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Pornography And Masturbation Addiction

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Good idea. I tried it. Seriously. Bodybuilding. Still failed.

I suppose that I will have to try harder to make the replacement obsession more deeper.

Bodybuilding/Gym is usually not the best obession to have, because although it might fulfill the purpose of keeping you busy, it may also have negative effect on your faculty of lust at the same time.

Also, please note that visitng the gym is considered haram, by Ayatullah Sistani [QS].

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Exercise or a sport is certainly good. You want to have a new focus that is pleasurable, otherwise you may not be successful in replacing masturbation as a habit, which is pleasurable. Exercise is supposed to be good for your mood. Here are some more ideas: volunteering, perhaps playing with children or animals, hanging out with friends. Eating is also pleasurable if you eat the right foods, but these foods are usually fatty, unhealthy foods, so that would probably not be optimal as a new focus.

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On the gym issue, I still intend to go. It was a bit helpful, yes, and then again, it wasn't negative either. It did do a bit of good for my mind and my body. Believe you me having a potbelly and a poor figure dont do much for ones confidence and/or health. Plus I dont do it for show.

Its unlikely, that people like Hussein Rezazadeh would be where they are without working out at the gym. And I am one of his fans any way. Whats more from what I can see, he hasnt neglected his religion either. And to top it, hes one of the most popular people amongst the Shia.

I went to the gym only twice or thrice last year. I am starting next week. No change in plans.

Before I forget, I wish you all a Happy Eid!!!

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That would not work. What happens when he comes out of the temporary marriage then ? He will only have enhanced his faculty of passion, making it even more difficult to cope with later on..

If he is at the level of desperation that he sounds like he is in, this is the best choice. If he can wait, then wait.

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Bismillahirahmanirahim.

Salaamun alaikum everyone, all my dear Brothers and Sisters. Its been a loooong time! Im glad to be back!

Lots of useful discussions going on round plus a new look to the forum! :) .

OK, back to the Issue. I have a challenge here for all of you who are interested. Which one of you would like to help a fellow brother through one of the most troubling and difficult times in his life? I am swearing by Allah, that if you help me overcome my difficulties, you will get numerous sawaab to the extent that you will hardly believe it. On top of that, it will help other people Muslim and Non-Muslim alike to stop one of the toughest problems of the 20th century - The "Millenium Drug".

Here is the gist of it. This Millenium Drug is pornography. The first problem it causes is masturbation. The other problems are all sort of psychological depressions and difficulties big and tough enough to thoroughly destroy any human being.

This is my problem. I have been trying to battle it for a long time (10 years) to no avail. No matter how hard I try, I still end up failing. I have tried so much, that I come here as a sane person after all the difficulties, madness, frustrations. all the way to then end, not wishing to live at all, unable to do anything, neither move forward nor backward, stuck in a pit so deep that.. that what? I dont know.... I actually wanted to be shot by a bullet traveling the wrong end of a gun through the center of my forehead so that I could end all the [Edited Out]py bull[Edited Out]. Been through all sorts of difficulties in trying to stop. Troubles after troubles. Frustrations after frustrations. Madness after madness..... You name it.

Trough all the pitfalls, traps and difficulties, I am here... alive - thank Allah! After all is said and done, here I am sitting here on my computer table, sane, calm, waiting, willing to succeed, waiting for the right thing, the right approach, the right ingredients. Certain of one thing. That InshAllah, I will succeed.

I just need a bit of something I am missing. I believe I am almost there... Just a bit more. Just enough to succeed to break the habit and the psychological issues.

I am ready to discuss and try out whatever it is that I should do to stop. Ask me anything you want to find out about the issue.

Once more, I give you my word, that if you assist me to succeed, the good that will accrue from it will be such, that it will have no end in this world.

Right, sorry for the sentimentality of the language. It just pains too much. Seriously.

Waiting in anticipation,

Your Troubled Brother.

salam

first of all i commend you on speaking up about this subject many ppl face this very problem and feel humiliated talking about . in order to control a problem one must understand it.with all that we see in the media it seems difficult to stay away from such acts. actually its very simple the first thing you must do acknowledge that you do want to stop this addiction.once you realize this then you have taken the first step.second you have to understand that these acts are brought by the weakness of ones faith. the devil plays on this and acts to keep faith away so he makes you believe that you are in need of it(pornagrophy etc.) . to cure yourself you must 1)start believing that you are stronger then the devil and that he cannot play with your mind 2)you must become closer to god. and in that i mean always have him in mind,when you come to do these acts remember god, and that he is watching you, ask for help and forgiveness 3) always find time to read the holy book,that alone will help you move away from these acts. having love for god and asking him for help you will be surprised what he can do for you just have to ask him and WANT IT want the help everything in this world is an abstacle but god does say in the holy book that the devil cannot come near the faithful therefore you must strengthen your faith and slowly but surely you will find that the whisper of the devil will fade away and you moving away from this desire. reality is that any act from the devils whisper is not desired by the faithful

god be with you always

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On the gym issue, I still intend to go. It was a bit helpful, yes, and then again, it wasn't negative either. It did do a bit of good for my mind and my body. Believe you me having a potbelly and a poor figure dont do much for ones confidence and/or health. Plus I dont do it for show.

Its unlikely, that people like Hussein Rezazadeh would be where they are without working out at the gym. And I am one of his fans any way. Whats more from what I can see, he hasnt neglected his religion either. And to top it, hes one of the most popular people amongst the Shia.

I went to the gym only twice or thrice last year. I am starting next week. No change in plans.

Before I forget, I wish you all a Happy Eid!!!

Sorry, what I meant to say was a mixed gym. In Iran, all the gyms are unisex.

And yes, it is on his site, but I don't have the time to dig it out right now, so Insha'Allah I'll post it here tomorrow..

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Sorry, what I meant to say was a mixed gym. In Iran, all the gyms are unisex.

And yes, it is on his site, but I don't have the time to dig it out right now, so Insha'Allah I'll post it here tomorrow..

what a relief. Please don't take the trouble of searching for the fatwa... as I thought it was meant for all kinds of gyms including unisex.

ty for your reply

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(bismillah)

(salam)

One thing that weaken's a persons will to resist their nafs/desires is fear, or a sense of insecurity. Shaytan uses this often irrational fear and insecurity to persuade us to give in to our desires, rather than resist them. The best way to combat these tactics is by strengthening our confidence and trust in Allah (swt).

For example, in your case, you are trying to resist the urge to satisfy your sexual desire through illegitimate means. It may be that whenever your desire is aroused and you want to resist it, you may start thinking thoughts that make you insecure, such as thoughts along the lines of "what if I remain lonely forever, I'll never be able to satisfy my desires legitimately, porn & masturbation is my only choice" or "I have so much stress and pressure in my life and I deserve a source of pleasure in my life, if I don't watch porn/masturbate I will have none" or some other internal dialogue along those lines that make you lose hope and feel insecure or doubtful of about being able to fulfull your desires through halal means. These create a sense of desperation and urgency to commit a sin. They also weaken your faith as you lose trust in Allah (swt)

I don't know if this type insecurity is what is making you vulnerable in moments of weakness, but it likely plays a role. If this applies to you, some things you can try that will help you fight these types of thoughts are:

-Remember all the blessings Allah (swt) gives you everyday without you having to worry about them, or without you even noticing them in many cases. For example, your oxygen and your body's ability to breath it in. We never even notice how many times we breath, much less have doubts about whether or not we will be able to breath in the next breath. (This is probably because there is no haram way to take in the oxygen we need, so Shaytan isn't motivated to instill these doubts in us). Remembering these blessings and thanking Allah (Swt) for them constantly (such as after every prayer) helps us trust Allah and gives us confidence that Allah will provide the halal means to satisfy our desires. Also, think of the times that you thought you couldn't rely on Allah (swt) and that he wouldn't provide for your needs, but in the end you saw that he did, and thank him for that on a daily basis. Constantly repeating these blessings verbally will affect the way you think by making it almost second nature for you think of what Allah (swt) has provided you rather than what you don't have. This will reinforce your trust in Allah (swt).

Also, counteract the negative thoughts that instill fear/insecurity in you by creating a positive description of your future love life and repeating it to yourself daily. For example, create an image of how your relationship with your future wife will be inshallah, how you will meet each others needs (not just sexual) and how this will satify you more than porn & masturbation. You can turn this ideal image of your future into duas by asking Allah (swt) to grant you every element that will make this image a reality. The more you repeat this image, the more realistic it will become, and the less vulnerable you will be to negative thoughts that lead to insecurity/doubt.

-Ask yourself whether committing the sin (in this case porn/masturbation) will really satisfy your desire, or whether it will only frustrate you by making you feel guilty while leaving your desires unfulfilled and intact. Sexual desire is more than just a desire to orgasm, it is a desire for companionship and intimacy, neither of which can be satisfied by images or your hand. If you spend some time thinking about this point and convincing yourself that this sin is not going to satisfy you, you can resist it more easily.

Instead of seeing porn & masturbation as a means to satisfy your desires, start convincing yourself that it is a cause of you not being able to satisfy your desires. Allah (swt) didn't just make things halal and haraam to to create difficulty for us. What He made halal for us is halal because He knows it is the best means of satisfying our natural desires - desire which He also created. Start convincing yourself that porn & masturbation are factors keeping you from getting married and having real sex and companionship. See it as a reason that you feel lonely or frustrated. Articulate this in words and repeat it to yourself. Shaytan makes the good seem bad & harmful and the evil seem good & beneficial. You can combat Shaytan when you start reversing this perception and see good acts as good & beneficial and evil ones as bad & harmful.

When you start changing the negative dialogue that Shaytan instills in your mind with an alternate, positive one, it will be easier to resist temptation. You create this positive dialogue by articulating, in words the things I described above - the thanks you give to Allah for his blessings, the duas you make describing the ideal image of your future halal sex life, and the negative effects that your habit has on you. Then, the next time your tempation arise, you will be ready to use your own reasoning/arguments to answer/argue any line of reasoning that Shaytan uses to lead you to sin.

Also, a similar method, adjusted accordingly, can help with different types of addiction as well.

Hope this helps inshallah.

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He will forgive all your sins. as the Quran says. There is no sin so great that God cannot forgive. read the Quran...

Is that really true? Do Shia thoughts on "major sins" differ from Sunnis? Can someone elaborate, thanks. Because I know first hand from reading and listening to khutbas that Sunnis have certain unforgivable sins. Thanks for helping, iA.

Wasalam,

Hesam

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(salam)

Pornography and masturbation is part of physical means to satisfy the physical sexual urges...whether it is right or wrong is another issue. What is important, sexual urges must be satisfied correctly.

When a person mind focuses on the sexual urges, the sexual driving mechanism of the body will get exited. The past experiences (especially the habit) will influence the drive the most. This is also true with someone who are obsessed with car, sport, politics, taboos and others...etc. It will be very difficult to push aside the habits that we are so accustomed too.

But we all CAN push aside all these physical drives...because we as humans consist of TWO parts: physical and spiritual.

In the spiritual part of human...physical drives (or sexual drives) are zero...and they do not exist!!!

So the human being must know how to balance...when jump into spiritual and when to entertain the physical urges. When the physical urges tend to go overboard, jump the self into spiritual world, and the spiritual part will take over. When physical urges tend to follow the halal way...the spiritual part will support it (so that mind will in peace, syaitan can't provoke).

To get a spiritual guide within the self, you need the Prophet and Ahlulbayt (as).... This is their job to guide human beings. The job of syaitans is misguide the humans.

So get closer to Ahlulbayt (as), your problem will slowly goes away...because you are slowly going into spiritual world. One way is through duas, and the best way is through tawassul. Ahlulbayt (as) are the siratul mustaqeem. If they pull you out from your problem, you will be successful. THey will first put a stop to syaitans from influencing you. Then they will teach a logical way how to control yourself. They may guide you reading certain books, duas or meet certain people to help you further.

Hold on to Qur'an and Ahlulbayt, you will NEVER be misguided. InsyaAllah.

Layman

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You are right. That is my problem. I am constantly trying the mentioned approach. It works well, but I still end up failing as after some time as the pressures mounts almost exponentially. Its almost a chaotic feeling at certain points. I dont know whether others go through it like that. Let me tell you that it becomes so difficult to resist at those points, that I besically go cold all over my body and the depression and frustration increases enormously. It is sortof like a full psychological shock. Not that I havent stopped my self. But I did mention, that after a month to 40 days it like having a mountain of those feelings on my shoulders.

I didnt mention this, but I always remebered Alllah (s.w.t). Even in the depths of all those sins, and madness and whatsoever.

I also dont think that I would have got the help, and support from Allah (s.w.t) if He did not truly help me out. I could mention countless situations in which He helped. The truth is I like my Creator, and I truly believe its vice versa.

At those deep troughs in those points of difficult time, if I should succeed past them, then I dare say I would succeed. Seven months is all. I should be strong then. :)

Note: Before I forget, the core problems are highlighted below.

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Salaams,

Reading books/quran/hadith won't help. First step is to delete/destroy any haram material that you have and have the determination to stop completely. Next step is to make sure you are never alone and are always around friends/family who remind you of God. If you have a computer that you use for watching inappropriate things then put the computer in a place where your family/ friends will always be able to see what you are doing. If you're using your internet connection to watch things then make sure you have absoluety no access if you are going to be alone, even if it means having to get someone to take the modem away from you. If you can maintain this forced atmosphere on yourself for at least 40 days I believe the habit will die down. In ahadith doing certain acts for 40 days is highly emphasized upon because this time frame makes the action which you are doing like you second nature.

And remember, "Allah (swT) does not change the condition of people until they change themselves".

It would be unfair on your spouse if you enter a relationship while having these bad habits. It's not the physical impact that is the issue but rather the psychological impact. After watching pornography for 10 yrs your mind is going to be filled with so much unrealistic and disgusting fantasies so that when you see your wife you're not going to feel attraction towards her. You should really stop the problem before entering a permanent marriage.

Hope that helps.

Wassalam

Edited by ~Sajjad~

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Salam.

(Sins make ppl hard-hearted.)

[surah Hood 11:114] And keep up prayer in the two parts of the day and in the first hours of the night; surely good deeds take away evil deeds this is a reminder to the mindful.

Trust on Allah's word!

Seriously... keep up namaz at the first times. Keep up tahajjud.

InshaAllah.. it will be less day by day.

Plz dont forget..."surely good deeds take away evil deeds". You need to focus on good deeds. Namaz is the best deed and namaz is the only way that takes u to Allah. Namaz is the journey from all evil to the Eternal purity!

Leave the sin and keep up the journey towards Allah... that is keep up namaz.

It will be fine soon! inshaAllah.

One hadith:

A person told Prophet (s) that he cant stop stealing though he wanted to stop it.

Rasul (s) asked him to keep up namaz.. and said like: Namaz will gradually stop u from stealing.

Another Hadith:

A person told Prophet (s) that he cant stop drinking wine.

The Prophet (s) said like: first stop telling lies.

Telling lie is the root of all sins. If u start speking truth, then u'll gradually stop being intoxicated.

Then the next night/day the person gone to the bar, he cudnt resist going there but then he thought that if I go to the Prophet's (s) place again and if he ask me about my taking wine.. then how cud I tell him that I took it again?!! I cant tell him, 'I have taken it again', infront of Prophet (s)!! And also I cant tell lies too!!!

So he felt it in heart that neither he can tell lies in front of Prophet (s) nor he can speak truth of his sins in front of Prophet (s).

So at last he made it!! Alhamdulillah! He stopped sinning!

So we can learn from above two hadithes.

Just dont tell lies... every night thing about ur deeds and give report to Imam Zaman atfs.

Can u tell Imam the truth of ur sins like again u did it after He prohibited it?

Can u tell lies to Imam that u didnt do that though u have done it?

Never!

So, be a man! Think u r a general.. ur right decisions will save thousands of ppl's lives.

So decide the good thing... stick to it. At the mean time keep up wajib n tahajjud salat and don't tell lies.

It will help u! InshaAllah, Ya Rab!

(cud u plz do us a favor? just break the porn cds dvds tonight! And also delete the versions that r save onto ur pc! plz! Then tell us that u did it! U wont lie I guess, will u? And plz do us this favor. Break n delete those and tell us that u did it! Help us to help you! For God's sake!!

Waiting for ur action, general!)

Fee Amanillah.

Edited by shukranlillah

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Hey Brothers!

:D

Nice to see you all truly support me.

Points:

1. I didnt mention it, but Namaaz is the Pillar in my life. I always at least try to say my prayers on time and to wake up every single morning for fajr prayers. Plus I try to say several sunnat Namaaz every day. For parents and for Ahlul Bayt and others depending on occasion and whether I can reasonably do it.

2. I try not to lie at all. I have such difficulty lying that I can truthfully say that I hardly lie if at all. But I dare say I have said lies in my life though I cant recall when.

3. I have my own fantasies, not related to pornography. I dont let pornography dictate that which I intend after marriage.

Pornography is absolutely violent. And I am not a violent man by nature. I will do what I want, what I like, the way I want, the way like not what porn dictates. Porn is just a problem to me.

4. I dont keep pornography. So I dont have anything to destroy. I swear by Allah, that if I were to keep porn stuff at home, my problem would be soo bad that it wuld be the equivalent of the sun coming into physical contact with earth. I get it from the net. And my nets slow.

I just want to normalize myself before getting married. I still intend to get married. After 7 months abstinence.

The 40+ day approach is nice, gives me hope. Thank you. :)

Wasalaams

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Bismillahirahmanirahim.

Salaamun alaikum everyone, all my dear Brothers and Sisters. Its been a loooong time! Im glad to be back!

Lots of useful discussions going on round plus a new look to the forum! :) .

OK, back to the Issue. I have a challenge here for all of you who are interested. Which one of you would like to help a fellow brother through one of the most troubling and difficult times in his life? I am swearing by Allah, that if you help me overcome my difficulties, you will get numerous sawaab to the extent that you will hardly believe it. On top of that, it will help other people Muslim and Non-Muslim alike to stop one of the toughest problems of the 20th century - The "Millenium Drug".

Here is the gist of it. This Millenium Drug is pornography. The first problem it causes is masturbation. The other problems are all sort of psychological depressions and difficulties big and tough enough to thoroughly destroy any human being.

This is my problem. I have been trying to battle it for a long time (10 years) to no avail. No matter how hard I try, I still end up failing. I have tried so much, that I come here as a sane person after all the difficulties, madness, frustrations. all the way to then end, not wishing to live at all, unable to do anything, neither move forward nor backward, stuck in a pit so deep that.. that what? I dont know.... I actually wanted to be shot by a bullet traveling the wrong end of a gun through the center of my forehead so that I could end all the [Edited Out]py bull[Edited Out]. Been through all sorts of difficulties in trying to stop. Troubles after troubles. Frustrations after frustrations. Madness after madness..... You name it.

Trough all the pitfalls, traps and difficulties, I am here... alive - thank Allah! After all is said and done, here I am sitting here on my computer table, sane, calm, waiting, willing to succeed, waiting for the right thing, the right approach, the right ingredients. Certain of one thing. That InshAllah, I will succeed.

I just need a bit of something I am missing. I believe I am almost there... Just a bit more. Just enough to succeed to break the habit and the psychological issues.

I am ready to discuss and try out whatever it is that I should do to stop. Ask me anything you want to find out about the issue.

Once more, I give you my word, that if you assist me to succeed, the good that will accrue from it will be such, that it will have no end in this world.

Right, sorry for the sentimentality of the language. It just pains too much. Seriously.

Waiting in anticipation,

Your Troubled Brother.

Salaam brother,

I have just joined and been a keen observer of these boards. This is my first post. I was reading another post and read the following quote and thought that it may be of use to you. Masalaama.

QUOTE

However, abstinence from all the forbidden ways of fulfilling the sexual urge is not easy. Therefore, a few guide-lines would not be out of place. Once a man came to the Prophet and said, "I do not have the (financial) ability to marry; therefore, I have come to complain about my singleness." The Prophet advised him how to control his sexual urge by saying, "Leave the hair of

your body and fast continuously." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 178) By saying that "leave the hair of your body," the Prophet is asking not to remove the hair which grows on pubic area, chest, etc, by shaving or using lotion or wax; rather one should just trim the hair.

This hadith is indicating that removing the excessive hair increases one's sexual urge. (Probably, that is why the shari'ah has recommended the men to shave the excessive hair every forty days, and the women to remove the excessive hair by lotion or cream every twenty days.) In retrospect, it means that not removing the hair will decrease the sexual desire and help the person in abstinence. Imam 'Ali says, "Whenever a person's hair increases, his sexual desires have also decreased." (Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 178) I have not yet come across any scientific discussion on the relationship between removing of the hair and sexual urge, but I am told that the hakims believed that removing the hair from the pubic area increased the chances of direct pressure on that area and, consequently, the blood flow to the sexual organs.

http://al-islam.org/m_morals/chap3.htm#anchor443736

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The fact of the matter is that we all know that resisting sexuals sins are much, much easier said than done. Infact, the greatest of ALL worships is to be chaste before and even after marriage. Imam Ali(as) said:

"The greatest worship is to limit the sexual desire to that which is permissible"

A man came to the Prophet(s) and said that he was very impious because he did not do any extra worship except that he performed his wajibats and that he did not fall into sexual sins. The Prophet(s) told him that he did not have to worry as the greatest of all worships is to avoid sexual sins.

Therefore, becoming completely chaste is an extremely, extremely difficult objective to achieve. It is obligatory for all of us to NEVER fall into any type of sexual sins, but the truth is that we are not infallibles. The temptation to indulge in sexual sins is so extremely great in humans that even marriage cannot protect you completely, unless you are showered with constant divine help.

Sometimes, our efforts to remain chaste, our struggle against satan, our determination to be sin-free just simply seems to be entirely useless. Sometimes, no matter how much we pray, fast, lower our gaze, read the Quran, say the night prayer etc. etc....we can still not become as chaste as is required of us. Shaitan is so much more powerful, so dominating, so intermingled in our bodies, so determined to make us go astray that none of our actions or good deeds appear to have any effect on us.

Even Allah Talla has himself said in one verse in the Quran that following the rules of Islam is extremely difficult for everyone, except for those who are pious. So there is no way any ordinary person can become very chaste, even after marriage, unless he is very pious otherwise. Shaitan never gives up.

I believe our job is to try our level best and then leave the rest to Allah. He looks at our intentions and the degree of the effort we put in to resist the evil temptations. Then, even if the end result is that we are constantly failing, then beg Allah to forgive you and beg him to help you more, give you more strength. What else can a man do if he has exhausted all other means to avoid sins?

Despite the fact that it is so depressing to fail in your efforts to become chaste, one must never lose hope in Allah's limitless forgiveness. Infact, that is the only one real hope we have as human beings against the mighty power of shaitan. So, bottom line - I say just keep on trying as much as you can try - and if you still fail then dont lose hope because Allah Talla knows that it is not easy for anyone to be chaste.

You should feel remores and grief over the sins, but this should not lead to depression or loss of hope. If one becomes so depressed over his constant failures, then he will lose the determination to struggle more. Allah Talla knows that we cannot suddenly become infallible, like the Prophet or imams. What is expected however from us is to try our best.

One last thing...Allah Talla always does what is best for us. If you have tried a lot to get married, but you have been unable to do so, then it is perhaps only because Allah Talla himself desires to keep you unmarried for a certain period of time (as this might be best for you at this point in life). So rest assured that if your efforts are there, but your marriage has not come about, then it is by Allah's will and not your own negligence. Infact, you should thank Allah that He considers you worthy of being tested for sexual patience.

Edited by Maisam Haider

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The fact of the matter is that we all know that resisting sexuals sins are much, much easier said than done. Infact, the greatest of ALL worships is to be chaste before and even after marriage. Imam Ali(as) said:

"The greatest worship is to limit the sexual desire to that which is permissible"

A man came to the Prophet(s) and said that he was very impious because he did not do any extra worship except that he performed his wajibats and that he did not fall into sexual sins. The Prophet(s) told him that he did not have to worry as the greatest of all worships is to avoid sexual sins.

Therefore, becoming completely chaste is an extremely, extremely difficult objective to achieve. It is obligatory for all of us to NEVER fall into any type of sexual sins, but the truth is that we are not infallibles. The temptation to indulge in sexual sins is so extremely great in humans that even marriage cannot protect you completely, unless you are showered with constant divine help.

Sometimes, our efforts to remain chaste, our struggle against satan, our determination to be sin-free just simply seems to be entirely useless. Sometimes, no matter how much we pray, fast, lower our gaze, read the Quran, say the night prayer etc. etc....we can still not become as chaste as is required of us. Shaitan is so much more powerful, so dominating, so intermingled in our bodies, so determined to make us go astray that none of our actions or good deeds appear to have any effect on us.

Even Allah Talla has himself said in one verse in the Quran that following the rules of Islam is extremely difficult for everyone, except for those who are pious. So there is no way any ordinary person can become very chaste, even after marriage, unless he is very pious otherwise. Shaitan never gives up.

I believe our job is to try our level best and then leave the rest to Allah. He looks at our intentions and the degree of the effort we put in to resist the evil temptations. Then, even if the end result is that we are constantly failing, then beg Allah to forgive you and beg him to help you more, give you more strength. What else can a man do if he has exhausted all other means to avoid sins?

Despite the fact that it is so depressing to fail in your efforts to become chaste, one must never lose hope in Allah's limitless forgiveness. Infact, that is the only one real hope we have as human beings against the mighty power of shaitan. So, bottom line - I say just keep on trying as much as you can try - and if you still fail then dont lose hope because Allah Talla knows that it is not easy for anyone to be chaste.

You should feel remores and grief over the sins, but this should not lead to depression or loss of hope. If one becomes so depressed over his constant failures, then he will lose the determination to struggle more. Allah Talla knows that we cannot suddenly become infallible, like the Prophet or imams. What is expected however from us is to try our best.

One last thing...Allah Talla always does what is best for us. If you have tried a lot to get married, but you have been unable to do so, then it is perhaps only because Allah Talla himself desires to keep you unmarried for a certain period of time (as this might be best for you at this point in life). So rest assured that if your efforts are there, but your marriage has not come about, then it is by Allah's will and not your own negligence. Infact, you should thank Allah that He considers you worthy of being tested for sexual patience.

Salaam Alaikum,

You are right. I understand what you mean.

The problem with me isnt the remorse and grief, cause that is good, and it brings me closer to my Creator (s.w.t). Its the depression, bleakness and weakness that follows before, and after failure. Yes, it does reduce my determination. Getting my mind and determination back is like trying to piece together a glass broken into numerous tiny pieces.

Undoubtedly, you are right about Allah (s.w.t) doing whats best for us. I can actually see it based on my actions and situations.

About that guy that said that I watch porn till I am tired, brother, I have watched a looong time. I tried to stop by watching excess.

Turns out to make it even harder cause the damned porn gets strings into your body, mind and soul. Even alcohol and cigarette smoking dont work the same way. There may be some people whom watching excess porn might have stopped them. I dont know. The ones I know have excess porn and still watch. At least I am succeeding somewhat anyway.

Another point. I have not cut my pubic hear for a loong time. Maybe years. Doesn't grow very long. I reduced my level, but as you can see I am here still having the same problem. It does work to some extent, though I still recommend Marriage.

I havent tried fasting because of the difficulties entailed. I believe it will work better I dare say. But I find it difficult.

This is for my dear Sisters; My Sisters, why, why, why do you look down at men who want to do Muta? They arent any worse at all than any one else. Infact they are pretty good and caring men. No, they arent perverts, yes, they are romantic, caring people.

Havent you understood from reading the Holy Quran that chastity is damn hard? Why do you think the Holy Quran is so strict on this issues? Why do you think Allah (s.w.t) allowed Muta? Why? Look, it isn't the same for men as for women. You think its easy? When the Holy Quran places restricitons, it places them on men first, then women after that. Learn a few things from your Holy Quran recitals will you?

Please dont think men who want to do Muta to be any lower than those men who are married. They are equally good people if not better. They are good hearted people. At least they try to do thing under Allah's (s.w.t) permission so as not to commit a sin. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w) himself is a perfect example for mankind. He did it. These guys who want to do Muta are FOLLOWERS of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w). Kindly, kindly give them credit for it and get the [Edited Out] misconceptions out of your mind. They are following the Holy Prophet's (s.a.w.w) Sunnat, and you scoff at them? So what if they want to do Muta for one night? Is it haraam or not? Eh?

How mean of you!

Or would you rather they watched pornography and masturbated? Eh?

Please dont take this offensively. I was only doing it because of some replies that a Brother of mine, inquiring about Muta, was getting from some people. I though it relevant to put a word in.

Hey Bros and Sis, please remember me and all those who are in these difficulties in your Duas. Be understanding as well. It is indeed very difficult for them. I am indeed getting hope from what you are all writing.

Thank you all... :D

Wasalaams

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It works well, but I still end up failing as after some time as the pressures mounts almost exponentially.

That was what I was referring to as the "chain process". Once you've let one stray thought into your head, then the process has already started. The chain only terminates when you overcome it, or fail the challenge. Don't misinterpret this however, and fail the challenge on purpose however, in order start anew - because that only decreases your chances of victory next time round. In fact, the longer you can hold, the longer it will be next time. Don't expect to get rid of this problem in one go. It takes a few tries. Just make sure your improving (the duration you hold out for), rather than regressing..

Also bear in mind the following Qur'anic Ayah: "On no soul do we place a challenge harder than it can bear".

If you have this problem, then that means you can certianly overcome it as well..

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Salaam,

Not sure if anyone's mentioned this..but have you tried to overcome this problem slowly rather than all at once? Although you'll still be sinning in the process, but you will slowly be sinning less and less until you stop. For example, however many times you masturbate or however long you watch porn for in one day, set a limit for the day..and slowly set a limit for the week..and you'll slowly get rid of the problem..hopefully, because you will have been disciplining yourself and getting the hang of it.

Isn't that how we see it was done to the people back then...they used to drink and everything, and slowly, one by one things became forbidden to them...

Idunno, just a thought.

wsalaams

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