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In the Name of God بسم الله

Muslim sisters avoiding other Muslim sisters?

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(salam)

Okay, maybe this is just me, but quite a few times I've noticed this while I'm in class or on campus. Often, when a hijabi Muslim walks by, either she avoids me, doesn't return my salaam, or responds quietly and rushes off. Does this only happen to me? Being a minority in the west, it's reallyyyy nice to see someone who is your sister. But sometimes, it gets awkward when they.. ignore you :Hijabi:

Am I over thinking this?

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(salam)

Okay, maybe this is just me, but quite a few times I've noticed this while I'm in class or on campus. Often, when a hijabi Muslim walks by, either she avoids me, doesn't return my salaam, or responds quietly and rushes off. Does this only happen to me? Being a minority in the west, it's reallyyyy nice to see someone who is your sister. But sometimes, it gets awkward when they.. ignore you :Hijabi:

Am I over thinking this?

oho yeto bari ghalat baat hay, may be she avoids you because if she ll shake hand then next time u ll try to be her friend and then u ll keep an eye on her activities and then u ll be a spy on her and u ll inform her mother so na rahay MRizvi or na ho spying

Edited by Beloved
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  • Advanced Member
(salam)

Okay, maybe this is just me, but quite a few times I've noticed this while I'm in class or on campus. Often, when a hijabi Muslim walks by, either she avoids me, doesn't return my salaam, or responds quietly and rushes off. Does this only happen to me? Being a minority in the west, it's reallyyyy nice to see someone who is your sister. But sometimes, it gets awkward when they.. ignore you :Hijabi:

Am I over thinking this?

salam

no youre not overthinking it. i dont knwo what it is about some of these muslim girls either. maybe its a generational thing, i really dont know, but ive certainly experienced the same thing you have. the numbers of hijabis at universities have increased dramatically since my day (at least in my city). maybe they feel like they dont have/want to associate with other hijabis, or that they want to pick and choose their hijabi friends. maybe its some sort of prejudice. who knows. i just think a lot of their behaviour is childish and sometimes downright rude. you dont need to befriend them. if theyre ignoring you to the extent of not answering your salam, dear god! why would you want to associate with them? youre better off just making your own set of friends, hijabi or not.

I dont knwo what it is with teh ones that answer quiety and rush off either. Maybe theyre just incredibly shy? *shrug* honestly, who cares. The test is if you smile and say salam and she genuinely smiles and responds, then she may be worth your time. Otherwise, dont bother.

I understand that you feel like yorue a minority and that you may take comfort in those that are like you, but honestly, these girls can make you feel a lot worse than you already do/did.

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Next time after salam ask them an open ended question straight. I think people can be shy sometimes but if you ask a few questions im sure that will help break down some barriers.

It works for me when im in a place I don’t know anyone, next time they see you they you wont be a stranger, and it might take a bit more work but keep trying to talk to them.

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^ :lol:

Yeah i've noticed this too.. some hijaabi's are just soo weird.. you smile at them, and in response get a glare.. or sometimes they just look away and ignore the fact you smiled at them altogether. And i swear they only behave like that towards other hijaabi's :wacko:

Like Cary said, i wouldnt waste my time on them :rolleyes:

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Wow! I get the opposite! One day I was in Wal-mart and a hijabi lady not only smiled genuinely and gave me a salam, she ran up to me and hugged me! I'd have stayed and talked with her a bit, but I had to chase my son. He's very mobile in Wal-mart, so if y'all ever see the frazzled looking white hijabi lady with the two little blue-eyed boys, that's me and I'm not unfriendly, I'm just stressed out.

I will keep that in mind and watch for the blue eyes..... :!!!:

I think there is a recent trend on campus of some hijabis who are making a statement like they are in a clique or something. They are unapproachable to all except for the chosen few I guess.

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Salaam,

Ive experienced exactly the same thing and even after having a brief conversation with them they still seem like they dont want to know you.

I tend to find the girls who wear Hijab to be more stuck up then the girls who dont wear it.

Anyway if they behave like that with you then as previously said they really not worth your time!

:yaali:

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Some people are just really shy. They're not overtly expressive and feel like they may be annoying YOU if they come and talk to you.

There was a girl who I always felt shy to say salaam to, and when she said salaam to me, I just kind of smiled, said walaykum assalam, and then walked off. But I always wanted to get to know her- it wasn't until we met through a mutual friend that we got close. She was put off by me because she thought I was being stuck-up or whatever, but I was just really really shy. Alhamdullilah, we're really good friends now.

I'm working on it though- I know it's a fault with me. Just don't necessarily assume the worst when you meet other people who are like me- we are nice people, but just with faults ;)

Wasalaam

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^I've tried the hi thing too. Nopee.

But that's the thing, maybe not all of them are stuck up (though I'm convinced two of them definitely are! lol) maybe they're just shy. I'm not that shy around people who are like me hehe. So for the non-stuck up shy girls, I want to get to know them better! I seriously need better people to hang out with.

And I don't just want to avoid them everyyy time. That's so weird. There's this one girl in my history class. I haven't been to class in like a week, haa. I'll ask her to catch me up :D

Edited by MRizvi
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Some people are just really shy. They're not overtly expressive and feel like they may be annoying YOU if they come and talk to you.

There was a girl who I always felt shy to say salaam to, and when she said salaam to me, I just kind of smiled, said walaykum assalam, and then walked off. But I always wanted to get to know her- it wasn't until we met through a mutual friend that we got close. She was put off by me because she thought I was being stuck-up or whatever, but I was just really really shy. Alhamdullilah, we're really good friends now.

I'm working on it though- I know it's a fault with me. Just don't necessarily assume the worst when you meet other people who are like me- we are nice people, but just with faults ;)

Wasalaam

Maybe she thought you were obsessed with her shoes lol.

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Some people are just really shy. They're not overtly expressive and feel like they may be annoying YOU if they come and talk to you.

There was a girl who I always felt shy to say salaam to, and when she said salaam to me, I just kind of smiled, said walaykum assalam, and then walked off. But I always wanted to get to know her- it wasn't until we met through a mutual friend that we got close. She was put off by me because she thought I was being stuck-up or whatever, but I was just really really shy. Alhamdullilah, we're really good friends now.

I'm working on it though- I know it's a fault with me. Just don't necessarily assume the worst when you meet other people who are like me- we are nice people, but just with faults ;)

Wasalaam

Salam

I exactly, i agree. And sometimes you are just not feeling good at all and not smiley, so you might attempt a smile as you are walking by but it shows that its not real, so i guess it looks like you were being stuck up or rude.

A lot of people have a wayyyy off opinion of me before they get to know me, most are exactly the same, "stuck up, arrogant" etc. But i'd like to think im nothing of the like inshallah.

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^I've tried the hi thing too. Nopee.

But that's the thing, maybe not all of them are stuck up (though I'm convinced two of them definitely are! lol) maybe they're just shy. I'm not that shy around people who are like me hehe. So for the non-stuck up shy girls, I want to get to know them better! I seriously need better people to hang out with.

And I don't just want to avoid them everyyy time. That's so weird. There's this one girl in my history class. I haven't been to class in like a week, haa. I'll ask her to catch me up :D

Well say hi and try to get to know them a bit, if you can conclude they are permanently stuck up (which is true with most females), then just leave them alone.

Keep repeating this process till you find that someone special.

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Well say hi and try to get to know them a bit, if you can conclude they are permanently stuck up (which is true with most females), then just leave them alone.

Keep repeating this process till you find that someone special.

Some females will seem stuck up especially when it comes to talking to males but it might just be their way of being modest

:yaali:

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Just don't necessarily assume the worst when you meet other people who are like me- we are nice people, but just with faults ;)

gosh path, its almost always obvious when someone is shy. but honestly i dont have a lot of patience with the shy ones either. heck this one girl, when i talk to her she looks SO uncomfortable i feel like im torturing her by just speakign to her. also theres a HUGE difference between someone not initiating a salam or looking like they are writhing there on the spot from hives or somethign when you speak to them and someone who doesnt respond, or responds and gives you the fake :). lord i even had one girl turn her back to me as I was talking!

then i come back to my office and exclaim to my colleague how rude some people are, and she says ahhhh yes! the generation Y know nothing of manners! (tongue in cheek of course).

infotrac youre hilarious on giving advice on how to talk to hijabis. :!!!:

im sure we have a few self proclaimed hijabi whisperers here :D

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Yes I've had similar experiences... I was sooo excited to see other Muslim sisters when I first began covering my hair a few months ago. I thought for sure I'd be able to meet other Muslims that way. Well..... that hasn't quite been the case. Most don't make eye contact, even though I at least look at them and smile. Some give me a weird look when they think I'm not looking (I guess because I'm white...?). In only one or two instances I've been able to talk with some ONLY because they were with someone that I knew, who introduced us. Once in Walmart an African American Muslim woman said salam alaykum to me, and I was so surprised and caught off guard that I couldn't even respond for a few seconds. I had definitely gotten so used to being ignored by other Muslim women that I was completely taken aback when she talked to me! I guess I looked like the rude one then because I probably just had a dumbfounded look on my face in response, lol.

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I feel guilty now! My college is full of Muslims, we're at least 50% so seeing a hijabi is nothing to write home about. 

However I'm always rushing between classes that I really don't notice those around me. Chances are I'm also texting so it's like I'm in my own zone almost.

Usually in a class I'll sit by a fellow Muslim or sometimes at the library I'll strike up a conversation about how slow the printing is. Otherwise..I don't notice. Hopefully it doesn't come across as rude..

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I notice this too sometimes, I can't help but smile at people when I look at someone, sometimes I'll say salam to sisters if they're looking at me, but usually they just look away lol. I notice it's easier to make friends with non-muslims than it is with muslims, but maybe it's because most of my classes don't have any muslim sisters unfortinately.

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I got to a point, not so long ago, that I was so disgusted with Muslims that I really didn't want anything to do with them. I honestly started avoiding other Muslims when I would see them on campus, avoiding eye contact etc. Maybe you've got some grouches like me on campus.

I do notice a huge difference between Muslims of the Gen Y sort and younger and those of us who are closer to the Gen X generation (im at the tail end of Gen X). I think the younger ones have a different kind of Islamic identity and maybe just don't feel the need to connect so much.

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Well, I have that need to connect. I get genuinely happy when I see another Muslim anywhere outside of the family or masjid, so I guess I'm trying to figure out why some people don't :unsure:

Thanks for the all advice everyone. Will update you on what happens in class today! heheheheee

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It's because Muslim girls are boring.

Yes I'm going to be straightforward about it and if sisters get offended then oh well, but Muslim girls are so damn boring! It's like they think to be a "good pious Muslimah" you have to have absolutely no personality, never smile and always look miserable and like your in mourning, and everything is haraam and all you are trying to do is get guys attention!

"Oooh sister don't laugh too loud, that is haram and you will get guys attention, oooh sister, don't smile too much, you give the guys the wrong impression, oooh sister don't wear that many bracelets, the noise of them shaking will make the boys look at you" pfffft, stuff you and your lame advice.

And then they look at you weirdly and evil-ish when you have Non-Muslim friends. I made my first Muslim friends (SC Members Shay and Iman) just two years ago, prior to that I had none. At first I tried to stick "with my own kind" but eventually I made it a deliberate decision not to befriend my Muslim sisters for the reasons above. Is it honestly so hard to smile? And to have a conversation where you are not putting down another Muslimah for not being as good as you? And not to mention marriage in every third sentence?

I recall the exact moment I "barred" Muslim sisters from my life. It was first year of Uni when I joined the "Adventure Club"..it was a social group on campus were you can meet other students by partaking in adventurous activities together like kayaking, camping, skydiving, bushwalking etc etc, loool, my ears were burning afterwards, and suddenly I was hot-stuff amongst the Muslim sister circle but for all the wrong reasons. Each approached me giving me their opinion on why joining such a group isn't what Muslimahs should do, and all there reasons were so blah. After months of not returning a salaam or smiling they suddenly wanted to pass on sisterly advice???!!! Well blah to boring snobby sisters.

To OP, it may seem disheartening but as others have said, don't sweat it. Even better when they don't return your salaam turn around and bellow "well you just lost 70 hasanat" real smugly :P

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im sure we have a few self proclaimed hijabi whisperers here :D

I happen to be one of them Cary :).

So earliar today I went on the

and made a top 10 list. This is how it goes ladies:

TOP 10 SIGNS A HIJABI IS NOT BEFRIENDING YOU. . .

10. You make eye contact but you never smile. There is nothing worse then making intended eye contact without smiling! When making eye contact with a hijabi always smile and if she smiles back take the next step of saying "salam." If she doesnt smile back, do not say salam, gently walk away from her. If you make eye contact with your hijabi counterpart without smiling or saying hi, she will think you have a problem with her or there is something wrong with you. Therefore, never make eye contact if you have no intention of saying salam.

9. Your hijab doesn't even look like a hijab. Nothing is worse than wearing your hijab inappropriately and dressing inappropriately. In fact, a hijabi would prefer a non-hijabi over a fake hijabi. If you want to impress the hijabi, you should at least learn how to dress modestly.

8. She is envious of your looks. She thinks you're to beautiful and has a hard time being in your company. Jealousy is common trait among the hijabis.

7. You are to busy trying to figure our where she is from. You don't even know her name and you are asking her if she is Paki or Iraq. Honestly, it's very rude to ask them where they are from, especially if it's your first time meeting them. Hijabis follow a certain code of ethics. Respect it.

6. There may be a rumour circulating around about a particular hijabi. She does not want to do anything with the gheeba and is ready to attack any hijabi that spreads gheeba about her. The hijabis could be very dangerous when put together in the same school, work area, etc Naturally it becomes a survival of the "hijabiest."

5. The hijabi might mistake you for your weird sister Salima.

4. You spend to much of your time in the library trying to hit on the goodlooking Muslim brothers. Hijabis look for consistency. If you are not consistent in your actions, a hijabi will look for reasons not to befriend you.

3. The hijabi may have recognized your profile picture on facebook showing a girl and a vampire, and does not want to associate with any of the childish twilight fetish. A hijabi will not befriend a child.

2. Truth might hurt but the hijabi thinks you are to fat, ugly or have a unibrow and she has no interest in befriending you. I'm sorry, that is reality sometimes.

AND THE NUMBER 1 SIGN A HIJABI IS NOT BEFRIENDING YOU. .

1. YOU NEVER STOP CURSUING THE 3 CALIPHS! :D :Hijabi: :o

Thank you. I hope my list is helpful.

Edited by Whispers
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Oh man, Whispers, I know you were trying to be funny and all but that is one messed-up list.

How many ugly traits that list consists of is beyond a joke, jealousy, being judgemental, and not only that, the righteous, stuck-up nature of the list in general is a turn-off and the hijabi who goes by this checklist (whether it is real or not) needs a kick up the butt, I mean seriously, judging the sister by how many guys "she picks up in the library"...is the sister joining a sorority group or something and needs to be spyed on???

If the hijabi doesn't befriend the other hijabi cause of the factors you have listed then she has done the original hijabi a favour. That list is nothing but superficial, fake and embarassing. Seriously sisters...what happened to the sisterhood? Someone says salaam, say salaam back and go on your merry way, she's just being polite not asking to marry you.

Edited by RayRay
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RayRay, it was all meant for fun and jokes. Don't take any of it serious. Woah. .Is this the same RayRay that trashed the brightier side of Muslim sisters by saying that they are boring and have no sense of humour? But how can you say that when just a moment ago YOU took everything I said seriously, knowing that it was all a joke :lol:. Double standards?

And RayRay, it is not that hijabi sisters are boring. It is that they know their limits.

(wasalam)

Edited by Whispers
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RayRay, it was all meant for fun and jokes. Don't take any of it serious. Woah. .Is this the same RayRay that trashed the brightier side of Muslim sisters by saying that they are boring and have no sense of humour? But how can you say that when just a moment ago YOU took everything I said seriously, knowing that it was all a joke :lol:. Double standards?

And RayRay, it is not that hijabi sisters are boring. It is that they know their limits.

(wasalam)

Hijabi sisters know their limits? How does bushwalking, or kayaking, or smiling to another sister whom initiates conversation go past their limit? How does judging another, making assumptions, and not responding to a sallam confine to their limits?

(P.S my apologies if my response to your list was harsh...at my uni even though there wasn't a "list" per se I can definately say what you wrote of was put into practise, hence why I do not see the funny side of it at all. This is the crux of the issue, there are girls that think exactly as what you mentioned in your list).

Edited by RayRay
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It was first year of Uni when I joined the "Adventure Club"..it was a social group on campus were you can meet other students by partaking in adventurous activities together like kayaking, camping, skydiving, bushwalking etc etc

hey rayray if you know of a good place to camp and white water raft, let me know. i have an 8 person, 2 roomed tent i want to validate owning! id wanted to go white water rafting while in tassy during the christmas break but ran out of time. they also told me that they usually go after some rainfall, and that they hadnt had any recently, so no go on the fast flow.

Edited by Cary Grant
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(salam)

Yes I have also had many sisters who have avoided my salams. It's very frustrating. But what makes it even more annoying is that its usually the Shia sisters who do this (probably because theyre too scared that you're a Sunni and they dont want to befriend you). Its the sunni girls who usually return my salams and smiles and if they dont I'd probably interpret it that its because I'm shia lol. I don't worry too much about these people, but I've concluded that its the Shia girls who are the unfriendly ones. Why do the Shia always have to be so distant even amongst themsleves?!

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