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In the Name of God بسم الله

hugs n kisses

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pogman

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right so heres the thing, not always been a practicing muslim, now i am, iv kind of gone from one extream to another, i systematically cut out every dodgey and female quaintence, leaving very few people around me, well such is life, however i live in halls, i study, so in this situation you kind of collect aquaintences, my method? jus keep my head low, smile politly, hold open doors in silence etc.

somehow iv aquaired a group of female aquaintences in my building, no idea how but i have, they know i practice, even went so far as disscusing everything under the sun in regard to the religion.

standing in my kitchen one, from a muslim country decides to warp herself around me in a sort of parting hug, not recpiricated,just plain awkward, turns out tthis is pretty infectious, cuz next her mate tries to go in for the kill, but i was up on the window sill by that time so i jus avoided it, how do i bring this up, i cant always be indisposed for a hug or kiss, never alone, to discuss one on one, and in a group thats not so tightly knit may jus be plain embarrassing for parties involved. but more interestingly i wanna do this with tact, as although opinions on this may be varied i would like to preserve this for the simple reason is that they do halal things got restraunts etc. only people i know who do this, and well id prefer to have a social life, yeah i know its not ideal, but its not an ideal world, also opinions on that please

also before you guys shoot me ,new to this site so well no idea if this topic has already been discussed to death, also if i wanted to search to check i couldnt as the site is under construction and cant use the search function. so yeah thats my situation

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right so heres the thing, not always been a practicing muslim, now i am, iv kind of gone from one extream to another, i systematically cut out every dodgey and female quaintence, leaving very few people around me, well such is life, however i live in halls, i study, so in this situation you kind of collect aquaintences, my method? jus keep my head low, smile politly, hold open doors in silence etc.

somehow iv aquaired a group of female aquaintences in my building, no idea how but i have, they know i practice, even went so far as disscusing everything under the sun in regard to the religion.

standing in my kitchen one, from a muslim country decides to warp herself around me in a sort of parting hug, not recpiricated,just plain awkward, turns out tthis is pretty infectious, cuz next her mate tries to go in for the kill, but i was up on the window sill by that time so i jus avoided it, how do i bring this up, i cant always be indisposed for a hug or kiss, never alone, to discuss one on one, and in a group thats not so tightly knit may jus be plain embarrassing for parties involved. but more interestingly i wanna do this with tact, as although opinions on this may be varied i would like to preserve this for the simple reason is that they do halal things got restraunts etc. only people i know who do this, and well id prefer to have a social life, yeah i know its not ideal, but its not an ideal world, also opinions on that please

also before you guys shoot me ,new to this site so well no idea if this topic has already been discussed to death, also if i wanted to search to check i couldnt as the site is under construction and cant use the search function. so yeah thats my situation

Salam, welcome to Shia chat

personally i think u should drop it in a way such as talking about how u used to be and now the changes which are in u.. a sort of read in between the lines... ur at uni right living in halls u don exactly wanna keep bad relations with people around u so telling them straight up about mehram and namehram i don think wud b right.. cud make this weird for u... so like start a convo about people and how uv changed and then drop it in ease... girls like even the way u jus start hugging me its feels a bit odd to me this is so that they see ur situation and how u feel and that its not that they jus think ur some weirdo.. hope it helps... oh and if u don mind what uni do u go to?? isit ur 1st year?? good luck.. i think having a social life is important u dont wanna be buried in ur work all day.. need some time to relax halal resturants r fine.. bowling and cinema i mean there is loads of things u can do... oh and also if its not possible to explain to all of them like that coz all the people around u then i think u shud jus go up2 the main few and b like listen i need to talk 2 u...

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If I were in your position, I would just take a deep breath and politely decline whenever the gesture is offered.

I have been in similar situations where non-Muslim males have pulled out their hand towards me for a hand-shake, and all I did was place my hand on my heart. In a way, I was returning the gesture, but maintaining Islamic standards of Hijab. They instantly got the picture, and it wasn't really as awkward as I had always pictured it to be.

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^Perhaps because it's not as awkward as it may seem. You can always tell someone the truth when it matters if you're both in the right state of mind. Unfortunately, many of us are constantly ill at ease when it comes to religion and culture, and even their personal lives, but you can't blame everyone.

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Assalam alaykum.

How to avoid hugging and kissing? Be blunt but polite.

"Oh sorry, my religion doesn't allow me to hug members of the opposite sex, who i'm not related or married to. I hope you don't mind. How about a handshake instead?............have a nice day, bye!"

As long as you remain polite, it'll be fine. If the occasional female takes offence, so what? Better to be following your deen and removing temptation than to please a non-mahram female for a few seconds by hugging her.

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Salaam ,

m new to this site , and st8 away found a significant topic , yup i had this question in my mind when i turned 14(by the way now m 27 )

there was a custom of shaking hands in family amongst cozns ,yes it was difficult to decide that how to refuse 6 or 7 year elder female cozn who loves u like if u were her real brother (still a non-mehram),

what i startd doing was , when ever i smelled a situation where a Salaam/helo gesture was required i put my both hands in the pockets of my trouser deep ,right at the start of the gesture and used to say Salaam from a distance of about 5 feet , well as a replacement i used to give a big smile with very enthusiastic gestures .This helped the cause of not making the other person feel emarassed .

Now with the course of time every one knows that i dont shake hands with non-mehram females , i shared the same with other male cozns now genereally its no more a requirement amongnst the family to shake hands with opposite gender ,

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right so heres the thing, not always been a practicing muslim, now i am, iv kind of gone from one extream to another, i systematically cut out every dodgey and female quaintence, leaving very few people around me, well such is life, however i live in halls, i study, so in this situation you kind of collect aquaintences, my method? jus keep my head low, smile politly, hold open doors in silence etc.

somehow iv aquaired a group of female aquaintences in my building, no idea how but i have, they know i practice, even went so far as disscusing everything under the sun in regard to the religion.

standing in my kitchen one, from a muslim country decides to warp herself around me in a sort of parting hug, not recpiricated,just plain awkward, turns out tthis is pretty infectious, cuz next her mate tries to go in for the kill, but i was up on the window sill by that time so i jus avoided it, how do i bring this up, i cant always be indisposed for a hug or kiss, never alone, to discuss one on one, and in a group thats not so tightly knit may jus be plain embarrassing for parties involved. but more interestingly i wanna do this with tact, as although opinions on this may be varied i would like to preserve this for the simple reason is that they do halal things got restraunts etc. only people i know who do this, and well id prefer to have a social life, yeah i know its not ideal, but its not an ideal world, also opinions on that please

also before you guys shoot me ,new to this site so well no idea if this topic has already been discussed to death, also if i wanted to search to check i couldnt as the site is under construction and cant use the search function. so yeah thats my situation

(salam)

Bruv , you must get them to contact me :P

Peace

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Sharing an excerpt from 'A Momin's Survival Guide in the Western World'...

Rule #435: If a person of the opposite gender walks towards you with the intention of a handshake, or worse a hug, dig deep into your acting skills and let out a loud natural sounding sneeze into your hands. Then embarrassingly look at the person and smile and say "Oh my allergies! I'd rather not spread my germs!"

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Sharing an excerpt from 'A Momin's Survival Guide in the Western World'...

Rule #435: If a person of the opposite gender walks towards you with the intention of a handshake, or worse a hug, dig deep into your acting skills and let out a loud natural sounding sneeze into your hands. Then embarrassingly look at the person and smile and say "Oh my allergies! I'd rather not spread my germs!"

:!!!: Seems like a good idea...but I will end up laughing...bad at acting..lol

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Sharing an excerpt from 'A Momin's Survival Guide in the Western World'...

Rule #435: If a person of the opposite gender walks towards you with the intention of a handshake, or worse a hug, dig deep into your acting skills and let out a loud natural sounding sneeze into your hands. Then embarrassingly look at the person and smile and say "Oh my allergies! I'd rather not spread my germs!"

Quite the comedian....

I would rather follow something real though:

http://www.islam-laws.com/books/codeofpracticeforwest/index.htm

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Quite the comedian....

مانگ کر تحفہ نایاب لیاے ہے جسنے

رویگا وہ دل بیتاب لیاے ہے جسنے

خوامخواہ بس وہی ہسنے سے کرے گا پرحیز

قبص ہے جسکو یا جلاب لیا ہے جسنے

(someone with better Urdu can translate)

Edited by thepeacemaker
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Sharing an excerpt from 'A Momin's Survival Guide in the Western World'...

Rule #435: If a person of the opposite gender walks towards you with the intention of a handshake, or worse a hug, dig deep into your acting skills and let out a loud natural sounding sneeze into your hands. Then embarrassingly look at the person and smile and say "Oh my allergies! I'd rather not spread my germs!"

haha that's hilarious. I've never heard of this guide. Do you have an online link?

Salam.

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