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Iraqi2007

anger--jealousy

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salam

okay here is the story i have just heard that one of my friend is getting married and i'm just experiencing alot of different feelings. u see this girl isnt all that great (Islamic) and i really dont know if i should be happy for her or angry and jealous that she is having what i always wanted. so i dont know have any of u guys experienced something like this and if soooo what have u done to change..

again i am not a vicious friend it just i know how she is and i tried to talk to my mom about it maybe just to get it out of my system but she keeps telling me your jealous am I? i really dont know i have so many feelings that i cant tell them apart. lol werid but how can i get rid of these feelings are there any dua's or anything plz advice me plz

ma3salma

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You're totally right. I feel this way sometimes too. I would have been married a long time ago if I had given up hijab (half the proposals I get are from guys who don't want their spouses to be covered). Or at the least, I could have had some boyfriends to tide me over until I could get married. I have already decided though, that once I hit age 30, I'm giving up hijab so I can get married. Either that, or I'm marrying a Sunni guy.

Edited by Muslimtothecore

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salam everyone, i hope u will be able to read this asap. i go to islamic school and one of my teachers showed us how to take the jealousy test. u wait until one something nice happens to them and they tell u about it. it u r happy for them then alhamollilah u have a clean heart, but if u are made or angry cuz that happpened to them then u have made a sin(hasad). inshallah u will change and make dua'a for ur friend.

one story that i really want to share with u guys is that today 5/5/09 in 2nd hr my friend told me that she got engaged and alhamdollah i felt so happy, i even told her that. i felt that something good had happened to me.

inshallah this helps u! ur muslim sis

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You're totally right. I feel this way sometimes too. I would have been married a long time ago if I had given up hijab (half the proposals I get are from guys who don't want their spouses to be covered). Or at the least, I could have had some boyfriends to tide me over until I could get married. I have already decided though, that once I hit age 30, I'm giving up hijab so I can get married. Either that, or I'm marrying a Sunni guy.

please my friend u have to listen if u r a shia dont make the biggest mistake of u r life. please make dua'a and ask that a true muslim guy comes and asks for ur hand, tell me what happens if anything does.

ur, shia sis

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You're totally right. I feel this way sometimes too. I would have been married a long time ago if I had given up hijab (half the proposals I get are from guys who don't want their spouses to be covered). Or at the least, I could have had some boyfriends to tide me over until I could get married. I have already decided though, that once I hit age 30, I'm giving up hijab so I can get married. Either that, or I'm marrying a Sunni guy.

facepalm.jpg

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If something good happens in someones life that means that God has let it happen......he blesses and helps everyone who deserves it...even those who don't deserve it he helps them too!

Don't be jealous, say Alhamdulillah and always remind yourself in your head to keep saying masha'Allah...your time will come...but The Satan wants you to be real mad and in turn start blaming God for not letting it be YOU .....REMEMBER SHAYTAAN IS OUT TO GET YOU AND YOU ARE AT YOUR MOST VULNERABLE WHEN YOU DON'T REMEMBER GOD IN SITUATIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!

'LOVE FOR YOUR BROTHER WHAT YOU WOULD LOVE FOR YOURSELF' well in this case sister innit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and 'JUND EL MAHDI' stop tryin to steal my picture captions...I use that one all the time! Find your own style you iran rider

QUOTE (Muslimtothecore @ May 5 2009, 08:44 PM)

You're totally right. I feel this way sometimes too. I would have been married a long time ago if I had given up hijab (half the proposals I get are from guys who don't want their spouses to be covered). Or at the least, I could have had some boyfriends to tide me over until I could get married. I have already decided though, that once I hit age 30, I'm giving up hijab so I can get married. Either that, or I'm marrying a Sunni guy.

Let us know when you hit 30 sista...so then I can tell the mods to change your name to APOSTATETOTHECORE

hehehehehe

Edited by SO SOLID SHIA

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and 'JUND EL MAHDI' stop tryin to steal my picture captions...I use that one all the time! Find your own style you iran rider

What you mean, thousands of people on the net use that picture. I've been using it for years...

Edited by jund_el_Mahdi

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They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, brother.

I guess you're right smiley person, but you see it's not really flattering,because these copycatters come out with things like this :

What you mean, thousands of people on the net use that picture. I've been using it for years...

YA GET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING

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Just curious, how is removing your hijab going to help you to find a suitable man? If you think its perfectly ok to marry a guy who wants a woman only for her looks, you better do it now and not wait until you are 30. If you remove hijab, all the religious guys will not be interested in you.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, brother.

seriously this has got to stop, if u think taking off ur scarf will help u in life, then think again. once a man notices u r an easy target then he will take control of u.. the hijab is created to protect woman. ur time will come u just have to be patient. if u take off ur scarf deep inside mens hearts u will be viewed as a traiter to ur religion. i dont mean to be mean but i just want u to know the truth from ur muslim sis

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I guess you're right smiley person, but you see it's not really flattering,because these copycatters come out with things like this :

YA GET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING

who ever put this needs to think twice before they act, hello we r all muslims, i would expect this from a sunni not a shia.

peace

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^^

hello we r all muslims, i would expect this from a sunni not a shia

:lol: so we are all muslims.........but you would expect this from a sunni not a shia ! so are sunnis and shias not muslims????

enjoy_the_silence_by_wickednox.jpg

.................right okay so Iraqi2007 insha'Allah I hope you are slowly (preferably swiftly) being happy for your friend. Don't watch what the next person get's because then you will never be happy in your life, even if you do get something you've wanted for a long time, you will be too busy comparing what you have with other people ya get me! And that's when man/woman becomes arrogant and selfish and greedy and jealous and ....various other things that our smokeless fire unwanted companion loves then he puts a noose round your neck and will always make you complain and never be happy!

FORCE YOURSELF TO SAY MASHALLAH...........THAT'S WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY BLOODY HELL

Edited by SO SOLID SHIA

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^^

:lol: so we are all muslims.........but you would expect this from a sunni not a shia ! so are sunnis and shias not muslims????

enjoy_the_silence_by_wickednox.jpg

.................right okay so Iraqi2007 insha'Allah I hope you are slowly (preferably swiftly) being happy for your friend. Don't watch what the next person get's because then you will never be happy in your life, even if you do get something you've wanted for a long time, you will be too busy comparing what you have with other people ya get me! And that's when man/woman becomes arrogant and selfish and greedy and jealous and ....various other things that our smokeless fire unwanted companion loves then he puts a noose round your neck and will always make you complain and never be happy!

FORCE YOURSELF TO SAY MASHALLAH...........THAT'S WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY BLOODY HELL

salam, i meant to put my quote on the person who wrote what kind os shia are u: a dog.... but u would expect this from a sunni cuz they r always makin fun of shia's and sayin they r not muslims when in reality their behavoir doesn't show that a mslims acts this way. i hope i have answered ur ?.

peace

thank u guys all wallah u all helped in so many ways inshallah i will try to stop this bad habit keep me in your prayer

salam, iraqi2007 im glad to hear that u have changed and dont be sad because Allah inshallah will bless u with the perfect husband, and inshallah u will become a good wife. tell me when u get engaged i want to say congrats.

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Salams,

If you want to have your hopes fulfilled by Allah(s.w.a), it is very important that you get rid of any sort of jelously that you may have in this regard.

Noone knows what is in your heart, so noone except you knows how serious of a problem this is. The thing is, jelously is a very serious issue as it can grow from something small and end up destroying your Iman completely.

Muhammad ibn Muslim reports that al-Imam al-Baqir (A) said:

"A man may be forgiven for something done in a fit of anger; but envy devours faith as fire consumes wood."

So it important to remember that Allah(s.w.a) is the owner of everything (Malik Al Mulk), and He(s.w.a) distributes it to his servants as He wills.

I have found certain verses in the Quran that will help in overcoming jelously. Amoung the best ones is Surat Ale Al Imran, verses 26-27

Þõáö Çááøóåõãøó ãóÇáößó Çáúãõáúßö ÊõÄúÊöí Çáúãõáúßó ãóä ÊóÔóÇÁ æóÊóäÒöÚõ Çáúãõáúßó ãöãøóä ÊóÔóÇÁ æóÊõÚöÒøõ ãóä ÊóÔóÇÁ æóÊõÐöáøõ ãóä ÊóÔóÇÁ ÈöíóÏößó ÇáúÎóíúÑõ Åöäøóßó Úóáóìó ßõáøö ÔóíúÁò ÞóÏöíÑñ

3:26 (Asad) SAY: "O God, Lord of all dominion! Thou grantest dominion unto whom Thou willest, and takest away dominion from whom Thou willest; and Thou exaltest whom Thou willest, and abasest whom Thou willest. In Thy hand is all good. Verily, Thou hast the power to will anything.

ÊõæáöÌõ Çááøóíúáó Ýöí ÇáúäøóåóÇÑö æóÊõæáöÌõ ÇáäøóåóÇÑó Ýöí Çááøóíúáö æóÊõÎúÑöÌõ ÇáúÍóíøó ãöäó ÇáúãóíøöÊö æóÊõÎúÑöÌõ ÇáóãóíøóÊó ãöäó ÇáúÍóíøö æóÊóÑúÒõÞõ ãóä ÊóÔóÇÁ ÈöÛóíúÑö ÍöÓóÇÈò

"Thou makest the night grow longer by shortening the day, and Thou makest the day grow longer by shortening the night. And Thou bringest forth the living out of that which is dead, and Thou bringest forth the dead out of that which is alive. And Thou grantest sustenance unto whom `Thou willest, beyond all reckoning."

Also, if you have time and energy Dua Jawsha Al Saghreer is very effective at getting rid of this.

http://www.duas.org/jsagheer.htm

Also, like the sis Smiley said, try to keep your hopes up, keep smiling and have a positive attitude. The most attractive thing in a women is good manners and the light of Iman in her face. At least these are the most attractive things to a mumin guy. As for the non mumin guy, you are better off without them.

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Just curious, how is removing your hijab going to help you to find a suitable man? If you think its perfectly ok to marry a guy who wants a woman only for her looks, you better do it now and not wait until you are 30. If you remove hijab, all the religious guys will not be interested in you.

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, brother.

All guys want is a girl that attracts them before marriage. And it's a lot easier to look like a knock out when you can show what you've got than when you can't. I care NOW that religious guys are interested in me. At 30, I'm not going to be caring if religious guys are interested in me, I'm just going to be thinking that I have a very limited amount of time left to propagate my genes before my eggs grow too old. I can always put it back on after marriage, guys are usually okay with that.

Trust me, I don't advocate jealousy. And I know I would seriously consider taking all these drastic measures to reproduce because at a certain point I think a girl has to look to her own happiness, and d****mit, I want kids!

I'm getting warned, aren't I.

Edited by Muslimtothecore

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I don't quite understand jealousy. Why do you care so much? What's going on in her life isn't any of your business and you have no bearing on what she does.

Indifference is the key to comfort. When you place too much emphasis on this life, you tend to get jealous. Try not to place so much emphasis on the 70-some years you're getting here.

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(salam)

salam

okay here is the story i have just heard that one of my friend is getting married and i'm just experiencing alot of different feelings.

Jealousey and anger are diseases of the soul and will do you more harm than good. It may be normal to have these feelings initially but don't harbour them but rather resist them. If you are a true friend to this person you shouldn't harbour such feelings. Don't be selfish but be patient and seek Allah's favour and insha'Allah you will get it. Sometimes it takes time to receive His favour - nothing happens instantaneousely. This time is a way of making us stronger and hence is a blessing in disguise, if only we knew.

All guys want is a girl that attracts them before marriage. And it's a lot easier to look like a knock out when you can show what you've got than when you can't. I care NOW that religious guys are interested in me.

This is not rational thinking. It's true that most guys, religious or not, desire attractive companions for marriage. However, this itself is also not the sole criteria. An attractive woman who lacks religiousity, among other things, is not rated by most religious guys. Hence, by sacrificing one important quality (piety) for another even less important quality (beauty) you will not necessarily attract the decent religious guys that are your objective. This exercise is hence counterproductive as you will instead only attract vain and non-religious men.

A Muslima can still be very attractive in hijab. Hijab and beauty are not mutually exclusive. The difference in beauty between a Muhajaba and non-Muhajaba is that the former offers a dignified beauty while the latter might possess a lustful beauty. Hence, when choosing between the two a man is more likely to make the rational and objective decision - for the long-term - where lust is not an influencing factor.

APBA

Edited by MajiC

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"I don't quite understand jealousy. Why do you care so much? What's going on in her life isn't any of your business and you have no bearing on what she does.

Indifference is the key to comfort. When you place too much emphasis on this life, you tend to get jealous. Try not to place so much emphasis on the 70-some years you're getting here."

wow thats what i needed to hear thanks but i am sure u have experienced jealousy before everyone does i am not the only one

Edited by Iraqi2007

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All guys want is a girl that attracts them before marriage. And it's a lot easier to look like a knock out when you can show what you've got than when you can't. I care NOW that religious guys are interested in me. At 30, I'm not going to be caring if religious guys are interested in me, I'm just going to be thinking that I have a very limited amount of time left to propagate my genes before my eggs grow too old. I can always put it back on after marriage, guys are usually okay with that.

Trust me, I don't advocate jealousy. And I know I would seriously consider taking all these drastic measures to reproduce because at a certain point I think a girl has to look to her own happiness, and d****mit, I want kids!

I'm getting warned, aren't I.

Salam,

I wud have to agree with you on dis. The reason y so many shia girls r not doing hijab is cuz our men don't want them to do so. Most of the shia men are not attracted to hijabis.

I've seen moms asking their daughters to quit wearing hijab cuz they wont get any proposals... and they r right cuz if you do hijab your chances of getting proposals decline. .. how sad is dat!

With that said, there are girls in our community who wudn't do hijab no matter what !

just be patitent and be proud of urself.

WS

Edited by dan_rafi

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Are you planning to raise your children on your own? If not, then you need to consider the character of the man you marry. If he only wants you for your looks, do you really think he's going to care about feeding, clothing, sheltering, and emotionally supporting you and HIS children after your hair turns gray and you get wrinkles?

u r making it sound like as if a guy who wants to marry a beautiful girl is marrying her just cuz of her looks. Das not true!

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Well obviously if he's willing to marry her one would HOPE he's considered other aspects of her character too. However, the sister seems to feel that breeding is the important thing, and doesn't much seem to care who she breeds with. With that attitude, it's unlikely she's going to end up with the cream of the crop.

Furthermore, which is more attractive to men: a cynical, wrinkled, gray haired old woman, or a healthy hijabi with a cheerful disposition?

Guys, relax. That is plan B not A! I expect to NEVER EVER (inshallah) have to go to plan B. With this reaction, I'm glad I didn't tell you plan C lol.

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Guys, relax. That is plan B not A! I expect to NEVER EVER (inshallah) have to go to plan B. With this reaction, I'm glad I didn't tell you plan C lol.

lol... it's always gr8 to have backup plans in place :P

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I think a 30-some year old divorced women is less intimidating for a man than a cute young hijabi.

I don't think it's merely a case of being intimidating because of their youth and looks. The problem with these cute young hijabis, is that they are dreadfully immature, and consequently difficult to deal with. You know if you want to marry them, you have to be patient with the learning curve that comes with being in a relationship that doesn't involve vampires or whatver.

The 30+ divorcee on the other hand has been through it all, and you can just relax and talk to them like normal human beings (or as close to normal human being as women can be*)

*don't kill me.

Edited by Dirac Delta function

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I don't think it's merely a case of being intimidating because of their youth and looks. The problem with these cute young hijabis, is that they are dreadfully immature, and consequently difficult to deal with.

Life is sooooo hard. :cry:

You know if you want to marry them, you have to be patient with the learning curve that comes with being in a relationship that doesn't involve vampires or whatver.

vampires? :unsure:

Then - GET THIS - the man said "How about if we get married but never live together, then it won't matter that your son doesn't like me? I can continue to live in my city, and you can continue to live here, and we can just meet up occasionally to do what married people do."
I have met men like this as well :P
:o :mad:

So I left.

Like I said, plenty of unsuitable proposals anyway. What's up with that?

:!!!:

Plenty of unsuitable people. At least you have the Smiley filter now. :)

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^I was 30 when I STARTED wearing hijab :Hijabi:

And I have never gotten so many proposals in my life as since I started wearing hijab! It is actually annoying! Even once a random stranger proposed to me!

One reason hijab is not for everyone. :D Some girls look too cutie pies with hijab than without. :blush:

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^:donno:

Pretty sure. . . . .:Hijabi:

Theeeere you see. Things are not always as they seem, sister.

Expect a knock on your door in half an hours time.

A cup of tea with some cookies will do. :P

And yea, don't forget to put on your hijab. :!!!:

Edited by Marbles

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OMG! :!!!: You're the Hi-nice-to-meet-you-I'm-new-in-town-will-you-marry-me shop guy, aren't you? How did you find out where I live? Have you been following me?

So there was a knock at the door. I peered out through the window. It was a Desi guy with a British accent. He said "Haloooo! I'm loooking for Smiley!" I said "No hablo Anglais. Smiley no está aquí. Casa equivocada!" then I hid in the bathroom until he left.

:!!!:

Just kidding, seriously. I'm making all this up. I don't even speak Spanish.

So. . . you mean. . .shuckssss :squeez: YOUUUUUU you put up this ghastly Spanish accent to fool me? I really thought I was at the wrong door. :no:

THAT'S NOT FAIR :angry:

My tea. . .my cookies. . .my cakesssss. . .my. . . .:P

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