Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

Your Mother Or Your Wife?

Rate this topic


Recommended Posts

  • Advanced Member

Salam,

As a wife I'd rather that my husband choose me over his own mother but then i think about my son.. lol, I wouldnt be happy if he choose his wife over me :unsure: (im happy he's still a baby so its still long time before he gets married :P)

I have seen many mother in laws who doesnt get a long with their daughter in laws and if the husband tends to go to the side of the mother, the marriage wil fail.. or at least they are not going to be happy. So its actually remains a dilemma. I think the best solution is to marry someone which could get along well with the inlaws, otherwise the marriage wil not be happy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Basic Members

(salam)

marriage is between husband and wife. when an issue arises concerning the husband's mother it firstly depends on its content. mother-in-laws tend to interfere in most cases with there son's marriages because they want u to live life according to how they see it. also they forget ther son's are adults and there daughter-in-laws were brought up differently.

at the end of the day its the understanding between husband and wife of how they want to do things and live life.

women should think first before talking and respect each others differences so long as its in accordance with islam.

was salaam

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member

the husband cannot be rude to his mother, no matter what. And he cannot mistreat his wife either. Now its up to him to see how he manages both!!!!

tough situation for guys !

No wonder a married mans prayer is worth 70 of an unmarried man!

Ah.....i m glad i am not a man...if i had to deal with a situation like a wife-mother argument/difference of opinion situation, i d go bonkers!!!!!!!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Salaam

Husbands need to be wise and fair and when confronted with a dispute, he needs to let his wife and mother both know that our purpose on earth is always to please Allah and that he is only going to do what pleases Allah in solving the dispute. If the mother is upset with him because he agreed with the wife on the account that she was right then Allah will not fault him for it. And likewise if he agreed with his mother on the same account.

Allah SWT is most just and He will not like a man to please his mother by doing something wrong that will hurt his wife and likewise.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
the husband cannot be rude to his mother, no matter what. And he cannot mistreat his wife either. Now its up to him to see how he manages both!!!!

tough situation for guys !

No wonder a married mans prayer is worth 70 of an unmarried man!

Doesn't that hadith apply to women aswell?

Anyone? :unsure:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

its sad to know that almost all guys want to give preference to their mother over their wife? but do u ever feel that ur wife is also someone's daughter? how will her parents feel when they know that daughter's husband n mother in law r teaming up against her.....n if they take their daughter's side then guys always say that thier wife's family is interferring............

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

i hope my husband will have the sense to be the peace maker, if my mother in law and i fall out, which i hope never happens we could just work it out, i aint the type to keep grudges and get annoyed (ofcourse it depends on the scenario), besides i'd see her like my mother and will have the respect for her, like i do for my mother, regardless if she is wrong ill back down i think its just respectful

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 1 month later...
  • Advanced Member
If your wife and mother disagree, who will you side with?

I would appreciate it if only guys voted.

well....mother is a mother respected n revered but according 2 islamic teachings the wife is a wife n ur childrens mother n ur partner n ur advisor.a lot of relationships keep forming with ur wife...she is ur home maker...ur mother remains ur mother ...yes the best of all women but wife has more rights...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
but wife has more rights

I don't think you can say that the wife has more rights. Both, the mother and the wife have their own rights. If there is a situation where a man is not capable of fulfilling the rights of both of them, then the mother may even take preference over the wife. There is also a hadith which is something on this line that "a person whom a man must obey the most is his mother, while the person whom a woman must obey the most is her husband."

Link to post
Share on other sites

I would defend each in the presence of the other. That way, neither will feel confident about having me on her side next time they fight - hence smaller chance of fighting.

But as to the question of which commands my loyalty the most - there is no doubt, mum wins. Mum raised me, sacrificed a great deal for me and will always love me. What's a wife? someone who loves you for your looks, career, money, status, wit, charm...your mother's love is unconditional, you could be a total loser and your mum would be the only one in the world who cares for you.

Marriage is between equals, you needn't be thankful to a girl for marrying you, because you are also marrying her, but the relationship with your mother is never one of equals, you can never be thankful enough to her for what she has done for you.

This relationship only reaches a sort of parity after your wife has had children, then it becomes between your mother and the mother of your children...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member
I don't think you can say that the wife has more rights. Both, the mother and the wife have their own rights. If there is a situation where a man is not capable of fulfilling the rights of both of them, then the mother may even take preference over the wife. There is also a hadith which is something on this line that "a person whom a man must obey the most is his mother, while the person whom a woman must obey the most is her husband."

she has u know cus she is the mother of ur children ,ur life partner, ur advisor ...mother s rgr8 but a wife becomes has more contribution in ur life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

I don't know how I ever missed this thread. This was the first argument I had with my ex-fiance.

His mother liked me, but preferred he marry someone who was black. Even though she knew we were engaged she was constantly introducing him to other women. I became upset when we were on a three-way call and she did this right in front of me. My ex-fiance did not say a word. Of course I bit my tongue until I talked to him later, but I was very upset that he allowed his mother to disrespect me like that. What would have been wrong with nicely telling her "Ma, you know Asha and I are getting married; I am not interested in meeting other women, but I appreciate the thought". So many times it is not so much what we say but how we say it. Had he said that to his mother she would not have been upset and I would not have felt disrespected. What's so hard about that guys?

You guys who look at wives as disposable commodities really really upset me. I wonder if you are OK if your wife thinks of you in the same manner?

PS: I didn't vote :D

Edited by Asha
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member

Mamas boys make me sick. The wife leaves her family and her independence, births your children and then what? I know many marriages end because Mamas wanna suckle their boys for ever. And boys don't know the umbilical cord has been cut. Brothers, let me tell you, if you're mama is shaddy and you don't stand up for your wife your wife will resent you. And when your wife is upset the entire house is upset because the woman is the core of the house. Those who say paradise is at the feet of the mother, did you forget that your wife will be a mother too? Maybe not yours but still a mother and deserving respect.

Asha, my MIL has the same thought. That I should be black. She also likes to play stupid guilt trips on her son("u dont know what im eating!!" - as if she didnt recieve anything), verbally abuse him, and then because I don't put up with that [Edited Out] she gets mad. She calls my house screaming, damn right I'm unplugging the phone. Some old ladies just get senile I guess. Cause the things that happen...baffle me. Honestly I cant believe how some adults (and seniors) behave.

I think things like disagreements should be handled by who is in the right and who is in the wrong. If you can't tell then consult a scholar or mediators...

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
Mamas boys make me sick. The wife leaves her family and her independence, births your children and then what? I know many marriages end because Mamas wanna suckle their boys for ever. And boys don't know the umbilical cord has been cut. Brothers, let me tell you, if you're mama is shaddy and you don't stand up for your wife your wife will resent you. And when your wife is upset the entire house is upset because the woman is the core of the house. Those who say paradise is at the feet of the mother, did you forget that your wife will be a mother too? Maybe not yours but still a mother and deserving respect.

Asha, my MIL has the same thought. That I should be black. She also likes to play stupid guilt trips on her son("u dont know what im eating!!" - as if she didnt recieve anything), verbally abuse him, and then because I don't put up with that [Edited Out] she gets mad. She calls my house screaming, damn right I'm unplugging the phone. Some old ladies just get senile I guess. Cause the things that happen...baffle me. Honestly I cant believe how some adults (and seniors) behave.

I think things like disagreements should be handled by who is in the right and who is in the wrong. If you can't tell then consult a scholar or mediators...

:!!!: :!!!: at you unplugging the phone. hahaha.

Sis, I also got the "paradise lies at the feet of the mother" response. That upset me even more, as if he was implying that I don't want him to respect his mother. Of course I do. But if she is disrespecting me then he needs to be a man and handle the situation so there doesn't have to be any strife between wife and Mother in law. because if my hubby doesn't defend me against disrespect, then I will defend myself. likewise, if i disrespected his mother (which i wouldn't do) I would fully expect him to talk to me about my transgression.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
Mamas boys make me sick. The wife leaves her family and her independence, births your children and then what? I know many marriages end because Mamas wanna suckle their boys for ever. And boys don't know the umbilical cord has been cut. Brothers, let me tell you, if you're mama is shaddy and you don't stand up for your wife your wife will resent you. And when your wife is upset the entire house is upset because the woman is the core of the house. Those who say paradise is at the feet of the mother, did you forget that your wife will be a mother too? Maybe not yours but still a mother and deserving respect.

very well said sister Zahra B)

I hope at least "some things" goes in our brother's HEADS :wub:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Advanced Member
:!!!: :!!!: at you unplugging the phone. hahaha.

Sis, I also got the "paradise lies at the feet of the mother" response. That upset me even more, as if he was implying that I don't want him to respect his mother. Of course I do. But if she is disrespecting me then he needs to be a man and handle the situation so there doesn't have to be any strife between wife and Mother in law. because if my hubby doesn't defend me against disrespect, then I will defend myself. likewise, if i disrespected his mother (which i wouldn't do) I would fully expect him to talk to me about my transgression.

well-said

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 years later...
  • Advanced Member
If your wife and mother disagree, who will you side with?

Of course with the one who is right. You cannot take side with your mother just because she is your mother. You have to be just.

Thats a problem in the world today. Let's say a muslim and a christian are arguing, then the other muslim takes side with the muslim or the other christian takes side with the christian, just because he/she is a muslim/christian. Instead of taking side with the one who is right.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Veteran Member

Of course with the one who is right. You cannot take side with your mother just because she is your mother. You have to be just.

These days more than ever you have to try hard to persuade husbands not to side with their wives just because they are their wives. So the norm is the other way round.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...