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How Should I Tell Her

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(salam) ,

There is a sister I have known for a while that I have considered as a potential wife for some time. She has all the traits i am looking for; modesty, friendliness, kindness, religiousness, etc. I would really like to move a step ahead with this sister. I am 20 years old, and she is 19.

Should i have her friend that we both know really well tell her how i feel about this, should i say this to her directly, or is it perhaps best to wait for a more opportune time before i let her know. I have known her for well over a year, and I see the sister nearly everyday (school, mosque, events, etc) however, I do not wish to make things uncomfortable between us should i say something to her as of now. I do not know her parents, nor do our parents know each other, nor does she have an older sibling I may talk to. So how should I approach this?

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You need to obtain her parent's contact information. Perhaps you can get a mutual, trusted Muslim friend to obtain the information. It's going to become uncomfortable whatever route you go, whether through parents or telling her directly, but that's a risk you have to take. If the Muslim friend requests her parent's information by saying that a brother (and I'm sure she'll ask who) is interested in marrying her, she can refuse to give the information if she is not interested, and then it will be the end of that.

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There is a sister I have known for a while that I have considered as a potential wife for some time. She has all the traits i am looking for; modesty, friendliness, kindness, religiousness, etc. I would really like to move a step ahead with this sister.

^ i'd say that's a good start :)

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dude if u listen to babybeaver and go on a full all out search for this MUTUAL freind, it might be too late

next thing u find this MUTUAL freind, and it turns out that THIS MUTUAL freind has ALREADY PROPOSED to ur ( WAS SOOON TO BE WIFEY )

next thinggg

ur back on sc

after 2 weeks

going

OH Allah

the heavens have shaken

OH Lord

what blashamy

im so broke

*HEART BROKEEE

brothers and sisters on sc please tell me what I can do now, shes gone, ohhhhhhhhh sweeet heavens what did i DOOO to deserve this.. FOR STARTERS U WERE A COMPLETE WUSS.......... shes taken, all because i was such a wuss and I went on a MUTAL FREIND hunt

point is holmes, be a man n photoshop a pic of u n her together in a wedding ceremoney

and send her an email with the photo attached and a notice saying in an attempt to regain ur lost memory

thats not a good idea, itll take too long

i say buy a cheap ring from the dollar store, these sisters give in so easy and go around signing countless nikkah contracts over 50 cent weddin rings

FORGET THAT ALL TOGETHER JUS go and tell her quicktimes homie

Edited by Mohammmad

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dude if u listen to babybeaver and go on a full all out search for this MUTUAL freind, it might be too late

next thing u find this MUTUAL freind, and it turns out that THIS MUTUAL freind has ALREADY PROPOSED to ur ( WAS SOOON TO BE WIFEY )

next thinggg

ur back on sc

after 2 weeks

going

OH Allah

the heavens have shaken

OH Lord

what blashamy

im so broke

*HEART BROKEEE

brothers and sisters on sc please tell me what I can do now, shes gone, ohhhhhhhhh sweeet heavens what did i DOOO to deserve this.. FOR STARTERS U WERE A COMPLETE WUSS.......... shes taken, all because i was such a wuss and I went on a MUTAL FREIND hunt

point is holmes, be a man n photoshop a pic of u n her together in a wedding ceremoney

and send her an email with the photo attached and a notice saying in an attempt to regain ur lost memory

thats not a good idea, itll take too long

i say buy a cheap ring from the dollar store, these sisters give in so easy and go around signing countless nikkah contracts over 50 cent weddin rings

FORGET THAT ALL TOGETHER JUS go and tell her quicktimes homie

Hahaha, ok, whatever you say :lol:

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^It's not quite that simple. His parents don't know her parents.

I didn't think of this before, but maybe you can use the social grapevine to get your parents in contact with each other. I'm sure they have a mutual friend. That would be optimal. It will take some effort (some inquiries about her parents), but this would actually be the best way.

Edited by BabyBeaverIsAKit

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(salam) ,

There is a sister I have known for a while that I have considered as a potential wife for some time. She has all the traits i am looking for; modesty, friendliness, kindness, religiousness, etc. I would really like to move a step ahead with this sister. I am 20 years old, and she is 19.

(salam)

Move a step ahead ? as in ... ?

Should i have her friend that we both know really well tell her how i feel about this, should i say this to her directly, or is it perhaps best to wait for a more opportune time before i let her know. I have known her for well over a year, and I see the sister nearly everyday (school, mosque, events, etc) however, I do not wish to make things uncomfortable between us should i say something to her as of now. I do not know her parents, nor do our parents know each other, nor does she have an older sibling I may talk to. So how should I approach this?

If you know her through mosques and events, hopefully your mother/sister ( any other female member of the family ) may know little about her too. Even if they don't, women are more comfortable discussing these topics. They can use third parties ( annoying aunties e.t.c ) to get to know each other and then discuss their intention, casually in the beginning and see how they go.

Men in your family can avail the presence of community heads, well known respectable members of community or scholars :) Best of luck.

p.s You might want to make sure, initially, that your parents are convinced and confident enough to speak on your behalf. Like for example, your commitment to career, good marks in school/uni, and other ways of helpful participation in the house so they can see your sense of responsibility.

Fi-Amanillah

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I don't know what is traditional in your culture, but if I were a young girl and had a male friend, I'd want him to ask me how I felt about marrying him before he went to friends or parents. That way, if I were not interested or felt ready, he wouldn't have potentially embarrassed himself and put himself in awkward situations. Then, if I were interested, I'd help him to get into contact with my parents. And if I were not interested, his secret would be safe with me, nobody has any reason to feel embarrassed.

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O

go upto her dad and be like

yo sir

i want ur beti

uve got two options

either u send her to me

or ill just take her

yo sir i respect u

balls in ur court, n theres noway out but through me

oh ya im sure hes gnna give her to you (gangsta) 100%%% with that talk..

i think you should just tell her how you feel.. i mean who knows, she could like u too :D

Dont tell her friend to tell her.. cuz its better if she hears it from you!!

Then maybe you can tell her that ur thinking bout seeing her father or sumfin..

If your "scared" then just wait a bit.. take sum time to figure out exactly how u feel towards her..

otherwise go ahead.. TELL HER YOU LOOOVE HER ! :blush:

p.s. plz dont talk all "Yo sir i waana ur dootaa ..she so haaat" aint gnna lead u anywhere but HELL! :shaytan:

lol tc and good luck.. im sure ull be with her soon :Hijabi: :Hijabi:

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(salam) ,

There is a sister I have known for a while that I have considered as a potential wife for some time. She has all the traits i am looking for; modesty, friendliness, kindness, religiousness, etc. I would really like to move a step ahead with this sister. I am 20 years old, and she is 19.

Should i have her friend that we both know really well tell her how i feel about this, should i say this to her directly, or is it perhaps best to wait for a more opportune time before i let her know. I have known her for well over a year, and I see the sister nearly everyday (school, mosque, events, etc) however, I do not wish to make things uncomfortable between us should i say something to her as of now. I do not know her parents, nor do our parents know each other, nor does she have an older sibling I may talk to. So how should I approach this?

bro dont use " sister " for her now. it looks odd here.

and do not try to touch the " live wire", mostly the Shia Muslim religious girls (who put on hijab e Fatimi ) are conservative as they should be. So she would not like it if u approach her personally.

Edited by Director

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Bro......the most suitable thing is to go to her dad.......rather than to a friend... who may like wana marry her instead himself.......so like yehh u go for it ureself, no need for a messenger......if u really want to marry her....u wouldnt wait around for this and that untill obstacles come in ure way and u jus end up like the 3/4 of people here on shiachat 'heartbroken'......so like get ure act together and jus do everything quick......this not the time to think of alternative ways to approach her.

Edited by Tears of Karbala

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So many people so many answers, you'd land yourself in turmoil.............Believe me!!!

The best is either you personally decide or let the time decide, you may ask help from your mother although.

I think this would work for you: Take care to get what you love, or you'll be forced to love what you get.

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so many answers and turmoil?^ including ures....

Petty sure! it wont lend him in trouble if he takes help from his mother, mothers are just for the same reason just to get help, he's having a well with him ( his mother) yet he's asking for water everywhere!

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so many answers and turmoil?^ including ures....

hey bro zoomzoom.....jus relax and read everyones post with a cooled out mind....think positively....and make a move

best solution....DIL KEE SUNO...."lissen to wat ure heart says...and go for it!!!"..m serios....be ureself...and wat others say mite help...but dont u think u should deal it ure way...if "khuda na khwasata" things go wrong u shld not hav nay regrets then...dont worry..things will b fine...

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Tell us how it turns out! We can all learn from the outcome of whichever method you use. (Or, just PM me with the result because I would like to know, I'm rooting for you two!)

^^ Agreed!!

Let us know how it turns out so some of us can use it as a reference in the future inshallah lol! I wish you the best and I hope things work out between u and the muslimah.

(wasalam)

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go upto her dad and be like

yo sir

i want ur beti

uve got two options

either u send her to me

or ill just take her

yo sir i respect u

balls in ur court, n theres noway out but through me

Dont say the bold text to girl's father otherwise u will be kicked out in no time LOL!

LOL @ i want ur beti! -- HOLLA! -- u r talking about someone beti not some candy :squeez:

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salaam

Bro, if you talk to her or have any sort of contact with her urself, then tell her how you feel yourself. If you guys barely talk etc, and you know a friend of hers (who's also a girl), then tell that friend you are interested and if she could find out if she would be interested as well, and then exchange contact information. Get her family's info and have ur family contact them and u guys can go from there (btw, do speak to your parents before you initiate anything with her, and see how they feel...who knows, maybe they do know the family, or have a mutual friend etc..).

good luck :)

wasalaams

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go upto her dad and be like

yo sir

i want ur beti

uve got two options

either u send her to me

or ill just take her

yo sir i respect u

balls in ur court, n theres noway out but through me

yar bachay ko marwana may koe kasar mat chorna. sharam karo wo mashwaro mangraha hay or tum usko pitwanay ka soch rahay ho

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Consult the girl first.

What if you go up to her father and asking him when you don't even know if the girl feels the same way about you??

Tell her first and if she does share the same feelings, then take the next step and ask her father...will make problems way simpler

andd

since you've known her for quite awhile and she meets all you're expectations...then go for it bro :)

oh and if you do, good luck!

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786

----

(salam)

(salam) ,

There is a sister I have known for a while that I have considered as a potential wife for some time. She has all the traits i am looking for; modesty, friendliness, kindness, religiousness, etc. I would really like to move a step ahead with this sister. I am 20 years old, and she is 19.

Should i have her friend that we both know really well tell her how i feel about this, should i say this to her directly, or is it perhaps best to wait for a more opportune time before i let her know. I have known her for well over a year, and I see the sister nearly everyday (school, mosque, events, etc) however, I do not wish to make things uncomfortable between us should i say something to her as of now. I do not know her parents, nor do our parents know each other, nor does she have an older sibling I may talk to. So how should I approach this?

You may want to consider doing an istekhara (or having it done by a molana or alim, or someone who has experience with doing istekharas) as that helps greatly. Before I was about to be introduced to my now-husband through college friend's family, I did an istekhara if I should meet him (my intention was ''I want to meet the guy whom my friend has suggested for me to marry'') and the ikhekhara came out HUKM (means do it). Later my college friend and her family brought him to a restaurant where we met for the first time.

My friend and her mother took the initiative of introducing me to him because my mother use to turn away all decent proposals, I'll link you to a thread where you can read the details if you wish.

Anyway I wanted to point out the importance of Istekhara in decision making, you can do an istekhara with the intention ''I want to propose this sister for marriage myself'' or ''I want to propose this sister via parents'' .. or whatever.

Do one istekhara to avoid confusion, go with the intention that is closest to your heart.

Here are the links incase you wanna know more:

Link 1

Link 2

Edited by RehmatGul

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You seem to be having a good head on your shoulders lol..mashaAllah its good that at such a young age you are looking to get married to someone who you seem to have chosen using the right criteria.

Okay for starters..DONT go directly to the girl...especially if you are from a desi background...because the girl may find it really awkward and it would probably have a negative effect on her. If not, then it would have a negative effect on her parents once they find out..since majority of the people from such a culture would consider it innappropriate to go to the girl directly without the parents consent.

best way to do it is get someone mutual to form a link between the families..or also you could use somebody elderly and trustworthy from your community.

But as Mo said..whatever you do..do it quick lol!

Also pray to Allah (swt) for whatever is kheyr. Because..we plan and he plans better. He is the only one who knows what is best for us.

Good luck

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