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In the Name of God بسم الله
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sjpeters79

Need advice

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Salaam,

I need some advice.

I do not wish to go into too many details but would generally like to know if it's alright to speak to more than one person at a time in regards to marriage. It's something I've thinking about for sometime. I've talked to some people individually over a long period of time about marriage that never resulted in anything. What are your thoughts in regard to this?

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I guess its ok

but just dont fall 4 both & if the guys/girls u r talking 2 abt marriage r open minded tell em that u r looking @ ur options so if they knew abt each other they wont they were decived or something

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(salam)

What do you mean by talking to one person at a time? You don't mean dating? Since we are encouraged to lower our gazes, we need to conduct ourself properly and don't fall into any kind of haram activities.

If you are seriously looking for a husband/wife, probably it's a good idea to consider each of the candidate impartially.

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salam sis,

I dont see anything wrong with considering multiple people at once, and it makes sense practically too I guess because you can instantly know what you want and what you dont want and who out of the handful suits you best...but I would still advise you not to give up hope on the individual consideration vs multiple...I think with multiple, and I say this from experience, its hard to get to know each person fully, and you might miss something about them that could potentially have been a deal maker.

Also, I know how hard it can be to go back to individual consideration because in the past it was less than fruitful, but its still the best way to go about it.

So to answer your question, no, there is nothing wrong with it, as long as you give each the full attention they deserve. Best of luck,

wasalam

basha

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for a woman its not healthy to talk to more than one man at once because the woman is monogamous and is only allowed to marry one husband. The man can marry more than one wife so its okay for him to study a few at a time.

You can speed the process of studying the men and eliminating them quicker rather than engaging with too many simultaneously and listen to the prophets advice

whoever came to you , you accept their manners and religion then marry him

Edited by alimohamad40

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I personally think that to talk to more than one person at any given time in the hope of finding a suitable spouse in a shorter period is unfair to the others. If I were talking to a man, knowing that he was talking to other women at the same time, I would not want to stick around any longer than I would have to. It makes him seem desperate, and even though there is nothing binding us together, I would feel cheated on - in one way or another. As someone suggested above; if you realise or feel that things are not going to eventuate between yourself and that person, don't carry the relationship any further. That way, you can search for other options, without having to feel guilty of being a 'player'.

Edited by Hanan

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for a woman its not healthy to talk to more than one man at once because the woman is monogamous and is only allowed to marry one husband. The man can marry more than one wife so its okay for him to study a few at a time.

(salam)

This is the exact reason why you should be diversifying your option. If the man is only looking at you as his second, third or fourth option then you should definitely NOT be paying him any attention and move to better options.

Remember, the only time you have a choice is when you are unmarried. If you lower your gaze and conduct yourself respectfully, then you are free to select any of the man/woman.

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