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I have a girlfriend..

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You guys are nuts. This is a young muslim kid falling into the behavioural norm of a young non muslim kid. Whats "Mut'a" got to do with it?

(bismillah)

(salam)

Read the Op: I am a 18 year old and I have a problem...I have met this girl, also a Muslim,. The Mut'a is good here to development his relationship with Halal ways before taking one step (example) to Marry her fully or make mistakes.

Edited by Zufa

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Salam Alykum.

I am a 18 year old and I have a problem...

I have met this girl, also a Muslim, about 3 months ago and we became friends fast. We just talked on the phone a lot and over yahoo. A month after we were friends I had asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. Its been 3 months now and we are still going out.

I try to be a "good" Muslim. I go to the mosque every saturday for youth class, I pray everyday, I fast in Ramadan, etc. This girl is the first girlfriend I have ever had.

I only touched her once and it was holding her hand. I haven't kissed her or anything like that.

But in my head I know its haraam but the thing is I love this girl a lot. I have never had a girl like me as much as this girl and she likes me for who I am. She accepts me for how I look and how I act which seems like every other girl doesn't because I'm not too "good looking" or don't have the best personality or what ever.

This girl makes me happy. I can honestly say this girl has made this year one of the best years of my life. I am happy being with her. I am happy being myself with her.

I just don't know what to do...

I don't want to lose her because she means a lot to me and she is a best friend to me....

Umm so let me get it straight. You are a person who tries to be a good muslim. You go to the mosque and you pray and even observe fast in ramdhan. But then you meet a girl, fall for her looks, start using the U-fone night package to chat with a gal and later ask her to be your girl friend :huh:

After considering your circumstances in much detail, I have decided to reccommend you a Pakistani rehab treatment. I am sure it will work wonders:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pn1DZ4CmSdk

Fi-Amanillah

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alsalam alaikum

Anyone who takes a girl friend and doesnt do mut3a with her is a scum because mut3a is so easy its two sentences.

Yes your a scum whoever accepts to be in this fornication lifestyle is a complete scum.

What do two sentences do to you, you ugly formicators? fornication of the hands and fornication of the eyes lead to the next level which is the real forincation which then you would deserve lashing...

You met her for two times and you already holding hands what wil happen after two years of this ugly lifestyle?

and dont give me the nonesense about the father's permission because she doesnt need it as she is allready falling into sin.

" if she is afraid of falling into sin then the fathers permission is not required"

i bet you she will not take her fathers permission when she forincates but when she is getting married "oh its a big drama , the father's permission"

who should be respected more your father or GOD almighty ?

its a big shame that we have topics like this and whats worse is the replies ,,,, all the personal stories of living in the scum lifestyle for years...

instead of having a consistancy of tellign him " do mut3a do mut3a"

" oh i am also scum like you for two years" what kind of advice is this ?

Edited by alimohamad40

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(salam)

Many people gave very nice suggestions. I know it will be hard to follow some of these advices.

At 18, it will be hard to get married. It will be hard to let your girl friend go.

Some folks propose you do Muta as not to be sinning. This is a worse idea. With Muta (even if become legitimate due to a need in your case) you are actually opening a can of worm. Rather than controlling yourselves, you guys are going to find more creative way to be alone.

The best idea is not to go out on a date or be alone with her.

Just keep your relationship to emails and instant messaging or phone (at worse). Have you consider moving out of town and turn this relationship into a long distance one? :D That might work to.

Ask yourselves this question, do you wanna have a relationship with a girl who is not your wife? You know you can't possible do that. So either keep it slow or get married permanently.

Edited by Zareen

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Salaam.

Contract Mut'ah as soon as possible, because this is clearly a case of the horny toads!

Moreover, Ayatollah Jannaati (r.a.) does not require the permission of the girl's father for Mut'ah. This is also the view of the past scholar Allamah Najafi (r.a.) and others...

So if your Marja says that his ruling on Mut'ah requiring consent is based on obligatory precaution, go ahead and follow Jannaati (r.a.) if it will clear you of possible sinning. That's the priority right now.

- Mansab

Edited by mansab.jafri

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:blink: Is that all you guys think about, MUTAH? I thought freaks at my school were bad because of their behavior, and then there's all these SC's doing mutah (consistently) and recommending it to others. Scary, weird, annoying, whatever it is its unusual to me :wacko:

Please feel free to ignore my post, because I have no idea why I'm writing it anyways...

Umm so let me get it straight. You are a person who tries to be a good muslim. You go to the mosque and you pray and even observe fast in ramdhan. But then you meet a girl, fall for her looks, start using the U-fone night package to chat with a gal and later ask her to be your girl friend :huh:

After considering your circumstances in much detail, I have decided to reccommend you a Pakistani rehab treatment. I am sure it will work wonders:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pn1DZ4CmSdk

Fi-Amanillah

hahaha this is funny, but don't you think it's kinda harsh?? :P

Edited by yafatimaalzahra

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Mutah Sucks for every reasons

Something that was brought by our Prophet (pbuh) and endorsed by our Imams (as) "sucks"? Do you think the sunnah of Umer is better? If not mutah what should a guy unable to marry do, masturbate? Fornicate? Pave a path to hell simply because some narrow-minded culturalists see it in an unfavorable light?

I really don't understand some of you people. Thank Allah we belong to a faith that understands our human needs. Its just the followers that make things difficult.

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(salam)

Brothers, you don't wanna mess-up some sisters life just because you are horny. The issue of Virginity and it's impact http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=52582

Thank you so much for posting this. Men need to think of the real consequences to a virgin girl and to her family, not just their own immediate sense of gratification. Some girls are needy and not so strong, so men need to step it up and be even stronger in this situation...not work to find loopholes around the father's permission.

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(salam)

Brothers, you don't wanna mess-up some sisters life just because you are horny. The issue of Virginity and it's impact http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=52582

Thank you so much for posting this. Men need to think of the real consequences to a virgin girl and to her family, not just their own immediate sense of gratification. Some girls are needy and not so strong, so men need to step it up and be even stronger in this situation...not work to find loopholes around the father's permission.

Salaam.

Very good points.

Also I find it worrying that not seeking a virgin's father's permission is being promoted in this thread.

Hassan.

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Salaam.

Very good points.

Also I find it worrying that not seeking a virgin's father's permission is being promoted in this thread.

Hassan.

As do I. I'm a big advocate for mut'a, but in the right context. People need to be sensible about it, and put the welfare of the girl above their personal gratification.

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Indeed, I am not advocating sleeping around with virgin girls... there are consequences with every action in this world.

Also I find it worrying that not seeking a virgin's father's permission is being promoted in this thread.

It's a fiqh issue, and Ayatollah Jannaati (r.a.) and most classical scholars were of this opinion.

- Mansab

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Indeed, I am not advocating sleeping around with virgin girls... there are consequences with every action in this world.

It's a fiqh issue, and Ayatollah Jannaati (r.a.) and most classical scholars were of this opinion.

- Mansab

Yeah, but you have to be careful what you say bro, I know you had good intentions.

But a lot of teens these days look for any excuse, the father permission rule would have saved many a girl from male manipulation. We should promote it is as the current valid opinion, rather that propogate a minority view 'loophole.'

WaSalaam.

Hassan.

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Most Pakistani families don't even know what mutah is, and those who know about it stay away from it. Its a cultural thing, anyways I have had some family members recently practice mutah, but this was done before marriage so the couple could get to know each other. They didn't engage in anything physical, but mutah was used essentially in place of the so called "engagement period". I think this is the best practical use of mutah in general for most of us.

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(salam)

Brothers, you don't wanna mess-up some sisters life just because you are horny. The issue of Virginity and it's impact http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=52582

(bismillah)

(salam)

Great post.

but this was done before marriage so the couple could get to know each other.

This is why i will use Mut'a to get to know each other with halal way. But of course not for sexual intention.

Edited by Zufa

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Salaam.

Regardless of the rule, it is still Makrooh, anyway, to contract Mut'ah with a virgin girl, as far as I know.

Contracting without consent isn't not a minority view, either. Perhaps amongst the Fuqaha today, yes. Not in the past. And as for the Maraja today, their rulings are usually based on obligatory precaution, and therefore it is permissible to follow another jurist in that issue.

But you are right. We all need to be careful. Thanks.

- Mansab

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