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Zrubab

I Cant Take This/............

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assalam o alaikum,

i have this feeling that my parents don't take my marraige seriously!.even though there are some proposals available still they dont do much to make things work out.my mother always say that she can't do anything wihout my father's approval and things keep on dragging on!.i feel very disappointed sometime most of my friends are married already and some of them are getting married soon. and i tell my mom i feel like i am getting old and everyone asks me when are you getting married but still i really feel like sometimes they dont even care they are lost in other things so much. they cant see that i m so sad.i know there are other issues in the world other than marriage but still but do they take it so lightly why:(

please advice me i know its not good to feel this way i want to change my mind i dont want to think that they dont care ofcourse they do but why cant they show it to me that they do care why cant???

i won't feel lonely and sad even if they would have showed to me that they do care that they are trying their best. i know its all about the right time but its such a bad feeling to think that no one cares about you!

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(salam)

Maybe your parents are not yet satisfied with the proposals and hence the undue delay. (see, its possible they care extra about you) Urge your mom to talk to your dad about it. Anyways, what do you think is the reason for him not approving such an important milestone of your life?

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(salam)

Maybe your parents are not yet satisfied with the proposals and hence the undue delay. (see, its possible they care extra about you) Urge your mom to talk to your dad about it. Anyways, what do you think is the reason for him not approving such an important milestone of your life?

i don't know what's the reason i feel like i am always pushing my mom to take any step even my sister doesnt care noone cares!

i feel like my mom doesnt understand me what i want i am relying on them i would never go agaisnt their wishes but they should understand what i am going through and its embarassing for me to keep on telling my mom! i feel like she has no interest as i am the one always talking about my marriage. its just so terrible.

i am just gonna stop talking about it eventually dont know what else to do.

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sad situation... hmm

lets go back to Quran for support:

"O you who have faith! Take recourse in patience and prayer;

Indeed Allah is with the patient."

[Holy Quran: Al-Baqarah; 153]

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sad situation... hmm

lets go back to Quran for support:

"O you who have faith! Take recourse in patience and prayer;

Indeed Allah is with the patient."

[Holy Quran: Al-Baqarah; 153]

thank you for qouting this beautiful ayaah i know Allah swt is with the patient but we human beings sometimes loose control over it get tired and i guess that's what my problem is at the moment i am tired!

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assalam o alaikum,

i have this feeling that my parents don't take my marraige seriously!.even though there are some proposals available still they dont do much to make things work out.my mother always say that she can't do anything wihout my father's approval and things keep on dragging on!.i feel very disappointed sometime most of my friends are married already and some of them are getting married soon. and i tell my mom i feel like i am getting old and everyone asks me when are you getting married but still i really feel like sometimes they dont even care they are lost in other things so much. they cant see that i m so sad.i know there are other issues in the world other than marriage but still but do they take it so lightly why:(

please advice me i know its not good to feel this way i want to change my mind i dont want to think that they dont care ofcourse they do but why cant they show it to me that they do care why cant???

i won't feel lonely and sad even if they would have showed to me that they do care that they are trying their best. i know its all about the right time but its such a bad feeling to think that no one cares about you!

Its a really sad situation.Dont u have any other family member who u r close to, as in elder sis or aunt or sumone,who u can talk ur heart to.May b they can talk to ur mom on ur behalf n convience her more openly then u do.

Or else u too take interest in the proposal which come for u....n if u have a little liking for any one, talk to your mom n ask her the reason for the lack of interest in the same.

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Its a really sad situation.Dont u have any other family member who u r close to, as in elder sis or aunt or sumone,who u can talk ur heart to.May b they can talk to ur mom on ur behalf n convience her more openly then u do.

Or else u too take interest in the proposal which come for u....n if u have a little liking for any one, talk to your mom n ask her the reason for the lack of interest in the same.

my elder sis is married and always busy with the kids but i will try talking with her. the problem is my mom always say that she needs my father approval for everything and my father is always busy so it take weeks for things to happen and also my father doesnt say much about anything.

so i just dont see anything hapeening or everythings just too slow even if they dont like the proposal they should goahead and do something reject it or whatever but atleast show some concen!

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my elder sis is married and always busy with the kids but i will try talking with her. the problem is my mom always say that she needs my father approval for everything and my father is always busy so it take weeks for things to happen and also my father doesnt say much about anything.

so i just dont see anything hapeening or everythings just too slow even if they dont like the proposal they should goahead and do something reject it or whatever but atleast show some concen!

I understand how ur feeling......may be talking to ur elder sister might help u. N have faith,when they got ur elder sis married that means they r responsible parents.They will get u too married when the rite time n propasal comes.Dont loose hope :)

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Hold your horses girl.. Believe me once you get married, you will miss your bachelorette life!

Their are girls who are having nervous breakdowns from their husbands cheating on them, having mutahs, and mistreating them...

I say enjoy every drop of your live under the care of your parents, cause thing will go out of handle once your with another man...

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^ I agree

I wonder why many women feel like they need to get married otherwise they'll be unhappy and old! I admit some marriage could work and it'll indeed make you happier but MANY marriages turned out to be a nightmare!! So take your time, don't you have activities to do like school/work? and how old are you If you don't mind?

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Sister.... if u feel that u r being neglected by ur parents/sister.... Islam gives u every right to take matters into ur own hands.... if u like someone already... talk to ur mum n dad abt it... and if they dont seem to get on board with ur decision... get an aalim involved... and if things still dont move... seek ijazah from ur aalim and move on with ur decision...

Some parents are either over protective of their kids or they are too irresponsible when the decision making time comes.

Im in no way suggestiong that u go against their will; try to get them on board.. talk to them.... no matter how busy they are!!!!

and if u feel they care less abt ur problems... then do wat u gotta do!!!!

WS

Edited by dan_rafi

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Hmm

Maybe they are concerned for you but don't want to rush into things unless they are confident that it is a good match for you? Honestly, it's better to marry the right person late than the wrong person early and regret it later on. Just be patient and pray to Allah to give you whatever is best for you. Inshallah everything will work out for you :)

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I have seen many sisters who feel such a thing about their parents. I really don't know why?

Of what I have seen,

Good matches are not available.

Parents are scared to take decisions for their children.

Choice of parent differs from choice of child.

Generally, Parents don't intentionally ignore such issues, but if you feel your parents are doing such a thing, be bold and communicate with them. They will never do you any harm, I am sure, inshallah it will help. You might also get a response from them and a justifiable reason for the delay.

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Hold your horses girl.. Believe me once you get married, you will miss your bachelorette life!

Their are girls who are having nervous breakdowns from their husbands cheating on them, having mutahs, and mistreating them...

I say enjoy every drop of your live under the care of your parents, cause thing will go out of handle once your with another man...

Don't put things into the girl's mind. Not every marriage is like that, maybe some experiences for you or you know are like that, but don't put into her heart things that might have happened to you or someone you know. I can't even count how many people I know that have fruitful and spectacular marriages and love and care for each other so much.

Marriage is a mercy and blessing of Allah, so don't instill negative stories into her head.

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salam............. Zrubab......... i understand exactly how u feel like..............i underwent the same situation....my elders thought my marriage was the least important thing ........whereas all my friends and classfellows were getting engaged or married............and i wanted to be to......i didnt know what to do. it sounded so awkard asking my mother to get me married....... at one point i even did....... asked her straight away........which she totally ignored...... it was a very frustating time.....i wish parents would follow what islam has said about getting the girls married off soon.

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on't put things into the girl's mind. Not every marriage is like that, maybe some experiences for you or you know are like that, but don't put into her heart things that might have happened to you or someone you know. I can't even count how many people I know that have fruitful and spectacular marriages and love and care for each other so much.

Marriage is a mercy and blessing of Allah, so don't instill negative stories into her head.

Whatever! Do u want to tell her its all happily everafter? Be realistic marriage is like entering a college, you have to be careful on what you choose cuz its aint that easy to change or go back! As much as marriage is a mercy and a blessing of Allah so as our parents, who is considered as a bigger blessing than a husband.

Edited by Teabiz

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Whatever! Do u want to tell her its all happily everafter? Be realistic marriage is like entering a college, you have to be careful on what you choose cuz its aint that easy to change or go back!

Err, exactly. Be careful on what you choose. Choose a pious and caring mu'min, everything will be fine, Allah takes care of his mu'mineen and mu'minat. If you choose the opposite, well that's her/his fault.

As much as marriage is a mercy and a blessing of Allah so as our parents, who is considered as a bigger blessing than a husband.

Irrelevant to what I posted.

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please advice me i know its not good to feel this way i want to change my mind i dont want to think that they dont care ofcourse they do but why cant they show it to me that they do care why cant???

........Well why dont you discuss this with your parents..........!!! May be they will change their approach to the problem...You need to open up to your parents...this might help... .....

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Zrubab or Zahra Rubab :Hijabi: from your name it sounds like you are female :unsure: If this is so, please try to attend as many programs as you can in your local Shia centers and make friends. Some times friends brothers are ones who end up marrying their sisters friends :P Insha Allah you will get married and good luck to you!

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I understand how ur feeling......may be talking to ur elder sister might help u. N have faith,when they got ur elder sis married that means they r responsible parents.They will get u too married when the rite time n propasal comes.Dont loose hope :)

Thanks Sister pray for me that May Allah swt give me strength and patience and i never loose hope! as i really feel tired these days.

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Hold your horses girl.. Believe me once you get married, you will miss your bachelorette life!

Their are girls who are having nervous breakdowns from their husbands cheating on them, having mutahs, and mistreating them...

I say enjoy every drop of your live under the care of your parents, cause thing will go out of handle once your with another man...

you actually scared me for a whilee but sister life has to move on there was a time when i was a kid and was free from all the tensions of this world i loved being in the school but i doesnt mean that i m gonna stay in school in school forever i must move forward! so what ever future olds you you cant stop dreaming about your future life.

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^ I agree

I wonder why many women feel like they need to get married otherwise they'll be unhappy and old! I admit some marriage could work and it'll indeed make you happier but MANY marriages turned out to be a nightmare!! So take your time, don't you have activities to do like school/work? and how old are you If you don't mind?

becuase they need to get married thats the only answer! i can think of at the moment and becuase they will be old and unhappy!

if u know many people who are married and their marriage is like a nightmare i know many who are unmarried and going through depresseion every day!

you cant deny the fact that marriage is important V IMPORTANT it doesnt mean that you knowingly marry the wrong person or you dont put an effort to find the right prson for you...........

Sister.... if u feel that u r being neglected by ur parents/sister.... Islam gives u every right to take matters into ur own hands.... if u like someone already... talk to ur mum n dad abt it... and if they dont seem to get on board with ur decision... get an aalim involved... and if things still dont move... seek ijazah from ur aalim and move on with ur decision...

Some parents are either over protective of their kids or they are too irresponsible when the decision making time comes.

Im in no way suggestiong that u go against their will; try to get them on board.. talk to them.... no matter how busy they are!!!!

and if u feel they care less abt ur problems... then do wat u gotta do!!!!

WS

i dont like someone and i dont want to do anything by myself i want my parents to choose the right guy for me!

and i cant be that bold to go and talk to any alim. they are my parents and i respect them a lot even if they dont show any concern i wuold stay quit rather than going to an alim or making my own decisions.

Hmm

Maybe they are concerned for you but don't want to rush into things unless they are confident that it is a good match for you? Honestly, it's better to marry the right person late than the wrong person early and regret it later on. Just be patient and pray to Allah to give you whatever is best for you. Inshallah everything will work out for you :)

may be you are right dear i dunoo i m so depressed these days my mom even came up to me today to ask that whats wrong with me but i stayed quiet she is my mother why cant she understand what i want i

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I have seen many sisters who feel such a thing about their parents. I really don't know why?

Of what I have seen,

Good matches are not available.

Parents are scared to take decisions for their children.

Choice of parent differs from choice of child.

Generally, Parents don't intentionally ignore such issues, but if you feel your parents are doing such a thing, be bold and communicate with them. They will never do you any harm, I am sure, inshallah it will help. You might also get a response from them and a justifiable reason for the delay.

you are right no parents can intentionally ignore such issues but you know what i think that they are not doing it intentionally but they are also not thinking about it in a way i think they should. you know its like when a friend of yours comes to you talk to you and thn the other week your friend is so lost he's not listening to you anymore the connection between you and your friend is lost thats how i feel sometimes i just feel i need their attention that they are thinking about me that they care about me! i know they cant talk my marriage 24/7 but stilll there's something missing that makes me go crazy!!!

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Have you tried pointing out a legitimate possibility? A guy who meets all decent standards and who you genuinely think would make a good life partner for you?

If you can't think of such a person, your parents probably aren't at fault... If your parents have rejected a specific person you think would've been ideal, there may be a problem. If not, I'm sure they're not unwilling to get you married... maybe they're just waiting for a suitable offer. Even if they were pushing you out the door toward marriage, you can't marry Nothing- you have to wait til Something comes knocking. :)

In any case, your parents can't help you if they aren't aware there's a problem, which means you have to verbalize even if it's uncomfortable... do try to have a serious conversation or two with your folks (or at least your mom) about how badly you want to get married; make sure you're all on the same page about this issue and stop letting it eat away at you alone. I'm sure insh'Allah they'd understand.

If all else fails, there's always shiamatch?

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salaam alaikum,

You said you've approached your mother a number of times and she hasn't done much about it...Approach her once more and have a really serious convo w/ her telling her everything you're feeling. if nothing happens again, why don't you go straight up to your father and majorly hint at it, since there doesn't seem to be any other option that you wanna take (alim, choosing a guy urself, etc).

best of luck to you and just pray pray pray :)

Wsalaams..

~Bismi

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Assalamu alaykum.

I wish I could have as passive attitude, to wait at home that someone else would arrange and fix all my marriage problems...!

As a western Muslim revert sister I sometimes feel that many born Muslim sisters expect everything come ready for them. And often it does. First the parents take care of them, then the husband... What if you would be on your own? Many Muslim sisters seem so passive and un-independent that I wonder how they would manage if they had to do something by themselves one day. I don't know is that 'coming to the ready table' the reason why many born Muslim sisters don't realise that finding a husband, getting married and making it last is not that easy. For many sisters it's an impossible idea to even think that the first marriage may not be the last one! Getting married is difficult but I think it's even more difficult to make the marriage last and be happy. Or maybe a bad marriage can last too if you don't ask for too much.

Being single really sucks. The one who claims that it's ok to be alone probably wasn't married before, was in a bad marriage or is lying. Muslim society doesn't really support being single. The first question people always ask from sisters is that "are/were you married".

Why should you wait for your parents to do everything ready for you? I know that un-experienced girls need their parents' permission for marriage but there's still a lot that you could do by yourself. Eg. why don't you contact the sheikh of your mosque and talk about your problem? Ask sheikh to talk to your parents about your wishes, the importance of marriage.

Personally I recommend everyone to have their own share of suffering before asking for the happiness. Maybe the loneliness before marriage will make you appreciate your marriage more...

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well ya i did tAlk to my mother rcntly actually i wrote down somthing in my dairy about my feelings and she read it so she talked with me she was like you think we are not wrried about your marriage but thats not the case i talkd to you father about it and he was like i dont talk about it alot but that doesnt mean i am not trying and my mother pushed my father so much that no you dont care abt this issue that he started crying :( thn she told me that one of the available proposal wer really bad ppl and after reading wht i wrote in my dairy that no on cares abt me she cried the whol dayyy so i was really ashmed of myself she said that we want to find the best for you once your married we won't b able to do anything for you even if it takes some times you will get the good guy that we will make sure of thn i told her that i feel oldd and stufff she was like den your ll find a mature guy i told hr i like young coupls :) anywaysss so wht do you ppl say i m gonna rely on my parents! thats for sure!

Salaams Sis,

I wont say anything to u since u have already got many advices. Just wud like to give u my best wishes and duas since i can find traces of myself in you. :)

thank you sister and i pray the same for you!!

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