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In the Name of God بسم الله

What Would U Do To Ur Sister...

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nayma

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salams everyone.. i was jst wondering what u as brothers would do if you found out ur sister has a boyfriend. or if u had a sister what u would do. This is actually a serios topic

Would it depend on what shes done.. or it doesnt matter still the same as long as she had a bf.. and what would u do to the guy... :unsure: thx

pce

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salams everyone.. i was jst wondering what u as brothers would do if you found out ur sister has a boyfriend. or if u had a sister what u would do. This is actually a serios topic

Would it depend on what shes done.. or it doesnt matter still the same as long as she had a bf.. and what would u do to the guy... :unsure: thx

pce

I'd probably beat him and let my parents handle her.

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(salam)

This kind of stuff is sensitive and there needs to be mutual understanding.

First thing I would perhaps do is to keep it confidential and not reveal it to the whole family until later or at the right time. It's essential that your sister trusts you before you can resolve such situations. If I find it out from somewhere else I will confront her. And ask, what on earth made her believe, she can trust strangers more than her family members. If she is the one revealing all this, I will have a brother-to-sister talk.

Now, the boyfriend-girlfriend scheme is corrupt on it's own. Things that start the wrong way, often have dead ends. So if she says that she has a boy friend, and I find her guilty of secretly chit chatting on the phone late nights, or going on dates or watching movies or secretly meeting in the libraries, my protective instincts will give signals that it's another one of the typical bf gf stories, and the guy is most likely a retard.

However, if she says that she is interested in someone, perhaps a colleague, a fellow student, someone from community e.t.c, and I find out that there communication has only been professional or appropriate, and the guy is serious and mature, someone who understands morality and limits, I don't see it as a problem. I will just caution her to avoid getting too close and advise of the limits and acceptable boundaries.

I don't even mind meeting the guy. Infact I would want to meet the guy to get more info about him, his family, background, whereabouts e.t.c And then I'll be honest with him, and advise him how these things work in our family. basically no fun stuff before marriage. Dating, chit chatting begins after marriage. Needs to advise his family members if he hasn't and get them involved. So if he's ready, then we can proceed to arrange for nikah e.t.c Else, they need to keep themselves restricted until they're ready.

Fi-Amanillah

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(salam)

This kind of stuff is sensitive and there needs to be mutual understanding.

First thing I would perhaps do is to keep it confidential and not reveal it to the whole family until later or at the right time. It's essential that your sister trusts you before you can resolve such situations. If I find it out from somewhere else I will confront her. And ask, what on earth made her believe, she can trust strangers more than her family members. If she is the one revealing all this, I will have a brother-to-sister talk.

Now, the boyfriend-girlfriend scheme is corrupt on it's own. Things that start the wrong way, often have dead ends. So if she says that she has a boy friend, and I find her guilty of secretly chit chatting on the phone late nights, or going on dates or watching movies or secretly meeting in the libraries, my protective instincts will give signals that it's another one of the typical bf gf stories, and the guy is most likely a retard.

However, if she says that she is interested in someone, perhaps a colleague, a fellow student, someone from community e.t.c, and I find out that there communication has only been professional or appropriate, and the guy is serious and mature, someone who understands morality and limits, I don't see it as a problem. I will just caution her to avoid getting too close and advise of the limits and acceptable boundaries.

I don't even mind meeting the guy. Infact I would want to meet the guy to get more info about him, his family, background, whereabouts e.t.c And then I'll be honest with him, and advise him how these things work in our family. basically no fun stuff before marriage. Dating, chit chatting begins after marriage. Needs to advise his family members if he hasn't and get them involved. So if he's ready, then we can proceed to arrange for nikah e.t.c Else, they need to keep themselves restricted until they're ready.

Fi-Amanillah

Masha'Allah, very sensible answer.

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(salam)

This kind of stuff is sensitive and there needs to be mutual understanding.

First thing I would perhaps do is to keep it confidential and not reveal it to the whole family until later or at the right time. It's essential that your sister trusts you before you can resolve such situations. If I find it out from somewhere else I will confront her. And ask, what on earth made her believe, she can trust strangers more than her family members. If she is the one revealing all this, I will have a brother-to-sister talk.

Now, the boyfriend-girlfriend scheme is corrupt on it's own. Things that start the wrong way, often have dead ends. So if she says that she has a boy friend, and I find her guilty of secretly chit chatting on the phone late nights, or going on dates or watching movies or secretly meeting in the libraries, my protective instincts will give signals that it's another one of the typical bf gf stories, and the guy is most likely a retard.

However, if she says that she is interested in someone, perhaps a colleague, a fellow student, someone from community e.t.c, and I find out that there communication has only been professional or appropriate, and the guy is serious and mature, someone who understands morality and limits, I don't see it as a problem. I will just caution her to avoid getting too close and advise of the limits and acceptable boundaries.

I don't even mind meeting the guy. Infact I would want to meet the guy to get more info about him, his family, background, whereabouts e.t.c And then I'll be honest with him, and advise him how these things work in our family. basically no fun stuff before marriage. Dating, chit chatting begins after marriage. Needs to advise his family members if he hasn't and get them involved. So if he's ready, then we can proceed to arrange for nikah e.t.c Else, they need to keep themselves restricted until they're ready.

Fi-Amanillah

WTH no 8eera/ gheera

well don't do for her somthin cuz i am not the one to deal with her - parents.

The BF guess i 'll beat the hell out of him.

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(salam)

This kind of stuff is sensitive and there needs to be mutual understanding.

First thing I would perhaps do is to keep it confidential and not reveal it to the whole family until later or at the right time. It's essential that your sister trusts you before you can resolve such situations. If I find it out from somewhere else I will confront her. And ask, what on earth made her believe, she can trust strangers more than her family members. If she is the one revealing all this, I will have a brother-to-sister talk.

Now, the boyfriend-girlfriend scheme is corrupt on it's own. Things that start the wrong way, often have dead ends. So if she says that she has a boy friend, and I find her guilty of secretly chit chatting on the phone late nights, or going on dates or watching movies or secretly meeting in the libraries, my protective instincts will give signals that it's another one of the typical bf gf stories, and the guy is most likely a retard.

However, if she says that she is interested in someone, perhaps a colleague, a fellow student, someone from community e.t.c, and I find out that there communication has only been professional or appropriate, and the guy is serious and mature, someone who understands morality and limits, I don't see it as a problem. I will just caution her to avoid getting too close and advise of the limits and acceptable boundaries.

I don't even mind meeting the guy. Infact I would want to meet the guy to get more info about him, his family, background, whereabouts e.t.c And then I'll be honest with him, and advise him how these things work in our family. basically no fun stuff before marriage. Dating, chit chatting begins after marriage. Needs to advise his family members if he hasn't and get them involved. So if he's ready, then we can proceed to arrange for nikah e.t.c Else, they need to keep themselves restricted until they're ready.

Fi-Amanillah

mashallah...a beautiful answer :)

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undercoverbrother.... u sound jst like my brother.....

but guys if u found out ur sisster was doing muta marriage.... it wouldnt be halal to do anything to her or him!!

cuz these days when guys or girls say i have girlfrend or boyfrend it means muta.... but they still get veiwed in the negative way...

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undercoverbrother.... u sound jst like my brother.....

but guys if u found out ur sisster was doing muta marriage.... it wouldnt be halal to do anything to her or him!!

cuz these days when guys or girls say i have girlfrend or boyfrend it means muta.... but they still get veiwed in the negative way...

muta or no muta id break his bones for sure.

BTW

-my sister is older than me and i would still do what i wrote above regardless of age.

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muta or no muta id break his bones for sure.

BTW

-my sister is older than me and i would still do what i wrote above regardless of age.

I'm iraqi so i know how our culture works.... but if its muta, i dont think it would be right to do anything ot hte guy or girl.. i know as a fact if i did muta my bro wud kill him and me. BES isnt that haram its like disagreeing with a right Allah gave us. See in this case culture inteferes with religon!!!!

and thats wrong! I know if i did muta(not that wud) my mom and dad and all my relatives wud veiw me as a [Edited Out], weather i was married befor or not, weather we are gonnna get married in the future or not. I think thats wrong isnt it?

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IraqiMuslim, if you had a girlfriend, would your sister beat her up?

hahaahahaa omg i want to say hte smae thing to my bro..... bes when i found out my bro had a "gf" i was young and imature and i realy wanted to beet my brothers girl up because it was "haram"

lol bak in the day

pce

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I don't have a sister but knowing my nature and personality, I can say for sure that I wouldn't touch the guy. If it's a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, my sister is equally guilty. I'd be really upset at first but honestly all I would really do is try to calm down myself at first and explain to her how wrong she is, and that she needs to stop. And I'll probably keep doing it till she stops, maybe even force her a bit and threaten her with something like I'll tell parents etc. I probably won't ever tell parents though.

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(salam)

I'd explain to her the ethics and etiquette of being around boys and defeat her with convincing statements and teachings.

To the guy? Of course I'm not gonna beat him up, LOL, that's the most stupid thing to do. Teaching your sister about Islamic ethics and then afterwards going out yourself and breaking them by beating some guy up. Then she won't take you serious at all.

I'll talk to him in a good and reasonable and Islamic manner.

Plus I think if one where to throw a tantrum at them they'd probably find it even more interesting to have a relationship.

Wassalâm.

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(salam)

Just a word of advice to the ''tough'' brothers. Personally, I'm very close with my brother, to the extent that if I like a guy and am interested in pursuing something, I'll tell him and ask his advice and actually act on his advice. Notice that I'll tell him before I've pursued anything - not after, and that I would actually do what he says. The reasons I'd tell him is because ofcourse I trust him and coz he's very intelligent masha'Allah when it comes to these things and gives great advice.......but the other thing is - it's coz I know he won't react harshly. If I knew he'd react the way some of you brothers are proposing you'd react, there's no way in hell I'd tell him anything. Note that my brother is not exactly the ''sissy'' type either - he's a kickboxer and known for being a good fighter and having ''connections'' etc - all the younger boys at the mosque look up to him.

My point is, I assume you brothers want the type of relationship with your sister that me and my bro have - where she tells you before she does anything stupid, and where you give her advice and she actually practices your advice - meaning you've avoided any harm being done. You are NOT going to get that kind of relationship if she's scared of what you will do and where she can't trust you.

''Anger begins with madness and ends with regret'' - Imam Ali (as).

wasalaam

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(salam)

I feel a bit disturbed by your post, sister....

Just a word of advice to the ''tough'' brothers.

I am a middle-aged (nearing 50) mother of 4 sons and one, extremely precious daughter. And I think I PERSONALLY would beat the hell out of my daughter if I ever found out she'd behaved in a disrespectful way! She simply has not been raised that way! I’ve instilled values in her. You can’t wait until your daughter is on the verge of an illicit relationship, to sit down and talk to her about the ‘birds and the bees’…. Are we muslims, or not?.......

Notice that I'll tell him before I've pursued anything

How did your parents raise you?

he's very intelligent masha'Allah when it comes to these things and gives great advice

He gives great advice???? And who is HE? You'd do far better sticking strictly to Islam, sister, and protect your reputation as well as your family's. Your brother can't be THAT intelligent, if you honestly think he'd SUPPORT you in an illicit relationship!

it's coz I know he won't react harshly.

Well, he SHOULD! If he really loves you, he will never sit back and watch his sister ruin her life! And, please, don't tell me that being promiscuous will not ruin your life....

If I knew he'd react the way some of you brothers are proposing you'd react, there's no way in hell I'd tell him anything.

How will you answer to Allah? You will find a path, which takes you directly TO hell, sister, if you truly believe in what you're writing here.

Note that my brother is not exactly the ''sissy'' type either - he's a kickboxer and known for being a good fighter and having ''connections'' etc - all the younger boys at the mosque look up to him.

You sound like a child! Physical appearance has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with it! He could be a member of the Mafia!...Doesn't make sense what you're saying! Who is going to look up to YOU???? You sound so proud of your brother - start off by being proud of YOURSELF!

My point is, I assume you brothers want the type of relationship with your sister that me and my bro have - where she tells you before she does anything stupid, and where you give her advice and she actually practices your advice - meaning you've avoided any harm being done. You are NOT going to get that kind of relationship if she's scared of what you will do and where she can't trust you.

OH PLEASE!!!!!! Are you still in KG???? No-one is suggesting that they don't want to have a relationship with their sisters, an open and loving relationship, even.... that loving relationship should be well-established LONG BEFORE the girl is ready for, whatever it is you're suggesting - gf/bf or , whatever...... If SHE LOVES HER BROTHER.... (and this is not a one-way street, girl)..... she wouldn't think of getting him into the situation in that first place, where he might have to GIVE that kind of advice!

''Anger begins with madness and ends with regret'' - Imam Ali
.

And after ALL that,,,, you QUOTE OUR IMAM???????

If your attitude is representative of the younger (muslim) generation, I feel deeply saddened! Leave the g/f b/f business to the non-believers... There's no place for it in Islam!

Have a good day, sis....

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Umm A you are obsolutely right we shouldnt except it, but you have gotten the wrong idea about sister Ruqayah's post.

What she ment by:

if I like a guy and am interested in pursuing something, I'll tell him and ask his advice and actually act on his advice
was for marriage and not to have a illicit haram relationship as you have understood it.

delete your post you have been mistaken.

Edited by JoeThug
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I am a middle-aged (nearing 50) mother of 4 sons and one, extremely precious daughter. And I think I PERSONALLY would beat the hell out of my daughter if I ever found out she'd behaved in a disrespectful way! She simply has not been raised that way! I’ve instilled values in her. You can’t wait until your daughter is on the verge of an illicit relationship, to sit down and talk to her about the ‘birds and the bees’…. Are we muslims, or not?.......

How did your parents raise you?

He gives great advice???? And who is HE? You'd do far better sticking strictly to Islam, sister, and protect your reputation as well as your family's. Your brother can't be THAT intelligent, if you honestly think he'd SUPPORT you in an illicit relationship!

Well, he SHOULD! If he really loves you, he will never sit back and watch his sister ruin her life! And, please, don't tell me that being promiscuous will not ruin your life....

How will you answer to Allah? You will find a path, which takes you directly TO hell, sister, if you truly believe in what you're writing here.

You sound like a child! Physical appearance has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with it! He could be a member of the Mafia!...Doesn't make sense what you're saying! Who is going to look up to YOU???? You sound so proud of your brother - start off by being proud of YOURSELF!

OH PLEASE!!!!!! Are you still in KG???? No-one is suggesting that they don't want to have a relationship with their sisters, an open and loving relationship, even.... that loving relationship should be well-established LONG BEFORE the girl is ready for, whatever it is you're suggesting - gf/bf or , whatever...... If SHE LOVES HER BROTHER.... (and this is not a one-way street, girl)..... she wouldn't think of getting him into the situation in that first place, where he might have to GIVE that kind of advice!

.

And after ALL that,,,, you QUOTE OUR IMAM???????

If your attitude is representative of the younger (muslim) generation, I feel deeply saddened! Leave the g/f b/f business to the non-believers... There's no place for it in Islam!

Have a good day, sis....

Walaikumasalam,

Sorry I should have been more clear since the thread is talking about illicit relationships - I meant if I was interested in pursuing a halal relationship (ie. marriage) not bf/gf, I would never do such a thing and in that case yes, my bro would murder me.

wasalaam

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Assalamu alaikum, Sister Roqaya

You know, when I came poking into the Brothers' Forum, I felt pretty guilty :blush: and, as one of the brothers pointed, maybe I shouldn't have been here in the first place.... but when I saw your post, dear, I really had a strong maternal reaction.

the thread is talking about illicit relationships -

Yip...

Your brothers here obviously know you (so maybe your big brother back home wouldn't be the only one looking out for your best interests... :angel: and realised that there was indeed a misunderstanding.... b/f g/f certainly doesn't constitute marriage,,,

Sorry, dear, no hard feelings.... and sorry guys for the intrusion.... I'm a teacher by profession, a mother by nature.... and if I can help any girl going 'of course' I'll be right in there!

I meant if I was interested in pursuing a halal relationship (ie. marriage) not bf/gf, I would never do such a thing and in that case yes, my bro would murder me.

I'm so glad that you have a wonderful relationship with your older brother. My daughter, as I said, has 4 brothers, and they'd go from here to the end of the earth for her (she's 20 by the way, not a little girl, and a university student, so the subject is quite relative - I was worried sick when she started her studies, in a mixed environment, after being in a single-sex one since primary school... but, as I said, I hope, inshallah, she never forgets my 'words of wisdom' .... a woman's reputation is EVERYTHING.... we form the very foundation of society, and have a HUGE responsibility in keeping or daughters - AND sons - on the straight path.

Í'm glad those teenage years are well behind me..... and I wish all of you, facing the problem of 'relationships' in this modern society, all the best. Never compromise.... take it from an old woman.... always be true to Allah,,,, AND yourself,,, :) Once done, nothing can be undone, and a guilty conscience is hell to live with....

Best Wishes to all brothers and sisters

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