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In the Name of God بسم الله

Zanjeer

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sa110

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there comes a point when you wonder when people will realise its no one business but the azadars themselves what azadari they do. they dont answer to this "ummah" who cant even unite to help shias being slaughtered in parachinar, but who fall over themselves to queue up to kiss iranian ass, yet expect everyone to do whatever they can "for the good of the ummah"

how about, instead of being the spokesman for the shia people, you tell people "its got nothing to do with me".

actually, let me guess.....you are usooli?

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(salam)

Why let Zanjeer comes between a husband and his wife. Just seek an alternate (donating blood) and maintain the harmony.

Marriage is about compromise.

so why doesnt she compromise? its only 2 days out of an entire year.

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This really should have been discussed before marriage. She is going to have to deal with it now, he isn't going to stop on account of her. Perhaps her husband can accommodate her dislike of his cuts by staying away from home for the few days it takes to heal. It would be stupid to let it ruin the marriage if all else is good. Had they thought before marriage about what they will teach the children? This couple needs to have some very serious and mature conversation.

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Guest Zahratul_Islam

This really should have been discussed before marriage. She is going to have to deal with it now, he isn't going to stop on account of her. Perhaps her husband can accommodate her dislike of his cuts by staying away from home for the few days it takes to heal. It would be stupid to let it ruin the marriage if all else is good. Had they thought before marriage about what they will teach the children? This couple needs to have some very serious and mature conversation.

Exactly. If I am having a conversation with a suitor and he believes it is perfectly acceptable to teach our children the nobility in whipping/beating themselves.. that is a deal breaker.

Edited by Zahratul_Islam
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(salam)

What if you married someone who is 100% compatible with everything you believe in but later on he/she changed his/her minds and start doing something that you disagree with. Is there a guarantee that this scenario will never happen in real life? You can’t.

The reason “she cannot get over this” is because it is a serious problem in their relationship and it is affecting their marriage.

So what do you do when such case arise. I think you should start with your marja’s ruling and then discussion between both partners. If you still cannot agree then seek a neutral third party.

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(salam)

What if you married someone who is 100% compatible with everything you believe in but later on he/she changed his/her minds and start doing something that you disagree with. Is there a guarantee that this scenario will never happen in real life? You can’t.

The reason “she cannot get over this” is because it is a serious problem in their relationship and it is affecting their marriage.

So what do you do when such case arise. I think you should start with your marja’s ruling and then discussion between both partners. If you still cannot agree then seek a neutral third party.

sis this isnt as though we are arguing about the colours of curtains or something that we can talk about differences. how can i explain to you people how important this azadari is?

hmm, what would i do in this situation?

any other situation, so long as she doesnt start doing something haram, then im always going to be flexible, shes my life partner n best friend so why wouldnt i want to make her happy. however there are a few things which i MUST remain firm on, zanjeer zani is one of those - very few - things where my foot comes down and stays down. hopefully my wife will understand that ill always work with her to resolve any problem, but there are things which i will never move from. why cant she accept that? ive been doin it my whole life its not as tho i suddenly decided to start after we were married.

we are dealing with (i believe) my place in the akhirat, and hazari of bibi paak (sa), to be blunt my loyalty is to bibi paak before my wife.

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Salam

Well, I married a pakistani, and I am a khoja. I am living with his family, now being a khoja I have my style of dressing, which is trousers or jeans with long beggy kurti top. So it is islamically modest dressing. Them being pakistani they wear shalwar kamees, in the begining i wore and never said anything as I was new in their living, but i then said i do not like it, i do not feel comfortable i only wear this style when i go to mosque, but i am into my casuals. now personally clothes for me is clothes. if i wore something un-islamic then yes ofcourse they have every right to say and speak up. But i am very religious and have my imaan in me. they had relatives coming home and they told me to wear shalwar kameez, i refused saying no.. i do not liek it. and they created an issue. they started syaing " i am making myself look like an outsider" " i look like an outcaste" which i was extrememly hurt. Now i hoped my husband would understand me, and speak up for me and support me but he supported his family and spoke agasint me saying have you not heard when a girl comes into the guys living she has to adapt, and also not everything has to be comfortable. sacrifice! is this right attitude? shouldnt the husband be supportive and speak out for his wife? he also said why cant you keep peace and harmony in the house. so this means i have to do what his family wants me to do. He knew who i was and what i was. I am really hurt with this attitude and behaviour.

he also made a comment by saying " how can a girl move from 1 hertitage to another but keep her heritage" yes i married him, but does that mean i should change my heritage and become what they are?

wasalaam

I would just like to bring to the attention of everyone who has posted on this topic, of a previous thread started by the OP awhile back. Just like to point out that i agree with those that have said marriage is about compromise, but also the fact that the OP refused to compromise with her in laws in regards to her dress sense in order to keep the peace back then. She rightly or wrongly stuck to her guns. Yet she now expects her husband to COMPROMISE to save the marriage by giving up something he partakes in just twice a year. COMPROMISE is a two way thing, NOT for one person to do all the time. Sister try to read about other womens experiences with their spouses who have had their husbands becoming involved in truly haram acts, one such thing comes to mind by a poster by the name of kaneez14 or kaneez110 (i'm not sure which one) where her husband was abusing there biological daughter. That in my opinion is truly haram. There are so many sisters who are going through issues like that and much worse. Please be thankful to Allah that you don't have to go through anything that is truly stressfull and strains you both mentally and emotionally. I am in no way trying to say that this is not important at all. I am merely urging you to try and see how other sisters are living.

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I would just like to bring to the attention of everyone who has posted on this topic, of a previous thread started by the OP awhile back. Just like to point out that i agree with those that have said marriage is about compromise, but also the fact that the OP refused to compromise with her in laws in regards to her dress sense in order to keep the peace back then. She rightly or wrongly stuck to her guns. Yet she now expects her husband to COMPROMISE to save the marriage by giving up something he partakes in just twice a year. COMPROMISE is a two way thing, NOT for one person to do all the time. Sister try to read about other womens experiences with their spouses who have had their husbands becoming involved in truly haram acts, one such thing comes to mind by a poster by the name of kaneez14 or kaneez110 (i'm not sure which one) where her husband was abusing there biological daughter. That in my opinion is truly haram. There are so many sisters who are going through issues like that and much worse. Please be thankful to Allah that you don't have to go through anything that is truly stressfull and strains you both mentally and emotionally. I am in no way trying to say that this is not important at all. I am merely urging you to try and see how other sisters are living.

salam, in regards with my thread pervious, yes i had problems, but alhamdullilah its all fine now, but my new posts to zanjeer it is not relating to me, I am talking about someone i know off, but would not liek to mention any names. so please dont try assuming anything. I have brothers who all are engaged with zanjeer zani so I personally have no problem with that. Khojas also do zanjeer zani. But I just felt for the someone i know very well for long time, and wanted to know what would be a decent islamic ruling regarding the issue.

wasalaam

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Divorce is one of the most detested (permissible) actions by Allah. It is so detested than many of our ulema give divorce the ruling of makrooh tahrimi, borderline haram. If a partner performs some types of azadari that may lead his partner to leave him, then I'm sure that preservation of the marriage takes precedence over continued engagement in such azadari.

One of the underlying themes of Karbala is sacrifice and service. With all the acts of blood letting, qama and zanjeer, we can see the sacrifice (literally), but what's the service? What service does zanjeer or qama provide? None. If blood letting is your thing, then go and donate blood on Ashura. Spilling it on the streets does nothing to practically apply the message of Karbala.

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I feel sorry for the wife. If the husband is saying that zanjeer zani is evidence of his love for Imam Husayn (as) she will definitely struggle to get through to him. The poor man would never in a million years be able to establish any link between the practice of zanjeer zani and love for Imam Husayn (as).

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Dear Br / Sr Salam and Ya Ali Madad (a.s)

I think let husband and wife decide what is best for them …. You guys already shed enough light on pros and cons of this special scenario and almost covered the whole nine yards of this issue.

What I have noticed in last few years anti azadari movements have been working hard to demote/bash azadri rituals across the globe ….however instead of going south azadari/matam dari moving up.

I humbly ask all anti Zanjeer activist please stop putting scenario like this public you won’t get fruitful results out of it ……it is not easy to change the Aqidah of Maulai

Zanjeer and Pursadari is nothing but just the answer of Badshah Hussain’s call on the day of Ashura.

"Hal min nasirin yansurna" "Is there anyone that can aid me?"- Hussian as-Shaheed (as)

We zanjeer zan verbally and practically answer the call of Imam Hussain (a.s)

Edited by Faqir_e_Hussaini
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Crying, beating the chest, hitting chains on the shoulders or back, these are all symbolic and a way that our people keep the memory of Karbala alive on Ashura and Arba'een.

Cutting with knives, swords, daggers, and whatever you call those blade things, is dangerous, especially when you think that we live in an age of blood-borne diseases such as hepatitis, HIV and AIDS.

The wife may be worried that her husband's participation in this cultural activity may expose him to disease, and herself as well.

http://www.teachingsexualhealth.ca/media/lessons/6_RiskFactorsBBDLess1.pdf

http://parents.teachingsexualhealth.ca/education/curriculum

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Salam

ok thanks for all your opinions...

I wish to delete the subject and if any one could advice me how to do that?

wasalaam

(bismillah)

(salam)

Sister, maybe only a moderator can move this topic to the Trashpit. Before that happens I would like to comment on scarring.

But why wouldn’t a girl be appreciative of her husband doing Zanjeer or even Qama out of the true intentions that one should? What’s so disgusting about it? The scars? That’s very narrow-minded of one to think. Rather self-centered and with small thinking. I mean yet again, she should have known about his Zanjeer Zani before the marriage.

^absolutely correct

each scar is a token, a badge of my love for bibi paak (sa), inshallah on qiyaamat they will be my shifa

^InshaAllah.

I would like to remind the brothers that every surgical scar a woman suffers is also a badge of honor and every varicose vein she endures because of the pressures of pregnancy and child birth should be overlooked. wasSalaam.

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