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In the Name of God بسم الله

Y Marry In The Family

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  • Advanced Member

hi, i dont no if any one (male or female,) if any one is in the same boat as me, but y do we hav to marry our family relirives, i dont get it??? i understand that we have to marry some who is shia/syed but y do our parents show us our auntis son, or our uncle's daughter and y do they think its a good idea. i dont see anythink wrong with finding someone who is eg a shia, some one out the family.

am i the only one in this situ???

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Unfortunately thats how it is in Indo-Pak culture. Nothing wrong with it if the child agrees to who she has been presented with.

In Islam you can marry out of your family (Prophet Muhammed and Khadija) or you can marry in family (Imam Ali and Bibi Fatema), neither marriage is incorrect nor better then the other one.

What is important is the approval of the decision by the individual who is getting married, not the approval of just her parents.

Edited by Sadiq M...
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Salam sister!

Islam doesn't say dat if u r a syed u can only marry into syeds and so on. Neither does it recommend that you have to marry someone from within the family.

These are all cultural attributes which is fine. As long as cultural values don't contradict with islamic principles, there is no haram being done.

What is left is a matter of personal choice, which is affected by your surroundings, your family values/traditions/culture you belong to.

According to islam you marry a person who believes in Allah, follows the religion, and who has great akhlaq.

Also, Allah wants to make our life easier and the other way around. By restricting your options to to syeds/inter-family/inter-race/converts/same country/language........................ you are making it harder on yourself to find the right match.

So, if you dont feel like marrying with in the family, don't do it..... your personal choice. if you do it, there is no extra thawab from Allah, unless that person is very religious.

Go with wat u feel like, don't feel pressurized, and follow wat Quran and Ahlul Bayt (A.S.) has thought us.

~ws

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Unfortunately thats how it is in Indo-Pak culture. Nothing wrong with it if the child agrees to who she has been presented with.

In Islam you can marry out of your family (Prophet Muhammed and Khadija) or you can marry in family (Imam Ali and Bibi Fatema), neither marriage is incorrect nor better then the other one.

What is important is the approval of the decision by the individual who is getting married, not the approval of just her parents.

Salam bro!

Why do u say it is unfortunate? Those have extended families are fortunate to find the right match within the family. People with small family and limited network find it real hard to find their spouses.

Also, it is not just Indo-Pak culture that encourages marrying within the family. Asian culture, Arab culture, African culture, even some Europeans (Eastern Europe) would prefer to marry within the family. Nothing wrong with dat!

Parents would like their daughter to marry a guy from the family because they think they know enough about the guy, and if things go wrong, they might have some degree of influence on the guy/guy's family. leverage is actually a better word.

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Why do u say it is unfortunate?

Alaykum Salaam.

There may be elements of family marriages in other cultures such as the Arabs, like you say, but no one in their right mind can deny that the communities which put the strongest emphasis on such practices are the Indo-Paks.

I call it 'unfortunate' because, for many young girls, these marriages end up being forced upon them, and her consent to such marriages is at times neglected by her own family. In these types of marriages, the parents expect their daughter to be happy with the person they present in front of her because "the parents know best".

I have no problems with such marriages when the consent of the girl is given.

Edited by Sadiq M...
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sister you need to know that you have the Islamic RIGHT to reject a marriage. Do NOT get forced into it and do what you think is right. Dont get influenced or talked into doing something you dont want to. This is your RIGHT! oh and also dont get forced into marriage itself. Its not wajib and do it when you think it is right. But its better to get married.

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There isn't a rule that states people have to marry their cousins, my days.. this reminds me of the "Inbred Muslims" Stereotype people hold of Muslims because of how misunderstood cousin marriages are.

I prefer to marry a non relative, the idea of joining two families is a pleasant one. The health risks associated with first cousin marriages are also a factor to consider, and to be honest.... I wouldn't marry my cousin if you put a gun to my head.

Edited by Vision
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its not like im gettin forced its just the whole "emotianal black mail", i was told syed's were ONLY meant to marry syeds. i read in the Koran muslims should marry muslims even if they converted to spread the word of islam, (which soundsbetter) i never thought i had a problem with marry in the family but i do.

ive told my parents i refuse and they say i wont find anyone who would be good for me, but how can i find anyone if im not allowd to go out- i mean how am i meant to find a muslim guy if i shouldnt comunicate with males.

i duno, i just dont wanna be in a realionship thats about the man working and the women in the kitchen 24/7. thers sooo much i wanna do in life with my partner and children,( INshallah one day.) but i just dont no how to find this man that i have to spend my whole life with. you might think i osund like im desprete to get maried, thats not the point, im only sayin thiscoz inlife ive learnt that times short. we need to make the most of it.

thanx for the feed back.x

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(bismillah)

hi, i dont no if any one (male or female,) if any one is in the same boat as me, but y do we hav to marry our family relirives, i dont get it??? i understand that we have to marry some who is shia/syed but y do our parents show us our auntis son, or our uncle's daughter and y do they think its a good idea. i dont see anythink wrong with finding someone who is eg a shia, some one out the family.

am i the only one in this situ???

its not like im gettin forced its just the whole "emotianal black mail", i was told syed's were ONLY meant to marry syeds. i read in the Koran muslims should marry muslims even if they converted to spread the word of islam, (which soundsbetter) i never thought i had a problem with marry in the family but i do.

ive told my parents i refuse and they say i wont find anyone who would be good for me, but how can i find anyone if im not allowd to go out- i mean how am i meant to find a muslim guy if i shouldnt comunicate with males.

i duno, i just dont wanna be in a realionship thats about the man working and the women in the kitchen 24/7. thers sooo much i wanna do in life with my partner and children,( INshallah one day.) but i just dont no how to find this man that i have to spend my whole life with. you might think i osund like im desprete to get maried, thats not the point, im only sayin thiscoz inlife ive learnt that times short. we need to make the most of it.

thanx for the feed back.x

(salam)

dear sister, the myth about "sayyids must marry sayyids" is just created from hinduism and it has penetrated into the minds of people, it is completely false, there was an earlier thread about whether the sayyids really must marry only sayyids and seemingly 99% of our 'ulema are against the myth that syed should marry syed!

to marry ones cousin is not forbidden, however, it is not recommended, it is actually recommended to marry a stranger:

The Prophet (S) said:”Marry a stranger (non-close-relative) to prevent from getting sick and weak children.” (Lesan al-Arab Zawa, s. 558)

of course Imam 'Ali (as) married his cousines daughter, but it was still his cousins daughter, not his cousin, but his cousins daughter!

kheir insha'Allah!

If you want to find a possible Muslim male for a future marriage I suggest the traditional way which is the way of Prophet Muhammeds (saww) daughter (sa'h), that is to let your parents find a good family who are friends and not cousins, or to get your shi'i sisters to check around about their own biological brothers or cousins, there are many different ways.

In worst case scenario you can always do your own "researching" on this internet but please leave that to worst case scenario!

may Allah bless you always

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Salaam,

I have read somewhere. I think in Fiqeh. Rasulullah SAW said, The first option of marraige ( The best Spouse ) is brother's son or daughter and then sister's child.

The question is why marry in the family. The main reason is that a family thinks alike, their upbringing is alike, their values are the same, because, their parents are the same. They have grown up in the same house, and so forth. Most important is that, it is the same blood.

It is not compulsory to marry a kin. It is prefered to do so, no obligation.

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Marrying outside the family or within the family is very often a dictate of circumstances and very often not a matter of choice.

What if there are no suitable boys or gorls within the family who suitable for marriage to one's son's daughter or son.

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  • Advanced Member

The problem with marrying your cousin is that... when the marriage doesn't work or if the husband turns out to be a jerk and abusive.. it'd be difficult to end the marriage because of the family pressure..

you wouldn't want to hurt your aunt/uncle who are also your inlaws...

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^

Yeah, but then the other aspect is that if he is a jerk, there are more people to sort out the matter and put pressure on the guy.

For me, it can work either ways, as long as the boy and his family are good, he can be a cousin or a stranger.

For the OP-

Maybe your parents believe that 'The Known Devil Is Better Than The Unknown Devil' :lol:

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Both situations have their pros and cons. Theworst thing against inbreeding is that regressive genes become dominant in a couple of generations. THis is particularly problematic when there is history genetically transmitted disorders in the family; for instance haemophilia.

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Biologically not a good idea. Even otherwise i hate marrying in family. Outside the families we have the time to settle our ideas as personalities open with time but in relatives we know each other well and it is really difficult to settle differences immediately.

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