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BintAlHoda

Impolite things to say to non born Muslims

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In my opinion, there are certain things that it is always IMPOLITE to say to strangers or acquaintances.

It does not matter whether they are a born Muslim, a non born Muslim, or someone of a different faith.

They are just not polite.

One of them I have been encountering recently is: 'Do you have much contact with your parents'?

I am aware that many people who come to Islam have family challenges. However, the question is still impolite. Generally, the asker is someone who would not get up and share all their family problems with strangers.

Additionally, I find the assumption (that you do or should have family problems) to be very inappropriate, especially since Islamic morality reminds us of the importance of family values.

Of course... I am not quite sure what to say back to people who come up with inappropriate questions, other than 'none of your business...' or 'how dare you ask that?'... but those aren't very polite themselves.

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Or how about when people say, "oh so you converted for your husband then." Like religion is something similar to one's choice of food or something. Or that I have no mind of my own...

Or a comment I got a few weeks ago, one of my students was incredulous that my religion was different from my parents. He said that his mom chose the family religion and everyone has to follow it (he's from Korea). He basically insinuated that I didn't have any respect for my family for going against their religion. I tried to explain that religion is a decision that should be each individual's choice, but he wasn't really buying it.

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In my opinion, there are certain things that it is always IMPOLITE to say to strangers or acquaintances.

It does not matter whether they are a born Muslim, a non born Muslim, or someone of a different faith.

They are just not polite.

One of them I have been encountering recently is: 'Do you have much contact with your parents'?

I am aware that many people who come to Islam have family challenges. However, the question is still impolite. Generally, the asker is someone who would not get up and share all their family problems with strangers.

Additionally, I find the assumption (that you do or should have family problems) to be very inappropriate, especially since Islamic morality reminds us of the importance of family values.

Of course... I am not quite sure what to say back to people who come up with inappropriate questions, other than 'none of your business...' or 'how dare you ask that?'... but those aren't very polite themselves.

Im guessing the culprits are mainly Iranians - very forward people at times. I have experiences of being patronised and slightly offended by Iranians in particular. Usually the 'FOBs' who, as their fellow Iranian, feel the need to advise me on how I should live my life in the country I was born and raised in. I don't think they get it that I know what I am doing, and the fact is, I know more than them as to how I should live an integrated life whilst not compromising my Islamic beliefs.

I could rant on - but I wont ^_^

I must admit - I could ask reverts a ton of questions if I wasn't careful, perhaps I am interested to know if I share any experiences given the fact that my Islamic upringing has been slightly unconventional. But I have to remind myself to not become like the very people I am complaining about - I must not become Iranian :lol:

Edited by keys2paradise

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Im guessing the culprits are mainly Iranians - very forward people at times.

Actually, I've gotten them from 'reverts' too. But also from Iranians and other nationalities :)

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Salaam

I'm not a revert or iranian lol

However I found what you said very funny because I dont understand why people would want to probe in to your family life, it's pretty embarassing :blush:

But I suppose I'm gulity of wanting to know what inspired converts to come to Islam :unsure:

I'll definetly keep what you said in mind next time I'm speaking to a convert lol

Take care

Edited by Progeny07

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intersting topic

i may ask some of these questions myself to a convert if i meet one

maybe because asking about a family is a habit where i come from and considred polite that you care to ask

the answer shouldnt be so detailed , things like -alhamdulle allh- or - thanks god that no one is thanked for discomfort except him-

it is just general answers to show some considration to their caring

but if they go investigating then that is a problem

well , at least im justfying my attitude if i was in such a situation i guess

but thanks for making us know , so we would be carfull next time :)

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I got many questions that werent not good...but the worst one is when they learn that im not arab, im a canadian convert, they asked me this "Oh so ur married to a muslim then?" then i said no. Then they said "ohh so ur boyfriend is muslim?" Then again i said no and tell them that in islam boyfriend/girlfriend relationships is haram. Then they said " yea...right....wink wink!"

Honestly i found it so insulting and i was so upset (im not offend so much by theses remarks from non muslims because they probably have no idea, but i am upset and offend by this when muslims said it)

But i did have funny comments that i just want to reply with a stupid answer but i dont. Like a couples of weeks before, i was waiting at the bus stop in front of my appartements bulding. There was a men (he muslim) who came to wait for the bus also. He live in the same bulding then me, i knew that because i saw him often in the bulding and he did see me often too. He was behind me n start talking to me in arabic. I tho he was talking to someone else so i just ignore him. Then after a couples of secondes he ask me "Are u arab?" So i told him no. Then he ask the usual question "where are u from" So i reply that im canadian. Then he told me the thing i didnt except "Oh and u wear the hijab! You know the hijab? What ur wrearing over ur head is a hijab!" Then i was like....yes i wear hijab. A week later, he saw me in the bulding again and he told me "Oh i know ur canadian! You know u wear hijab?"

I didnt know what i was suppose to said...

But from non muslims (espicially from my family) it just funny: one day my cousoin came and ask me : "so if no mens (who are not ur family) are allow to see u without hijab, so when u get married one day, where would ur hubsand sleep?" I couldnt help it, so i said "ohh i sleep in one room and he will sleep in other room" For a moment she was so shock then my uncle (her father) told her that we will sleep in the same bed lol.

ya Allah

that is really an insult :squeez: , no one should say such a thing to a muslim woman with hijab or without it

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Some of the questions I love to ask CONVERTS are :

So now that you're a muslim do you feel it's your duty to guide the people who have been brought up as Muslims to the true interpretation....well the convert interpretation of Islam and abolish all cultural practices that you cannot relate to?

So being a white person...........you must have a REAL boring iftar then?

Does it hurt not being able to pronounce certain words correctly?

Have you and other CONVERT friends gotten together in the last few months to establish a CONVERT society or centre, or even discussed how you can move forward as non-brown people ??

Mashallah you are from the Carribean???????!!!! ...Is your name Bilal ??

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Some of the questions I love to ask CONVERTS are :

So now that you're a muslim do you feel it's your duty to guide the people who have been brought up as Muslims to the true interpretation....well the convert interpretation of Islam and abolish all cultural practices that you cannot relate to?

So being a white person...........you must have a REAL boring iftar then?

Does it hurt not being able to pronounce certain words correctly?

Have you and other CONVERT friends gotten together in the last few months to establish a CONVERT society or centre, or even discussed how you can move forward as non-brown people ??

Mashallah you are from the Carribean???????!!!! ...Is your name Bilal ??

ur just jealous :Hijabi:

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(bismillah)

(salam)

I love when people ask me that. :)

And for some strange reason, sister, I like hearing their stories. Makes me feel... I dunno... warm and fuzzy inside. :)

When does a revert stop being a revert and start being just muslim?

Hmmm... they don't. I mean they don't stop being reverts (hope that doesn't insult anyone). But they are muslim the moment they reverted. And that's what counts, brother/sister. (I'm raised muslim, btw)

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Like the brother said, reverts muslims will allways be reverts. Everyone is born muslims but some parents (non muslims) change the religion of their childrens. So when the person become muslim, they actually return to the religion of God wich they were born into (Islam), so in other word, they revert to islam.

if i may clarify, i believe what the person above meant to say is 'when do you just start being a muslim and not a hyphenated-muslim?' and that it is annoying to be referred to as a member of a subgroup rather than just as a 'muslim' which is what we are before Allah swt.

for example, some people immigrated from china to america in the 1800's. several generations were born in america. when do they start being 'americans' and stop being 'chinese-americans'?

similarly, when do you stop being 'muhammad the revert' and just be 'muhammad the muslim'? u know, like not being treated like u r different?

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But from non muslims (espicially from my family) it just funny: one day my cousoin came and ask me : "so if no mens (who are not ur family) are allow to see u without hijab, so when u get married one day, where would ur hubsand sleep?" I couldnt help it, so i said "ohh i sleep in one room and he will sleep in other room"

And after husband and wife have made enough prayers, God send them a baby through and Angel and that's how I came to this world :unsure: , I was told :squeez: .

:!!!: :P :lol: :Hijabi:

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Guest JacobM
similarly, when do you stop being 'muhammad the revert' and just be 'muhammad the muslim'? u know, like not being treated like u r different?

Depends on the community. I knew a blonde hair/blue eyed brother who had been muslim longer than the majority of people in the room and he was still viewed as a revert. :( People who were visiting the masjid during Ramadan would always come up to him and ask him when he became muslim.

I think adopting a non-christian name and being able to speak Arabic helps out a lot. I used to belong to a salafi masjid and our imam was a blue eyed american revert. However, he had converted when he was a teenager and took on an arabic name. No one ever viewed him as a revert. The fact that he could converse with arabs in their native language made them adopt him as one of their own and it thoroughly impressed the brothers from pakistan.

Anyway, I really think the problem will go away after more Americans adopt the faith. African-American muslims are starting to lose the whole 'new' muslim label and be accepted as 'authentic' muslims. (sadly, a lot of arabs for a long time viewed african-americans as 'fake' muslims :angry: ) I knew a brother who never told anyone he was a revert because he had shame in it. :cry:

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The worst questions are:

1. The whole what do your parents think thing, because to me there is no ok way to say "We no longer speak" without being judged.

2. Did you have "boyfriends" before you were muslim? (what they really want to know is "how many boys did you sleep with before becoming Muslim?")

3. Is it hard to stop drinking alcohol all the time? (Actually, ma'am, I have never tasted alcohol) :angel:

4. Is it hard to give up pork? (Really? I think that is such a trivial thing to be concerned with... there are more difficult things to deal with, and besides that, it is worth giving up anything to get closer to Allah....)

5. Why do you wear hijab? (Duh...)

6. Can you make curry/kabobs/couscous/hummus/roti? (I converted to ISLAM not Pakistani/Arab culture.... culture is a beautiful thing, but that is not my culture. It is OK that I make meatloaves and casseroles and lasagna...)

7. Can you speak arabic/urdu/farsi? (Really?)

8. When will you change your name? (I did not know it was a requirement...)

Questions I like being asked:

1. What guided you to Islam?

2. What is your favorite surah/hadith etc?

3. HOW CAN I HELP YOU (for the newbies... so many want you to become muslim, and then dissapear after the shahada.... so little help available!)

General rude questions:

1. How much did you pay for that?

2. That is a pretty (insert word here) can I have it?

3. Why aren't you married/have kids/ have more kids? :!!!: Really? how about BUTT OUT!

4. Or when people meet me and think I don't know ANYTHING and try to "teach" me something I already know... it is a better idea not to assume things about converts! We may know more than you assume we do!

Sorry for the rant....

Edited by texas_muslimah

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Depends on the community. I knew a blonde hair/blue eyed brother who had been muslim longer than the majority of people in the room and he was still viewed as a revert. :( People who were visiting the masjid during Ramadan would always come up to him and ask him when he became muslim.

I think adopting a non-christian name and being able to speak Arabic helps out a lot. I used to belong to a salafi masjid and our imam was a blue eyed american revert. However, he had converted when he was a teenager and took on an arabic name. No one ever viewed him as a revert. The fact that he could converse with arabs in their native language made them adopt him as one of their own and it thoroughly impressed the brothers from pakistan.

Anyway, I really think the problem will go away after more Americans adopt the faith. African-American muslims are starting to lose the whole 'new' muslim label and be accepted as 'authentic' muslims. (sadly, a lot of arabs for a long time viewed african-americans as 'fake' muslims :angry: ) I knew a brother who never told anyone he was a revert because he had shame in it. :cry:

The younger one is when they revert and the type of environment they are in will mostly determine whether they pick up a second language or not (Arabic/Urdu/Farsi, etc).

That is why those who revert when teenagers or young adults and are around mostly Arabic/Urdu/Farsi tend to pick up the language or alot more of the language that someone who reverts when they are in their 30s or 40s. I think that if someone wants to engage a revert in conversation, they should choose the language that is most comfortable for that person, and a revert should not be judged on whether they know a second language or not. As long as they can do the wajib salat in Arabic, that is enough to know. If they want to learn more, that is good but people are in different circumstances and some are too busy 'keeping their head above water' and don't have time for much extracirricular activities.

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like the saying:

there are many ways to the top of a mountain, once you get to the top the scenery below is the same.

all of us have one destination, some have it the hard routes, some may even have an easy route, steep routes, rocky routes,muddy routes but when we all reach our destination it's one (swt)

i didn't know, reverts and espcially people from different races get all kinds of questions posed to them, wel i've almost never thought about it, i'd say it's very less frequent that a non-muslim asks many questions about islam, these are almost opportunities for you to defend islam or even guide and open somone elses heart,

The reason why i am saying this, many times at work i really wanted to speak about islam, to my non muslim work colleagues, but it was hard to find a way to begin the topic.

you have many advantages for being what you are. People question you, whether its in a bad way or good, they are still questioning, opening many doors of opportunity to spread the word.

So there is a positive side to it too, its not all negative, the negativity you see is your fight to be strong and patient which is part of your deen and you will be inshallah rewarded for it. Your struggles will never be thrown away.

i have never seen other side of the story before, seems like alot of pressure.

its good to be different, you're all unique.

mashallah

Edited by alialiali

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(bismillah)

(wasalam)

I agree with many of the above sisters.

I think it's EXTREMELY offensive to ask a sister, whether or not she wears hijaab, wears abayah, wears niqaab, etc, if she converted for her husband or boyfriend. I feel that this assumption basically says that a woman can't have a brain of her own and that a woman cannot be sincere in her faith or practice a religion unless it's to make a man happy.

NO ONE has the right to judge and assume things. You don't know her/his life, you don't know what they've gone through or how they came to islaam.

"Why did you convert?" is a good question, it shows curiosity as to how someone learned about Islaam, but don't pair it with the assumption that it was all for another person.

Next issue: If a convert wants to learn something, they'll ask you. You don't need to say "Let me know if you have any questions." If I don't know, or if I want to learn about Islaam, I'll go to someone I feel is qualified enough to answer. You don't to assume I don't know anything just because I wasn't raised as a Muslim. This isn't to be arrogant, but I find people saying this to revert Muslims who might actually know more than those raised as Muslims! Again, don't make assumptions. Whether it's a lack of sincerity in their deen or it's regarding how educated they are about Islaam. Don't assume.

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Questions I like being asked:

1. What guided you to Islam?

2. What is your favorite surah/hadith etc?

3. HOW CAN I HELP YOU (for the newbies... so many want you to become muslim, and then dissapear after the shahada.... so little help available!)

Next issue: If a convert wants to learn something, they'll ask you. You don't need to say "Let me know if you have any questions." If I don't know, or if I want to learn about Islaam, I'll go to someone I feel is qualified enough to answer. You don't to assume I don't know anything just because I wasn't raised as a Muslim. This isn't to be arrogant, but I find people saying this to revert Muslims who might actually know more than those raised as Muslims! Again, don't make assumptions. Whether it's a lack of sincerity in their deen or it's regarding how educated they are about Islaam. Don't assume.

(salam)

Conflicting much?

I personally think its always good to say, "just tell me if you are unsure of anything", this doesn't mean that the person thinks you don't know Islam well, it just means s/he is there if you need any help. The intention is right.

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(salam)

Conflicting much?

I personally think its always good to say, "just tell me if you are unsure of anything", this doesn't mean that the person thinks you don't know Islam well, it just means s/he is there if you need any help. The intention is right.

It's different if you JUST took shahada a few hours, days, weeks, or even months ago. But when you've been a convert for 3 years and up, I think it's at that point where others shouldn't say that to you. The intention may be right, but the phrase can still be pretty offensive because of what it implies.

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It's different if you JUST took shahada a few hours, days, weeks, or even months ago. But when you've been a convert for 3 years and up, I think it's at that point where others shouldn't say that to you. The intention may be right, but the phrase can still be pretty offensive because of what it implies.

That is true.

And i dont think the two statements conflict, because the first one was "how can I help you", which is something you can ask anyone for any reason.

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(bismillah)

(wasalam)

I agree with many of the above sisters.

I think it's EXTREMELY offensive to ask a sister, whether or not she wears hijaab, wears abayah, wears niqaab, etc, if she converted for her husband or boyfriend. I feel that this assumption basically says that a woman can't have a brain of her own and that a woman cannot be sincere in her faith or practice a religion unless it's to make a man happy.

NO ONE has the right to judge and assume things. You don't know her/his life, you don't know what they've gone through or how they came to islaam.

"Why did you convert?" is a good question, it shows curiosity as to how someone learned about Islaam, but don't pair it with the assumption that it was all for another person.

Next issue: If a convert wants to learn something, they'll ask you. You don't need to say "Let me know if you have any questions." If I don't know, or if I want to learn about Islaam, I'll go to someone I feel is qualified enough to answer. You don't to assume I don't know anything just because I wasn't raised as a Muslim. This isn't to be arrogant, but I find people saying this to revert Muslims who might actually know more than those raised as Muslims! Again, don't make assumptions. Whether it's a lack of sincerity in their deen or it's regarding how educated they are about Islaam. Don't assume.

the hijaab thing, you obviously are refering to somone online or on the phone, somone who cannot see you. umm somone who may not know you to ask you(also you not knowing them ythat wel) if you wear it or not. You have to understand, Not all women wear hijab,even reverted or born as muslim, so people tend to ask especially online or on the phone. A sister asking another sister on the phone or online, "do you wear a hijab" can be a good thing, if you don't wear one she may tell you to wear it and why (look at the positive side). Since you may not know the person and you dislike the person asking about you wearing a hijab, i don't know where the dislike is, from the tone of the voice? from the thought that you may not be weairng one because you have accepted islam for 3 years? some women don't wear hijab even being in islam for most of their lives, or maybe is it haram islamically to ask a sister who you cannot see if she wears a hijab or not?

And yes pleasing the husband, women gain many benefits, not to please her husband the lady loses out alot, theres hadiths on this.......

tis true that some women do revert for another person (husband), why do you think this question is raised. isn't it obvious? im sure you must hear it all the time such and such converted for her husband, it's nothing new. whether its the incorrect way or the correct way it happens, and i would agree its non of the others business to know if one correctly accepted islam or not and how.

like the saying, there are many ways to the top of a mountain, short routes, long routes, steep routes, rocky routes, sliperly routes, muddy routes, but once you get to the top, which ever route you chose, the view below os the same, Allah akber

It's different if you JUST took shahada a few hours, days, weeks, or even months ago. But when you've been a convert for 3 years and up, I think it's at that point where others shouldn't say that to you. The intention may be right, but the phrase can still be pretty offensive because of what it implies.

again sister, people don't knwo you and you don't know them, Only Allah is the judge, it doesn't matter how many years you been a muslim, 1 ,2 ,3 100, some muslims have been muslims for 50 years yet they know less then a 14 year old, you cannot judge yourself and others by counting the years of being a muslim (like the saying people have added years to their lives but no life to the years). All are equal, whether you are white, black, old, young, there are muslims out there that do help other brother and sisters, if you show to the muslims who ask

about "if you wear a hijab or not" that it's wrong to ask this, you may infact be stopping the spread of islam as some people who don't wear may begin to wear it, but because of your complaints this word would not get out.

for you:

Q do you wear hijab? yes, (didn't even take a second to reply yes)

Qdid you revert for somone? no

why did you become a muslim? share your knowledge here, best opportunity

but in your case

don't ask that hijab question, it'ss rudeee!!!!!

......................................................

for a muslim who doesn't wear hijab

Q do you wear a hijab? no

Q ok, why not? i can't do it, it's far to hard

here sister, i'l explain the importance of wearing a hijab..............................

you see lol its not that hard, so people benefit form these questions, don't stop muslims from helping other muslims, and lastly if we all just shutup and not ask others if they need help, i mean come on people, you are against people offering help towards islam? are you feeling ok? which islam do you follow that shows its haram to offer support and help to a reverted muslim for 3 years more or less? or even where does it show its haram at all to offer help?

i give up, just remeber the hadith after the battle of jamal in naahjal balagah, maula (saw) talk about a few things in there, mashallah.

t c

Edited by alialiali

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the hijaab thing, you obviously are refering to somone online or on the phone, somone who cannot see you. umm somone who may not know you to ask you(also you not knowing them ythat wel) if you wear it or not. You have to understand, Not all women wear hijab,even reverted or born as muslim, so people tend to ask especially online or on the phone. A sister asking another sister on the phone or online, "do you wear a hijab" can be a good thing, if you don't wear one she may tell you to wear it and why (look at the positive side). Since you may not know the person and you dislike the person asking about you wearing a hijab, i don't know where the dislike is, from the tone of the voice? from the thought that you may not be weairng one because you have accepted islam for 3 years? some women don't wear hijab even being in islam for most of their lives, or maybe is it haram islamically to ask a sister who you cannot see if she wears a hijab or not?

And yes pleasing the husband, women gain many benefits, not to please her husband the lady loses out alot, theres hadiths on this.......

tis true that some women do revert for another person (husband), why do you think this question is raised. isn't it obvious? im sure you must hear it all the time such and such converted for her husband, it's nothing new. whether its the incorrect way or the correct way it happens, and i would agree its non of the others business to know if one correctly accepted islam or not and how.

like the saying, there are many ways to the top of a mountain, short routes, long routes, steep routes, rocky routes, sliperly routes, muddy routes, but once you get to the top, which ever route you chose, the view below os the same, Allah akber

again sister, people don't knwo you and you don't know them, Only Allah is the judge, it doesn't matter how many years you been a muslim, 1 ,2 ,3 100, some muslims have been muslims for 50 years yet they know less then a 14 year old, you cannot judge yourself and others by counting the years of being a muslim (like the saying people have added years to their lives but no life to the years). All are equal, whether you are white, black, old, young, there are muslims out there that do help other brother and sisters, if you show to the muslims who ask

about "if you wear a hijab or not" that it's wrong to ask this, you may infact be stopping the spread of islam as some people who don't wear may begin to wear it, but because of your complaints this word would not get out.

for you:

Q do you wear hijab? yes, (didn't even take a second to reply yes)

Qdid you revert for somone? no

why did you become a muslim? share your knowledge here, best opportunity

but in your case

don't ask that hijab question, it'ss rudeee!!!!!

......................................................

for a muslim who doesn't wear hijab

Q do you wear a hijab? no

Q ok, why not? i can't do it, it's far to hard

here sister, i'l explain the importance of wearing a hijab..............................

you see lol its not that hard, so people benefit form these questions, don't stop muslims from helping other muslims, and lastly if we all just shutup and not ask others if they need help, i mean come on people, you are against people offering help towards islam? are you feeling ok? which islam do you follow that shows its haram to offer support and help to a reverted muslim for 3 years more or less? or even where does it show its haram at all to offer help?

i give up, just remeber the hadith after the battle of jamal in naahjal balagah, maula (saw) talk about a few things in there, mashallah.

t c

Brother, I was talking about all these issues in person, not online and not on the phone. I think you didn't really get my point about hijaab. If a woman does wear hijaab or she doesn't wear hijaab, you don't need to assume she has no knowledge of Islaam. If anything asking her if she would like to discuss the issues is one thing, then you can see how much knowledge she does actually have, but just because she's a revert doesn't make her inferior.

You are not a woman, you are not a revert - we know what we feel is rude so take it from us.

And I do find it EXTREMELY offensive for someone to ask if you "reverted" for someone else. Your deen is for ALLAAH not for a man. So i see this as an accusation, not as a general question.

And actually, I wear niqaab and I have been Muslim longer than 3 years. I was giving an example. Don't jump to assumptions brother.

Let's make it clear what "converting for the husband" actually means, it means a woman doesn't really believe in Islaam and is only changing her actions and/or dress for her husband and/or his family. Thus she is not even a Muslim and on top of this I see her as a fake and a coward. So, this is a strong accusation to make.

Also, why are you even bringing up 'there are hadeeth about pleasing the husband' yes I know this bro, but changing your belief in GOD for a man is not going to please Allaah. Everything we do is for the sake of Allaah, and if it's not then it doesn't count. If you're pleasing your husband for the sake of Allaah, alhamdulillah, but if you're converting to please him, that means nothing because you have no real belief in Allaah in the first place.

Overall, I feel you really misunderstood the point of my post.

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"Impolite things to say to non born Muslims but who have converted out of love"

Let's make it clear what "converting for the husband" actually means, it means a woman doesn't really believe in Islaam and is only changing her actions and/or dress for her husband and/or his family. Thus she is not even a Muslim and on top of this I see her as a fake and a coward. So, this is a strong accusation to make.

^^

That

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Brother, I was talking about all these issues in person, not online and not on the phone. I think you didn't really get my point about hijaab. If a woman does wear hijaab or she doesn't wear hijaab, you don't need to assume she has no knowledge of Islaam. If anything asking her if she would like to discuss the issues is one thing, then you can see how much knowledge she does actually have, but just because she's a revert doesn't make her inferior.

You are not a woman, you are not a revert - we know what we feel is rude so take it from us.

And I do find it EXTREMELY offensive for someone to ask if you "reverted" for someone else. Your deen is for ALLAAH not for a man. So i see this as an accusation, not as a general question.

And actually, I wear niqaab and I have been Muslim longer than 3 years. I was giving an example. Don't jump to assumptions brother.

Let's make it clear what "converting for the husband" actually means, it means a woman doesn't really believe in Islaam and is only changing her actions and/or dress for her husband and/or his family. Thus she is not even a Muslim and on top of this I see her as a fake and a coward. So, this is a strong accusation to make.

Also, why are you even bringing up 'there are hadeeth about pleasing the husband' yes I know this bro, but changing your belief in GOD for a man is not going to please Allaah. Everything we do is for the sake of Allaah, and if it's not then it doesn't count. If you're pleasing your husband for the sake of Allaah, alhamdulillah, but if you're converting to please him, that means nothing because you have no real belief in Allaah in the first place.

Overall, I feel you really misunderstood the point of my post.

i misunderstood you? lol why would somone ask you in person if you wear a hijab, unless that persons blind? common sense,,, for somone to ask you in person if you wear a hijab and you are wearing one? lol isn't it a great question to ask. So my assumption for somone to ask you do you wear hijab was due to this, either the asking person has never seen you, never looked at you lol, is blind or just didnt know what a hijab looks like.

some muslim men with beards have less knowledge then some muslims without beards, same with hijabs, just because you been reverted to islam for soo many years, or one has a hijab or a beard, it doesn't means nothing, when one sees an elderly person you may try and give help and assistance, that elderly maybe perfectly fine and mobile, but again you are offering help whether this elderly person needs it or not, you have done your bit to please Allah.

for a person to offer a hijabi,revert,muslim help even on the basics of islam is a good deed both ways, however if the intention for the offering is to upset the person purpously then things change, its alllllll abouttttttt theeeeeee INTENTION.

"Let's make it clear what "converting for the husband" actually means, it means a woman doesn't really believe in Islaam and is only changing her actions and/or dress for her husband and/or his family. Thus she is not even a Muslim and on top of this I see her as a fake and a coward"

now thats very judgmental, muslims dont say things like that (even in the basics of islam, we are taught that). whom ever converts for her husband is a kafar? you do not call another muslim brother and sister a disbeliever/non-muslim, you've called many who have reverted to islam in that one statment as kafirs. Where does it even say it's wrong to revert to islam out of love?

the lady whom converted for her husband (through her husband from the will of Allah swt), only Allah knows the Truth if shes a true believer or not, humans like you and me are not allowed to make judgments like that, she maybe more then a muslim then you are or vice versa, lets leave the judgments to Allah. The basics in religon teach us this. On one hand you're saying people offering you help should know your wearing hijab and your a muslim for many years and should not make judgments about you that you lack knowledge (by offering help). Then on the other hand you're calling all women who reverted to islam as non-muslim for reverting out of love? atleast the offerer of help regarded and respected you as a muslim, where as you have automatically judged all reverted women out of love to be non-muslim?

Your right i'm not a woman maybe thats part of the reason you think i misunderstood you.

you're right i don't know what a revert feels, everyone has their own experiences, believe it or not even born muslims, especially shias have many problems too. What i do know is, the woman reverted for a reason, it dosen't matter for her what others think as only Allah is her judge. Somone asking questions about her wearing hijab or saying did you convert for you husband. I agree people may ask you questions like these to annoy you, even out of jealousy, as this may be their true intention. But compare the questions to what reverted muslims have gained? you've gained a path of truth. muslims whether reverted or not go through many struggles and obstacles, abuses, persecutions, even by other muslims. There are bigger things to worry about too.

But one should try also to look at the positives not just the negatives. thats all i'm saying. so when one questions or offers help, its not about the offering, its about the intention behind it. Don't place all on the same boat, positive thinking....................

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i misunderstood you? lol why would somone ask you in person if you wear a hijab, unless that persons blind? common sense,,, for somone to ask you in person if you wear a hijab and you are wearing one? lol isn't it a great question to ask. So my assumption for somone to ask you do you wear hijab was due to this, either the asking person has never seen you, never looked at you lol, is blind or just didnt know what a hijab looks like.

some muslim men with beards have less knowledge then some muslims without beards, same with hijabs, just because you been reverted to islam for soo many years, or one has a hijab or a beard, it doesn't means nothing, when one sees an elderly person you may try and give help and assistance, that elderly maybe perfectly fine and mobile, but again you are offering help whether this elderly person needs it or not, you have done your bit to please Allah.

for a person to offer a hijabi,revert,muslim help even on the basics of islam is a good deed both ways, however if the intention for the offering is to upset the person purpously then things change, its alllllll abouttttttt theeeeeee INTENTION.

"Let's make it clear what "converting for the husband" actually means, it means a woman doesn't really believe in Islaam and is only changing her actions and/or dress for her husband and/or his family. Thus she is not even a Muslim and on top of this I see her as a fake and a coward"

now thats very judgmental, muslims dont say things like that (even in the basics of islam, we are taught that). whom ever converts for her husband is a kafar? you do not call another muslim brother and sister a disbeliever/non-muslim, you've called many who have reverted to islam in that one statment as kafirs. Where does it even say it's wrong to revert to islam out of love?

the lady whom converted for her husband (through her husband from the will of Allah swt), only Allah knows the Truth if shes a true believer or not, humans like you and me are not allowed to make judgments like that, she maybe more then a muslim then you are or vice versa, lets leave the judgments to Allah. The basics in religon teach us this. On one hand you're saying people offering you help should know your wearing hijab and your a muslim for many years and should not make judgments about you that you lack knowledge (by offering help). Then on the other hand you're calling all women who reverted to islam as non-muslim for reverting out of love? atleast the offerer of help regarded and respected you as a muslim, where as you have automatically judged all reverted women out of love to be non-muslim?

Your right i'm not a woman maybe thats part of the reason you think i misunderstood you.

you're right i don't know what a revert feels, everyone has their own experiences, believe it or not even born muslims, especially shias have many problems too. What i do know is, the woman reverted for a reason, it dosen't matter for her what others think as only Allah is her judge. Somone asking questions about her wearing hijab or saying did you convert for you husband. I agree people may ask you questions like these to annoy you, even out of jealousy, as this may be their true intention. But compare the questions to what reverted muslims have gained? you've gained a path of truth. muslims whether reverted or not go through many struggles and obstacles, abuses, persecutions, even by other muslims. There are bigger things to worry about too.

But one should try also to look at the positives not just the negatives. thats all i'm saying. so when one questions or offers help, its not about the offering, its about the intention behind it. Don't place all on the same boat, positive thinking....................

Salam Alaykom

With all due respect brother, you are misunderstanding some of the points being raised. Perhaps if I give you an explicit example, then you might begin to appreciate just what converts/reverts have to put up with.

Me waiting at a train station alone after saying goodbye to my husband, weird man starts staring at me in a very intrusive manner so I take out my mobile phone and pretend I have a call. I can see he is trying to catch my attention to talk to me but I keep talking to myself on the phone hoping he will realise I am talking to my husband. I start walking away from him down the platform. He follows, so I walk the other way again. Now I start wishing my husband is here with me for real, I have run out of things to say to myself on the phone so I put it down and stand near to another person coz he is creeping me out.

Finally he does get it off his chest what he is wanting to say

Weird man - "Excuse me, are you muslim"

Me - "Yes"

Weird man says something in arabic

Me - "I don't speak arabic"

Weird man - "Where are you from?

Me - Here, the UK"

Weird man's eyes light up with excitement - "Here, the UK?! Can you tell me YOUR STORY, how did you become muslim? Of course you are married yes"?

Me - "Yes I AM MARRIED" *make sure I said that clearly and flash my ring*

Weird man - "Oh so, did you become muslim for your husband?

Me losing patience wondering why I am even entertaining this conversation - "No I have always been muslim"

Weird man - "Oh but you said that"..... *very confused look*

Train approaching...I thank the Lord and walk off to get ready to board. He follows me as if he wants to finish the conversation but I do my best to lose him and sit in a different carriage.

This short conversation was stupid and inappropriate on so many levels...the insulting assumptions he made were

1. You have white skin and you said you are from the UK, so let me just check that u are muslim even though u are wearing hijab ("Are you muslim")

2. He assumed I am a convert and that I might enlighten him with my conversion story, I cannot believe he was bold enough to ask a random na-mahram "can u tell me your story". I am not a convert, and if I were then why on earth do you think I should tell you about it, a random male?

3. When he realised I was married and because he thinks I am a convert, he puts two and two together and asks whether I have become muslim for my husband. All very romantic but can be insulting to ladies who are single converts and those who became muslims long before they met their husbands.

I sympathise with people that become muslims because they must get this alot, it seems like other muslims don't want to let them shed that 'convert/new muslim' label. I only get mistaken for being a convert once in a while, but that just gives me a little taster of the intrusive questions people ask. Sometimes people don't want to offer advice, they just want to be nosey and hear your "story" as the above example shows. Muslims need to realise that some converts might be uncomfortable with that when meeting strangers. I know I am, and I don't even have a story to tell :lol:

Edited by keys2paradise

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Salam Alaykom

With all due respect brother, you are misunderstanding some of the points being raised. Perhaps if I give you an explicit example, then you might begin to appreciate just what converts/reverts have to put up with.

Me waiting at a train station alone after saying goodbye to my husband, weird man starts staring at me in a very intrusive manner so I take out my mobile phone and pretend I have a call. I can see he is trying to catch my attention to talk to me but I keep talking to myself on the phone hoping he will realise I am talking to my husband. I start walking away from him down the platform. He follows, so I walk the other way again. Now I start wishing my husband is here with me for real, I have run out of things to say to myself on the phone so I put it down and stand near to another person coz he is creeping me out.

Finally he does get it off his chest what he is wanting to say

Weird man - "Excuse me, are you muslim"

Me - "Yes"

Weird man says something in arabic

Me - "I don't speak arabic"

Weird man - "Where are you from?

Me - Here, the UK"

Weird man's eyes light up with excitement - "Here, the UK?! Can you tell me YOUR STORY, how did you become muslim? Of course you are married yes"?

Me - "Yes I AM MARRIED" *make sure I said that clearly and flash my ring*

Weird man - "Oh so, did you become muslim for your husband?

Me losing patience wondering why I am even entertaining this conversation - "No I have always been muslim"

Weird man - "Oh but you said that"..... *very confused look*

Train approaching...I thank the Lord and walk off to get ready to board. He follows me as if he wants to finish the conversation but I do my best to lose him and sit in a different carriage.

This short conversation was stupid and inappropriate on so many levels...the insulting assumptions he made were

1. You have white skin and you said you are from the UK, so let me just check that u are muslim even though u are wearing hijab ("Are you muslim")

2. He assumed I am a convert and that I might enlighten him with my conversion story, I cannot believe he was bold enough to ask a random na-mahram "can u tell me your story". I am not a convert, and if I were then why on earth do you think I should tell you about it, a random male?

3. When he realised I was married and because he thinks I am a convert, he puts two and two together and asks whether I have become muslim for my husband. All very romantic but can be insulting to ladies who are single converts and those who became muslims long before they met their husbands.

I sympathise with people that become muslims because they must get this alot, it seems like other muslims don't want to let them shed that 'convert/new muslim' label. I only get mistaken for being a convert once in a while, but that just gives me a little taster of the intrusive questions people ask. Sometimes people don't want to offer advice, they just want to be nosey and hear your "story" as the above example shows. Muslims need to realise that some converts might be uncomfortable with that when meeting strangers. I know I am, and I don't even have a story to tell :lol:

i think i see what she mean't, i think what the reverted muslims feel or experience they are easy targets of harassment and some people are very stone hearted and don't use their sense or consider anothers feelings.

You're example simply shows somone who may either wanting to know what helped you towards islam (maybe to make his belief stronger) or he was a desperado lol running after muslim girls lol. if that man was a lady and asked you these questions, i think it would be a better example a better situation, You wouldn't pretend to be on the phone to your hubby, you wouldn't speak out loud "i got a husband" lol, but you'd be more comfortable and you may begin to have a very positive teaching and self learning conversation, including Allahs zikr.

what im saying is, people who say most of the things like this, don't all mean it in a bad way, if you get strangers comming up to you especially guys and start a conversations with you, thats just another situations, it is dangerous out there for women, need to be more carfull.

i've seen many women convert for the other half, it's not a new thing, people know of this even non-muslims know of this, it doesn't mean they are bad or not true muslims, many non muslims see this as bad too. i don't think they are bad so i just stuck up for the reverted ladies who changed through love.

i'm just saying theres positives in it too. but ok i agre these questions are and sound more on the negative side

Edited by alialiali

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