Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

Why do women cheat?

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

  • Veteran Member

Muslim women are not immune to cheating.

Estimates of infidelity range from 30-60 percent of women compared to 50-70 percent of men.

The gap is closing. Why then do so many women take secret lovers? Why do they cheat?

  • Needs and not met – physical and emotional?
  • Lack of passion?
  • Need for excitement?
  • Need for emotional support?
  • Embittered?
  • Need for recognition?
  • Mistreatment by husband?
  • Other?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Muslim women are not immune to cheating.

Estimates of infidelity range from 30-60 percent of women compared to 50-70 percent of men.

The gap is closing. Why then do so many women take secret lovers? Why do they cheat?

  • Needs and not met – physical and emotional?
  • Lack of passion?
  • Need for excitement?
  • Need for emotional support?
  • Embittered?
  • Need for recognition?
  • Mistreatment by husband?
  • Other?

If God strictly allowed women only one husband each, this means she can stick to one man and does not "need" to cheat just for "excitement" etc...Although I do not trust this statistics, it's not what I see around me and what I hear/read, however still even if the statistics are not correct, there are women who cheat on their husbands. In my opinion, the first reason would be : Lack of Needs.

Needs are not met by her husband:

-Need of emotional support which is the most important for women's nature

-Need recognition from her husband

-Need to feel secure with him

-Physical need

-Compliments need

-Secondary needs (more money etc-provided the husband can afford it but he;s not generous)

A lack of any of the above needs would be considered "mistreatment by husband" to many women.

Also, the husband is not always to be blamed of course, however husbands should not expect fidelity when they can't keep their wives fully secured with them.

The other half of women who cheated, could be because of their envirement. It would be because:

- For luxury, they can't stand average income, hence they cheat with someone who can provide them enough for to feed their greed

-Were not raised with the correct values of relationships

-Seduced and failed to resist temptations

-Influenced by the wrong group of friends

-Husband is not home most of them, women feel insulted and decide to find someone else

-lack of love, married the wrong husband and maybe they have kids so she avoids divorce but chooses to cheat instead

-Forced into the marriage somehow

-For revenge (it happened in a few families I know, when the wives discovered about their husband's other relationships, they cheated on their husbands just for revenge.

Edited by Calm
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

the statistics sound rather high especially since they dont say who they are surveying - 'muslim women' is rather broad

They are estimates - publiched in Psychology Today - a pop psychology publication that bases their articles on actual research but enhances the results for a lay person audience. It was for all women.

Until recently I would have agreed that the numbers seem high (esp for Muslim women), but now they dont seem that unrealistic.

Edited by Maryaam
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't believe that men and women are so different. Men and women are largely motivated by the same things and when conditions are appropriate, they behave in the same ways. When it's socially acceptable for women to be violent, you find the gap between male and female violence shrinks. When its socially acceptable for women to w.hore around you find the gap between male w.horing and female w.horing closes. Men don't cheat because they are under the forces of uncontrollable biological urges, they do so because they can and they want to. Women also do so because they can and they want to. Now why would either gender want to have sex outside of a supposedly monogamous relationship? Some suggestions:

Ego: The person they are cheating with reminds them that they are still attractive. This is especially an issue when we start to undergo some significant change in appearance or status like age, weight gain or loss, losing hair, loss of financial status etc.

Money: The new person essentially pays for the sex and the cheater likes the cash and/or gifts

Feeling Trapped: The person is unsatisfied at home, but feels like they can't leave the relationship because of the financial and/or social cost

Selfishness: They just don't care about the other person or the relationship the only want to gratify themselves consequences be damned

Drama Kings/Queens: Some folks have this satanic drive for CONSTANT drama in their lives and go to crazy extents to ensure that they are ALWAYS the center of attention.

Interestingly enough, I think abused women are probably the least likely to cheat. These women are generally so terrified, attached and caught up in the cycle of violence that they don't have the nerve. The truth is, though, I don't think men and women should allow themselves to be motivated by fear of anything other than Allah (swt). Otherwise you'll go to crazy lengths and drive yourself and your partner crazy trying to prevent them from cheating. You can't stop someone from sleeping around if they want to. Just follow the golden rule (treat others as you'd want to be treated) and steel yourself against the inevitable ups and downs of life in this dunya with focus on the One Reality.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Apart from sexual urge, one reason for adultery is that shaitan can make people feel powerful and a give them a sense of achievement when they enter a relationship that is otherwise forbidden for them by religion and moral values. But when the same relationship becomes halal (such as by marriage), the "charm" of crossing the limits of religion and morality is no longer there. This is why a person may feel a great deal of joy and pleasure when he is fornicating with another individual, but when the same two individuals get married after fornicating, they soon lose all the charm, the spark and excitement - because now the relationship is no longer forbidden ground.

This is why in Islam, one of the greatest worships is to limit the sexual desire to that which is permissible, because one has to deny himself the "charm" which comes with the sense of being above the law by committing adultery.

Edited by Liggel
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

this is garbage, probably did a pole with those muslim-because-it-says-so-in-passport muslims, i HIGHLY doubt that statistic represents actual muslims that do basic religious stuff, im sure they cheat n wat not, but 30-60 women and 50-70 men is totally nonsence

Link to post
Share on other sites

These statistics are about right for non-muslim westerners. No way it's anything like this in Muslim countries, nor conservative non-Muslim countries like India and China.

It is probably true for boyfriend/girlfriend only relationships for westerners, but not for marriage. Maybe the Muslim girls questioned may have considered cheating as having relationships before being married, which does happen quite a lot, especially in western countries.

Edited by Irishman
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

These statistics are about right for non-muslim westerners. No way it's anything like this in Muslim countries, nor conservative non-Muslim countries like India and China.

You should really think again about India.

I think there is no reliable way of knowing approximately accurate percentage of men and women cheaters in Muslim as well as non-Muslim conservative societies because of the consequences of such an admission even if the survey is totally anonymous. On the other hand, due to different cultural expectations, it is perhaps easier for Western non-Muslims to admit that. It is also hard to get Muslims to answer such questions, especially women and those who live in Muslim countries.

Anyway, the percentages are not that important. So I'll turn the thread back to the actual reasons why Muslim women cheat, and as in any society, there are plenty of them in our midst.

Edited by Marbles
Link to post
Share on other sites

You should really think again about India.

I think there is no reliable way of knowing approximately accurate percentage of men and women cheaters in Muslim as well as non-Muslim conservative societies because of the consequences of such an admission even if the survey is totally anonymous. On the other hand, due to different cultural expectations, it is perhaps easier for Western non-Muslims to admit that. It is also hard to get Muslims to answer such questions, especially women and those who live in Muslim countries.

Anyway, the percentages are not that important. So I'll turn the thread back to the actual reasons why Muslim women cheat, and as in any society, there are plenty of them in our midst.

Probably the same reason western women cheat, they feel unwanted, unloved, unsatisfied, or for some its the excitement of doing something naughty and trying to get away with it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Why is everyone so surprised about the number but me :S

Live in such a closed minded society.. where woman can't do much really.. and THEY STILL CHEAT! I keep hearing all sorta stories about that..

I think reasons varies from a case to another.. but mostly I think it's the unfulfilled needs.. I could understand some of the woman this kind.. but the thing that I really hate are the women who cheat just coz they r bored! Now that's just UGH :S

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Probably the same reason western women cheat, they feel unwanted, unloved, unsatisfied, or for some its the excitement of doing something naughty and trying to get away with it.

I agree. I would also add "for revenge" in your list.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

Why is everyone so surprised about the number but me :S

Live in such a closed minded society.. where woman can't do much really.. and THEY STILL CHEAT! I keep hearing all sorta stories about that..

I think reasons varies from a case to another.. but mostly I think it's the unfulfilled needs.. I could understand some of the woman this kind.. but the thing that I really hate are the women who cheat just coz they r bored! Now that's just UGH :S

I understand, and in some cases sympathise, with people who cheat because their (major) needs are not met and they feel trapped in unsatisfying, troubled marriages. But it is downright disgusting when a person cheats because they are "bored" of their spouse and do it for a "change", or if they fail to resist temptation etc. It is so unfortunate when a person gets cheated for no reason.

I agree. I would also add "for revenge" in your list.

I want to understand cheating in revenge. Does this factor feature more in female stories than in male? And why?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to understand cheating in revenge. Does this factor feature more in female stories than in male? And why?

Sometimes a woman may have found evidence of possible cheating by her man, but no smoking gun as they say, so she wants to get even. Or else, the husband has admitted playing away from home once, and the woman wants to even the odds, and have her intimate encounter, and then she will feel less angry, as both have enjoyed the same outside pleasure.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

I want to understand cheating in revenge. Does this factor feature more in female stories than in male? And why?

Although I cant vouch for the numbers of cheating as a form of revenge, but I would say that generally it would be a woman who be more likely to take revenge on a man rather than the other way round. Due to womens sharp memory of having been wronged or hurt and not being able to let go as easily as a man would. Women probably remember the exact day and time (to the minute) when they were wronged...plus will also remember what they wore on the day and what their spouse also wore :angel:

So as a result, the women who are so inclined, may use cheating as part of their "getting back at him" tactic.

Edited by Imani
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

I want to understand cheating in revenge. Does this factor feature more in female stories than in male? And why?

Sometimes a woman may have found evidence of possible cheating by her man, but no smoking gun as they say, so she wants to get even. Or else, the husband has admitted playing away from home once, and the woman wants to even the odds, and have her intimate encounter, and then she will feel less angry, as both have enjoyed the same outside pleasure.

No, I don't think so. I think its more to make him (the husband who she discovered he cheated on her) taste how it feels if to know she's been with someone else too. Or to take her anger out, knowing that it will anger him like hell if he founds out she's with another man, so she'd do it to burn him down as they say, or to even out like Irishman said. But I still think it's more to make him suffer what she suffered. The few cases I know of women who cheated on their husbands, they're all for "revenge", "he did this to me, I will do the same to him" or "I was chaste all this time for a man who does not deserve , it's not worth it, he'll see what I'm capable of". I think when she cheats on her husband for revenge it's also to show him that if he does not know her value or if he belittle her, there are "other" men that are interested in her....

Link to post
Share on other sites

Muslim women are not immune to cheating.

Estimates of infidelity range from 30-60 percent of women compared to 50-70 percent of men.

The gap is closing. Why then do so many women take secret lovers? Why do they cheat?

  • Needs and not met – physical and emotional?
  • Lack of passion?
  • Need for excitement?
  • Need for emotional support?
  • Embittered?
  • Need for recognition?
  • Mistreatment by husband?
  • Other?

A coward, timid and a person weak in faith will always find an easy way out by cheating instead of facing the problem wisely.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

A coward, timid and a person weak in faith will always find an easy way out by cheating instead of facing the problem wisely.

Cheating would definitely be a sign of weakness. I dont know if it is the easy way out as the stress and potential problems that would result from it would be enormous and hurt many people - including the cheater.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

No, I don't think so. I think its more to make him (the husband who she discovered he cheated on her) taste how it feels if to know she's been with someone else too. Or to take her anger out, knowing that it will anger him like hell if he founds out she's with another man, so she'd do it to burn him down as they say, or to even out like Irishman said. But I still think it's more to make him suffer what she suffered. The few cases I know of women who cheated on their husbands, they're all for "revenge", "he did this to me, I will do the same to him" or "I was chaste all this time for a man who does not deserve , it's not worth it, he'll see what I'm capable of". I think when she cheats on her husband for revenge it's also to show him that if he does not know her value or if he belittle her, there are "other" men that are interested in her....

I think the "revenge" theme is the strongest here. I have "heard" of elaborate schemes for cheating by people you would never think in a million years but was not aware of the reasons behind it.

I posted earlier (but removed it) about the only case that I know about personally - and it is a lovely kind "religious" devoted mom (Lebanese) of two who is married to a disconnected spouse (Iraqi). I think she is very lonely. She would never leave her husband but has another man whom she is quite emotionally involved with...I dont know the physical extent of this involvment, but it is cheating.

Edited by Maryaam
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

No, I don't think so. I think its more to make him (the husband who she discovered he cheated on her) taste how it feels if to know she's been with someone else too. Or to take her anger out, knowing that it will anger him like hell if he founds out she's with another man, so she'd do it to burn him down as they say, or to even out like Irishman said. But I still think it's more to make him suffer what she suffered. The few cases I know of women who cheated on their husbands, they're all for "revenge", "he did this to me, I will do the same to him" or "I was chaste all this time for a man who does not deserve , it's not worth it, he'll see what I'm capable of". I think when she cheats on her husband for revenge it's also to show him that if he does not know her value or if he belittle her, there are "other" men that are interested in her....

Given the balance of power in a conventionally structured marital relationships, as a revengeful response to cheater husbands, perhaps women cheat to "take control" of the situation and to create an illusion where they see themselves as being "in charge"?. . .Anyway, I think it is also a sign of weak morals when you have wives cheat on their husbands only because their husbands cheated on them. They may want to hurt their husbands in revenge but they aren't doing any good to themselves in the process. In fact, as Maryaam said, it hurts the cheater too. Men who think they are on the "driving seat", in most cases, turn extremely violent when they realise that they are not.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

Although I cant vouch for the numbers of cheating as a form of revenge, but I would say that generally it would be a woman who be more likely to take revenge on a man rather than the other way round. Due to womens sharp memory of having been wronged or hurt and not being able to let go as easily as a man would. Women probably remember the exact day and time (to the minute) when they were wronged...plus will also remember what they wore on the day and what their spouse also wore :angel:

So as a result, the women who are so inclined, may use cheating as part of their "getting back at him" tactic.

This is spooky :squeez:

I keep hearing tales of female revenge. Hope they aren't true.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

I think the "revenge" theme is the strongest here. I have "heard" of elaborate schemes for cheating by people you would never think in a million years but was not aware of the reasons behind it.

I posted earlier (but removed it) about the only case that I know about personally - and it is a lovely kind "religious" devoted mom (Lebanese) of two who is married to a disconnected spouse (Iraqi). I think she is very lonely. She would never leave her husband but has another man whom she is quite emotionally involved with...I dont know the physical extent of this involvment, but it is cheating.

I'm assuming emotionally involved meaning not only she has feeling for this other man but they also talk, and of course the husband does not know and would not accept their kind of talk if he knew. If that's what you mean, then I consider it cheating too however as much as she is cheating her husband is to blame too for being "disconnected". Women are emotional and need their man side by side with them. Seeing his wife on occasions only is not healthy for their marriage. Whether it's because he works in another country or whatever it is a big risk he's taking . So I blame his equally. Many women in my city are living "disconnected" from their husbands, because their husband found a tempting paying job in another country, so they get to see each other once a year or so...No matter how strong these women are, many of them eventually found herself "comfortable" with someone else..Someone who's willing to give her more time than the "one yearly husband visit"...I blame the husband first, then the cheating wife.

Given the balance of power in a conventionally structured marital relationships, as a revengeful response to cheater husbands, perhaps women cheat to "take control" of the situation and to create an illusion where they see themselves as being "in charge"?. . .Anyway, I think it is also a sign of weak morals when you have wives cheat on their husbands only because their husbands cheated on them. They may want to hurt their husbands in revenge but they aren't doing any good to themselves in the process. In fact, as Maryaam said, it hurts the cheater too. Men who think they are on the "driving seat", in most cases, turn extremely violent when they realise that they are not.

Yes, it most cases it turns ugly and men become violent in return, although these men should have thought about this before they cheat. There is an Arabic saying (or hadith I don't know) that translates to "Whatever you do, it is done to you". But like sister Maryaam said, reaction vs reflection, most men take their wives for granted , they think no matter what they do, she'll still be loyal to him, they are too confident when they should not always be. Again, I say women revenge in cheating cases is to hurt him like he hurt her rather than anything else. I do not think it's to "take control" as you say but more to burn him down.

Me too.

I think it is reaction vs reflection. Not a lot of pre-thinking goes into some of the things we do.

Big time..

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

lol some of you have been watching too many movies. lord i dont know what your societies are like, but ive never heard of a married woman cheating in a muslim community either in the west or east.

i have on the other hand heard of plenty of married men "cheating" but they call that muta :) oh no wait there was one guy who tried to get it on with a married woman too.. that turned into a criminal case because she cut his gut open in self defense. oh yes, and there was the serial rapist too. yeah the men "cheating" definitely have made it into the news.

Edited by Cary Grant
Link to post
Share on other sites

lol some of you have been watching too many movies. lord i dont know what your societies are like, but ive never heard of a married woman cheating in a muslim community either in the west or east.

i have on the other hand heard of plenty of married men "cheating" but they call that muta :) oh no wait there was one guy who tried to get it on with a married woman too.. that turned into a criminal case because she cut his gut open in self defense. oh yes, and there was the serial rapist too. yeah the men "cheating" definitely have made it into the news.

You are certainly living in a different world. Muslim women cheat as a revenge or when they want divorce.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

You are certainly living in a different world. Muslim women cheat as a revenge or when they want divorce.

hey im not saying its non existent. i just find it hard to believe that it is so prevalent that everyone here is so sure of it being so through hearing of cases. do remember that the accusation of cheating is very easy to stick to someone. the cases i was talking about were pretty much proven, not according to islamic standards but at least according to the laws here, which is a tad more reliable than gossip.

i fail to see the point of this thread. if you want to know the reason for a phenomenon, the way to go about it is objectively not subjectively which iswhat this thread has been thus far, at least in my opinion.

and dan rafi, did you delete and re post your post? i distinctly remember my first post here being below yours. :lol:

Edited by Cary Grant
Link to post
Share on other sites

lol some of you have been watching too many movies. lord i dont know what your societies are like, but ive never heard of a married woman cheating in a muslim community either in the west or east.

i have on the other hand heard of plenty of married men "cheating" but they call that muta :) oh no wait there was one guy who tried to get it on with a married woman too.. that turned into a criminal case because she cut his gut open in self defense. oh yes, and there was the serial rapist too. yeah the men "cheating" definitely have made it into the news.

yeh, 30-60% of married Muslim women cheating is patently untrue.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

lol some of you have been watching too many movies. lord i dont know what your societies are like, but ive never heard of a married woman cheating in a muslim community either in the west or east.

hey im not saying its non existent. i just find it hard to believe that it is so prevalent that everyone here is so sure of it being so through hearing of cases. do remember that the accusation of cheating is very easy to stick to someone. the cases i was talking about were pretty much proven, not according to islamic standards but at least according to the laws here, which is a tad more reliable than gossip.

i fail to see the point of this thread. if you want to know the reason for a phenomenon, the way to go about it is objectively not subjectively which iswhat this thread has been thus far, at least in my opinion.

LOL - You either live in a perfect world where Muslim women lead fully satisfied lovely dovely marital lives and incapable of even dreaming about cheating on their husbands even if they turn out to be bad apples, OR you haven't really been out in the wild. NO offence lol

I don't know if it is prevalent or not but I think having personal knowledge of only one Muslim woman cheating on her husband is enough to change your idea of the whole thing. I would also have dismissed this phenomenon as unreal or extremely rare a few years ago. LOL not now. A lot of hearsay goes around, a lot of accusatory dirt is thrown at people but that's not what counts. Personal knowledge of a case(s) does. I know of only 3 cases of cheating (by Muslim women) I am 100% sure about. Either I personally know the cheater or the lover or in one case, both. We live in a real world.

This is a very good thread. Some of us here want to understand subjective reasons behind this phenomenon, and those subjective reasons aren't that subjective anyway. They affect marital relationships quite frequently. We have to put some thought into "why does it happen" before we can objectively look at it case by case. There have been threads discussing 'cheater husband/wife'. Nothing to be gained from here if one is already sure of everything.

Edited by Marbles
Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...