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In the Name of God بسم الله
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In Search Of True FaiTh

please advice

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(bismillah)

As salaam alaikum...

i got a marriage proposal and my parents like the guy very much. he is the son of my mom's friend and we know thier family well they are very gud and mashallah religious as well but my concern is that i dont know him much and i noticed that he is a very serious kind and talks less and am scared of him, his sister is my very gud frnd.

should i agree to marry him. i even want to pray istekhara but i dont know the procedure can anyone help me please...

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Some people are just shy and silent... try to get to know him better before you decide to marry him! Ask his msn id..

hehehe very true ask for his ID ,this is the best and safest way to know some one specially when u are scared of him as u mentioned

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istekhara is not a bad first step. it is good for those things that are neither wajib nor haram. because a decision like this will effect the rest of your life, it is quite useful to receive Allah's wisdom on the matter. afaik, you should have someone who knows how to interpret qur'an do the istekhara, like a trusted alim.

as a guy, i can say that there are many reasons why a guy might be quiet around you. it could be that he has been interested in you for awhile. in my case, for my own reasons, i get very apprehensive when in the presence of a girl i might be interested in, very counter-productive. women easily detect apprehension. if they don't know the cause of that apprehension, it can be kind of scary for her. and you just proved that. there is no reason to believe he is anyone to be afraid of, especially if you know he comes from a compatible family. definitely investigate it further, take a little time to get to know him, exchange a few emails.

if you don't make any promises, then he should have no expectations. if you are clear and straight forward with him, he won't have to guess how you feel, it will be apparent. remember that for most men it is at best difficult to approach a woman, even if that approach is in an honorable way as you have described this brother's approach. be thorough in your consideration but don't let it drag on. maybe consider it in three steps. the first step should be you deciding on if it is a possibility (a few emails should tell you this). if it is not, quickly but graciously let him know. if marriage is a possibility, let him know, and then see if you can make it a reality. that's a delicate process where rights and responsibilities and life goals are discussed. probably a lot of negotiation. if that is successful, seal the deal.

don't see it so much as a marriage proposal as 'an investigation into the possibility of marriage.'

EDIT: i didn't realize this was the sister's forum, i was in active topics.

Edited by Photi

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(bismillah)

As salaam alaikum...

i got a marriage proposal and my parents like the guy very much. he is the son of my mom's friend and we know thier family well they are very gud and mashallah religious as well but my concern is that i dont know him much and i noticed that he is a very serious kind and talks less and am scared of him, his sister is my very gud frnd.

should i agree to marry him. i even want to pray istekhara but i dont know the procedure can anyone help me please...

i forgot to mention that we are in Dubai now and he is in Qatar. i usually call my frnd but am feeling shy to ask her his id... n i dont even have his number. am too shy to ask all these. (they might take it in a wrong way).

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Dubai & Qatar...aren't they like and an hours drive apart?

Anyways, get your friend to give her brother your ID. That way he can take the initiative and no one will take it the wrong way.

Hope it works out.

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istekhara:

http://www.duas.org/istikhara.htm

DUA'A 8 Given below is the method of seeking istikhara from the holy quaran recommended by the Propher

(i) Recite al Ikhlas 3 times

(ii) recite salawat at 3 times

(iii) then say:

ALLAAHUMMA INNEE TAFAA-ALTU BIKITAABIKA WA TAWAKKALTU A'LAYKA FA-ARINEE MIN KITAABIKA MAA HUWA MAKTOOBUN MIN SIRRIKAL MAKANOONI FEE GHAYBIKA

(iv) Open the Holy Quran and derive the indication from the first line of right hand page.

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google his name, its amazin what you can find out about people...

errm, hang on, your best mates with this guys sister? surely shes spoken about him, and youve picked up a lil about what he's like?

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(salam)

Stop being nervous ..now is the time to think rationally. If he is from a good family then that is a good initial sign. Second step is you may ask around and see if there are major scandal. Third step is to talk to the guy himself.

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Salaams Sister

I think u should get to know him and see if you click with his personality. If you do then by all means, go ahead with accepting the proposal.

Keep your convo's with him decent and discuss interests, hobbies etc. =)

Allah Kareem

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Good luck Sis

Pray to God that you will make the right descision ... hopefully he might be your Hero as my friend call her husband :D people are imperfect and hope that his imperfection is tolerable ...

wish you the best

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my advice, first see if boy is handsome(smart) and talk to him if you can and you are going to stay with him so make sure you like him and his behaviour if you dont like him then simply tell your parents you cannot marry him.

but parents ka dil rakhna bhi zaroori hai infact they always sees good for there childrens, so if you like the boy tell your parents clearly dont waste your time thinking whether i shall get marry to him or not.

istekhara is not necessary since you are adult and you can judge if something is good or bad.

if you like the boy say you want to marry him and if you dont say you dont want to marry.

dont make confusions in your family and other people. later it will hurt.

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my advice, first see if boy is handsome(smart) and talk to him if you can and you are going to stay with him so make sure you like him and his behaviour if you dont like him then simply tell your parents you cannot marry him.

i have seen him since my childhood and he is mashallah very handsome.. only thing is i never spoke with him...

but now i asked my frnd almost everything about him and even spoke with him twice am satisfied.

inshallah we will be getting engaged within a month, and marry next year probably.

thank you everyone for ur concern and replies

plz pray that we have a happy married life inshallah.

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Congratulations sis! Since he is the one, I pray that you have a perfectly blissful life. Good luck!

google his name, its amazin what you can find out about people...

I totally agree! It's the easiest way to track someone, if you know definitely more than a name that is....

Apparently someone by my name is a "dancer" in California.

Lol. Thankfully, only my junk pops up when I'm googled!

Edited by razz110

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Some people are just shy and silent... try to get to know him better before you decide to marry him! Ask his msn id..

its an old saying, rishtay MSN par hotay hain or talaqain Yahoo par.

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