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KinAgn

Girlfriend/boyfriend Not Allowed!.

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I asked a question to someone about the sience behind why ham is haram, he told me the answer, but also said it doesnt really matter what the answer is, if Allah said not to do it, then that was good enough for him. Allah only says whats best for us. so reason does not really matter, maybe you can ask him when you get to him.

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I asked a question to someone about the sience behind why ham is haram, he told me the answer, but also said it doesnt really matter what the answer is, if Allah said not to do it, then that was good enough for him. Allah only says whats best for us. so reason does not really matter, maybe you can ask him when you get to him.

Amiiiiiiin

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A lot of Muslims have this weird complexity of defending something as "haram" simply because some people abused the system. Thats not an excuse for banning something. For example, we dont just ban football simply because one or two hooligans decided to cause chaos. We dont simply ban aviation just because one or two people decided to slam an airplane into a giant building. We dont simply ban a particular medicine just because one or two people were allergic to it. The list goes on. Unfortunately, however, many Muslims are quick to assume that whatever aspect in life has "faults" then it must surely be "haram". Not all boy/girl relationships go wrong, so why should they be haram unless they go wrong? "Oh because lustful intentions are inevitable"... Says who, a person who didnt even have a boy/girl relationship? Lets get this right, a Muslim preacher is telling us that boy/girl relationships are wrong because they bring lustful intentions and that sexual intercourse maybe inevitable. But thats coming out of a mouth which claims never touched these relationships. How would HE or SHE know that lust is inevitable unless you actually did it? In which case, if you did do it then youre banning other people from experiencing it because of your own fault? Thats like saying "look kid, dont ride that bicycle because you will fall - like I did". Says who? The other kid might not fall; so why must we ban something if it could go either way? Theres good and bad in everything including the food we eat. If you dont eat it properly or dont cook it right then its haram. So haram is something that goes wrong. Haram isnt something that didnt go wrong yet, its something which already went wrong. So its ludicrous to suggest that a nice relationship between a boy or girl is haram, and thats quite hypocritical of someone to suggest it.

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A lot of Muslims have this weird complexity of defending something as "haram" simply because some people abused the system. Thats not an excuse for banning something. For example, we dont just ban football simply because one or two hooligans decided to cause chaos. We dont simply ban aviation just because one or two people decided to slam an airplane into a giant building. We dont simply ban a particular medicine just because one or two people were allergic to it. The list goes on. Unfortunately, however, many Muslims are quick to assume that whatever aspect in life has "faults" then it must surely be "haram". Not all boy/girl relationships go wrong, so why should they be haram unless they go wrong? "Oh because lustful intentions are inevitable"... Says who, a person who didnt even have a boy/girl relationship? Lets get this right, a Muslim preacher is telling us that boy/girl relationships are wrong because they bring lustful intentions and that sexual intercourse maybe inevitable. But thats coming out of a mouth which claims never touched these relationships. How would HE or SHE know that lust is inevitable unless you actually did it? In which case, if you did do it then youre banning other people from experiencing it because of your own fault? Thats like saying "look kid, dont ride that bicycle because you will fall - like I did". Says who? The other kid might not fall; so why must we ban something if it could go either way? Theres good and bad in everything including the food we eat. If you dont eat it properly or dont cook it right then its haram. So haram is something that goes wrong. Haram isnt something that didnt go wrong yet, its something which already went wrong. So its ludicrous to suggest that a nice relationship between a boy or girl is haram, and thats quite hypocritical of someone to suggest it.

You say there's good and bad in everything. Alcohol has benefits as well as harms, but its HARMS OUTWEIGH ITS BENEFITS. Similarly, relationships may bring about the comfort of companionship and whatnot, but how often do you hear of someone accidentally getting pregnant? How often do you hear of fathers running away because they found out their "piece of meat" was not going through with the abortion? Such relationships demean human dignity.

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^You are outweighing things differently. Your first example of alcohol is haram because ALCOHOL has more negative things than positive things, right? But boy/girl relationships dont necessarily have more negatives than positives, however, the majority of relationships probably go wrong because the people in those relationships decided to do negative things. Still not understandable? Okay heres a way to look at it:

1. Alcohol has more diadvantages than advantages so perhaps its haram.

2. Boy/girl relationships do not have more disadvantages than advantages, but the majority of boy/girl relationships go wrong because theyre abused. So you see, its weighed out differently. The concept of boy/girl relationships isnt haram by nature, but the acts of same people makes them EXPLOIT or ABUSE the relationship to the extent that it turns haram. Thats completely different than someone consuming alcohol, because alcohol (whether overly consumed or not) will always negatively affect you.

Having said that, you do realise that wine is often used as a form of medication, in which case the concept of haram is nonexistent. Like I said earlier, haram is judged by the actions, not by the nature of things.

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Granted, alcohol and relationships are two different things.

However, ask yourself this question: assuming the ultimate goal is not marriage, why would a guy and girl want to date? For the comfort of companionship? Well, then, they could just be friends, they don't have to be a couple. Dating implies that there's going to be skin to skin contact and that there will be a desire for intimacy. That being said, Islam forbids na mahram contact. That law totally destroys the possibility of dating because that's what its all about. If two people truly fell in love with another, then Islam provides avenues to get them together.

Concerning the rule about medicinal alcohol - this is only halaal as long as there is no other cure to the ailment.

Edited by Nadir

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The point of having Marja is that we believe them to be exceptionally knowledgable in jurisprudence amongst other things; they spend years studying every aspect of Islam. I know we are trying to discuss the issue here but when your Marja whom you believe to be most knowledgable says that boy-girl relationships out of marriage are haraam, then they are haraam. end of. It is true that such relationships are not potentially harmful to everyone, but the fact is Western society has proved that they do more bad than good. SubhanAllah in Islam there is halal for every haraam; in this case, as has been mentioned, you either abstain, do Mutah or get married.

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^Generally speaking they are harmful to EVERYONE! In the spiritual and divine sense.

Allah knows more than you so stop trying to judge what isgood or bad for us when Allah has clearly said it is bad. You dont even come close to His knowledge and wisdom.

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But what if a Muslim girl and Muslim boy likes each other and they want to date but not for harram purposes such as sex only for like holding hands and hugging. They are both Rlly good Muslims and also baligh. Also they want to marry each other in the future.

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2 hours ago, Hijabonista said:

But what if a Muslim girl and Muslim boy likes each other and they want to date but not for harram purposes such as sex only for like holding hands and hugging. They are both Rlly good Muslims and also baligh. Also they want to marry each other in the future.

The idea of having a boyfriend/girlfriend is generally not in line with Islamic values. While the impermissibility of pre-marital sex is definitely a factor, even without it, the idea would generally not be compatible with Islamic values, which are very conservative - at least, according to modern, Western standards.

If a Muslim boy and girl like each other, then they should make this clear to their parents, and involve them in helping the couple secure a marriage. If the two are too young for a permanent marriage, at least in Shi'a Islam, the couple can turn to mut'a (temporary marriage), which would remove a lot of the restrictions Islam places on interactions between non-mahrams (i.e. it would allow them to hold hands, hug, hang out with each other and so on), without the structure (and, in some cases) burdens of permanent marriage, thereby paving the way for them to get permanently married in the future without exceeding the bounds of Islam in their youth.

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Being in a relationship is seen as small/minor sin but it can possibly end up being into a great sin which is fornication the reason why Being in a relationship is haram because Allah warns us in the Quran to not go near to great sins because we might end up doing a great sin thus is why being in a relationship is haram because we can possibly end up committing a great sin. If u went to establish a relationship you can do mutah for certain amount of time and set boundaries too and not all marja require the fathers permission. 

Edited by Anonymous2144

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It depends on the nature of the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

In Western societies, relationships typically imply “haram” such as fornication.

Wheras “boyfriend” may also imply, especially to Eastern cultures, “I am trying to get to know you for the purpose of marriage and set boundaries/abstain from Zina.”

Before I got married to my now-husband, I always referred to him as my boyfriend off SC, because I wanted people to know that I was no longer single. My husband mostly referred to me as his “fiancé” although he didn’t propose to me until he got here and I only stated calling him my fiancé until we officially got engaged. 

Of course, although we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we abstained from Zina, Alhamdulilah.

At the end of the day, it’s not that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are haram, it’s WHAT you do with them that makes the concept haram. Maybe the proper term for our relationship was “courting” but the term is outdated. 

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8 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

It depends on the nature of the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

In Western societies, relationships typically imply “haram” such as fornication.

Wheras “boyfriend” may also imply, especially to Eastern cultures, “I am trying to get to know you for the purpose of marriage and set boundaries/abstain from Zina.”

Before I got married to my now-husband, I always referred to him as my boyfriend off SC, because I wanted people to know that I was no longer single. My husband mostly referred to me as his “fiancé” although he didn’t propose to me until he got here and I only stated calling him my fiancé until we officially got engaged. 

Of course, although we were boyfriend and girlfriend, we abstained from Zina, Alhamdulilah.

At the end of the day, it’s not that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are haram, it’s WHAT you do with them that makes the concept haram. Maybe the proper term for our relationship was “courting” but the term is outdated. 

There is no girlfriend or boyfriend relationship in Islam even if there is no Zina among them, because friendship with a non-mahram is not allowed. If you have done Mut'ah then it would be halal. If you were engaged to be married, then being together and talking to each other is fine as long none of you will fall to sinning, and it is not only limited to Zina. If the person feel they have done sinning, then repentance is must.

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10 minutes ago, Abu Nur said:

There is no girlfriend or boyfriend relationship in Islam even if there is no Zina among them, because friendship with a non-mahram is not allowed. If you have done Mut'ah then it would be halal. If you were engaged to be married, then being together and talking to each other is fine as long none of you will fall to sinning, and it is not only limited to Zina. If the person feel they have done sinning, then repentance is must.

We were engaged informally but he couldn’t officially propose until he gave me the ring when we moved here, so I couldn’t call him my fiancé before that although we wanted to get married. 

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26 minutes ago, Abu Nur said:

There is no girlfriend or boyfriend relationship in Islam even if there is no Zina among them, friendship with a non-mahram is not allowed.

There are many relationships that doesnt need a name or title, there are times where 2 people sit together share their stories,those 2 get beyond the bodily level and attains each emotional comfort zone from where this worldy body that we all own would be lifeless, as one's intention at that stage would not be to get physically  bonded because that not his/her zone of relationship with the other person.

Yes, Problem starts where your initial step towards such friendship or relationship is due to the only reason of other person being of Opposite Sex or source of attraction. 

It's all in our Heads, and so it eventually becomes the way we want it to be!

 

Edited by Be Human First

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum

Sister @Hijabonista

Welcome to SC. I'm glad you joined this community.

How are you sister?  Congratulations on the month of Ramadhan.  I hope you are well and in good health.

Islam protects girls from improper relationships.  Even looking at the opposite sex with the intention of lust is zina of the eyes.  If you want to get to know a man for intention of marriage, this is not a problem in Islam.  Please invite the brother to your home and let him talk to your father first. 

This way he knows you are serious and there is no monkey business.  I encourage you to not exchange messages of i love you, miss you, without officially doing kitab ktab.  

The best type of worship now in the month of Ramadhan is to avoid sin.  I hope you consider what I said, and to confirm what I said or if you have any doubt, please contact your local sheikh or alim resident and ask him what you are permitted and not permitted to do with the opposite sex.

God bless you sister and thank you for asking an important question.  I'm sure many will benefit from your question.

@Be Human First

Prevention is better than cure.  

 

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

Edited by Laayla

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Salaam Alaykum

All sorts of boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are Haram. Kidding and laughing with nonmahram is Haram at any extent. Why do some users are broadcasting stuff in a public website that are against religious rulings? Please read this story.

Abubasir was a BLIND person who was teaching Quran to a woman. One day, he kid with that woman and then left (please pay attention that no fornication or anything happened. he just kid with her then he left. He didn't do anything else. He was BLIND). He met Imam Sadegh and as soon as he came to Imam Sadegh's house, Imam Sadegh asked:" What did you say to that woman?" Abubasir said that I became ashamed of myself that moment and I didn't say anything. Imam Sadegh said:" Don't talk with that woman again".

Source: وسایل الشیعه/ جلد ۱۴/ باب ۱۰۴ / ح ر ۶

There are a couple of points in this hadeeth.

1. Talking with nonmahram about teaching and the job is allowed as long as it is not mixed with laughing and kidding with nonmahram.

2. Those who say that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are OK if there is no bad intention, are absolutely wrong according to Imam Sadegh.

3. Even if you are BLIND, it is not the permission to kid with nonmahram. This is very important.

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

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