Job Interview - Hand Shake

[Ibn al-Hussain]

(salam)

So I had an interview today and it was going all fine, she even got down the days I was going to work and timings etc. and at the end when it's done she went for the hand shake, I just said sorry with my hand on my chest and she gave me the weirdest look and I picked up my folder from the desk, everything happened so fast and then she goes okay we'll call you if you get the job and if we don't that means we've selected someone else. My friends that can't even talk properly are working @ that place and I know I killed that interview :dry:.

Then she showed me the "short-cut" way out :dry:.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN THAT SITUATION!? I WON'T EVER GET A JOB IN MY LIFE LIKE THIS?! WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE GAS FOR THE CAR, FOR THE CELL PHONE, I WON'T EVER GET MARRIED?!

[guest 34193]

(salam)

So I had an interview today and it was going all fine, she even got down the days I was going to work and timings etc. and at the end when it's done she went for the hand shake, I just said sorry with my hand on my chest and she gave me the weirdest look and I picked up my folder from the desk, everything happened so fast and then she goes okay we'll call you if you get the job and if we don't that means we've selected someone else. My friends that can't even talk properly are working @ that place and I know I killed that interview :dry:.

Then she showed me the "short-cut" way out :dry:.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN THAT SITUATION!? I WON'T EVER GET A JOB IN MY LIFE LIKE THIS?! WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE GAS FOR THE CAR, FOR THE CELL PHONE, I WON'T EVER GET MARRIED?!

Did you try telling her that in your religion because of modesty/chastity you can't touch her, but that you don't mean any offense? Just pulling out your hand like that and refusing to shake can easily be misinterpreted as a slight over here.

Mind you, I speak as somebody who's flubbed this rather uncomfortable situation up many a time, so I'm not trying to point fingers as such. Just advice to us both of a better way of handling it :-)

[Ibn al-Hussain]

Just advice to us both of a better way of handling it :-)

That's what I need -_- and no I didn't tell her anything, I told you it happened so fast :dry: I got scared :blush:

[Adam++]

(salam)

Did you have to create this thread :P. And don't worry, like you said in retrospect: everyone will get married.

In this situation you accomplished the correct thing. Ma'shallah, your faith was on the line, yet you risked your one opportunity at obtaining the job by living up to your religious standards and refusing to shake hands with this woman - performing a haram act. Not many brothers/sisters (including myself when I was in this situation) had that sense of purity to decline the hand shake with the Ahmedinjed chest-maneuver. Though I did recieve the working position. But, don't let yourself feel down - Allah (swt) has a better reward for you in the hereafter, and will sustain you in his own tremendous ways.

Patience my brother and only time will tell.

Did you try telling her that in your religion because of modesty/chastity you can't touch her, but that you don't mean any offense?

I agree. It's usually misunderstood. You must explain to her your actions before SHE jumps to conclusions.

Edited September 8, 2007 by Wise Muslim

[Ibn al-Hussain]

(salam)

Did you have to create this thread :P.

It's been haunting me the whole day dude :dry:. It's not about what I did was right or wrong, it's about what the heck do I do now, need better ways to get out of this situation in the future -_-. It's not easy to 'explain' it just like that.

Edited September 8, 2007 by Ali_Imran

[guest 34193]

That's what I need -_- and no I didn't tell her anything, I told you it happened so fast :dry: I got scared :blush:

I've sometimes frozen up, mumbled some incoherency and/or just started to shake my head pulling back my hands with my eyes stretched open in a look of "no, no, don't touch me!", so don't feel too bad ;-)

When handled correctly though, you may find that they'll actually apologize to you along the lines of "oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend", to which you can smile and say "oh it's really no problem".

For interviews though, just be prepared from now on. The handshake is pretty much a given, and for some interviewers is key, so either think of something clever to say in advance to handle it better, or even just tell them before the uncomfortable situation creeps in. I seem to remember that's what I did for my current job, worked out fine that way.

[Adam++]

It's been haunting me the whole day dude :dry:.

Like I said brethren, dont worry about it. These types of interview rejections are normal. In fact, you have more to be proud of than ashamed. Khlass, forget about it, move on - seek a new job and Insha'Allah this time it will come to your luck :).

In the future, IF this situation occurs again:

Reject the handshake by pulling the same hand-chest maneuver, BUT this time calmly and politely explain to her your action.

*Hand shake during job interview is a very important part of the successful interview process - so it's a major step to obtaining the job.

Edited September 8, 2007 by Wise Muslim

[Ibn al-Hussain]

Man I wrote a reply and it got deleted :dry: so I'm typing this up again even though I forgot half the stuff I wrote :dry:.

For interviews though, just be prepared from now on. The handshake is pretty much a given, and for some interviewers is key, so either think of something clever to say in advance to handle it better, or even just tell them before the uncomfortable situation creeps in. I seem to remember that's what I did for my current job, worked out fine that way.

Man I was praying it would be a guy but that didn't happen and unfortunately she also happened to be a graduate student from my university. The thing is, I was prepared for this and this is what I had prepared for it, a sorry with the hands on the chest. Next time if this situation comes, what am I supposed to do, this is really all that one can do in this situation besides be a little less nervous when the situation arises, but really after today I've realized it's probably going to be really hard, cuz'. Sure explaining it in some manner might be helpful but, who's going to take care of that look they are going to give you after that?

I'm sure there must be some kind of dua to recite for this situation in terms of job difficulty. Just for the record, Alhamdolillah I'm not in any situation where I'm desperate for a job in terms of moving on in life and I'll be on the streets if I don't find one, it's just a normal case of a student doing a job and gain experience. That screaming in the first post was just sarcasm, I think... -_-.

Next stop, Tim Hortons.

Ali Mahdi, can I give your reference :!!!:.

[Ibn al-Hussain]

This was in the brother's section for a reason :dry:. Honestly. Please move it back -_-!

Edited September 8, 2007 by Ali_Imran

[Adam++]

^Yeah, I don't understand why it's in the marriage forum :!!!:.

Edited September 8, 2007 by Wise Muslim

[fyst]

It's easy, man. Just scratch your right hand close to the base of your pinky with a knife or scissors, and wear a bandage to the interview. Whenever someone tries to shake hands with you, just point to the bandage and say your hand is hurt. If some curious bugger wants to know what happened to your hand you can tell them that you were playing with a knife and scratched it. It's the truth, so you won't be doing anything wrong, and you'll also look macho for saying that you play with knives. Always wear a bandage to interviews, even when you're pretty sure that it'll be a guy interviewing you, because sometimes the secretary also tries to shake your hand.

[shabib_jaisi]

masha Allah bro. u succeeded where so many of us have faltered.. at an interview or a doctors visit or any where else..

May Allah grant enough power nd conviction to others to perform like u

May Allah give u a better job opportunity and help u succeed in it.

[Adam++]

So basically a WHITE lie, fyst. Seems like a clever idea.

Hmm...

Edited September 8, 2007 by Wise Muslim

[dingdong]

ummm PLEEEZ:

can someone make up a short, to the point sentence I can say in these situation? also wont the other person think that these r extremist religious ideas or make a bad impression of your religion?

[Abu_Zahra]

(bismillah)

(salam)

I've heard of people wearing gloves to avoid such situations. Perhaps you could consider this.

[Mystery-*]

ummm PLEEEZ:

can someone make up a short, to the point sentence I can say in these situation? also wont the other person think that these r extremist religious ideas or make a bad impression of your religion?

"Due to Chastity reasons, in my religion, we try to prevent having physical contact with the opposite gender."

Thats what somebody told me to say..

It sounds abit corny, but who knows!!

It could work lol.

Its easier said than done though :squeez:

But Ali_Imran, you did the right thing, and if that means not getting the job, then surely Allah (s.w.t) will reward you with something better. Maybe this job was just not meant to be..

And also, it's experience, so next time this happens, maybe things will go better :)

[BabyBeaverIsAKit]

Just shake hands.

[~Muslima~]

You know how sometimes people wear those leather kind of gloves, well, when you get up like to say thank you and all, you can start putting on some leather gloves and just shake her hand! :P weird idea eh?

Maybe that job wasn't meant for you for some reason. If you don't get something in life it is because Allah may have something better for you. Mash'Allah what you did was really good. May Allah guide you through all your hardships and through your next interview, hehe timmies! oh and by the way trust me you are probably most likely going to get married :) didn't you say your mom has something in store for you this December in Pakistan?? :angel:

Best of luck!! ;)

[Batool]

(salam)

awwww its there loss Ali Imran. I think "I'm sorry I can't shake your hand, I hope you're not offended" said with a smile might lessen the discomfort of the situation.

InshaAllah you'll get a better job.

I know this is going to sound dumb but is it absolutely haraam to shake hands in a business like manner with the intention of securing a decent job?

ws

[strawberry]

530. Question: In some countries it is customary that the person who arrives [at a meeting or an office] will shake hands with all who are present including women, of course, without lustful intention. And if he refuses to shake hands with the women, it would be considered abnormal, and more often than not it would be considered an act of contempt and insult towards the woman. All this would reflect negatively on their view concerning the person. Is it, therefore, permissible to shake hands with women?

Answer: It is not permissible. And the problem should be tackled by not shaking the hands of anyone or by wearing gloves, for example. If this is not possible for the person and he thinks that refusing to shake hands would cause great and unbearable difficulty for him, then it is permissible at that time. All this is based on the assumption that it is necessary for him to attend such a gathering; otherwise, if it is not possible for him to refrain from harãm, then it is not permissible for him to attend such a gathering.

http://www.najaf.org/english/book/5/inside/52.htm

Sayid Sistani's website.

So if it really becomes a desperate situation where you can't get a job at all, then it would be permissible. But it's not that desperate is it?

[fyst]

So basically a WHITE lie

What part of "It's the truth" do you not understand?

[gogiison2]

It's easy, man. Just scratch your right hand close to the base of your pinky with a knife or scissors, and wear a bandage to the interview. Whenever someone tries to shake hands with you, just point to the bandage and say your hand is hurt. If some curious bugger wants to know what happened to your hand you can tell them that you were playing with a knife and scratched it. It's the truth, so you won't be doing anything wrong, and you'll also look macho for saying that you play with knives. Always wear a bandage to interviews, even when you're pretty sure that it'll be a guy interviewing you, because sometimes the secretary also tries to shake your hand.

or just wear a band aid, u dont need to actually harm yourself. just say i rather not shake hands this time. and explaining situations can get them to respect u more inshaUllah. good move tho brother to avoid shaking her hands. also keep in mind satan wants u to feel like u did wrong when u follow the right way. so keep your head up and stay focused.

[Ibn al-Hussain]

May Allah give u a better job opportunity and help u succeed in it.

I've heard of people wearing gloves to avoid such situations. Perhaps you could consider this.

Maybe that job wasn't meant for you for some reason.

awwww its there loss Ali Imran.

$11.50 per hour, $12.00 on Saturdays, incentives per sale, 100 bucks extra per month just for coming on time... :cry:

If this is not possible for the person and he thinks that refusing to shake hands would cause great and unbearable difficulty for him, then it is permissible at that time.

Yah, I was actually aware of that ruling and have come across it in the past a few times, don't think I was in that situation and hope never am @).

or just wear a band aid

I really don't see how a bandage can prevent you from a handshake...

[southlebanon]

She obviously felt awkward because you didn't give her any explanation! But honestly, I don't think it's that big a deal, to where she won't hire you for the job. And if it is, then she has issues.

After you do the hand-to-heart manouver, just smile and say, "Sorry, I don't shake hands. It's a Muslim thing! In Islam, it's all about modesty."

This way, you aknowledge that you're Muslim and why in Islam shaking hands is haram. The most important thing IMO is to say it comfortably and proud, like you've said it a million times before. It's similar to someone asking you why you wear hijab; if you answer embarrased and unsure or don't give a reply, people who don't know about hijab, are going to have a negative view about the hijab, about you, and Islam. So, a smile and a nice quick explanation are key.

[_zahra]

Aww Ali...such a good job slipped from your hands because of a stinkin' handshake... :angry:

Insh'Allah more opportunities will come by your way and you'll find the perfect job :)

Hey Tim Hortons isn't so bad...they got some good benefits here and there... ^_^

[Sky]

(salam)

So I had an interview today and it was going all fine, she even got down the days I was going to work and timings etc. and at the end when it's done she went for the hand shake, I just said sorry with my hand on my chest and she gave me the weirdest look and I picked up my folder from the desk, everything happened so fast and then she goes okay we'll call you if you get the job and if we don't that means we've selected someone else. My friends that can't even talk properly are working @ that place and I know I killed that interview :dry:.

Then she showed me the "short-cut" way out :dry:.

WHAT DO YOU DO IN THAT SITUATION!? I WON'T EVER GET A JOB IN MY LIFE LIKE THIS?! WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE GAS FOR THE CAR, FOR THE CELL PHONE, I WON'T EVER GET MARRIED?!

When you have strongs beliefs it's best to hold onto them, it was the right thing to do.

Insha'Allah you'll find something even better.

^Yeah, I don't understand why it's in the marriage forum :!!!:.

Maybe because of this? :P

WHAT DO YOU DO IN THAT SITUATION!? I WON'T EVER GET A JOB IN MY LIFE LIKE THIS?! WHO'S GOING TO PAY FOR THE GAS FOR THE CAR, FOR THE CELL PHONE, I WON'T EVER GET MARRIED?!

(bismillah)

(salam)

I've heard of people wearing gloves to avoid such situations. Perhaps you could consider this.

Yeah! Like these would look great at an interview, wouldn't they?

Take your pick! :!!!:

Edited September 8, 2007 by Sky

[sweetmeat]

(salam)

I am in this situation occasionally, bcos of work (Alhamdulillaah not at the moment), or bcos of my non-muslim relatives and acquaintance, doctors or new neighbours.

Last weekend I was in this situation, and there I was putting on and off my nice black gloves. Alhamdulillaah I mananed it, didn´t have to shake males hands one or two, of course females shaking my hand also gave me a look why I was wearing gloves and that was when I said "its pretty cold weather today" or something like that. That was a place where I didn´t want to start "preaching" why I won´t shake hands.

There are moments of course that I don´t have my gloves on, and then I try to explain the situation why I don´t shake hands, and that is the point when they get embarrassed or won´t even listen my name etc, some have taken it ok.

But InshaAllah you get the job you want to without shaking hands!

[Sehnsucht]

I understand how you feel bro. As a public speaker, I come across situations like that all the time- where big money for college is at stake. In particular, one speech competition I went to was hosted by the Rotary Club, and there were at least 50 politically conservative white male businessmen there expecting to shake our hands. To begin with, they started the meeting with a Christian prayer thanking 'the Lord Jesus' for the luncheon, and I was the only person in the entire room who didn't stand up and bow my head. That alone, I'm sure, probably turned the ship against me.

By the time it was my turn to speak, I understood inside that I might as well say nothing, because the odds had been against me from the moment I walked in as a hijabi Muslimah. I got up there and presented my speech quite well, but it definitely wasn't as well-received as the first guy's (who I had actually helped coach, being that this was his first time)- who made it a point to talk about patriotism and oppressed Jews in his. I ended up with 3rd place, and probably only because the losing contestants hardly even got through their speeches. After it was over, all those old men started flooding to our table, extending their hands. I could hardly even look at them as I politely declined, and it got harder every time as I was met with more and more surprised glances. But suddenly, seeing how uncomfortable I was, the first and second-place-winning guys stood up on either side of me, and said they'd 'shield' me from further handshakes. That gesture on their part made me feel a lot stronger; just to know that even in the face of those situations, respect from at least someone can still be found.

What I realized that day was, there really is no easy out to situations like that... It can help if you phrase your rejection in the most business-like, respectful manner possible, but ultimately unless you magically get 20 minutes to explain the beautiful philosophy behind this mandate, you have to suck it up and watch opportunities escape you sometimes, in favor of the rewards for your struggle that await in a later life. I guess the best solution is to forget about everybody you've displeased, and just keep in mind the One you've pleased.

[keys2paradise]

(salam)

Usually an interview is pre-planned, so prepare in advance! Call and speak to someone before you actually attend the interview. Explain why you do not do this practice and that you would greatly appreciate any female interviewees not shaking your hand.

I arranged it for my graduation ceremony that the mayor would not shake my hand, and for the last 3 interviews I have attended the male interviewees also were told not to shake my hand. Come to think of it, none of the females extended their hands ^_^ Still, I was successful for one of them, but more importantly my plans worked! No males went to shake my hand.

In my experience, when people know in advance that you don't do this practice, and you have taken the time to explain to them why, they are usually respectful and have time to prepare themselves!

Don't let yourself get into this awkward situation when it can be avoided in advance. It's when people extend their hands unexpectedly that it becomes very awkward as you have just pointed out.

But I really admire you for not extending your hand, shows you have a strong faith......

and guts :D

Wasalaam

Edited September 8, 2007 by keys2paradise

[gogiison2]

$11.50 per hour, $12.00 on Saturdays, incentives per sale, 100 bucks extra per month just for coming on time... :cry:

Yah, I was actually aware of that ruling and have come across it in the past a few times, don't think I was in that situation and hope never am @).

I really don't see how a bandage can prevent you from a handshake...

i was saying wear a bandaid in reply 2 the guy that said cut yourself..but i think u should've explained the situation 2 her or atleast give them a call and let them know u did it for them and yourself by not touching opposite sex for no reason needed. OR u can pick your nose b4 the interview and say "u know what, i will rather take a rain check becuz i picked my nose , and i dont want YOU to get sick,sorry" this way it seems we are looking out for them. BUT... do it in an enthusiastic way with a big smile i can almost guarantee people can feel the positive vibes and most likely will not even care inshaUllah. or if u sneezed on your hand that could be another reason to avoid handshake,but i said the pick the noise part so we wont have to lie. i hope this helps.

Edited September 9, 2007 by gogiison2

[Haji 2003]

You guys think handshakes are a problem :!!!:

When I was fifteen I did a summer course at a French University. As I was saying good-bye to one of the teachers at the end, she pulled me and kissed me on both cheeks !

English girls were always more conservative so no problems at the UK university where I did my B.S., but this particular university had lots of Europeans and yep you guessed it. The trick was always to keep a fair distance.

Then in the 80s, English women who thought themselves sophisticated started following the double cheek peck customs of their continental cousins.

Luckily I now work outside London where the fashion has not spread, yet.

[Hajj Amir]

Slms, I know the prob. If it is "haraj" (unbearable difficulty) then you can shake the hand...but that is a personal decision depending on ur circumstances. Maybe in a university or social situation it is not so bad (they'll just think ur an eccentric) but working in a professional situation then its pretty awkward. Some modern fatwas will allow you to shake the hand.

Anyway, you can try making excuses like "Oh, sorry you'll have to forgive my hand...long story...here shake my arm instead". They'll think you've hurt you hand or something. When I go to get an injection or to the optician etc. I ask them to wear gloves and so they don't think I have AIDS or something I say "my skin is sensitive".

If you are in enlightened company u could try saying "I am not shaking hands out of respect for you" or "it is more honourable this way in my religion", you don't want to make the person think they are dirty or something.

The hardest thing is knowing what to do. If you are convinced that u must not shake hands under any circumstances then that is easy because you will think 'to hell with anyone that thinks I'm weird'...but I suspect u r in 2 minds what is the right thing 2 do.

Good luck,

[gogiison2]

Slms, I know the prob. If it is "haraj" (unbearable difficulty) then you can shake the hand...but that is a personal decision depending on ur circumstances. Maybe in a university or social situation it is not so bad (they'll just think ur an eccentric) but working in a professional situation then its pretty awkward. Some modern fatwas will allow you to shake the hand.

Anyway, you can try making excuses like "Oh, sorry you'll have to forgive my hand...long story...here shake my arm instead". They'll think you've hurt you hand or something. When I go to get an injection or to the optician etc. I ask them to wear gloves and so they don't think I have AIDS or something I say "my skin is sensitive".

If you are in enlightened company u could try saying "I am not shaking hands out of respect for you" or "it is more honourable this way in my religion", you don't want to make the person think they are dirty or something.

The hardest thing is knowing what to do. If you are convinced that u must not shake hands under any circumstances then that is easy because you will think 'to hell with anyone that thinks I'm weird'...but I suspect u r in 2 minds what is the right thing 2 do.

Good luck,

what is meant by unbearable difficulty and in turn u can shake hands?? i dont understand which difficulty/situation will make this ok.

[Hajj Amir]

^

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=234922396

[gogiison2]

^

http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=234922396

doesnt answer which situation is so difficult that i would need to shake the hand of a non mehram?