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In the Name of God بسم الله

Would you marry a religious guy that was poor?

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salaamz

I know of a few good religious men who are not very rich. They have very low paid jobs. They dont have the confidence to approach the families of girls. What is the solution to this problem? How do you find a woman who will accept a poor guy or a student?

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I would prefer a well to do religious person.But a poor religious person is far better than a very rich but un-islamic man.

There is no point being afraid of approaching.I mean not asking will lead them nowhere.

Of course,it helps if there are good looking!!!!

:blush::blush:

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salaamz

I know of a few good religious men who are not very rich. They have very low paid jobs. They dont have the confidence to approach the families of girls. What is the solution to this problem? How do you find a woman who will accept a poor guy or a student?

There are lots and lots of poor sisters (in Islam) too. If the guys don't have the confidence, they can send their parents/guardians. In our family, we send the parents anyways. A lot of families do that in my country of origin. Guys don't go knocking people's door asking for rishta.

Salams

Edited by inshaAllah
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thank you for your replies.

Find a woman who has compatible values and goals. That will be best for you and for her. Hopefully your family and her family won't wreck things for you.

Why would a man be afraid to approach a girl's family? Isn't the worst that could happen they say no? How is that different from not asking at all?

boys approach the girl's parents through their own parents. the boy himself may not be afraid of rejection but his parents may be and they may refuse to approach. plus it is easier said than done.

Edited by thebigmans
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salaamz

I know of a few good religious men who are not very rich. They have very low paid jobs. They dont have the confidence to approach the families of girls. What is the solution to this problem? How do you find a woman who will accept a poor guy or a student?

(salam)

If they really are religious and thankful of what they have already than Allah (s) will give them more and more.

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Guest Peace

salam

whatever anyone elses preferences here that shudnt deter someone who does want to marry som1 who is rich and they are poor. Why be ashamed - ask the parents and then let the parents and daughter take that into account when making their decision to refuse or accept. Hope and pray in Allah swt. Cause it doesnt matter if 99% of girls wud say yes or no - its all about the woman that person would want to marry and her parents. People - girls and guys shud do tawassul, make efforts, and if its not mean to be allow it.

Edited by Peace
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in response to the thread title, absolutely. even better, you get massive thawab for choosing faith over money, and Allah gives you the rizq that you were determined to have anyway. they should ask, and thank Allah a million times over if unsuitable girls reject them.

with salam.

*if however theyre not very religious and poor at the same time they lose both ways. the only way to ensure you get a suitable religious lady is to work real hard on your own faith, to become someone she would seriously consider as a suitable match.

Edited by ha mim
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salam

Im trying to be careful what I write in case it deters anyone or displeases Allah swt. I think its important to NOT romanticise poverty. Too many people equate poverty with being godly and this is not always the case. Poverty can drive a person to become desparate and do things they would not do in other circumstances. Ive been told that a man should try and keep his wife the same way as she was kept in her father's household. I do not know if that is correct! just something ive been told. It is very hard for a woman who comes from a rich bkground to adjust to a poor bkground and I would not like sisters to have unrealistic expectations. If you think you could adjust and care about the person enough to do that - then fair enuff ask God for help. But just basic things which in the early days of married life mite be overlooked by the excitement - a few years down the line would matter.

I say this for several reasons. 1) I think people need to be truthful to themselves about themselves and ask themselves what could they take and what they could not take. This covers several issues - whether a rich person could marry a poor one, an educated person could marry an uneducated one, a healthy person could marry a person with disabilities and also it should be different depending on how much you like/love and how highly you regard the person in question.

I think my main point is don't romanticise poverty as well as dont idealise richness.

Edited by Peace
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salam

Im trying to be careful what I write in case it deters anyone or displeases Allah swt. I think its important to NOT romanticise poverty. Too many people equate poverty with being godly and this is not always the case. Poverty can drive a person to become desparate and do things they would not do in other circumstances. Ive been told that a man should try and keep his wife the same way as she was kept in her father's household. I do not know if that is correct! just something ive been told. It is very hard for a woman who comes from a rich bkground to adjust to a poor bkground and I would not like sisters to have unrealistic expectations. If you think you could adjust and care about the person enough to do that - then fair enuff ask God for help. But just basic things which in the early days of married life mite be overlooked by the excitement - a few years down the line would matter.

Much wisdom.

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salam

Im trying to be careful what I write in case it deters anyone or displeases Allah swt. I think its important to NOT romanticise poverty. Too many people equate poverty with being godly and this is not always the case. Poverty can drive a person to become desparate and do things they would not do in other circumstances. Ive been told that a man should try and keep his wife the same way as she was kept in her father's household. I do not know if that is correct! just something ive been told. It is very hard for a woman who comes from a rich bkground to adjust to a poor bkground and I would not like sisters to have unrealistic expectations. If you think you could adjust and care about the person enough to do that - then fair enuff ask God for help. But just basic things which in the early days of married life mite be overlooked by the excitement - a few years down the line would matter.

I say this for several reasons. 1) I think people need to be truthful to themselves about themselves and ask themselves what could they take and what they could not take. This covers several issues - whether a rich person could marry a poor one, an educated person could marry an uneducated one, a healthy person could marry a person with disabilities and also it should be different depending on how much you like/love and how highly you regard the person in question.

I think my main point is don't romanticise poverty as well as dont idealise richness.

^ MashaAllah @ ur maturity! lol, only teasing I know u were always wise and mature, you just hid well before, hehehe (teasing again). I agree with your post but would add that we must remember that poverty can strike anyone at any time. So if a person is truthful to themselves and rejects an otherwise good match for marriage because of potential poverty or marry someone because of wealth then they can't assume those states won't change and sometimes its this change of status that breaks a marraige.

ws

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salam

Batool lol u know u only think that cus of the kind of person u are ie too nice! I surround myself with pple who are wise then plagiarise their ideas lol. Its easy to spout wisdom on an internet forum. Acting on any is a diff story :P And I think my job has forced me to grow up a little bit but ask my family and friends at work - and they wont agree with the mature part lol - but thanks dude. Its so easy for people to read things u do incorrectly - like this post will be translated as ohh she is so humble when thats not the case. Its very easy to mislead pple about your true nature but then ive realised God has placed a veil over us for a reason - if we knew each others sins/ smell their stench - we wudnt have a community, friends so Alhamdulillah for other pple's good opinions.

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salam

Its so easy for people to read things u do incorrectly - like this post will be translated as ohh she is so humble when thats not the case. Its very easy to mislead pple about your true nature but then ive realised God has placed a veil over us for a reason - if we knew each others sins/ smell their stench - we wudnt have a community, friends so Alhamdulillah for other pple's good opinions.

^ nah, I just thought ohh she's acting all mature, when I know she's not! hehehe. Seriously, don't worry about people having misconceptions about you be they good or bad opinions, its an online forum I think we all should realise that we're dealing with peoples' online personna. Even in 'real life' we can't read people correctly as you pointed out, so yeah Alhamdullilah for other people's good opinions!

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Find a woman who has compatible values and goals. That will be best for you and for her.

(salam)

Wonderful advice, sis! Money, you can find easily. So it is not really big problem for a rich/poor boy/girl to marry a rich/poor boy/girl.

I always believe that you need to be first compatible and suitable to each other.

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i am now regarding the poor guy or student as men who have all the other qualities i want except that their poor, well at first i would always say i would always marry a poor student becuz there r not alot of students who r rich:P as for the poor guy i would always marry him only if hes always willing to work hard and help me out, and if thats the case there should be no problem right?

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To me, there's NOTHING more attractive than a good Muslim. In fact, I'd arther marry a poor man who leads a clean life than a rich man who si into drugs, alochol, prostitutes etc,

salaamz

I know of a few good religious men who are not very rich. They have very low paid jobs. They dont have the confidence to approach the families of girls. What is the solution to this problem? How do you find a woman who will accept a poor guy or a student?

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i am now regarding the poor guy or student as men who have all the other qualities i want except that their poor, well at first i would always say i would always marry a poor student becuz there r not alot of students who r rich:P as for the poor guy i would always marry him only if hes always willing to work hard and help me out, and if thats the case there should be no problem right?

I agree with you if by poor you mean relatively less well of in comparison to your financial well-being. It can make a reasonable choice if the less well of guy comes from a respectable family, is educated and trying or at least willing to work his way through the hardships. However, the choice is less likely to be a good one if there is a wide gulf between the socio-economic strata the guy and the girl come from. Such a wide gap often translates into a great deal of difference in the worldviews, preferences and even values of the two entering into marriage. It is likely to cause problems in the future. I believe you should marry a person who, inter alia, comes from a socio-economic background as closer to yours as possible.

Bread, cash, dough, loot, lucre, moolah, readies, the wherewithal - call it whatever you like, money matters.

Btw, inter alia would mean = mental compatibility, shared worldview/interests and that little feeling of likeness or affinity you feel when you are introduced to a potential 'candidate'. It is on you find out if any of these is missing and you should think twice if it does.

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I would rather marry a guy who is poor but religious money to me is nothing! u can be rich one day and poor the next... money doesnt buy u happiness but religion and belief in Allah (swt) will lead to happiness. and u really think that a rich not religious guy would last being rich? i dont think he will!!!!

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Uhhh No...at least I cant

You might not identify with the following philosophy but here goes nothing:

http://www.al-islam.org/nahjul/letters/letter66.htm#letter66

And also

379. Imam Ali, said: 0' son of Adam, livelihood is of two kinds: the livelihood which you seek and the livelihood which seeks you; if you do not reach it, it will come to you Therefore, do not turn your one day's worry into a year's worry. Whatever you get every day should be enough for you for the day. If you have a whole year of your life even then Allah, the Sublime, will give you every next day what He has destined as your share. If you do not have a year in your life then why should you worry for what is not for you. No seeker will reach your livelihood before you nor will anyone overpower you in the matter of livelihood. Similarly, whatever has been destined as your share will not be delayed for you.

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I would rather marry a guy who is poor but religious money to me is nothing! u can be rich one day and poor the next... money doesnt buy u happiness but religion and belief in Allah (swt) will lead to happiness. and u really think that a rich not religious guy would last being rich? i dont think he will!!!!

I warn against romanticizing poverty.

Money brings a big chunk of happiness to humans; it always did.

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(bismillah)

Bro mandate, thank you very much for sharing that wise quote from Imam Ali (as). Subhanallah.

All praise is due to Allah for an amazing man, the worthiest successor of our noble Prophet and a truly wonderful book that thru some mind boggling miracle was preserved without blemish.

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okay but can u guarantee that this money will last?

It usually does. The people who have enough to make a sober life out of it also have the means to retain it. Compare it with the very poor who live a life bound by the shortage of money and often do not have the opportunities to climb up the ladder.

(bismillah)

Thats not necessary.

That generally comes from those who have enough in their pockets. :dry:

Edited by Marbles
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No, that's not true brother. It did not "always" bring happiness. Yes, money does bring happiness in many cases however in a marital life, happiness does not depend on money. Many couples are facing tremendous marital problems and are not happy, living in depression and distress despite how rich(money-wise) they are.

I think you cannot divorce the two. There is a strong relation between financial well-being and satisfactory marital life. But it does not amount to saying that sitting over big balance would preclude you from domestic troubles. No, it wouldn't. But with money you can at least avoid the troubles and unhappiness that result from its shortage. There might be other reasons to be unhappy, totally unrelated with and disconnected to your financial health.

however when you ask for women's opinion whether they want to marry a good man but poor over a bad man but rich , most of them will chose the good one.

I have no issue with that. :)

Money comes and goes, the rich can go poor and the poor can become rich one day, but a evil person does not usually become an angel and the good person does not suddenly become evil.

I have no issue with that either, theoretically.

Edited by Marbles
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I don't think that's true. Have you been married and wealthy, and married and poor? On what evidence do you make this theory?

Actually, I run the risk of being misunderstood because the sense in which I use the word 'poverty' doesn't in any way equal the relative poverty of anyone living in the developed world.

I have no personal experience but I have seen enough to base my theory on.

However I am not asserting that it is always true in all or even majority cases. But it is quite considerable.

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who said that the more money you have the less religious you are and vice versa. Rich and poor people are tested in various ways ... money is a test and being without money is also a test.

It sounds like we have the choice between richness and poverty but in marriage we surely have the choice to whome we should marry to and defintely how much that man has in his pockets matter.

Choosing to be poor is not something easy; by saying poor i mean that the potential husband doesnt have the ability to provide the basic of decent living to his spouse.

Decent living should have the following:

Place

Food

Clothes

Education

Edited by Nadaa
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Choosing to be poor is not something easy;

No one chooses to be poor. Its just that in some people's luck they are destined to be poor no matter how hard they try and by poor we mean hand to mouth. So by your standard, the poor sod can get no wife and he cant even do certain things to himself.

What a life...lol

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No one chooses to be poor. Its just that in some people's luck they are destined to be poor no matter how hard they try and by poor we mean hand to mouth. So by your standard, the poor sod can get no wife and he cant even do certain things to himself.

This is defeatist; succumbing to the easy proposition of kismet which exists nowhere except in minds.

There are other ways of explaining why some utterly poor always remain poor no matter how hard they try.

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This is defeatist; succumbing to the easy proposition of kismet which exists nowhere except in minds.

There are other ways of explaining why some utterly poor always remain poor no matter how hard they try.

I am on clear guidance from my Imam which i have quoted and so i base my views on that. To deem it as defeatist is to deem Imam Ali a coward.

Secondly, not everybody gets the same opportunities. Some guys were absolutely rich and lost all their wealth whole some were mighty poor and made money overnight but its no secret that generally money begets money. The guys who have no money, chances are they will always poor since they dont have the same opportunities as the rich. Imam Ali says whatever rizk Allah has destined for you will reach you regardless of how hard you try or dont.

More important and more valuable than wealth is knowledge. But you will never find knowledge on a wish list of aspirants. A saying from Imam Ali:

O' Kumayl, knowledge is better than wealth. Knowledge guards you, while you have to guard the wealth. Wealth decreases by spending, while knowledge multiplies by spending, and the results of wealth die as wealth decays.

Edited by mandate
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