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In the Name of God بسم الله

Moslems Not Replying To Salaams

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(salam) ,

Have any of you had the experience of fellow Moslems not replying to your salaams? I find this really odd and it happens a lot - I hear it from other converts too.

For example if we go into halal butcher shops, we always say "Asalaam alaikum" - all we get are stares, no answers!!! I used to think it was because I was a woman, but my husband gets the same reaction. Then I thought maybe they just didn't do that in their particular culture and were ignorant of Islam (yes, although a halal shop!) but then I noticed if another Asian came into the shop they would get a reply. Grrrrr. So one by one we boycotted the shops and have ended up with one particular halal shop were I am treated respectfully and our salaams are replied to!

It happens in other occasions too, I have even said salaam loudly walking into the women's quarters in certain mosques and not received a reply!!! What's going on ?

Also there are not that many women in hijab where I live. If I see another lady in hijab I always smile at her. Of course sometimes the sister smiles back and it warms my heart when this happens, but unfortunately in the majority of cases I just get stared at. I can't figure it out. Even if they do not realise I am Moslem and think a white person in hijab means something else, surely they can return a smile to another woman.

I am trying not to take it too personally as I recently spoke to some born Moslems who were lamenting the fact that Moslems did not always reply to salaams or shorten them.

I understand that it is not obligatory, but highly recommended to say "Asalaam alaikum" to other Moslems. I also understood though that if someone greets you with "Asalaam alaikum" it is obligatory to reply with the same greeting or something better, preferably something better.

Is it possible Moslems of today are just being rude and ignorant of how they are meant to behave or are they just bemused by white Moslems greeting them in Arabic? I can't work it out.

It really, really hurts each time my salaams are rejected, but I do not want to stop greeting people who are obviously Moslem, I also feel that is wrong too.

I just wonder what other people's experiences are of this - whether converts or born Moslems.

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

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^If it is a cold day, and the person is now 100 yards away, do you have to roll down the window and shout it so they can hear?

Yes.

Even if your life is on the line.

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-_- what i do is stare at their face and repeat my salam if they dont reply at first, if they choose to stay ignorant i just go on doing my business,which may be leaving their store in certain circumstances.

(salam)

I think I will try this next time - maybe the penny will drop then!!!!.

It did occur to me that a lot of Moslems in the UK are from traditional Moslem backgrounds but are either non-practising or practise according to their culture and without really understanding Islam. Maybe they even do not realise they are supposed to reply or maybe they see the greeting as one from their own culture rather than Islam and are confused as to why someone from a different culture is using it? Can people really be that ignorant of Islam though?

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

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(salam)

Keeping in view the emphasis of Islam on ethics it is quite ironic that most of the staunchly relgious people (fanatics) almost always have the worst of akhlaq.

So, if someone doesn't reply to your salam two or three times, it would mean they don't want you salaming (:P) them. You need not boycot them as it would create more difficulties for you.

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Speaking of replying to salams, one day I was driving down the road, and a young boy leaned out the window of a red full size van and shouted "Salam Alaikum!" What is the obligation regarding replying to salams at 45 mph on the expressway?

If you heard it then you should answer, maybe with a much louder voice. :)

It reminds me of a simple illetrate muslim villager, who was using phone for the first time. Apparently he dialed a wrong number and the voice told him: "Asalam Alaikum! the number you have dialed is wrong."

The poor guy kept saying "Walikum Salam" until the batteries went dead.

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Assalaamu alaikum sis,

Don't worry about it, I think it happens everywhere & usually with people who don't kno/practice or maybe have an attitude problem. Just salaam them either way and if they do/ don't reply that their business but you'll be getting your blessings. I also find it hurtful when other muslims don't have the adhaab to answer but that's their issue.

When I was a Sunni, I read it was makruooh to Salaam a man if ur a woman out of respect for hijab, etc. Is it the same in Shi'ite Islam?

(salam) ,

Have any of you had the experience of fellow Moslems not replying to your salaams? I find this really odd and it happens a lot - I hear it from other converts too.

For example if we go into halal butcher shops, we always say "Asalaam alaikum" - all we get are stares, no answers!!! I used to think it was because I was a woman, but my husband gets the same reaction. Then I thought maybe they just didn't do that in their particular culture and were ignorant of Islam (yes, although a halal shop!) but then I noticed if another Asian came into the shop they would get a reply. Grrrrr. So one by one we boycotted the shops and have ended up with one particular halal shop were I am treated respectfully and our salaams are replied to!

It happens in other occasions too, I have even said salaam loudly walking into the women's quarters in certain mosques and not received a reply!!! What's going on ?

Also there are not that many women in hijab where I live. If I see another lady in hijab I always smile at her. Of course sometimes the sister smiles back and it warms my heart when this happens, but unfortunately in the majority of cases I just get stared at. I can't figure it out. Even if they do not realise I am Moslem and think a white person in hijab means something else, surely they can return a smile to another woman.

I am trying not to take it too personally as I recently spoke to some born Moslems who were lamenting the fact that Moslems did not always reply to salaams or shorten them.

I understand that it is not obligatory, but highly recommended to say "Asalaam alaikum" to other Moslems. I also understood though that if someone greets you with "Asalaam alaikum" it is obligatory to reply with the same greeting or something better, preferably something better.

Is it possible Moslems of today are just being rude and ignorant of how they are meant to behave or are they just bemused by white Moslems greeting them in Arabic? I can't work it out.

It really, really hurts each time my salaams are rejected, but I do not want to stop greeting people who are obviously Moslem, I also feel that is wrong too.

I just wonder what other people's experiences are of this - whether converts or born Moslems.

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

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(salam) ,

Have any of you had the experience of fellow Moslems not replying to your salaams? I find this really odd and it happens a lot - I hear it from other converts too.

For example if we go into halal butcher shops, we always say "Asalaam alaikum" - all we get are stares, no answers!!! I used to think it was because I was a woman, but my husband gets the same reaction. Then I thought maybe they just didn't do that in their particular culture and were ignorant of Islam (yes, although a halal shop!) but then I noticed if another Asian came into the shop they would get a reply. Grrrrr. So one by one we boycotted the shops and have ended up with one particular halal shop were I am treated respectfully and our salaams are replied to!

It happens in other occasions too, I have even said salaam loudly walking into the women's quarters in certain mosques and not received a reply!!! What's going on ?

Also there are not that many women in hijab where I live. If I see another lady in hijab I always smile at her. Of course sometimes the sister smiles back and it warms my heart when this happens, but unfortunately in the majority of cases I just get stared at. I can't figure it out. Even if they do not realise I am Moslem and think a white person in hijab means something else, surely they can return a smile to another woman.

I am trying not to take it too personally as I recently spoke to some born Moslems who were lamenting the fact that Moslems did not always reply to salaams or shorten them.

I understand that it is not obligatory, but highly recommended to say "Asalaam alaikum" to other Moslems. I also understood though that if someone greets you with "Asalaam alaikum" it is obligatory to reply with the same greeting or something better, preferably something better.

Is it possible Moslems of today are just being rude and ignorant of how they are meant to behave or are they just bemused by white Moslems greeting them in Arabic? I can't work it out.

It really, really hurts each time my salaams are rejected, but I do not want to stop greeting people who are obviously Moslem, I also feel that is wrong too.

I just wonder what other people's experiences are of this - whether converts or born Moslems.

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

Wa 'Alaykum As-Salam Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatuhu Ya Ukhti!

I know exactly what you mean, when I said salam to anyone whom didn't reply back I just let it be as they have gone against the command of Allah and so I do not want them to be more guilty than allready have become as I would not want people risking me to be more guilty than I allready am!

masha Allah ta'ala and keep up the good work my sister, please do not let cultural fools affect you in a negative way:)

ma3asalama!

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(salam)

I actually knew of some muslims who intentionally did not respond to everyone's random salam. They made the case that their scholars say it is not obligatory to return the salam of someone unless they know the other person is muslim. According to them, it is haram to wish salams on a non-muslim, even in response.

I once heard an arabiyya sister say, in a small sisters group, that she did not consider non-arabs to be real muslims, and that she did not say salam to them or return their salaams. She was floored when I pulled her to the side later that evening and let her know she was saying that to a non-arab, american sister. She apologized, and reportedly returns salaams to anyone who greets her.

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(salam)

This hasn't happened to me. However, I don't think you should let it worry you. If someone chooses not to respond to you, it's really their problem that their mother didn't teach them any manners. There are also a lot of other possibilities, such as:

1) They didn't hear you or had something else on your mind or weren't sure if you said salam or not (that happens to me sometimes)

2) They're shy

3) They have some weird ideological consideration (like MuslimaIBe mentioned) or they think it is haraam to talk to women or something. (Mostly Wahhabis suffer from this stuff)

4) They are not familiar with Islamic culture. Just because someone looks Muslim doesn't mean they know anything about their religion. They may also think "Salam" is just another word for "Hi" in their language or have other weird ideas like the lady mentioned above did.

5) They're not Muslim. That's not farfetched - where I live, all the butchers in the halal shops are non-Muslims they hire for cheap.

Also, while it seems normal to me to say salaam to other Muslims in a country where Muslims are a minority, it is worth recognizing the fact that in a Muslim country, people don't go around saying "Salam alaikum" to random strangers. It would be like walking around New York and saying "Hello" to everyone. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's not something that people would be accustomed to. So some people come here and won't think to say salaam if they see another Muslim especially if you live somewhere where there are a lot of Muslims.

If it bothers you, I think you should talk to them about it directly like MuslimaIBe did. Someone did that to me once. She said salam to me and I mumbled a reply. And she said "I'm waiting for you to return my salam". She was offended. I hadn't realized she hadn't heard. That way, they'll know for the future.

Also, you have to realize that some Muslims in non Muslim countries also suffer from inferiority complexes. Even if they are in hijab, they may secretly be ashamed of being a Muslim and not want to associate with that culture or represent it. (Don't laugh - it's true and I'm sure many people on here can attest to it) So they may actually not want to reach out to other Muslim sisters because it's not what they really feel comfortable with themselves. I see some girls at school like this. People have all kinds of weird complexes.

(salam)

I actually knew of some muslims who intentionally did not respond to everyone's random salam. They made the case that their scholars say it is not obligatory to return the salam of someone unless they know the other person is muslim. According to them, it is haram to wish salams on a non-muslim, even in response.

I once heard an arabiyya sister say, in a small sisters group, that she did not consider non-arabs to be real muslims, and that she did not say salam to them or return their salaams. She was floored when I pulled her to the side later that evening and let her know she was saying that to a non-arab, american sister. She apologized, and reportedly returns salaams to anyone who greets her.

According to them, it is haram to wish salams on a non-muslim, even in response.

I believe this is also the Shia position, right? Specifically it is haram tos ay "salaam alaikum" or "wa alaikum assalaam" to a non Muslim?

Edited by BintAlHoda
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^Is it? An elderly white man in a bookstore said "salam alaikum" to me, and I responded first with "wa alaikum salam", then asked if he is Muslim. He replied, no, but I have Muslim friends. I thought it was very nice of him, and would worry about offending someone who was reaching out, by not responding in a friendly and appropriate way.

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(salam)

All I know is that, regardless of upbringing, cultural considerations, shyness etc etc. the Holy Quran says the following:

(please forgive the really rough translation but I don't know if it is possible to type in Arabic into this reply)

"And if you are greeted with a salutation, then return the greeting with something better than it or return it with the same. Indeed Allah is reckoning upon everything."

For the Arabic please see Surah Anisa 86:4)

I would personally understand from this that if a Christian greets me with 'hello' I am also obliged to reply with either 'hello' or something better. But it is no doubt a clear instruction from the Quran itself, not hadith, nor recommendation, but a clear directive. It also doesn't say to make sure that the person is a Moslem first or not a woman or don't reply if you are shy..... this is why I don't understand the rudeness of people not replying. It can happen in mosques to women, so presumably there is no problem of speaking to the opposite sex and they are praying in a mosque so are presumably Moslem and sometimes even sitting there with a Quran!!! I find it insulting for sure (but I know they are commiting a wrong) but really am curious to get my head around WHY these people don't reply in the cases I have either experienced or heard of from other people. Ignorance I suppose?

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

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(salam) ,

Have any of you had the experience of fellow Moslems not replying to your salaams? I find this really odd and it happens a lot - I hear it from other converts too.

For example if we go into halal butcher shops, we always say "Asalaam alaikum" - all we get are stares, no answers!!! I used to think it was because I was a woman, but my husband gets the same reaction. Then I thought maybe they just didn't do that in their particular culture and were ignorant of Islam (yes, although a halal shop!) but then I noticed if another Asian came into the shop they would get a reply. Grrrrr. So one by one we boycotted the shops and have ended up with one particular halal shop were I am treated respectfully and our salaams are replied to!

It happens in other occasions too, I have even said salaam loudly walking into the women's quarters in certain mosques and not received a reply!!! What's going on ?

Also there are not that many women in hijab where I live. If I see another lady in hijab I always smile at her. Of course sometimes the sister smiles back and it warms my heart when this happens, but unfortunately in the majority of cases I just get stared at. I can't figure it out. Even if they do not realise I am Moslem and think a white person in hijab means something else, surely they can return a smile to another woman.

I am trying not to take it too personally as I recently spoke to some born Moslems who were lamenting the fact that Moslems did not always reply to salaams or shorten them.

I understand that it is not obligatory, but highly recommended to say "Asalaam alaikum" to other Moslems. I also understood though that if someone greets you with "Asalaam alaikum" it is obligatory to reply with the same greeting or something better, preferably something better.

Is it possible Moslems of today are just being rude and ignorant of how they are meant to behave or are they just bemused by white Moslems greeting them in Arabic? I can't work it out.

It really, really hurts each time my salaams are rejected, but I do not want to stop greeting people who are obviously Moslem, I also feel that is wrong too.

I just wonder what other people's experiences are of this - whether converts or born Moslems.

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

Just because they've claimed the title of being 'Muslims' doesn't mean they practise the religion.

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(salam)

I once heard an arabiyya sister say, in a small sisters group, that she did not consider non-arabs to be real muslims, and that she did not say salam to them or return their salaams. She was floored when I pulled her to the side later that evening and let her know she was saying that to a non-arab, american sister. She apologized, and reportedly returns salaams to anyone who greets her.

I remember going on youtube to watch some revert videos, and the sister in one of them said her salaams to "all my brothers and sisters in Saudi Arabia" and I was like :huh: "Hey sis, you just left out 80% of your Ummah. Where's my salaam at?" But I just put it down to a newbie faux pas. She was fully western, BTW.

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^Is it? An elderly white man in a bookstore said "salam alaikum" to me, and I responded first with "wa alaikum salam", then asked if he is Muslim. He replied, no, but I have Muslim friends. I thought it was very nice of him, and would worry about offending someone who was reaching out, by not responding in a friendly and appropriate way.

i found this in the book "contemporary legal issues" on www.najaf.org:

Greeting non-Muslims

Q200: What is the ruling on saying ìsalamî or replying to it with respect to the People of the Book, or others amongst the unbelievers? Is it permissible to congratulate them on some of their special occasions like Christmas and the like?

A: There is no objection to commencing with salam to them, but it is discouraged (makruh) except when necessary, even if it is customary. Their salam should be replied by saying alayk There is no objection to congratulating them on special occasions. (MMS, pp. 31-32, Q63)

anyway with regards to why people do certain things, we are supposed to give our brothers/sisters 72 (or however many) excuses and remember that if other poeple dont do something then that just makes us the person with the greater knowledge and higher akhlaq

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Salams!

Those who usually don't say salam to me when I say it first are usually salafias ,cause since they think shias are not muslims(they know i am shia)they don't bother to greet me with salam back.Only with "hi"or "hello". :wacko:

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Salams!

Those who usually don't say salam to me when I say it first are usually salafias ,cause since they think shias are not muslims(they know i am shia)they don't bother to greet me with salam back.Only with "hi"or "hello". :wacko:

Alaikum salaam,

then they are going against the teachings in the Quran that tells us that when someone gives us a greeting we should reply with the same greeting or a better one! Saying Hi is not better than salaam. And this quote (I studied this in my Arabic class) - says when 'someone' greets us, not when a 'Moslem' and therefore there is no way they can interpret this as 'when I Moslem who belongs to my mindset or cult' greets me.

In short I believe it is actually going against the Quranic teachings - so doesn't this make it haram what they are doing?

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

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Alaikum salaam,

then they are going against the teachings in the Quran that tells us that when someone gives us a greeting we should reply with the same greeting or a better one! Saying Hi is not better than salaam. And this quote (I studied this in my Arabic class) - says when 'someone' greets us, not when a 'Moslem' and therefore there is no way they can interpret this as 'when I Moslem who belongs to my mindset or cult' greets me.

In short I believe it is actually going against the Quranic teachings - so doesn't this make it haram what they are doing?

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

For sure it does make it haram! I know a hard core salafia from egypt.He doesn't know I am a shia hehe,but he hates shia so much. Calls shia pigs and dogs and kuffar de luxe.I have tried to make him change his mind but it's like talking to a wall so I have given up.He has said muslim is muslim,shia is shia,and that shias are not muslims at all.I know a convert who is salafia but she always says salamu alaykoum to me and she has nothing against shia like that.Salafias are different. Some hate shias and concider shia to not be muslims but kuffar,other salafias don't care and concider shias as muslims but a little astray.But I have never ever felt more hate than I have felt from him.He has said the one he is going to marry has to hate shia as much as he does cause he doesn't want mother of his kids like shia and teach his kids that shias are muslims too.

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For sure it does make it haram! I know a hard core salafia from egypt.He doesn't know I am a shia hehe,but he hates shia so much. Calls shia pigs and dogs and kuffar de luxe.I have tried to make him change his mind but it's like talking to a wall so I have given up.He has said muslim is muslim,shia is shia,and that shias are not muslims at all.I know a convert who is salafia but she always says salamu alaykoum to me and she has nothing against shia like that.Salafias are different. Some hate shias and concider shia to not be muslims but kuffar,other salafias don't care and concider shias as muslims but a little astray.But I have never ever felt more hate than I have felt from him.He has said the one he is going to marry has to hate shia as much as he does cause he doesn't want mother of his kids like shia and teach his kids that shias are muslims too.

Alaikum salaam,

what is the problem with such people? So much hatred in them? I do not understand how you can be a Moslem and follow Islam yet have so much hate in you. I can only think that this person you mention is not really secure in his beliefs and feels really really threatened by Shia Moslems. You know you hear this all the time about homosexuals - there can be certain men who shout and swear how much they hate gays and think they should be imprisoned/shot etc. - really extreme - and then guess what - it actually turns out they are guy themselves! Look at Hitler - he wasn't pure Aryan blood himself yet was so racist. I actually believe this man you know cannot really believe his own salafi stuff 100%.

Allah hafez

Fatimeh

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As-salamu alaikum sisters and brothers!

I have now had the unfortunate experience of not having my salaams returned too, it's not nice!

Although I live in a town in Sweden, and there aren't THAT many muslims, I think this would make us more keen to really stick together, bu apparently not in all cases.

I am wondering about somali muslimahs, as they are the ones so far that have not returned salaams or even smiled or anything...even though I could see that they saw me... I am definitively not making a generalization here, as I personally hate it when ppl. dp that about things, but I am just wondering if there could be some particular reason for this somali non-response (I am guessing they are somali because in my town he have quite a few somali immigrans that are black mulims, and also because their khimars....however I don't really care if they are somali or anything else....I'm just confused as to way they won't return my salaams..)

Any ideas? I'm lost.

However, yesterday I met the nicest muslimah from Iraq who started chatting to me after saying salaam, we ended up talking for half an hour and she said the most heart warming thing, that she appriciated me as a revert because I had to go the hard way (not my word, hers. I wouldn't say I had it that hard but she was so sweet saying that)

Ok, no more babbling!

Maa salaam/ sister Nabeeha

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Assalaamu alaikum sis,

Don't worry about it, I think it happens everywhere & usually with people who don't kno/practice or maybe have an attitude problem. Just salaam them either way and if they do/ don't reply that their business but you'll be getting your blessings. I also find it hurtful when other muslims don't have the adhaab to answer but that's their issue.

When I was a Sunni, I read it was makruooh to Salaam a man if ur a woman out of respect for hijab, etc. Is it the same in Shi'ite Islam?

assalamu alaikum

In shia'ism a strange man in public isn't supossed to give salams to a woman first because it is up to the woman to initiate interaction, not for the man to force interaction on her.

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I say (salam) in a way no one can ignore....

Loud firm with a hint of 13 years old in it, ok make that a dash, ok make it a bagful, okmake it a ton :squeez:

LOL, reminds me of the time I was driving down the road and a van passed me. A boy leaned out the window and shouted "SALAM ALAIKUM!" and they continued on down the road. After doing a double take (this was the first Muslim I'd seen in this town, and I'd lived here for six months at that time) I replied back in a normal voice, so I'm sure he didn't hear me. But then I wondered if I was supposed to shout a reply. What good is a salam if it is inaudible?

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LOL, reminds me of the time I was driving down the road and a van passed me. A boy leaned out the window and shouted "SALAM ALAIKUM!" and they continued on down the road. After doing a double take (this was the first Muslim I'd seen in this town, and I'd lived here for six months at that time) I replied back in a normal voice, so I'm sure he didn't hear me. But then I wondered if I was supposed to shout a reply. What good is a salam if it is inaudible?

Assalamu alaikum

I have a friend who when muslims tell her "Hi" she responds with "Wa alaykum Hi" sometimes. As you can tell, she is kind of a kick to be around.

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LOL, reminds me of the time I was driving down the road and a van passed me. A boy leaned out the window and shouted "SALAM ALAIKUM!" and they continued on down the road. After doing a double take (this was the first Muslim I'd seen in this town, and I'd lived here for six months at that time) I replied back in a normal voice, so I'm sure he didn't hear me. But then I wondered if I was supposed to shout a reply. What good is a salam if it is inaudible?

Why are people always shouting at you from vans?! or are you just reiterating the same story as a few posts ago? i think there should be a forum rule about reiterating the same story as it causes confusion.

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I think it's the same story ^^ ^_^ .

In school, whenever I walk past this one guy, he yells really loud SALAM ALAIKUM... I replied to him once thinking that he was being 'polite' but it turns out he was just another person making fun of me.

And when my sister who is much younger than me, walks into the room and doesn't say anything, I say WALAIKUM SALAM to remind her that she should be the one doing it... ^_^

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