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In the Name of God بسم الله

Is Allah not happy with me?

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Why do i get this feeling that i am very bad? and Allah doesnt like me?

I try to pray five times.i always talk about my problems with Allah only...i m always chatting with himm...asking him things...praying...asking for forgiveness....but he is still not happy with me:((( things that are happening with me makes me realize that i am not a good girl...bcuz Allah cant do anything wrong with anyone...so if somethings happening i am the reason for it???

why doesnt he accept my prayers??i only talk to him i tell him each and everything i know that he is all knowing but i love talking to him...and i ask him that why doesnt he reply me back i know that he is listening that why doesnt he reply back???

I need his answer i want him to tell me what he wants from me!!

i even asked that if i m doing something wrong punish me! but how do i know that why isnt he happy with me????

whenever ido something his thought is with me that whether he will like it or not i m not saying that i do that 24/7 but I try not to do what he dislikes.

but still my prayers are not aceppted why? cuz i am bad?

i just have this feeling that i m bad very bad and he is not happy with me:(((

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Why do i get this feeling that i am very bad? and Allah doesnt like me?

I try to pray five times.i always talk about my problems with Allah only...i m always chatting with himm...asking him things...praying...asking for forgiveness....but he is still not happy with me:((( things that are happening with me makes me realize that i am not a good girl...bcuz Allah cant do anything wrong with anyone...so if somethings happening i am the reason for it???

why doesnt he accept my prayers??i only talk to him i tell him each and everything i know that he is all knowing but i love talking to him...and i ask him that why doesnt he reply me back i know that he is listening that why doesnt he reply back???

I need his answer i want him to tell me what he wants from me!!

i even asked that if i m doing something wrong punish me! but how do i know that why isnt he happy with me????

whenever ido something his thought is with me that whether he will like it or not i m not saying that i do that 24/7 but I try not to do what he dislikes.

but still my prayers are not aceppted why? cuz i am bad?

i just have this feeling that i m bad very bad and he is not happy with me:(((

how do u know that he doesnt like u ? if ur prayers are not acepted , may be he likes u praying :blush:

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The best thing I can say to you is to continue in the path of getting closer to Allah SWT even more and know that if your efforts are sincere they will not go unseen. If you feel you have done something or are currently doing something that is wrong/bad then ask Allah swt for forgiveness in everyway possible. Allah swt is forgiving.

If you feel you're not putting in enough effort, then gradually begin doing so. Read more Quran, read more du'as, pray more. Use all the tools Allah swt has given us in order to become closer to him.

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When you say "why doesn't he reply back?"...you don't mean literally right? Because he sure will not talk back to you or anyone else for that matter. Prayers are ALWAYS answered no matter what. There just are different types of answers though depending on your request and intentions. Allah swt always answers his servants no matter what. It is said that Allah swt has 3 replies for his servants when they make dua to him:

1. Yes

2. Yes, but not now

3. I have something better for you

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lol, you asked Him to punish you if you are doing something wrong??? Big Mistake!

you feeling that you are bad very bad and He is not happy with you IS THE PUNISHMENT.

never ask Allah to punish you if you are doing something wrong because the punishment will come indeed.

we are not ma'soom. we all probably did something wrong. to think otherwise is arrogant.

there is a hadeeth i read that a companion of the Prophet (saw) got real sick suddenly and the Prophet asked him, what did you say?

he said what you said! Oh, Allah if I have a sin that you are displeased with punish me now before the afterlife as i would prefer punishment here rather than there.

the Prophet told him. Don't say that. Rather say 2:201 then he repented and got better.

if you cut off hopes in all other than He (and please use capital H when referring to Allah next time) and do salawat Allah grants your prayer by either; giving you what you want, giving you something better or averting a harm that would otherwise have reached you. You always win when you ask Allah for things.

Study http://www.almizan.org/Tafseer/Volume3/Baqarah44.asp

'Ali (a.s.) wrote in his will for his son, al‑Husayn (a.s.): "Then He placed the keys of His treasures in your hands in the sense that He allowed you to ask Him. Therefore, whenever you wish, you may get the doors of His bounties opened with prayer, and get the heavy rains of His Mercy to fall upon you. Delay in acceptance of the prayers should not disappoint you, because the granting (of prayer) is according to the measure of (your) intention. And sometimes, the answering of your prayer is delayed so that it brings a greater reward to, the asker and a better granting to the expectant. Sometimes you ask for a thing and it is not given to you, but a better thing is given to you, immediately or later; or a thing is diverted from you for some greater good for you, because often you ask for a thing which would have destroyed your religion had it been given to you. Therefore, your prayer should be for things whose beauty should last for you and whose evil should remain away from you. As for wealth, it will not last for you, nor will you last for it." [Nahju l‑balaghah]

Man prayeth for evil as he prayeth for good; for man was ever hasty. 17:11

Ya 'Ali Madad!

I think this is enough for her to stop accusing ownself....jazakallah to fatiiq very nice reply

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(bismillah)

(salam)

i heard this lecture from sayyid hassan nasrallah when he used to do islmaic lectures back in the day,

in the lecture he includes that there are 2 types of rules in prayers, one type is the correctness of performing prayer, such as, saying surahs, doing rokoo' nad sojod properly, praying in a non-najis place, wadoo', PRAYING ON TIME ..etc (as we all know it), and for Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala to accept our prayer, type one conditions must all have been fulfilled,

but having type one conditions fulfilled DOESNT mean that the prayer is accepted by Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala,

this is where condition type 2 come in, this is where your heart and thought are also participating in prayer...

for example, a person is praying properly (type one conditions are fulfilled) but his thoughts are all about life, his thoughts are in school, at work, what he should do after this and that, ---->thoughts are limited to bad thoughts, thoughts can also be good, for example during prayer he's planning to help someone for example... ( and thoughts are an action of shaitan)

in a hadeeth, prayers are the most important pillar in one's actions, if prayers are accepted, his actions will be accepted, if his prayers are rejected his actions will be rejected...

now, what makes prayer so important?

prayers is talking to Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala with doing tasbeeh (sobhana rabbial a'la wa bi hamdih, sobhana rabi'al atheemi wa bihamdih) and hamd and the best types of Zikr are mentioned in prayer...

but for a prayer to be accepted, type 2 condition comes in,

well I might say, how can i stay focused for the whole prayer?

the answer is there are many levels of acceptance, for example Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala may accept all of your prayer, sometimes half of it, sometimes quater,...., the least is 1/10th,

what is focusing?

focusing is when our hearts participate in the prayer,

well what if it is noisy outside? what if i cant properly focus because there is a mirror infront of me, a window, a ...etc?

scholars say it is very mustahab to pray in a place that keeps you focused, some prefer to pray with the lights off, some with with the door closed,... etc----> this really depends on the person... (btw it is makrooh (some say it is making prayer of less status (istikhfaf) when while praying, i look in a mirror, a window reflection, if i look at the sky...)

so now we have the place set for focusing at prayer... now what does including my heart in prayer mean?

it includes the meaning that i should know what i am reading or performing prayer , we should know what the word is, try to think of its meaning, if you dont know what arrahman arraheem means, that's not the end of the world, if you dont know what sobhana rabbial a'la wa bi hamdih stands for, that's ok, but at least focus on saying it, you inshallah learn that as you proceed in life, from lectures, from tafseer books, so focus on reading surahs, on giving the words the their right... (dont be like the people that say Allahu akbar (salat starts), and wake up from day dreaming at asslamu alaikum wa rahmatul Allahi wa barakatuhu...)

now the thawab of that,

imagine when we go to ceremonies with famous people doing speeches and lectures, dont we sometimes wish that the person looks at us and notices us there,

when we do focusing in prayer, Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala LOOKS AT YOU, not only that but "comes towards you" (an edited hadeeth from imam Baqir (as), not only that but Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala sends angels to touch you as you are praying (get blessed i guess)...

i heard in a separate lecture that Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala gives you three chances in a prayer to focus...

now on the opposite side, no focusing, what happens when prayer is not accpeted?

Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala orders an angels to wrap the prayer and to hit the one who prayed with their prayer, not only that but the prayer is ascended to the skies black and dark...

btw not doing type one conditions may be considered as (istikhfaf) making prayer of less status, as imam Sadiq (as) was reported saying just before he died, "he who does istikhfaf) in their prayer, will not get our shafa'at on the day of judgement"...

how to start praying with focus?

plan: have the intention that in this prayer i will focus

this might be very difficult in the beginning, because when it comes to praying (when the hadeeth says that prayer in the most important pillar), this means that shiatan will have the worst soldiers to try and keep you from praying on time, from preventing you from focusing, but inshallah Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala is on your side, and having our prayer accepted wholly ( not half of it, or qaurter,...etc) requires patience and practice, and if you find it difficult and YOU WILL find it difficult in the beginning as the [Edited Out]an soldiers are there trying to make you start day dreaming, but stay opt and try to get refocussed, and BTW almost NOTHING gets into perfection without practicing, we know that basketball players dont just come to the game and start playing good, but that took them practice, days and nights of practice probably, and shiatan will make you feel that you cant do it, BUT NEVER ASSUME THAT YOU CANT DO IT, YES YOU CAN DO IT.... Allah tabaraka wa ta'ala is on your side always, whether you want it or not, whether you like it or not....

a moumin's self test (i.e. how to test your iman)

in a hadeeth reported from rasullah (s.a.w.w.) that whenever a good deed makes you happy and a bad deed makes you regretful, then you are a mumin, (but bad deeds if kept on going will stop making you forgetful)...

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  • Advanced Member

Salam all. I hope your all well. Thank you Ibrahim 1088 that was amazing I'm definitely going to try and condition myself to increase my concentration level during namaaz. No wonder we feel that our du'as are left unanswered it's because we're not communicating in the right manner. May Allah guide us all to the right path.

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Why do i get this feeling that i am very bad? and Allah doesnt like me?

I try to pray five times.i always talk about my problems with Allah only...i m always chatting with himm...asking him things...praying...asking for forgiveness....but he is still not happy with me:((( things that are happening with me makes me realize that i am not a good girl...bcuz Allah cant do anything wrong with anyone...so if somethings happening i am the reason for it???

why doesnt he accept my prayers??i only talk to him i tell him each and everything i know that he is all knowing but i love talking to him...and i ask him that why doesnt he reply me back i know that he is listening that why doesnt he reply back???

I need his answer i want him to tell me what he wants from me!!

i even asked that if i m doing something wrong punish me! but how do i know that why isnt he happy with me????

whenever ido something his thought is with me that whether he will like it or not i m not saying that i do that 24/7 but I try not to do what he dislikes.

but still my prayers are not aceppted why? cuz i am bad?

i just have this feeling that i m bad very bad and he is not happy with me:(((

Hi. You said that you didn't know what God wanted from you, well the things that Allah wants us to do have been mentioned by the Holy prophet (pbuh) and Ahlulbayt (as). Sometimes God doesn't answer the prays because he knows that the moment is not right, for instance if the thing that the servant of Allah is praying for is answered it is not good for him or her and so on. The thing one should do in these situations is to continue praying and see maybe if there is anything wrong in the way. Perhaps God forbidding sins. if so ask his forgiveness. and pray to him constantly. Allah likes the servants who pray plenty.

Insha Allah your prays would be answered.

Bless you.

Salam.

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Believe me, sis- the BEST thing Allah ever did for me was the PRAYERS HE DIDNT ANSWER! Later on, I found out how disastrous they would have been, had he given me what thought I wanted. As for feeling he doesnt love you..ask him to show you in a dream. You never know what Allah my be angry at you for, Jst always ask fro rehm and forgiveness

Why do i get this feeling that i am very bad? and Allah doesnt like me?

I try to pray five times.i always talk about my problems with Allah only...i m always chatting with himm...asking him things...praying...asking for forgiveness....but he is still not happy with me:((( things that are happening with me makes me realize that i am not a good girl...bcuz Allah cant do anything wrong with anyone...so if somethings happening i am the reason for it???

why doesnt he accept my prayers??i only talk to him i tell him each and everything i know that he is all knowing but i love talking to him...and i ask him that why doesnt he reply me back i know that he is listening that why doesnt he reply back???

I need his answer i want him to tell me what he wants from me!!

i even asked that if i m doing something wrong punish me! but how do i know that why isnt he happy with me????

whenever ido something his thought is with me that whether he will like it or not i m not saying that i do that 24/7 but I try not to do what he dislikes.

but still my prayers are not aceppted why? cuz i am bad?

i just have this feeling that i m bad very bad and he is not happy with me:(((

Edited by ghulam panjtan
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  • Advanced Member

Allah sed himself tht he takes test of his loved ones only because he knows they will be able to take it because we are his believerz.. Insh'Allah one day u'll see watever he did was for your good... things happen you just ask for forgivness like sum1 sed and not for punishment and Insh'Allah he will give u all the happiness you deserve.. :) everyone is bad and good.. no1 is perfect so why try becoming one.. nt syaing you r bt generally.. u tc n i hope eveyfing gets better :)

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Instead of replying to everyone and repeating myself....i am gonna write everything once! :)

yes i am emotional...n i hate it....i think its something in me....i give up so easily....i start praying with all my heart....i try to focus not to think about wordly stuff an just pray as i m standing infront of My Creator, My Malikk the most merciful....i trust him.....but i just cant concentrate for very long.....this is my very bad habit...even when i m studying i cant study for long....and when i pray to Allah swt i often loose connection with him....i get peace i get sukooon when i pray....but This connection of mine with Allah keeps on breaking....i start feeling downn...i dont feel like praying anymore the way i was praying few days back and then again i am back on my track.. after sometime....I JUST HATE THIS IN MYSELF>>>there's no end to this....you cant say ok i have done this and now i am Tired let's not do it for next few days....What is Wajib is Wajib....why do i so EASILY SO SO EASILY get out of this cirlcle....why cant i keep this connection with Allah swt forever without any interruption....

i just cant work hard....i want to........even when making decisions.....i cant stick to one thing...my mind is always changing....why am i like this...i have strong people who stick to one thing and they do it for the rest of their lives....

why am i so confused???? why is everything so shaky for me!!

i have tried to change my habits but again trying hard is not me:(

is there any solution???

i feel like my mind is constantly filled up with different kind of thoughts....and i am always struggling between what is wrong and what is right for me?

I want to stay strong...as a human being...in every relationship of my life....with my connection with Allah swt

i want to stay closer to Allah but i just giveup so easily....when i see something is not working out....i just quit.....

why am i so impatient....you need patience for everything...and i dont have patience.....:(

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Instead of replying to everyone and repeating myself....i am gonna write everything once! :)

yes i am emotional...n i hate it....i think its something in me....i give up so easily....i start praying with all my heart....i try to focus not to think about wordly stuff an just pray as i m standing infront of My Creator, My Malikk the most merciful....i trust him.....but i just cant concentrate for very long.....this is my very bad habit...even when i m studying i cant study for long....and when i pray to Allah swt i often loose connection with him....i get peace i get sukooon when i pray....but This connection of mine with Allah keeps on breaking....i start feeling downn...i dont feel like praying anymore the way i was praying few days back and then again i am back on my track.. after sometime....I JUST HATE THIS IN MYSELF>>>there's no end to this....you cant say ok i have done this and now i am Tired let's not do it for next few days....What is Wajib is Wajib....why do i so EASILY SO SO EASILY get out of this cirlcle....why cant i keep this connection with Allah swt forever without any interruption....

i just cant work hard....i want to........even when making decisions.....i cant stick to one thing...my mind is always changing....why am i like this...i have strong people who stick to one thing and they do it for the rest of their lives....

why am i so confused???? why is everything so shaky for me!!

i have tried to change my habits but again trying hard is not me:(

is there any solution???

i feel like my mind is constantly filled up with different kind of thoughts....and i am always struggling between what is wrong and what is right for me?

I want to stay strong...as a human being...in every relationship of my life....with my connection with Allah swt

i want to stay closer to Allah but i just giveup so easily....when i see something is not working out....i just quit.....

why am i so impatient....you need patience for everything...and i dont have patience.....:(

Salaam Alaikum Sister,

I think you have too much going on in your head to be connected to Allah (swt). Your thoughts are preventing you from a true connection. If you can not concentrate during salat, then you must suppress your mind. As Br. Khalil Jaffer says...."you are not the thinker in you", your ego, in order to feel alive, needs distraction, drama, and pain. Suppress those feelings when you perform your next salat.

I am new to Islam, but this strategy by Br. Jaffer has helped tremendously. Be present during salat. Because only when you are present (in the moment), will you have a connection. If you are thinking about what will happen to you in the future or what has happened in the past, you will miss your moment.

Embrace the present. Take a deep breath. Don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow, focus on your connection with Allah (swt) now. Just my two cents of advice...

Wa'salaam,

Stefan

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  • Advanced Member
Why do i get this feeling that i am very bad? and Allah doesnt like me?

I try to pray five times.i always talk about my problems with Allah only...i m always chatting with himm...asking him things...praying...asking for forgiveness....but he is still not happy with me:((( things that are happening with me makes me realize that i am not a good girl...bcuz Allah cant do anything wrong with anyone...so if somethings happening i am the reason for it???

why doesnt he accept my prayers??i only talk to him i tell him each and everything i know that he is all knowing but i love talking to him...and i ask him that why doesnt he reply me back i know that he is listening that why doesnt he reply back???

I need his answer i want him to tell me what he wants from me!!

i even asked that if i m doing something wrong punish me! but how do i know that why isnt he happy with me????

whenever ido something his thought is with me that whether he will like it or not i m not saying that i do that 24/7 but I try not to do what he dislikes.

but still my prayers are not aceppted why? cuz i am bad?

i just have this feeling that i m bad very bad and he is not happy with me:(((

(bismillah)

The Prophet (sawas) said to Imam Ali (as):

For any believer who has the love for you fixed in his heart, if one of his feet slips on the Path, the other will be firm so that Allah will take him to Paradise for his love to you[1]

The Prophet (sawas) also said:

Man ahabba shaiyan fa akthara dhikrohu

He who loves something, talks (does dhikr) of the beloved, often.

Therefore, if you find unconditional love for Ali (as) in your heart and you do dhikr of Ali (as) - Not only Allah loves you but also protects you from blunders. And you'll have nothing to worry about inshallah.

[1] Refer to al-Amali; as-Saduq 348 s.85, al-Manaqib; Ibn Shahrashoub 3:198, Bisharat ul-Mustafa; 71 & 125, Keshf ul-Ghumma; 1:388, Taawil ul-Aayat; 827, Bihar ul-Anwar; 8:69 H.17, 27:158 H.66, 39:305 H.119. In his Kenz ul-Ummal; al-Muttaqi al-Hindi records a similar narration with little difference from this one.

Edited by zuhair_naqvi
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  • Advanced Member

(bismillah)

(salam)

Heart Throbbing topic!!! Love it

this is where condition type 2 come in, this is where your heart and thought are also participating in prayer...

for example, a person is praying properly (type one conditions are fulfilled) but his thoughts are all about life, his thoughts are in school, at work, what he should do after this and that, ---->thoughts are limited to bad thoughts, thoughts can also be good, for example during prayer he's planning to help someone for example... ( and thoughts are an action of shaitan)

I suffer from this! But rather than listen to my surah and word I am uttering I think of God's miracles, prophet stories, and the world, things like that other parts of the Holy Quran...

Jesus is (a Prophet)... you sound suspicious.. I am confuse, Are you Christian or a Shia Muslim now?

Edited by Teabiz
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  • Advanced Member

salam I really know how you feel. It's so hard I find it hard to concentrate during salat and du'as as thoughts run through my head concerning worldly affairs and it's hard to block them out but I find that you just have to concentrate on the words your saying and it will really help keep you focused.

But on the whole it seems like you are concerned about something specific so try and seek Allahs forgiveness and this is a test have patience which I know is hard but have faith inshallah your problems will be solved.

Or sometimes it can happen that you are uneasy because your not happy within yourself and it's no specific issue and in this case you also need to seek forgiveness from Allah. I have du'as that can help you if you like as I have experienced such feelings so I'll be more than happy to help you

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(salam)

I was wondering how you interpret Allahs' communications. For me, there are signs. When ever I have a question about Islam, or something that has been bothering me or something I've been wondering for a few days, and I open the Qur'an, within the first 2 or 3 ayas that I read that exact problem or question is addressed directly. It has happened multiple times and I am in an amazing state of shock when it happens. When i ask Allah for certain things and forgiveness, Alhamdulillah he accepts my du'a. It may take much longer than I anticipated, but it usually happens. 2008 and the beginning of 2009 has been a big year for me in terms of life events, and nearly all of them have fallen into place how I asked Allah to.

But this is not to say that if Allah does not fulfill your exact wishes that this means he does not love you. There are many situations when your wishes are not the best for you or are not in line with Allah's wishes. Or he may be testing your iman and your will power to see how you react if your desires are not satisfied. Our intellect is nothing compared to Allahs (swt) and we cannot think that we understand Allahs(swt) reasoning.

To the OP, you should continue following the path of Allah. But you should not pray just because you feel you have to, but it should come from your heart. Think passionately about Allah, and be honest, kind and respectful of other people, for I feel that Allah judges you from your conduct and akhlaq more than how many times you pray.

(wasalam)

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Human nature is aware of bad feelings but unfortunately not aware of good feelings. We take good feelings for granted.

Look here:

[2.11] And when it is said to them, Do not make mischief in the land, they say: We are but peace-makers.

[2.12] Now surely they themselves are the mischief makers, but they do not perceive.

You are saying that you yiourself have a bad feeling about yourself. But you dont listen to this feeling, (what it is being said to you).

REALIZE: Feelings are fluid and hard to grasp by thought. You have to please God, and how do you do that? ... Listen to you consience ('feeling'). And use the elimination-method to find out 'how' exactly to please yourself and at the same time, God, though bringing your God-given conscience to ease. Your question is 'how'

Dont 'do what you think God wants', but rather 'seek to unite' what you want with what God wants. The question is, how do you do that?

Islam IS a trade with God. Where you have to please both yourself and the customer(God). You dont only please the customer and by that seek your own demise.

Do you want to please God, or do you want to please yourself? You say you want both. Which is right - and to overcome the self is a virtuous deed, but you dont have to do that in the first instance. Take your time.

I am a person who has an experience like that which you have. And belive me, the right way is never in building up resistance in your mind to God.

It is like this:

[94.7] So when you are free, nominate.

[94.8] And make your Lord your exclusive object.

I know that you think you are a weak spirited person, who does not have a strong will to do and complete things. But seeking knowledge about how to please God (and yourself) does not have to be done right away. Just like the overmentioned aya suggests. When you got time, nominate. when you get tired, stop and wait until you are ready to commence.

Try to bend your subconsious will, instead of your consious will.

It is a process, and it takes time. Try not to get into the circle, but let the circle come to you. You only have to be still. Just like wisdom and knowledge comes by itself if you let it. I dont know, does that make sense?

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I don't think you're on the wrong track... it's a good sign that you are questioning your actions constantly.. because its far worse to be in a condition where you're not questioning your actions, in that situation one is in slavery to his/her desires.

We all go through times when spirituality is low - those are times that when you persevere, you will come out stronger at the end. low spiritual times help your soul grow... Also check out this blog post, it really helped me feel a lot better.. it literally took me out of my depression in about 2 seconds.., I pray it helps anyone who reads it..

.

http://annoor.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/the...-evil-thoughts/

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I don't think you're on the wrong track... it's a good sign that you are questioning your actions constantly.. because its far worse to be in a condition where you're not questioning your actions, in that situation one is in slavery to his/her desires.

We all go through times when spirituality is low - those are times that when you persevere, you will come out stronger at the end. low spiritual times help your soul grow... Also check out this blog post, it really helped me feel a lot better.. it literally took me out of my depression in about 2 seconds.., I pray it helps anyone who reads it..

.

http://annoor.wordpress.com/2009/01/27/the...-evil-thoughts/

IMO she is on the right track like you say, but she is not progressing whatsoever with her current mentality on that track.

Her logic seems to base her understanding of God which she wants to please on what she thinks / what other tells her. ... She has to define what God wants. If it is unreasonable demands, it is reasonable to disclaim them. In other words she is lost.

The easy remedy to evil thoughts is that when the onslaught of such thoughts overpowers the heart and mind, then one should intentionally and purposely focus one’s attention towards a good and/or positive thought.

I liked this excerpt.

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  • Basic Members

Salam alaikum

everyone seems to be giving some good and sound advice and inshallah eventually sister you will find the certainty and love of Allah swt that is surely there

However, I just wanted to add something that I remember hearing in one of Sayed Ammar's lectures during this past Muharram when he came here to Toronto. He said the top 3 sins are:

1) Shirk

2) Despair

3) Despondency

The first is self-explanitory but the other two I think are very relavent to what you are feeling.

Despair is when you think that there is no way God can forgive you and despair of Allah's mercy...you keep those feelings inside and don't show it

Despondency is when you publicaly make it known that you will never be forgiven even when people tell of how powerful and unlimited God's mercy is.

So sister if you truly do think you are doing something wrong, never despair that Allah SWT won't forgive you. Salat and Dua are powerful things subhanallah

PS: here is the link to that lecture if anyone is intereseted. Very interesting, especially when he speakes of the degress of Allah's mercy :)

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In the name of Allah, the all-merciful, the most merciful.
Salam.
Allah never leaves you alone.
Allah is always with you, supports and guides you, accepts and multiplies your good deeds, forgives your mistakes, accepts your prayers, grants your wishes, and in the times that you forget him, He is waiting for you to return to him!
Allah is the all-merciful, the most merciful, the most compassionate, the most forgiving, the most generous, loving-kind.
. and he created all mankind to enter them in his paradise and bestows them his infinite and especial mercy.
God’s mercy has no limit and does not accept any restriction. The only restriction is in our understanding and therefore we may not be able to grasp all aspects of His mercy. His mercy is all-embracing and all-inclusive; nothing falls out of it.
As Allah says in the Qur’an:
"My mercy has encompassed everything." (7: 156)
In a divine saying, we read:
"If the people who have turned their back on Me knew how much I love them to come back they would have died out of joy."
Allah does not need anyone, but still, out of His mercy, He does not want even a single person to go astray.
In a beautiful supplication which is recommended to be recited after each daily prayer, we say:
"O Allah! Your forgiveness gives me hope more than my actions.
O Allah! Indeed Your mercy is greater than my sins.
O Allah! If I am not qualified to reach your mercy, Your mercy is able to reach and embrace me.
Because Your mercy has embraced everything."
https://www.al-Islam.org/message-thaqalayn/vol11-n4-2011/understanding-God-s-mercy-part-1-Mohammed-Ali-shomali
do sincere prayer and be sure that prayer is the key to recieve every mercy and blessings from Allah.
"surely my Lord is Nigh, Answering."
holy Qur'an: 11-61.
“And ask forgiveness of your Lord, then turn to Him; surely my Lord is Merciful, Loving-kind.”
holy Qur'an: 11/90.
the all merciful God says in the holy Qur'an:
“And when those who believe in Our communications come to you, say: Peace be on you, your Lord has ordained mercy on Himself, (so) that if any one of you does evil in ignorance, then turns after that and acts aright, then He is Forgiving, Merciful.”
surah alanaam: verse 54.
"As for those who believe in Allah and hold fast by Him, He will cause them to enter into His Mercy." (4:175)
"Say, ‘My Lord, forgive and have mercy, and You are the Best of those who are merciful.’" (23:118)
"And Job, when he called out to his Lord, ‘Indeed distress has befallen me, and You are the Most merciful of the merciful.’" (21:83)
"Say: O my servants! who have acted extravagantly against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah; surely Allah forgives the faults altogether; surely He is the Forgiving the Merciful."
Qur'an: 39-53.
“(Muhammad), tell my servants who have committed injustice to themselves, ‘Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is All-forgiving and All-merciful.’ (39:53)”
“Your Lord's mercy is completely overwhelming.” (6:147)
“Your Lord, certainly, has forgiveness for the injustice of the people.” (13:6)
Amir al-Mu’minin (عليه السلام), in one part of dua kumayl tells Allah:
“it is very far from You to spoil the one who have accepted Your divinity and training, via Your spiritual blessings. It is very far from You to torture the one who You have have brought to Your nearness and mercy, or to drive away the one who You have given refuge, or chastise the one who You have spared.”
o my lord, You are so Merciful and so Generous that You have addressed the sinful human:
“You called me and I answered you, you asked Me and I granted you, you opposed Me but I respited, you left Me but I watched you, you disobeyed My orders but I concealed your sins; if you return to me I would accept you, and if you went away from Me, I wait for your return to Me. I am the most Generous of the generous, the most Forgiver of the forgivers, and the most Merciful of the merciful.”
Allah addressed Prophet David (as):
“Say to My servants: Why don’t you befriend Me, since I deserve friendship? I am a God of no miserliness, there’s no ignorance in My Omniscience, no incapacity in My Forbearance, and no alternation in My Attributes or My Speech. My Mercy and Forgiveness is unvarying and constant. I am the friend of him who befriends Me, and I accompany him who invokes on Me in his solitude. O David! He who seeks Me finds Me; and he who finds Me deserves not to lose Me. O David! Blessing is from Me but My servants thank others; I ward off calamity but they seek it from others. Their safe haven is My Presence, but they seek refuge from others, though finally they return to Me.”
The Almighty revealed to Prophet Moses (as):
"O son of Imran! Bring to My Presence submission of your heart, humbleness of your body, and tears of your eyes in the darkness of night and then call Me, you would then find Me near and compliant."
Bihar al-Anwar: 67/ 14, Bab 43, tradition 2.
The supplicant should be aware that it is Almighty God who has invited him to pray and has guaranteed the acceptance of the supplication. Accepting the prayer and granting the supplicant’s exigency is easy for Allah, since each and every world’s creature is under His Absolute Power, and He provides the grounds for the fulfillment of His servant’s exigency with a single order.
It is, therefore, not right to become hopeless in the Presence of God, whose Insight, Mercy and Forgiveness is infinite, especially when praying. Despair, as specified in the Holy Qur’an, is the attribute of the disbelievers:
"Go, O my sons! And ascertain concerning Joseph and his brother, and despair not of the Spirit of Allah. Lo! None despaireth of the Spirit of Allah save disbelieving folk." (12:87)
The Holy Qur’an strongly recommends against being hopeless of God’s Mercy:
"Despair not of the Mercy of Allah!" (39:53)
The All-Knowing Lord says in Qur’an:
"And when My servant question thee concerning Me, then surely I am close (to them). I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calleth unto Me." (2:186)
No one is as close to the man as his creator, Allah. He is the One who has created man, fashioning him in the womb, and then transferring him to this world. He bestows His material and spiritual blessings unto man, sent the Prophets to guide him, and granted him the Divine Qur’an and the Immaculate Imams (عليه السلام).
Allah has created water for the thirst of man and food for his hunger. He cures man’s diseases and improves his health. He discards man’s loneliness with a spouse, children, and friends, and his starkness with various kinds of clothes. Allah makes man cherished by the others, and maintains his dignity before them. Allah solves his problems, however difficult they may seem. Who is so closely and intently aware of man’s deepest needs and can provide him with all these blessings, except Allah? He is indeed closer to man than anyone else. Hence He says in Qur’an:
"We verily created a man and We know what his soul whispereth to him, and We are nearer to him than his jugular vein." (50:16)
“Du’a’ is the key to success. The best du’a’ is the one uttered from a purified soul and heart.
The means to salvation is sincerity in du’a’. When the problems cause restlessness, the solution is seeking refuge in God’s Presence.”
Al-Kafi: 2/468, Chapter Inna al-do’a silah al-mu’min, tradition 2; Mahajja al-bayza’: 2/284, Bab al-thani fi adab al-do’a…
Imam al-Baqir (عليه السلام) said:
“Obtain Allah’s Mercy and Forgiveness by returning to Him, and for realizing your return get help from sincere praying in the middle of night.”
Bihar al-Anwar: 75/ 162, Bab 22, tradition 1.
the all-merciful God says in the holy Qur'an:
"As for those who believe in Allah and hold fast by Him, He will cause them to enter into His Mercy." (4:175)
"And when those who believe in Our signs come to you, say: Peace be on you, your Lord is the lord of All-encompassing Mercy." (6:54)
In the supplications quoted and recommended by the Prophet (S) and his infallible Household (عليه السلام), there is continuous reference to Allah being the Concealer of Faults. In these supplications, there are always good tidings for the repented sinner that the Merciful Allah would avoid letting his face down in this world and the Hereafter, hide his faults and sins, and inform no one of his wrongdoing.
As an instance, a tradition is quoted here from the closing section of the valuable book ‘Uddat al-Da’I by Ibn Fahad al-Hilli:
Once Gabriel, the trustee angel, descended to the Prophet of Islam (S), smiling and with good tidings. He greeted the Prophet (S) who responded to his greeting. Then Gabriel said: “The Almighty has sent a gift for you.”
The Messenger of Allah asked: “What is that gift?”
He replied: “There are some words of the Empyrean’s treasures which Allah has endeared specially for the Empyrean.”
Prophet Muhammad (S) asked again: “What are those words?”
Gabriel then said:
“O the One who revealed the goodness and concealed the badness. O the One who reprimanded no one for wrongdoing and let no one’s face down. O the One whose forgiveness is great, whose pardon is good, and whose Mercy is extended. O the one who has applied his Power in Mercy. O the Owner of any secret and the ultimate source of any complaint. O the one whose forbearance is magnanimous and whose blessings are great. O the Bestower of blessings before the necessary deserve for them. O my Lord, my Protector, and the end of my tendency! O Allah! I ask You not to destroy my creation by the Fire.”
The Messenger of Allah asked Gabriel: “What is the recompense of these words?”
Gabriel said: “Beware that the whole knowledge is exclusive in these words. If all the angels of the seven Heavens and the seven earths attempted to describe this supplication until the Day of Resurrection, they will be able to describe but one part out of one thousand parts of it.”
When the servant says: “O the One who revealed the goodness and concealed the badness,” Allah would conceal his sins, have mercy on him in the world, maintain his well-being in the next world, and cover him with thousand veils in the two worlds.
And when the servant says: “O the One who reprimanded no one for wrongdoing and let no one’s face down,” the Almighty would not account for his deeds on the Day of Resurrection, and would not uncover his secrets on that day.
When the servant says: “O the One whose forgiveness is great,” Allah would forgive his sins, even if they are as many as the waves of the sea.
When he says: “O the One whose pardon is good,” Allah would even forgive his wine-drinking, theft, and other major sins.
When he says: “O the One whose Mercy is extended,” the Merciful Allah would open seventy doors of Mercy on him, so that he would be subjected to Allah’s Mercy until the last day of his life.
When the servant says: “O the one who has applied his Power in Mercy,” Allah would extend his Power to him out of Mercy.
When the servant says: “O the Owner of any secret and the ultimate source of any complaint,” Allah would grant him the recompense of the grief-stricken, poverty-stricken, patient or blind man until the Day of Resurrection.
If the servant says: “O the one whose forbearance is magnanimous and whose blessings are great,” the Almighty would fulfill all his wishes and the wishes of all other servants for him.
If the servant says: “O the Bestower of blessings before the necessary deserve for them,” Allah would recompense him as if he is grateful of His blessings.
If the servant says: “O my Lord,” his Lord would say: “My angels! Beware that I forgave him, and I granted him recompense equal to the number of all My creatures, either in the Paradise or the Hell, in the heavens or the Earth, the sun or the moon, the star and the raindrops, different kinds of beings in the mountains, on the soil, and on the Empyrean.”
And if he says: “O my Protector,” Allah would fill his heart with belief.
When the servant says: “O the end of my tendency!” the Almighty would grant him the wishes of all the other creatures.
And if the servant says: “O Allah! I ask You not to destroy my creation by the Fire,” Allah says: “My servant wants to become free from the Fire. O My angels! I delivered him, along with his parents, brothers, family, and neighbors from the Fire and accepted his intercession for a thousand of those who deserved to be put into Fire.”
So Gabriel said: “O Muhammad! Teach these words to the believers and not to the hypocrites. This supplication is accepted for the supplicant and for those present in Allah’s House, when it is circumambulated.”
Uddat Al-Da’I: 337.
Allah does not wish His servant to turn to sources other than Him, in case of difficulties and calamities in order ask his needs from them, or request the solution of his problem.
In a Divine tradition, narrated in various lofty books, important issues and valuable facts are stated in this regard:
“Is My servant hopeful of those other than Me, when facing difficulties to resolve them for him, while eliminating all the problems is in My Hands? Is My servant hopeful of others but Me, to fulfill his needs and wants and save him from poverty, while the Generous and the Beneficent is Me and accomplishing all the exigencies is in My Power and Mercy?
Why is it that I see My servant ignorant of Me, while I have always granted him everything he wanted, out of Mercy? Why has he turned from Me and referred to others now when he is so much in need?
I am the Deity except Whom there is no other deity. I grant without demand, Would I not grant if I am demanded?!
Is the vast ocean of Mercy and Generosity not from Me? Are the world and the Hereafter not in My Hands?!
If all the beings in the heavens and the Earth ask Me to grant them demand as big as all the heavens and the Earth, My Kingdom would not be reduced even to the extent of a fly. Woe to the one who turns attention from Me, demanding his needs from those except Me!”
Anis al-Layl: 196.
https://www.al-Islam.org/commentary-kumayl-supplication-allama-husayn-ansariyan
It is reported from the Holy Prophet (S) , “For whosoever among you the door of prayer (du’a’) is opened, then the doors of mercy (rahmah) shall be opened for him.”
Kanz al-‘Ummal, hadith no.3156.
Imam ‘Ali (‘a) says: “Supplication is the key of mercy.”
Bihar al-Anwar, vol.93, pg.300.
In his will to his son al-Hasan (‘a), Imam Amir al-Mu’minin ‘Ali bin Abi Talib (‘a) says: “Thereafter, He put the keys of His treasuries in your hand, in that He has allowed {you} to ask Him from it. So whenever you wished, you opened the doors of His treasuries through supplication.”
Bihar al-Anwar, vol.77, pg.299.
With reference to the verse:
“Whatever mercy Allah unfolds for the people, no one can withhold it.” Qur’an, 35:2.
Imam as-Sadiq (‘a) is reported to have said, “{The mercy implies} the prayer (du’a’).”
Bihar al-Anwar, vol.93, pg.299.
The Holy Prophet (S) says: “For whosoever among you the door of prayer (du’a’) is opened, the doors of response (ijabat) shall {also} be opened for him.”
Kanz al-‘Ummal, hadith no.3156.
It is Allah who opens up toward His servant with prayer, and He is the one who opens for him the doors of its acceptance.
Imam ‘Ali (‘a) says: “Whoever knocks at the door of Allah, the Glorious, it will be opened for him.”
Ghurar al-Hikam, hadith no.8292.
Imam as-Sadiq (‘a) is narrated to have said, “Supplicate frequently, for it is the key of every mercy and the fulfillment of every need. And that which lies with Allah cannot be attained but through prayer (du’a’). A door which is frequently knocked at is likely to be opened for the one who knocks it.”
Bihar al-Anwar, vol.93, pg.295; and Wasa’il al-Shi’ah, vol.4, pg.1086, hadith no.8616.
https://www.al-Islam.org/supplication-in-the-eyes-of-ahlalbayt-Muhammad-Mahdi-al-asifi

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Allah's mercy and forgiveness in Qur'an and ahadith:
Allah forgives any sin if the sinner sincerely repents, reforms and asks divine forgiveness and mercy.
“in the name of Allah, the all-merciful, the most merciful.”
Salam.
people can everytime ask Allah's mercy and forgiveness,
the door of repentance and recieving divine mercy and forgiveness is always open for mankind during his life in the world.
Allah is always waiting for his servants to return to him and ask divine mercy and forgiveness and Allah includes them among the people who recieve divine infinite and especial mercy!
Vastness of God’s Mercy and Pardon:
“Your Lord's mercy is completely overwhelming. (6:147)”
“Your Lord, certainly, has forgiveness for the injustice of the people. (13:6)”
the all-merciful Allah says in the holy Qur'an:
“And ask forgiveness of your Lord, then turn to Him; surely my Lord is Merciful, Loving-kind.”
holy Qur'an: 11/90.
“When the faithful come to you, say to them, "Peace be upon you. Your Lord has decreed for Himself to be All-merciful. Anyone of you who commits a sin out of ignorance, then repents, and reforms himself will find that Allah is All-forgiving and All- merciful." (6:54)”
surah alanaam: verse 54.
"As for those who believe in Allah and hold fast by Him, He will cause them to enter into His Mercy." (4:175)
"Say, ‘My Lord, forgive and have mercy, and You are the Best of those who are merciful.’" (23:118)
The Holy Qur’an declares to the sinners not to be desperate of Allah's Mercy, since Allah would forgive all the sins.
“(Muhammad), tell my servants who have committed injustice to themselves, ‘Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Allah certainly forgives all sins. He is All-forgiving and All-merciful.’ (39:53)”
“And do not despair of receiving comfort from Allah; only the unbelievers’ despair of receiving comfort from Him. (12:87)”
the all merciful God says in the holy Qur'an:
"Surely Allah is Pardoning, Forgiving." (4:43)
The Qur’anic verses like the ones below indicate that the Almighty would pardon the wrongdoing of every sinner.
"Allah is All-forgiving, All-compassionate." (2:173)
"But whoever repents after his wickedness and reforms himself, then surely Allah will turn him mercifully; surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." (5:39)
"Be careful of your duty to Allah; surely Allah is Forgiving Merciful." (8:69)
"Why should Allah chastise you if you are grateful and believe? And Allah is the Multiplier of rewards, Knowing."
Qur'an: 4-147.
Imam ‘Ali (عليه السلام) said:
"Allah’s orders are obligatory and out of expedience and wisdom. His takes pleasure in Mercy and Forgiveness. He rules with knowledge and awareness and forgives patiently."
Nahj Al-Balagha: sermon 160.
Imam ‘Ali (عليه السلام) stated:
"Allah’s Forgiveness would rush to anyone who avoids what Allah has forbidden."
Bihar al-Anwar: 75/ 90, Bab 16, tradition 95.
Amirul-Mu'minin (a) said to the man who was prevailed by despair of God’s mercy out of his many sins: “You, to despair of the mercy of Allah is the greatest sin that you have ever committed.”
Quoted from Jami us-Sa’adat; part 1 page 246.
For obtaining Allah’s Mercy, one should certainly observe some matters. Imam al-Baqir (عليه السلام) said:
"Obtain Allah’s Mercy and Forgiveness by returning to Him, and for realizing your return get help from sincere praying in the middle of night."
Bihar al-Anwar: 75/ 162, Bab 22, tradition 1.
A Berduin told the Messenger of Allah: “O Prophet of Allah! Who would account for people’s deeds?” The Prophet (S) answered: “The Almighty would.” The Arab man said: “By the Lord of Kaaba then we would be saved.” The Prophet asked: “Why do you think so?” He replied:
“The Generous would forgive if He gets Power.”
Wurram Collection: 1/ 9.
It is narrated from Imam al-Baqir (as):
“By Allah, He does not expect but two attributes from His servants; that they confess to His blessings so that He would increase them, and that they confess to their sins so that He would forgive them.”
Al-Kafi: 2/ 426, Bab Al-’I’tiraf bil Zunub, tradition 2; Mizan al-Hikmah: 2/ 642, Al-Tawba, tradition 2153.
Imam ‘Ali (عليه السلام) says:
"Allah is not to open up the doors of gratitude to His servant but close the doors of increased blessings. He is not to allow him to supplicate, but limit fulfillment of his supplication. And He does not intend to open the doors of repentance, but close the doors of His forgiveness."
Nahj Al-Balagha: Hikmat 435.
The Messenger of Allah (S) lists the signs of a real repentant as follows:
"A repentant servant of Allah has four signs; complete obedience of Allah in deeds and behaviors, leaving the untruth, sticking to the truth, and intense enthusiasm to do good."
Tuhaf Al-’Uqol: 18; Mizan al-Hikmah: 2/ 638, Al-Tawba, tradition 2126.
It is narrated from the Messenger of Allah (S) who said:
"One who repents Allah would accept his repentance and order his organs to cover sins from his sight. He would order the Earth segments to make him neglect his sins, and makes the Writers forget what they have written in that servant's letter of deeds."
Bihar al-Anwar: 6/ 28, Bab 20, tradition 32.
Mu'awiyat Ibn Wahab quotes Imam Sadiq (عليه السلام) as saying:
‘If a servant repents sincerely, Allah would love him and cover his faults in the world and the Hereafter.’ I asked Imam Sadiq (as): ‘How will Allah cover them?’ Imam (عليه السلام) replied: ‘He will make the two angels, in charge of that servant, forget all about his sins they have recorded, and will reveal to his body organs to do so. So the servant would meet Allah while there is no record of his sins.’
Al-Kafi, 2/ 436, Bab Al-Towba, tradition 12.
In the Qur’anic exegesis book, Minhaj al-Sadiqin, we read:
On the Day of Resurrection, the servant is brought before the Almighty, Who orders to place him in a dome. Then Allah would address that servant: 'My Servant! You benefited from My blessings for committing sins, and as I increased My blessings for you, you increased your wrongdoing.' So the servant bends his head from shyness. He is then addressed: 'My servant! At the same time as you committed sin I forgave you and removed all your sins.'
Another servant is brought before Him afterwards and counted for his deeds until he becomes tearful. The Almighty says: 'My Servant! When you committed sins joyfully I did not embarrass you; how do I chastise you now that you are weeping? I forgive you and let you come into My Paradise!'
Nour Al-Thaqalayn: 4/33.
Amir al-Mu’minin (عليه السلام), in one part of dua kumayl tells Allah:
“it is very far from You to spoil the one who have accepted Your divinity and training, via Your spiritual blessings. It is very far from You to torture the one who You have have brought to Your nearness and mercy, or to drive away the one who You have given refuge, or chastise the one who You have spared.”
o my lord, You are so Merciful and so Generous that You have addressed the sinful human:
“You called me and I answered you, you asked Me and I granted you, you opposed Me but I respited, you left Me but I watched you, you disobeyed My orders but I concealed your sins; if you return to me I would accept you, and if you went away from Me, I wait for your return to Me. I am the most Generous of the generous, the most Forgiver of the forgivers, and the most Merciful of the merciful.”
Allah addressed Prophet David (as):
“Say to My servants: Why don’t you befriend Me, since I deserve friendship? I am a God of no miserliness, there’s no ignorance in My Omniscience, no incapacity in My Forbearance, and no alternation in My Attributes or My Speech. My Mercy and Forgiveness is unvarying and constant. I am the friend of him who befriends Me, and I accompany him who invokes on Me in his solitude. O David! He who seeks Me finds Me; and he who finds Me deserves not to lose Me. O David! Blessing is from Me but My servants thank others; I ward off calamity but they seek it from others. Their safe haven is My Presence, but they seek refuge from others, though finally they return to Me.”
It should be noted that this great recompense and wonderful reward is not rare of Allah’s extended Mercy, unlimited Beneficence, and infinite treasure of rewards.
https://www.al-Islam.org/commentary-kumayl-supplication-allama-husayn-ansariyan
In a divine saying, we read:
"If the people who have turned their back on Me knew how much I love them to come back they would have died out of joy."
Allah does not need anyone, but still, out of His mercy, He does not want even a single person to go astray.
In a beautiful supplication which is recommended to be recited after each daily prayer, we say:
"O Allah! Your forgiveness gives me hope more than my actions.
O Allah! Indeed Your mercy is greater than my sins.
O Allah! If I am not qualified to reach your mercy, Your mercy is able to reach and embrace me.
Because Your mercy has embraced everything."
https://www.al-Islam.org/message-thaqalayn/vol11-n4-2011/understanding-God-s-mercy-part-1-Mohammed-Ali-shomali
Imam as-Sadiq (a) said: “On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will extend His mercy so vastly that even Eblis will expect himself to be included with that mercy.”
Quoted from Bihar ul-Anwar; 3/274 (as quoted from Sheikh as-Saduq’s al-Amali).
“On the Day of Resurrection, the guilty believers will be stopped before Allah Who will personally interrogate him. He will display before him his sins in details, and the believer will confess of them all. The Lord will then say: ‘In the worldly life, I covered these sins and, now, I will cover them for you.’ He then will order to change them into virtues. As the record of that believer will be shown to people, they will say, ‘How admirable this man is! He did not commit a single sin!’ This is the meaning of God’s saying:
“But only those who repent and believe and act righteously will have their sins replaced by virtue,” (25:70)”
Quoted from Bihar ul-Anwar; vol. 3 page 274 (as quoted from al-Barqi’s al-Mahasin).
Favorable Judgment about God:
Imam as-Sadiq (a) said: “The last servant who will be sent to Hell will turn his face towards Allah. The Lord then will order the angels to bring him back. ‘Why did you turn your face, servant?’ the Lord will ask. ‘Lord,’ the servant will say, ‘I had another idea about you.’ ‘What did you think of Me, servant?’ the Lord will ask. The servant will answer, ‘I thought You would forgive me and allow me to live in Your Paradise.’ The Lord then will say, ‘My angels, I swear by My power, majesty, favors, tests, and exaltation, this servant had never thought good about Me for a single hour of his lifetime. Had he done so, I would not have sent him to Hell. Nevertheless, I will regard the lie that he has just told as true and allow him to be in Paradise.’ Allah will live up to the servant who thinks well of Him:
‘This was how you considered your Lord, but He knows you better than you know yourselves. Thus, you are now lost (41:23)5.’”
Quoted from Bihar ul-Anwar; 3/301 (as quoted from as- Saduq’s Thawab ul-Aamal).
If a repentant breaks his promise or resolution and goes against it, his earlier Tawba will not be nullified. So he should take this opportunity to repent for his later sin and try his utmost to suppress sin and refrain from it.
Mohammed Ibn Muslim narrated that Imam al-Baqir (a) said to him: “Muhammad Ibn Muslim, all the sins of the believer who repents to Allah will be forgiven. He therefore should put a new beginning for himself after his repentance and Allah’s forgiveness to him. By Allah I swear, this is peculiar for people of faith.”
“What if one commits sins from which he had repented and then repeat his repentance?” I asked.
The Imam (a) wondered: “Muhammad Ibn Muslim, do you think that Allah does not accept the repentance of the believing servant who feels sorry for his sinning and seeks forgiveness and repents to Him?” I said: “What if that servant commits a sin repeatedly and repents to Allah repeatedly?”
The Imam (a) answered: “Whenever a believer seeks forgiveness and repents, Allah accepts his repentance again. Allah is surely All-forgiving and All-merciful. He accepts the repentance and pardons the sins. You should never make the believers feel desperate of the mercy of Allah.”
Quoted from al-Wafi; part 3 page 183 (as quoted from al- Kafi).
https://www.al-Islam.org/ahlul-bayt-ethical-role-models-Sayyid-Mahdi-sadr
the all merciful God says in verse 8 of sura tahrim:
"O you who believe! turn to Allah a sincere turning; maybe your Lord will remove from you your evil and cause you to enter gardens beneath which rivers flow, on the day on which Allah will not abase the Prophet and those who believe with him; their light shall run on before them and on their right hands; they shall say: "Our Lord! make perfect for us our light, and grant us protection, surely Thou hast power over all things."
Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is most forgiving:
In addition to His generous rewards, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) deals with sins or people with mercy and kindness. He assures the sinners that if they sincerely regret and repent, He will forgive them.
When people go to the plane of ‘Arafat on the day of Arafah, all their sins will be forgiven, and by the time they leave ‘Arafat to go to Mash‘ar al-Haram they must not have any doubt about the forgiveness of their sins.
It has been narrated that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) frees one million people from the hellfire each and every day in the month of Ramadan at the time of breaking the fast. On the night and day of Friday, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) frees one million people during each hour. In the night and day at the end of the month, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) frees people equal to whatever He has given during the month.
Different types of forgiveness
Upon reflection on the Qur’anic verses on forgiveness of sins by God, divine forgiveness can be classified into four types:
1. Simple forgiveness - Verses that refer simply to divine forgiveness such as the following:
"Whoever commits evil or wrongs himself and then pleads God for forgiveness, will find God all-forgiving, all-merciful." (4:110)
2. Covering the sin - Sometimes not only the sin is forgiven, but it is also covered by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Thus, on the Day of Judgment, no one would be able to find out the sin which this person had committed because it has been covered. This is preferable to people reading your record of the deeds and discovering your wrongdoings, even though they are forgiven. For example, the Qur’an says:
"If you disclose your charities, that is well, but if you hide them and give them to the poor, that is better for you, and it will atone for some of your misdeeds, and God is well aware of what you do." (2:271)
3. Wiping out sins - According to Islamic sources, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) may wipe out the sins and bad actions of certain people. This seems to be a kind of forgiveness which is more than simple forgiveness or even forgiveness with covering and hiding the sins, because here the sins are totally wiped out with no trace of them remaining.
The advantage of the latter is that the corrected error would not be known by others and the one who has been forgiven would not be reminded of his sin. However, there is a worry that this cover may be removed and the sins under it might be disclosed.
Thus a more powerful form of forgiveness is to entirely wipe out the error. For example, Imam Sadiq (s) is quoted as saying:
"Friday has an obligatory right. Be careful not to miss it or to do little in worshipping Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and getting closer to Him through righteous deeds and refraining from all sins. Truly, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) multiplies good actions and wipes out the sins on this day, and ranks will be elevated. Its night is like its day. If you are able to revive it by supplicating and saying prayer, do so, because Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) multiplies in it good deeds and wipes out the bad deeds. Truly Allah is All-bounteous, Generous."
We also read in a hadith from Imam Baqir (a):
"The one who [sincerely] repents is like the one who has never done any sin."
4. Transformation of sins into good deeds - According to the Qur’an and hadith, not only does Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) forgives the sins of those who repent, but He may also transform their bad deeds into good ones:
"Excepting those who repent, attain faith, and act righteously. For such, God will replace their misdeeds with good deeds, and God is all-forgiving, all-merciful. (He wipes out the sins) and in each place writes down a good action." (25:70)
This is much more than forgiving sins and wiping them out. In this way, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) actually replaces their sins with good actions and rewards them for these good sins. Not only will they not be punished for their sins, but they will be able to recover at least part of their loss. Certainly everyone who does not harvest good in his life is in loss, even if he does not do anything sinful.
Interestingly, it can be understood from a saying of Imam Sajjad (a) that good deeds which are replaced with bad actions might still be multiplied like the good actions of the pious. Imam Sajjad (a) addresses Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in one of his supplications:
"O He who changes evil deeds into manifold good deeds!"
Not only does He replace good actions with bad actions, but He changes bad actions into manifold good actions. For example, one who has spent one pound sinfully after repentance and receiving this type of treatment from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), he would receive rewards for spending several pounds in good purposes in the record of his deeds on the Day of Judgement.
Reflecting on 1) the types of people who would be forgiven, 2) the types of people who would have their sins covered, 3) those who have sins that have been wiped out, and 4) those who would see their sins changed into a manifold of good actions, it might be inferred that if someone who has committed sins regrets sincerely and decides not to repeat them, his sins will be forgiven.
As far as Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is concerned, there is no doubt about this. The repentant’s comprehension would increase resulting in the strength of his regret. He feels ashamed because although his sins are forgiven, he continues to ponder over his condition on the Day of Judgment, when he will stand in front of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and the witnesses as his sins are being read to him. Although they will finally be forgiven, he would worry about his honor and tell himself, “It is disgraceful and shameful to me that before God’s forgiveness is announced, my sins will be read in the presence of the Prophet, Imams, and the general public.” For such people, Allah hides or even erases their bad deeds.
As his understanding increases knowing that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has forgiven him and has promised to preserve his honour, what about the time and opportunities he wasted? He could have taken many provisions during those years for his eternal journey. For such people, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) transforms their bad actions to good ones to prevent them worrying too much about their provision.
But there is still a chance to develop their understanding and think that it is great that their bad actions have been changed into good actions, although we are still losing because those with good actions have been multiplied at least ten times, but our newly given good actions are not multiplied. It might be for such people that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) changes their bad deeds into multiplied good actions.
Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) does not punish anyone for another person’s bad action, but He may forgive a sinner for another person’s good action
Another aspect of divine mercy is that sometimes Allah (s) forgives someone for the sake of another person. For example, the Qur’an says:
"The faithful and their descendants who followed them in faith —We will make their descendants join them, and We will not stint anything from [the reward of] their deeds. Every man is a hostage to what he has earned." (52:21)
https://www.al-Islam.org/message-thaqalayn/vol-13-no-3-autumn-2012/understanding-God-s-mercy-part-8-Mohammed-Ali-shomali

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