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In the Name of God بسم الله

Serial Monogamy

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Sister, I think you might have the wrong idea regarding mutah and zawajtul nikah (aka permenant marriage).

While it is true that so called 'permenant' marriage could be temporary (thru death or divorce) and mutah

could last many years or a lifetime, these two institutions serve different functions in society.

From what I know regarding hadith, zawaj tul nikah (permenant marriage) is the preferred form of marriage in Islamic society. The reason is because this type of marriage results in stable families which in turn build a stable society. The main goal of marriage is to build a stable society. On the individual level, it doesn't always work out that way and children who come from homes where parents are divorced, abusive, or they are abandoned by one or both parents will usually not have a positive view toward permenant marriage because, in their experience, this relationships was not a source of hapiness or stability for them. At the same time, this does not change the overall function of permanent marriage in society. Also, by following Islam (i.e. doing wajib and avoiding haram) they have chance to create a stable family for themselves despite their examples growing up.

Mutah serves a different function. It is meant to keep brothers and sisters who are in an unstable situation, financially or otherwise, from making their lives more unstable by going into haram. It is not meant to be a permanent solution because once a brother or sister is in a more stable position, they are encouraged to get permanently married and build a family with their spouse. Many brothers and sister do mutah then end up getting permanently married and this is perfectly fine and encouraged Islamically.

Serial monogomy is taking a type of marriage that is not meant to be permanent and making it permanent. It is like, when your tire gets damaged, instead of getting a proper tire, just driving around on a spare tire (spare tires are usually smaller and make the car a little unstable while driving) and then getting more spare tires when they wear out instead of getting a proper tire and having a stable car. It is better than driving with no tire but not an ideal situation.

The main problem in our communities, IMO, regarding marriage is twofold

1) Virginity worship. Most families regard maintaining the virginity of their daughter until THEIR ideal candidate for permenant marriage comes along as the most important thing, more important that their daughters Iman and taqwa. In fact, they are worshiping the misguided opinion of the community that view a women as a product with one price if sealed and one price if unsealed. This is creating all kind of problems in the ummah

2) Extreme stigma attached to a sister who does mutah. She is regarded as 'less than' and not an ideal candidate for permenant marriage. In fact, Islamically, if she did mutah to avoid haram she is regarded more highly by Allah(s.w.a) since she followed the religion and didn't engage in nifaq. Unfortunately, the massive amount of haram and fusuuq that is going on 'under the carpet' is regarded as 'o.k.' by the community because it does not affect their 'reputation' in the community (except when occasionally it 'leaks' out ). They have no problem sacrificing their children's Iman and forcing them toward haram to save their own false sense of 'honor' and 'reputation'.

These two realities are, in fact, pushing most brothers and sisters into the arms of Shaitan so that when they finally get into the position to get permenantly married, the damage has already been done and their chances for a happy and stable marriage are very much diminished. This is the main problem, IMO and it should be talked about by our ulema in every khutba. Unfortunately, it is seldom mentioned so most regard it as a small issue. Salam.

Edited by Abu Hadi
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Sister, I think you might have the wrong idea regarding mutah and zawajtul nikah (aka permenant marriage).

While it is true that so called 'permenant' marriage could be temporary (thru death or divorce) and mutah

could last many years or a lifetime, these two institutions serve different functions in society.

From what I know regarding hadith, zawaj tul nikah (permenant marriage) is the preferred form of marriage in Islamic society. The reason is because this type of marriage results in stable families which in turn build a stable society. The main goal of marriage is to build a stable society. On the individual level, it doesn't always work out that way and children who come from homes where parents are divorced, abusive, or they are abandoned by one or both parents will usually not have a positive view toward permenant marriage because, in their experience, this relationships was not a source of hapiness or stability for them. At the same time, this does not change the overall function of permanent marriage in society. Also, by following Islam (i.e. doing wajib and avoiding haram) they have chance to create a stable family for themselves despite their examples growing up.

Mutah serves a different function. It is meant to keep brothers and sisters who are in an unstable situation, financially or otherwise, from making their lives more unstable by going into haram. It is not meant to be a permanent solution because once a brother or sister is in a more stable position, they are encouraged to get permanently married and build a family with their spouse. Many brothers and sister do mutah then end up getting permanently married and this is perfectly fine and encouraged Islamically.

Serial monogomy is taking a type of marriage that is not meant to be permanent and making it permanent. It is like, when your tire gets damaged, instead of getting a proper tire, just driving around on a spare tire (spare tires are usually smaller and make the car a little unstable while driving) and then getting more spare tires when they wear out instead of getting a proper tire and having a stable car. It is better than driving with no tire but not an ideal situation.

Permanent marriage is absolutely ideal, but not always possible or desired by the individual for many reasons. Temporary marriage is preferable to a series of illicit affairs (which are more common than ever) – which is its purpose. Is there anything in Islam that says you can’t have a series of temporary marriages? From the posts I read on the many mutah threads, there are no limits – one well-read poster said you could have a thousand if you could fit them in. Also, there is no defined time limit on temporary marriage – so it could be ongoing for many years if it was working well. And that is the appeal.

There are women who are really reluctant to marry for many reasons, and now with better education and therefore better financial options, they can choose not to enter into a permanent contract. A temporary marriage would be better than no marriage and would give her options that she does not have in permanent marriage. She could be better prepared financially and emotionally to move on from a man that no longer cares for her as he should care for her, she would not be seen as the evil harlot that broke up the family as the agreed upon time period had come to an end, the chances for an amenable relationship with her ex-husband would be greater – relationship with his children would be better, etc, and, most of all, she has the ability to enter into another, hopefully happier, marriage – just like he always has the ongoing option to do.

As for creating an impression of family stability by a woman remaining in a loveless marriage, I doubt whether a man who is unhappy or who has other wives would be around much anyway. If he is marrying again to find happiness, and finds it with another (or more), the chances that he would be seeing her children would be less if there is a disharmonious relationship with his her. Avoidance would be the path of least resistance for him – and from what I have heard, usually is. There are too many children that grow up with little to no contact with their father, although they were born within the bounds of permanent marriage.

If a man enters into marriage and has extreme difficulties/issues with his wife that cannot be resolved, he can choose to have up to four permanent wives or any number of temporary wives – which in some cases go on for years – and his needs for physical and emotional intimacy are met.

If a woman enters into marriage and has difficulties/issues with her husband that cannot be resolved, she has no options other than divorce – if he agrees – or she gives up her money to leave. In a marriage where the husband has moved on to others (despite the prescribed equity between wives), her needs for physical and emotional intimacy are, almost always, not met – she is stuck for life. So, she stays and suffers till death. Her unhappiness resonates throughout the entire extended family.

If temporary marriage is going to be seen as a viable alternative to haram behaviour, and to be fully accepted in our society, it has to be embraced in ways that are practical and meaningful. It is now, too often, perceived as a lawful way for impulsive sexual behaviour by men with non-muslims, which is seen as reckless and immature by society and is not embraced.

Unless multiple mutah something that is clearly prohibited in Islam, I don’t see the reluctance in the theory of this idea. I understand the societal (and individual) reluctance in the practice of temporary relationships for women, as it is not our cultural norm. However, as often mentioned, temporary relationships go on anyway but without the protection of Islamic guidelines; they are secretive forcing one to lie and build lies to protect the original lies, and due to the underground nature of these relationships, potentially unsafe – especially for women. Out in the open and lawful is very much preferable.

I am not advocating or not advocating for this. Just think that we need to stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (my quote on the other thread from Einstein!) in regards to the practice of mutah. Times change but Islam remains steady. I think the reluctance to at least academically accept this as a viable option is cultural, not Islamic. This feels very uncomfortable as women do not, traditionally, have a lot of options in life – especially when it comes to marriage.

The main problem in our communities, IMO, regarding marriage is twofold

1) Virginity worship. Most families regard maintaining the virginity of their daughter until THEIR ideal candidate for permenant marriage comes along as the most important thing, more important that their daughters Iman and taqwa. In fact, they are worshiping the misguided opinion of the community that view a women as a product with one price if sealed and one price if unsealed. This is creating all kind of problems in the ummah

2) Extreme stigma attached to a sister who does mutah. She is regarded as 'less than' and not an ideal candidate for permenant marriage. In fact, Islamically, if she did mutah to avoid haram she is regarded more highly by Allah(s.w.a) since she followed the religion and didn't engage in nifaq. Unfortunately, the massive amount of haram and fusuuq that is going on 'under the carpet' is regarded as 'o.k.' by the community because it does not affect their 'reputation' in the community (except when occasionally it 'leaks' out ). They have no problem sacrificing their children's Iman and forcing them toward haram to save their own false sense of 'honor' and 'reputation'.

These two realities are, in fact, pushing most brothers and sisters into the arms of Shaitan so that when they finally get into the position to get permenantly married, the damage has already been done and their chances for a happy and stable marriage are very much diminished. This is the main problem, IMO and it should be talked about by our ulema in every khutba. Unfortunately, it is seldom mentioned so most regard it as a small issue. Salam.

Agreed

Interesting read Maryaam---

Yes, and No---

I can do it and I won't do it----not because of cultural and social taboo, but out of my own personal choice I won't do . Though I admit I have the ability of breaking it off, standing up , walking away and never looking back.....For some stupid reason I have perfect control over my own emotional attachments, I bind and sever at my own will---so I should think that I would be not be having any problem with it............But on the other hand I was raised into tradition of Celibacy and my heart feels more aligned to it, so that sort of renders many such issues non issues for me----

I understand as I have friends who were raised in this tradition. Perhaps it is something to think about for others though. :)

Edited by Maryaam
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I understand as I have friends who were raised in this tradition. Perhaps it is something to think about for others though. :)

Absolutely; and I believe women should have the liberty and bravery to adopt a course, which suits their requirement, and yes , for many serial monogamy is suitable.

I wish I could have idealized permanent marriage as well; I do not want to derail your threat but as you are a sister so I hope you won't mind but if --let's suppose--- I decide to experiment with matrimony then my first choice would be temperorary marriage; ---man, I know it sounds strange, but yes---

Edited by ילדת מלך
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Absolutely; and I believe women should have the liberty and bravery to adopt a course, which suits their requirement, and yes , for many serial monogamy is suitable.

I wish I could have idealized permanent marriage as well; I do not want to derail your threat but as you are a sister so I hope you won't mind but if --let's suppose--- I decide to experiment with matrimony then my first choice would be temperorary marriage; ---man, I know it sounds strange, but yes---

Not strange at all. I think women are, understandably, increasingly hesitant, and this would be a good way to go.

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Not strange at all. I think women are, understandably, increasingly hesitant, and this would be a good way to go.

I wish I can romanticize marriage, Maryaam, honestly I sometimes do wish that like other girls I can romanticize it, but I can't---I see it stipped down to it's real form and shape---like the monster of *It * ---

I see what divine orders and revealed words have made it to be--not a union of two people but aqusition of one( the lesser creature ) by an other-( the supposedly better creature ) ,a bondage, - trade off of sex/ food---I do not wish to see it like that, but it appears like this and then give the added aspect of Mehar, which actually, realistically and factually change it into ---what --?--we all know what--

So, let's suppose, I am debating with myself here, girl what would do you want to be called -----a "bought woman" or a "rented woman" ?---so maybe rented seems better--as between rental phases there would be a time when I won't be a commodity but a semi-human being--------

In the end in celibacy I find the peace of my heart---no stigma to my soul,---

Edited by ילדת מלך
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I wish I can romanticize marriage, Maryaam, honestly I sometimes do wish that like other girls I can romanticize it, but I can't---I see it stipped down to it's real form and shape---like the monster of *It * ---

I see what divine orders and revealed words have made it to be--not a union of two people but aqusition of one( the lesser creature ) by an other-( the supposedly better creature ) ,a bondage, - trade off of sex/ food---I do not wish to see it like that, but it appears like this and then give the added aspect of Mehar, which actually, realistically and factually change it into ---what --?--we all know what--

So, let's suppose, I am debating with myself here, girl what would do you want to be called -----a "bought woman" or a "rented woman" ?---so maybe rented seems better--as between rental phases there would be a time when I won't be a commodity but a semi-human being--------

In the end in celibacy I find the peace of my heart---no stigma to my soul,---

You continuously focus on what you see as the 'negative' aspects of a marriage contract, and ignore everything else. There is no basis for claiming that men are the 'better' creature and women are the 'lesser' one. Men and women simply have different roles, and as part of those different roles men have authority over women. It doesn't necessarily make them 'better' though.

O mankind! We have created you from a male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honorable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has piety. [49:13]

The way you look at marriage is bit like looking at a human being and only seeing the skeleton. Yes, the 'bare bones' of a marriage contract is roughly as you describe it, but there are many other things that flesh it out. Also, not all marriages are the same. Some people are only interested in this sex/maintenance trade-off, while others are looking for other things, like spiritual growth. The model for such a marriage would be the one between Imam `Ali (as) and Sayyida Fatima (as).

Anyway, this is one of the things that the Qur'an says about marriage, which clearly doesn't fit into your rather pessimisitic view of it:

And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect. [30:21]

Have you reflected on this?

Edited by Haydar Husayn
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I w wish I can romanticize marriage, Maryaam, honestly I sometimes do wish that like other girls I can romanticize it, but I can't---I see it stipped down to it's real form and shape---like the monster of *It * ---

I see what divine orders and revealed words have made it to be--not a union of two people but aqusition of one( the lesser creature ) by an other-( the supposedly better creature ) ,a bondage, - trade off of sex/ food---I do not wish to see it like that, but it appears like this and then give the added aspect of Mehar, which actually, realistically and factually change it into ---what --?--we all know what--

So, let's suppose, I am debating with myself here, girl what would do you want to be called -----a "bought woman" or a "rented woman" ?---so maybe rented seems better--as between rental phases there would be a time when I won't be a commodity but a semi-human being--------

In the end in celibacy I find the peace of my heart---no stigma to my soul,---

I undersand what you are saying and have heard the same from others - so you are not alone. Dont know if men understand this thinking or accept that it is even thought. It would be helpful if they tried though.

Also, I dont know how romantic marriage is - that is for the movies! It is basically a business arrangement and if love and companionship develops that is great, and if it continues, that is a super bonus!

Temporary marriage gives the women more rights as she is freed from the obligations of permanent marriage and has the right to leave. It might be something that would work for you and your specifc needs if the right conditions are put in place.

From al-Islam.org..

1. After the contract of permanent marriage woman cannot divorce her husband if she finds that her man is not so great! Thus in the case that man likes his wife, but his wife does not like him very much, the divorce will not happen. In other words, the proposal of using the first few months of permanent marriage as familiarization) is only good for men!!! In contrary, temporary marriage will end after its period, and BOTH man and woman can decide again (to convert it to a permanent one or not).

However, under some circumstances, a Muslim scholar/Judge can divorce her, but this would be a risky way for woman since the Judge's decision might be different than her wishes and certainly a period of familiarization does not worth for all these headaches.

2. In permanent marriage contract, one can not make the condition that marriage is to be unconsummated. In other words, sex is an indispensable part of permanent marriage. Then how can a woman enter into permanent marriage contract for familiarization only? On the other hand, such necessities do not exist in temporary marriage.

3. If a man divorces his wife after a couple of months of being with her and after removing her virginity, then it will be a very bitter experience for that Muslim woman. If a man does this shameful act, nobody can punish him because he has just used his divorce right. But this action is morally detestable. This in fact shows that permanent marriage is not a good choice for familiarization period. Remember that your proposal should be practical, and not imaginary based on the ideal case where the unfamiliar couple have full trust to each other before the marriage.

Temporary marriage is risk free. First of all, both man and woman are aware that they will separate after the specified period and so there will be no surprises. None of them has any moral obligation to extend the marriage beyond that period nor do s/he has any such expectation from the other side. Also, as mentioned, they can set a condition that marriage is not to be consummated.

http://www.al-islam....hapter6a/8.html

Edited by Maryaam
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^

Isnt the engagement here for the familiarization? For example in Iran, Afghanistan, Most Khojas and some other cultures, they have the engagement and that is for the familiarization period before the actual permenant marriage.

Edited by fahimah18
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I won't name the sister, but she has every right to not want to get married. She can mould her own spirituality

However, to those who think marrige is a contract of food and sex, welcome to the 21st century, where women are beggining to work, and they are slowly taking over.

My own family, my mother for a good time was the bread winner. This is not unique to me.

Love is VITAL in a marrige.

I don't know about you, but i would need to love a girl before i commited my life to her.

You are all allowed your views, but society, roles, culture, technology, everything has changed.

PS, why does no-one mention Khadija ? She hired the Prophet pbuh and initiated a proposal to him. The prophet pbuh worked for her.

She is the model of a woman you need to all aspire to.

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^

Isnt the engagement here for the familiarization? For example in Iran, Afghanistan, Most Khojas and some other cultures, they have the engagement and that is for the familiarization period before the actual permenant marriage.

How does the engagement work exactly?

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^

Isnt the engagement here for the familiarization? For example in Iran, Afghanistan, Most Khojas and some other cultures, they have the engagement and that is for the familiarization period before the actual permenant marriage.

Yes, this is one use of it. It can be extended though and when/if it ends, another one can be contracted after iddah.

Edited by Maryaam
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How does the engagement work exactly?

Well my friend just recently got engaged and I didnt know till then, that mutah is considered as 'engagement'. Obviously without the sexual intercourse. So yeah engagement is basically mutah, and the time (contrat period) is decided by the couple. And after the contract finishes, they get married

Edited by fahimah18
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Well my friend just recently got engaged and I didnt know till then, that mutah is considered as 'engagement'. Obviously without the sexual intercourse. So yeah engagement is basically mutah.

Oh, ok. I only asked because there are some people that think doing the nikah is an 'engagement', or others that think it's ok to have a period of time with no marriage contract in order for the two to get to know each other.

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Oh, ok. I only asked because there are some people that think doing the nikah is an 'engagement', or others that think it's ok to have a period of time with no marriage contract in order for the two to get to know each other.

In our culture is as such that, the couple before they get married they have to get engaged. Basically have to have mutah done. In Farsi its called Sigehe mahramiat. I didnt know what it meant till recent :donno:

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Permanent marriage is absolutely ideal, but not always possible or desired by the individual for many reasons. Temporary marriage is preferable to a series of illicit affairs (which are more common than ever) – which is its purpose. Is there anything in Islam that says you can’t have a series of temporary marriages? From the posts I read on the many mutah threads, there are no limits – one well-read poster said you could have a thousand if you could fit them in. Also, there is no defined time limit on temporary marriage – so it could be ongoing for many years if it was working well. And that is the appeal.

There are women who are really reluctant to marry for many reasons, and now with better education and therefore better financial options, they can choose not to enter into a permanent contract. A temporary marriage would be better than no marriage and would give her options that she does not have in permanent marriage. She could be better prepared financially and emotionally to move on from a man that no longer cares for her as he should care for her, she would not be seen as the evil harlot that broke up the family as the agreed upon time period had come to an end, the chances for an amenable relationship with her ex-husband would be greater – relationship with his children would be better, etc, and, most of all, she has the ability to enter into another, hopefully happier, marriage – just like he always has the ongoing option to do.

As for creating an impression of family stability by a woman remaining in a loveless marriage, I doubt whether a man who is unhappy or who has other wives would be around much anyway. If he is marrying again to find happiness, and finds it with another (or more), the chances that he would be seeing her children would be less if there is a disharmonious relationship with his her. Avoidance would be the path of least resistance for him – and from what I have heard, usually is. There are too many children that grow up with little to no contact with their father, although they were born within the bounds of permanent marriage.

If a man enters into marriage and has extreme difficulties/issues with his wife that cannot be resolved, he can choose to have up to four permanent wives or any number of temporary wives – which in some cases go on for years – and his needs for physical and emotional intimacy are met.

If a woman enters into marriage and has difficulties/issues with her husband that cannot be resolved, she has no options other than divorce – if he agrees – or she gives up her money to leave. In a marriage where the husband has moved on to others (despite the prescribed equity between wives), her needs for physical and emotional intimacy are, almost always, not met – she is stuck for life. So, she stays and suffers till death. Her unhappiness resonates throughout the entire extended family.

If temporary marriage is going to be seen as a viable alternative to haram behaviour, and to be fully accepted in our society, it has to be embraced in ways that are practical and meaningful. It is now, too often, perceived as a lawful way for impulsive sexual behaviour by men with non-muslims, which is seen as reckless and immature by society and is not embraced.

Unless multiple mutah something that is clearly prohibited in Islam, I don’t see the reluctance in the theory of this idea. I understand the societal (and individual) reluctance in the practice of temporary relationships for women, as it is not our cultural norm. However, as often mentioned, temporary relationships go on anyway but without the protection of Islamic guidelines; they are secretive forcing one to lie and build lies to protect the original lies, and due to the underground nature of these relationships, potentially unsafe – especially for women. Out in the open and lawful is very much preferable.

I am not advocating or not advocating for this. Just think that we need to stop doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (my quote on the other thread from Einstein!) in regards to the practice of mutah. Times change but Islam remains steady. I think the reluctance to at least academically accept this as a viable option is cultural, not Islamic. This feels very uncomfortable as women do not, traditionally, have a lot of options in life – especially when it comes to marriage.

Agreed

I understand as I have friends who were raised in this tradition. Perhaps it is something to think about for others though. :)

Hm interesting thoughts. You see, mutah and greater rights are a great idea when it comes to giving men more flexibility and options. For women... It wouldn't go down as well with the authorities.

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The main problem in our communities, IMO, regarding marriage is twofold

1) Virginity worship. Most families regard maintaining the virginity of their daughter until THEIR ideal candidate for permenant marriage comes along as the most important thing, more important that their daughters Iman and taqwa. In fact, they are worshiping the misguided opinion of the community that view a women as a product with one price if sealed and one price if unsealed. This is creating all kind of problems in the ummah

2) Extreme stigma attached to a sister who does mutah. She is regarded as 'less than' and not an ideal candidate for permenant marriage. In fact, Islamically, if she did mutah to avoid haram she is regarded more highly by Allah(s.w.a) since she followed the religion and didn't engage in nifaq. Unfortunately, the massive amount of haram and fusuuq that is going on 'under the carpet' is regarded as 'o.k.' by the community because it does not affect their 'reputation' in the community (except when occasionally it 'leaks' out ). They have no problem sacrificing their children's Iman and forcing them toward haram to save their own false sense of 'honor' and 'reputation'.

These two realities are, in fact, pushing most brothers and sisters into the arms of Shaitan so that when they finally get into the position to get permenantly married, the damage has already been done and their chances for a happy and stable marriage are very much diminished. This is the main problem, IMO and it should be talked about by our ulema in every khutba. Unfortunately, it is seldom mentioned so most regard it as a small issue. Salam.

Its posts like this which make me wonder if anybody on this forum actually have children. Do you have any daughters brother?

Islam is about perfecting humanity. The reason a girls virginity (and a boys for that matter) is considered so precious is because it aligns to that ideal of perfection. Nobody would question that the perfect marriage would be between to virgins who remain happily married until the day they die and raise a happy and healthy family to pass Islam in to the future. This belief is powerfully embedded in our psyche, not just through religion or culture but from the beautiful logic it is based in. That is why our society will never change in the way you have mentioned.

It is very easy to speak theoretically about such issues but it is another thing entirely when it comes to practice. Even if it was all in a Halal manner, you yourself would have great difficulty allowing your daughter to sleep around, and you yourself would have great difficulty marrying a woman who has slept with dozens of men in the past.

I do reluctantly agree though that this seeking of perfection can cause problems in our Ummah, as this world is by its nature very imperfect. However your notion of moving away from this belief would cause far more and far greater problems in the Ummah.

Between the opposing options of valuing virginity and not valuing virginity, the former develops strength and character and leads to individual morality and a stable community, whereas the latter submits to weakness and impatience and creates a society which shows no commitment to adult relationships and destroys family principles to the detriment of future generations.

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I will be honest. Many of us brothers would absolutely love if women started practising this, since it gives us a free easy pass to sleep with many women and not commit to anything and get different women every month. I am not gonna lie, I would find it incredible difficult to ever turn down a sister if she was like "hey fancy a week long mutah marriage, we can just have sex for a week and then we dont ever need to talk ever again".

 

But this is just to satisfy my short term desires. Whilst it would no doubt be enjoyable for many men in the short term, and given the number of threads from men on mutah here, it clearly is something guys dream about, I am dubious that in the long term it would be healthy for the individual or society. I also dont think you would ever get a large scale change of values from women. Whilst men love to sleep around, they hate the idea of their women doing it. I think brothers would kick up a fuss over the idea. And the nature of women seems to be different. I have seen women looking for mutah online here very rarely. Compare the number of women actively looking for short term partners compared to men. I guess western society proves that you do get female nyphomaniacs etc too and certainly we have some strange practises here like swinging, dogging etc that women participate in, so I guess you could argue its cultural rather than related to the genetics of women, but I find it unlikely shia women en masse will have a seismic shift in cultural vlaues, even if what you are proposing is completely within the realms of acceptability from a textual perspective.

 

I only read the opening post, this is a fascinating topic so when I get time I am going to read through all 3 pages of posts but my prediction is that most women opposed the idea being explored here. Very interesting topic here.

 

p.s. sisters please dont hate me for saying i like the idea of short term non committed relationships, I know its not good, I am just being completely honest about my inner workings as a male for the benefit of the research, my intention is not to offend anyone. And brothers also please do not be offended at how I am portraying us men, I know its not nice to tar men as wanting lots of women rather than one long term relationship but I really do believe if we are all honest with ourselves, we are all or most in the same boat on this. Even the most pious man can not say they have never thought of the idea of different women in their life. I know even the married brothers dream of taking second wives, even if they will never do it. I do think we are genetically predisposed to being like this and I am doubtful there are many brothers who never thought of any woman his whole life and then got married to one woman and then never thought of anyone else for the rest of his life on earth. They probabily exist but are rare IMO. I am only talking about my emotional inclinations here, i.e. the things that come naturaly to me that I cannot help, but I am naturally inclined to sleep with lots of women but dread the idea of committed relationships as that means you cant ever see another woman.

 

I guess I should add I am a british revert and so I have been brought up in a culture that breeds this way of thinking too so I don't know how people from other upbringings think. But even a lot of practising muslims I have met in the UK who are married would like a second wife one day, even if they know it wont happen

Edited by truth.seeker.uk.1987
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