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In the Name of God بسم الله

Marriage With Someone Of A Different Race

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lol how many african americans and lebanese girls have married?

how many pakhtoons and lebanese girls have married? all such romance stories FAIL..

how many bangali men have married girls of other race? NONE :!!!:

salaam

the bengoli guy on the other street married a caucasion and they are still together and have kids.

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racism is a very very bad thing and the word of Allah, the quran, speaks against it over and over again...

brother bilal08's problem is more to do with wanting to marry a lebanese girl...Lebanese are deeply traditional and often even feudal between one another...sometimes they won't even give their children to one another for their own reasons....

If bilal08 wants to marry the lebanese girl he has to do alot of learning about lebanese and try and get as close as possible to her family, and get accepted by them...

Lebanese tradition is very rich, just like lebanese food...Lebanese food is rich because its from both worlds, middle-east/asia and europe... If bilal08 manages to get accepted by the family then he will be a very rich, happy and lucky man....

so bilal08 I think you have to plan a couple of extended holidays to lebanon... now is a good time, the lebanese are celebrating alot recently, today freeing of their Lebanese prisoners by Hisbollah, formation of a unity government last week, rebuilding of their cities after the 2006 war...

and just to support the african ladies here in the forum, Kenyan food ist beautifull.... Mmmmm, yummy....My good friends invited me last ramazon for iftar....I can still taste it..

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How is that you call me cynical and live in Jamaica, Queens at the same time? Lol, now that perplexes me. Simply put, I have seen enough of human beings ('religious', 'secular' and what have you) to know their tendencies, which almost always come to fruition to some degree. We cannot live life by the exceptions. We must live it by the rule, without forgetting the exception, which is called hope and faith. Lack of a practical approach is what destroys us all. If this is satanic thought, by all means call me satan. I'm just speaking truth.

EH! What's wrong with Jamaica Queens!?

I see what you're saying though, but it wouldn't hurt to be a wee bit more positive.

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Salam,

Many people from middle east (Iranians and arabics) are racist. I suggest you elope with her (but only if she wants it). I would go against my family if they are unislamic and racist!!

Not only them. The berber people from Northafrica are very racist also.Against arabs.If I move to Algeria I cannot say that my daghter is half arab. :(

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Not only them. The berber people from Northafrica are very racist also.Against arabs.If I move to Algeria I cannot say that my daghter is half arab. :(

Yes I'm aware of that. But I thought Berber = Moroccans = Arabs cus many of them speak Arabic as official language no?

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Salaam allaikum,

Dear brother i would definately try for it. There isn't anything to lose from trying. Go and formally see what happens.

On the other hand if there is any strong racism i would not push it.

Ultimately every family is different so we can't make blanket statements; this family may be open minded.

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Salam

232. Marriage » Conditions of pronouncing Nikah

2385. If a girl has reached the age of bulugh and is virgin and mature (i.e. she can decide what is in her own interest) wishes to marry, she should, obtain

permission from her father or paternal grandfather, although she may be looking after her own affairs. It is not, however, necessary for her to obtain permission from her mother or brother.

2386. In the following situations, it will not be necessary for a woman to seek the permission of her father or paternal grandfather, before getting married:

If she is not a virgin.

If she is a virgin, but her father or paternal grandfather refuse to grant permission to her for marrying a man who is compatible to her in the eyes of Shariah, as well as custom.

If the father and the grandfather are not in any way willing to participate in the marriage.

If they are not in a capacity to give their consent, like in the case of mental illness etc.

If it is not possible to obtain their permission because of their absence, or such other reasons, and the woman is eager to get married urgently.

http://sistani.org/local.php?modules=nav&a...59&pid=3080

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Bismilllah

Salaam Alaikum

I am 100% Lebanese (born and raised, as they say) and I am married to an African-American Shia male. I know a 100% Indian woman married to a black Bahamanian (from Bahamas) brother. They've been married for more than 17 years and have three beautiful children. My husband and I have been married for about 4 years and have two beautiful boys. We encountered no barriers with my parents and my father (may he rest in peace) loved my husband like a son, if not more, alhamdullilah. If anything, our families ensure that we are happy, instead of trying to break us apart.

if the family is religious, insha'Allah you shouldn't have too much of a problem...

Maybe you should write to Nasrallah's office and get his 'opinion' on it so that u can have something to show them if there is a refusal/objection at first (that is if they are nasrallah lovers)..or write to the office of her father's marja...I"m sure the offices will all bless ur marriage...

I just wanted to write and set all those people straight who say that it's never been done and can't be done..when you make islam ur goal and do things fisabillallah, anything u attempt will be successful...

Salaam,

Majeda

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Bismilllah

Salaam Alaikum

I am 100% Lebanese (born and raised, as they say) and I am married to an African-American Shia male. I know a 100% Indian woman married to a black Bahamanian (from Bahamas) brother. They've been married for more than 17 years and have three beautiful children. My husband and I have been married for about 4 years and have two beautiful boys. We encountered no barriers with my parents and my father (may he rest in peace) loved my husband like a son, if not more, alhamdullilah. If anything, our families ensure that we are happy, instead of trying to break us apart.

if the family is religious, insha'Allah you shouldn't have too much of a problem...

Maybe you should write to Nasrallah's office and get his 'opinion' on it so that u can have something to show them if there is a refusal/objection at first (that is if they are nasrallah lovers)..or write to the office of her father's marja...I"m sure the offices will all bless ur marriage...

I just wanted to write and set all those people straight who say that it's never been done and can't be done..when you make islam ur goal and do things fisabillallah, anything u attempt will be successful...

Salaam,

Majeda

It worked for you because your family didn't hold race based prejudice, or if they did it wasn't strong enough to prevent your marriage. Alhamdullilah. But trying to force a family that doesn't want to be forced could have consequences that last for generations and it's really irresponsible to encourage people to do these kinds of things, especially if you don't know them personally. This brother has given no indication that the young lady feels strongly enough about this marriage or making some sort of anti-racist statement to give up her family.

Sometimes the family NEVER comes around and those children grow up without Muslim family. You need family. There is nothing wrong with marrying within your race or cultural group. And so long as they haven't made any promises to one another or gotten too involved there is nothing wrong with them cutting their losses and moving on. You don't destroy a family just to prove a point. Or, if you do, you'd better make damned sure you're prepared to live with all the consequences. Few people are.

Edited by AnotherUmmAli
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It is not always the way things work out - sometimes you marry for love and it is outside the family established limits of an acceptable partner, but it is best to marry within your racial group and/or cultural group. You and your spouse may be on the same page emotionally and intellectually, with solid prospects for future happiness and fufillment together - but this will be overshadowed by the lack of supportive extended family ties. My parents come from two very different racial and cultural backgrounds - one family is very accepting (after a couple of years apparently - I've never know them to be anything other than warm and loving to me) and the other very distant and disapproving. They have only recently reached out to me and still have not "greeted" my mother - despite my father's continual efforts in this direction (he is not a quitter :P ). My father has been hurt the most by this, and indirectly, my mother. I dont think I was - but I dont know any different than from the way I grew up.

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You know that's really cute, but it's a fairytale. It worked for you because your family didn't hold race based prejudice, or if they did it wasn't strong enough to prevent your marriage. Alhamdullilah. But trying to force a family that doesn't want to be forced could have consequences that last for generations and it's really irresponsible to encourage people to do these kinds of things, especially if you don't know them personally. This brother has given no indication that the young lady feels strongly enough about this marriage or making some sort of anti-racist statement to give up her family.

I'm a Black woman married to a Lebanese man. We've been married for ten years and have three children. My mother in law has never seen me or my children and will probably refuse until she leaves this world. She has no objection to me personally and has said as much, I had a pretty much stellar reputation even in their community before I married my husband. She made it 100% clear that the issue was the color of my skin and that's it. Funny that, he's not the first son to pass on the family name to half-black children, those kids haven't been treated much better than mine either. It's really sweet to talk about love overcoming things and Islam coming first, but this man is a convert he probably has no Muslim family. Sometimes the family NEVER comes around and those children grow up without Muslim family. I am blessed in that I do have Muslim family and we have other family that love and adore my children, but I won't fool myself into thinking that they are not deprived. They are. They are healthy, with strong Muslim identity and we do our best to compensate. Alhamdullilah, I'm not complaining, but we do need to be realistic. You need family. There is nothing wrong with marrying within your race or cultural group. And so long as they haven't made any promises to one another or gotten too involved there is nothing wrong with them cutting their losses and moving on. You don't destroy a family just to prove a point. Or, if you do, you'd better make damned sure you're prepared to live with all the consequences. Few people are.

@AnotherUmmAli

Finaly some real sence and real world experience instead of some head in the clouds answer...

Bilal should spend his time trying ti get into the life of the womens family an get accepted by them. If he can manage that , great. He and his spouse will have a very happy life... If not then I think reason and thought has to come before emotions and "love"...

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@AnotherUmmAli

Finaly some real sence and real world experience instead of some head in the clouds answer...

Bilal should spend his time trying ti get into the life of the womens family an get accepted by them. If he can manage that , great. He and his spouse will have a very happy life... If not then I think reason and thought has to come before emotions and "love"...

I understand your points and I am very aware of reality. I wish I had known about this underlying racism in islam before. Family is the conerstone of life but how do you allow your love one to commit a sin and just follow along with it. I would hope my family would stop me if I was down a wrong path such as drinking, drug use, or even hating other people based off of my ignorance despite the cost. I would. But I do understand your points and they are well taken. I am starting a group to help converts in Islam because unfortunately a lot of people in islam looks over us because of race or nationality and I find this very disturbing being an educated man when the world (media) tears islam apart. I hope when we all finally get our judgement I hope we can all say that we were the best to our neighbors and kept islam first instead of making life into a drama filled spectacle. The prophet pbuh had to go against everything for islam and we as muslims cant make sacrifices to get over simple things such as race, domestic disputes, and the past. We are suppose to TRY to live as the prophet did but alas we are not doing a good job with some of the responses. I find this very disturbing and I will make dua for everyone. (wasalam)

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I understand your points and I am very aware of reality. I wish I had known about this underlying racism in islam...

Just to correct your sentence, it's people who are racist not islam... I know you agree Bilal, it's just the way you worded it.

Islam is trying to teach people to stay away from self-worship and racism for 1400 years... self-worship (worship of our "Nafs") is denying the worship of Allah, is the biggest sin and leads to all other sins including racism... unfortunately people will always be people, this is our destiny and weakness till the day of judgement... my 2 cents

Edited by khandadash
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as salaamu alaykum,

Bro. Bilal it seems to me that you are going through a stage in the conversion process that I call the disillusionment. The truth is that as wonderful as Islam is, Muslims are imperfect. And it's not a Muslim issue, if you are a Black man in America you should know this solidly. Racism is one of many diseases of the heart that can be found amongst all peoples, across all ages. I'd venture to say that we all harbor a bit of it.

Focus on Allah (swt) or you will lose your religion. Amongst the Muslims you will, INshaAllah, meet some of the most wonderful and selfless people on earth. You are likely, unfortunately, to meet some deeply depraved scoundrels, but mostly you will meet all sorts of people like you and I, those who are in between. Sometimes we are some of both, depending on the time, place and issue. If you came to Islam seeking community, you will be disappointed. If you came to Islam seeking a spiritual refuge in the mosque, you will most likely be disappointed. If you came to Islam seeking a utopic world of brotherhood that overcomes those things that divide humanity, then you will be disappointed. If you came, though, because you see the truth clearly in tawheed and the love of the Prophets of God for the sake of God alone; if you came because you long to cleanse your soul, enlighten your mind and most of all because you crave closeness to God then you will understand, with compassion, that your fellow travellers on this path hear the whispers of shaitan just as you do. We fail so much and our enemy so powerful that all we have is the Mercy of Allah (swt) and the continual search for His protection. Don't put ANY faith or hope in people, put it all in Allah (swt) and be prepared for a bumpy road to serving him. Are we better than the Prophets (saawas) or ahl al bayt (as)? They faced the same trials and they show us the path to overcoming them.

The older you get the harder it can be to determine the right course of action between two goods, each with difficult consequences. Racism is haraam, maintaining family relations is one of the highest goods. There are often no easy answers, and trying to live things in Black and White results in salafism :0). Sometimes 'amr bil ma'roof wa nahy anil munkar (enjoining good and forbidding wrong) is complicated.

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salaam alaikum,

I was sorry to read this post. Its sad isn't it? The point of the ehram during Hajj is to teach us the equality of all people in front of Allah (swt). But as soon as people get back home they return to ther self-centred prejudiced ways. It's more an in-built cultural thing than a religious thing of course. But its sad. So many people who call themselves Muslims, but so few who actually make any effort to submit to the ways prescribed by Allah. We're all children of Prophet Adam (a.s) and Bibi Huwa (a.s). We're all family. We're all equal. We're all mud creatures with big egos and we'll all be worm food in a few years whether we're black, white, oriental, east african khoja or pakistani khoja (I was shocked to find out that my local imambara has a "Khoja only" membership policy - what's that all about?). The fact that our Holy Prophet is descended from Bibi Hajra (a.s) (a black slave woman) who also has the honour of being buried next to the Kaaba as a reminder for people that Allah isn't interested in our wealth, social status or skin colour seems to have escaped the very people who pray towards it on a daily basis. Argh, when are we going to open our eyes!!

I'd love to marry a revert muslim woman anyday, at least then I'd probably have more chance of marrying someone who has taken a concious decision to lean and appreciate the essence of our beautiful religion.

Bro, go for it with the best of intentions, put your faith and trust in Allah and try your best. Ask Allah to enable it to work out if its the best thing for you....at least that way if it doesn't work out, then maybe it didn't because Allah was trying to protect you from hardship down the line. That's how i've always tried to approach things. :)

take care,

signed

pakistani khoja besotted with an Iraqi girl who is way out of his league :)

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What difference does color make? When we die Allah is not going to sort us out by color. We all come from 2 people. There was no racism then. This idea is man made and it is purely haram. Respect is given and it is not something that you get based upon the person whom you marry. It is given by first your deeds, accomplishments, and your morals. Islam is against racism and in order to change the opinons of the masses that believe in this obvious wrong something has to change. If we simply follow the leader we could all fall into sin and this is wrong as well. You have to be a muslim from your soul and not from societie's standings. If we were all blind none of this would matter. How about we start seperating people based off of eye color or hair color. Would this even make sense. We as muslims are taught to think. And use the quran as guidance. I feel so sorry for those that are racist and stray from the ultimate goal of islam (to unite the human race to praise and worship Allah as one). I am sorry my brother but I have to disagree with you and live with my deen instead of seperating my brothers and sisters because of something they have no control over. I will continue to make dua for everyone regardless of skin color.

(bismillah)

(wasalam)

Mashallah nice post. My hubby could learn something from that.Sometimes he acts racist.He hates arabs. Many of the people in hussainia are racist too.They stay away of f.ex marry converts and prefer a woman from his homecountry.The arabs there don't like other races,only arabs.So bad.

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Yes I'm aware of that. But I thought Berber = Moroccans = Arabs cus many of them speak Arabic as official language no?

The official language in Algeria and Morocco is arabic yes. But especially the berbers in Algeria want to separate from Algeria and have their own berber state. They feel the arabs have taken Algeria away from them.That Algeria originally was a berber state.Therefore the hate against the arabs. :( Many of the berbers in Algeria don't know arabic though.My husband speaks fluent arabic,berber,french and good english.

Edited by ummleyla
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Salaamu Alaikum,

(salam)

(bismillah)

I am a African american shia muslim and the woman I want to marry is a shia lebanese muslim. We both are in college persuing medical degrees. I currently have a very nice job and could support her and help her family. I make my prayers, read the quran, and I have even taken arabic and speak it fluently. She feels as though her parents would not give permission for the marriage only because of my ethnicity and not my character or deen. I was wondering is there a way to convince them or do I still have to ask for her fathers permission even though he may be racist. What should I do in this type of situation. She said she would consent to marriage if her parents agree.

dont jump to conclusions and give it a try! Go Ask, na?

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Bismillah

Salaam,

I find it disheartening that I am told that my case is only an exception and that I shouldn't expect other families to be as open as mine was/is. This is one of the reasons why racism is still such a big issue in our ummah. If we are going to let the racist be and not interact with them and not be trendsetters then we will get nowhere -- FAST.

Fact of the matter is that the parents haven't said no yet -- that's what the sister THINKS will happen, and there's nothing wrong with asking and seeing what would happen... only when you get a negative answer should you think about goign against their wills and doing anything else...

I wasn't encouraging anyone to go against family or forcing a family. I was saying to have Islamic proof ready because there are still some people who will realize their folly and listen to Allah first -- I haven't lost that much hope in our ummah, yet.

But that's my two cents based upon experience..

If no one wants to be a trendsetter and stand up against racism, then we can't sit and complain about it being there...

Salaam,

Majeda

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Salam,

Many people from middle east (Iranians and arabics) are racist. I suggest you elope with her (but only if she wants it). I would go against my family if they are unislamic and racist!!

True... my parents are the exact same way and it kills me

I agree. I would do the same

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Haven't read through the whole thread.

The girl should do the careful massage of her parents, telling about this great fellow student of hers, who is so intelligent, from a great family, he prays and fasts and all those things you mentioned. When she plays it well, her parents will be dying to meet you. They won't be willing to let go of this perfect opportunity for their daughter just because of your color! (which is a "by the way" when her mother is asking whether you like apple pie or baklava with your tea)

Don't just make it into a minor detail, try to turn it into one of your qualities. You have a heritage that will be an enrichment to their daughter's life. You have proven to be able to fight the odds and persevere despite racism. You are well versed in American society and language. And arab+black=possibly the most beautiful children in the world!

Once you've crossed their doorstep, it's up to you to make them forget any racist thought they have. Just be yourself and astonish them with your mind and akhlaaq. You will have the proudest MIL in the city!

Edited by Zeynab-europe
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Salam Aljekum brother!

There are lots of nice and good advices. And perhaps even more pessimistic ones (that often sounds intimidating), wich i think (in my oppinion)that you can read, reflect and think about and later neglect. I think sisters as Majeda and Zeynab-europe has very nice oppinions. Try to talk with local sheikh, and make som good PR towards the family. Its all about intentions (nia) If they are good, then inshallah, you will get blessing from her parents. Try to understand their culture and traditions, it will ease the handling with your issue.

The occuring racism is not only towards dark coulured muslims. It is also between muslims in general turks/arabs/persian/pakistanian/indian/nigerian/somalian/swedes/britons etc etc.

I hope this stupidity and ignorance will end someday inshallah. And we shall choose brothers and sisters as husbands and wives, by their iman/faith and character and not by race or culture.

I wish you the best. And may Allah bless you with a beatiful religous wife.

I will pray for you tonight inshallah.

Wassalam

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Where is your heart, I am pretty sure if he has a better heart than yours he has a better chance..

You are one bitter berry in a bush filled with sweet ones..

LOL. Since when did you get so cynical?

assalamalaikum

He's right. You must think of your future children. Rear your kids not to be racist. this is all you can do. Culture shouldn't matter but it does. Lebanese families have a habit of doing everything in their power to destroy the marriages with outsiders. why start your new life in conflict? If her dad says no you should respect that and not question his motives.

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assalamalaikum

He's right. You must think of your future children. Rear your kids not to be racist. this is all you can do. Culture shouldn't matter but it does. Lebanese families have a habit of doing everything in their power to destroy the marriages with outsiders. why start your new life in conflict? If her dad says no you should respect that and not question his motives.

as salam alaykum,

I think we should avoid generalizations. In my experience Lebanese (especially with their sons) are some of the most open minded with marriage to outsiders. Of the many women I've known who were married to Lebanese men (African, Black American, Far east Asian, latina, Indian, White American) I'm the only one who has experienced this degree of prejudice. That's not because they are Lebanese, its just because...well whatever the reason is. Allah (swt) knows.

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salam

as salaamu alaykum,

Focus on Allah (swt) or you will lose your religion. Amongst the Muslims you will, INshaAllah, meet some of the most wonderful and selfless people on earth. You are likely, unfortunately, to meet some deeply depraved scoundrels, but mostly you will meet all sorts of people like you and I, those who are in between. Sometimes we are some of both, depending on the time, place and issue. If you came to Islam seeking community, you will be disappointed. If you came to Islam seeking a spiritual refuge in the mosque, you will most likely be disappointed. If you came to Islam seeking a utopic world of brotherhood that overcomes those things that divide humanity, then you will be disappointed. If you came, though, because you see the truth clearly in tawheed and the love of the Prophets of God for the sake of God alone; if you came because you long to cleanse your soul, enlighten your mind and most of all because you crave closeness to God then you will understand, with compassion, that your fellow travellers on this path hear the whispers of shaitan just as you do. We fail so much and our enemy so powerful that all we have is the Mercy of Allah (swt) and the continual search for His protection. Don't put ANY faith or hope in people, put it all in Allah (swt) and be prepared for a bumpy road to serving him. Are we better than the Prophets (saawas) or ahl al bayt (as)? They faced the same trials and they show us the path to overcoming them.

Amazing post :cry:

-Asiyah

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I don't know what to tell you brother. Try.

After all, you would have chances to be rejected even by a black family. Who knows what is expecting you ? Be confident, Allah cannot refuse something good to a good soul so no matter what happens you will be winner at the end.

If they are opposed, alhamdulillah, you'll find better. If they accept, alhamdulillah you won't have to look further !

You are in my prayers !

salam

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I don't know what to tell you brother. Try.

After all, you would have chances to be rejected even by a black family. Who knows what is expecting you ? Be confident, Allah cannot refuse something good to a good soul so no matter what happens you will be winner at the end.

If they are opposed, alhamdulillah, you'll find better. If they accept, alhamdulillah you won't have to look further !

You are in my prayers !

salam

Assalamalaikum,

Why try? she won't have trouble finding another husband. Love the one you marry not marry the one you love. There are 82 sisters in Nigeria who need husbands pick one of them.

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(salam)

All you can do is try... sometimes a medical degree can cause people to overlook racism :lol: You should do what you can to convince her family. If it doesn't work out, and they are irrational, and she still wants to marry you, try to get help from someone in the community such as a reliable shaikh who is understanding of the situation and the dynamics involved. Even though she has not been married before, I would assume that if she is in med school, she is old enough and mature enough to make good decisions and can balance the preferences of her family with this potential marriage and come to the best decision.

assalamu alaikum

I've seen Lebanese and Iranian shias marry black americans. Generally though, you don't want some big fight with the family. Most likely, what they dislike more is the american part, not the black part if you get my drift.

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