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mustafa456

Help! Family & Personal Problems! Gay!

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Hello Brothers and Sisters.

Here's the issue:

I am a young muslim boy, a good boy :angel: but not THAT religious (i pray occasionally and dont make sins) with a religious family that abides by the rules and are fairly strict.

I have one problem that i feel that i may go to hell for having, you see... I am gay!... I know it is against Islam but i cant help it. What can i do? i allways fear of hell, I want it gone, i cant tell my family or they may kick me out of the house and never speak to me (and i love my family very much), i havent told ANYONE before and i really need some help!

What can i do? Can i get rid of it and become straight? Will i go to hell for something that i cannot help? :shaytan: Is it really against Islam and if so why? Am i alone? Am i even gay!?!?!? :unsure:

Edited by mustafa456

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Salams bro,

That's strange. I've never personally heard of a gay Muslim (especially on SC).

Were you born gay? Did the environment you live in alter your mood?

I advise you to talk to a learned scholar, as he provides the best advice. But since that would be an embarassing thought, perhaps you could involve yourself more into Islamic events and religious aspects, by avoiding the environment your currently in. You need to go through Jihad al Akbar.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I as well would like to warn brothers and sisters not to tease or insult this brother because of the way he is. Please show your utmost respect and offer him your sincerest advice.

Edited by Wise Muslim

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(salam)

What exactly do you mean by gay...do you find females attractive aswell, or only males? When did you start to feel that you were ''gay''? Did something in particular trigger this feeling? How old are you?

wasalaam

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Surpress your illegitamate desires, and make strong ur Iman, if you tell yourself you can not do it thean you have agreed to fail at the first hurdle, just believe that you can overcome such a problem, . And whatever you do, do not openly state infront of any muslim that you are Gay. If you fight the desires than Allah will help you suceed, Inshallah.

Why not try and think about all the punishments of such desires, think about the impact it may have on your life, the lives of your family member, this act is forbidden and it will degrade your status and that of your family amongst the Muslim community.

This is not only about YOU, you have to think of your family.

You may not be Gay, you may think you are for some twisted reason, just fight the feeling otherwise u gonna get a mighty burning.

Dont let Shaitan drive you towards HELL.

And you can help it, just dont give up hope.

Oh yh, why not try and get married as soon as possible, i think it may even be wajib on you.

Best of Luck.

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Hello Brothers and Sisters.

Here's the issue:

I am a young muslim boy, a good boy but not THAT religious (i pray occasionally and dont make sins) with a religious family that abides by the rules and are fairly strict.

Is this a joke? [please refrain from accusing other members without proof]

Praying occasionally is a sin. Start by doing your proper salat.

I have one problem that i feel that i may go to hell for having, you see... I am gay!... I know it is against Islam but i cant help it. What can i do? i allways fear of hell, I want it gone, i cant tell my family or they may kick me out of the house and never speak to me (and i love my family very much), i havent told ANYONE before and i really need some help!

What can i do? Can i get rid of it and become straight? Will i go to hell for something that i cannot help? Is it really against Islam and if so why? Am i alone? Am i even gay!?!?!?

Do you mean your attracted to men, just don't like women, or are just very happy?

Please clarify

I'm not going to say more because I'm not sure this one is legit.

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Surpress your illegitamate desires, and make strong ur Iman, if you tell yourself you can not do it thean you have agreed to fail at the first hurdle, just believe that you can overcome such a problem, . And whatever you do, do not openly state infront of any muslim that you are Gay. If you fight the desires than Allah will help you suceed, Inshallah.

Why not try and think about all the punishments of such desires, think about the impact it may have on your life, the lives of your family member, this act is forbidden and it will degrade your status and that of your family amongst the Muslim community.

This is not only about YOU, you have to think of your family.

You may not be Gay, you may think you are for some twisted reason, just fight the feeling otherwise u gonna get a mighty burning.

Dont let Shaitan drive you towards HELL.

And you can help it, just dont give up hope.

Oh yh, why not try and get married as soon as possible, i think it may even be wajib on you.

Best of Luck.

^ That's good stuff..

Brother..this is just a personal opinion that i believe very strongly in..and that is you are as an individual at fault, because Allah (swt) has NOT created us with lustful feelings for the same sex- human beings are not homosexuals by nature- it is completely wrong..and therefore I think that you CAN help these feelings because you have unintentionally created them in your mind yourself- with influence of others and the environment you are in. (in addition to this, many people claim that they have been born with these abnormal sexual feelings- this has no support in the Holy Qur'an- and anyway, the laws that the Qur'an have for homosexuality will not change, irrespective of its nature)

Brother, homosexuality is a big sin in islam, and you can NOT call yourself a 'good muslim' if you do consider yourself gay, because you already are in the first place going against one main principle of Islam.

Human beings have been created with a sexual desire, and Allah (swt) has made us 'Ashraful Makhluqat'- meaning the best of the creations..and therefore he has given the quality of being able to control our thoughts and either act upon them or banish them accordingly. Shaytan is always there, confusing our minds and putting in evil thoughts, but it is up to us to identify and dismiss them.

Such big is the sin of homosexuality that it is also mentioned in the Holy Qur'an..I've just places a couple of ayats..hope you could look into their tafseer and read up on the historic events connected to this major sin (example- the story of the people of Lut)

[Yusufali 7:81] "For ye practise your lusts on men in preference to women : ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds."

[Yusufali 26:165] "Of all the creatures in the world, will ye approach males,And leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your mates? Nay, ye are a people transgressing (all limits)!"

What can i do? Can i get rid of it and become straight? Will i go to hell for something that i cannot help? Is it really against Islam and if so why? Am i alone? Am i even gay!?!?!?

The fact that you are aware of this problem is solving half of it already :D ..I really don't think that you are gay (well, you are the only one who can decide :huh: )..but I simply think that you've got your ideas and thoughts confused in your mind..I hope my post was atleast a little helpful...and I pray to Allah (swt) to guide you and help you understand yourself.

Good luck

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1.ok dude you really need help about this gay thing....but remember, you werent born gay, Allah does not create people gay

2. Even though you attracted to males do get attracted to females aswell?

3.when did you "turn" gay?

4. You CAN help it, its only shaytan bugging you, treat it as something phsycological and throw it out of your brain...the power of the mind is the strongest in the human body, so you have the potential to do so....

5. Pray ALL your daily salaat, if YOU miss out ANY you are going to hell, so start praying, repent for missing the ones you have missed

6. Pray to Allah to give you strenth to get rid of this problem

am i even gay?

7. ok so you are not sure.....but we need more details in order to help you out....

Edited by Shia & Proud

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Hello Brothers and Sisters.

Here's the issue:

I am a young muslim boy, a good boy :angel: but not THAT religious (i pray occasionally and dont make sins) with a religious family that abides by the rules and are fairly strict.

I have one problem that i feel that i may go to hell for having, you see... I am gay!... I know it is against Islam but i cant help it. What can i do? i allways fear of hell, I want it gone, i cant tell my family or they may kick me out of the house and never speak to me (and i love my family very much), i havent told ANYONE before and i really need some help!

What can i do? Can i get rid of it and become straight? Will i go to hell for something that i cannot help? :shaytan: Is it really against Islam and if so why? Am i alone? Am i even gay!?!?!? :unsure:

take it as a test, we all have tough situations to deal with, Im sure Allah will reward u GREATLY if u are able to control ur gay desires.

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ok, thank you for all your replies... i really appreciate them.

basically i am 14, it is not a phase and hard to control because ther is this one boy and i simply fancy the pants of him. i wanna tell him but when i think about the concequences i just cant. but i reaaly like him. imean i have never experienced this before, when ever i think about him then all my worries go away and all i can think to do is kiss him. I AM SOOO ASHAMED but thats how i feel. :blush:

Also whenever sum guy walks past me then i just thinka bout whetether they are cute or not and i used to fancy this one girl but i dont anymore because another guy put me off her and i dont think that i like any girls rite now

Anyway i am going to try to avoid this but it isnt going to be easy, as it is i have searched the yellow pages and online resources to find a way to get rid of it but nothing in my budget without asking my parents for help and i cant tell them why.

when i said that i pray occasionally, i meant i miss a few when im really bust but not on purpose and i try really hard not to commit sins.

Does anybody have a way to get over this? and to be freed of this really hard worry?

oh yeah and do you think that living with lots of sisters and no bros might have been the cause of this?

Edited by mustafa456

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salam

hm.. ok i have a personal question maybe any acts upon u as a child has brought forth such feelings ?

dude there are really personal questions to be asked , and you are just 14 you can grow out of it , before its too late

girls = niiiice

guys = ewww

you never find yourself looking at a girl , or trying hard to lower your gaze from one ?

if so then as you cant go into details about your exact thoughts on such a forum

lower your gaze of guys man..

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I have had relations with one of my cousins as a younger child of about 8, i wasnt too sure of anything at the time.

I am currently having relations with another cousin but please dont think bad of me as i allready feel bad enough :unsure:

and YES they are boys...

Edited by mustafa456

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salam

theeres ur issue , the 8 year old thing

you need to see an islamic shrink or talk to some one fast , so you can change ur mind frame

as a child ur mind is as chewable and changable as chewing gum , thus being raised and living life with such actions at such a young age has brought forth till today that set mind frame which no one has been able to change because no one was aware of it ...

dude tell ur parents fast ... or seek help islamic scholar , or a shrink who wont say being gay is ok , u r still young u can change believe me

ive seen people with the same issue as u change

u just need some one to set you in the right direction..

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Salam

Bro Inshallah I'll be praying for you. Prayers are the biggest weapons one has, use it, and don't be shy whilst praying, remember Allah (SWT) is aware of everything that its creation is up to.

There is a cure to EVERYTHING, just a matter of seeking, inshallah you'll come out successful.

Kind regards

Malek

ps. Like one Sis stated, read up on the story of Prophet Lut (as), his nation had the same problem.

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I have had relations with one of my cousins as a younger child of about 8, i wasnt too sure of anything at the time.

I am currently having relations with another cousin but please dont think bad of me as i allready feel bad enough :unsure:

and YES they are boys...

no dont wrry, we aint thinking bad of u man, atleast ur brave

but what surprises me is

are there that many gay people???

i mean some of ur cousins aswell?

i wonder how many others are gay but hide it within themselves

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wow..ok..salam

umm..here's what I think, let's assume you really are gay, and there's nothing you can do about it, assume ok. Think of this as a huuuuge test from Allah. Even if you have to live all by yourself for the rest of your life and stay single, it's worth it.

But as someone mentioned, talk to someone you trust religiously and emotionally and nshallah they'll help you.

our prayers with you brother. but please please please..don't do anything haram. :no:

Fast from now until the problem is solved.

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wow..ok..salam

umm..here's what I think, let's assume you really are gay, and there's nothing you can do about it, assume ok. Think of this as a huuuuge test from Allah. Even if you have to live all by yourself for the rest of your life and stay single, it's worth it.

But as someone mentioned, talk to someone you trust religiously and emotionally and nshallah they'll help you.

our prayers with you brother. but please please please..don't do anything haram. :no:

Fast from now until the problem is solved.

lol thats what i said, my posts are ignored like im some ignorant loud mouth

lol its ok i dont mind

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Salam Aleikum,

Brother, this is a terrible thing to be facing. My experience from knowing many gay people is that it is developed environmentally, it is not something that one is born with, even there is no scientific evidence confirming that it is something one is born with. All the gay people I knew had crushes on or at sometime had relationships with the opposite gender. One very gay man and one lesbian I knew, had many years after being gay had short relationships with the opposite gender. Many straight people I know have dabbled with homosexuality as well. It is something present in every person; they have the ability to be attracted to the same and the opposite gender. It is when a person gets confused by environmental influences and their social experiences that start to make them have doubts and convince themselves they are gay.

The reason there is homosexuality at all, is that so there can be a distinction between what is a good relationship and what is a bad relationship, the same reason why there is love and hate, generosity and greed, truth and lies, God gives us free will to choose what we will do, and he has given us the choice between doing good or bad things, so that when we choose the good thing our deeds will have greater value because we avoided the temptation to do wrong. This life is a test for us, God stated in the Quran that He made humans, so that we could be the greatest creature, we could do good things by our own choice and rise to a higher station than the angels, or we could do bad things by our choice then be lower than the animals. Our free will to be good or bad is what makes us potentially the greatest or worst creation.

Your own behaviour has developed due to environmental reasons. You are not confined to being gay, because even you admit to having feelings at one stage for a girl. The reason you have not been overwhelmed by these feelings as yet, is that you are only 14, most boys do not become attracted to girls until at least 16, but even now you have had a glimpse of your possible future attraction to girls, by the crush you have already had, this is a very positive sign.

Your problem has arisen due to being exposed to the adult world of sex before you were physically and emotionally ready. It was a form of abuse you underwent. Islam instructs parents that they should keep children separate from the adult world of sex until they are mature to understand it. Parents are supposed to not have relations or kiss in front of children, keep children from watching programs and reading books which contain references to sex, stop children from stimulating themselves, keep brothers and sisters in separate rooms, for adults to wear modest clothing in front of their children, to not bathe in front of or with their children.

All these things are bad because they stir a sexual awakening in the child before maturity, sex is presented as something mysterious and fun and curious children want to know what it is. Even at the immature age children have some sexual desires, they can attain some pleasure from self-stimulation or exploring each others bodies, but it is not at the intensity that they will experience when they reach maturity and there minds are not ready to handle this, therefore they should be protected from being exposed to this aspect before the right time. Otherwise it will lead to perversions which become a habit like incest, masturbation and homosexuality and habits picked up in child hood are the most difficult to erase.

Unfortunately you were exposed to sex before your time. Naturally you found that this activity carries with it some pleasure. Because however you discovered this pleasure with other boys, your mind has drawn a subconscious association that boys give pleasure and a preference towards boys because of your past experiences. The thing is you shouldn’t despair; you have a chance to correct this inclination. You need to draw an association in your mind that women also can bring pleasure. Once you stop focussing on boys and you reach the age of say 16, you will start to notice girls. Then you will experience a strong sense of attraction and excitement towards them. However you have to stop having relations with boys and stop thinking too much about them in order for you this inclination to naturally occur, otherwise if you continue to stimulate this desire it will stay with you and increase.

The best thing you can do right now. Is to tell your cousin you need to stop, and to avoid seeing him for as long as possible or at least avoid being in situations where you are alone together. Whenever you feel attracted to a boy, you need to be strong and start avoiding their company. Most of all you need to keep yourself really busy. Get involved in lots of activities, sports, solitary hobbies, community groups, studies. Whatever you can to keep yourself occupied, keep yourself so busy that you don’t have time to fantasise about boys or your past. Go to bed tired; don’t sit around listening to music. Music or sitting around doing nothing will make you start day dreaming.

Also it would be very, very beneficial to you to learn as much as possible about your religion and to become involved in your Islamic community, once you understand your religion, once you truly fear Allah (swt) and truly love the Ahl Bayt (as) you will be able to give anything up and you will understand why homosexuality needs to be avoided. Most importantly stop what you are doing now, you are not yet at Baligh age but in a year or so you will be, what happened to you when you were 8 was not your fault, it was abuse, if you change now and seek repentance you will start fresh. If you continue your sin when you become baligh you will receive the worst punishment for that and it will be harder for you to deal with when you are older, you won’t be able to forgive yourself for sins you committed after the age of understanding.

Most of all tell someone and get help, make sure that person is a Muslim (if not then they will tell you incorrectly being gay is ok/natural) and someone you trust. You will be able to prevent yourself from relapsing when someone is monitoring you, rather than if you keep it as a secret. Get advice from someone religious that you trust. You can change, if you want to, don’t feel pressured by society telling you that you are one thing, you control your own actions. I am living proof that you can give up any addiction. I converted to Islam at age 23 and I gave up many, many past sins that were great addictions, but you can give up anything, once you gain sureness in your heart about your religion being the truth, and once you gain the fear and love of Allah (swt)

Inshallah you can learn from this and become strong. I pray that you will be cured from your affliction.

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oh yeah and do you think that living with lots of sisters and no bros might have been the cause of this?

Yes. Living with that many girls can have a psychological effect on your sexuality.

You might have abnormal sex hormone levels (too much estrogen, not enough testosterone). Talk to any shrink about this and they can help.

Also, remember to never confess your sins to other people unless you are seeking help.

Khuda hafiz

Edited by Nevermind

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Hi and thanks for ALL your help.

I have understood that i must perform Jihad Al Akbar and i will try.

I am going to think more about girls and i have tried it, its not making much difference.

It will be hard to refrain but what shall i do about that one boy? the boy that i fancy the pants off? the one that i just want to hug and kiss? the one i want to be with?

Im doing alot of research and this one girl told me not to think about it bou if i am to think about girls and... its too dificult!

Plus i CANNOT tell anyone in my family or they will not speak to me and maybe kick me out of the house because they are strong beleivers.

How can i get in toutch with a scholar, learned person or anyone that is wise and can help me further?

Edited by mustafa456

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^ some of the stuff people have written is really good....the boy that you fancy....train your mind to DISLIKE him...but you gotta stop with immediate affect................and make sure u pray ALL your prayers...trust me it works for any problem....as for girls...TRY and get attracted but dnt do any haraam...how old are u?

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salam

hm.. ok i have a personal question maybe any acts upon u as a child has brought forth such feelings ?

dude there are really personal questions to be asked , and you are just 14 you can grow out of it , before its too late

girls = niiiice

guys = ewww

you never find yourself looking at a girl , or trying hard to lower your gaze from one ?

if so then as you cant go into details about your exact thoughts on such a forum

lower your gaze of guys man..

lool..

...to the original poster..if you're serious, try doing salatil layl

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(salam)

1. Avoid all contact with this guy who you ''fancy the pants off'' and with your cousins who you have had/are having/may have relations with. Don't talk to them/don't meet them/don't see them/don't look at them/don't even think about them.

2. Lower your gaze

3. Make sure you do all your prayers and other wajibats. Don't listen to music.

4. Make lots and lots of dua....talk to Allah (Swt), he can hear you. Ask him to help you through this and to give you patience. Read dua kumail every thursday. Read dua nudba every friday and remind yourself that Imam Mahdi (ajt) is present amongst us and he see's you and that you're hurting him by what you're doing. Read the quran.

5. Find a trustworthy, wise and non-judgemental sheikh and speak to him about it.

6. Continually remind yourself of how bad this action is. Homosexuality is a psychological illness which needs to be overcome, and the more you distance yourself from it, the easier it will be to overcome. Remind yourself how important Allah (Swt) and Islam is to you. Remind yourself how important your family is to you.

7. Spend more time in an Islamic environment (eg: mosque/husseiniya). Find religious Muslims and spend more time with them.

8. Spend more time with your parents and brothers and sisters. Build on your relationship with them.

9. Spend more time on shiachat.

10. Do mutah with a girl (not as a one time thing, but get into a serious relationship with her), and make sure you use protection.

wasalaam

Edited by ~RuQaYaH~

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^watta? He's only 14!

Also, I'd be careful about 'finding a Sheikh', what if he turns you in? Plus I don't think he'll take you seriously enough due to your age. I'd advise you to get in touch with one of these online shiachat consultancy gp members.

Edited by Malek-e-Ashtar

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Hello Brothers and Sisters.

Here's the issue:

I am a young muslim boy, a good boy :angel: but not THAT religious (i pray occasionally and dont make sins) with a religious family that abides by the rules and are fairly strict.

I have one problem that i feel that i may go to hell for having, you see... I am gay!... I know it is against Islam but i cant help it. What can i do? i allways fear of hell, I want it gone, i cant tell my family or they may kick me out of the house and never speak to me (and i love my family very much), i havent told ANYONE before and i really need some help!

What can i do? Can i get rid of it and become straight? Will i go to hell for something that i cannot help? :shaytan: Is it really against Islam and if so why? Am i alone? Am i even gay!?!?!? :unsure:

whoops :wacko: what do you feel when you see a guy ?

ummm, did u ever see any animal going after an animal of the same sex? you would never have been here today if such a thing existed in nature.... this is how i think.... we are in an atmosphere defined by some physical laws and this natural laws doesnt hold good for those who transgress... the things that you can do to remove these feelings from you is... try thinking everything in an opposite way :lol: whenever you see a guy, instead look at a girl (i m juss kidding) there are some exceptions in nature named as perversions... try to train your brain in an opposite direction... keep working with your brain...play games, play with many other things like math, science, or try to study why these perversions exist (many psychiatary books will interest you).

gtg will ttyl :)

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^watta? He's only 14!

Also, I'd be careful about 'finding a Sheikh', what if he turns you in? Plus I don't think he'll take you seriously enough due to your age. I'd advise you to get in touch with one of these online shiachat consultancy gp members.

Doesn't matter, the good in doing so far outweighs the bad.

Yeah he does need to be careful about finding a sheikh and unless he is very sure that the sheikh is trustworthy, he shouldn't tell the sheikh......most sheikhs will take him seriously though, regardless of his age, because of the seriousness of the sin. Getting in touch with the brothers consultancy group is a very good idea, maybe just go with that.

wasalaam

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Wooooah! this is going abit too fast id say! im not ready for a serious relationship andyes i am 14, im not that traumatised about my past and do you think that it is wise for me to talk to that guy? also pleeeaase tell me how i can get in toutch with some one who can tell me stuff. A shaikh or somebody. Thanks again.

Besides it isnt me who is passing the abuse, it is a two way thing lol. ho hum.

Edited by mustafa456

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mustafa456:

Everyone in life makes choices. Evaluate the consequences of those choices. If your "gay" and you fancy men that's your problem. Rasulullah (pbuh) had said that this religion consists of nasihah (advice).

The best advice I can give because I am not a therapist and neither is anyone responding to your posts is to encourage you to take up FASTING. Try the fast of Hazrat Dawud (as). Fasting is known to tame and control the sex drive and focus one's mind.

In case you don't know what Hazrat Dawud (as) fast is. It was to fast on alternate days.

Try that and see if it helps. In the mean time find someone to talk and discuss your problems with. It can be a close friend, a relative you trust, or a school guidance counselor.

Keep to Dua as well, Rasulullah (pbuh) said that Dua is the weapon for the mumin.

Edited by Areef Hamdi

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bro, why dont you give MYH (Muslim Youth Helpine) a call.

http://www.myh.org.uk/

0808 808 2008

They deal with these issues on a regular basis, and are not judgemental and completely confidential.

If you are out side the UK just email them at: help@myh.org.uk

Inshallah I pray you find the strength to deal with this issue.

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I'm going to say straight up that anyone who says that being gay is caused by the environment is wrong. It is biological and there is a certain percentage of homosexuality in many other speccies in the animal kingdom. That said, being gay IS NOT against Islam, but ACTING on these homosexual thoughts IS wrong. This is the test that you have been given from Allah, if you pass your reward will be great!

P.S. When you are older don't get pressured into getting married if you can not handle it. If you find that even getting married can not inhibit your actions and desires then it would be very hurtful to the girl you have married and you will be hurting yourself (zina) and her. The fasting idea seems good, it is helpful in controlling your urges. Also find some sort of extracurricular activity to use up your free time and keep your mind off males. Good luck!

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