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Gulam

Benefits of getting married

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Salam Alaikum,

I have just had an hour long debate with a good friend of mine who’s a Sunni.

His brothers and sisters don’t have great marriages; I think they could be better don’t know any details.

He says that in his community he can’t see any examples of successful marriage.

He says to me that apart from it being mustahabb he doesn’t see any benefits and is trying to avoid it as much as he can.

Also say that he’s happy with the way his life is (not married) and dosent want to change can’t see any benefits just potential problems.

Because hes a good friend of mine and a good person I tired for like an hour to explain the benefits of marriage but could not convince him.

He was bringing arguments like:

Gulam we were at uni together you’ve seen want Muslim girls can be like, even the ones who wear hijab you can never tell if shes a decent girl.

I can see were his coming form on this point but don’t agree with him told him about references, whats the family like, what the person knowledge on Islam, Islamic history everything. (understood my point still not happy)

Also I think this is were his brothers marriage has affected his thinking “girls these days don’t wana live with your parents, can be deceiving, before marriage they will say they are all of the above but in reality they are not. (compared it to a job interview where you wouldn’t say oh im moody etc )

I told him were gone continue this latter, I wanted to buy time see what your thoughts were, and any suggested arguments.

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(salam)

Well, I'd suggest that it is easier to see bad marriages than it is good marriages. People who are in bad marraiges usually complain or look miserable. People who are in good marriages just live their lives and don't talk about it much.

Most people also tend to view marriage and family issues based on what they see in their own immediate family, so it might be that there are some unhealthy habits or examples in his family (whether it is regarding spouse selection, spouse roles, etc) that have led to unhappy marriages.

If it really is a problem in his entire community, then maybe the entire community needs to do an overhaul about what is important in a marriage.

However in response to what htey are saying, if they are living in a society where it is common for married people to have their own place (and not live with his parents), I don't think that's an unreasonable request. If he can't afford living on his own, then maybe he needs to work on that.

Also if he really doesn't want to get married, there's no need to force it. He'll probably change his mind as he gets older anyway and wants to settle down.

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Here are some Ahadith that I have found, hopefully in relation to the benefits of marriage.

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "A two rak'at prayer that a married person establishes is worthier than when a bachelor keeps up prayers at nights and fasts during the days."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "The sleep of a married person is better with Allah (s.w.t) than an unmarried one who fasts during the day and keeps vigil at night, establishing prayers."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "(Mostly) the doers of good of my Ummah are the married ones, while the vicious of them are unmarried."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "The person who marries gains half of his faith, then he must fear of Allah (s.w.t) for the next remaining half."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "Most of the people of Hell will be the unmarried (irrespective of male or female)."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "The most depraved of your dead are the unmarried."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "He who wishes to be cleaned and purified when he meets Allah (s.w.t) should marry and have a spouse."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "Marry, otherwise you will be (counted) among the Christian monks or the brothers of Satan."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "The doors of Heaven to mercy will be opened in four situations: when it rains, when a child looks kindly at his parent's face, when the door of the Ka'bah is opened, and when marriage (occurs)."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "Join your children in marriage (boys or girls) because, thereby, Allah (s.w.t) renders their tempers good, adds to their sustenance, and increases their sense of honour."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "Get married and give your daughters in marriage, because it is from the good fortune of any Muslim man that he gives his (matured) daughter (or sister) in marriage."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) said: "There is nothing to Allah (s.w.t) more beloved than the house which is developed in Islam by marriage; and there is nothing to Allah (s.w.t) more abhorent than the house which is ruined in Islam by separation (e.g. divorce)."

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(bismillah)

(wasalam)

You don't need to force him, if u have tried and still he feels that marriage don't have much benefits then let it be like that. He definitely will ponder over what u said IMO its human nature, time changes people may be few years later he'll have different viewpoint regarding Marriage InshaAllah.

Good marriages are super easy to spot, they actually stand out in today's society.

Agree...

Wassalam.

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Salaams,

I agree with the fact that good marriages are easy to spot these days.

And if he is unsure he is better off waiting until there is certainty in his decisions.

That is were bad marriages began--when couples delve into a marriage not %100 sure

of each other.

It is so unfortunate in today's society the perception of marriage is so negative, many

cringe at the thought and prefer not to even think about committing.

Reality is marriage is a one-way ticket-no turning back!!

Especially for the true believing muslims --May Allah (swt) grant them all the best Amen!

-msunforgettable

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He says that in his community he can’t see any examples of successful marriage.

He says to me that apart from it being mustahabb he doesn’t see any benefits and is trying to avoid it as much as he can.

Also say that he’s happy with the way his life is (not married) and dosent want to change can’t see any benefits just potential problems.

lol; thats like meeee (:

dont like marriage,

would never wanna be married,

tbh, you really wont change his mind man, because marriage is like a life long thing and nobody else can convince him to do something that would have such a big impact on his life. loads have people have tried to change my mind, but its just not gonna happen! =/

and i know you mean it in good terms yeah but quoting all of the hadiths and stuff is good idea but it wont change his mind cos basically it is better that he gets married with his heart totally in it than just doing it so that his prayers are worth more, cos then married life will be messed up for him, and if hes like me he wont do it for that reason.

but i think that when he meets the right person, trust me, he will automatically change his mind.

but your a good mate, kudos (Y)

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Good marriages are super easy to spot, they actually stand out in today's society.

I agree, the unique are always obvious.

Getting married is a scary thought in todays world. I wonder if it used to be different..

Edited by Maryaam

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