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In the Name of God بسم الله

Need some help...

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  • Advanced Member

Lol brother dont worry. Just because girls have feelings for guys doesnt mean they are ''modern'' and dont care about their respect. Its nice to show how you care for your shia sisters :)

Anyway just because he stares doesnt mean he is a flirter. I know he is not and time will tell InshAllah. Brother dont worry, living in the west doesnt mean we forgot our religion, culture or respect. Nor does love let us forgot them.

Hhmmmmm

You know sister! there is one universal truth, That love is blind.

I can only pray 4 you and him.

GOD bless you.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member

:P

Do what I do. Be mean to them to get their attention.

Can't say it has work for me since I'm single but yeah...

:lol: :lol: :lol:

awesome stuff! thats sometimes what i resort to doing too :P ...

kant say things work out for the best but its fun while it lasts eh? ^_^

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  • Advanced Member

His behaviour mirrors a particular breed of men- the strategic.

This has happend to me before, and the reason why i would ignore her, is to get some revenge lol. Not only revenge, but to show her my value, so that she can like me even more. And when it seems that if i ignore her for one more day, this chemistry is over, i would strike the move. Only problem is, most people, like myself sometimes dont find the courage to strike at the pivotal point, and end up missing out on meeting them. My advice would be to stop showing interest in a tangible way, dont make it obvious. Ignore him for a week or so. Then when he has totally given up, approach him and talk to him in a manner again with no interest. If you like what you see, and he shows interest, then give him a very very small expression of affection eg- it was very nice meeting you. That is all. Play hard to get, and he will start chasing.

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Oh my GOD! Sister you are so innocent. Never believe/trust in boys smiles. Always smiles of flurters are more attractive than sincere ones. You dont know boys attitude, I am not sure about him but i have passed uni life, i know each n everything. You will shock to know this that in uni more than 95% guys try to catch girls just for time pass, Even many of my shia friends did like this and even doing now. I think you are mature girl, you should think about this.

1 thing more i want to tell you, which is very very common, if in case he will try to approach you through your friends, you should ask him 1 question that if you are intrested in me and want to marry me just send your mom to my home, then you will see his face, and even then you can guess how sincere he is. If he is realy sincere his face will glow up due to happiness, if not then he will say ok i will tel to my mom, i will try, yes but not now, etc etc. So becareful sister. All these are my personal experiences and i have seen such type of many cases. I am telling you all these to protect you just like my own sister from flurters. Some time i will tell you attitude of real sincere boys or real true lovers. Now best of luck and take care.

Yours brother

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

WTH

You have just made the biggest generalisations i have ever came across. Firstly, you dont know 'everything'. You havent met every guy in uni. Secondly, i myself would have a distressed face if the girl said that to me. I would want to meet her first, at least have a few meetings, chats before i would even think of sending my mum. This girl sounds mature and iam sure she can deduce between a 'flurter' ahahaha and a serious guy. Reading your other posts, ofcourse he dosent love her, he just likes the way she looks or her chemical scent. How is it possible to love someone by seeing them a few times.

Finally, not all guys at uni just want girls to 'pass the time'. In fact, i myself am a University student, and am looking for a girl at uni, to inshalla settle with, and when i say settle with i dont mean mutah i mean engagement leading to permanent marriage.

Sister, i discourage you to make a judgement based on how he looks. This is the BIGGEST mistake anybody can do. In the other forum i posted a story, about my group in which we appear to look metrosexual and are obsessed with the gym, and i made a comparison with a bunch of religious manly looking decent boys who my own father suggested for me to mirror. Long story short, these men ended up homosexual. Certainly, this story shouldnt be teh basis of your life and the moral isnt that every decent looking person is homosexual. IT just sais to dig deeper than their tangible appearances, find 'the skull beneath the skin'.

And as for this guy youve met, refer to my comment above. :)

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His behaviour mirrors a particular breed of men- the strategic.

This has happend to me before, and the reason why i would ignore her, is to get some revenge lol. Not only revenge, but to show her my value, so that she can like me even more. And when it seems that if i ignore her for one more day, this chemistry is over, i would strike the move. Only problem is, most people, like myself sometimes dont find the courage to strike at the pivotal point, and end up missing out on meeting them. My advice would be to stop showing interest in a tangible way, dont make it obvious. Ignore him for a week or so. Then when he has totally given up, approach him and talk to him in a manner again with no interest. If you like what you see, and he shows interest, then give him a very very small expression of affection eg- it was very nice meeting you. That is all. Play hard to get, and he will start chasing.

Thanks alot for your comment. Its good to know that what he is doing is not ''abnormal''. So its not like he is totally ignoring me. I dont know if this is ''normal'' but one moment its like I dont even exist and the other is like im the only person. And when he ignores me his friend stares. Which is very frustrating.

And I dont think I could even approach him and talk to him. First of all, isnt that a turn off? Secondly, I dont think I have the courage, I have never approached a guy and made the first step. What makes me wonder, what WOULD hold a guy to approach a girl and make the first step? I mean we are like this for like six months.

Id love to hear your views about the above. Thanks again :)

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  • Advanced Member

Thanks alot for your comment. Its good to know that what he is doing is not ''abnormal''. So its not like he is totally ignoring me. I dont know if this is ''normal'' but one moment its like I dont even exist and the other is like im the only person. And when he ignores me his friend stares. Which is very frustrating.

And I dont think I could even approach him and talk to him. First of all, isnt that a turn off? Secondly, I dont think I have the courage, I have never approached a guy and made the first step. What makes me wonder, what WOULD hold a guy to approach a girl and make the first step? I mean we are like this for like six months.

Id love to hear your views about the above. Thanks again :)

In this case, you have to make a decision based on the following.

Are you willing, if everything goes to plan, and a relationship is formed and develops, bla bla, in which the odds are very likely. Will you sacrifice confidence in your relationship, that is the mans confidence, because if its been 6 months then certainly he lacks the confidence. However, it could just mean that because of this strong attraction to you, he has lost his self esteem, which still makes him a confident guy, but your so special to him that he lost all his confidence aha. Why not ask around about him first? To see his reputation, and if you are convinced then approach him. Perhaps, the reason why you are in a stronger position to approach him than he is is because he likes you more than you do.

Whatever you do, make sure your intention is pure, so that Allah and the companions will help you endeavour on this.

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  • Advanced Member

(bismillah)

(salam)

I would say read the Quran, and involve your self in prayers and studies. Look around and love Allah, when you will love Him, you will obey Him. And know that your Imam Mahdi a.s. (ajf) is alive and is watching you. Would you be in his army. This life is temporary. It will be hard at first , but just keep Allah and Imam Mahdi a.s. (ajf) constantly in your mind, do whatever you do for their sake, like for example get knowlegde thinking that you will need it when in Imam Mahdi a.s. (ajf)'s army. Dont let them out of your mind at all!!!

If anything ask your family to take an alliance to his family. That is what is happens in my country. That way you wont also get mocks by the guy's family (if u guys marry) that you were in a relationship before marraige. Trust me on that :rolleyes::dry:

Edited by syedabatool
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  • Advanced Member

(salam)

I have to agree with brother m.alg1 on this... not because it gives ladies hope but because it true: A shark isnt representative of all the creatures living in the sea is it? no. They all share similarities sure, but each aquatic species has different characteristics which allows us to differentiate them from each other.. and this concept, i believe can be applied to human personalities aswell. One nasty man cannot account for all the other men in the world. If women didnt believe this then every female wud lose all hope after getting out a wreck of a relationship, feeling most outrageous of emotions in the future, towards the humblest of guys who may show simple signs of attraction towards yourself. In other words, we'd all be gay and that'd be that!! Such isnt the nicest of thoughts ... Dont get me wrong tho, if i werr to give some advice then yu'd be reading it right now but then again, i'd only be repeating what m.alg1 said. :D Well thats me and my two cents done lolz... Inshallah I hope you eyes dont decieve you and hopefully you find what you are looking for..

(wasalam)

Edited by *Safinatun_Najaat*
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  • Advanced Member

A shark isnt representative of all the creatures living in the sea is it? no. They all share similarities sure, but each aquatic species has different characteristics which allows us to differentiate them from each other.. and this concept, i believe can be applied to human personalities aswell.

Very very interesting concept..

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  • Advanced Member

lol, funny stuff.

Sis, we all go through it, it sucks.

Brothers, I have a question. If you like a girl then why would you just stare at her? Isn't the "second" glance haram? And what's the point of staring, like what will it benefit you? Sure, you'll be able to memorize her face, and? What's the point?

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  • Advanced Member

lol, funny stuff.

Sis, we all go through it, it sucks.

Brothers, I have a question. If you like a girl then why would you just stare at her? Isn't the "second" glance haram? And what's the point of staring, like what will it benefit you? Sure, you'll be able to memorize her face, and? What's the point?

Well, its a desire which is extremely hard for the unmarried ones, hence why marriage redeems 50 percent of deen i guess.......

I mean, living in the West is so hard, everything alludes to our desires, and it is so damn easy to follow onto them, all it takes is a conversation.

Yet, marriage at a young age is also hard, because Uni is so so intense and stressful, and most 18-20 year old mens cant afford to open up a house for his bride.

lol, and if we were to migrate... we would face the risk of war...

But, i guess if it was easy, then everyone would be in heaven...

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  • Advanced Member

(salam)

lolz why thank you.. glad you liked it koz i made that concept up ^_^ .... Sorry, im currently goin thru one of those 'Proud moment' phases at the moment! :lol:

(wasalam)

hehehhe,

high shot manifesting 'power' and a 'proud' moment, with monumental music OOPS music is haram, i mean drums :P:P

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Well, its a desire which is extremely hard for the unmarried ones, hence why marriage redeems 50 percent of deen i guess.......

I mean, living in the West is so hard, everything alludes to our desires, and it is so damn easy to follow onto them, all it takes is a conversation.

Yet, marriage at a young age is also hard, because Uni is so so intense and stressful, and most 18-20 year old mens cant afford to open up a house for his bride.

lol, and if we were to migrate... we would face the risk of war...

But, i guess if it was easy, then everyone would be in heaven...

(salam)

Yeah no doubt about it! If you wanna test a muslim individuals own Imaan and tolerance of worldly pressures, the West is the perfect place to implement this! I mean just walkin down the street, i come across a billboard and Surprise surprise; What do we have here? An oversized image of an attractive man (wearing nothing but a bedsheet) lying seductively on a couch infront of a woman whose thoughts are obviously elsewhere! And guess what this ad is suppose to be promoting; Attraction? Lust? Seduction? S**?... Hmm possible but not kwite. actually far from it really! its Arnotts TimTam Biscuits. They decide to promote something we eat this way?! Bloody hell, sometimes i just cannot help but think that these advertisers have totally gone Kookoo up in that little space they call a brain!

Out here, its like everything absolutely has and must relate back to s** and s**uality or something of that sort! Its no wonder why the rate of divorces are so high in western societies; theres always a constant competition of my 'dull' wife against a drop dead gorgeous model, or that split second of considering a fun hansome lover over that 'strict' husband of yours... (aswell as other marital factors ofcourse!) To be honest, its really difficult to keep to your faith especially if your muslim friends start to act this way... I just hope that one can be willing to see someone for their true character without being clouded by an illusion (e.g: like a girl has a crush on a guy whose attractive in every sense and believes they might some chemistry yet she dismisses the fact that he may stare every other beautiful girl in the room! Note: please know that im not that im pointing anybody out in particular since this example is similar to the OP, im sure most girls aswell as guys have experienced such situations, i know i have :blush: .) and that they may be guided and inshallah, remain patient so as avoid 'rushing in' to something that may be bad for them. Oh and also understanding, especially if all doesnt go in the direction desired by the heart.

.... Inshallah our sister has found her guy. i guess we'll just have to wait and see :D

(wasalam)

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  • Advanced Member

hehehhe,

high shot manifesting 'power' and a 'proud' moment, with monumental music OOPS music is haram, i mean drums :P:P

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Ahh the drumms are no pwoblemo at all! Im shurr we kan attempt a noisy cresendo with these beauties dont ya think? :P

(wasalam)

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(salam)

Out here, its like everything absolutely has and must relate back to s** and s**uality or something of that sort! Its no wonder why the rate of divorces are so high in western societies; theres always a constant competition of my 'dull' wife against a drop dead gorgeous model, or that split second of considering a fun hansome lover over that 'strict' husband of yours... (aswell as other marital factors ofcourse!)

Salam,

I liked you're post, and I think you made several good points. One thing you may have overlooked is that "other marital factors" are the "binding agent" that makes adultery seem attractive. If a man or women is satisfied with their marital relations then they may give such an advertisement a first (but not a second) look, but it will not influence their behavior. It is only because of lack of a fulfilling conjugal relationship within the marriage that the man or women look for fulfillment outside of marriage.

Some of the reasons for a lack of fulfillment are due to external factors, and some are due to internal ones. For a women to be constantly compared ( either explicitly or implicitly) physically to other women is a form of oppression. It is for this reason that the command for women to cover themselves is as much a benefit to women as men. Because women in western countries (in general) do not practice modesty (hijab) in either their dress or manners they are oppressing both themselves (if they are in a committed relationship) and other women.

Another reason is that (ironically) despite the fact that the Prophet (a.s.) and the Imams (a.s.) spoke very openly and explicitly about the proper manner in which a husband and wife should fulfill their conjugal duties we find that Muslims (both men and women) ignore their advice and seek the advice of non-Muslims and secular "therapists" when they have a problem in this area. We also find that despite the fact that Islam is very open about this subject (and encourage candor in the area between the husband and wife), Muslim husbands and wives do not discuss the their likes and dislikes in an open and honest way. This leads to misunderstandings within the relationship and a tendency to seek fulfillment of their desires outside of marriage.

Edited by Abu Ali 2
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  • Advanced Member

Salam,

I liked you're post, and I think you made several good points. One thing you may have overlooked is that "other marital factors" are the "binding agent" that makes adultery seem attractive. If a man or women is satisfied with their marital relations then they may give such an advertisement a first (but not a second) look, but it will not influence their behavior. It is only because of lack of a fulfilling conjugal relationship within the marriage that the man or women look for fulfillment outside of marriage.

Some of the reasons for a lack of fulfillment are due to external factors, and some are due to internal ones. For a women to be constantly compared ( either explicitly or implicitly) physically to other women is a form of oppression. It is for this reason that the command for women to cover themselves is as much a benefit to women as men. Because women in western countries (in general) do not practice modesty (hijab) in either their dress or manners they are oppressing both themselves (if they are in a committed relationship) and other women.

Another reason is that (ironically) despite the fact that the Prophet (a.s.) and the Imams (a.s.) spoke very openly and explicitly about the proper manner in which a husband and wife should fulfill their conjugal duties we find that Muslims (both men and women) ignore their advice and seek the advice of non-Muslims and secular "therapists" when they have a problem in this area. We also find that despite the fact that Islam is very open about this subject (and encourage candor in the area between the husband and wife), Muslim husbands and wives do not discuss the their likes and dislikes in an open and honest way. This leads to misunderstandings within the relationship and a tendency to seek fulfillment of their desires outside of marriage

(salam)

thanx brother.. i enjoy your post too! The content in it gives much insight to married couples aswell as non married individuals. By stating such and such allows us to recognise the issue and inshallah we shall learn to avoid such problems because if we know whats wrong, then hopefully we will know how to make things right! I especially like the fact that you pointed out the benefits of observing hijab especially in the Western society! Thats because not many females i know who wear hijab, are aware of the protection it provides and its benefits. To not wear hijab in public is like not only giving permission for any man to come into the privacy of your bedroom but rather inviting him to do so! If only some muslim women wud see things through this perspective especially the younger ones, they wouldnt be walking around complaining of being 'forced' to wear hijab when kwestioned about it!

Also the other fact that you mentioned in your post about the lack of communication between married partners: So sooo true! Marriage is one of the most intimate relationships around, yet its not! - A wife may not be allowed to express herself freely without fearing what her husband might do, or the husband may be too proud to admit that his relationship is about to hit rock bottom! What kind of person kan survive living their whole life with another person, like this?! i'd go crazy! might aswell get me married in a mental asylum and save the hassle in the future! lolz... but seriously i reckon this is one of the biggest issues around and the solution is simple. Talk! Sure its easier said than done but all one really needs is an open heart bent on changin for the better good, an understanding mind along with a cool head for when there is disagreements between the two... bekoz obviously there'd definitely be something wrong if a couple never ever fought... ever! Theres not suppose to be some hostility in a relationship like marriage but the fact of the matter is, that it does exist. And its up to that couple to sort out their marital issues and find a solution to their own problems and seek comfort within themselves... rather than goin down the easy path with some third party.

...Um me and you kinda seem to be imitating Dr.Phil with our little discussion here lolz... sorry to the OP for being alittle off the topic we're suppose to be discussing. ^_^

(wasalam)

Edited by *Safinatun_Najaat*
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