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In the Name of God بسم الله

Wanting to wear Hijab

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Salam Sisters. My name is Dana. I'm 17 years old living in the US. I Got engaged at 14 to the love of my life, and we did our kateb ketab (Nikka) When I was 15...He was 17 at the time. He is a very religious man, and throughout our years together he has greatly taught me about Islam. Growing up I was never raised religious, just greatly cultured. (Dont show your stomache, dont eat pork, etc...) When I met him, he helped change my whole family Alhamdulilah. Now nobody in my immediate family drinks alcohol, we all eat halal, and we try our best to pray on time. The only thing we are really lacking in basics is the Hijab. My Fiance greatly wants me to start wearing hijab, and alhamdulilah since the time I have met him I went from wearing bikinis to the beach to now only wearing pants/ long skirts...to short and long sleeves. I am planning on wearing hijab after this semester in college ends. I am very scared and curious as to what I will go through when I start wearing it.

I also am worried about something....My wedding! Inshallah we are planning on getting officially married in 2 and a half or 3 years...meaning having a wedding and moving out. Our Kateb ketab was a huge party, and I got to wear a beautiful dress...but now I am worried about being a Hijabi during my wedding.

I pray every day that Allah helps guide me into liking the hijab. What kind of things do Hijabi's go through in America? I have Hijabi friends, but they have been wearing Hijab since they were 9...& dont quite understand why it is so hard for me to just wear it..

Any advice sisters???

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  • Advanced Member

(salam)

I don't think you should get pressured into wearing hijab through your fiancee, though he sounds like a wondeful gentleman. Because if you were to start wearing it and then later begin regretting your decision (nauzibillah), it can become problematic and you'll go through all sorts of self-conscious issues. I started hijab when I was around your age--in the beginning of my second semester in college.

I don't understand why so many sisters worry about wearing hijab in their wedding. I swear there are people in my family who have asked me NOT to wear hijab on my wedding day. It's one day of your life. Is it not more important to look at the rest of your life with your companion rather than stressing yourself about how you look for a day?

I used to worry about being a hijabi in America too, but really, it's not bad at all! It's actually pretty great, haha. I have been discriminated against ONCE, but I'm 99.9% sure that that man is now FIRED lol.

But anyway, I think it's important that YOU want to this. Ask yourself why you want to wear the hijab. What does it mean to you? What will you gain from it? Why is it important?

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1) Your Nikkah has already done at the age of 15. Then you both become husband-wife obviously. How you can say that you will have wedding after 2-3 years?

2) Already you become wife to him at 15, then if he says to wear hijab, then you have to do it.

3) Ignore people and your likings/dislikings, put your all trust in Almighty Allah, Maula Imam-e-Zamana ASWS AJTFS will help you.

JazakAllah Khair.

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1) Your Nikkah has already done at the age of 15. Then you both become husband-wife obviously. How you can say that you will have wedding after 2-3 years?

2) Already you become wife to him at 15, then if he says to wear hijab, then you have to do it.

3) Ignore people and your likings/dislikings, put your all trust in Almighty Allah, Maula Imam-e-Zamana ASWS AJTFS will help you.

JazakAllah Khair.

As I said, we are very CULTURED...which means that when people in the Lebanese culture do kateb ketab we make it as an "engagement period" or a "test trial" in cultures eyes we are not married. We are engaged. Therefore until you have your official wedding and move out then you are married.

Secondly, he is not forcing hijab and he is not making me do anything. He just let's me know what he thinks is right and it is my decision to do so. Come on people this is the 21st century, women have minds.

3, I agree with...but as I am changing constantly as a person it is hard to put ones desires aside, although thats the way it should be.

"Whoever longs for paradise forgets his desires.” - Imam Ali (as)

I long for the paradise, but it is a general test of muslims from the shaytan...do we follow desire or the right path??

Not everyone is at the same point in religion.

Now going to the first post, Thank you for your kind message. I am no way shape or form FORCED. and I would NEVER take Hijab off for a wedding. I just meant it to be as how do you cope with hijab during a wedding?

I live in South, US... majority of people here are racists and I see what my hijabi friends go through, it just freaks me out. I get enough rude remarks from people just looking at me and calling me a "terrorist" or a "Sand ******"

Any other advice sisters? I would greatly appreciate it!

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  • Advanced Member

Nikah means you are officially married, so now he is your husband. Your "wedding" is just a party thats going to be thrown. Even though in your culture's eyes you're not married, you are married in front of Allah swt by having completed the Nikah, and that's the most important thing, right? Your religious husband should know that.

Anyway, because you are officially married, if your official husband tells you to wear hijaab, you have to wear hijaab. Start wearing the hijab because its fard.

If you don't want to wear hijaab on your wedding, have a segregated wedding so you can dress up as much as you want and all that jazz.

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Sallam Alaykum Dana, I've been in your place before,Im so happy for you Alhamdulilah that you want to wear hijab ! I live in the south also so I used to be scared I have now been wearing hijaab for about six months nowAlahamdulilah. Allah swt is so generous he gave me contact with some very special sisters who helped me to put it on, here is an article that one of them supplied me with, I read it the morning I decided to wear hijab:

Tips for Beginning to Wear Hijab

By A Revert Muslim Sister who dorns Hijab

One of the most difficult decisions many Muslim sisters face is the decision to start wearing hijab. This is certainly true for reverts, but may also be true for sisters whose families or even whose cultures are not particularly observant. As a revert myself, I have been through the whole thing. I would like to offer some advice that I hope Inshallah will be helpful to sisters who are considering wearing hijab but find that something is holding them back.

The first step is to learn about hijab. There is so much information out there. Many Muslim sisters who will assist you in this regard.

Deciding to wear Hijab

This is where the difficulties usually come in. For many sisters, it truly is a jihad. I remember very vividly how scared I was the first day I put on the headscarf and went out into public. As long as you are just wearing the modest clothes, nobody has to know that you are a Muslim. Once you complete your hijab with the headscarf, you are suddenly announcing to everyone who sees you that "I am a Muslim". Here is some advice based on my own experiences.

Wear it for the sake of Allah SWT

Various statements are made about why you should wear hijab, such as for modesty or for protection, but the real reason that we wear hijab is that Allah SWT has commanded it. Whenever anyone asks you, why do you dress like that, that's the only answer you need to give them.

Allah SWT is the source of everything we have, our existence, our life, our capability, even our goodness. If He ever stopped sustaining us, we would vanish in that instant. If He ever took away what he gives us, we would never have even a speck of it. If we worked for millions of years, we could never repay Him for all that He has given us. And yet He does give it to us, and all He asks in return is that we do our best to obey what He has commanded us. Surely wearing hijab is a very small thing that you can do for Him compared to what He does for you!

Wear it for the hope of Jannah

Allah SWT makes tests for us in this world. He makes things difficult for us. He wants to see if we will remember Him, if we will have faith in Him, and if we will trust in Him. These qualities are what is meant by "sabr".

Allah SWT does not lose the work of anyone, ever (see Surah Ali Imran ayah 195). Even if it seems like nobody is paying attention to you or notices or appreciates good things that you do, Allah SWT has seen them, and He will not forget them. Even when it seems like the whole world is against you, Allah SWT is always there for you when you turn to Him. Remember this.

Allah SWT always wants the best for us and in His wisdom He knows why each thing that happens to us is in fact best for us. When it seems like everything is going wrong and life is just one disaster after another, it is easy to forget this and to become bitter and skeptical. Yet we must remember always to have faith that Allah SWT knows best why He has willed this for us, and we must always ask Him only "Make me pleased with what You have willed for me".

This world we live in, although it seems at times to be the only real thing, is actually fleeting compared to the Hereafter, which is better and more abiding. The trials of this world will seem as fleeting as a nightmare when seen from the Hereafter, and the pleasures of this world will also seem as fleeting as a dream when seen from the Hereafter. It's our happiness in the Hereafter that we should be most worried about attaining, because it is what will last forever; and it's our suffering in the Hereafter that we should be most worried about avoiding, because it also will last forever.

Allah SWT has promised Jannah to those who remain steadfast in their faith in Him and who trust in Him. The more difficult it is for you to have sabr, the greater the reward for it. So what will it be? Ease in this world, and perhaps the eternal sufferings in Hell? Or difficulty in this world, and Inshallah the eternal bliss of Jannah? Let's face it, the old cliches are true: there's no such thing as a free lunch and you can almost never have your cake and eat it too. We've all got to face difficulties some time. Better by far that they be in the world than in the Hereafter.

So that's what you should set your mind to. Yes, it's difficult to wear hijab. You may be rejected by your family or your friends, you may face harassment and persecution or be fired from your job. These are very scary thoughts. But if you have sabr and keep trusting in Allah SWT, I swear to you sister, this is the path to Jannah, and when you look back on the Day of Qiyamah you will know that it was worth it and have no regrets.

Wear it today and trust in Allah SWT for tomorrow

What do I mean by that? What I mean is that you should take it one day at a time, or even one outing at a time. Sometimes the future seems to stretch on forever and ever and you don't think you can make it that long. You want to give up before you even begin.

So sometimes the best thing to do is to keep you mind focused on what is immediately at hand. Allah SWT will take care of the future. If you have to go out to the market, then concentrate on being able to wear hijab just for this activity and on getting through it. If you do get through it and nothing bad happened, then give thanks to Allah SWT for making it easy for you, and turn your mind to your next outing.

Or if you have to go out to school or work, then concentrate on being able to wear hijab just for this one day and on getting through it. And give thanks to Allah SWT when you have made it, and turn your mind to the next day.

Eventually the outings will turn into days and the days into weeks, and the weeks into months. One day you will realize that you have been wearing hijab for quite a long time and it isn't really as bad as you feared, and Allah SWT helped you get through it. Don't be ashamed. Sometimes it is like this. The most important thing is to have sabr and keep your trust in Allah SWT always.

Wear it and spite the shaytan

My dear sister, the worries and fears in your mind are the whisperings of the shaytan. He wants to talk you out of obeying Allah SWT.

It is very easy to keep going around in circles in your mind and to dwell on all the things that could go wrong. I know that I myself have a tendency to do this, I put it off and I dither and I wait for "the perfect time". If I let myself, I would never do anything at all!

So the thing you have to remember is that you do not need to be perfect in iman to wear hijab. If perfection were a qualification, where is the sister who could wear it??

You must also not fall into the trap of thinking that you should wait until all your worries and fears have disappeared. They never will! Trust me on this, sister.

True courage is going ahead to do what's right even though you are still nervous and scared. So don't listen to the shaytan. Ignore the worries and fears he whispers into your mind. Tell him that you will not let him keep you from obeying Allah SWT and you will not let him rule your life.

Make the decision to wear it

Once you have come to know in your heart that you must wear hijab, then you have to set a day and

JUST DO IT !!

This is the only way. Set a day and when that day comes, you have to do it. Don't back down. Don't give up. Do it.

Offer salat al-istikhara. Make du'a. Make lots of du'a. Do not stop making du'a. Ask Allah SWT to give you strength. Ask Him to make it easy for you. Ask Him to help you. He will, I swear it to you. He is always there for you when you turn to Him. Remember how much He has given you, how everything that you have, even your very existence, is due to Him. Remember that He deserves this from you. Remember the promise of Jannah. Remember that remaining patient and faithful through difficulty now may lead to Jannah, Inshallah. Even if bad things happen, keep these thoughts in your mind. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just concentrate on getting through today, and leave tomorrow to Allah SWT until it gets here.

That's how you do it.

Final Words of Encouragement

I have been wearing hijab since September 1999. I do not regret it. I have never for one instant regretted it. I do not regret it even one iota. Inshallah, you will discover that you feel the same. Even within a few months I came to feel that I would not be properly dressed if I went out not wearing hijab. This is when you know that you have made it!

Never feel that you are alone, or that you are the only one who is scared and worried and nervous. Just about every other sister who has travelled down this road has gone through the same things. I know I have. Your sisters are here for you. We have been where you are. We are encouraging you and cheering you on. We know what it takes because we had to find that in ourselves too. We are praying for your success just as we prayed for our own.

Come and join us.

Allah does not burden a soul except what it can bear. For it is what it has earned, and upon it is what it has made due. "Our Lord and Sustainer, do not condemn us if we forget or do wrong. Our Lord and Sustainer, do not put a burden on us like the burden You put on those who were before us. Our Lord and Sustainer, do not put a burden on us that we cannot endure. And blot out (our sins) and forgive us, and be gentle to us. You are our Protector. So help us against the rejectors." (Surah al-Baqarat ayah 286)

The advice in this article really helped me, I prayed to Allah swt to help me wear hijab and to make it easy for me and he did Alhamdulilah. The first day I wore it I went to school and not one person said one word about it, I actually wondered for a minute I am wearing hijab right? Allah swt is so generous if you really want something and he knows that it is benifical towards you, then he will answer you, and give it to you. Inshallah He will help you also and all the other sisters who are in need.

Sallam wr wb

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  • Advanced Member

Salaam alaikum

Where in the south do you live, just curious. Well being an American convert with a white American hubby and obviously white kids I get a couple of looks as well. We live in Baton Rouge, Lousisana. And yeah you may have some stares or people being curious and some rude remarks, but to be honest you'll get that about anywhere you go in this world. Believe it or not it's not as difficult as we make it out to be, I remember working myself in to a fit about wanting to wear hijab and being a little to chicken to just put it on. One of my co-workers at the time told me to just put it on and stop stressing myself I did and that was the end of that,(actually she sewed me some scarves too, may Allah swt reward her for her aid and support and inshallah bring her to the path of Islam). Honestly it was a little anti climatic. Don't get me wrong you may be a little hyper aware of people glancing at you and such but this too shall pass. Just smile and say hello =0).

wa salaam

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It's hard in the beginning but once you wear it....you feel like it's the best decision you have made :)

You get beautiful hijaabs now that you can match with your wedding dress or if you are custom making your dress they will be more than glad to make a scarf out of it. Or like most hijaabi's you can have a segregated ceremony and then when the men come over to the girl's side you can don your hijaab.

Hope this helps!!!! :)

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Thank you so much, the article is very inspiring.

& to GuCci....He is not MAKING me...he tells me its my choice, so it is my choice. Plus I still live with my father who pays all financially for me...so technically as long as I am in my fathers house, my father pays for me etc...He has no power. I even asked this to Ayotallah Fadallah, thank you very much. We did Kateb ketab as an engagement.

I live in Florida. Not many people believe it to be the real south, but its pretty racist over here. For the wedding, were having it mixed so I would be wearing hijab..Does anybody know places where to get bridal hijabi stuff in the US?

Thank you all so much for your support, I really appreciate it, Inshallah we all will be great friends! :)

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  • Advanced Member

I skipped the long replies :P

If you are convinced about Hijab.. DO it & don't worry.. Allah will make you find the perfect dress that would fit with your hijab and with your wedding theme.. you can hijab up everything.. for me I love to dress up.. like SOOO much.. and I'm a hijabi & everyone absolutely loves the things I wear! so don't worry dear.. hijab won't stop you from having a party of a life time! besides, it's not till 3 years from now.. so lots of newer styles are coming & u never know maybe the new fashion is long sleeves and all covered up :P

I have another idea.. u can sketch ur own dress design & sew it.. not u.. u can take it somewhere :D

and u don't have to get hijabi stuff.. get regular clothes and hijab i up :D

good luck :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member

He is not forcing her to wear the hijab and if he was forcing her she would have wore it before they did the katbet ketab. Allah has gave her knowledge and has guided her to make the choice to start wearing it. No girl should ever be forced to wear it if they are not ready, it just puts a sin or the person forcing it.

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  • Advanced Member

I wanna give you the cold hard truth sweety that you don't seem to be getting right now, this is NOT going to be easy or fun! I started wearing it when I was supposed to 9 years of age, and I remember that summer I hated it Sooo much! just the feeling of being hot and sweaty and not being able to wear even a t-shirt! but what you have to ask yourself is WHO are you doing this for? God? If so then pray to Him and encourage yourself everyday to stop thinking about what people will think of you and stop trying to make yourself look attractive to men. Yes that's it. The hijab is supposed to make men stop being perverts and to make them stop looking at you (even though the pervs still undress you with their eyes if you're all covered up but wearing tight clothes!) anyway ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I confident enough that I will feel decent looking or will I hate looking at myself in the mirror? (do I need to be checked out by men to feel good?)

2. Am I going to feel inferior to those women who show off their bodies and hair?

3. Am I so unsure of it right now that I think about what it's going to be like when I take it off?

4. and most importantly DO I believe this will help me? in this world and the next? or am I doing this to be a good wife?

when you are honest with yourself you can take the next step to either say I can do this or I need more help, if you feel like you need more help educate yourself on the subject and make yourself closer to God and pray to Him to make this easier for you only then will you WHOLE-heartdly wear the hijab.

the hijab is a constant battle for many women, a daily battle even for some, but only God makes you feel like it's the best decision you've made.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • Basic Members

I feel that when you want to wear hijab, nothing else will matter. So instead of worrying what your fiance will think or what everyone else thinks, you need to set your priorities in order. Bc it is you who will be making the decision not him or anyone else.

When you want to wear hijab from your heart, you'll become blinded by the love of serving Allah (swt) that nothing else will matter.

You will be surprised as to how everything else will seem to fall into place. You just have to have a little faith ;)

Salam Sisters. My name is Dana. I'm 17 years old living in the US. I Got engaged at 14 to the love of my life, and we did our kateb ketab (Nikka) When I was 15...He was 17 at the time. He is a very religious man, and throughout our years together he has greatly taught me about Islam. Growing up I was never raised religious, just greatly cultured. (Dont show your stomache, dont eat pork, etc...) When I met him, he helped change my whole family Alhamdulilah. Now nobody in my immediate family drinks alcohol, we all eat halal, and we try our best to pray on time. The only thing we are really lacking in basics is the Hijab. My Fiance greatly wants me to start wearing hijab, and alhamdulilah since the time I have met him I went from wearing bikinis to the beach to now only wearing pants/ long skirts...to short and long sleeves. I am planning on wearing hijab after this semester in college ends. I am very scared and curious as to what I will go through when I start wearing it.

I also am worried about something....My wedding! Inshallah we are planning on getting officially married in 2 and a half or 3 years...meaning having a wedding and moving out. Our Kateb ketab was a huge party, and I got to wear a beautiful dress...but now I am worried about being a Hijabi during my wedding.

I pray every day that Allah helps guide me into liking the hijab. What kind of things do Hijabi's go through in America? I have Hijabi friends, but they have been wearing Hijab since they were 9...& dont quite understand why it is so hard for me to just wear it..

Any advice sisters???

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  • Advanced Member
Salam Sisters. My name is Dana. I'm 17 years old living in the US. I Got engaged at 14 to the love of my life, and we did our kateb ketab (Nikka) When I was 15...He was 17 at the time. He is a very religious man, and throughout our years together he has greatly taught me about Islam. Growing up I was never raised religious, just greatly cultured. (Dont show your stomache, dont eat pork, etc...) When I met him, he helped change my whole family Alhamdulilah. Now nobody in my immediate family drinks alcohol, we all eat halal, and we try our best to pray on time. The only thing we are really lacking in basics is the Hijab. My Fiance greatly wants me to start wearing hijab, and alhamdulilah since the time I have met him I went from wearing bikinis to the beach to now only wearing pants/ long skirts...to short and long sleeves. I am planning on wearing hijab after this semester in college ends. I am very scared and curious as to what I will go through when I start wearing it.

I also am worried about something....My wedding! Inshallah we are planning on getting officially married in 2 and a half or 3 years...meaning having a wedding and moving out. Our Kateb ketab was a huge party, and I got to wear a beautiful dress...but now I am worried about being a Hijabi during my wedding.

I pray every day that Allah helps guide me into liking the hijab. What kind of things do Hijabi's go through in America? I have Hijabi friends, but they have been wearing Hijab since they were 9...& dont quite understand why it is so hard for me to just wear it..

Any advice sisters???

Besides the fact that hijab is required according to Islam....doing hijab is FUN! I love standing in my closet every morning, trying to decide which color/pattern of scarf I will wear that day. Sometimes it's even the highlight of my otherwise monotonous day lol.

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