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bladeknight

How to make your wife happy?

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Watch these, they will give you a fair idea regarding your question:

Marriage, Divorce & Family Values - Sheikh Usama Abdul Ghani

Marriage, Divorce & Family Values Q&A - Sheikh Usama Abdul Ghani

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Any marriage advice on how muslim men from the shia school of thought make their wives happy. Do you be romantic, or something? Are there any ahadith in which the prophet gave advice on a good marriage?

Yay!!! Not a loaded question :)

From my knowledge, I think that Shia men are quite pragmatic. Marriage is more a logical focus on fullfillment of rights and duties.

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Yay!!! Not a loaded question :)

LOOL - Let us Shia men come on and you will get loaded answers. :P

Just messin'

In the twisted Shia Islam that SOME members on this forum follow, the wife's feelings don't matter, so as long as you give her a minimal amount of financial support, you can go gallivanting around with multiple mutah/permanent marriages.

Maybe they are being true to their religion?

Edited by Marbles

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What didn’t you get? Men should just be men in relationships because women dig that. Don’t you dig that? No need to become a sissy boy just because your woman is trying to establish control. Not saying that is the case here but then again it probably is. But as far as her happiness is concerned, lack of roses, beauty compliments and romantic dinners at expensive hotels are probably least likely to be the cause of her unhappiness. Be a man, put her in her place and she will dig u like a gold digger digs out your grave. Yeah sure I am not being 100% relevant to this topic, but the point I am trying to emphasize is more important and its good for your health, please kindly implement.

Some useful tips for ultra romantic and emotional men who feel they aren’t being romantic enough

- Stop being ultra romantic and emotional

- Limit yourself to calling her baby from 30 times a day to 3 times a year

- Always remember to scream what’s for dinner upon your entry back home

- Be extremely critical of her cooking skills and compliment her cooking once every month

- To be politically correct, I am not against women driving around. But for the sake of your heart, its fluctuating heart beat and agony that your children might potentially suffer from, please avoid the letting her drive while you are in the car.

- Tell your woman to plant roses in your garden increasing the likelyhood of you brining them home to her once a year.

- Give her a separate bank account with limited spending. She will thank you for this since it will prevent a whole generation from going bankrupt.

- Compliment her obedience

- Compliment her soft tone in extremely frustrating circumstances

- Make her miss you by spending more time with your homeboys

- Its best to avoid watching shows with her since they will always be of her interest, and you cant pretend you are watching with interest since she will quiz you to the ground. Even if you were interested in the damn show you couldn’t ever possibly pay attention to as much detail as they do, you would still fail the quiz miserably. No woman likes a failure, that’s not manly... Be a man and get HD in the basement.

- Alright i should get back to finance

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Sounds pretty good - now who said only children were hard to get along with :wub:

- Stop being ultra romantic and emotional -> dont bother with this altogether –> women know that it is fake

- Limit yourself to calling her baby from 30 times a day to 3 times a year -> dont waste your voice - cut out the baby altogether

- Always remember to scream what’s for dinner upon your entry back home -> scream all u want – she will be at yoga class

- Be extremely critical of her cooking skills and compliment her cooking once every month –> do not compliment – so that she is discouraged and gives up and you have to take over

- To be politically correct, I am not against women driving around. But for the sake of your heart, its fluctuating heart beat and agony that your children might potentially suffer from, please avoid the letting her drive while you are in the car.-> agreed. She should cab it everywhere. It is too hard to find parking.

- Tell your woman to plant roses in your garden increasing the likelyhood of you brining them home to her once a year. – good idea, roses are nice

- Give her a separate bank account with limited spending. She will thank you for this since it will prevent a whole generation from going bankrupt. -> Limit her funds severely so she will be forced to go out and work and get a life

- Compliment her obedience – > nice touch, you will have to be super attentive to find these moments

- Compliment her soft tone in extremely frustrating circumstances -> see above

- Make her miss you by spending more time with your homeboys -> first make sure to remind her you were away

- Its best to avoid watching shows with her since they will always be of her interest, and you cant pretend you are watching with interest since she will quiz you to the ground. Even if you were interested in the damn show you couldn’t ever possibly pay attention to as much detail as they do, you would still fail the quiz miserably. No woman likes a failure, that’s not manly... Be a man and get HD in the basement.-> good idea as long as there is enough sound proofing between the basement and the posh den so that the droning noise of the play by play guy cannot be heard

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A husband realizes that when it comes down to it, he may be able to "justify" his behavior, but he will lose his wife in the process. Men get a lot braver on shiachat

I dont know if the I dont care how she feels talk is real or not. On some level, with some men, I guess it is. Some men must think it is easy to first get a good wife and second to be able to keep her with minimal or no attention to her emotional needs. To stay married the bravado and big talk has to go out the window. It is a lot of work for both to maintain a good relationship; there are lots of ups and downs in life - just look at some of the things our parents went through. Replacing a good spouse must be even more difficult with the added emotional baggage of a failed relationship. Best to maintain and cherish the original - from the beginning.

Just one advice to everyone. Please don't turn this thread -like almost every thread- to multiple wives or Mutah threads , for once , please?!

LOOL...Good post Maryaam...

:wub: Thanks :D

Edited by Maryaam

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Oh for God's sake, just tell me how to be a good husband from the shia perspective. What did the Prophet and the ahl al bayt do to their wives to make them happy. Don't turn this to how men suck and women rock thread. Not all men, especially muslim men, treat their wives like trash.

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Oh for God's sake, just tell me how to be a good husband from the shia perspective. What did the Prophet and the ahl al bayt do to their wives to make them happy. Don't turn this to how men suck and women rock thread. Not all men, especially muslim men, treat their wives like trash.

Patience is good. Shia men are very patient..

and a sense of humour, most Shia men have a sense of hmour which puts them head and shoulders above Sunni impatient bad tempered types.......

Edited by Maryaam

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In the twisted Shia Islam that SOME members on this forum follow, the wife's feelings don't matter, so as long as you give her a minimal amount of financial support, you can go gallivanting around with multiple mutah/permanent marriages.

u were abused in another life by a shia man?

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Some useful tips for ultra romantic and emotional men who feel they aren’t being romantic enough continued

- Husbands and aspiring husbands should completely ignore any sisterly responses to the list created in post 8.

But I agreed with most of them - what about the roses? I definitely agreed with the roses. :Hijabi:

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^ Jazak'Allah khair sis Maryaam!

The example of the Aimmah (as) and those who follow them is to be patient, gentle, helpful, equitable, and infinitely loving toward one's wife.

It is written in Al-Bihar, on the authority of Manaqeb that Imam Ali (A) said:

"By Allah, I never angered Fatima, or forced her to do something (she did not like), up to the day she died; nor did she ever anger or disobey me. In fact, when I looked at her, depression and sadness would be removed from my (heart)."

Here's some excerpts from "Marriage - A Gift for the Youth":

A Woman's Rights Over Her Husband

The principle duty of a man is to provide food, clothing, shelter and all other basic needs of his wife according to his ability and capacity. All this should be done with love and kindness by which their relationship will glow and become stronger. He should always support his wife with courage and bravery so that she may feel a sense of security. Also he must guard her chastity and modesty, while overlooking her minor faults and errors which are inevitable. As Mullah Mohsin Faiz Kashani in his book "Al-Waafi" in the chapter of "A Woman's right over her husband" writes that it is narrated from the Holy Prophet (SAW) that some people enquired from him regarding the rights of a wife over her husband. He (SAW) answered, "He should overlook her minor faults and if she commits a major mistake then he should forgive her."

We all know that human life is not confined to food and drinks. Rather love, affection and sacrifice are the emotions which take humanity to great heights and form the core of its civilisation and culture. A woman who is emotions personified along with her other necessities expects to see the smiling face of her husband when he returns to his house. This is one of her basic rights which has not been overlooked due to its importance by the religion of Islam and therefore it is enumerated as one her rights over her husband.

Shahab Abdo Rabbeh relates that I asked Imam Sadiq (as) concerning the rights of a woman over her husband. He (as) answered, "He should fulfil all her basic necessities and must not terrrorise her by becoming angry time and again. If he does this i.e. after fulfilling her needs, is kind and affectionate towards her, then I swear by God, he has fulfilled his wife's rights. (Kafi).

----------------------------

The Importance of Helping One's Wife in Domestic Works

One day the Holy Prophet (SAW) paid a visit to the house of Ali (as) and Fatema (SA). He saw that Ali (as) is sieving the pulses and Fatema (SA) is busy cooking. On observing this the Holy Prophet (SAW) remarked, "O Ali, I do not speak except what is revealed unto me. Anyone who helps his wife in her domestic affairs obtains a reward of one year of worship equal to the amount of hair on his body. This year of worship will be as if he has fasted during it's day and prayed during it's night. Allah will reward him equal to the reward of all the patient ones, Hazrat Dawood (as) and Hazrat Esa (as). [ Jami us Sadaat, Vol. 2, Pg. 142).

In the same reference another tradition from the Holy Prophet (SAW) is recorded where he says, "O Ali, whoever helps his wife and children in their domestic affairs and does not consider it as an obligation upon them, Allah will enumerate him among the martyrs. The reward of one thousand martyrs is written in his book of deeds (by the angels) each day and night. His one step bears the reward of one Hajj and one Umrah and he gets cities in paradise equal to the number of veins in his body."

Again in Jami us Sadaat, the Holy Prophet (SAW) is reported to have said, "One who stays in his house and helps his family members in their domestic affairs, his reward is better than the one who has worshipped God for one thousand years, performed one thousand Hajj, one thousand Umrah, released one thousand slaves, participated in one thousand battles along with the Holy Prophet (SAW), visited one thousand patients, worshipped on one thousand Fridays, participated in one thousand funeral processions, fed one thousand hungry people, clothed one thousand beggars, distributed one thousand horses in the way of God, gave one thousand Dinars (gold coin) to the poor, recited one thousand times each the Taurat, the Injeel and the Quran, freed one thousand prisoners and donated one thousand sheep to the poor. And the one who helps his family members in their house affairs, sees his place in paradise before departing from this world."

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^ In addition to that, the most enlightening examples I've come across have been those of Allamah Tabatabai (ra) and Ayatullah Khomeini (ra). I was moved to tears and absolutely awestruck when I first read about the way they were with their wives and kids and how deeply and obviously they cherished them. For the husbands out there who are tempted to believe that a non-infallible man can't emulate the domestic conduct of the Aimmah (as) and doesn't need to try his best, such 'ulema are brilliant beacons. Of course, their wives are likewise an example for us women. :)

A few accounts of Allamah (ra) with his wife and family, from 'Eternal Manifestations' by Ahmad Luqmani:

‘Allāma’s family life was extremely warm and pleasant. When his wife passed away he shed so many tears and was so saddened and moved that one day we asked him, “we should be learning patience and endurance from you - why are you affected such?”

He replied:

"Death is inevitable. Everyone must die. I am not crying for the death of my wife. My tears are for the kindness, housekeeping abilities, and the love my wife had. I have had a life full of ups and downs. In the holy city of Najaf when we were faced with many difficulties, I was not even aware of the needs and the administration of our life [because she took care of them so well]. Managing our life was in the hands of my wife, and throughout our life not once did my wife do something that I said I wish she hadn’t done that, even just to myself. Nor did she ever not do something that I said I wish she had carried that out!

Throughout our life together never once did she say to me why did you carry out that particular act, or why didn’t you do something! For example, you know that I work at home and am continually occupied with writing and studying. As a result I get tired and occasionally I need to rest and to renew my energy. My wife was aware of this. She would always have the kettle on and tea ready. Although she was busy with housework, she would pour me one cup of tea every hour. She would place it in my study and would return to her work until the following hour… how can I ever forget such love and kindness?!" :cry: :cry:

source: Ayatullah Ibrāhīm Amīnī

--------------------------

His [‘Allāma’s] behavior with my mother was incredibly respectful and friendly. Through his actions it seemed as if he was always eager to see my mother. We never saw them order each other to do or not do anything, nor did we see any discord between the two of them. They were loving, loyal and forgiving to each other to such an extent that we thought they never disagreed. The two of them were truly like two friends with each other.

Prior to her death, my mother was ill and confined to bed for 27 days. During this period my father did not leave her bedside for a single moment. He left all his work to take care of her.

At the same time my mother was an exceptional woman. She was patient when faced with difficulties and a meager lifestyle. She managed all our household affairs. She took care of our academic and social life and handled all our concerns. She worked with such efficiency and wisdom that my father was able to pursue his academic work with complete ease of mind.

source: ‘Allāma’s daughter

--------------------------

“It was this woman who allowed me to reach this position. She has been my partner and whatever books I have written, half [of the credit] belongs to her.”

This one sentence from ‘Allāma Tabātabā’ī is sufficient as an indication of his enlightened view of women. At another time he said:

If a woman did not have importance, God would not have placed the lineage of the 12 Imāms in the progeny of Hazrat Zahra (a). Truly if a woman is noble and good she can make the entire world a rose-garden, and if she is bad she can make the world a hell…Women and men are partners, and after looking after the raising of her children, a woman must become aware and familiar with the affairs of her society.

--------------------------

Although he had very little time, ‘Allāma managed his schedule in such a manner that he would spend one hour every afternoon with his family. During this time he was so kind and affectionate that one could not believe that this was an individual occupied with so much work.

source: ‘Allāma’s daughter

--------------------------

At home ‘Allāma was strongly opposed to anyone else carrying out his personal tasks for him. There was always a competition in turning down the bed [at home]. My father would try to carry out this task before anyone else, and my mother would try to anticipate him. Even in the end when he was sick and I used to go to his home, he would get up from his place to pour his own tea despite his state of illness. And if I objected and said, “why didn’t you ask me to bring me some tea,” he would reply, “no, you are a guest, and you are also a descendant of the Prophet (s) (Sayyid), and I cannot give you any orders”.

source: ‘Allāma’s daughter

--------------------------

Some accounts of Imam Khomeini's treatment of his wife from 'Rays of the Sun':

Imam always offered me the better place in the room. He would not start eating until I came to the dinner table. He would also tell the children: ‘Wait until Khanom comes.’ He maintained respect for me and was not even willing that I should work in the house. He would always tell me: ‘Don’t sweep.’ If I wanted to wash the children’s clothes at the pond, he would come and say: “Get up, you shouldn’t be washing.”

On the whole, I have to say that Imam did not consider sweeping, washing dishes and even washing my children’s clothes as part of my responsibilities. If out of necessity I sometimes did these, he would get upset considering them as a type of unjust dealing towards me.

Even when I entered the room, he would never say: ‘Close the door behind you,’ but waited till I sat down and then would himself get up and shut the door.

source: the Imam’s Wife

--------------------------

Imam had extraordinary respect for his wife. For example, I am not lying if I say that in the period of 60 years of living together, he did not even reach for food (on the dinner table) before his wife, nor did he have even the smallest expectation from her. I can even say that in the period of 60 years of living together, at no time did he even ask for a glass of water, but would always get it himself. If he was in such a position that he could not, he would say: ‘Is the water not here?’ He would never say: ‘Get up and bring me water.’ He behaved this way not only with his wife but also with all of us who were his daughters. If he ever wanted water we would all enthusiastically run to get it, but he never wanted us to bring and give him a glass of water in his hand.

During the difficult last days of his life, each time he would open his eyes, if he was capable of speaking, he would ask: ‘How is Khanom?’ We would reply: ‘She is good. Shall we tell her to come to you?’ He would answer: ‘No, her back is hurting. Let her rest.’ :cry:

source: Siddiqa Mustafavi (Imam’s daughter)

--------------------------

Imam was very attached to his wife and had special respect for her, so much so that he placed his wife on one side, and his children on the other.

I remember that once Imam’s wife had gone on a journey, and Imam was missing her very much. When he would frown, we would jokingly say to him: ‘When Khanom is here, Imam laughs, and when she is not here, Imam is upset and frowns.’

In short, however much we teased Imam, he would not stop frowning. Finally I said: ‘Blessed is Khanom that you like her so much.’ He said: ‘Blessed am I that I have such a wife. No one else has sacrificed as much in life as she has. If you too would be like Khanom, your husband would also like you this much.'

source: Siddiqa Mustafavi (Imam’s daughter)

--------------------------

As far as possible, Imam was particular that he should not impose his work on others, but rather carry it out himself. In Najaf, it sometimes happened that from the roof, Imam would notice that the kitchen or bathroom light was left on.

In these cases, he would not tell his wife or anybody else who was also on the roof to go and switch off the light. Rather, he would himself make his way down three flights of stairs in the darkness, switch off the light and return.

Occasionally, he would also want a pen or paper that was upstairs. In this circumstance too, he would not tell anyone, not even his loved ones the children of Martyr Marhum Haaj Sayyid Mustafa (Imam’s son), to bring them for him. He would himself get up and go up the stairs to get what he needed and return.

source: Hujjatul Islam Sayyid Hamid Ruhani

--------------------------

One day, as it so happened, there were many guests at Imam’s house. After the meal, I collected the dishes and took them to the kitchen. Along with Zahra, the daughter of Agha Ishraqi, we prepared to wash the dishes. However we saw that Imam himself had immediately come to the kitchen.

I asked Zahra: “Why has Haaj Agha come to the kitchen?” I had a right to be surprised because it wasn’t time to perform wudu. Imam rolled up his sleeves and said: “Because there are many dishes today, I have come to help you.” My body started to tremble. My Lord! What am I seeing! I said to Zahra: “I swear by you to Allah, please request Imam to leave. We will wash the dishes ourselves.” This was really unexpected for me.[10]

-Marzieh Hadide Chi (Dabagh)

Edited by healer

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Perhaps this is the easiest of all questions that I have encountered on shiachat,

simply ask her if she accepts cash or credit. then you'll find yourself in it for the long hual, that is the purpose afterall.

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Marriage and Morals in Islam by Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi and The Ahl ul-Bayt: Ethical Role-Models by Sayyid Mahdi as-Sadr - these are both great sources on appropriate behavior in marriage. You could do a search for them on al-islam.org to see if they're available on there.

Hope that helps!

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LOOL - Let us Shia men come on and you will get loaded answers.

Did I not tell you Maryaam? :D

This thread is supposed to be about Shia men keeping their wives happy. So far, it's been Shia husbands being men in a marriage LOL

@ Bonafide H - AFAIK, women tend to like husbands who act like men. You just have to put your cool head down and be your manself. Don't overdo it and no need to say that out aloud on a forum. Don't make them conscious or the sisters will WOMAN UP and that's no good for us mate. :angel:

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Perhaps this is the easiest of all questions that I have encountered on shiachat,

This has got to be the most puzzling of all questions...actually. To be quite honest, I'd probably freak out a bit if my husband were to come online to find out how to make me happy. Hello...talk to me and here's an idea...perhaps get to know me somewhat. I am unique as I would respectfully think he is too. I mean a solution for X's wife is meant for X only....not necessarily applicable to all and sundry.

And if you are talking about basics like decency, respect, good manners....well yet again if he has no clue then I better be scared...real scared.

But anyway Bonafide Hustler and Maryaam great posts LOL

simply ask her if she accepts cash or credit. then you'll find yourself in it for the long hual, that is the purpose afterall.

Take her shoe shopping...works every time ;)

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How to make your wife happy?

- Buy her nice things for Christmas, like pots and pans, or oven gloves.

- For her birthday, buy her two tickets to a very special event, like a cricket match to which you can accompany her.

:D

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Oh for God's sake, just tell me how to be a good husband from the shia perspective. What did the Prophet and the ahl al bayt do to their wives to make them happy. Don't turn this to how men suck and women rock thread. Not all men, especially muslim men, treat their wives like trash.

Some of the books have been mentioned by sukaina_08. Here are the links:

(1) Principles Of Marriage & Family Ethics

by Ayatullah Ibrahim Amini

http://www.al-islam.org/marriageandfamily/

(2) Marriage and Morals in Islam

by Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi

http://www.al-islam.org/m_morals/

(3) The Family

by Imam Muhammad Shirazi

http://rafed.net/english/books/family/the-family/index.html

(4) The Ahl Ul-Bayt ; Ethical Role-Models

by Sayyid Mahdi as-Sadr

http://www.maaref-foundation.com/english/library/ethics/ethical_role_models/index.htm

(5) The Code of Training

by Ayatullah Ibrahim Amini

http://www.maaref-foundation.com/english/library/ethics/the_codes_of_training/index.htm

(6) For a Better Future

by Abdul Adheem al-Muhtadi al-Bahrani

http://rafed.net/english/books/ethics/for-a-better-future/index.html

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^ In addition to that, the most enlightening examples I've come across have been those of Allamah Tabatabai ra.gif and Ayatullah Khomeini ra.gif. I was moved to tears and absolutely awestruck when I first read about the way they were with their wives and kids and how deeply and obviously they cherished them. For the husbands out there who are tempted to believe that a non-infallible man can't emulate the domestic conduct of the Aimmah as.gif and doesn't need to try his best, such 'ulema are brilliant beacons. Of course, their wives are likewise an example for us women. smile.gif

A few accounts of Allamah ra.gif with his wife and family, from 'Eternal Manifestations' by Ahmad Luqmani:

‘Allāma’s family life was extremely warm and pleasant. When his wife passed away he shed so many tears and was so saddened and moved that one day we asked him, “we should be learning patience and endurance from you - why are you affected such?”

He replied:

"Death is inevitable. Everyone must die. I am not crying for the death of my wife. My tears are for the kindness, housekeeping abilities, and the love my wife had. I have had a life full of ups and downs. In the holy city of Najaf when we were faced with many difficulties, I was not even aware of the needs and the administration of our life [because she took care of them so well]. Managing our life was in the hands of my wife, and throughout our life not once did my wife do something that I said I wish she hadn’t done that, even just to myself. Nor did she ever not do something that I said I wish she had carried that out!

Throughout our life together never once did she say to me why did you carry out that particular act, or why didn’t you do something! For example, you know that I work at home and am continually occupied with writing and studying. As a result I get tired and occasionally I need to rest and to renew my energy. My wife was aware of this. She would always have the kettle on and tea ready. Although she was busy with housework, she would pour me one cup of tea every hour. She would place it in my study and would return to her work until the following hour… how can I ever forget such love and kindness?!" cry.gifcry.gif

source: Ayatullah Ibrāhīm Amīnī

--------------------------

His [‘Allāma’s] behavior with my mother was incredibly respectful and friendly. Through his actions it seemed as if he was always eager to see my mother. We never saw them order each other to do or not do anything, nor did we see any discord between the two of them. They were loving, loyal and forgiving to each other to such an extent that we thought they never disagreed. The two of them were truly like two friends with each other.

Prior to her death, my mother was ill and confined to bed for 27 days. During this period my father did not leave her bedside for a single moment. He left all his work to take care of her.

At the same time my mother was an exceptional woman. She was patient when faced with difficulties and a meager lifestyle. She managed all our household affairs. She took care of our academic and social life and handled all our concerns. She worked with such efficiency and wisdom that my father was able to pursue his academic work with complete ease of mind.

source: ‘Allāma’s daughter

--------------------------

“It was this woman who allowed me to reach this position. She has been my partner and whatever books I have written, half [of the credit] belongs to her.”

This one sentence from ‘Allāma Tabātabā’ī is sufficient as an indication of his enlightened view of women. At another time he said:

If a woman did not have importance, God would not have placed the lineage of the 12 Imāms in the progeny of Hazrat Zahra (a). Truly if a woman is noble and good she can make the entire world a rose-garden, and if she is bad she can make the world a hell…Women and men are partners, and after looking after the raising of her children, a woman must become aware and familiar with the affairs of her society.

--------------------------

Although he had very little time, ‘Allāma managed his schedule in such a manner that he would spend one hour every afternoon with his family. During this time he was so kind and affectionate that one could not believe that this was an individual occupied with so much work.

source: ‘Allāma’s daughter

--------------------------

At home ‘Allāma was strongly opposed to anyone else carrying out his personal tasks for him. There was always a competition in turning down the bed [at home]. My father would try to carry out this task before anyone else, and my mother would try to anticipate him. Even in the end when he was sick and I used to go to his home, he would get up from his place to pour his own tea despite his state of illness. And if I objected and said, “why didn’t you ask me to bring me some tea,” he would reply, “no, you are a guest, and you are also a descendant of the Prophet (s) (Sayyid), and I cannot give you any orders”.

source: ‘Allāma’s daughter

--------------------------

Some accounts of Imam Khomeini's treatment of his wife from 'Rays of the Sun':

Imam always offered me the better place in the room. He would not start eating until I came to the dinner table. He would also tell the children: ‘Wait until Khanom comes.’ He maintained respect for me and was not even willing that I should work in the house. He would always tell me: ‘Don’t sweep.’ If I wanted to wash the children’s clothes at the pond, he would come and say: “Get up, you shouldn’t be washing.”

On the whole, I have to say that Imam did not consider sweeping, washing dishes and even washing my children’s clothes as part of my responsibilities. If out of necessity I sometimes did these, he would get upset considering them as a type of unjust dealing towards me.

Even when I entered the room, he would never say: ‘Close the door behind you,’ but waited till I sat down and then would himself get up and shut the door.

source: the Imam’s Wife

--------------------------

Imam had extraordinary respect for his wife. For example, I am not lying if I say that in the period of 60 years of living together, he did not even reach for food (on the dinner table) before his wife, nor did he have even the smallest expectation from her. I can even say that in the period of 60 years of living together, at no time did he even ask for a glass of water, but would always get it himself. If he was in such a position that he could not, he would say: ‘Is the water not here?’ He would never say: ‘Get up and bring me water.’ He behaved this way not only with his wife but also with all of us who were his daughters. If he ever wanted water we would all enthusiastically run to get it, but he never wanted us to bring and give him a glass of water in his hand.

During the difficult last days of his life, each time he would open his eyes, if he was capable of speaking, he would ask: ‘How is Khanom?’ We would reply: ‘She is good. Shall we tell her to come to you?’ He would answer: ‘No, her back is hurting. Let her rest.’ cry.gif

source: Siddiqa Mustafavi (Imam’s daughter)

--------------------------

Imam was very attached to his wife and had special respect for her, so much so that he placed his wife on one side, and his children on the other.

I remember that once Imam’s wife had gone on a journey, and Imam was missing her very much. When he would frown, we would jokingly say to him: ‘When Khanom is here, Imam laughs, and when she is not here, Imam is upset and frowns.’

In short, however much we teased Imam, he would not stop frowning. Finally I said: ‘Blessed is Khanom that you like her so much.’ He said: ‘Blessed am I that I have such a wife. No one else has sacrificed as much in life as she has. If you too would be like Khanom, your husband would also like you this much.'

source: Siddiqa Mustafavi (Imam’s daughter)

--------------------------

As far as possible, Imam was particular that he should not impose his work on others, but rather carry it out himself. In Najaf, it sometimes happened that from the roof, Imam would notice that the kitchen or bathroom light was left on.

In these cases, he would not tell his wife or anybody else who was also on the roof to go and switch off the light. Rather, he would himself make his way down three flights of stairs in the darkness, switch off the light and return.

Occasionally, he would also want a pen or paper that was upstairs. In this circumstance too, he would not tell anyone, not even his loved ones the children of Martyr Marhum Haaj Sayyid Mustafa (Imam’s son), to bring them for him. He would himself get up and go up the stairs to get what he needed and return.

source: Hujjatul Islam Sayyid Hamid Ruhani

--------------------------

One day, as it so happened, there were many guests at Imam’s house. After the meal, I collected the dishes and took them to the kitchen. Along with Zahra, the daughter of Agha Ishraqi, we prepared to wash the dishes. However we saw that Imam himself had immediately come to the kitchen.

I asked Zahra: “Why has Haaj Agha come to the kitchen?” I had a right to be surprised because it wasn’t time to perform wudu. Imam rolled up his sleeves and said: “Because there are many dishes today, I have come to help you.” My body started to tremble. My Lord! What am I seeing! I said to Zahra: “I swear by you to Allah, please request Imam to leave. We will wash the dishes ourselves.” This was really unexpected for me.[10]

-Marzieh Hadide Chi (Dabagh)

This is so awesome! Thanks for sharing.

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A re-post I earlier deleted

A Shia-fied and slightly edited suggestions on how to have a happy wife. There is also one on how to have a happy husband - but I dont know where to put it - I guess I'll wait till BladeKnight asks......

How to Make your Wife Happy

This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta.

1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

o begin with a good greeting

o start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well

o Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

o Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones

o Give her your attention when you speak or she speaks

o Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands

o Call her nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc

3. Friendliness and Recreation

o Spend time talking together

o Spread to her good news

o Remember your good memories together

4. Games and Distractions

o Joking around & having a sense of humour

o Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever

o Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment

o Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment

5. Assistance in the Household

o Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired

o The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work

6. Consultation (Shurah) Specifically in family matters

o Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you

o Studying her opinion carefully

o Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better

o Thanking her for helping you with her opinions

7. Visiting Others

o Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)

o Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits

o Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with

8. Conduct During Travel

o Offer a warm farewell and good advice

o Ask her to pray for him

o Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence

o Give her enough money for what she might need

o Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.

o Return as soon as possible

o Bring her a gift!

o Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night

o Take her with you if possible

9. Financial Support

o The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).

o He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).

o He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

o Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.

o Always being clean and neat

o Put on perfume for her

11. Intercourse

o It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)

o Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.

o Begin with foreplay including words of love

o Continue until you have satisfied her desire

o Relax and joke around afterwards

o Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while you are looking on

o Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy

o Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

12. Guarding Privacy

o Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

o Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua)

o Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer

o Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening

o Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale

o Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so

14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

o Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents

o Invite them to visit her and welcome them

o Give them presents on special occasions

o Help them when needed with money, effort, etc.

o Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition. This includes:

o The basics of Islam

o Her duties and rights

o Reading and writing

o Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs

o Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women

o Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

16. Admirable Jealousy

o Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house

o Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men

o Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:

1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean

2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just

3- Preventing her from answering the phone.

4- etc.

17. Patience and Mildness

o Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.

o Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc.

o Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18)

o How can you best correct her mistakes?

1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.

2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.

3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:

 He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet (pbuh) never beat a woman or a servant.

 He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc.

 It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an

 He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body

 He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

o Accounting her only for larger mistakes

o Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.

o Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake

o Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing

o Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet (pbuh) never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment

o Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations

o Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings

o When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others

o Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

Edited by Maryaam

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This thread has been very useful

I am bookmarking it on the slim chance that any woman ever marries me :squeez:

Come one brother don't talk like this. :(

zanzalil in English is I could say liked whipped, or man who is submissive to women always nagging him.

A re-post I earlier deleted

A Shia-fied and slightly edited suggestions on how to have a happy wife. There is also one on how to have a happy husband - but I dont know where to put it - I guess I'll wait till BladeKnight asks......

How to Make your Wife Happy

This translation is copyrighted to MSA at University of Alberta.

1. Beautiful Reception. After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

o begin with a good greeting

o start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well

o Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

o Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones

o Give her your attention when you speak or she speaks

o Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands

o Call her nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc

3. Friendliness and Recreation

o Spend time talking together

o Spread to her good news

o Remember your good memories together

4. Games and Distractions

o Joking around & having a sense of humour

o Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever

o Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment

o Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment

5. Assistance in the Household

o Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired

o The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work

6. Consultation (Shurah) Specifically in family matters

o Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you

o Studying her opinion carefully

o Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better

o Thanking her for helping you with her opinions

7. Visiting Others

o Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)

o Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits

o Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with

8. Conduct During Travel

o Offer a warm farewell and good advice

o Ask her to pray for him

o Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence

o Give her enough money for what she might need

o Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.

o Return as soon as possible

o Bring her a gift!

o Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night

o Take her with you if possible

9. Financial Support

o The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).

o He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).

o He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

o Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.

o Always being clean and neat

o Put on perfume for her

11. Intercourse

o It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)

o Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.

o Begin with foreplay including words of love

o Continue until you have satisfied her desire

o Relax and joke around afterwards

o Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her to do it first while you are looking on

o Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy

o Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

12. Guarding Privacy

o Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.

13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

o Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua)

o Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer

o Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening

o Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale

o Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so

14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

o Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents

o Invite them to visit her and welcome them

o Give them presents on special occasions

o Help them when needed with money, effort, etc.

o Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.

15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition. This includes:

o The basics of Islam

o Her duties and rights

o Reading and writing

o Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs

o Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women

o Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

16. Admirable Jealousy

o Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house

o Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men

o Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:

1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean

2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just

3- Preventing her from answering the phone.

4- etc.

17. Patience and Mildness

o Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.

o Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc.

o Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18)

o How can you best correct her mistakes?

1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.

2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings). Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another room, leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.

3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this case, the husband should consider the following:

 He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet (pbuh) never beat a woman or a servant.

 He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g. refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been, etc.

 It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an

 He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face or on sensitive parts of her body

 He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe, etc.

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

o Accounting her only for larger mistakes

o Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.

o Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake

o Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing

o Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet (pbuh) never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment

o Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations

o Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings

o When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others

o Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

I agree with everything here, but coming home to shake your wife's hand seems little strange. :unsure:

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Sounds pretty good - now who said only children were hard to get along with :wub:

- Stop being ultra romantic and emotional -> dont bother with this altogether –> women know that it is fake

- Limit yourself to calling her baby from 30 times a day to 3 times a year -> dont waste your voice - cut out the baby altogether

- Always remember to scream what’s for dinner upon your entry back home -> scream all u want – she will be at yoga class

- Be extremely critical of her cooking skills and compliment her cooking once every month –> do not compliment – so that she is discouraged and gives up and you have to take over

- To be politically correct, I am not against women driving around. But for the sake of your heart, its fluctuating heart beat and agony that your children might potentially suffer from, please avoid the letting her drive while you are in the car.-> agreed. She should cab it everywhere. It is too hard to find parking.

- Tell your woman to plant roses in your garden increasing the likelyhood of you brining them home to her once a year. – good idea, roses are nice

- Give her a separate bank account with limited spending. She will thank you for this since it will prevent a whole generation from going bankrupt. -> Limit her funds severely so she will be forced to go out and work and get a life

- Compliment her obedience – > nice touch, you will have to be super attentive to find these moments

- Compliment her soft tone in extremely frustrating circumstances -> see above

- Make her miss you by spending more time with your homeboys -> first make sure to remind her you were away

- Its best to avoid watching shows with her since they will always be of her interest, and you cant pretend you are watching with interest since she will quiz you to the ground. Even if you were interested in the damn show you couldn’t ever possibly pay attention to as much detail as they do, you would still fail the quiz miserably. No woman likes a failure, that’s not manly... Be a man and get HD in the basement.-> good idea as long as there is enough sound proofing between the basement and the posh den so that the droning noise of the play by play guy cannot be heard

LOL good answer but i think the cab one should be employ a driver telling the husband its just for children safety :P when really its to rinse the monies (H) hahaha

Edited by hijabiprincess

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Hi everybody.

I had this thread bookmarked, and today I found something that is very relevant. It is a letter Emam Khomeini sent to his wife while he was on his way to doing hajj in the year 1312 HS (1933/1934 AD).

تصدقت شوم، الهي قربانت بروم، در اين مدت كه مبتلاي به جدايي از آن نور چشم عزيز و قوت قلبم گرديدم،متذكر شما هستم و صورت زيبايت در آيينه قلبم منقوش است. عزيزم، اميدوارم خداوند شما را به سلامت و خوش در پناه خودش حفظ كند.[حال]من با هر شدتي باشد مي‌گذرد؛ ولي به حمدالله تاكنون هرچه پيش آمد،خوش بوده و الان در شهر زيباي بيروت هستم(1).

حقيقتا جاي شما خالي است، فقط براي تماشاي شهر و دريا خيلي منظره خوش دارد. صد حيف كه محبوب عزيزم همراهم نيست كه اين منظره عالي به دل بچسبد.

در هر حال، امشب، شب دوم است كه منتظر كشتي هستيم. از قرار معلوم و معروف، يك كشتي فردا حركت مي كند، ولي ماها كه قدري دير رسيديم، بايد منتظر كشتي ديگر باشيم. عجالتا تكليف معلوم نيست، اميد است خداوند به عزت اجداد طاهرينم، كه همه حجاج را موفق كند به اتمام عمل. از اين حيث قدري نگران هستم، ولي از حيث مزاج بحمدالله به سلامت. بلكه مزاجم بحمدالله مستقيم‌تر و بهتر است. خيلي سفر خوبي است، جاي شما خيلي خيلي خالي است. دلم براي پسرت [سيدمصطفي] قدري تنگ شده است. اميد است كه هر دو(2) به سلامت و سعادت در تحت مراقبت آن عزيز و محافظت خداي متعال باشند. اگر به آقا [پدر همسر امام] و خانم‌ها [مادر و مادربزرگ همسر امام] كاغذي نوشتيد، سلام مرا برسانيد. من از قبل همه نايب‌الزياره هستم. به خانم شمس آفاق [خواهر همسر امام] سلام برسانيد و به توسط ايشان به آقاي دكتر [علوي] سلام برسانيد. به خاور سلطان و ربابه سلطان سلام برسانيد.

صفحه مقابل را به آقاي شيخ عبدالحسين بگوييد برسانند.

ايام عمر و عزت مستدام. تصدقت. قربانت؛ روح‌الله

God willing may I sacrifice myself for you,

At this time -- when I am consumed with God's love and when my eyes and heart are nourished with his light -- you are always in my thoughts, and your beautiful face is engraved in my heart. My love, I hope that God is protecting you and preserving your health. Alhamdulillah all of my experiences thus far have been positive, and at this moment I am in the beautiful city of Beirut.

I truly miss you and wish you were here, even if it was only to see the city and the view of the sea. It is a shame that my beloved angel is not with me to enjoy these beautiful views.

In any case, this is the second night that I have been waiting for a ship. One ship departs tomorrow, but we will likely be late to that one and be forced to wait for the next. It is unclear what will happen, God willing everything will be fine and we will all complete our hajj. I am a bit worried about this, but I thank God that I am in good health. It has been a good trip, and I wish you were here. I deeply miss your son, Seyyed Mostafa. I hope that both you and him are in good health and that God preserves you both. If you write for your father or for your mother or your grandmother, please tell them hello for me and give them my regards. Please tell hi to Mrs Shams Afagh (Emam's wife's sister) for me, and tell her to say hi to Dr Alavi for me. Also say hi to Khavar Soltan and Robabeh Soltan. Please tell Mr Sheikh Abdolhossein to send the other page (that i have sent you).

Best wishes.

Your servant,

Ruhollah

Jackson's note: the concept of a man needing to be strong-handed with his wife is a Western concept entirely. Emam Khomeini was an "strongman" as the Americans say (or a "caudillo" as the Spaniards say), and yet his behavior toward his wife conflicts with all the traits one normally associates with such a personality. This shows the dynamic and beautiful nature of our Islamic religion/political doctrine. I pray to God that we can all achieve the greatness and character of Emam Khomeini.

Ya Ali Madad

Edited by baradar_jackson

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Sounds pretty good - now who said only children were hard to get along with :wub:

- Stop being ultra romantic and emotional -> dont bother with this altogether –> women know that it is fake

- Limit yourself to calling her baby from 30 times a day to 3 times a year -> dont waste your voice - cut out the baby altogether

- Always remember to scream what’s for dinner upon your entry back home -> scream all u want – she will be at yoga class

- Be extremely critical of her cooking skills and compliment her cooking once every month –> do not compliment – so that she is discouraged and gives up and you have to take over

- To be politically correct, I am not against women driving around. But for the sake of your heart, its fluctuating heart beat and agony that your children might potentially suffer from, please avoid the letting her drive while you are in the car.-> agreed. She should cab it everywhere. It is too hard to find parking.

- Tell your woman to plant roses in your garden increasing the likelyhood of you brining them home to her once a year. – good idea, roses are nice

- Give her a separate bank account with limited spending. She will thank you for this since it will prevent a whole generation from going bankrupt. -> Limit her funds severely so she will be forced to go out and work and get a life

- Compliment her obedience – > nice touch, you will have to be super attentive to find these moments

- Compliment her soft tone in extremely frustrating circumstances -> see above

- Make her miss you by spending more time with your homeboys -> first make sure to remind her you were away

- Its best to avoid watching shows with her since they will always be of her interest, and you cant pretend you are watching with interest since she will quiz you to the ground. Even if you were interested in the damn show you couldn’t ever possibly pay attention to as much detail as they do, you would still fail the quiz miserably. No woman likes a failure, that’s not manly... Be a man and get HD in the basement.-> good idea as long as there is enough sound proofing between the basement and the posh den so that the droning noise of the play by play guy cannot be heard

Maryam - u go girl!!!! Your post was not only hilarious but so damn true!!! Kudos!

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