Jump to content
In the Name of God بسم الله

Zanjeer

Rate this topic


sa110

Recommended Posts

  • Advanced Member

Salam Alaikum Warahmatullah

I would like islamic advice regarding the follwoing issue.

A married man who has engaged in zanjeer zani for many years on the 10th of muharram and arbaeen. He has just recently got married been a yr and a half or so. His zanjeer is having an effect on his wife in a way that her intimate relationship is being destroyed. She cannot deal with this, somethign happens to her the moment she knows he will be performing the act, its a bad effect. her relationship is shattering due to this act of his.

She has tried telling him, but he refuses and argues saying 2 different opinions and that she cannot stop him from doing what he has the passion for. Nothing can interfere with him and his love for Imam Hussain (A.S)

but this is leading to problems. Her relationship is destroying. Its a matter of personal feeling.

however she has tried telling him to give blood and save peoples lives or give tabaruk in the name of Imam Hussain, and he would get the same blessings from the family of Ahlulbayt, but he enjoys the zanjeer zani and says he feels good after performing the act. The act that the wife cannot live with.

Should the husband stop knowing that this is destroyong her from her relationship with him. Is the Imam to be considered as more of importance then his wife? Ofcourse Imams are Important but what I say is this tragedy is there to remind us of what took place, but that does not mean that wife should be ignored and not looked at.

please advice

wasalam

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member

Should the husband stop knowing that this is destroyong her from her relationship with him. Is the Imam to be considered as more of importance then his wife? Ofcourse Imams are Important but what I say is this tragedy is there to remind us of what took place, but that does not mean that wife should be ignored and not looked at.

please advice

wasalam

first piece of advice stop phrasing the question as its either 'my Imam' or my wife. that's a recipe for disaster guaranteed divorce.

second piece of advice establish whether he believes in Marjiyat and ask his Marje.

third piece of advice if he is a wannabe malang tell his wife either accept his defficiencies or divorce him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That is a really unusual problem.

I suppose it is too late to say that they should have discussed this BEFORE marriage.

They should go for marriage counseling.

If it is bringing up some sort of traumatic memories for her, and she wants to accept this practice of his, she could try psychological conseling also.

If it is really important to him, she should try to work throught it and live with it, because he was like this before marriag.

If it is really repulsive to her, and he cares about her, he should also try to see if he can compromise since family is a #1 value (if there are not other problems).

Otherwise... yes, they will have to make a decision about what is important to them, what they can compromise on, and whether or not they can remain together.

(If he is only doing zanjeer on the 10th of muharram.... isn't it possible for her to ignore it on the other 364 days of the year?)

Should the husband stop knowing that this is destroyong her from her relationship with him. Is the Imam to be considered as more of importance then his wife? Ofcourse Imams are Important but what I say is this tragedy is there to remind us of what took place, but that does not mean that wife should be ignored and not looked at.

I'm sure you didn't mean to say it that way, but of COURSE the Imams are more important than someone's husband or wife. We say to Imam Husain "By my father and mother for you, Aba Abdillah."

However, what you are saying is, is this PRACTICE of commemorating the Imams more important than one's husband or wife. This is a different issue since we are not required to do matam in any way, and it is a personal demonstration of loyalty.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member

(salam),

I'm sure you didn't mean to say it that way, but of COURSE the Imams are more important than someone's husband or wife. We say to Imam Husain "By my father and mother for you, Aba Abdillah."

However, what you are saying is, is this PRACTICE of commemorating the Imams more important than one's husband or wife. This is a different issue since we are not required to do matam in any way, and it is a personal demonstration of loyalty.

Yes, I completely agree. If one of the spouses had asked the other one for giving up his belief on the Imams (or something similar like denouncing them), it would have been a different matter. You can't compare, Azadari to the Imams themselves. It is a practice prescribed as Mustahab for us. We usually miss out on other Mustahab things, like Mustahabs prayers, Mustahab fasts, etc. but we so firmly grip to this Mustahab act.

I appreciate the fact that we do, but if this Mustahab action is leading to something that is 'one of the most hated things in Allah's sight' (aka divorce), I don't think I would opt for the latter, especially considering the fact that the permissibility of Zanjeer-Zani is questioned.

Can you be more specific, as to why the wife hates the Zanjeer-Zani? Is it because it leaves marks on her husband's back, and she's not able to bear the sight of her husband being is pain of the wounds from the chains? The husband really should understand. I know it's extremely difficult to convince Paki/Indian Shia Muslims, of the non-permissibility of the actions they're so attached to, but the husband has to learn.

wa (salam)

Basim Ali Jafri

Edited by Basim Ali
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

however she has tried telling him to give blood and save peoples lives or give tabaruk in the name of Imam Hussain, and he would get the same blessings from the family of Ahlulbayt, but he enjoys the zanjeer zani and says he feels good after performing the act. The act that the wife cannot live with.

Should the husband stop knowing that this is destroyong her from her relationship with him. Is the Imam to be considered as more of importance then his wife? Ofcourse Imams are Important but what I say is this tragedy is there to remind us of what took place, but that does not mean that wife should be ignored and not looked at.

(salam)

Giving blood save lives. This is not a bad alternate.

I guess this is a very strange circumstance. If someone has to choose; either an intimate relationship between the wife or Zanjer, then he should definitely go for the relationship with wife. The wife cannot go for polygamy or unlimited muta partner. You are going to end up being very oppressive to your spouse and you should refrain from doing that.

Please refer to your marja if you are unsure of something.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Basic Members

Asslam o Alikum,

In all respect, the husband has to learn how to handle a relationship with his wife. I know he is doing zanjeer for the sake of Imam Hussein a.s love but, there are many other ways to show your respect and love towards our holy imam a.s. I am sure, the permissibility of Zanjeer is questioned and in my opinion, I think it is wrong. You can always donate blood and would potentially save a life. I am sure, Allah s.w.t would give you some what reward for that act. It is also mentioned in quran[5:32]. If you know the husband personally, please talk to him and try to explain why he should be with his wife and at least listen to her.

Jazakallah.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Salam Alaikum

Its more the marks and the sight that is left on his back, I mean she cant bear to see his back or anything. and due to that, her Intimate relationship is shattering. I do not wish to talk about this openly, but i hope you all understand what i am trying to say.

But she has adviced him to many alternate, ofcourse but he argues and tries to win over her that shes wrong and hes right in everything he does. The upseting thing is he is doing something and her relationship is destroying. It feels as if he cares nothing about the relationship, as long as he gets to do what he wants.

wasalaam.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

(salam)

Try to think from her position. What if the wife goes and get tattoos or henna on her body that disgusted her husband? I would say the exact same thing in both circumstances. You should deeply care about your spouse and take their views into consideration.

If you don't mind, can you please forward this question to your marja.

Edited by Zareen
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Banned

if he only does zanjeer on ashura/ chelum, why cant she just shut her bloody mouth, deal with it and stop nagging him twice a year? jesus christ living with her must be a nightmare, what a poor guy to have married her

i would suggest she watches this video before she makes any ultimatums (its subtitled)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

if he only does zanjeer on ashura/ chelum, why cant she just shut her bloody mouth, deal with it and stop nagging him twice a year? jesus christ living with her must be a nightmare, what a poor guy to have married her

no offense, but i'm glad i'm not married to you!! that's a rather insensitive way to talk about the person who lives with you night and day.

anyway, erm, as i was saying, it sounds like a good case for marriage counseling (with a shi'i muslim who will understand)

she might explore why she feels so repelled - is it the physical injury, or because he is doing it to himself? what if he got a disfiguring injury or illness, would she feel the same way, or would she be able to cope with it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Banned

no offense, but i'm glad i'm not married to you!! that's a rather insensitive way to talk about the person who lives with you night and day.

*snort* i guess theres a reason why im single then :P

anyway, erm, as i was saying, it sounds like a good case for marriage counseling (with a shi'i muslim who will understand)

she might explore why she feels so repelled - is it the physical injury, or because he is doing it to himself? what if he got a disfiguring injury or illness, would she feel the same way, or would she be able to cope with it?

i guess so. you gotta ask though, if its SUCH a big deal for her, then surely she should have talked about this before she married the guy? and anyway, i thought women love scars, sign of danger and all that

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Zahratul_Islam

*snort* i guess theres a reason why im single then :P

i guess so. you gotta ask though, if its SUCH a big deal for her, then surely she should have talked about this before she married the guy? and anyway, i thought women love scars, sign of danger and all that

Sure, if he was scarred fighting for your honor in a brutal battle where he eventually crushed his opponent in the ultimate show of courage and nobility. :wub:

Beating himself while crying? Yeh.. not nearly as appealing.

Edited by Zahratul_Islam
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Sure, if he was scarred fighting for your honor in a brutal battle where he eventually crushed his opponent in the ultimate show of courage and nobility. :wub:

Beating himself while crying? Yeh.. not nearly as appealing.

:lol: "not nearly as appealing"... Well said ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member

anyway, erm, as i was saying, it sounds like a good case for marriage counseling (with a shi'i muslim who will understand)

she might explore why she feels so repelled - is it the physical injury, or because he is doing it to himself? what if he got a disfiguring injury or illness, would she feel the same way, or would she be able to cope with it?

Why does she need counselling? Isn't it a metter of taste?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Considering that you don't need to do zanjeer to show love for Imam Hussain (as) and, IMO, it's a wrong act to do in the first place (I seriously doubt Imam Hussain (as) would want us cutting ourselves to show our love for him), I'm going to have to support the wife here.

Like other people have said here, there are alternatives, and possibly more legit, ways of showing your love for Imam Hussain. Instead of ripping up your skin, why not donate blood like the wife said, or donate money/food to people in need, all in the name of Imam Hussain (as)?

if he only does zanjeer on ashura/ chelum, why cant she just shut her bloody mouth, deal with it and stop nagging him twice a year? jesus christ living with her must be a nightmare, what a poor guy to have married her

I'm pretty sure ones wife's feelings are more important than some silly non mandatory, and possibly not permissible, act of cutting yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

FYI, we could do without all the "IMO" and "I personally feel that..."

Hate to break it to you all but no one cares about your personal opinions. Why isn't there any sympathy towards the husband here? Bechara mazloom, has to deal with a wife who won't even let him give pursa the way he feels best. :(

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Basic Members

(salam)

Everyone has the right to express their grief in the manner that they want to. It's unfair to ask someone to grieve differently just because you don't agree with them.

I'm sorry AliWala01 but I had to share my personal opinion :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

FYI, we could do without all the "IMO" and "I personally feel that..."

Hate to break it to you all but no one cares about your personal opinions. Why isn't there any sympathy towards the husband here? Bechara mazloom, has to deal with a wife who won't even let him give pursa the way he feels best. :(

Ironic because that last sentence in your post is an "IMO" as well.

This is a message forum, without "IMO"s and personal opinions it would be barren.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Banned

IMO AFAIK FYI IIRC

face the truth. his azadari is none of her goddamn business. she needs to get off her "im a woman i have rights to assert myself anyway i want to *clicks fingers and swings neck* " [Edited out] high horse, that unfortunately too many sisters on this forum and in the real world jump on and gallop away on.

he chooses to do azadari that way. hes an adult. hes a man. hes her husband. she has no right whatsoever to undermine his authority in such a [Edited Out]py way and make such a bloody drama out of this.

its not as though hes doing every day and every night is it? he does it at most twice a year. isnt one of her roles as a wife to display sabr? why doesnt she just not be such a nutbag and just accept it? im sure the husband puts up with much worse than she has to by the sounds of it anyway.

if i was him, id totally divorce her [Edited out], whats she gonna teach their kids? and next wife he finds, sit down and have a frank discussion about azadari and her opinions about it. being single is better than earning the badhua of bibi paak because you were too scared of your [Edited out] wife to do azadari as you felt to do.

Edited by ~RuQaYaH~
Swearing is not allowed on this forum. Also, please refrain from insulting fellow Muslims/peoples wives, even if they are not a member of this forum.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

IMO AFAIK FYI IIRC

face the truth. his azadari is none of her goddamn business. she needs to get off her "im a woman i have rights to assert myself anyway i want to *clicks fingers and swings neck* " [Edited out] high horse, that unfortunately too many sisters on this forum and in the real world jump on and gallop away on.

he chooses to do azadari that way. hes an adult. hes a man. hes her husband. she has no right whatsoever to undermine his authority in such a [Edited Out]py way and make such a bloody drama out of this.

its not as though hes doing every day and every night is it? he does it at most twice a year. isnt one of her roles as a wife to display sabr? why doesnt she just not be such a nutbag and just accept it? im sure the husband puts up with much worse than she has to by the sounds of it anyway.

if i was him, id totally divorce her [Edited out], whats she gonna teach their kids? and next wife he finds, sit down and have a frank discussion about azadari and her opinions about it. being single is better than earning the badhua of bibi paak because you were too scared of your [Edited out] wife to do azadari as you felt to do.

Wow! First, I'd like to begin with the following. May Allah grant you a wife that takes part in azadari as you do (or as entailed in this thread), otherwise you're marriage is not going to last if you have the views above. :P

I think you do not understand the fundamentals of a successful marriage. Each partner needs to respect the autonomy of the other partner. However, at the same time, each partner has a responsibility to be considerate of the feelings and emotions of the other partner. Each partner has to sacrifice. His sacrifice would be to give up these extreme methods of azadari whenever he does them, I'm assuming on Ashura and Arbaeen. She may have to sacrifice something later on, but he should not be worrying about this. The most important thing is that both partners need to be ready to sacrifice.

Edited by ~RuQaYaH~
quote edited
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member

Its more the marks and the sight that is left on his back, I mean she cant bear to see his back or anything. and due to that, her Intimate relationship is shattering. I do not wish to talk about this openly, but i hope you all understand what i am trying to say.

Ask the Brother to use some good cream or medicine after every ashura to smooth out the marks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

IMO AFAIK FYI IIRC

face the truth. his azadari is none of her goddamn business. she needs to get off her "im a woman i have rights to assert myself anyway i want to *clicks fingers and swings neck* " [Edited out] high horse, that unfortunately too many sisters on this forum and in the real world jump on and gallop away on.

he chooses to do azadari that way. hes an adult. hes a man. hes her husband. she has no right whatsoever to undermine his authority in such a [Edited Out]py way and make such a bloody drama out of this.

its not as though hes doing every day and every night is it? he does it at most twice a year. isnt one of her roles as a wife to display sabr? why doesnt she just not be such a nutbag and just accept it? im sure the husband puts up with much worse than she has to by the sounds of it anyway.

if i was him, id totally divorce her [Edited out], whats she gonna teach their kids? and next wife he finds, sit down and have a frank discussion about azadari and her opinions about it. being single is better than earning the badhua of bibi paak because you were too scared of your [Edited out] wife to do azadari as you felt to do.

:yaali:

maula salamat rakhay

Edited by ~RuQaYaH~
quote edited
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Wa’alaikumasalaam Wa’rahmatullahee Wa’barakatuhu

And of course, Ya Ali(as) Madad

Seeing the scenario which has been laid out, one would like to think that such matters should have been discussed before the marriage took place.

If the girl knew of the guy’s engagement of doing Zanjeer Zani on the 10th of Muharram and Arbaen, she should have voiced it out before hand, as she knew her disgust towards it.

What I fail to understand is that how can such things be gone unnoticed before a marriage takes place. Seeing that “something happens to her every time she sees him performing the act”, she should have told her parents that she did not approve of the proposal. However, if she did approve of the proposal, but not his act, then she should have spoken to him before the marriage and seen what he would have said or done.

Stated earlier, it says that it’s her “personal opinion” as to why he shouldn’t do Zanjeer Zani. There is no fact as to why he shouldn’t. Just a personal opinion.

Unfortunately, there’s no use of crying over spilled milk. The marriage has happened.

Next step up is to deal with it.

In Islam, the husband has more authority than that of a woman. Yes, women do have their rights, but when you balance the scale, men have the upper hand (not saying it in a bad way.)

May God forgive us, questions like the following should not even by posed:

“Is the Imam to be considered as more of importance then his wife?”

If one were to literally answer this question, then one would say yes, the Imam(as) is more important than a wife who disputes against pursa. Not to sound crude or anything, it’s just that the question posed above was rather blasphemy of it’s own.

The root of the problem was not solved when it should have been (ie before marriage). But now that the plant is in process of growing, the girl wants to plant new seeds?

But why wouldn’t a girl be appreciative of her husband doing Zanjeer or even Qama out of the true intentions that one should? What’s so disgusting about it? The scars? That’s very narrow-minded of one to think. Rather self-centered and with small thinking. I mean yet again, she should have known about his Zanjeer Zani before the marriage.

As a male or a female going into a marriage, the questions of aqeeda and actions should always be posed so that they don’t become trouble eventually.

Another remark that one should be quite shocked at is “Beating himself while crying? Yeh.. not nearly as appealing. “

I don’t even know what to say to that. It’s like people need to step out of some bubble that they live in. First of all, to say something like that is just wrong. End of story. The man isn’t crying over anything useless, he’s crying over Gham-e-Shabbir(as) which can not be compared! It’s not meant to be appealing, he’s not crying to pose for the camera, he’s crying out of the sheer pain of Gham-e-Imam Hussain(as)! And to think that a solid man can pour his eyes out for Imam Hussain(as) is a blessing for the wife on it’s own!

.

Being in the marriage right now, the girl has to do some research from her ends to see if she believes in Zanjeer Zani or not. Not due to physical appearances, but Islamically.

If she does believe it to be alright Islamically, then she should be thankful that her husband is into it with his pure intentions and heart.

If she doesn’t believe in it and condemns it to be a haram act, then she should discuss the matter with her husband. I’m sure they’ll find other differences amongst themselves even though they both are from the same sect.

But yet again, this matter should have been spoken of before the marriage took place.

Other than that, the reasons as to why she doesn’t approve of Zanjeer Zani seem more personally opinionated than factually stated.

Maula(as) Waris

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Salam to all,

On this point I really found wisdom in Ayatollah Sistani's fatwa (although other marja, such as Ayatollah Khamani have said similar things), especially this part, " The main objective of mourning and lamentation during 'Ashura', is to respect the signs and symbols of religion and remember the suffering of Imam Hussain (as), his companions, and his uprising to defend Islam and prevent the destruction of the religion by Bani Umayyad dynasty. These rites must be done in such a way that in addition to serving that purpose, it draws the attention of others to these lofty goals. Also its ritual aspect should be preserved. So those actions which are not understandable for the enemies of Islam and non-Shia Muslims and causes misunderstanding and contempt for the religion must be avoided."

http://www.ezsoftech.com/mazloom/zanjeer.asp

So when we perform any action, it should be done with a purpose and not just because it feels good (which is hedonism). Even if an action has no lofty purpose, but is Islamicly permissible and doesn't harm anyone else then we should not get involved and be tolerant of other's wishes/desires. However, if a person is engaging in an action which is actually undermining the movement of Imam Hussein then one should not be silent.

When I first accepted Islam my Evangelical Christian grandparents (who were very much against Islam and Shia Islam in particular) would often refer to a documentary about Shia Islam on an American news show called "20/20", which was peppered with scenes of Zanjeer throughout the program. They would also interview knowledgeable religious scholars about these rituals, however, no matter what they said the meaning of the words was consumed by the images of people beating themselves bloody in a seemingly hysterical fashion. Although I understand that this is cultural and is a way of mourning that expresses extreme sadness over the death of Imam Hussien (a.s.), these images are used by the enemies of Islam to distort the universal meaning and message of Ashura. It is also potentially dangerous and harmful to the individual, and intentionally harming yourself is not permitted in Islam.

The purpose of mourning Imam Hussien is not simply to express our grief, it is to call others to join Imam Hussien (a.s.) in his movement for social justice for all of humanity. When people within the movement are engaged in actions which are naturally repulsive it makes it more difficult for others who are attempting to accomplish the broader purpose.

So, in this case, the correct action to resolve the marital problem seems like a "no brainer" to me.

Edited by Abu Ali 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you use alovera and some other lotions (some of the brothers more experienced with zanjeer could probably give more information on that) and treat the wounds correctly, they don not scar (from what I hear).

Other wise perhaps he should take up Qama Zani instead, at least then she will not see the scars till he is old and bald.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Banned

sis ruqayah:

(firstly apologies for the language, got a bit carried away)

alhaldulillah Allah didnt make me shy when it comes to important things like this, if she is not pro zanjeer and a shia and believes in wilayat taqweeniya and that the masomeen are haazir au naazir, then im not interested. been a few cases now so far when ive said no when mums asked me if i would be interested, being single is better than being dominated by a womans whims. made that unfortunate mistake too in the past. it sucked.

guys should stand up for what they believe in, and never take [Edited Out] of f crazy women, no matter what form of blackmail/ hysterics they attempt. .

sis zahra_naqvi:

i love this quote in particular:

But why wouldn’t a girl be appreciative of her husband doing Zanjeer or even Qama out of the true intentions that one should? What’s so disgusting about it? The scars? That’s very narrow-minded of one to think. Rather self-centered and with small thinking. I mean yet again, she should have known about his Zanjeer Zani before the marriage.

this is EXACTLY what i mean. she is trying to stop him from doing ibaadat because she doesnt like looking at scars. as though his entrance into jannah is reliant soley on how attractive she finds him. its a pathetic way to act, and its ridiculous that people are actually defending her!

brother abu ali 2

the "main reason" to do azadari is nothing whatsoever to do with casual outside observers opinions. firstly - its a way for us to earn heaven and more importantly the duas of bibi paak (sa). secondly, its linked to the immortal words "mawaddat fil qurba". we do it because we love those paak beings.

neither of these reasons are somehow negated or nullified because johnny english thinks its a bit extreme.

brother al-mufeed

a tiny bit of tumeric powder (haldi) in a steaming hot mug of milk every hour while awake speeds recovery and reduces scarring also. the main thing is to get the scars cleaned, and keep them clean.

unfortunately tho ive got this weird immune response, so my scars turn into black slug looking things, so i dunno about preventing scarring lol, i dont mind tho. each scar is a token, a badge of my love for bibi paak (sa), inshallah on qiyaamat they will be my shifa

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

I agree with MDM.

If it is important to him, she shouldn't force him to give it up, there is a word called compromise i believe?

(And no, i am not a pro-zanjeer person, I just think that if a woman has issues of this nature they ought to be addressed prior to marriage and in the event

that an unknown issue does arise, she should judge it accordingly and be prepared to compromise)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

It's interesting to see u guys debating zanjeer yet again but the OP who asked the question has disappeared! :!!!:

Haha So true Sister Syeda Zaidi.

sis ruqayah:

(firstly apologies for the language, got a bit carried away)

alhaldulillah Allah didnt make me shy when it comes to important things like this, if she is not pro zanjeer and a shia and believes in wilayat taqweeniya and that the masomeen are haazir au naazir, then im not interested. been a few cases now so far when ive said no when mums asked me if i would be interested, being single is better than being dominated by a womans whims. made that unfortunate mistake too in the past. it sucked.

guys should stand up for what they believe in, and never take [Edited Out] of f crazy women, no matter what form of blackmail/ hysterics they attempt. .

sis zahra_naqvi:

i love this quote in particular:

this is EXACTLY what i mean. she is trying to stop him from doing ibaadat because she doesnt like looking at scars. as though his entrance into jannah is reliant soley on how attractive she finds him. its a pathetic way to act, and its ridiculous that people are actually defending her!

brother abu ali 2

the "main reason" to do azadari is nothing whatsoever to do with casual outside observers opinions. firstly - its a way for us to earn heaven and more importantly the duas of bibi paak (sa). secondly, its linked to the immortal words "mawaddat fil qurba". we do it because we love those paak beings.

neither of these reasons are somehow negated or nullified because johnny english thinks its a bit extreme.

brother al-mufeed

a tiny bit of tumeric powder (haldi) in a steaming hot mug of milk every hour while awake speeds recovery and reduces scarring also. the main thing is to get the scars cleaned, and keep them clean.

unfortunately tho ive got this weird immune response, so my scars turn into black slug looking things, so i dunno about preventing scarring lol, i dont mind tho. each scar is a token, a badge of my love for bibi paak (sa), inshallah on qiyaamat they will be my shifa

Unfortunately, I guess people still need some reality checks. But for all one can know, the situation at hand may not even be true, but just put out for people to dispute over, seeing that the original person who started the topic has disappeared.

Edited by Zahra_Naqvi110
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

sis ruqayah:

(firstly apologies for the language, got a bit carried away)

alhaldulillah Allah didnt make me shy when it comes to important things like this, if she is not pro zanjeer and a shia and believes in wilayat taqweeniya and that the masomeen are haazir au naazir, then im not interested. been a few cases now so far when ive said no when mums asked me if i would be interested, being single is better than being dominated by a womans whims. made that unfortunate mistake too in the past. it sucked.

guys should stand up for what they believe in, and never take [Edited Out] of f crazy women, no matter what form of blackmail/ hysterics they attempt. .

I'm not sure why you've directed this at me? Anyway, please be more careful in the future.

wasalaam

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Basic Members

IMO AFAIK FYI IIRC

face the truth. his azadari is none of her goddamn business. she needs to get off her "im a woman i have rights to assert myself anyway i want to *clicks fingers and swings neck* " [Edited out] high horse, that unfortunately too many sisters on this forum and in the real world jump on and gallop away on.

he chooses to do azadari that way. hes an adult. hes a man. hes her husband. she has no right whatsoever to undermine his authority in such a [Edited Out]py way and make such a bloody drama out of this.

its not as though hes doing every day and every night is it? he does it at most twice a year. isnt one of her roles as a wife to display sabr? why doesnt she just not be such a nutbag and just accept it? im sure the husband puts up with much worse than she has to by the sounds of it anyway.

if i was him, id totally divorce her [Edited out], whats she gonna teach their kids? and next wife he finds, sit down and have a frank discussion about azadari and her opinions about it. being single is better than earning the badhua of bibi paak because you were too scared of your [Edited out] wife to do azadari as you felt to do.

This is exactly the reply i would have given.

I do not understnd why the woman is going on ranting saying that it is "DESTROYING" the marriage.!!!

WHY SO MUCH EXAGGERATION??

Please try and be less DRAMATIC.

If the husband IGNORES the wife all other days of the year THEN it is justified to accuse him.

It is a SIN to blame Ashura for the cause of destruction of marriage.

Please seek forgiveness.

This is the first time im coming across such a thing, from what iv seen wifes are proud and feel honoured about their husbands performing zanjeer, but then again it is a matter of personal choice.

Its all in the mind ; whether to make the marriage or break it.

If u have made up ur mind that it is DESTROYING ur marriage and nothing can be done about it, then, nothing really can be done about it.

:yaali:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Salam

I havent really dissapeared, I have just been extremmely busy with work and all. However I have come online reading to what you all have had to say. The only reason I touched on this topic here was purely due to the fact I felt it had made a major affect on her. I wanted to see what everyone of you opinions were. She is not somewhat a monster trying to controll her husband at all times. Shes very down to earth, very religious and she does a lot in the name of Imam Hussain. She is strong follower of Ahlulbayt so please dont get any wrong ideas. She has never controlled him as to what some of you say. But this zanjeer act has given her an effect and she has never nagged on him either. I felt that yes Ashura is extremely important. Its Highly needed, its to really guide us to the right and remind us of what took place and why we're here. But nowhere does it say that relationship is not important. Every act a husband does for a wife is a blessing! is it not? if he knows that its affecting her then maybe he should think about it, rather then saying or commenting " the scars will be lifetime and you're a temp in my life" This is a very hearltess very shallow thing to say to a wife. I mean its not her fault shes feeling it big time. We all are human beings arent we? " he also said hes zanjeer is more important to him then her" is this what shia is about? mustahab act becoming soo important then the wife who is always there for the husband, always supports the husbands.

this is all I have to say. Its sad how he has made zanjeer important then her! nothing is important between husband and wife but them!! And ofcourse all the wajib acts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Banned

he also said hes zanjeer is more important to him then her"

he is 100% right, who is she to make demands on what azadari he can and cant do? is she his marja or something?

its her problem, not his. its for her to deal with on her own, instead of trying to force this maulas azadar (god know theres few left) to give up his pursa just to be attractive to her.

let me ask you a question.

ok she finds his scars disgusting. will him giving up zanjeer somehow make his old scars dissapear? so what difference does it make if he does zanjeer or not?

bloody loonbat. what a poor guy, may bibi paak (sa) keep him in her duas and accept his pursa, and save him from the misery that he is trapped in

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Salam

I havent really dissapeared, I have just been extremmely busy with work and all. However I have come online reading to what you all have had to say. The only reason I touched on this topic here was purely due to the fact I felt it had made a major affect on her. I wanted to see what everyone of you opinions were. She is not somewhat a monster trying to controll her husband at all times. Shes very down to earth, very religious and she does a lot in the name of Imam Hussain. She is strong follower of Ahlulbayt so please dont get any wrong ideas. She has never controlled him as to what some of you say. But this zanjeer act has given her an effect and she has never nagged on him either. I felt that yes Ashura is extremely important. Its Highly needed, its to really guide us to the right and remind us of what took place and why we're here. But nowhere does it say that relationship is not important. Every act a husband does for a wife is a blessing! is it not? if he knows that its affecting her then maybe he should think about it, rather then saying or commenting " the scars will be lifetime and you're a temp in my life" This is a very hearltess very shallow thing to say to a wife. I mean its not her fault shes feeling it big time. We all are human beings arent we? " he also said hes zanjeer is more important to him then her" is this what shia is about? mustahab act becoming soo important then the wife who is always there for the husband, always supports the husbands.

this is all I have to say. Its sad how he has made zanjeer important then her! nothing is important between husband and wife but them!! And ofcourse all the wajib acts.

There is a such thing as extremist shias and that's exactly what people who take azadari to blood letting are, like this fellow that you're talking about. Although they're not as bad as extremist sunnis (they only hurt themselves, not blow themselves up to kill innocents), I'm still sick and tired of having to answer for their acts when someone comes up to me and tries to use zanjeer as an example of why Shia Islam is so barbaric (and let's not kid ourselves here, zanjeer and qama are barbaric, but they're cultural practices and not religious, they have no relation to actual Shia Islam).

There comes a point where you wonder if these people even care about the sacrifice of Imam Hussain anymore because it seems like zanjeer and qama are the only things on their minds during Muharram. Islam is more important than your spouse, but it's ridiculous to think that a cultural practice of cutting yourself is as well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...