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In the Name of God بسم الله

Why do arranged marriages last longer?

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Guest seyedmuslim

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Guest seyedmuslim

is it becasue

they are more rational in choosing a spouse?

the parents are more supportive?

the couple are forced to stay together?

there is more pateince in those cultures?

in those marriages the partners have less experience and love their spouses becasue they are special to them?

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Maybe....In arranged marriages, the families have made a committment to each other and will work hard to support the couple through many difficulties. In love marriages, often the families are not in agreement with the decision or choice of the bride (or of the groom) and as they were not involved in the decision, will not support a situation they did not like in the first place.

However, arranged marriages are not faring as well as they used to either. Divorces are not an uncommon thing.

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1.in arranged marriages people don't love each other before marriage. they marry with the "hope" that love will grow in time.

after 10 years if love hasn't grown elders say, be patient, love takes time. before you know it half you foot is in your grave anyway so you say, "ah, what the heck, might as well ride the whole storm out. perhaps i'll find love in the hereafter." lol.

2.in non-aranged marriages people marry because they love eachother.

when the love fades the marriage crumbles because love was the premise for marriage.

so which is better 1 or 2? i say 2 but an islamic 2 of course. lite marriage before conventional (mut'ah) then cross over to conventional if

love developes. lol. if love ever dies, burry the dead horse for God's sake.

this sacrificing dunya for akhira attitude is foolishness. God wan't you to have a good aakhirah and a good dunya.

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2.in non-aranged marriages people marry because they love eachother.

when the love fades the marriage crumbles because love was the premise for marriage.

this sacrificing dunya for akhira attitude is foolishness. God wan't you to have a good aakhirah and a good dunya.

that is EXACTLY wat i think

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Arranged marriages last because of social pressures-- but that can be a good thing. Marriage is for life, meaning if there's a problem in the marriage, instead of running away from it by divorcing, the couple is forced to face the problem head on-- even with outside help, from the parents/family. Marriage in a system of arranged marriages means that a couple will not take marriage lightly-- it's a lifelong commitment, not something that can be thrown aside at one's whim.

I don't think either system is necessarily better, there are different risks for love vs. arranged marriage.

Edited by BabyBeaverIsAKit
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In arranged marriages, parents get 100% satisfaction while making any relationships. Marriage is not only related to a guy and gal, but also a bonding for 2 families. So parents make rational decision. because they get full satisfaction abt their children hence minimizes the unwanted events occur in future.

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In arranged marriages, parents get 100% satisfaction while making any relationships. Marriage is not only related to a guy and gal, but also a bonding for 2 families. So parents make rational decision. because they get full satisfaction abt their children hence minimizes the unwanted events occur in future.

i wanna hug u for great comments....reall great yaa akhi

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i think arranged marriage is rediculous. only selfish parents who prefer their own happiness over the happiness of their children would go for that nonsense. perhaps there is a midway between the two extremes; arranged and love. though unpopular i am convinced the correct route for modern times is non-sexual mut'ahs until one finds a love match with great chemistry, then you upgrade to conventional and consumate the marriage. probability of such a match lasting for life is much greater.

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i think arranged marriage is rediculous. only selfish parents who prefer their own happiness over the happiness of their children would go for that nonsense. perhaps there is a midway between the two extremes; arranged and love. though unpopular i am convinced the correct route for modern times is non-sexual mut'ahs until one finds a love match with great chemistry, then you upgrade to conventional and consumate the marriage. probability of such a match lasting for life is much greater.

Thanks Ali Huzaifa. Well they are not ridiculous when decisions made by parents. But life can be miserable if we alone make decisions and if it doesn't live up to our expectations. There's a high ratio of divorces in love marriages as compare to arranged marriages.

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Thanks Ali Huzaifa. Well they are not ridiculous when decisions made by parents. But life can be miserable if we alone make decisions and if it doesn't live up to our expectations. There's a high ratio of divorces in love marriages as compare to arranged marriages.

yaa and then we are hold responsible for every thing thats the worst thing

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i can tell you from personal experience as a Westerner that arranged marriages for Westerners are bad news most of the time. Most Western Muslims that get divorced are because they went for arranged marriages.

that kind of stuff might work like a charm in the East but not here, no way. it is like throwing darts in the dark. In the East you could throw a dart in the dark and somehow they just throw decorations and rice around and make it look nice anyway.

plus in the East love marriages are only things you read about in novels. In the West it is normal.

so if you are from the East I recommend arranged simply because you don't really have a choice because of social backwardness over there.

in the West, if you go for arranged from my experience and observation, your marriage has a 50% chance of failure.

my philosophy for the next gen. of Muslims in the West is non-sexual mut'ah to guage for compatibility before conventional marriage. its a no brainer. even many sunnis i talk to think it is a good idea. they actually admire mut'ah when you explain it that way. our people are so backward that they still look down at mut'ah as if it is prostitution or something. lol. most "shias" these days are so stupid.

Edited by muslim8
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i will definately prefer a love marriage....

love makes u blind against any mistake of ur spouse :squeez:

Yes and that is why it is a dangerous attitude to have when you are unmarried and choosing a spouse. It's counter productive in that situation - what you need is to stay fairly rational and level headed to make the right selection. Not be blinded by strong emotions. Of course you can't inevitably rid yourself entirely of feeling attracted to someone, we are not machines after all. I just mean when choosing a spouse it is often better to let your head over rule your heart.

Then when you are married you should overlook the shortcomings of your spouse.

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i can tell you from personal experience as a Westerner that arranged marriages for Westerners are bad news most of the time. Most Western Muslims that get divorced are because they went for arranged marriages.

that kind of stuff might work like a charm in the East but not here, no way. it is like throwing darts in the dark. In the East you could throw a dart in the dark and somehow they just throw decorations and rice around and make it look nice anyway.

plus in the East love marriages are only things you read about in novels. In the West it is normal.

so if you are from the East I recommend arranged simply because you don't really have a choice because of social backwardness over there.

in the West, if you go for arranged from my experience and observation, your marriage has a 50% chance of failure.

Interesting views. I agree that arranged marriages aren't suitable for those living in the West. Those who live in the West are exposed to things which may not be common in the East. For example a completely mixed environment, indecent clothing, couples behaving openly in public etc. Therefore, a person in the West will tend to find someone themselves - someone who they feel is compatible and will be able to live with each other happily. In the East - these things are not so common and hence, anyone will do really, so whoever the parents feel is 'suitable' is usually fine for the person.

These are just my views - I haven't intended to offend anyone.

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How about a combination of love and arranged? ;)

there is no such thing as love before arranged. you have to spend a lot of time with someone to know them hence love them. you can't love someone you hardly know. lust, yes, but love never. if you go for arranged there must be an element of at least lust. lust is a spark and love is a flame and without a spark you get no flame. last point i think many Easterners have it right on and Westerners make a mistake on is about happiness. Happiness must spring from within yourself first and you must care about someone if not love them yet enough to want to share your happiness with them and they with you. If you depend on external factors for happiness be it money, people and even health for happiness it is a fragile illusion. Perhaps that is why many Eastern arranged marriages succeed. Their philosophy of life is not based on materialism; on crutches. Then again I have seen many materialistic Easterners too so I guess the equation is not very simple. To be on the safe side I think non-sexual mut'ah before conventional marriage is the best way to go for Westerners and even Easterners if they can get away with it socially. I read that in Iran this is becoming normal practice.

Edited by muslim8
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Arranged marriages can be successful if they are built on Islamic values you learn to compromise because Islam gives us rules around marriage which help to make it strong and supports both the husband and wife.

With love marriages the marriage is mainly built on love and what are the rules on love? Plus when you lose the love... well you can’t have much hope that the marriage will last. BUT I'm not saying love marriages are wrong or unsuccessful ;)

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Arranged marriages are more successful because there are prayers of parents of both husband and wife. Marriage is not the joining of two individuals. It is in fact joining of two families and in arranged marriages elders of both the families pray for the success of the marriage and also there are commitments by the elders and they guarantee each other about the man or the woman. Being lawyer i have the experience of seeing many so called love marriages being unsuccessful. We can not set a general rule but mostly arranged marriages are more successful. In love marriages there are much expectations which when fail the individual feels very hurt and disappointed and this ultimately results in the failure of the marriage.

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in the West, if you go for arranged from my experience and observation, your marriage has a 50% chance of failure.

Are we just making up statistics now? Because I am good at that...

Interesting views. I agree that arranged marriages aren't suitable for those living in the West. Those who live in the West are exposed to things which may not be common in the East. For example a completely mixed environment, indecent clothing, couples behaving openly in public etc. Therefore, a person in the West will tend to find someone themselves - someone who they feel is compatible and will be able to live with each other happily. In the East - these things are not so common and hence, anyone will do really, so whoever the parents feel is 'suitable' is usually fine for the person.

These are just my views - I haven't intended to offend anyone.

I really think we shouldn't generalize. I have seen plenty of people from the West do arranged marriages and they have worked out just fine. Arranged marriages are suitable for some living in the West, maybe not for everyone.

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From personal experience and living in the West I would say arranged marriage has just worked fine for me. As a lot of ppl before me have mentioned arranged marriage is more of a bond between two families and not just the couple.

I think there is definitely room for love before marriage depending on how your family is....most families these days in the west...let the guy and girl meet spend time with each other and let them decide if they are compatible or not

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From personal experience and living in the West I would say arranged marriage has just worked fine for me.

Sounds like you have an mediocre marriage. That's cool. Hey it depends on what your expectations are. You aim for mediocre and get mediocre that is called "worked fine for me".

When you go the "other way" you are like, OMG I have never been happier then this in my life. I feel like I am walking on air. Every sensation in my body feels different, even breathing. You know what, forget it, when you don't know what exactly you have missed you are better off. I am not saying arranged marriages don't develope love. They do sometimes. Good luck. Hey, life is so short. Even if you never find it here, inshallah you will taste it on the other side.

Personally I did non-sexual mut'ah with several women and then went conventional with the one I fell in love with. Then again I lived in the West for over 30 years. You guys are perhaps recent immigrants or perhaps have 0 intimate experience with the opposite gender. When you never smelled a flower even a tulip smells amazing. Now when you have smelled 10 different flowers you will not settle for less than a rose.

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Sounds like you have an mediocre marriage. That's cool. Hey it depends on what your expectations are. You aim for mediocre and get mediocre that is called "worked fine for me".

When you go the "other way" you are like, OMG I have never been happier then this in my life. I feel like I am walking on air. Every sensation in my body feels different, even breathing. You know what, forget it, when you don't know what exactly you have missed you are better off. I am not saying arranged marriages don't develope love. They do sometimes. Good luck. Hey, life is so short. Even if you never find it here, inshallah you will taste it on the other side.

Personally I did non-sexual mut'ah with several women and then went conventional with the one I fell in love with. Then again I lived in the West for over 30 years. You guys are perhaps recent immigrants or perhaps have 0 intimate experience with the opposite gender. When you never smelled a flower even a tulip smells amazing. Now when you have smelled 10 different flowers you will not settle for less than a rose.

FYI I don't like discussing my personal life here hence the words "worked fine for me" meaning I am happy and I was born and brought up in this country hence "recent immigrants" doesn't apply to me and I would appreciate you not patronizing me

Edited by nusu603
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yaa love and then arranged is my dream marriage :D Ameen Summa Ameen

hehe

(bismillah)

(salam)

Ummmmmmmmm, Bro Ali, hope everything is fine now, had read your earlier posts regarding your problem, hope they have been solved...........Bro when are you giving us the happy news of your wedding to your beloved, hope its soon..................

Wasallam

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Sounds like you have an mediocre marriage. That's cool. Hey it depends on what your expectations are. You aim for mediocre and get mediocre that is called "worked fine for me".

When you go the "other way" you are like, OMG I have never been happier then this in my life. I feel like I am walking on air. Every sensation in my body feels different, even breathing. You know what, forget it, when you don't know what exactly you have missed you are better off. I am not saying arranged marriages don't develope love. They do sometimes. Good luck. Hey, life is so short. Even if you never find it here, inshallah you will taste it on the other side.

Personally I did non-sexual mut'ah with several women and then went conventional with the one I fell in love with. Then again I lived in the West for over 30 years. You guys are perhaps recent immigrants or perhaps have 0 intimate experience with the opposite gender. When you never smelled a flower even a tulip smells amazing. Now when you have smelled 10 different flowers you will not settle for less than a rose.

Who says the tulip is any less than the rose?

If you smell too many flowers, you think that somewhere, in another garden, there is another, better-smelling flower waiting for you (without even realizing the beauty and fragrance of the one right in front of you). You'll think that there is one out there that will fall from the heavens if you wait long enough. Then you'll just end up alone and flower-less, and without the beauty and the fragrance of the one in front of you of which you failed to take notice.

Sounds like you have an mediocre marriage. That's cool. Hey it depends on what your expectations are. You aim for mediocre and get mediocre that is called "worked fine for me".

When you go the "other way" you are like, OMG I have never been happier then this in my life. I feel like I am walking on air. Every sensation in my body feels different, even breathing. You know what, forget it, when you don't know what exactly you have missed you are better off. I am not saying arranged marriages don't develope love. They do sometimes. Good luck. Hey, life is so short. Even if you never find it here, inshallah you will taste it on the other side.

Personally I did non-sexual mut'ah with several women and then went conventional with the one I fell in love with. Then again I lived in the West for over 30 years. You guys are perhaps recent immigrants or perhaps have 0 intimate experience with the opposite gender. When you never smelled a flower even a tulip smells amazing. Now when you have smelled 10 different flowers you will not settle for less than a rose.

To be fair, unless if you have had a marriage with every single woman in this world, you don't know what you are missing, either.

Edited by BabyBeaverIsAKit
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Sounds like you have an mediocre marriage. That's cool. Hey it depends on what your expectations are. You aim for mediocre and get mediocre that is called "worked fine for me".

When you go the "other way" you are like, OMG I have never been happier then this in my life. I feel like I am walking on air. Every sensation in my body feels different, even breathing. You know what, forget it, when you don't know what exactly you have missed you are better off. I am not saying arranged marriages don't develope love. They do sometimes. Good luck. Hey, life is so short. Even if you never find it here, inshallah you will taste it on the other side.

Personally I did non-sexual mut'ah with several women and then went conventional with the one I fell in love with. Then again I lived in the West for over 30 years. You guys are perhaps recent immigrants or perhaps have 0 intimate experience with the opposite gender. When you never smelled a flower even a tulip smells amazing. Now when you have smelled 10 different flowers you will not settle for less than a rose.

(salam)

Seriously, sometimes it's better to not speak at all rather than spout nonsense about other people's marriages that you have no knowledge of.

Tulips are beautiful by the way

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Also, Muslim8 seems to think he has the best marriage and no one else's marriage measures up to his, this his life is the best and everyone else's sucks. Someone thinks highly of himself.

I don't think that Muslim8 can know that every marriage out there is mediocre compared to his-- or even any, unless if he lives with the couple or gets the inside scoop from a household member of the married couple in question.

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Personally I did non-sexual mut'ah with several women and then went conventional with the one I fell in love with. Then again I lived in the West for over 30 years. You guys are perhaps recent immigrants or perhaps have 0 intimate experience with the opposite gender. When you never smelled a flower even a tulip smells amazing. Now when you have smelled 10 different flowers you will not settle for less than a rose.

I happen to think that EVERY woman is a rose.

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(bismillah)

This thread is invalid unless there is some empirical data to prove correct the question of the OP. Just because you hold an opinion which states that arranged marriages last longer does not make it a concrete and solid fact. Unless you can prove this question true using some sort of statistics it will only be a discussion of opinion and not fact.

Please prove how arranged marriages last longer without giving personal examples from your aunties, uncles etc.

Some data would be a good start.

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Ummmmmmmmm, Bro Ali, hope everything is fine now, had read your earlier posts regarding your problem, hope they have been solved...........Bro when are you giving us the happy news of your wedding to your beloved, hope its soon..................

Wasallam

very soon yaa akhi may Allah bless you

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