need some help puhleezz

[zehrahiba]

Salam..

I am a syed girl living in pakistan. I am kind of lost in the situation that i am in. I never wanted to be in any relationship before marriage..but last year alot of my family members forced me to be with a cousin of mines who sincerely had feelings for me..he is a very immature guy and they all said i could change him and make him a better man. i still didn't wanna take any step without my parents will but i had no choice at that time..i felt if i could do good for him..then i should take a step and i didn't develop any feelings for him in the first few months and i did manage to change him..but after few months..i did start liking him bcz of the respect he gave to me and all the care he showed. i felt all this was wrong and i tried to end it..but once u get into such things its hard to come out. he is very serious about marriage but my parents don't like him because of the fact that's he's 2 immature and silly. he is a mature person in real but sometimes people cannot just see the other side of you. they tend to pick on ur bad qualities and stick with them forever. i wont say my parents are wrong and nor will i do anything against them but i feel bad all the time that to some extent i am responsible for hurting him at any stage in life. i am very close 2 him and he knows about all the insecurities i have within me but he tells me 2 b patient and just consider his efforts and he is working very hard 4 us to have a future . so what should i do???...i don't want my parents to ever get gunnah because of the fact that even after my mom warned me not to talk with him as we had no future i still did because i want to make sure that he is fully converted into a better person ....he does listen alot what i say..and i just want to make sure that until i can...i want to the best 4 him...help him have a good future...by changing him in his present today...

i am confused as to whether what i am doing is right or wrong........what should i do?

[3ashiqat-Al-Batoul]

The best thing you can do now if you want to have a future with him is, since your parents know him, for him to completely change the way he acts in public and especially around them. To be completely mature, talk maturely, and not slip up into the immature old self while in their presence. If he continues this for a long time they may finally see that he has grown up and may accept him.

Its worth a try. :)

[Bonafide Hustler]

Your family members forced you into this situation, if you are serious about this guy, you should use that card. Just tell him to man up and keep maturing, I am sure there is time, patience is everything in life.

[hasanna]

Your family convinced you into fornication? And on top of that they want you to marry somewhere else and fool an innocent person?

Edited December 10, 2009 by Zareen
unnecessary comment removed

[zehrahiba]

That is wrong of you to think that my family forced me into fornication..the use of the word here is totally wrong..i have my own morals and trust me i cannot ever break them!...i meant my cousins and some elder relatives told us that it would be good if we got married...they always said he was best for me..and they told him i was best for him and i could make him follow the right path by influencing him and stopping him..i never wanted to get into all this but at the same time i wanted to change him because if i could help somebody change then why back out/...?.. we never meet each other or talk daily or do anything wrong...we talk once in a while..and discuss matters like how he could make a better future for himself..i tell him abt his education and work and religious life...and we share our feelings and our problems too...and trust me our intentions are only for marriage..and he is trying his best..and i respect that but i always remind him that i will marry only that person whom my parents approve..he is my cousin but sometimes inside family issues stand as a barrier to things..i know maybe God would be unhappy with me talking to him like that...and i have made up my mind many times that ok this time i am not going to talk and then i tihnk no...who will help him then..he listens to me...and ive jst been talking for ayear...i am patient...and i hope things will work out..but i still want to tell it to my parents..bcz i don't want to hide things from them and why hide if you are not doing anything wrong....

[ShiaSoldier@2007]

(bismillah) (salam)

Is that why majority of the 313 in Imam Mahdi's (as) army will be pakistani and Irani?

I don't wanna seem like I am defending my self but, their are Pakistanis that would make you look like a mushrik in comparison to them.

Edited December 10, 2009 by Zareen
removed quote

[Shabbar-E-Shabbir]

Learn to reply.

Edited December 10, 2009 by Zareen
removed quote

[Doctor_Naqvi]

Learn to reply.

+1

[Burning Desire]

listen this is really serious to play with some one emotions....please talk with the guy about ur parents views about him,give him some dead line about ur future plans and if it does not works please release that poor soul from all this emotions.....so that he can move ahead and look for his better future.

[sayedzeeshan]

Please keep your racist slurs to yourself.

Edited December 10, 2009 by Zareen
removed quote

[ShiaSoldier@2007]

(bismillah) (salam)

You better watch it, one more word like that and we will get all the bhabis to spread rumours about you.

Edited December 10, 2009 by Zareen
removed quote

[Doctor_Naqvi]

(bismillah) (salam)

You better watch it, one more word like that and we will get all the bhabis to spread rumours about you.

ROFL

[khuram]

A Pakistani muslim is almost a myth!

plz dont say it, but i agree k bohat si cheezain jo subcontinent pohnchi unka bera ghark hogaya . . . . .

[Gypsy]

..i never wanted to get into all this but at the same time i wanted to change him because if i could help somebody change then why back out/...? i always remind him that i will marry only that person whom my parents approve..

(salam)

Why don't you ask your parents if they approve your cousin.

Since you have been speaking to someone for year, I think it is only fair to get the clarification as soon as possible. Why lead someone on if things are not going to work out in the future.

[raza amir]

Salam..

I am a syed girl living in pakistan. I am kind of lost in the situation that i am in. I never wanted to be in any relationship before marriage..but last year alot of my family members forced me to be with a cousin of mines who sincerely had feelings for me..he is a very immature guy and they all said i could change him and make him a better man. i still didn't wanna take any step without my parents will but i had no choice at that time..i felt if i could do good for him..then i should take a step and i didn't develop any feelings for him in the first few months and i did manage to change him..but after few months..i did start liking him bcz of the respect he gave to me and all the care he showed. i felt all this was wrong and i tried to end it..but once u get into such things its hard to come out. he is very serious about marriage but my parents don't like him because of the fact that's he's 2 immature and silly. he is a mature person in real but sometimes people cannot just see the other side of you. they tend to pick on ur bad qualities and stick with them forever. i wont say my parents are wrong and nor will i do anything against them but i feel bad all the time that to some extent i am responsible for hurting him at any stage in life. i am very close 2 him and he knows about all the insecurities i have within me but he tells me 2 b patient and just consider his efforts and he is working very hard 4 us to have a future . so what should i do???...i don't want my parents to ever get gunnah because of the fact that even after my mom warned me not to talk with him as we had no future i still did because i want to make sure that he is fully converted into a better person ....he does listen alot what i say..and i just want to make sure that until i can...i want to the best 4 him...help him have a good future...by changing him in his present today...

i am confused as to whether what i am doing is right or wrong........what should i do?

Oh so tough situation, your case is little bit same like me. I am also syed, i also love one of my relatives. In my case even her parents likes me because Allah has given me a great future, she also likes me but doesnt want to marry me becz i like to spend v simple life and she is very modern, anyhow dear sis i think you should leave your situation on Allah as i did. INSHALLAH Allah will will do the best 4 you and 4 him aswell. But one thing i want to tell you that never break hearts, becz totay dillon main KHUDA rehta hay.

[PrincessFatema]

That is wrong of you to think that my family forced me into fornication..the use of the word here is totally wrong..i have my own morals and trust me i cannot ever break them!...i meant my cousins and some elder relatives told us that it would be good if we got married...they always said he was best for me..and they told him i was best for him and i could make him follow the right path by influencing him and stopping him..i never wanted to get into all this but at the same time i wanted to change him because if i could help somebody change then why back out/...?.. we never meet each other or talk daily or do anything wrong...we talk once in a while..and discuss matters like how he could make a better future for himself..i tell him abt his education and work and religious life...and we share our feelings and our problems too...and trust me our intentions are only for marriage..and he is trying his best..and i respect that but i always remind him that i will marry only that person whom my parents approve..he is my cousin but sometimes inside family issues stand as a barrier to things..i know maybe God would be unhappy with me talking to him like that...and i have made up my mind many times that ok this time i am not going to talk and then i tihnk no...who will help him then..he listens to me...and ive jst been talking for ayear...i am patient...and i hope things will work out..but i still want to tell it to my parents..bcz i don't want to hide things from them and why hide if you are not doing anything wrong....

This is not fornication? :blush:

You are playing a love game with this man and than another game with your future husband as your family wants you to marry another person and not him. You and your family are commiting a serious sin and there are grave consequences.

[Envir-Islam]

I would say that you are playing a little love game with him but he along side is going with it. Does he know the way your parents feel about him? If he does then he knows that he should change if he wishes to be with you. I agree you should put a set date and give you prayers to Allah and leave it up to him to decide. Allah has a plan for us all, accept what he does and trust the path set forth.

Sincerly,

Drema

[zehrahiba]

jazakallah to everyone for their views!...

trust me..i have no liking for playing with anyone's feelings...and i am not so rude either to anyone!>..i have told the guy from the first day itself that its all up to my parent's decision and i won't say anything if they ask me to marry someone else...he knows all truth please don't think i am lying to him or trying to play with his emotions and fool him after reading some comments i was literally in tears because i have a pure heart and i just came to this website to seek some help..bcz i am all alone with no one to help!!

and i don't talk to or make friends with any guys...and i did talk to my dad about him...its just we have too complicated internal family situations that even if we try to we can't do anything..i just wanted to marry someone within my cousins because we are all 3 daughters..i wanted my husband to be someone who will take care of my family and love them just as hw i love them...and that's mostly possible within cousin marriages..whenever i talk to him i always cry and cry and always tell him that i am very stressed about everything and he is trying his best...he's working very hard and i totally respect that...just today i sent him an email saying i am so happy for his success and mayb after he achieves everything my parents will start liking him BUT its not a guarantee again so how do i assure myself?...how would one feel losing some1 whom he worked so hard for/..?..everyone will curse me blame me whereas i always remind him of the reality and try to create as much as distances as possible...he knows the truth too but he always tells me to have sabar and leave everything on God..i have faith in God but its my inner soul that's so much in vain and stress....