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ImaniBey

Mutah Marriage Within A Nikah

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Bismallah....

Im at a huge crossroad in my marriage. I have been in a nikah for 12 years.My husband has throughout our marriage had several mutahs. What are my rights as a first wife and nikah? I was told by my husband:

I dont have to know of his mutahs.

He doesnt have to consent w/me.

He doesnot have to tell me what or where he goes.

He does not have to tell me when he will return home.

Please advise me w/ Quran Hadith and your experience.

Imani

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Bismallah....

Im at a huge crossroad in my marriage. I have been in a nikah for 12 years.My husband has throughout our marriage had several mutahs. What are my rights as a first wife and nikah? I was told by my husband:

I dont have to know of his mutahs.

He doesnt have to consent w/me.

He doesnot have to tell me what or where he goes.

He does not have to tell me when he will return home.

Please advise me w/ Quran Hadith and your experience.

Imani

Islam & Women’s Rights

http://www.al-islam.org/al-tawhid/women_behishti/

The Rights of Women In Islam

http://www.al-islam.org/rightsofwomeninislam/

Marriage & Morals In Islam

http://www.al-islam.org/m_morals/index.htm

Mutah Marriage

http://www.al-islam.org/al-serat/muta/

Edited by Your-Best-Friend

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There should be a rational and experience discussion (with sources if possible), rather than giving links of books. I suggest to wait and InshaAllah some knowledgeable people can answer to this problem.

Edited by Zufa

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Bismallah....

Im at a huge crossroad in my marriage. I have been in a nikah for 12 years.My husband has throughout our marriage had several mutahs. What are my rights as a first wife and nikah? I was told by my husband:

I dont have to know of his mutahs.

He doesnt have to consent w/me.

He doesnot have to tell me what or where he goes.

He does not have to tell me when he will return home.

Please advise me w/ Quran Hadith and your experience.

Imani

I am interested in knowing - if he has practised the above - how this has affected your marriage. your family and your feelings for him...and his feelings for you - if you had to do it agan - would you marry him...

There should be a rational and experience discussion (with sources if possible), rather than giving links of books. I suggest to wait and InshaAllah some knowledgeable people can answer to this problem.

She didnt say it was a problem.

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She didnt say it was a problem.

"crossroad in marriage" for my understanding is a problem.

I am interested in knowing - if he has practised the above - how this has affected your marriage. your family and your feelings for him...and his feelings for you - if you had to do it agan - would you marry him...

Good questions.

Edited by Zufa

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"crossroad in marriage" for my understanding is a problem. But if you are not satisfaction with that word, then please just replace "Issue" word.

The word - issue - is just as loaded. The way she worded it is not clear to me. That is why I asked for clarification. She may be totally accepting of his behaviour - but just assuring herself that it is within the bounds of Islam. A crossroad is usually viewed as an opportunity to change direction.

Edit:

I just looked it up - a crosroad means a place where a decision has to be made so not merely an opportunity.. Maybe she just came into an inheritance... :P...and is deciding whether she will share....sometimes peopleès behaviour comes back to bite them in the bum.....

Edited by Maryaam

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Bismallah....

I dont have to know of his mutahs.

He doesnt have to consent w/me.

He doesnot have to tell me what or where he goes.

He does not have to tell me when he will return home.

Salam

I remember that i have read on the Sayed Sistani site, that is preferable to have the consent of the first wife , but its not a wajib.

What you could have done is putting a condition in your mariage contract saying that he cant marry a second wife. Then he cant do mutah without your consent.

this is all what i know...by the way, im a men, and find this situation very frustrating for you sister...i think that both need to talk more...

Salam

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The word - issue - is just as loaded. The way she worded it is not clear to me. That is why I asked for clarification. She may be totally accepting of his behaviour - but just assuring herself that it is within the bounds of Islam.

:huh:

A crossroad is usually viewed as an opportunity to change direction.

Yes. Also possibility change to bad direction. It is also a "vital decision must be made".

Edited by Zufa

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Bismallah....

Im at a huge crossroad in my marriage. I have been in a nikah for 12 years.My husband has throughout our marriage had several mutahs. What are my rights as a first wife and nikah? I was told by my husband:

I dont have to know of his mutahs.

He doesnt have to consent w/me.

He doesnot have to tell me what or where he goes.

He does not have to tell me when he will return home.

Please advise me w/ Quran Hadith and your experience.

Imani

Salaam Alaikum,

WIth respect to your above questions the answers (in my opinion) are:

1. The permanent wife does not need to know about the Mutah.

2. He only needs your consent if he is marrying a slave girl. SInce this doesn't appear to be the case, then he does not need your permission.

3. In islamic law there is no requirement for the husband to tell his wife where he goes

4. He doesn't have to tell you when he will be home.

Your husband has an obligation to provide you with the necessities of life (food, water, clothing and shelter) and must have sexual relations with you at least once in 4 months.

If he fulfills these obligations, then he has met his obligations as a husband.

In Islam, marrying one woman is the ideal situation. Marrying more than one requires him to be just to all 4 and treating them equally and most men cannot do this.

Besides, Mutah has laws that your husband may be contravening. It is forbidden to do Mutah with adultress women (prostitutes) and woman who are not deemed "people of the book."

I hope this helps sister. I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear but I based on the limited information you gave, he is not doing anything wrong.

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salaam

this is more of a human issue than a sharia issue.

we all have the 'right' to do many things; however, we choose not to do them out of respect for others. (there are millions of examples of things we choose not to do so that we don't bother people)

the problem here is not whether it is lawful versus sharia, but that it seems to be harming your marriage.

since his behavior is hurting you, and he is not willing to change it, nor does he sound concerned about your feelings, you should try going to a religious professional aware of shi'a law for marriage counseling.

regarding consent i believe it is only necessary if it invovles an ahl al-kitab (non muslim) lady

Bismallah....

Im at a huge crossroad in my marriage. I have been in a nikah for 12 years.My husband has throughout our marriage had several mutahs. What are my rights as a first wife and nikah? I was told by my husband:

I dont have to know of his mutahs.

He doesnt have to consent w/me.

He doesnot have to tell me what or where he goes.

He does not have to tell me when he will return home.

Please advise me w/ Quran Hadith and your experience.

Imani

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salaam

this is more of a human issue than a sharia issue.

we all have the 'right' to do many things; however, we choose not to do them out of respect for others. (there are millions of examples of things we choose not to do so that we don't bother people)

the problem here is not whether it is lawful versus sharia, but that it seems to be harming your marriage.

since his behavior is hurting you, and he is not willing to change it, nor does he sound concerned about your feelings, you should try going to a religious professional aware of shi'a law for marriage counseling.

regarding consent i believe it is only necessary if it invovles an ahl al-kitab (non muslim) lady

That's true. Technically Muslims have the "right" to do a lot of things but we refrain from doing all of them because there are better options and we also have the right to choose those. For example, a family that decides to pardon the man who murdered their father and was sentenced to death for it. They COULD choose to let him be executed, they have the right to kill him in fact, but they will get more reward with Allah (swt) if they FORGIVE him and avoid starting a blood feud.

The way I see it, Mut'ah (or any other halal thing that's not Wajib) is perfectly fine AS LONG AS it does not interfere with the man's obligations or harm him or his loved ones. So if it is causing harm in the marriage for a man to do lots of mut'ah, and his wife is being hurt by it, he should stop or at least slow down. However, the man must be careful that he's not just becoming a doormat for his wife, sometimes it's hard to tell if a woman is really suffering badly in earnest, or is being manipulative and using jealousy as a way to dominate her husband and control every move he makes. Also, if this guy said he has the right to keep his mut'ah secret, why is he letting his wife find out about all these mut'ahs? Certainly bragging about it with such arrogance is not becoming of a Muslim. There's a bit of hypocrisy here.

As for Ahl-ul kitab women, if a man is married in a Nikah to a Muslim woman, he must get her consent before doing mutt'ah with them. But if his permanent wife herself is Ahlul Kitab, then he does not require her consent.

Edited by Shia Shahid

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