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In the Name of God بسم الله

Divorce Turned Ugly

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fatemah

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Salam to All

A have a question in regards to asking from Allah (swt) to never make my ex happy. Because of the fact of how i was treated while i was married to him (i,e bashed, abused in every form etc etc) and what made things worse he was gladly talking badly about me to people in the community in the worst form just to make himself look good (my ex cares alot about peoples opinions, alot of people in the community like to gossip, so he will degraded his mum just to hold his self image even though what his saying is not true). I am sure you get the gist of what i am trying to say.

Now that i am divorced i do ask from Allah(swt) to hurt him and his loved ones the way he hurt me and my loved ones, to actually never see him happy with whatever he wants in life (i.e because of the person he is and everything he made me go through with him). I wish the worst upon him.

However dont get me wrong while married to him i tried working in out, like any sane person will.

I have a couple of questions in regards to the whole situtation.

Would Allah (swt) answer such prayers? Is it wrong islamicly to ask from Allah (swt) to hurt him the way he hurt me, because it never bothered him to how he mistreated me and my family?

Ps- I am not a bitter person, but just went through so much with him. I really do wish Allah (swt) does not let him get away with it in this world and in the life of barzakh and the hearafter.

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

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(salam)

When you are upset with someone you ask Allah to forgive you both. do not ask Allah to curse him. no matter how bad you were treated. Ask Allah however that you find what will make you happy in this life next time you are granted a husband.

(wasalam)

Edited by theunknownpreacher
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(salam)

I think that it's a waste of time and effort to continue to think about someone who clearly isn't worth even 5 mins of ur time. I mean think about it.. holding a grudge against someone who never cared for you when u were with him is sooooooo tiring because it wouldn't affect him what u think of him. It's a one-sided hatred kinda thing which is exhausting because u're the only one participating in it.

The best thing for urself would be to concentrate on healing urself. The hurt won't go away if some calamity befalls ur ex. It will only go away when u forget abt the past and move on. Learn from ur previous experience and move forward with a positive attitude. Pray to Allah swt to guide u and help u deal with this difficult patch of ur life. It's useless to hate ur ex because he never cared for ur feelings when u were with him. What makes u think it'll affect him now?

The most important thing right now is YOU. Concentrate on YOURSELF. build YOURSELF with the help and guidance of Allah swt. Insha'Allah u'll be amazed at the blessings He'll bestow on you. :)

All the best!

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i don't know..... justice is sweet when someone has wronged you for a very long time

anyway, it is better not to spend time cursing people. there is a dua in sahifat al sajjadiyyah which is good guidance on how to handle situations in which we have been oppressed (i think in english it is translated as 'prayer in times of wrongdoing')

in any case, it's better not to involve people who didn't hurt you personally (such as his loved ones) since it's not their fault.

however, have faith that Allah is just and He handles things in His best way. He is absolutely just and the more we live the more we see that.

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I can understand your anger at your ex after all you suffered at his hands. But I wouldn't devote myself to praying for his and his family's destruction. That isn't healthy and besides, wishing harm on his family isn't right either. I would advise you instead to pray to Allah to serve him justice and have faith that he will get what he deserves. Don't waste your prayers on him...focus on picking up the pieces of your life and healing your emotional wounds.

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A have a question in regards to asking from Allah (swt) to never make my ex happy. Because of the fact of how i was treated while i was married to him (i,e bashed, abused in every form etc etc) and what made things worse he was gladly talking badly about me to people in the community in the worst form just to make himself look good (my ex cares alot about peoples opinions, alot of people in the community like to gossip, so he will degraded his mum just to hold his self image even though what his saying is not true). I am sure you get the gist of what i am trying to say.

Now that i am divorced i do ask from Allah(swt) to hurt him and his loved ones the way he hurt me and my loved ones, to actually never see him happy with whatever he wants in life (i.e because of the person he is and everything he made me go through with him). I wish the worst upon him.

However dont get me wrong while married to him i tried working in out, like any sane person will.

I have a couple of questions in regards to the whole situtation.

This is just wrong, wrong and wrong.

First, you are divorced from him. You are separated from him, yet you still think about him regularly and ask God to hurt him ? Would any Prophet act the way you are acting ? Do you know the concept of forgiveness in religion ?

God said : Show mercy and you will be shown mercy at the Judgement Day. Mistreat others and you will be mistreated. Be just and you will be judged justly. Forgive and you will be forgiven.

I can understand you feel like this after all you've been through and there are few things you can do :

1) Forgive and move on with your life

2) Forget and move on with your life

3) Keep thinking about it and constantly wishing him evil things

Number 1) is what God loves most. Number 3) is what God hates most.

you choose, lady.

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(salam)

I think that it's a waste of time and effort to continue to think about someone who clearly isn't worth even 5 mins of ur time. I mean think about it.. holding a grudge against someone who never cared for you when u were with him is sooooooo tiring because it wouldn't affect him what u think of him. It's a one-sided hatred kinda thing which is exhausting because u're the only one participating in it.

The best thing for urself would be to concentrate on healing urself. The hurt won't go away if some calamity befalls ur ex. It will only go away when u forget abt the past and move on. Learn from ur previous experience and move forward with a positive attitude. Pray to Allah swt to guide u and help u deal with this difficult patch of ur life. It's useless to hate ur ex because he never cared for ur feelings when u were with him. What makes u think it'll affect him now?

The most important thing right now is YOU. Concentrate on YOURSELF. build YOURSELF with the help and guidance of Allah swt. Insha'Allah u'll be amazed at the blessings He'll bestow on you. :)

All the best!

^ I agree with this person, but at the same time, im all for justice, he should receive the same for as long as you did, if not in this life, the next.

Salam

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I personally don't think there is anything wrong in asking Allah to do the same unto him for what he did to u!

He wasn't ur hubby... he acted as an enemy .... and asking Allah to destroy n degrade ur enemies is okay!

If he was really that bad, then the justice will be served, if not in this world then in the world hereafter!

However, like sister syeda_zaidi said, don't waste time in thinking abt a person who never cared for u!

I know it is easy for us to say move on but in reality it is not so easy .

U r not gonna get over this in one day or one week... it cud possibly take months! but the sooner u get over him... the better! Try not to think about past... get urself busy with stuff like school, work, etc....... go out more... talk to family n friends.....ask Allah to help you get over this ordeal.

Our prayers r with you... !

WS

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This is just wrong, wrong and wrong.

First, you are divorced from him. You are separated from him, yet you still think about him regularly and ask God to hurt him ?

naro, u sound like u've never had a scummy ex wife ruin ur life

for women, having a scummy husband (or ex husband) can be even more harmful because there are more social effects for women, and women are more vulnerable. one scummy man can ruin a woman's whole life!

for example, i've heard of some guys who marry teenage girls (in our community), disappear after a couple months, and leave them with kids to raise on their own. sheer scum!

if someone is guilty of repeated intentional scum...... well that person deserves to have a scummy fate

there is a hadith that says that bani adam desires justice more than a child desires the mother's milk, it's true

however... it is good to 'let go' just for one's own sanity, because the negative energy u spend in hating will just turn back on u and hurt u, and won't affect the other person in the slightest. there is nothing wrong with wanting justice against someone who has harmed u. (and again, have faith that justice does come.... it may not be immediate, but god is al-'Adil)

a sort of 'la'nat Allah ala al-zalimeen' once in a while can be healthy of course

there is a sort of intermediate possition between 'letting go' (not wasting energy hating someone) and actively forgiving (whereby you wouldn't want to see them harmed for their misdeeds)

if u can forgive someday... that's great, but it can take its own time (maybe years and years and years). there is really no need to force one's self to forgive. forgiveness is mustahhab not wajib. of course, it is the sunnah of ahlul bayt (A) so it is good if we can get to that level.

Would any Prophet act the way you are acting ? Do you know the concept of forgiveness in religion ?

i dunno, we shi'a are pretty into la'nah. we curse some pretty evil people quite regularly.

of course i am sure her ex husband, no matter how bad he was, wasn't as bad as these folks...... but it's still the thought that counts. tabarra and all that

God said : Show mercy and you will be shown mercy at the Judgement Day. Mistreat others and you will be mistreated. Be just and you will be judged justly. Forgive and you will be forgiven.

definitely this is a good point and it is nice if we can get to that level

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This is just wrong, wrong and wrong.

First, you are divorced from him. You are separated from him, yet you still think about him regularly and ask God to hurt him ? Would any Prophet act the way you are acting ? Do you know the concept of forgiveness in religion ?

Naro why do u have to be so extreme all the time? It's not healthy.. sometimes compassion works wonders! You could have pointed out the above in a much more sympathetic manner?

Anyway I do agree with Sis Bint Alhoda that it's not easy to forgive esp if one has been hurt by someone so close. The first instinct is to hurt them as they've hurt u but I think it's more useful to heal yourself and think about ur own future rather than concentrating ur energy on hating that person. Leave it to Allah swt. He swt will take care of the scum as He swt has promised. I think the best revenge would be to live happily and show that fool what he has missed in his stupidity!

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naro, u sound like u've never had a scummy ex wife ruin ur life

never had one and never gonna have one ^_^

Naro why do u have to be so extreme all the time? It's not healthy.. sometimes compassion works wonders! You could have pointed out the above in a much more sympathetic manner?

lol I m shocked, I guess we have different definitions of the extreme.

surely compassion is good in some situations, but is this what she needs when you read what she said? She clearly isn't talking about how sad she is and she needs support, she wants to know if it's good or not to constantly wish evil at her ex-husband, and I said no it's not, simply. :angel:

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Salam to All

A have a question in regards to asking from Allah (swt) to never make my ex happy. Because of the fact of how i was treated while i was married to him (i,e bashed, abused in every form etc etc) and what made things worse he was gladly talking badly about me to people in the community in the worst form just to make himself look good (my ex cares alot about peoples opinions, alot of people in the community like to gossip, so he will degraded his mum just to hold his self image even though what his saying is not true). I am sure you get the gist of what i am trying to say.

Now that i am divorced i do ask from Allah(swt) to hurt him and his loved ones the way he hurt me and my loved ones, to actually never see him happy with whatever he wants in life (i.e because of the person he is and everything he made me go through with him). I wish the worst upon him.

However dont get me wrong while married to him i tried working in out, like any sane person will.

I have a couple of questions in regards to the whole situtation.

Would Allah (swt) answer such prayers? Is it wrong islamicly to ask from Allah (swt) to hurt him the way he hurt me, because it never bothered him to how he mistreated me and my family?

Ps- I am not a bitter person, but just went through so much with him. I really do wish Allah (swt) does not let him get away with it in this world and in the life of barzakh and the hearafter.

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

WHAT GOES AROUND

COMES AROUND

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Salam to All

A have a question in regards to asking from Allah (swt) to never make my ex happy. Because of the fact of how i was treated while i was married to him (i,e bashed, abused in every form etc etc) and what made things worse he was gladly talking badly about me to people in the community in the worst form just to make himself look good (my ex cares alot about peoples opinions, alot of people in the community like to gossip, so he will degraded his mum just to hold his self image even though what his saying is not true). I am sure you get the gist of what i am trying to say.

Now that i am divorced i do ask from Allah(swt) to hurt him and his loved ones the way he hurt me and my loved ones, to actually never see him happy with whatever he wants in life (i.e because of the person he is and everything he made me go through with him). I wish the worst upon him.

However dont get me wrong while married to him i tried working in out, like any sane person will.

I have a couple of questions in regards to the whole situtation.

Would Allah (swt) answer such prayers? Is it wrong islamicly to ask from Allah (swt) to hurt him the way he hurt me, because it never bothered him to how he mistreated me and my family?

Ps- I am not a bitter person, but just went through so much with him. I really do wish Allah (swt) does not let him get away with it in this world and in the life of barzakh and the hearafter.

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

(salam)

your thoughts are scary,i can understand u went so much with him but now u are divorced and u have ur life,instead of praying ill for him why not utilize that time praying good for others,i am sure Allah will be much more happy to hear your prayers for other sisters who are still going through all this and cant even complain.

Edited by shoelace
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Wa 3alaykum salam

Would Allah (swt) answer such prayers? Is it wrong islamicly to ask from Allah (swt) to hurt him the way he hurt me, because it never bothered him to how he mistreated me and my family?

Yes, Allah would answer your prayers. And there is nothing wrong about seeking revenge. While it is obviously highly recommended to forgive someone who wronged you, revenge is permitted in Islam. The only hurdle in this would be you wanting to avenge it yourself since a person will always transgress while doing so. But asking Allah to take revenge on your behalf is perfectly acceptable and correct. Don't let yourself feel guilty because of what some of the other people here have said. Perhaps they have never known that kind of oppression or anything even remotely similar. Also know that there's a 7adith from Imam al Baqir (as) in al Kafi, where he says that there are three acts of sin whose punishment is meted out in this world itself: oppression, severing of relationships and swearing on false oaths.

Also in Du3a2 al Kumayl, you will find statements invoking Allah to intend evil against the one who intends to afflict us with evil and to plot against the one who plots against us.

So, rest assured, you are doing nothing Islamically unacceptable by making such du3a2; just don't let his hatred consume your life. and yeah, don't supplicate against someone just because they are related to your ex-husband, if they didn't hurt you.

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Thanks all for your thoughts.

Ok people i am happy to be out, however during our marriage i always forgave and let things just go. However after we got a divorce he showed no remorse and was talking really really badly and things that arent true about me. Which is clearly haram to talk about anyone let alone your wife. How could you forgive such a person? When you know you never hurt them. When his constantly bad mouthing you? Surely he does not have no fear from Allah to talk falsely and degrade someone just to keep yourself image and to look like the good guy in the community.

Oh and his family played a big part in my divorce and marital problems.

poison_ivy ur reply was great, thanks at least i know i am not doing anything wrong islamically and know it wont fire back at me. Allah (swt) will not forget anyones pain and suffering. Ive left it with him. Al hamdullilah.

Wa Salam

Edited by fatemah
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  • 3 weeks later...
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Salam to All

A have a question in regards to asking from Allah (swt) to never make my ex happy. Because of the fact of how i was treated while i was married to him (i,e bashed, abused in every form etc etc) and what made things worse he was gladly talking badly about me to people in the community in the worst form just to make himself look good (my ex cares alot about peoples opinions, alot of people in the community like to gossip, so he will degraded his mum just to hold his self image even though what his saying is not true). I am sure you get the gist of what i am trying to say.

Now that i am divorced i do ask from Allah(swt) to hurt him and his loved ones the way he hurt me and my loved ones, to actually never see him happy with whatever he wants in life (i.e because of the person he is and everything he made me go through with him). I wish the worst upon him.

However dont get me wrong while married to him i tried working in out, like any sane person will.

I have a couple of questions in regards to the whole situtation.

Would Allah (swt) answer such prayers? Is it wrong islamicly to ask from Allah (swt) to hurt him the way he hurt me, because it never bothered him to how he mistreated me and my family?

Ps- I am not a bitter person, but just went through so much with him. I really do wish Allah (swt) does not let him get away with it in this world and in the life of barzakh and the hearafter.

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

Salaam

only wish good for him, wish these 2 things importantly for him - guidance and forgiveness, if he has guidance he will become good

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Salam to All

A have a question in regards to asking from Allah (swt) to never make my ex happy. Because of the fact of how i was treated while i was married to him (i,e bashed, abused in every form etc etc) and what made things worse he was gladly talking badly about me to people in the community in the worst form just to make himself look good (my ex cares alot about peoples opinions, alot of people in the community like to gossip, so he will degraded his mum just to hold his self image even though what his saying is not true). I am sure you get the gist of what i am trying to say.

Now that i am divorced i do ask from Allah(swt) to hurt him and his loved ones the way he hurt me and my loved ones, to actually never see him happy with whatever he wants in life (i.e because of the person he is and everything he made me go through with him). I wish the worst upon him.

However dont get me wrong while married to him i tried working in out, like any sane person will.

I have a couple of questions in regards to the whole situtation.

Would Allah (swt) answer such prayers? Is it wrong islamicly to ask from Allah (swt) to hurt him the way he hurt me, because it never bothered him to how he mistreated me and my family?

Ps- I am not a bitter person, but just went through so much with him. I really do wish Allah (swt) does not let him get away with it in this world and in the life of barzakh and the hearafter.

Your thoughts are much appreciated.

I feel you sister. But you can't go around cursing people. If you have a bone to pick with him say it to his face or forget it. Asking Allah to do your dirty work isn't right, and he won't do it anyway. Allah is pure, and good, he is not your revenger. However I know what you are talking about, so many men are arrogant and haughty and abusive. I hope you smacked him a good one at least once. Oh no, that's not good to say right? :shaytan: :Hijabi:

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bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim

Wishing evil is morally wrong, and Allah will deny your dua Sister. Allah will only accept justice, and punishments will be according to degree that he actually diserve. You can choose to forgive, which makes his burned be less, or choose not to forgive which make his burden to be in full measure. Allah does not do injustice to anybody.

Illwishing is absolutely missguidance and you cant attribute that to Allah. Its devilism.

We seek refuge from Allah againts our ill wishes.

You dont have to forgive if that person dont diserve it. You dont have to. Allah is between us.

ps. Sorry to hear this all. My heart goes for you. May Allah give you more knowledge and guidance.

Edited by Ali Askari
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If person asks Allah to hurt somebody, then he or she should know exactly what is the punishment according to degree of Allah so that he or she could ask real thing. If person does not know that, then he or she can not randomly wish evils for that person. That is ill wishing, and does not go harmony whit wishing justice or praying Allah´s justice.

Then, if person instead of praying random evils will pray justice from Allah then he or she can do it, even, when she or he dont know what is the right decree for that person. This is because we can not attribute injustice to Allah, or we will shirk our selves. And become evildoers in thouheed. Ok.

Allah does not do injustice.

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