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In the Name of God بسم الله
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fayyaz

Poll: Love Marriage Or Arrang Marriage

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I'd say love marriage, nothing's better in my opinion than marrying someone you love because you learn to love and understand each other . You also get to learn about the person's qualities and flaws and you can ask yourself whether or not you could live with that person.. Whereas arranged marriage , you get to talk once or twice before your kitb el kitab and then you're with the person for better or for worse...and then after a few weeks you might discover how you can't stand the person you've just married and then it is too late to turn back...

Edited by lebaneseshia86

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i aint got nothin against arranged marriages, its just that the people who are arrangin it should know what their daughter/son preferences are. majority just consider, job, family status, perhaps the age, and maybe the height lol

bonjer_gal

-yea my answers usually have more than 1 meanin

sugarveil

- they wont see it as forcing, coz theyre just doin wat they think is best, theyre simply followin the cultural rules that were implemented on them to their children.

its funny coz mum said, me and your dad were thinking about mrXXXX, what do u think, i go nahh mum i dont like the idea coz 2 diff personalities, mum goes, whhhyyyyyyy nottttttt hes gooood for youuuu ! so i was like ok, whatever and just walked away haha

:( :( but thats like ur whole future. how can u say yes 2 sum1 u dnt even want :( ?

u shud talk 2 them :(

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Arranged marriage for me. One that quote, im sure someone brought it up her, that one about Love after marriage, i think sums it up for me.

Im not a mushy person, so i've said before i dont understand this falling in love thing, im sure it takes a while for true and deepful meaning love to set in, and unless you date someone for a while, its just attraction and lust.

Also theres various other reasons, such as my mums a racist lol, so the pool from which i can have a love marriage is small. I would never get married, without my mothers consent or blessing, and i got a semi proposal from a girl once, i wasnt in love with her, or she with me, but we were 'compatible', lol, as they say. We got on really well, and if i must admit myself, not blowing the trumpet and all (well i am bit) i am a good catch lol, so i understand (but she was brave, i could never propose to someone, id let my parents do it to her parents for me!! )

She was the wrong ethnicity, and i couldn't as i knew my mother would never forgive me, so it was a no. But as it was not a 'love' relationship, it wasnt much an issue, although we've never spoken after that.

And she was GORGEOUS as well...lol

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I think it depends. There's arranged marriage, where your parents present whomever to you and leave it up to you to decide and then there's forced marriage where no questions are asked.

Personally, the thought of spending my life with a total stranger - albeit at the beginning - is a bit daunting. It doesn't have to be love exactly, but a certain degree of familiarity and understanding beforehand would be nice, methinks.

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(salam) ,

Imam Jaffar al Sadiq says: Do not love and get married, get married then fall in love.

Who's advice better to take than my beloved Imam (as).

Wassalam

(salam)

I agree with this 100%

Walikoum Salam

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salam,

sometimes it's both for people. guy/gal meet fall in love then tell parents and THEY arrange it as if the guy/gal never met each other.

Or Parents arrange, do engagement, allow guy/gal to chit-chat fall in love and then marry. I have seen both happen and also seen engagement break when chitchat didnt go well. :)

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Guest fatima2003

I do not beleive n falling in love with someone in todays terms.....firstly..... love is something that develops over time and is due to deep respect of said person....... its not something you have right away.... it takes years to develop........

then i also believe that you should know and agree upon the qualities said future husband or wife will have.......and have attraction towards them.... but it shouldnt be based on natural desires but emotional and spiritual desires.......is the person you will marry going to be "cute " in 50 years....lol no.... but they will have the same qualities that you married them for and so it should be these qualties that a person marries for.........

you have to look ahead... are you agreed upon all the important things in life...... if so and this is the type of person with the type of personality that is good for you then you should marry..... if not say no i do not wish to know you any further and leave....... no problem no one gets hurt.......

this type of marriage is not arranged nor a love marriage but one with islamic values at its core......

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iv tried love, dont think any couple did as much as we did, turned out unsuccessful, i asked a marji he said

arranged is much better, Allah gives your parents inspiration to chose the right person for you

iv tried love, dont think any couple did as much as we did, turned out unsuccessful, i asked a marji he said

arranged is much better, Allah gives your parents inspiration to chose the right person for you

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hehehe is this a love song? Perhaps you should finish it... start a new thread. :)

iv tried love, dont think any couple did as much as we did, turned out unsuccessful, i asked a marji he said

arranged is much better, Allah gives your parents inspiration to chose the right person for you

iv tried love, dont think any couple did as much as we did, turned out unsuccessful, i asked a marji he said

arranged is much better, Allah gives your parents inspiration to chose the right person for you

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I'll go for the one, which will give me a better partner :). btw my Parents won't mind if I would wanna marry someone of my choice. but I'll go for the arranged one probably, coz my mom knows wat kinda people I like.

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Heh neither! Lol. Well, if it has to be done, I think I'd prefer some sense of familiarity before going into a life-long commitment. At the same time, my mum knows me and surely she would pick people that she thinks are good for me. The woman's only been with me all my life xD so she must know at least some of my likes/dislikes. Love marriage is a nice idea but the cynic in me rejects it as being too sentimental. First comes respect and understanding and compromises and then comes love in my opinion.

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Imams say love comes after marraige, which is good, extra protection :)

say i was too much in love with this girl i am aboout to marry, then suddenly we break-up or for some reason it dosent happen , i would stay devistated

if love is after marraige, its worth the devistation if anything goes wrong because you were once married, i dunno if this makes any sense at all :P

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Imams say love comes after marraige, which is good, extra protection :)

say i was too much in love with this girl i am aboout to marry, then suddenly we break-up or for some reason it dosent happen , i would stay devistated

if love is after marraige, its worth the devistation if anything goes wrong because you were once married, i dunno if this makes any sense at all :P

(salam) ,

Yeh I've heard that hadith too.

My parents used to be all for arranged marriages and they kept telling me that they would pick a nice girl for me blah blah lol.

But now my mom has a whatever attitude and she said I can marry anyone I want and then reveal her to my parents. Naaice...ahh laiike..

That being said, I would defiinitely get my parents' input when picking a spouse inshallah.

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My parents are very indifferent on this matter. If i dont find one in a yr or so, they will arrange me with a girl of their choice.

So, my first choice is love marriage.

Edited by dan_rafi

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Love marriage. Unless an adult is completely incompetent and can't decide for himself/herself what's good for him/her, then I guess they could go with arranged marriage. But seriously, if you get to know someone and they are good Muslim, is it that difficult? You don't need parents to figure out their background or about their life lol...

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I know......nothing beats the excitement, suspense and thrill of an arranged marriage :D

Even the love birds should keep a bit of a distance and have their marriage arranged by parents/guardians......I think its more fun like that.......

(salam)

are you kiddinggg me

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definitely arranged! much safer..

when ur parents arrange a marriage for u they look in to the person's backgrd, his/her family backgrd, etc etc.. so it's much safer i guess..

--------------------

- "The most ignorant of those who are ignorant is the one who trips over the same stone twice" - Imam Ali (A.S.)

If it is arranged, there should be a period of temporary marriage(Mutah) with parents permission, before you enter into a permanent marriage.

If it is love marraige(not lust), I mean knowing the person well since a long time(not necessary that you do something haram), when you feel the attraction a temporary marraige before a permanent one is better.

This is life, you can't be gambling or playing around and then opting for things like divorce. In such instances, where both parties stand to benefit, Allah has introduced the Mutah clause.

I have seen big mistakes in arranged marraiges, and not as many in love marriges, so its just better to know a person, your parents also wouldn't know someone as well if they get you married, they take the same risk as you do, then don't blame them if you did not have initiative enough to know your partner.

What your parents see is the prospective spouses family, money, religious and cultural background and the like, but trust me, these are all external things. You might find your views matching in 2 meetings and in the third meeting you might find that you disagree on something major. "better to be safe than sorry"

Finally, its all a risk, but a lesser risk taken is better to avoid bad repurcussions.

check this link 'http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=234941503&pid=1599391&st=0entry1599391' RARE BUT TRUE, RESULT OF AN ARRANGED MARRAIGE"

Sorry, for the long reply, but have seen too many pathetic marraiges and hurts to see people not taking any initiative for their own lives.

Edited by Hopeful

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What's the definition of "arranged"? If a friend of mine says "I know this hot chick you might wanna meet" and I agree to meet her, is that arranged? Because that's often how people meet.

The scenario of eyeing up some random girl in a coffee shop then bumping into her again in the elevator of the 33rd floor of the some hotel you happen to be both be staying in is nice chick-flick material but is a little too dramatic for real life.

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definatly Arranged

Coz that way if it doesnt work out its not our own fault.. and the parents cant say i told u so LOL

nah but our parets have always known whats best for us... so we should trust them with things like these

Ya AlI madad

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