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In the Name of God بسم الله

Arrangement in marriages

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UnknownShia

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question to the ladies and gents:

1-Now I heard that according to teachings of ahlul bait a woman cant leave the house without husbands permission , now the question to the men is would u expect this from ur wife and if she didnt follow it would u enforce it, and to the women do u expect to follow this ruling and if u didnt would u accept it?

2- I also heard that a wife doesnt have to really do squat at home, cooking cleaning etc, so women: would u pull out ur rights with ur husbands and tel him get lost i dont have to do that according to islamic law, and men would u b accepting of her rights or would u force her to do it anyways.

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question to the ladies and gents:

1-Now I heard that according to teachings of ahlul bait a woman cant leave the house without husbands permission , now the question to the men is would u expect this from ur wife and if she didnt follow it would u enforce it, and to the women do u expect to follow this ruling and if u didnt would u accept it?

2- I also heard that a wife doesnt have to really do squat at home, cooking cleaning etc, so women: would u pull out ur rights with ur husbands and tel him get lost i dont have to do that according to islamic law, and men would u b accepting of her rights or would u force her to do it anyways.

Hopefully I will never find myself approaching my marriage with this mentality. The words I bolded should not be part of the dynamic or vocabulary in the union of two adults who love and respect each other.

First question: We will have enough TRUST for this not to be an issue

Second question: We will have enough responsibility for this to not create any friction

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1-Now I heard that according to teachings of ahlul bait a woman cant leave the house without husbands permission , now the question to the men is would u expect this from ur wife and if she didnt follow it would u enforce it, and to the women do u expect to follow this ruling and if u didnt would u accept it?

No, I wouldn't require of her to ask my permission every time she left house for work, shopping, other errands. She would have my general permission to go out when need be for any reason. In a good relationship, I'd expect to know about her routines of going out and approve of it. I'd discuss and try to reach on to an agreement if, suppose, I didn't like her going out at a particular time to a particular place. This enforcing thing is out of the question. Not for me.

The mandatory requirement upon a wife to seek her husband's permission before leaving house was given for reasons of safety and security for women in a society which was generally hostile to them such that it was man-dominated, unequal and largely illiterate. Add that to the fact that girls were married off at a very early age so they were essentially inexperienced kids to be constantly protected and looked after.

2- I also heard that a wife doesnt have to really do squat at home, cooking cleaning etc, so women: would u pull out ur rights with ur husbands and tel him get lost i dont have to do that according to islamic law, and men would u b accepting of her rights or would u force her to do it anyways.

LOL

Which wife would exercise this 'Islamic right' and refuse to help run her [and her husband's] home, at the expense of a happy relationship. :unsure:

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Hopefully I will never find myself approaching my marriage with this mentality. The words I bolded should not be part of the dynamic or vocabulary in the union of two adults who love and respect each other.

First question: We will have enough TRUST for this not to be an issue

Second question: We will have enough responsibility for this to not create any friction

Yep, so long as the core of the relationship is strong, such specifics always take care of themselves, its never an issue.

If you feel your relationship is well grounded but your wife keeps persisting on rings/shoes, there is a serious conflict of interest that can easily be resolved by a romantic honeymoon in in ghetto Africa.

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1-Now I heard that according to teachings of ahlul bait a woman cant leave the house without husbands permission , now the question to the men is would u expect this from ur wife and if she didnt follow it would u enforce it, and to the women do u expect to follow this ruling and if u didnt would u accept it?

2- I also heard that a wife doesnt have to really do squat at home, cooking cleaning etc, so women: would u pull out ur rights with ur husbands and tel him get lost i dont have to do that according to islamic law, and men would u b accepting of her rights or would u force her to do it anyways.

(salam)

1. My husband allow me complete freedom to go anywhere I wish to go. Of course they was once I made an appointment with another girl without checking with my husband and he made another appointment without checking with me, on the same day and almost the same time ....and we ended up arguing over who should cancel their appointment. :wacko: You don't wanna know how this ended. :squeez:

2. My husband don't force me to do anything really. We usually work together to cook, clean, shopping and other household stuffs.

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Yep, so long as the core of the relationship is strong, such specifics always take care of themselves, its never an issue.

If you feel your relationship is well grounded but your wife keeps persisting on rings/shoes, there is a serious conflict of interest that can easily be resolved by a romantic honeymoon in in ghetto Africa.

You can find plenty more fun in ghetto Africa than on the Niagra Falls B)

Which wife would exercise this 'Islamic right' and refuse to help run her [and her husband's] home, at the expense of a happy relationship. :unsure:

Perhaps the wife who is married to a man who insists on using his 'Islamic right' to perform multiple mutahs, at the expense of a happy relationship ;)

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You can find plenty more fun in ghetto Africa than on the Niagra Falls B)

Perhaps the wife who is married to a man who insists on using his 'Islamic right' to perform multiple mutahs, at the expense of a happy relationship ;)

Random tidbit I learned on my trip to Niagra Falls this summer: Its the honeymoon capital of the world :huh:

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I would happily, uncomplainingly choose to fulfill the latter if he relinquished his insistence on the former. :angel:

Random tidbit I learned on my trip to Niagra Falls this summer: Its the honeymoon capital of the world :huh:

I traveled there this summer too! I don't know about honeymoon capital, though... the happiest honeymooners I saw were the relentless swarms of bugs. :Hijabi:

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Random tidbit I learned on my trip to Niagra Falls this summer: Its the honeymoon capital of the world :huh:

Maybe so. Its probably voted in by the plenty of visitors each season. However, if Mr. All and Mrs. Sundry wish to spend their honeymoon in the most obvious and popular spot, thats their choice. Me, I would prefer to be in a more private, less publicised destination....perhaps one which has got that "raw" unrefined feeling.

(salam)

2. My husband don't force me to do anything really. We usually work together to cook, clean, shopping and other household stuffs.

How sweet :) May your relationship always be this sharing and caring.....

Edited by Muskaan
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salam.gif

1. My husband allow me complete freedom to go anywhere I wish to go. Of course they was once I made an appointment with another girl without checking with my husband and he made another appointment without checking with me, on the same day and almost the same time ....and we ended up arguing over who should cancel their appointment. wacko.gif You don't wanna know how this ended. nuggeteer.gif

kinda curiouse as how that ended, cuz thats the exact case my question is set for, the once in a while situation like this.

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That's also why it is very important for both parties to inform each other about where and when they plan to go. Again not necessarily for permission purposes but more for ,say partnership purposes?..

it seems to me ive been gettin nothin but side stepping, let me rephrase:

men: ur wife says " u help me with the house work, or i wont do it" based on her rights. Would u help or not ? yes or no

n b honest, dont worry, ur chances of marrying anyone on this forum are extremly low wink.gif .

women: lets assume that one situation came up , and all options ahve been exhausted, u both have equal good reason, and all assumptions u can think off assume they are equal for both, and he says " u know wat we have been arguing for hours, im ur husband and im telling u to stay home and i go", do u accept his right to ask that or would u ignore it? yes or no

that should get a yes or no answer finally happy.gif

Edited by AlgerianShia
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women: lets assume that one situation came up , and all options ahve been exhausted, u both have equal good reason, and all assumptions u can think off assume they are equal for both, and he says " u know wat we have been arguing for hours, im ur husband and im telling u to stay home and i go", do u accept his right to ask that or would u ignore it? yes or no

Not unless he had a valid reason. If it was just about exercising his 'right' pfft no.

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it seems to me ive been gettin nothin but side stepping, let me rephrase:

men: ur wife says " u help me with the house work, or i wont do it" based on her rights. Would u help or not ? yes or no

n b honest, dont worry, wink.gif .

Babes, you see you can't answer this question with a mere 'yes' or 'no'. There is more to it than aye or nay. You have to go back to the reasons for what causing her to exercise this 'right'. That is not absolute. I mean it's not like your wife would tell you at the time of nikah that she wouldn't do any housework if or if not he didn't help. This is not how it works man. All 'ifs' and 'buts' have been pointed out to you clearly.

ur chances of marrying anyone on this forum are extremly low

Are you sure?

We had 3 SC marriages in the past. People met here and took it to the 'real' life. So don't assume :P

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kinda curiouse as how that ended, cuz thats the exact case my question is set for, the once in a while situation like this.

(salam)

We had a discussion, which turned into a heated argument. No side was willing to break their appointment because both of them were pretty serious. Eventually I think I gave away and picked up the phone to cancel mine. As I was dialing, he took the phone, put it back to the handset and said I can go to mine. Maybe my sad face has something to do with changing his mind.

Thinking back, I think I made a mistake. We both should have cancel our appointments and go on a date or something. It is stupid to be fighting with your spouse over something like this.

Edited by Zareen
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  • 3 weeks later...

question to the ladies and gents:

1-Now I heard that according to teachings of ahlul bait a woman cant leave the house without husbands permission , now the question to the men is would u expect this from ur wife and if she didnt follow it would u enforce it, and to the women do u expect to follow this ruling and if u didnt would u accept it?

2- I also heard that a wife doesnt have to really do squat at home, cooking cleaning etc, so women: would u pull out ur rights with ur husbands and tel him get lost i dont have to do that according to islamic law, and men would u b accepting of her rights or would u force her to do it anyways.

to #1, yes I would suck it up and follow the rules as long as my husband is not a crazy psychopath who never lets me go anywhere. he should let his wife go where she wants, as long as the man and wife are both trustworthy then whats the wrong in asking his permission... anyways a wise man usually has a better ration

to #2, i wouldnt tell him to get lost. there are definitely certain things which islam requires from us, even in the home. keeping it clean and tidy is a teaching of Ahlul Bayt. It needs to be done. and if i have time to do it, then i do it and make sure it gets done. i dont think a husband's priority should be cleaning when he has the stress of providing for his wife and family most.

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women: lets assume that one situation came up , and all options ahve been exhausted, u both have equal good reason, and all assumptions u can think off assume they are equal for both, and he says " u know wat we have been arguing for hours, im ur husband and im telling u to stay home and i go", do u accept his right to ask that or would u ignore it? yes or no

that should get a yes or no answer finally happy.gif

No, I wouldn't ignore it I would stay at home.

There you got your answer :)

I wouldn't like for that way of dealing with it to continue though.

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question to the ladies and gents:

1-Now I heard that according to teachings of ahlul bait a woman cant leave the house without husbands permission , now the question to the men is would u expect this from ur wife and if she didnt follow it would u enforce it, and to the women do u expect to follow this ruling and if u didnt would u accept it?

2- I also heard that a wife doesnt have to really do squat at home, cooking cleaning etc, so women: would u pull out ur rights with ur husbands and tel him get lost i dont have to do that according to islamic law, and men would u b accepting of her rights or would u force her to do it anyways.

Well see, this is the kind of mentality that makes the feminist movement so slow in its pace for progress, and almost non-existent in the Muslim world. People (many times, even women themselves) do not understand the amount of work women end up doing in the private sphere of life. Statistically, women even in the western world enjoy much less opportunity with regard to higher education which is extremely unfortunate. In comparison to men, the women who do receive education are still lacking, for the most part, in important fields such as engineering, finance, economics and politics. Absolutely none of the companies listed in Fortune's top 50 companies are lead by women. And even in the relatively rare circumstance where women ARE allowed to work in higher end fields, an even LESS amount of them are able to pursue their careers long term. Many of them have to give up their careers and education for the sake of having a family. Of course, I do not think there is anything wrong with this, but the credit that women receive for this sacrifice is not really acknowledged at all. Despite the fact that women are so contributive to society through their biological ability to reproduce, and their social expectation to look after the family; since this work is unpaid, and under-valued, its hard for people, and especially men to understand the need for premise #2 in your question. Some women, although they might not like to admit, face a lot of frustration and low self esteem in this regard - and so to answer your question, no it is not absurd for a woman to refuse to do household work, and it would be completely unfair for a man to deny a woman the right to be able to take a break and shed some of the work load. It is also unfair that due to social expectations, even if women want to, they are unable to pursue their interests in the public sphere of life. A responsible husband should recognize that and be willing to accommodate a woman's right to exploit her interests outside of the home.

Historically speaking, women have always had lower work wages than men, and for the most part, have not really protested this fact... simply because being paid (even though underpaid) makes them feel a lot more appreciated in contrast to the household where their efforts are unpaid and in turn not really appreciated.

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Salam.

Very good questions...

1-Now I heard that according to teachings of ahlul bait a woman cant leave the house without husbands permission , now the question to the men is would u expect this from ur wife and if she didnt follow it would u enforce it, and to the women do u expect to follow this ruling and if u didnt would u accept it?

I remember having read that not all Shia scholars are of the opnion that women need permission to leave the house. As far as I know, my own scholar says women don't need it, alhamdulellah. I say alhamdulellah because I would never ask my husband IF I can go out...I'd feel like I'm married to my dad, lol. Buuut...I'd always tell my husband when I'm going out and coming home, and I'd always make sure that me going out doesn't mess things up on the home front. Like, if my husband has a meeting at work and gets home late, then I'd obviously consider his schedual and be home in time to make sure he has a clean house, a hot meal and a wife to come home to. I'd also hear him out if he told me, "Honey, I'm not sure it's such a good idea for you to go to such and such place/see that and that person today. It's just that...*insert explanation here*".

I think that as long as men and women are sensible and consider one another, then all that stuff about asking for permission and giving permission is not necessary.

2- I also heard that a wife doesnt have to really do squat at home, cooking cleaning etc, so women: would u pull out ur rights with ur husbands and tel him get lost i dont have to do that according to islamic law, and men would u b accepting of her rights or would u force her to do it anyways.

Yes, it's correct, women are not obligated to do house work. I read that women aren't even obligated to breastfeed their own babies. However, I can't personally imagine what sort of woman wouldn't do anything around the house or feed her children. I would personally never tell my husband to pay a maid to clean and cook for us...

1) I think it's embarrassing to be lazy, and pay people to do things that you can easily do yourself

2) I'm a very, very, very, very, very clean person...to the extend where it's almost OCD, lol. I like my cleaning to be done in a certain way, and I know no one can clean my house with the same passion and thoroughness that I clean

3) I actually enjoy cleaning! I cannot describe the satisfaction I get from having alphabetized my DVDs, color coordinated my clothes and shoes, washed the floors, ceilings and walls, polished the windows, ironed the towels and bed sheets, and so on

4) Deep inside, I secretly consider housework a woman's job (even though I'm a feminist, lol. But hey, there are different ways to be a feminist tongue.gif). Plus, I think I kind of seek man's appreciation for what I do around the house...I'd want my husband to be happy, and show that he's happy, that he has a wife that allows him to relax at home. That's just me, I like this sort of attention blush.gif.

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Salam.

Very good questions...

I remember having read that not all Shia scholars are of the opnion that women need permission to leave the house. As far as I know, my own scholar says women don't need it, alhamdulellah. I say alhamdulellah because I would never ask my husband IF I can go out...I'd feel like I'm married to my dad, lol. Buuut...I'd always tell my husband when I'm going out and coming home, and I'd always make sure that me going out doesn't mess things up on the home front. Like, if my husband has a meeting at work and gets home late, then I'd obviously consider his schedual and be home in time to make sure he has a clean house, a hot meal and a wife to come home to. I'd also hear him out if he told me, "Honey, I'm not sure it's such a good idea for you to go to such and such place/see that and that person today. It's just that...*insert explanation here*".

I think that as long as men and women are sensible and consider one another, then all that stuff about asking for permission and giving permission is not necessary.

Yes, it's correct, women are not obligated to do house work. I read that women aren't even obligated to breastfeed their own babies. However, I can't personally imagine what sort of woman wouldn't do anything around the house or feed her children. I would personally never tell my husband to pay a maid to clean and cook for us...

1) I think it's embarrassing to be lazy, and pay people to do things that you can easily do yourself

2) I'm a very, very, very, very, very clean person...to the extend where it's almost OCD, lol. I like my cleaning to be done in a certain way, and I know no one can clean my house with the same passion and thoroughness that I clean

3) I actually enjoy cleaning! I cannot describe the satisfaction I get from having alphabetized my DVDs, color coordinated my clothes and shoes, washed the floors, ceilings and walls, polished the windows, ironed the towels and bed sheets, and so on

4) Deep inside, I secretly consider housework a woman's job (even though I'm a feminist, lol. But hey, there are different ways to be a feminist tongue.gif). Plus, I think I kind of seek man's appreciation for what I do around the house...I'd want my husband to be happy, and show that he's happy, that he has a wife that allows him to relax at home. That's just me, I like this sort of attention blush.gif.

God you are like my mother, cept she cooks better than you ever can. Being a clean freak is super annoying though, I feel as though the house is perfectly clean, yet my mom can magically spot dust particles even dustmites can't see. Nothings ever clean enough.

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