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In the Name of God بسم الله

I don't know how to react..

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Camelia

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Salam,

My BFF... we've been like friends since forever.. grew up together and decided to wear hijab together now acting really weird. Shes been telling me that she didn't like her hijab, that it's not her... that it limits her freedom and stuff, and I dunno what to do. I'm really sad and I feel really alone. We were the only hijabis at school but since last week she's not a hijabi anymore. She took it off.. she said she didn't believe in it anymore..

She used to be really devoted and religious and I don't know why the sudden change of heart. I have also other friends (not bffs) who are not practicing and I don't mind them not wearing hijab but I personally think that it's wrong to just take it off.. you can't just take your hijab off.... but I dunno what I should say to her. I don't feel like talking to her anymore and I've been avoiding her.... I don't want her to feel that I'm discriminating her or something because of her decision.. she's a big girl and she can do whatever she wants.. but I just don't think we can be bff anymore although I'm really sad about it..

I can only hope that she'll change her mind... she's posting now many pics of hers without hijab on facebook.. and it hurts me it's as if she left Islam or something it breaks my heart.

Is it normal to feel this way? Please tell me what I have to do...

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Your feelings are completely understandable, these situations come as a shock and they make us think twice about our life.

Friends are there to tell you what is right and what is wrong, the least you should do is talk to her and pray to God to guide her.

Place yourself in her position, be whatever factor made you become like her (God forbid), and think would you want your lifelong friend to leave you when you make an incorrect decision? Would you like it if when you were doing wrong your best friend wouldn't tell you her feelings about you? Don't you think you would be discouraged to return to how you were before if you saw your closest friend behave in such a manner?

The answers to those are clear: you would want your friend by you at all times, especially at the times of doubt. These times you should not leave your friend, but try and guide her towards the right path. Have you tried sitting down with her and being open about your worries to her? If she was a great friend before, there should be no reason that this characteristic has changed and that she would still be willing to sit with you and discuss her feelings and her thoughts. It’s a wonder how much talking with a person can open your eyes. Avoiding her makes the situation even more awkward and then it becomes hard for you both to communicate normally with each other.

After all, we are all human; and we all have our days, but when we do, we want our friends nearby guiding us towards the right direction.

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Sounds to me that the problem is not merely hijab itself - it's likely something deeper than that. Pressure to 'fit in' (which is a HUGE stressor for teenagers) could be part of it... family issues (perhaps someone close to her - a family member or even a friend - or with power over her is pressuring her to take it off?), school issues, she may not have fully understood the reasons for wearing hijab in the first place, or she may not have a deep knowledge of the religion itself and as a result is more easily susceptible to the allure of the world. It would be good to sit down with her to just ask her what her rationale is for it, in a non-judgmental, merely curious way. You need to create an open, safe environment for her to tell you her true reasons. If you come off as angry, close-minded and/or intolerant, she'll close up and likely will be defensive instead of actually honest with you.

What's important for you is to always be her friend no matter what choices she makes. By shutting her out, you're closing the door in her face when she may really need a good friend right now to fall back on. She may be trying something new and tempting, unmindful of the possible consequences (again a teenager thing), and when things begin to backfire, she'll need a solid, strong person to gently and patiently help her back to the right path. Don't be judgmental - let her make her own decisions but be there for her when she needs it. Some people have to learn the hard way.

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Thanks everyone for your replies. The thing is, we're not teenagers anymore.. we're in college, and I think many people change when they are growing up. I'm heartbroken, it's as if she renounced herself from Islam. I never expected this from her, and last night when I tried to talk to her on msn, she acted as if it wasn't a big deal, as if everything she did previously for Islam was a joke. I told her about how she was passionate about hijab before, when she even gave me link about articles that encourage Hijab. We both know very well about the importance of hijab and she knows even more than me because she reads and researches more about these things. What she told me, just like what many women without hijab tell everyone.. (I also read many members here telling the same reasons) like it's not in the quran.. n stuff

She said she wants to be Muslim but she also wants to be free.. I know from the way she said it shes made her mind about it and there's nothing I can do about it... and I suddenly became very hurt and sad that I just don't see her as my best friend anymore, I can act as if I'm fine with it but it's just too painful..

I keep looking back to the time when I looked up to her... thinking I wanted to be like her, so devoted to religion.. so passionate... and smart... and now this..

I hate what she's doing to herself.. I hate it that she blatantly disobeying God and yet be proud about it... :cry: :cry:

Edited by Camelia
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People change all the time, muslim women take off their hijabs all the time you'll be surprised!.. don't be so worried about something other people go through. In the end, she will be the one whos responsible for her actions in front of God.. and you'll be responsible for yours.

I know it's hard.... but it's not in your hand.. just accept it and move on. If you don't want to be friends again just let her know that you're hurt because of her decision and give yourself some time away from her.

Hope it helps

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Salam,

It's normal (but painful, at the time) to "grow apart" from a friend. As a person who is (probably) a little bit older then you, I can tell you that it's likely to happen to you many more times in your life (unfortunately).

As you become an adult, you will see for yourself how people "shake off" their upbringing and the social enviroment of their youth (which they had no choice in) and CHOOSE the people, idea's, social enviroments, etc. that will shape their adult life. Ultimately these are individual choices, and each person will be accountable before Allah (s.w.a.) for these choice's on Youm Al'Qiyam (The Day of Judgement).

The important thing for you is to not take it personally. Most likely, your friends choice has nothing to do with you or your friendship. I'm sure that she still consider's you a friend, but feels uncomfortable with you because she knows that you disagree with her choice. Generally, this discomfort ends friendships, but not always. It is not likely that your discussions with her will change her behavior in the short term. In the long term, only Allah (s.w.a.) knows.

Here is my advice. At least leave the "door open" to a realtionship in the future (even if your relationship ends for awhile). Be clear that you disagree with her choice, however, you still care about her as a person and you will always be her friend. Again, this will likely not change anything now, but life experience may teach her (but, unfortunately, probably not without damaging her as well) and she may "revisit" her decision at some point in the future. If she does, hopefully she will turn to you for help and will be more receptive to it.

Salam,

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