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nusu603

Rights of a Husband

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Salaams Sisters,

I recently got married and unfortunately I am not living with my husband right now (we are waiting for him to get to the US....his paperwork is in progress). Currently I am staying with my parents and I will be moving end of March to stay with my brother and sister in law. (They live in a different state)

My question is that some of my family lives in India and I wanted to fly down to visit them since my uncle has not been feeling well (nothing serious). I asked my husband's permission but he refused to let me fly down. My family was going to provide my ticket etc so it's not the money issue. He will not give me a reason why I can't fly down. It has been 8 years since I have last seen the rest of my family and my husband is aware of that.

Under these circumstances do I still have to do what my husband says?

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(salam)

Yes, you can't travel without his consent, but it seems unreasonable of him to not offer you explanation. I'm sure there is more to the issue than is clear here. In a most loving and compassionate way, tell him that you will do as he says, but it will make you feel resentment and distrust if he is not willing to explain his reasons to you for prohibiting you from traveling, and you don't want those feelings to interfere with your happy marriage.

You are right...I do feel the resentment. *sigh* and right now I am really mad at him. I have never done anything without his permission and I feel hurt by him behaving like a (for lack of a better word) moron :cry:

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Salaams Sisters,

I recently got married and unfortunately I am not living with my husband right now (we are waiting for him to get to the US....his paperwork is in progress).

Wa alaykom asalam

Does the permission rule still apply when the husband and wife are not living together as a married couple? Practically you're still living a pretty 'single' life. I'm curious to know also because I don't live with my husband yet.

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(salam) What is the point of getting married if you are not living with your husband??? If he is living so far from you - how does he know what is in your best interest?

Well we are not living apart by choice it's more of a legal issue. There is more to a marriage than just living together :)

And you are right living far apart how does he know what is in my best interest? After all I am still living in my parent's house so don't their rules apply?

Any thoughts??

Wa alaykom asalam

Does the permission rule still apply when the husband and wife are not living together as a married couple? Practically you're still living a pretty 'single' life. I'm curious to know also because I don't live with my husband yet.

Interesting thought process!!

But I have feeling that once you are married whether you are living together or separate you have to ask your husband's permission.

Not sure if the same rule applies if you are apart due to marital discord

Any thoughts??

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(salam) What is the point of getting married if you are not living with your husband??? If he is living so far from you - how does he know what is in your best interest?

It can take time to set yourself up together. Rizq, although promised, doesn't usually come over night. Amongst other issues. Life can be complicated ^_^

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Well we are not living apart by choice it's more of a legal issue. There is more to a marriage than just living together :)

And you are right living far apart how does he know what is in my best interest? After all I am still living in my parent's house so don't their rules apply?

Any thoughts??

Interesting thought process!!

But I have feeling that once you are married whether you are living together or separate you have to ask your husband's permission.

Not sure if the same rule applies if you are apart due to marital discord

Any thoughts??

I am assuming that you are bringing someone in from another country and that this takes years(?) to do - there is always the potential that he is never let in - and then where would you be..? I dont see how that situation is in your best interest - although it obviously would benefit him.. Again I am assuming as I dont know the situation, but this person potentially does not really know you well enough to be making basic life decisions for you. I think those decisions would best be made by the father until you have set up a household together. I would quickly become very resentful of someone telling me I could not visit a sick family member. Maybe it is best I am not married :P - I think I am waaaay too independent for this kind of marriage.

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I am assuming that you are bringing someone in from another country and that this takes years(?) to do - there is always the potential that he is never let in - and then where would you be..? I dont see how that situation is in your best interest - although it obviously would benefit him.. Again I am assuming as I dont know the situation, but this person potentially does not really know you well enough to be making basic life decisions for you. I think those decisions would best be made by the father until you have set up a household together. I would quickly become very resentful of someone telling me I could not visit a sick family member. Maybe it is best I am not married :P - I think I am waaaay too independent for this kind of marriage.

Hahahhaha....I thought so too....till I got married :wacko:

Hopefully I pray that it won't take him years to get here and I don't even want to think about what will happen if he does not get here. Having lived in the west for good 8 years I don't know if I really want to go back and live in a country I was not brought up in. Yikes!!! call me an ostrich but I don't even want to think about it :(

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Hahahhaha....I thought so too....till I got married :wacko:

I really dont think I would be doing this ....but.....I know - famous last words!! :!!!:

Hopefully I pray that it won't take him years to get here and I don't even want to think about what will happen if he does not get here. Having lived in the west for good 8 years I don't know if I really want to go back and live in a country I was not brought up in. Yikes!!! call me an ostrich but I don't even want to think about it :(

I dont blame you - I would feel the same. In the end, the important part is that you are together, regardless of where you live. You can then get to know each other!!..and perhaps these basic desicion problems would not come up. He may be trying to be very conservative in his decision making because his knowledge of you and what is in your best interest is limited right now.

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I really dont think I would be doing this ....but.....I know - famous last words!! :!!!:

I dont blame you - I would feel the same. In the end, the important part is that you are together, regardless of where you live. You can then get to know each other!!..and perhaps these basic desicion problems would not come up. He may be trying to be very conservative in his decision making because his knowledge of you and what is in your best interest is limited right now.

True....

Arranged marriage offer + long distance relationship BEFORE marriage + meeting your husband in person for the first time One week before you are getting married + only staying with him for 3 months + long distance relationship AFTER marriage = not so happy of a marriage :(

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Being married but not living together for sometime (even upto several years) is not anything unusual in Pakistan. Islamically speaking, certain rules are different for couples who dont live together. If a person is married but is unable to live with the spouse, then he or she is considered as unmarried as far as some Islamic rules apply. For example, the punishment of sexual crimes is half for a married person who cannot live with the spouse, than for a person who is living with his wife or husband. Some other rules are also different. You may want to check with your marja which rules apply to you and which do not.

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True....

Arranged marriage offer + long distance relationship BEFORE marriage + meeting your husband in person for the first time One week before you are getting married + only staying with him for 3 months + long distance relationship AFTER marriage = not so happy of a marriage :(

It must be very hard - I hope you can at least be able to visit each other occasionally.

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Being married but not living together for sometime (even upto several years) is not anything unusual in Pakistan. Islamically speaking, certain rules are different for couples who dont live together. If a person is married but is unable to live with the spouse, then he or she is considered as unmarried as far as some Islamic rules apply. For example, the punishment of sexual crimes is half for a married person who cannot live with the spouse, than for a person who is living with his wife or husband. Some other rules are also different. You may want to check with your marja which rules apply to you and which do not.

That's interesting my family swears I have to ask my husband's permission even though I am living in their house....very very interesting :) I will definitely look into it I guess

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I've got to do more than tell him and what irks me the most is the fact that he "feels like he has not done nothing wrong by not letting me visit my family"

Why are men so difficult???

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all im saying is that humans adapt according to other peoples attitudes......if u let him do this today without ne explainin....Khuda na khasta (what does it translate to btw) tmrw he might come home late night and say "theres nothing to explain"....i dont mean to cause a fight but thats the straight facts

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all im saying is that humans adapt according to other peoples attitudes......if u let him do this today without ne explainin....Khuda na khasta (what does it translate to btw) tmrw he might come home late night and say "theres nothing to explain"....i dont mean to cause a fight but thats the straight facts

Yeah I know you mean well :) no offense taken

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salams

i have been in this situation myself sister and i can understand how frustrating and annoying it is for you - Although my husband did eventually agree! lol (After i said i would beat him up- lol jus kidding :P)

From what i have realised it is nothing more than "male pride" - they dont want you travelling or doing anything major like dat on your own...

Erm i guess jus tell him him straight up to get over his male pride and that unless he cannot give you a vaild reason you are going and thats that! Hhmph! lol haha

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salams

i have been in this situation myself sister and i can understand how frustrating and annoying it is for you - Although my husband did eventually agree! lol (After i said i would beat him up- lol jus kidding :P)

From what i have realised it is nothing more than "male pride" - they dont want you travelling or doing anything major like dat on your own...

Erm i guess jus tell him him straight up to get over his male pride and that unless he cannot give you a vaild reason you are going and thats that! Hhmph! lol haha

Hahahha....I don't think it is about going to visit my family anymore. Unfortunately I had a window of time that has slipped by me and from Monday I am starting to work full time. He did not give me the permission when he had to and now it's no use. But I am still not willing to let this topic go....if it is about visiting family today god knows what else he will have a problem with tomo :(

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Salaam,

what members of the family were you going to visit?

were any male cousins going to be present, not necessarily alone with you but simply present with other elder members of the family?

Wasalaam

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Salaam,

what members of the family were you going to visit?

were any male cousins going to be present, not necessarily alone with you but simply present with other elder members of the family?

Wasalaam

Honestly are all men so suspicious???

Jeez o ye of no faith....yeah there will be one cousin there who is 12 n whose diapers I changed and fed him when he was hungry

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or funny - depends how you look at it. Just think a couple steps ahead. I think men are quite predictable and you can work around their insecurites.

From my vast experience :!!!:

Hhhmm....O ye of vast knowledge....help me deal with this husband of mine :shaytan: :unsure:

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hey cmon....not all men...why r u girls so stereotypical bout us guys

well... for one thing .... read the majority of the posts that men write about women just on this site... they are pretty unidirectional (if that is a word LOL)

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Hhhmm....O ye of vast knowledge....help me deal with this husband of mine :shaytan: :unsure:

LOL - I am just at the recognition stage actually. I havent worked out a game plan yet :shaytan:

You need to find out why he is being like this and work from there. I think he is nervous and does not want to give you permission in case it is the wrong decision. He needs to be reassured that you are capable and competent to look after yourself. He is also thinking from the vantage point of another culture where perhaps it is not so safe or acceptable for women to travel on their own.

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LOL - I am just at the recognition stage actually. I havent worked out a game plan yet :shaytan:

You need to find out why he is being like this and work from there. I think he is nervous and does not want to give you permission in case it is the wrong decision. He needs to be reassured that you are capable and competent to look after yourself. He is also thinking from the vantage point of another culture where perhaps it is not so safe or acceptable for women to travel on their own.

Ok here is the issue with him....since he lives in paki and i live here in the US he still feels responsible for me. So right now he cannot afford my ticket to fly to India. That was never an issue to begin with...my uncle wants me to come and visit him and will happily provide the ticket... they (meaning my family) has never said anything insulting about my husband in regards to him not providing the ticket.

So my take of the situation is that I am flying down coz my family wants me to so my husband should not feel morally obligated to provide my ticket....other than his hurt ego I dnt see what else the issue can be

and when it comes down to trust....if he cannot trust me then there is no basis for our relationship to continute :(

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LOL - I am just at the recognition stage actually. I havent worked out a game plan yet :shaytan:

You need to find out why he is being like this and work from there. I think he is nervous and does not want to give you permission in case it is the wrong decision. He needs to be reassured that you are capable and competent to look after yourself. He is also thinking from the vantage point of another culture where perhaps it is not so safe or acceptable for women to travel on their own.

WOW is she experienced or what :lol: :lol: o ye of vast knowledge :P u cud do betr than that

Ok here is the issue with him....since he lives in paki and i live here in the US he still feels responsible for me. So right now he cannot afford my ticket to fly to India. That was never an issue to begin with...my uncle wants me to come and visit him and will happily provide the ticket... they (meaning my family) has never said anything insulting about my husband in regards to him not providing the ticket.

So my take of the situation is that I am flying down coz my family wants me to so my husband should not feel morally obligated to provide my ticket....other than his hurt ego I dnt see what else the issue can be

and when it comes down to trust....if he cannot trust me then there is no basis for our relationship to continute :(

maybe he's got an issue with goin to india and not ur family.......here in pakistan mums r usually "challak" :shifty: maybe he thinks that ur parents hav a problem wid him and theyre callin u to tie the knot wid someone else

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WOW is she experienced or what :lol: :lol: o ye of vast knowledge :P u cud do betr than that

maybe he's got an issue with goin to india and not ur family.......here in pakistan mums r usually "challak" :shifty: maybe he thinks that ur parents hav a problem wid him and theyre callin u to tie the knot wid someone else

Dude we are already married for god's sake :huh: :!!!: and his rishta came for me and of course my parents approve of him...I would have never gotten married without my parent's approval...n my MIL is in the US at my bro n sis in law's place.....m not sure if he even discussed this flying out issue with his parents.

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WOW is she experienced or what :lol: :lol: o ye of vast knowledge :P u cud do betr than that

I could come up with more dramatic scenarios - but without anymore info this is probably it with the addition of the sterotypical perpetual non stop worry about her meeting someone else.... which is where the man thinking that women think like men comes in...

maybe he's got an issue with goin to india and not ur family.......here in pakistan mums r usually "challak" :shifty: maybe he thinks that ur parents hav a problem wid him and theyre callin u to tie the knot wid someone else

You are prob right here. He is feeling very insecure being the husband with no access to his wife and her family - he is not sure of his status in their home or with her... like I said male insecurity :P

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I could come up with more dramatic scenarios - but without anymore info this is probably it with the addition of the sterotypical perpetual non stop worry about her meeting someone else.... which is where the man thinking that women think like men comes in...

You are prob right here. He is feeling very insecure being the husband with no access to his wife and her family - he is not sure of his status in their home or with her... like I said male insecurity :P

Nah...I think it's more of a male pride issue...now that I am married I am his responsibility so he will look less of a man if my family provides my ticket

Jeez I just wish men would stop thinking this way -_-

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Nah...I think it's more of a male pride issue...now that I am married I am his responsibility so he will look less of a man if my family provides my ticket

Jeez I just wish men would stop thinking this way -_-

Hmm... well you know him best, so that is probably it.

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