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Dr.mush

My Aunt Is Mad At Me

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(salam)

Ok i just found out that my aunt is mad at me

here is the story and please tell me if i was wrong and should ask for forgiveness or she should not be mad...

Ok i was over my familys house, and my aunt was there (my mums sister)

she asked me if i can call this company for her about her account, this is not the first time she asks me to do this favor for her and this is not the first time i do it for her.

Well this time when she asked me if i can call for her, I was just fed up because she has 3 duaghters that can do this for, so why does she always ask me, just because im a polite and innocent girl and do MANY things for people, well this time i did not want to do it for her

so i raised my voice, not yelling or screaming, i just raised my voice and told her "Omg, how about your daughters, ask them" Its not that hard!

ok i didnt think she was mad at that time but when i called my cousin today, she told me that her mom was mad at me because it was unnessary for me to raise my voice like that at her

so now i am guessing she made me look bad in front of her family cause she has been talking about it

well ok, so who is the guilty one here...please tell me honestly

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just because im a polite and innocent girl and do MANY things for people, well this time i did not want to do it for her

so i raised my voice, not yelling or screaming, i just raised my voice and told her "Omg, how about your daughters, ask them" Its not that hard!

ok i didnt think she was mad at that time but when i called my cousin today, she told me that her mom was mad at me because it was unnessary for me to raise my voice like that at her

well i wud say, this isnt the best way to talk to elders, well i think both sides are mistaking but u shud've done it any way or make some other excuse rather than saying ask ur daughters

anyways, even if it isnt ur fault u shud say sorry to her anyway

oh and this is just my opinion, if u dont like it thts fine!!!

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Guest *~Mrs Power~*
(salam)

Ok i just found out that my aunt is mad at me

here is the story and please tell me if i was wrong and should ask for forgiveness or she should not be mad...

Ok i was over my familys house, and my aunt was there (my mums sister)

she asked me if i can call this company for her about her account, this is not the first time she asks me to do this favor for her and this is not the first time i do it for her.

Well this time when she asked me if i can call for her, I was just fed up because she has 3 duaghters that can do this for, so why does she always ask me, just because im a polite and innocent girl and do MANY things for people, well this time i did not want to do it for her

so i raised my voice, not yelling or screaming, i just raised my voice and told her "Omg, how about your daughters, ask them" Its not that hard!

ok i didnt think she was mad at that time but when i called my cousin today, she told me that her mom was mad at me because it was unnessary for me to raise my voice like that at her

so now i am guessing she made me look bad in front of her family cause she has been talking about it

well ok, so who is the guilty one here...please tell me honestly

(salam)

Sis, i know how you must be feeling, it happens. But, i honestly feel, that you should apologise. As if you didnt wanted to do it, than you should have said it in a polite manner. Please dont get me wrong, i understand how you feel, but just to make things right, you should say sorry, as it doesnt matter.

You can tell her in a nice way, that you didnt wanted to do it, and coz she ask you do it it everytime, you got furious, ask her to forgive you and just be normal than. :)

The thing you said in annoyance can be said in another way when you apologise :)

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Salam,

Sister I think you should firstly apologize. She probably never expected that kind of reaction from you in the first place, mainly because you've done her the favour more than once (which may be part of the problem). She will probably be understanding once you explain to her why you didn't want to do it. Getting you, as her neice, to phone about a private matter like an account makes it clear that she trusts you. Now that the matter is open in your family it's best to aplogize to try and mend things. She is your elder and you don't want you and your cousins family to be on bad terms. She may avoid you and tell her daughters that she is mad at you, but it is a mature thing to do to step up and show her that you care about your family more than to hold a grudge. Best of luck, InshaAllah things will be worked out between you two.

Wasalam

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I know where you are coming from sis, because people do tend to take for granted a good natured person, but I agree with the other sisters. I see nothing wrong with you telling her how you feel, but just in a nicer manner. Like I would have said something like "OK, I will call for you Auntie, but do you think you might be able to get one of your daughters to do this in the future?"

If your Auntie is a good lady, I am sure she will forgive you, she probably just has her feelings hurt and has grown accustomed to counting on you (which we have to take some of the responsibility for that as well because I allow people to do it to me too). I would explain to her that you made a mistake with your tone, but you feel her daughters would be in a better position to handle her business in the future.

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so i raised my voice, not yelling or screaming, i just raised my voice and told her "Omg, how about your daughters, ask them" Its not that hard!

Islamically, you are not permitted to raise your voice to anyone - young or old. In exceptional circumstances perhaps, but your excuse does not qualify as being exceptional.

How do you know why she does not ask her own children for help ? May be she trusts you more.

In any case, what you did was quite wrong. How you go about undoing the damage is for you to work out.

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Salaam

Its funny how only women get into problems like this

now bro, i wouldn't say that at all. the most offensive things that have ever been said to me have been by men.

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(salam)

I will not go into who's mistake it was until something is cleared. She has been telling HER say husband, daughters only or the whole family? If later is the case then she should have not done that. If she only mentioned that in front of her daughters and basically people living in HER house, I'll take that as normal.

See, when you like someone and the person says something which hurts you. There are people who will stay quite about it but then there are people who will talk to people close to them about it. Not like the whole family but their daughter etc. I mean it's just like out of sadness not to make you bad in front of them.

Plus, I have been through such times a lot. When you are not thanked for the good you do to a person but as soon as you do something which the person considers bad, you get every possible opposition from them, they like just forget all good you did with them. This behavior of such people should be changed by them.

Wa'Salam.

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(salam)

I will not go into who's mistake it was until something is cleared. She has been telling HER say husband, daughters only or the whole family? If later is the case then she should have not done that. If she only mentioned that in front of her daughters and basically people living in HER house, I'll take that as normal.

See, when you like someone and the person says something which hurts you. There are people who will stay quite about it but then there are people who will talk to people close to them about it. Not like the whole family but their daughter etc. I mean it's just like out of sadness not to make you bad in front of them.

Plus, I have been through such times a lot. When you are not thanked for the good you do to a person but as soon as you do something which the person considers bad, you get every possible opposition from them, they like just forget all good you did with them. This behavior of such people should be changed by them.

Wa'Salam.

very good points brother

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(salam)

thanks guys for ur responses

i think the reason why i raised my voice was two reasons:

well one time while i was calling for her, i was in her duaghters bedroom cause i came to do homeowork really quickly then leave, ok then after a few minutes while i was on the phone with the company, her duaghter (kind of in a rude way) was like "come on guys finish, get out, i want to sleep." ok i really got offended because I WAS LIKE HELLO, YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME FOR TAKING THIS BURDEN OFF YOUR SHOULDER, IM DOING YOU A FAVOR." cause she doesnt have to call for her mom, i do. and this was the same one that told me that her mom was mad at me, i really thought of her actions rude because i thought she understood my position, i mean i thought her daughters would be embarrassed (embarrassed becuz it shows that they aint doing nothing for thier mom when they should be) and instead of telling me that thier mom was mad at me, they shouldnt even say anything

the other reason was becasue my hubby one time taught me to be strong not a weak person, cause i am very weak in front of ppl, i let ppl boss me around, so that moment i thought i was being strong, instead i was a foolish person to raise my voice like to her, i guess i didnt quite understand how i should be strong

anyways, i will be aplogizing on eid to her and ill tell her that from now on, if u need help with calling about ur accounts, etc...ill be here

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(salam)

thanks guys for ur responses

i think the reason why i raised my voice was two reasons:

well one time while i was calling for her, i was in her duaghters bedroom cause i came to do homeowork really quickly then leave, ok then after a few minutes while i was on the phone with the company, her duaghter (kind of in a rude way) was like "come on guys finish, get out, i want to sleep." ok i really got offended because I WAS LIKE HELLO, YOU SHOULD BE THANKING ME FOR TAKING THIS BURDEN OFF YOUR SHOULDER, IM DOING YOU A FAVOR." cause she doesnt have to call for her mom, i do. and this was the same one that told me that her mom was mad at me, i really thought of her actions rude because i thought she understood my position, i mean i thought her daughters would be embarrassed (embarrassed becuz it shows that they aint doing nothing for thier mom when they should be) and instead of telling me that thier mom was mad at me, they shouldnt even say anything

the other reason was becasue my hubby one time taught me to be strong not a weak person, cause i am very weak in front of ppl, i let ppl boss me around, so that moment i thought i was being strong, instead i was a foolish person to raise my voice like to her, i guess i didnt quite understand how i should be strong

anyways, i will be aplogizing on eid to her and ill tell her that from now on, if u need help with calling about ur accounts, etc...ill be here

aaah so really sis it is your cousin who annoyed you, and rightfully so. i think when we are the type of person who just takes bad treatment from others without speaking up, we sometimes become like a time bomb and eventually explode and it is not necessarily that the person we vent that towards is the person we are most upset with, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. i used to do that myself sis until i saw the wisdom in respectfully telling people I was upset by their treatment. Perhaps you are doing what I used to do sis? If so, it is helpful to respectfully speak up so that such anger does not fester inside of us.

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(salam)

Ok i just found out that my aunt is mad at me

here is the story and please tell me if i was wrong and should ask for forgiveness or she should not be mad...

Ok i was over my familys house, and my aunt was there (my mums sister)

she asked me if i can call this company for her about her account, this is not the first time she asks me to do this favor for her and this is not the first time i do it for her.

Well this time when she asked me if i can call for her, I was just fed up because she has 3 duaghters that can do this for, so why does she always ask me, just because im a polite and innocent girl and do MANY things for people, well this time i did not want to do it for her

so i raised my voice, not yelling or screaming, i just raised my voice and told her "Omg, how about your daughters, ask them" Its not that hard!

ok i didnt think she was mad at that time but when i called my cousin today, she told me that her mom was mad at me because it was unnessary for me to raise my voice like that at her

so now i am guessing she made me look bad in front of her family cause she has been talking about it

well ok, so who is the guilty one here...please tell me honestly

salaaumunUlaykum im assuming your intentions were good, but still we should never raise our voice, becuz some that is willing to listen will listen to a soft spoken/low toned person. if they dont listen then i get the point that they may not want to learn.

Edited by gogiison2

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(salam)

Maybe, to her, this was her special bond with you and she didnt realize that you were getting tired of doing this little (but annoying) chore. For her to be mad this long means you probably hurt her feelings :( . It doesnt matter who is "guilty" - she is your elder - I would apologize and take her flowers. :wub:

Edited by Maryaam

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the other reason was becasue my hubby one time taught me to be strong not a weak person, cause i am very weak in front of ppl, i let ppl boss me around, so that moment i thought i was being strong, instead i was a foolish person to raise my voice like to her, i guess i didnt quite understand how i should be strong

anyways, i will be aplogizing on eid to her and ill tell her that from now on, if u need help with calling about ur accounts, etc...ill be here

I think your hubby is right. You should be a strong person. Bur make sure you show your strength in a graceful way.

If your MIL's sister is trying to exploit you, steer clear without being rude.

As for your cousin, if she is rude to you, it may be a separate issue or it may be related. I do not know. Whatever you do or should do, make sure you do not raise your voice or say or do anything unbecoming. At the same time, do not let anyone exploit you.

she is your elder

Elder or younger, one should treat everyone with respect.

we should never raise our voice

Correct.

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(salam)

Sis maybe your aunt has already asked her daughters and got no where. Where it may appear to you that she's taking advantage of your good nature, the truth may be that she has no choice. I would suggest that you get mad with your cousins rather than your aunt. If you are to appologise then appologise to your aunt and explain that you were mad at her daughters not her since they should help their mum in these matters. I think thats what i would do.

ws

Edited by Ishq-e-Batool

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u should have just remained patient and not said anything that could have offended them trust me i get into these sorts of situations when i actually think yh why me? but then i speak to my mum about it tell her to tell who so ever to like stop telling me to do things for example like ure aunty my mum would tell my aunty as a sister and in a more polite why...but by what u've done welll i dont think it was right no wonder she isnt so happy coz obviously she would have thought u were a good girl and now u'v like spoilt it....hmmmmm aunty aunty aunty's :no:

Edited by Tears of Karbala

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Guest blissful223

salam

you can apologise for your behaviour without unconditionally offering to do anything she wants in the future. Part of being strong is knowing that you don't have to be rude when refusing. Personally if I was free and she needed my help I would probably have done it, but if others were free and capable and I felt I was being taken advantage of, I would have made an excuse. saying "omg, how about your daughters, ask them!" is hardly respectful or polite, thats the way you talk to equals or friends and not elders. If you had said "I'm sorry auntie I have a few things to sort out, is there any way one of your daughters can take you?" do you think she would have had the same reaction?

we all slip up sometimes but you should realise, there's no need to get annoyed at a situation like this in the first place, which will lead to you forgetting yourself in the heat of the moment and saying the wrong thing. Just politely apologise the first time she mentions the task and explain you can't do it: but once you've agreed to it, or if you let her keep saying it assuming you have agreed, you're pretty much stuck and shouldn't pull out last-minute or you will cause offence.

best of luck, relatives are tricky

with salam.

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