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In the Name of God بسم الله

Taking another wife if the first wife will be hurt

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Everyone should be careful talking down about polygamy. I'm not saying everyone here is, but some here are. For instance I know a very good alim who has 2 wives and mashallah they get along very well together and I always see them and their kids very happy alhamdullilah. Now I don't know what happens behind the curtains but it's not my place to question.

I'm saying there good people out there who practice polygamy, so let's be wary about badmouthing it, lest we say something we shouldn't be saying, Islamically.

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I don't understand. You are, like Whizbee, me and others, repelled by this rotten smelling ruling but, interestingly, first you doubt the whole thing altogether and entertain the possibility of it bei

^ That's true. Men should show some FIDELITY

Actually you have used lots of my time as well asking me to repeat the same thing over and over. If the man is open about polygamy - that is good and he will attract a like minded person - with an ob

  • Veteran Member
Everyone should be careful talking down about polygamy. I'm not saying everyone here is, but some here are. For instance I know a very good alim who has 2 wives and mashallah they get along very well together and I always see them and their kids very happy alhamdullilah. Now I don't know what happens behind the curtains but it's not my place to question.

I'm saying there good people out there who practice polygamy, so let's be wary about badmouthing it, lest we say something we shouldn't be saying, Islamically.

Inshallah, the alim with two wives is very happy and will continue to be in the future, but I dont know what that has to do with women who have been upset because their entire life and future has been changed without their knowledge and is different from what they thought they agreed to.

Women are just trying to figure out how to understand polygamy. To do this, all options and rights must be considered to see if this fits what is acceptable to them and to remember to clarify this in the marriage contract. There is nothing wrong with gaining greater understanding.

Edited by Maryaam
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Inshallah, the alim with two wives is very happy and will continue to be in the future, but I dont know what that has to do with women who have been upset because their entire life is different from what they thought they agreed to.

Women are just trying to figure out how to understand polygamy. To do this, all options and rights must be considered to see if this fits what is acceptable to them and to remember to clarify this in the marriage contract. There is nothing wrong with gaining greater understanding.

Of course, I never said understanding it more and delving deeper into the subject shouldn't be done, but just that no one should have negative outlook on polygamy in itself. What Muslims do with it is another story, and ultimately is each individual's problem, but the concept of polygamy in itself should always be respected as one of many halal things Allah swt has given us. Did that make sense lol? :Hijabi:

Edited by jund_el_Mahdi
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Of course, I never said understanding it more and delving deeper into the subject shouldn't be done, but just that no one should have negative outlook on polygamy in itself. What Muslims do with it is another story, and ultimately is each individual's problem, but the concept of polygamy in itself should always be respected as one of many halal things Allah swt has given us. Did that make sense lol? :Hijabi:

Polygamy was not being questioned. The woman being part of a polygamous situation that she did not agree to - was being questioned. Apparently, Islamically, she has no say in this and does not need to be informed - as it is the man's right to do this.

But Islam is just in that the women also have rights, strong rights, but maybe some women dont know them or are discouraged from exercising these rights due to ignorance of themselves, their family and/or their husband. So yes it is good to explore and mention these.

Some women may be very happy in a polygamous relationship that they have no say in how many or when or who the other women are, as they they only have one basic obligation to their husband.

It is not unIslamic at all, quite the opposite.

Hope that makes sense :)

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I never said that this statements requires the husband to seek his wife's permission, the point is that there are repercussion for not doing so, which even Islam recognizes.

This is what I am interested in. Can someone get information on this from somewhere.

Say a man takes another wife and the first is not happy. In fact she is furious and begins to act out of jealousy and spite. This woman is now sinning. Her husband has done nothing that is impermissible.

My question is that is the man committing an act of sin?

He has done nothing that is not allowed but he has created a situation in which his wife sinned, which with some forethought he could have avoided. Despite the wife sinning out of emotion, I remember reading a quote by Ali, the first Imam, that women are deficient mentally and ruled by their emotions (if this is a disputed hadith, please tell me).

What I gather from this statement is that the woman may not be held totally accountable for flipping out because she has a pre-inclination to do so. Does this make the man accountable?

tl;dr Is there such a thing as indirect sin?

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Feminism is against Islam because it forces the fallacy of men and women being the same. Islam does not support the fallacy of sameness, but it does support equality.

Muhammad said: "Women are the twin halves of men."

And the Qur'aan as well tells us our wives are created from the same soul as us.

Women and men are the same but by conditioning just as identical twins are the same but by conditioning.

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As salam alaykum,

I find it really disturbing that so many of our brothers insist that a woman's opposition to polygyny always boils down to being overly emotional. A wife is most likely intimately involved and knows very well (sometimes better than the husband because in many households its the woman who does all the financial planning, bill paying etc.) exactly what the family can afford.

A husband may be blinded by his own emotions be they the desire to save some woman and/or her children or simple lust and not take into account the resources (time, money, etc.) that it would take away from a first family. This is an especially important consideration in modernized communities where the nuclear family is all there is for the support of spouses and children, quality educations, good nutrition and safe housing is expensive and in many places there is constant threat to the religion of the children from deceptive unislamic ideologies. A *lot* of investment needs to be made into raising children with taqwa nowadays and if there is little or no support from extended family then its one hell of a burden to lay on a woman while husband goes out to satisfy the needs and desires of another family.

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  • Advanced Member

Bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim,

wa aleikum salam

Its good to ask when when does not know. Did you not know that you can decide youself what you do whit your own halal? That is what common sense is for. Common sense. You decide what you do whit your halal. It yours and belongs to you. Respect that. It is greatest gift of Allah to have intellect and freewill.

Subhan Allah.

Fii iman Allah.

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(salam)

I think many people are missing the point here. This is not a discussion about husband right to a polygamous marriage. The focus here is what are you going to do when one of the partner gets hurt. How do you deal with it. What is the correct Islamic view based on the fatwa from our marje.

Bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim

If wife is hurting herself because of man having second wife, then man sould openly tell her pure intension to her first wife and explane why he is going to have second wife so that fist wife can accept the reason and purpouse intellectually and by her own will. First wife can not make halal to haram, by acting selfish manners. That take humility and wisdom.

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^A marriage isn't just about intellect, it involves feelings too. That's a crucial component of being human. If you deny the existence of feelings or if you acknowledge their existence but don't allow them to have any impact on your decisions, then you've lost your way as a human. When something isn't wajib, and moreover, doing that thing will make you commit a sin (by hurting another's feelings), then I think the answer is pretty clear as to the course of action. Haven't you heard the thing about breaking your non-wajib fast if you are offered food or something along those lines (someone help me out here)?

Edited by BabyBeaverIsAKit
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Bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim

I dont know about you, but I know how to cool my nafs down and humble myself. You took it too far, saying me not human anymore in the principles giving that using intellect to control own selfish desires. That is the whole point of intellect´s and desires go existence Brother, you must know that. Also, you try to paint halal to be black and evil haram. It not fault of righteous when ignorant and arrogant get hurted because of their selfishnes. Only way to solve is to explane own pure intension and remind the purpouse of that new marriage. There is nothing haram done if wife get insulted for husband doing halal. That is good life and order. You think answer is pretty clear, that you cant hurt others feelings, my frend, answer is much more clear to me, that person is not allowed to fight against halal because of own selfish desire, and what, same time accuse husband of being selfish or lusty? That case it would be nonsense and hypocricy at wifes part to act like that. If that happends, that people ask you to eat and they are momins, no problem, but mumin knows that 3 times in a months is part of mumins mustahab devotion and love. But marriage is to be life time, and not to be compaired to one time of braking fast early. The weight is not the same here.

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^A marriage isn't just about intellect, it involves feelings too. That's a crucial component of being human. If you deny the existence of feelings or if you acknowledge their existence but don't allow them to have any impact on your decisions, then you've lost your way as a human.

If a husband marries another wife, there would be no feelings in the man for his first wife or he would not replace her with a younger one - which is the reality of the situation. If the wife has been replaced she needs to accept this, especially if she is not financially independent. She needs to spend 'X' amount of time wallowing in self pity :cry: and then she needs to use the situatation to her advantage :Hijabi: .

She may perhaps go out to work and put all her earnings away, perhaps invest her earnings with other women in properties in joint share type investments - I bet there is a niche in the financial planning market for discrete women held investments.

She needs to put her energies into being cool and logical and think long term...what does she need to live a good quality life? And then, when she has confidence and direction, she will be able to build emotional support systems through friends and family and have a true choice as to whether she wants to remain in the marriage.

If someone cuts you off at the knees - get peglegs!!

Having hurt feelings are self defeating.

Edited by Maryaam
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For a man to have a second wife is allowed and he does not need permission of the first wife. For a wife to have a second husband is called adultery in sharia.

This is what happens when women regard themselves equal to men. Typical westernized women demanding equal rights. Trust and thank Allah for what he has given you otherwise mess up your life by making war with God.

The most dumb argument going on here.

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If a husband marries another wife, there would be no feelings in the man for his first wife or he would not replace her with a younger one -

Bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim

Marrying second wife not have to do anything to dooing whit replacing the first one. Having two wifes is the begining of polygamy and it is the first step that actually brings that to reality. Man can love two womans sincerily whitout it being against other. Love both individuals whitout even thinking to but them to somekind of status contests where they have to fight for his time, but naturally husband really loves both her wifes and want to spend whit them equally time. What ever is the main reason for having second wife, it is common sense that husband have to have pure intension when having second wife, Quran also says that if we fear that we can not do justice for them, -- then only marry one. There should not be anything negative in man having second wife, but long term, it will can create powerfull family whit lots of children around.

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Bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim

Marrying second wife not have to do anything to dooing whit replacing the first one. Having two wifes is the begining of polygamy and it is the first step that actually brings that to reality. Man can love two womans sincerily whitout it being against other. Love both individuals whitout even thinking to but them to somekind of status contests where they have to fight for his time, but naturally husband really loves both her wifes and want to spend whit them equally time. What ever is the main reason for having second wife, it is common sense that husband have to have pure intension when having second wife, Quran also says that if we fear that we can not do justice for them, -- then only marry one. There should not be anything negative in man having second wife, but long term, it will can create powerfull family whit lots of children around.

Great in rhetoric - but not in practice.

We are talking about where the first wife will be hurt by this as she ends up in a marriage NOT of her choosing.

As has been already been pointed out - she will be hurt in many ways emotionally, financially, etc. Of course her life will change immensely with another woman and more children. Resources will be halved.

A women in the West has the expectation that there will not be another wife as it is not legal.

This may create a great situation for the man, but for the woman who is increasingly marginalized, it could be quite the nightmare..

If she does end up in this situation as she neglected to specify monogamy in her marriage contract, she needs to exercise her rights. There are many things women do in marriage out of love and committment and TRUST towards a good marriage, not out of duty. This does not need to continue if blindsided by her husband bringing another woman in her marriage, and she has the right to take care of her own basic needs through other means, if she finds herself trapped in this situation.

Polygamy is fine if both or all partners agree that is what they want. To create a lifelong situation for a woman that she did not agree to is immoral. A man would not like to be treated like this, women are just as human.

Edited by Maryaam
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Bismillah Irrahman Irrahiim,

Recourses will not be nesssarily being halved for the first wife. If man is having own business, then he will not share all his money whit his first wife. He only gives money to his wife according to his own judgement. You are thinking very self centered and from your point of wiev. First principle is that first wife should not be hurted at first place.

To create a lifelong situation for a woman that she did not agree to is immoral.

If woman does not agree to polygamy, then woman is immoral herself.

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Bismillah Irrahman Irrahiim,

Recourses will not be nesssarily being halved for the first wife. If man is having own business, then he will not share all his money whit his first wife. He only gives money to his wife according to his own judgement. You are thinking very self centered and from your point of wiev. First principle is that first wife should not be hurted at first place.

To create a lifelong situation for a woman that she did not agree to is immoral.

If woman does not agree to polygamy, then woman is immoral herself.

LOL I see. :!!!:

So a woman is only receiving a fraction of what the husband could be offering her and possibly her (their) family in the first place. :D Nice.

A woman wanting to be treated as a human is not immoral. She has the right to leave this situation, if she does not agree to it.

If you want it - go for it. Dont drag some unwitting person into your scenario.

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Bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim,

Woman is to be treated justly, and woman who dont accept polygamy is sinner, meaning immoral Sister. What you lol to this matter? Shame on you, yes. Woman is getting benefits from her husband that she can enjoy. Best benefit is the attension that gives wife to space to be who she is freely and feel to be accepted around her husband. That is feeling that is universal to all humans, only thing that makes it special whit spouses is because of their intime relationship and shared home, maybe kids also.

She has the right to leave this situation, if she does not agree to it.

No she dont. She dont have right to live her husband if husband take another wife. That is halal, and if she does that only because of that, then she is doing wrong.

Autubillah.

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^ Nice dispaly of sensationalism. No logic in the post what so ever.

I am a very logical person - but let me spell it out for you vey c-l-e-a-r-l-y.

Polygamy is fine if the wife agrees. She has the basic human right not to spend her life in a situation not of her choosing. AND she has the right to leave if she is trapped against her will.

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LOL I see. :!!!:

So a woman is only receiving a fraction of what the husband could be offering her and possibly her (their) family in the first place. :D Nice.

I don't really see it like that though, and I don't think it's how most families operate. Most of your average man's paycheck is going to be going to pay for things like the mortgage, bills, fuel, food and the occasional expense of things like clothing. It's not like most men are cutting checks for their wives and saying "here you go dear, here's you allowance for this week, go at it." If she needs something, he either buys it for her, or she purchases it from money in a joint account. And, every now and then he may go above and beyond that to buy her some "extras", like some sort of gift to show her his affection (e.g. flowers). So most of the providing he gives for his wife is going to be on this more "unseen" level.

Having a second wife, if he can afford it, will obviously increase his expenses (especially if she will be living in a separate household), but it doesn't really change (again, assuming he can afford this to begin with) the manner of distribution of his pay and what the first (and now second) wife sees of it.

A woman wanting to be treated as a human is not immoral. She has the right to leave this situation, if she does not agree to it.

If you want it - go for it. Dont drag some unwitting person into your scenario.

If he is continuing to provide for her (actual, not imagined) needs, continues to love her in his way and is not doing something like abusing her, or never seeing her, or what you, how is the above situation being inhuman to the first wife?

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Polygamy is fine if both or all partners agree that is what they want. To create a lifelong situation for a woman that she did not agree to is immoral. A man would not like to be treated like this, women are just as human.

I think there is an assumption that the male takes a proactive decision to find another wife and does so for purely personal/selfish reasons.

It may be possible that in some societies it is expected, even natural for some men, e.g. those with the means to take on more than one wife. For example looking at wider society today it is clear to me that a certain percentage of men are losers. They leave their families and responsibilities, they are violent, undomesticated etc. The question then is what happens to their families? Do they continue without a father figure? Is it reasonable to expect a young single man to marry such ladies?

An obvious solution is to have a society where married men with the financial means are willing to marry such women. And let's face it. We can see in many societies over many time periods that socially, economically, politically successful men have often had more than one wife.

Let's be clear about this, there are sacrifices on all parties accounts as a result of this. It's not just, as some sisters here seem to assume, about the male getting more sex. The lady he is marrying is obviously not a 19 year old. The children that he is taking responsibility for are NOT HIS and yet they are treated as HIS children in terms of property rights etc. (AFAIK - happy to be corrected).

Bear in mind that the first wife can focus on her kids and the second wife on hers. It's the male who has to think about kids other than his own. It's a BIG emotional ask for the man IMHO. And certainly one that I would not be happy about.

And of course, in an ideal world the second wife would much prefer to be an only and first wife.

But as I see it - overall society wins. It's like paying tax. No one likes it. But without it, society is worse off.

Overall I think there is too much going on with people looking at issues through a western-centric 21st century lens. Step back. Throw off the cultural baggage you have acquired and try and look at these issues as dispassionately as possible. Bear in mind that looking at marriage as mainly a romantic arrangement is a relatively new innovation. Throughout history there has been far more emphasis, RIGHTLY, on its social, economic and political aspects.

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Bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim,

Woman is to be treated justly, and woman who dont accept polygamy is sinner, meaning immoral Sister. What you lol to this matter? Shame on you, yes. Woman is getting benefits from her husband that she can enjoy. Best benefit is the attension that gives wife to space to be who she is freely and feel to be accepted around her husband. That is feeling that is universal to all humans, only thing that makes it special whit spouses is because of their intime relationship and shared home, maybe kids also.

She has the right to leave this situation, if she does not agree to it.

No she dont. She dont have right to live her husband if husband take another wife. That is halal, and if she does that only because of that, then she is doing wrong.

Autubillah.

The only reasn a woman enters this situation willingly is out of desperation or for MONEY STATUS and LIFESTYLE. Not for reasons of personal attraction to the man or for anything that would be een slightly emotional or humanistic.

And yes women have the right to leave. They are not prisoners. If her needs are not being met to her satisfation, she can leave. If she entered potentially polygamous situation unknowingly, she was probably lied to - I amsure the topic must have been raised - ven f not written down.

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I think there is an assumption that the male takes a proactive decision to find another wife and does so for purely personal/selfish reasons.

It may be possible that in some societies it is expected, even natural for some men, e.g. those with the means to take on more than one wife. For example looking at wider society today it is clear to me that a certain percentage of men are losers. They leave their families and responsibilities, they are violent, undomesticated etc. The question then is what happens to their families? Do they continue without a father figure? Is it reasonable to expect a young single man to marry such ladies?

An obvious solution is to have a society where married men with the financial means are willing to marry such women. And let's face it. We can see in many societies over many time periods that socially, economically, politically successful men have often had more than one wife.

Let's be clear about this, there are sacrifices on all parties accounts as a result of this. It's not just, as some sisters here seem to assume, about the male getting more sex. The lady he is marrying is obviously not a 19 year old. The children that he is taking responsibility for are NOT HIS and yet they are treated as HIS children in terms of property rights etc. (AFAIK - happy to be corrected).

Bear in mind that the first wife can focus on her kids and the second wife on hers. It's the male who has to think about kids other than his own. It's a BIG emotional ask for the man IMHO. And certainly one that I would not be happy about.

And of course, in an ideal world the second wife would much prefer to be an only and first wife.

But as I see it - overall society wins. It's like paying tax. No one likes it. But without it, society is worse off.

Overall I think there is too much going on with people looking at issues through a western-centric 21st century lens. Step back. Throw off the cultural baggage you have acquired and try and look at these issues as dispassionately as possible. Bear in mind that looking at marriage as mainly a romantic arrangement is a relatively new innovation. Throughout history there has been far more emphasis, RIGHTLY, on its social, economic and political aspects.

I agree. Great altruism and great solution - I think in the distant past this was done with the best of intentions and presumably ALL parites woud know what they are entering into. But we are talking a thousand years ago.

Men today do not marry widows, orphans and abandoned women. They take on women that please them personally.

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If woman does not agree to polygamy, then woman is immoral herself.

You were making polygamy sound like WAJIB back there no offense.

As for the quoted post: Then why is a woman allowed to put a condition in her marriage contract about polygamy if its something 'immoral'? I have nothing against Polygamy. If someone can be just with all wives then sure go ahead but for me 'being just' includes first wife's feelings. I think it would be way better if the first wife is satisfied with it.

and shoot me for this but a sensible woman, who is going to become a man's polygamy will herself make sure the first wife doesn't have a problem with it before stepping into such a marriage. If a woman doesn't care for another woman's feeling then who will. So ladies, the solution is with you.

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I am a very logical person - but let me spell it out for you vey c-l-e-a-r-l-y.

Polygamy is fine if the wife agrees. She has the basic human right not to spend her life in a situation not of her choosing. AND she has the right to leave if she is trapped against her will.

Sure you are. And I agree, women have both the rights you just stated.

Polygamy is a God-given right for men. No-one can take it away, just like those two rights you just stated. Surely, to disagree with it is to disagree with God's 'adl and wisdom?

To classify a woman who does NOT agree with a man's God-given right, and to do away with it, as wanting to be treated as "human" is NOT logical. It's sensationalistic. It's the sort of thing feminists would use against Islam's laws.

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I don't really see it like that though, and I don't think it's how most families operate. Most of your average man's paycheck is going to be going to pay for things like the mortgage, bills, fuel, food and the occasional expense of things like clothing. It's not like most men are cutting checks for their wives and saying "here you go dear, here's you allowance for this week, go at it." If she needs something, he either buys it for her, or she purchases it from money in a joint account. And, every now and then he may go above and beyond that to buy her some "extras", like some sort of gift to show her his affection (e.g. flowers). So most of the providing he gives for his wife is going to be on this more "unseen" level.

Having a second wife, if he can afford it, will obviously increase his expenses (especially if she will be living in a separate household), but it doesn't really change (again, assuming he can afford this to begin with) the manner of distribution of his pay and what the first (and now second) wife sees of it.

If he is continuing to provide for her (actual, not imagined) needs, continues to love her in his way and is not doing something like abusing her, or never seeing her, or what you, how is the above situation being inhuman to the first wife?

You are not feeding a pet. You have entered into an agreement with another human being who has agreed to a certain living situation. If you change that situation against her wishes, you are hurting her - would you like someone to force you into a living situation that you had not agreed to??

Sure you are. And I agree, women have both the rights you just stated.

Polygamy is a God-given right for men. No-one can take it away, just like those two rights you just stated. Surely, to disagree with it is to disagree with God's 'adl and wisdom?

To classify a woman who does NOT agree with a man's God-given right, and to do away with it, as wanting to be treated as "human" is NOT logical. It's sensationalistic. It's the sort of thing feminists would use against Islam's laws.

Woman have the right to say no. You cannot take that away. Just because it is halal does not mean she has to agree to it. Practise your God given right with someone who agrees to meeting your rights...not to someone who doesnt.

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Men today do not marry widows, orphans and abandoned women. They take on women that please them personally.

Good to know someone is compiling the statistics.

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You were making polygamy sound like WAJIB back there no offense.

As for the quoted post: Then why is a woman allowed to put a condition in her marriage contract about polygamy if its something 'immoral'? I have nothing against Polygamy. If someone can be just with all wives then sure go ahead but for me 'being just' includes first wife's feelings. I think it would be way better if the first wife is satisfied with it.

and shoot me for this but a sensible woman, who is going to become a man's polygamy will herself make sure the first wife doesn't have a problem with it before stepping into such a marriage. If a woman doesn't care for another woman's feeling then who will. So ladies, the solution is with you.

The second woman may not know of the first. There have been posts on here of women in these situations.

Polygamy is fine if it meets the needs of all. My mom spends a lot of time in the GC and has friends in polygamous situations - they marry to improve their situation through money and status. It sounds kind of mercenary, but both the man and the woman are aware of the reasons for marriage and enter into it with full knowledge.

Good to know someone is compiling the statistics.

You are a reasonable man and you know this is true. Men promoting polygamy under the mantra that it takes care of the widows and orphans are living in La La land.

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Woman have the right to say no. You cannot take that away. Just because it is halal does not mean she has to agree to it. Practise your God given right with someone who agrees to meeting your rights...not to someone who doesnt.

Ofcourse they can say no. But it has to be a 'no' before they marry, not after. I wouldn't want to marry someone who disagrees to polygamy in the first place, tells alot about them.

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You are not feeding a pet. You have entered into an agreement with another human being who has agreed to a certain living situation. If you change that situation against her wishes, you are hurting her - would you like someone to force you into a living situation that you had not agreed to??

Where did you get that from?? In terms of monetary requirements (what you were mentioning) what I stated was exactly how most families operate in the real world (if it's only the man who is working). She's not a pet, but neither is she a goddess deserving of a man's undivided adoration and worship. Treat her well, provide for her needs, and yes, love her, and I fail to see the inhumanity of that. In terms of being "forced" into a living situation she's not agreed to, well as a Muslim she should have realized from the get go that her husband might very well do that one day, and not live in a delusional "for me and me alone" mentality with regards to her spouse's affection. Men just are _not_ like that. If they say otherwise, they are generally lying. Even if he never does anything about it, he is very likely going to desire after other women.

Now as to the man's end of it, like I mentioned earlier in this thread I doubt most men would want to be living with a miserable woman. Even though he bears no legal responsibility in terms of having her "permission" and such, still it makes good common sense to approach the issue carefully and with due consideration, for both their (and whatever children's) goods. Bottom line is that there should have been a common understanding from earlier on with regards to this matter, and it should not be coming out as some later bombshell. Sadly though, many Muslims today are not entering marriage with that idea, but instead are viewing marriage through modern day fantasy lenses (which usually fall apart eventually, leading to much misery), and are even going so far as putting immoral conditions in the contract forbidding this. Yes, I did say immoral, give me a bit and in sha Allah I'll give further explanation of that.

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Ofcourse they can say no. But it has to be a 'no' before they marry, not after. I wouldn't want to marry someone who disagrees to polygamy in the first place, tells alot about them.

It does tell a lot about the woman and for her tells me a lot about the man.

Make sure that your wife to be is in agreement before you marry. It is only right that you inform her of your intentions. Then no one will be hurt unnecessarily.

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You were making polygamy sound like WAJIB back there no offense.

Bismillahi Irrahman Irrahiim

No, polygamy its not wajib. Marriage contract can be writen in many ways. It is agreement of two, and there can be many different rules that they agree before taking nikah.

Ofcourse they can say no. But it has to be a 'no' before they marry, not after. I wouldn't want to marry someone who disagrees to polygamy in the first place, tells alot about them.

Yes, Brother is right. She have to have this marriage condition before they marry, not after. After marriage it is anatural right of man to have second wife. Allahu akbar.

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Bottom line is that there should have been a common understanding from earlier on with regards to this matter, and it should not be coming out as some later bombshell.

I believe that was the point of this thread.

I dont know women who view themselves as goddesses - just women who want to be treated fairly and be loved by the man they marry, have a family and grow old together being cared for through all lifes circumstances and to do that in return. wome invest a lot of themselves into a marriage and deserve to know the intentions of their husband to be.

If a man feels his needs would not be met with one wife he needs to express this openly. Women should not be led into a situation that would be unacceptable to them.

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It does tell a lot about the woman and for her tells me a lot about the man.

Make sure that your wife to be is in agreement before you marry. It is only right that you inform her of your intentions. Then no one will be hurt unnecessarily.

I already said that I would check if my future wife is going to agree with polygamy. You don't have to tell me, dammit.

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