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Zuljenah

Mahr

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Salaam,

Sorry if this thread has been made before. I didn't feel like searching.

So I was just having a discussion with someone about mahr. I personally feel that a girl should ask for at least $100,000.

This is the way I understand it...

No one accepts payment of Mahr upon marriage. It's usually paid in case of a divorce. So therefore, I feel, taking into consideration today's cost of living in America, that $100,000 is not an unreasonable amount.

God forbid there should be a divorce, how much will $100,000 last for anyway? There are bills to pay, kids to feed and clothe, to send off to college, etc. etc. Today's cost of living is high.

Of course not every male can afford $100,000. So I feel mahr should be open to negotiation. But I feel the starting amount should not be less than $100,000.

Yes, it's not a business transaction, but I don't think a girl should "sell" herself cheaply either.

Like I said, of course not every man will be able to afford such an amount, but I feel it can be open to negotiation.

My friend stated that Hazrat Fatimah's (as) mahr was the price of a shield. I am not aware what her mahr was, but if this is what it was, we are living in a different time today... so I believe that we really can't make that comparison today.

Anyway, I want to get some feedback. How much is too much? I feel it is also a matter of self respect. I wouldn't want to "sell" myself cheap. Again, I KNOW it's NOT a business transaction, but I am not sure how else to phrase it :huh: and again, mahr is normally only paid out at time of divorce, not at time of marriage.

Therefore, I believe if you settle for say $7,000, it's almost like saying that your marriage won't last or you won't even put effort into it. And again, in the case of divorce, I don't think $7,000 or even $17,000 will support the woman (or her kids if she has any).

Anyway, input?? How much is too much? Before I say anymore, I just wanna see some replies, to which I can then reply. I realize again that everyone has different means, etc. etc. But again, I also feel it's a matter of self respect, so the "bidding" should start at a high amount and then negotiations can take place.

Ok, thanks!

Take care, ma'Salaama

Edited by Zuljenah

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Mahr ≥ $100,000 ?

das like punishing the husbands for breaking up the relationship; and treating women as if they are the victims. I have noticed that the girls in the US are just as hard headed as guys are, and r not willing to work it out.

I think the mahr shudnt be more than $15,000.

She can work and support herself and her kids (if she get to keep the kids.) During the time of Prophet (pbuh), there werent too many places where women cud work.

n btw, no muslim in their rite mind shud agree to sucha big mahr payment..... he shud rather stay sinlge.

WS

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lol youre going down. if its financial security youre aiming at for hte woman, then naming a price that will be paid in the future isnt hte way to go. the value of money changes besides its very difficult to get a sum of money out of someone who is divorcing you, women find it hard enough to get some men to pay child support.

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100 K?

Are you on crack cocaine???

She be lucky if she gets a pack of juicy fruit from me blud!!

I can't even afford 100 rupees...................................

imagine if all you hijjabis asked for 100k..............that would be like another 100k influx of marriage threads on shiachat

oh followed by 100k mutah threads cuz of guys not being able to get married...

that only leaves me with one thing to say.......that women shouldn't complain about mutah!!!! :D

QABILTU QABILTU QABILTU QABILTU

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Salaam,

Sorry if this thread has been made before. I didn't feel like searching.

So I was just having a discussion with someone about mahr. I personally feel that a girl should ask for at least $100,000.

Just 100,000? That's cheap!! It should be around 1,000,000!!! Raise it up !! :P

Btw, marriages are economic transactions between two parties!!

Edited by Aal-e-Imran

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:rolleyes:

anyway yes, no man who cant afford to pay 100k upfront should accept such a mahr, or woman. islamically he has to pay the money when and if she asks for it at any time once they are married. thats how some men in iran have ended up in jail.

another thing, a womans worth is not measured in the monetary value of her mahr. so shes not "selling" herself "cheap", by accepting a small mahr.

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:rolleyes:

another thing, a womans worth is not measured in the monetary value of her mahr. so shes not "selling" herself "cheap", by accepting a small mahr.

That's entirely untrue in how your society, patriarchal families and societies, that you are a part of and (re)produce daily actually operates in reality!! Marriages (and family) are part and parcel of capitalist economic structure whether anyone acknowledges it or not and in a marriage you are daily engaged in "business transactions"!!

:realangery: ARGH!!! peace out bruvistaz!!!

Edited by rhizome

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A large Mahr doesn't necessarily mean any security for the marriage. What if the couple doesn't get along, and it's beyond the help of therapy, and the only roadblock to divorce is that the guy can't afford the Mahr? Besides, imagine inflation occurs and that 100,000 may only buy the female a cardboard box to live in? Different precautions should be taken such as, getting a good education, and securing consistent employment and so on.

Also... it wouldn't be a good idea to have the spouse thinking you only want a large mahr because you think the marriage will inevitably fail.

If the guy is sketchy, don't even worry about the Mahr, just leave and don't marry him to start with. I have a friend who paid $14,000 for her flower arrangements at her wedding, and her Mahr included a brand new house, sadly the marriage failed after literally weeks.

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Providing education is the best mahr (a poster brought this up before in another thead)- however, many tiimes, after marriage, the girl is carrying a baby instead of books...so the mahr should include birth control means as well! But nothing will provide better for her future than a means to earn a living should she ever need to do so.

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It's very unfortunate that this idea about Mahr has gained such credibility.

If you want an honest guy to marry you (which is, I am assuming what you want but I could be wrong), then if your maher was $100,000 he would have to have $100,000 in the bank at the time of your marriage. This is because there is a possibility (maybe not large, but still a possibility and it does happen sometimes) that you could get divorced the next day, if he or you decide that the marriage will not work out for one reason or another. Divorce is most probable in the first 1 or 2 years of marriage according to statistics. He will be obligated to give you the money the next day, which means he would already have to have it on hand. I hope you realize this before going ahead and asking for it. Realize also that $100,000 is more than two years of the average gross (before taxes) income in the United States. Even if he is a wealthy guy and earns $100,000 per year, he would have to have more than a year of his salary (I am assuming he will pay taxes on it) on hand. You are assuming he has no bills like house, car payment, and other obligations to pay with that money. That is a huge assumption. I am assuming less than 1% of young, single guys would have that kind of cash on hand. Good luck finding them.

Of course, most of the mahr inflation is happening because of greedy families and girls and dishonest guys working together to cause this problem. Many guys will say they have $100,000 in the bank. Of course they don't. They are assuming that they will never get divorced, or they are hoping that by the time they get divorced, they will have it. This is the guy trying to predict the future (it even says in the Holy Quran that no man knows what he will earn tomorrow and yet most guys think they know) and this doesn't work out so well in most cases. This has cause more bitterness and hatred amoung families in my community than you can imagine. This is one(amoung many) of the things that is breaking apart the ummah.

Mahr is meant to be a gift, not a meal ticket for the girl for the rest of her life. If there are children, then the man is still obligated to support no matter what happens with the marriage. That support is not included in the mahr. It is a completely seperate issue. The husband is not obligated to support the divorced wife beyond the period of her iddah. Many do anyway, because of their kindness and generosity, but it is not required under Sharia. It is assumed that the wife will find other means of support after that point.

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Salam,

What may be a better option is ensuring a provision for the women to initiate divirce else she may find her self having to pay 100k in a khulla divorce!

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It's very unfortunate that this idea about Mahr has gained such credibility.

If you want an honest guy to marry you (which is, I am assuming what you want but I could be wrong), then if your maher was $100,000 he would have to have $100,000 in the bank at the time of your marriage. This is because there is a possibility (maybe not large, but still a possibility and it does happen sometimes) that you could get divorced the next day, if he or you decide that the marriage will not work out for one reason or another. Divorce is most probable in the first 1 or 2 years of marriage according to statistics. He will be obligated to give you the money the next day, which means he would already have to have it on hand.

In my experience, the family helps with the mahr - a young guy would not have much if any money.

Mahr is meant to be a gift, not a meal ticket for the girl for the rest of her life. If there are children, then the man is still obligated to support no matter what happens with the marriage. That support is not included in the mahr. It is a completely seperate issue. The husband is not obligated to support the divorced wife beyond the period of her iddah. Many do anyway, because of their kindness and generosity, but it is not required under Sharia. It is assumed that the wife will find other means of support after that point.

There seems to be lots of talk about greedy women - if the women is ever in a position where she would request the mahr due to separation, the chances are that the man becomes the greedy one and does not support his children despite what he is obligated to do. Studies have shown that the man will provide minimally for his children for a few months and then he, and his support monies, move on. The greedy women are left in poverty if they do not have means to fall back on (education/job training would be ideal) - but they and their dependents may really need that money.

I have the means to provide for myself so I am not so concerned about this, but a girl that marries very young should definitely have an investment in her name. this has nothing to do with greed - it has to do with reality.

Edited by Maryaam

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In my experience, the family helps with the mahr - a young guy would not have much if any money.

That may be your experience, but mine is quite different. I have had pm conversations with a few young men in just the last few weeks who are trying to get married, their parents don't agree with them getting married early(late teens, early 20s), even though their parents are muslim and islam encourages this, so their parent refuse to help them get married, including helping them with the mahr. This is quite common now days. Then there is the case of men who are reverts and unmarried (like I was at one time). Not only would my family not help me financially, they refused to have anything to do with me or my wife for about 7 years. Then there is the case of many young men (revert and born muslim) who are going to school and working two jobs just to pay the basic bills every month. Then there is the case of young men who have relatives overseas that they have to help support, etc, etc. Add up all these cases and I would say it's the majority of young muslim and young Shia men in the US. The young guys you are talking about do exist, but they are a minority, in my experience.

So should the majority stay unmarried till they have enough to pay a $100,000 maher. That may be a long time, years or maybe decades.

So it seems to me that you (along with many other sisters on SC) are advocating young men stay single for years or decades while they are saving up for the big mahr amount. Is this what you are actually saying or do I have it wrong? Please tell me that is not what you are advocating.

There seems to be lots of talk about greedy women - if the women is ever in a position where she would request the mahr due to separation, the chances are that the man becomes the greedy one and does not support his children despite what he is obligated to do. Studies have shown that the man will provide minimally for his children for a few months and then he, and his support monies, move on. The greedy women are left in poverty if they do not have means to fall back on (education/job training would be ideal) - but they and their dependents may really need that money.

I have the means to provide for myself so I am not so concerned about this, but a girl that marries very young should definitely have an investment in her name. this has nothing to do with greed - it has to do with reality.

Islam is not a religion of premptive strikes. You cannot assume a man will not support his children and then 'build it in' to the mahr amount. That is not Islam.

The solution is to marry a mumin guy. The prophet(pbuh) even encourages women to investigate the guys Iman and Taqwa before marriage so you can know if he is a muimin or not. A mumin guy may get divorced from his wife due to extraordinary circumstances, but he does not enter a marriage with divorce in his mind. Also, A muimin guy does not leave his children without support. Period. A guy who does that has not taqwa or Iman whatsoever. There is a well know hadith from Rasoulallah(pbuh) that say (this is a paraphrase but I can post the exact hadith if requested) it is enough of a sin for a man(enough of a sin to put him in a very bad situation on the day of judgement) that he leave his child or children without financial support. So that one sin is enough to disqualify a man from being a muimin, regardless of any other sins he may have done. It is absolutely unacceptable in Islam. Is that clear enough? Again, this has nothing to do with mahr.

I understand a girl (especially young girl) wanting to protect her name and reputation. That is perfectly fine. You protect your name by not acting indecently.

A girl who is in a halal Islamic marriage is safe in her reputation and has dignity. Of course, relatives are going to talk and say 'Oh, the guy lives in the US, she should have taken a big amount from him for the mahr. Is she stupid or what...'. That will be the talk. If the girl is concerned about the talk, then she will never have rest since people who want to talk are going to regardless of what you do. It will be the mahr this week, then next week maybe they will talk about her cooking or how she cleans her house or how they don't like her husband's mustache, etc. etc. The solution is to just limit contact with those 'talking' people, even if they are your relatives. That is reality from where I stand.

I am not trying to argue with you and I do appreciate you expressing your opinion on this topic. Salams,

Edited by Abu Hadi

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my post got edited for giving sista zuljenah some naseeha?? what!!

maybe u did not like the way i said it even though this forum is full of harsh talkz and slander much worse than what i said. soooooo in easy words:

sista u need to go back to islam. u seem much less into islamz than what u were beforeeeeee. i speakin da truth. there waz a time when u sounded much more pious. introspect blad. <- are u gonna edit that? what edit advice? !!!???!!!

soooo back to topic. mahr. big mahr.

its silly how we have dis discussion without quoting the family. THE FAMILY. enuff said.

when in doubt quote muhammad pbuh&hf

The Prophet (S) said, ‘Do not exaggerate dowries of women, lest enmity comes out!’

Makarim al-Akhlaq, p.123, Bihar al-Anwar, vol.103 p.351

The Prophet (S) says, ‘The best women of my umma are those of prettiest faces and smallest dowries.

Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 103 p.237.

The Prophet (S) said, ‘Be lenient in dowries, because a man may give a dowry to a woman (wife) but it may be as a cause of hatred in his heart against her.

Wassa’il ash-Shia, vol.15 p.11

The Prophet (S) also said, ‘The best of dowries is the easiest of them.

Wassa’il ash-Shia, vol.15 p.11

Imam Ali (a.s.) said, ‘Do not exaggerate in women’s dowries, lest enmity comes out!’

Wassa’il ash-Shia, vol.15 p.11

Imam as-Sadiq (a.s.) said, ‘…As for the evil omen of woman, it is her high dowry and disobedience of her husband.

Wassa’il ash-Shia, vol.15 p.11

shut the topic. THE FAMILY have spoken, the holy ones. end the discussion. no more argumentzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Right On, Bro ^ hadith.

That won't end it though. Expect some harsh replies. :angry:

BTW, sis Zuljenah was just asking if she should ask for $100,000. She didn't say she would.

Anyway, she's a solid Shia sis, just has a different opinion. That is why we are discussing. Don't make this personal.

That might be why your post got edited (I don't know who did it though).

Edited by Abu Hadi

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So it seems to me that you (along with many other sisters on SC) are advocating young men stay single for years or decades while they are saving up for the big mahr amount. Is this what you are actually saying or do I have it wrong? Please tell me that is not what you are advocating.

what large amount of 'sisters' on sc have shown that they advocate a mahr of 100k? where are these sisters? sure there are greedy people, but most of the time, what you call greed is based on a concern by the family of the girl to see her in a financially secure situation. This may be what Maryaam was getting at. Some fathers will also use a large mahr as a deterrant, to get rid of prposers that their daughter really likes, but he doesnt approve of. So when the young man walks away, the father can safely say, "see he didnt think you were worth it/fighting for". That way the father doesnt come out as the bad guy with his daughter (or at least redirects some of his daughters disappointment towards the suitor) and he gets his way too.

why dont you also quote hadith where omar tried to limit a womans mahr and imam ali said that a woman can ask for however much she wants.

if a womans mahr is not something you can pay, then you could just not marry her. there are plenty of women out there who would not ask an amount more than what you can give. furthermore, there is also the father factor. then it comes down to whether you have the will to try to reason with him. in many cases the father's views are not a reflection of what the girls views are. he is more often than not however, looking out for his daughter's welfare, and he too was once a young man like many of the fellow pming you. so perhaps you shoudl take up your argument with the fathers, not the imaginary sisters.

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Salaam,

Thanks for all the replies. But none of you stated what you would ask for or what you think is reasonable. So please state what you think is reasonable then.

(salam)

Good luck getting married. And staying married.

Islam is not limited to material posessions.

That's a very rude reply. Not needed. Thank you.

There seems to be lots of talk about greedy women - if the women is ever in a position where she would request the mahr due to separation, the chances are that the man becomes the greedy one and does not support his children despite what he is obligated to do. Studies have shown that the man will provide minimally for his children for a few months and then he, and his support monies, move on. The greedy women are left in poverty if they do not have means to fall back on (education/job training would be ideal) - but they and their dependents may really need that money.

I have the means to provide for myself so I am not so concerned about this, but a girl that marries very young should definitely have an investment in her name. this has nothing to do with greed - it has to do with reality.

The bolded part is one of the points I was trying to make.

The solution is to marry a mumin guy. The prophet(pbuh) even encourages women to investigate the guys Iman and Taqwa before marriage so you can know if he is a muimin or not. A mumin guy may get divorced from his wife due to extraordinary circumstances, but he does not enter a marriage with divorce in his mind. Also, A muimin guy does not leave his children without support. Period. A guy who does that has not taqwa or Iman whatsoever. There is a well know hadith from Rasoulallah(pbuh) that say (this is a paraphrase but I can post the exact hadith if requested) it is enough of a sin for a man(enough of a sin to put him in a very bad situation on the day of judgement) that he leave his child or children without financial support. So that one sin is enough to disqualify a man from being a muimin, regardless of any other sins he may have done. It is absolutely unacceptable in Islam. Is that clear enough? Again, this has nothing to do with mahr.

You make it seem like finding a momin is so easy. A lot of people can be and have been deceptive. They seem like extremely pious decent Shi'as, but their actions after marriage prove completely otherwise. I have seen this with my own eyes.

my post got edited for giving sista zuljenah some naseeha?? what!!

maybe u did not like the way i said it even though this forum is full of harsh talkz and slander much worse than what i said. soooooo in easy words:

sista u need to go back to islam. u seem much less into islamz than what u were beforeeeeee. i speakin da truth. there waz a time when u sounded much more pious. introspect blad. <- are u gonna edit that? what edit advice? !!!???!!!

soooo back to topic. mahr. big mahr.

Who the hell are you? I need to go "back" to Islam? How would you know if I've come away from it or not? If you're man (or woman) enough, then don't hide behind some new username, post under the username which I knew you by. Otherwise keep your opinions about ME to yourself.

_____________________________

I understand not every man can afford $100,000. You all seem to have missed the part where I said this is open to NEGOTIATION. It would be a starting point.

Perhaps my vision is skewed, as I know a woman who was married with a mahr amount of over $100,000. But yes, her husband can afford it. I realize everyone can NOT afford it, which is why I mentioned negotiations.

And I agree a woman's safest bet is to get an education and have a career with which she should be able to support herself.

So... again, what IS a reasonable amount for the average person?

Keep your replies polite, please. There is no reason to backbite, so I don't want to hear any negative comments. I would like some decent replies. If you wanna talk trash, go somewhere else.

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I personally feel that a girl should ask for at least $100,000.

Girl, you are really pushing it :dry:. We are not the sons of Bill Gate.

Woman who are asking for that much money are really guaranteeing living a single life. 5-15 k sounds more reasonable.

Edited by Kaka Sahib

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sista Zuljenah u missed the point!!! u didnt even comment on the hadiths. If you want $$$ from ur future husband then at leat ask for it as a gift apart from mahr. make the mahr small cause its mustahab and then ask for some $$$$$ as anohter gift. i still think its unwise becasue it breeds hatered but at least its "slightly less unislamic".

brudas please dont get upset with this topic!!!! there are looooadzzzz of good gurlzzzz hu dont ask for dollarz.

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This topic brings out a variety of different personalities. Women first:

i- the girl/parents who doesn't want to ask for much because everything is given and taken away from Allah swt

ii- the girl/parents who asks for a lot to secure her future in case anything happens

ii- the girl/parents who ask for a lot because its the closest thing to hitting a halal lottery (a lot rarer than most people think)

Now guys:

i- the guy who won't agree to what he perceives as an expensive mahr (some guys go hysterical over reasonable amounts too) and walks away

ii- the guy who sucks it up and starts working his behind off

iii- the guy who weighs it up in his head, maybe does some research into today's average mahr

iv- the guy who agrees with the condition that most of it is paid in instance of divorce, where he makes her give it up to get it.

I think if a mahr is reasonable for that current point in time (whether or not a guy believes it to be so), then guys shouldn't sook. Just because someone only received $1000 a hundred years ago doesn't mean that women get that amount today; it might be worth more or less. I think the mahr of the Prophet saws wife khadija was 20 camels? I'm pretty sure that would've been worth quite a bit in its time.

I think i read somewhere that women can ask for whats considered to be the average mahr at the time, so if that happens to be 50k then is it unreasonable?

Having said all of that though, i do personally think women are going a bit nuts with it these days, but i think its more out of security and learning from other fallen relationships rather than them being money hungry. I think they're getting the short end of the stick though, because most women end up getting nothing at all because that money gets spent on household items, or the woman gives it up either out of kindness or to get a divorce. So all they end up with is people gossiping about what gold diggers they are.

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Oh my God. Do you people even READ my posts before replying? :dry:

Nah.

But as soon as I came home from skool I recieved several angry emails, textmessages and pm's about some girl on SC asking for 100 k.

Edited by Kaka Sahib

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Nah.

But as soon as I came home from skool I recieved several angry emails, textmessages and pm's about some girl on SC asking for 100 k.

Why would people send YOU angry emails, textmessages and PMs about some girl on SC asking for 100 k ? Makes no sense.

And for god's sake, I didn't ask anyone for 100 K. It's just a thread asking for some input/discussion. My God.

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If a pious woman has been previously divorced by a very bad husband (who married her only with fraudulent intentions), it is natural for the woman to think of ways in which her re-marriage would not turn out the same way.

Demanding $100,000 mahr in such a case does not show that the woman is greedy, but it would drive away men who would want to marry that woman only for their own vested interests.

An extremely high mahr would prove a stong deterrent for the man who wants to marry the woman only for the wrong reasons - such as getting a nationality, snatching her wealth or other material benefits.

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If a pious woman has been previously divorced by a very bad husband (who married her only with fraudulent intentions), it is natural for the woman to think of ways in which her re-marriage would not turn out the same way.

Demanding $100,000 mahr in such a case does not show that the woman is greedy, but it would drive away men who would want to marry that woman only for their own vested interests.

An extremely high mahr would prove a stong deterrent for the man who wants to marry the woman only for the wrong reasons - such as getting a nationality, snatching her wealth or other material benefits.

I had never thought of this - but tis true..

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Why would people send YOU angry emails, textmessages and PMs about some girl on SC asking for 100 k ? Makes no sense.

And for god's sake, I didn't ask anyone for 100 K. It's just a thread asking for some input/discussion. My God.

Lol it doesn't matter, they read 100k and blocked everything else out :P Every time i've come across this topic the majority of guys start arguing against the amount rather than discuss or provide decent input. Its like you've asked them to castrate themselves :o

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An extremely high mahr would prove a stong deterrent for the man who wants to marry the woman only for the wrong reasons - such as getting a nationality, snatching her wealth or other material benefits.

That's true. It would also discourage any honest guy who is not very wealthy. So you are left with two groups, very wealthy guys(very few) and dishonest guys who are willing to lie about how much $ they have(very many). Still like this plan?

In response to Sis Zuljenah's question about how to do find a muimin guy, I think that is a good question. Maybe a better one than the maher question

The short answer is that you should know the guy before you marry him. It is not sufficient that you get recommendations from other people. These people don't have the same vested interest as you that the guy actually be what he says he is. My solution may not be very popular with the parents, but I think the guy and girl should have a mutah before permenant marriage. The contract could include the condition of no sexual contact. This would give the girl an opportunity to be alone with the guy and see him in a variety of situations that are not 'set up' by the families. After about 2 or 3 months seeing someone in different situations can give you a good idea of their personality and overall commitment to Islam. Here are some clues and benchmarks you might use to gauge the Iman and Taqwa. Does the guy act abusive or 'talk down' to other people. This is a huge red flag. Guaranteed he will treat you the same way eventually. Is he kind and respectful to his parents? A guy who is not kind to his parents, well you don't want to have anything to do with him. Does he get up for the morning prayer(salat al fajr) and does he pray on time? Do you catch him lying to you or other people about significant things (not just 'little white lies')? Is he constantly staring at other women? Ask to check his computer when he isn't expecting it to see what sort of web sites he visits. You cannot do this without his permission as this would be spying, but if you ask him it is not. If he won't let you, then that's another red flag. Ask to check the numbers/chat logs on his cell phone. If he is chatting or texting other girls with inappropriate messages, that is another red flag. A mumin guy would not be offended if you asked about these things. He would understand that you are investigating him for marriage and he would probably encourage you to look carefully at his life and behaviour so you can make a decision you are comfortable with. A mumin guy is not perfect, he will make small mistakes, but most people can tell the difference between small mistakes and a pattern of behaviour that may be destructive to your marriage. Don't assume he will change after marriage, because it is very rare. There are other, more elaboate ways to check. I will post these if requested. That is my answer to that one.

Edited by Abu Hadi

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why dont you also quote hadith where omar tried to limit a womans mahr and imam ali said that a woman can ask for however much she wants.

The hadith about an upper limit of mahr does not contradict the other ahadith cited by the br.

If a guy has millions in the bank, then $100,000 or even $200,000 is not an unreasonable amount.

The problem occurs when a standard dollar amount begins to be established by the community for mahr. So now every guy is expected to pay that amount and if he doesn't the girl feels cheated, like she is not getting what she deserves. I don't think mahr amounts should be broadcast. It is between the man and his wife. As I stated previously, the mahr has nothing to do with the girl's 'worth'. You cannot measure the 'worth' of someone in $ or any other currency.

This is an idea from the days when people (mostly women and slaves) were sold on the open market and their dollar amount were calculated based on physical criteria. This is an anti-Islamic idea and also this idea has lost credibility in most places in the world. When a br marries, he is not 'buying' his wife.

It is very clear from the Islamic traditions that mahr is a gift. This gift is based on the wealth of the husband at the time of marriage and what they agree on between themselves. There are many hadith that say that the smaller the mahr, the better. That will create a better relationship between the husband and wife. That is not what I am saying, that is what Rasoulallah(pbuh) said. It is not an insurance policy. It is not a 'purchase price' for the wife.

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I don't support women taking huge mahrs but from the females perspective, this happens to be the dilemma.

Suppose a woman lives in the house of her husband for years, takes his house to be her own and most sincerely works hard to build it up and give it a shape. She, as is the case with most of the women with the exception of those belonging to the modern urban society, cuts down the expenses on food and clothing, sometimes even to the annoyance of her husband, and hesitates to engage a servant to help her in the household work. She sacrifices her youth, energy and health for the sake of her husband and her household. Now, if the husband of such a woman, after years of a joint life, wants to divorce her to marry another woman, he not only wants to bring to nought all the efforts and aspirations of his wife, but also wants to indulge in sexual pleasure at her expense. [Women and her rights by Ayatullah Mutahhari [ar]]

A woman gets nothing except the dowry when her husband divorces her. Now if the dowry is neglible, then is it fair on her?

But then I guess a huge dowry is not the solution. Choosing your spouse wisely is.

Wouldn't it seem more reasonable (though possibly much more expensive) for her to ask him to pay for her professional education or training as mahr? No man is going to agree to $100,000 - and how long will that last anyway? Since education is paid for over a period of years, that is probably more manageable for most men.

That is a very good idea.

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Isn't there a form of payment in the instance of divorce where a woman gets what's considered the standard of her time? I forget the details, but wouldn't that mean that women's dowries need to be known? Also, how come we know so many dowry amounts of the Prophet's time if its meant to be hush hush? I mean, women dont need to brag about it but theres nothing wrong with asking and replying?

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Girl, you are really pushing it :dry:. We are not the sons of Bill Gate.

Woman who are asking for that much money are really guaranteeing living a single life. 5-15 k sounds more reasonable.

shes either a girl or a woman. make your mind up and also brush up on your manners. like i've said many times, kaka, stop talking kaka.

you know zul, im actually enjoying the amount of angst your thread has caused now. :lol:

and shay most people dont talk about mahr, because in a lot of cultures "how much" questions are rude, and also because some people consider it private and dont want people talking about and passing judgemnet on their private life.

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