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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Emooni

What Puts You Off Marrying Someone The Most?

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All I am saying is: give her a chance in person. Photographs do not represent beauty as well as many think, so the boy should at least meet the girl one or two times BEFORE rejecting her. Photographs can make some people appear more beautiful than they actually are, or they can uglify them.

If he isn't attracted to her AT ALL, why give it a shot?

Besides if a girl constantly gets rejected cuz of her photo(s), how about meeting up with the suitors?, instead of exchanging photos.

It's not that way for me. People become more or less attractive as I get to know them. At times I have found that men that did not seem so attractive initially became very attractive to me as I began to see their beautiful soul, and some men I initially found very attractive became ugly to me as I saw how egocentric they are.

"So" is the keyword here. You didn't find them <ugly>, just not so attractive. In this case, yep I'd have to agree, attraction can grow.

But saying a guy you find bad-looking will light your fire is bs sweetheart.

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If he isn't attracted to her AT ALL, why give it a shot?

Besides if a girl constantly gets rejected cuz of her photo(s), how about meeting up with the suitors?, instead of exchanging photos.

Correct on both counts

"So" is the keyword here. You didn't find them <ugly>, just not so attractive. In this case, yep I'd have to agree, attraction can grow.

But saying a guy you find bad-looking will light your fire is bs sweetheart.

Wow. Worldly wise words from a young one for a mature sister

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Rubiyat Whats worng iwth a woman not being a virgin? You mean not vrgin cuz of Zina or marriage? Even if it was Zina, if she has sincerely repented then no probz or if she did it while she was a non Muslim or she didnt know it was haram or soemthing.

Brother i hate to tell u but when a girl who is virgin and has sex outside of marriage she is damned to the hell forever since it is among the greatest sins of mankind

as for a married and divorced women, i cant be with her..its not haram

i am a virgin in a shaiatan society where everything evolves around sex

and i would like my wife to be one too

Edited by Rubaiyat

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If he isn't attracted to her AT ALL, why give it a shot?

Besides if a girl constantly gets rejected cuz of her photo(s), how about meeting up with the suitors?, instead of exchanging photos.

That's easier said than done in our society, unfortunately. Trust me, I have tried to change this in every opportunity that I have gotten, whether it be in the case of showing a girl to a relative, showing a girl to a family friend, or even in the case of myself.

Edited by BabyBeaverIsAKit

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Brother i hate to tell u but when a girl who is virgin and has sex outside of marriage she is damned to the hell forever since it is among the greatest sins of mankind

That sounds dangerously like a FATWA, something YOU aren't qualified to pronounce, or am I mistaken?

as for a married and divorced women, i cant be with her..its not haram

i am a virgin in a shaiatan society where everything evolves around sex

and i would like my wife to be one too

What about a girl/woman who has been raped. She is no longer a virgin, but she didn't lose her virginity of her free will.

What are your ahkaam for her?

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(salam)

i voted not religious, because most of the options you put up there

fall under not religious. like:cheating,bad hygiene,greedy ect, if the person

was religious they would not do things like that

(wasalam)

^ exactly what i was thinking!

i'm not talking about stereotypical religiousness confined to the prayer mat but religiousness which encompasses every aspect of one's life.

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Brother i hate to tell u but when a girl who is virgin and has sex outside of marriage she is damned to the hell forever since it is among the greatest sins of mankind

Subhanallah.

Subhanallah.

Subhanallah.

May God grant me the patience to deal with difficult people.

One of the mods (God love her) has been giving me a hard time lately about speaking too harshly to people who have it coming, so I won't give you the tongue lashing you deserve.

But let me just say that if ignorance were money, the ummah could feed the world on the khums due for this statement alone.

as for a married and divorced women, i cant be with her..its not haram

I understand. I guess you think you're better than the prophet (saws) then. I can understand that. Why would you sully yourself by stooping to the level of his sunnah?

i am a virgin in a shaiatan society where everything evolves around sex

and i would like my wife to be one too

And she'll be a virgin with you a grand total of ... once.

Yeah.

Edited by kadhim

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Subhanallah.

Subhanallah.

Subhanallah.

May God grant me the patience to deal with difficult people.

One of the mods (God love her) has been giving me a hard time lately about speaking too harshly to people who have it coming, so I won't give you the tongue lashing you deserve.

But let me just say that if ignorance were money, the ummah could feed the world on the khums due for this statement alone.

Hm, seems some people will agree with any woman just for some attention, dont worry, you can "tongue lash me" all you like

Rawshni i am not judging people, my views are from the islamic history where the Prophet encouraged virginity until marriage and the islamic society and law

Because something is Sounna does not mean we are forced to marry women who are non virgins. It is a personal preference

In an Islamic state and court

The woman who has sex outside of marriage is either damned to the hell or

-Lashed

-Stoned

the latter if she is married

you dont need to be a supreme scholar to know these things, they are known facts and not only within shiism but among the mainstream sects there is no difference really on this subject

It seems rawshni you have a hard time that i am ecouraging youth here to stay virgins until they are married

Are you against this? Or are you just out to get a reaction

Edited by Rubaiyat

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In an Islamic state and court

The woman who has sex outside of marriage is either damned to the hell or

-Lashed

-Stoned

i think the objection is that you are restricting that to women. men and women face the same punishment.

also, only god knows who goes to hell. "inna allaha yaghfirul aldhunuba jami'an" Allah has promised His forgiveness to people who seek it and only He knows to whom He will grant it. we are all sinners in one way or another. some people may have sexual sins and some people may have other sins. even if we have not committed zina, we should not feel secure from Hell.

It seems rawshni you have a hard time that i am ecouraging youth here to stay virgins until they are married

let's be realistic here. we all know that there is an obsession with girls' virginity nowdays in islamic culture. where did that come from? was the prophet constantly lecturing people "be a virgin or you will die in shame"? did he go around inquiring about girls' virginity? did he stop a marriage because the lady was not a virgin?

on the contrary, virginity was not nearly as much of an issue in society in the early times of islam. many women did remarry in their lifetimes due to the fact that men were killed so often in battle. it wasn't a society where only a virgin girl can marry. and look how society has changed.

it's degrading to women to have such a focus on their virginity (whcih, as kadhim mentioned, is a one-time matter). a woman's honor is not in her hymen. it is in her akhlaq and her intellect. we all know how hard it is for divorced or widowed women to remarry because of this stigma. so repeating these ideas perpetuates an injustice against women.

yes, of course we want people - men AND women - to remain chaste until marriage. this is what islam teaches. but does that excuse a double standard? why only the focus on female virginity?

additionally, there are plenty of victims of rape and abuse in the world. why punish someone twice for something they have already suffered once for.

you mentioned that you have maintained your chastity. i think it is appropriate for a young man who has remained chaste to seek a woman who has remained chaste. however, there is no need to go around saying that girls are going to go to hell especially beacuse i cannot think of a hadith where the prophet said, word for word, "girls who lose their virginity before marriage will go to hell". he was sent as a mercy to mankind not just to watch over young girls. it's enough to say that premarital relations are haraam, and the rest is with god.

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Couple things for me:

1. Non-religious- It would be such a huge conflict everyday in the household...ideals collide and this is really against Islam anyway.

2. Women who want you to be a doctor, engineer, lawyer, ph.D, etc in order to marry you.

3. Women who are more concerned about materialistic things than what really matters.

4. Faking being religious

5. Hypocrite

6. Feminism

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"So" is the keyword here. You didn't find them <ugly>, just not so attractive. In this case, yep I'd have to agree, attraction can grow.

But saying a guy you find bad-looking will light your fire is bs sweetheart.

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guys who are after your british passport more than anything else

wow sister u have a british passport???? ur sooo cool !!!! oh my god sister r u single? ooo u rock big time :blush:

Edited by Akbar007

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I think almost all the things in that list would make me say no.

Also:

air-head (you need to be able to have a conversation right?)

not virgin

doesn't want kids (because I want kids)

EDIT: oh yes, taller than me. Definate no-no (though this isn't likely to arise in practice).

Edited by Dirac Delta function

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i think the objection is that you are restricting that to women. men and women face the same punishment.

also, only god knows who goes to hell. "inna allaha yaghfirul aldhunuba jami'an" Allah has promised His forgiveness to people who seek it and only He knows to whom He will grant it. we are all sinners in one way or another. some people may have sexual sins and some people may have other sins. even if we have not committed zina, we should not feel secure from Hell.

let's be realistic here. we all know that there is an obsession with girls' virginity nowdays in islamic culture. where did that come from? was the prophet constantly lecturing people "be a virgin or you will die in shame"? did he go around inquiring about girls' virginity? did he stop a marriage because the lady was not a virgin?

on the contrary, virginity was not nearly as much of an issue in society in the early times of islam. many women did remarry in their lifetimes due to the fact that men were killed so often in battle. it wasn't a society where only a virgin girl can marry. and look how society has changed.

it's degrading to women to have such a focus on their virginity (whcih, as kadhim mentioned, is a one-time matter). a woman's honor is not in her hymen. it is in her akhlaq and her intellect. we all know how hard it is for divorced or widowed women to remarry because of this stigma. so repeating these ideas perpetuates an injustice against women.

yes, of course we want people - men AND women - to remain chaste until marriage. this is what islam teaches. but does that excuse a double standard? why only the focus on female virginity?

additionally, there are plenty of victims of rape and abuse in the world. why punish someone twice for something they have already suffered once for.

you mentioned that you have maintained your chastity. i think it is appropriate for a young man who has remained chaste to seek a woman who has remained chaste. however, there is no need to go around saying that girls are going to go to hell especially beacuse i cannot think of a hadith where the prophet said, word for word, "girls who lose their virginity before marriage will go to hell". he was sent as a mercy to mankind not just to watch over young girls. it's enough to say that premarital relations are haraam, and the rest is with god.

Hmm. Yes, I hadn't even noticed the doublestandard being applied with regards to gender, but I agree.

There's also the matter of trying to pin down what exactly is meant by "virginity." It's part of the complexity of the questions of "what is sex?" and "what is sexuality?" It's a more complex concept than is really usually acknowledged. You have Muslim girls who have not had intercourse, but who wear tight clothes and flirt at every opportunity, likewise Muslim boys who dress up and flirt. You have Christian girls in the US who sign "virginity pledges" and then search for loopholes like scheming lawyers, concluding that even if they give oral favors to their boyfriends (and in our equal opportunity society, receive such favors from their boyfriends as well) then they're still "technically a virgin," because there was "no penetration," and therefore, no sex.

I much prefer the thinking of some more progressive sex educators, who see virginity as more of a state of mind than of body, and who understand that the process of becoming a sexual being is a continuous process rather than a one off event, an on-off switch.

Also, my understanding is that Islam, and God are more focussed on where we are and where we're going than where we've been. If we turn to cleanness after dirty living, then it is the present state and bearing that are important. No one has the right to beat someone over the head for past mistaken actions that the person has since abandoned and rejected.

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Guest Dialectician
yes, of course we want people - men AND women - to remain chaste until marriage. this is what islam teaches. but does that excuse a double standard? why only the focus on female virginity?

.... because its more sensational to discuss female virginity... :squeez:

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If the man isn't a virgin! any loose charactered men-- who socialize with non-mahrems either online or offline and take their conversation from public to private are 'loose' male-prostitutes! YES! Two can play this game! I want a virgin husband who has not spoken or seen a non-mahrem woman in his life. OH YES! LOL

Edited by hippiehijabi

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Hmm. Yes, I hadn't even noticed the doublestandard being applied with regards to gender, but I agree.

There's also the matter of trying to pin down what exactly is meant by "virginity." It's part of the complexity of the questions of "what is sex?" and "what is sexuality?" It's a more complex concept than is really usually acknowledged. You have Muslim girls who have not had intercourse, but who wear tight clothes and flirt at every opportunity, likewise Muslim boys who dress up and flirt. You have Christian girls in the US who sign "virginity pledges" and then search for loopholes like scheming lawyers, concluding that even if they give oral favors to their boyfriends (and in our equal opportunity society, receive such favors from their boyfriends as well) then they're still "technically a virgin," because there was "no penetration," and therefore, no sex.

I much prefer the thinking of some more progressive sex educators, who see virginity as more of a state of mind than of body, and who understand that the process of becoming a sexual being is a continuous process rather than a one off event, an on-off switch.

Also, my understanding is that Islam, and God are more focussed on where we are and where we're going than where we've been. If we turn to cleanness after dirty living, then it is the present state and bearing that are important. No one has the right to beat someone over the head for past mistaken actions that the person has since abandoned and rejected.

Words of wisdom brother. reminds me of my ex who said he didn't cheat, using the "bill clinton" excuse.

and straying a bit, why would a woman who has never committed adultery nor fornificated be considered as less worthy than a virgin if she has only been sexual with a former husband? makes no sense to me. if anything, it is much more difficult to remain chaste when one has experienced sex.

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