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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Amra

Apne Peghaam Ashaar Ki Soorat Rawana Kijiye...

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maana ke loot ke na tum aao ge phir kabhi

jaana hi hai to jao,barre shauq se jao

yeh jaante ho tum ke hain mareeze Angina Pectoris

phir bhi isse keh leen ge," dil e nadaan sanmbhal sanmbhal"

:lol:

Edited by syed_demanding

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Here ya go sis khakay Batool.isko parhne ke baad aapka dil apna sir dewaar ke saath maarne ka karega.is forum per barre ba-zauq afraad ka aana jaana hai yeh aapne humein kis kaam pe lagaa diya.

maana ke loot ke na tum aao ge phir kabhi

jaana hi hai to jao,barre shauq se jao

yeh jaante ho tum ke hain mareeze Angina Pectoris

phir bhi isse keh leen ge," dil e nadaan sanmbhal sanmbhal"

salam,

naai Saba dewaar tak janay ka housla nahi tha!!! :D

hum ney kis kaam per laga diya !! aAp tu pehlay hi galay galay hai n es kaam mien.

dil ka function rat-tey rat-tey shairee, 'chey khoob ast'

khud ko sabhaal, "neem hakeema" sanbhal sanbhal!!!

acha, ab agar hum dono jald hi nahi sanbhlay tu kam az kam hamari ye ghazal tu gaai gaai..

aur aAp exam mien chand ashaar likh ker aa gaien tu phir!!

apna khayal rekhiye ga

ws

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ab jab sab hi ulta ho raha hai, tu ye bhi sahi.

lagta hai kay aik din aap achchi khasi shairee ker lain geen, inshAllah.

lakin ho ga wohi, aik sher mien dil ko roya jaai ga tu dosrey mien aAp phephedha nikanay ka mashwara dien gee.

aur agar kaheen dard-e-jiggar badh gaya tu Pitta naikal dien gee. :)

ws

Arre arree bas kareen ji. Bohut shukria,bohut nawazish humaari bhoondi shairi ki tareef ki aur ab aur hoosla mat deejiye kahin Pakistani loog ko sharm na aaye ke yeh cheez Pakistani kyun hai.oh,aur pehle kyun nai bataaya ke Farsi ka bhi shauq hai arre yeh to humaari zubaan hai.Shoma bisyaar shareer.Intikhaabe shaguft angeezi az sheyr ast.Khuwahir man shoma mehboob.Shayad shoma zindagi,zindagi marfah.

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Arre arree bas kareen ji. Bohut shukria,bohut nawazish humaari bhoondi shairi ki tareef ki aur ab aur hoosla mat deejiye kahin Pakistani loog ko sharm na aaye ke yeh cheez Pakistani kyun hai.oh,aur pehle kyun nai bataaya ke Farsi ka bhi shauq hai arre yeh to humaari zubaan hai.Shoma bisyaar shareer.Intikhaabe shaguft angeezi az sheyr ast.Khuwahir man shoma mehboob.Shayad shoma zindagi,zindagi marfah.

salam,

hamain maloom hai kay Farsi aap ki zabaan hai, jab hi tu nahi bataya. hansi thori udhwani thee!!

bas shouq hi hai, aAta jata kuch nahi..

Tashakkuran khuharam

shoma bisyaar meherbaan ast.

ye aAp ki nazar,

ÑÇÓÊی ÇیŸ ˜À Ïã ãÀÑæ æÝÇÿ Êæ ÈÀ Ïá

ÈÇÀã ÂãیÎÊÀ ãÇääÏ ÑæÇŸ ÈÀ ÈÏä ÇÓÊ

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salam,

hamain maloom hai kay Farsi aap ki zabaan hai, jab hi tu nahi bataya. hansi thori udhwani thee!!

bas shouq hi hai, aAta jata kuch nahi..

Tashakkuran khuharam

shoma bisyaar meherbaan ast.

ye aAp ki nazar,

ÑÇÓÊی ÇیŸ ˜À Ïã ãÀÑæ æÝÇÿ Êæ ÈÀ Ïá

ÈÇÀã ÂãیÎÊÀ ãÇääÏ ÑæÇŸ ÈÀ ÈÏä ÇÓÊ

che khoob ast.Hum to pehle hi keh chukke hain ke intikhaabe shaguft angeezi az sheyr ast to baqi kya kahoon ke man ehteraam ziyaadi dareed.Khuwahir man shoma zeba.Baayad humeesha baraaee man.

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Tumko naraz he rehna hai to kuch baat karo

Ke chup rehnay say mohabbat ka gumaan hota hai

yar i like this shayr but its " bohat bari ghalat fehmi"

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Tumko naraz he rehna hai to kuch baat karo

Ke chup rehnay say mohabbat ka gumaan hota hai

Salam brother,

Sher mein khayaal to bahot achcha hai, magar doosre misre mein kuchch isafee alfaaz nazar aa rahe hain.

Asl misra rawana keejiye janab...kahin koee gadbad hai naql karne mein.

Agar aap ka apna sher hai to bhee revision chahta hai...

"Ke chup rehnay say mohabbat ka gumaan hota hai " mein pahle do lafz fit nahin ho rahe hain

Jaise :

Tumko naraz he rehna hai to kuch baat karo

"Khamshee se to muhobaat ka gumaan hota hai"

Wassalam

l

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یÀ Ý˜Ñ ÚÈË Àÿ ˜À æ ÝÇ Àæ Êی Àÿ

Ç ÍÓÇ ä ˜ی ÊãËیá ÌÝÇÀæÊی Àÿ

ÀÇ ÊªæŸ ãیŸ ʪãÇ Êی Àÿ ÚÕÇ ٔÿ یÑ ی

ÊÞÏ یÑ ÌæÇ äی ãیŸ ÎÝÇ Àæ Êی Àÿ

ÚÈیÏ Ç ááÀ ÓÇ Ñ

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Salam brother,

Sher mein khayaal to bahot achcha hai, magar doosre misre mein kuchch isafee alfaaz nazar aa rahe hain.

Asl misra rawana keejiye janab...kahin koee gadbad hai naql karne mein.

Agar aap ka apna sher hai to bhee revision chahta hai...

"Ke chup rehnay say mohabbat ka gumaan hota hai " mein pahle do lafz fit nahin ho rahe hain

Jaise :

Tumko naraz he rehna hai to kuch baat karo

"Khamshee se to muhobaat ka gumaan hota hai"

Wassalam

l

.

.

.

Tumko naraz he rehna hai to koi baat karo

Ke chup rehnay say mohabbat ka gumaan hota hai

.

.

Ab Kuch Fitt Hua !

.

Wasalam

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.

.

.

Tumko naraz he rehna hai to koi baat karo

Ke chup rehnay say mohabbat ka gumaan hota hai

.

.

Ab Kuch Fitt Hua !

.

Wasalam

Salam brother,

The first Misra is perfectly alright:

"Tumko naraz he rehna hai to kuch baat karo"

There was no need to make any changes in that.

However the problem is in the second line.....that you may modify....as I have done for example,

"Khamshee se to muhobaat ka gumaan hota hai"

..............you can think of a still better correction

This is just a friendly suggestion, I hope you will not take it otherwise.

But keep it up is my final suggestion......you must not stop writing.

Wassalam

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æÀ Ï áæ Ÿ ãیŸ  áÇ ٔÿ Ç¡ ãیŸ Ï áæŸ ˜ی  ÈÌªÇ æٔŸ Ç

ÇÓÿ Çäÿ ˜Çã Óÿ ˜Çã Àÿ¡ ã̪ÿ Çäÿ ˜Ç ã Óÿ ˜Ç ã Àÿ

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æÀ Ï áæ Ÿ ãیŸ  áÇ ٔÿ Ç¡ ãیŸ Ï áæŸ ˜ی  ÈÌªÇ æٔŸ Ç

ÇÓÿ Çäÿ ˜Çã Óÿ ˜Çã Àÿ¡ ã̪ÿ Çäÿ ˜Ç ã Óÿ ˜Ç ã Àÿ

q kia aap fire brigade may hain ? 

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Çä ˜ÿ ÞÊá ˜Ç Èªی ÇáÒÇã ÀãÇÑÿ ÓÑ Àÿ

Ìæ ÀãیŸ ÒÀÑ áÇÊÿ Àæۓ ãÑ ÌÇÊÿ ÀیŸ

یÀ ãÍÈÊ ˜ی ˜ÀÇäی ãÑÊی äÀیŸ á˜یä

áæ ˜ÑÏÇÑ äȪÇÊÿ Àæۓ ãÑ ÌÇÊÿ ÀیŸ

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äÀ ÔæÑÔö Ûãö ÏæÑÇŸ äÀ ÎæÏÓÑی Çäی

ÈÀÊ ÏäæŸ Óÿ ªÿ ã Óã ÓÎäæÑی Çäی

ÓÑÏö ÂÆیäÀ ˜ÑÊÇ äÀ 滂 æÀ Ú˜Ó ÇäÇ

ÇÓÿ ÚÒیÒ Êªی ˜Ó ÏÑÌÀ ÏáÈÑی Çäی

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^^kuch bhi ho laikin hum ko nahi dekhaaiyie ga......aik aAnkh reh gaaiyie hai wo bhi jaati rehey gee! :)

(salam)

Boht He Achy Baat Ha Ya To,Ap Sab Ko 1 He Aankh Sa Dekhty Han :)

.

agla sher yaqeenan ye hoga hum hi likhey deten hain.

mien kapray badal ker jaaoon kaha-n

aur baal snwaroon kis key liyie!

Nahy Agla Shai'r Kuch Yun Ho Ga,

Naye Kapray Badal Kar Jaon Kahan

Aur Baal Sanwaron Kis Ka Liya :)

.

.

(wasalam)

Edited by syed_demanding

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salam Ali,

es sher ka pehla micra kuch tout raha hai. pls zara dekh lain phir sey. hum ko kuch youn yaad hai,

ÝÓÇäÀ ˜À ÑÀÿ ÀیŸ ÂÌ æÀ Çäی ãÍÈÊ ˜Ç

ÎÏÇ ÇیÓÇ ˜Ñÿ ãیÑÇ ˜ÀیŸ Ñ äÇã  ÌÇÆÿ

Sahy Kaha Ustad Qamar Jalalwi Ka Ya Shay'r Asa He Ha,

ÝÓÇäÀ ˜ÀÀ ÑÀÿ ÀیŸ ÂÌ æÀ Çäی ãÍÈÊ ˜Ç

ÎÏÇ ÇیÓÇ ˜Ñÿ ãیÑÇ ˜ÀیŸ Ñ äÇã  ÌÇÆÿ

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