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mustafa456

Help! Family & Personal Problems! Gay!

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Hi, thanks for the replies...

im making HUGE improvments! im looking at girls more and i try to throw up whenever i think about guys... i just force myself to think "eeiw" and "hmmm nicee" to girls and ive seen one gal in particular that looks sorta allright but there are a few guys who are nice but im rying hard to 4get about them...

If i get the chance to, should i talk to that guy and tell him how i feel? would it get it of my chest or would it make it worse? what should i do?

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Hi, thanks for the replies...

im making HUGE improvments! im looking at girls more and i try to throw up whenever i think about guys... i just force myself to think "eeiw" and "hmmm nicee" to girls and ive seen one gal in particular that looks sorta allright but there are a few guys who are nice but im rying hard to 4get about them...

If i get the chance to, should i talk to that guy and tell him how i feel? would it get it of my chest or would it make it worse? what should i do?

Brother, I may be contradicting the advice of some others, but I would be wary of trying to "train" yourself to be attracted to girls; from what I've seen human sexuality isn't something that can be so easily controlled. You don't want to end up being dishonest with yourself, pretending to be atracted to women when you aren't, and storing up repressed feelings until you have some kind of emotional breakdown. I would also advise against early marriage- it's unfair to the woman, and you're really too young to be in any kind of serious physical relationship anyhow.

My advice would be to find a reputable pschycologist who specializes in treating teenagers and who an help you sort through these issues, and to halt this relationship with the cousin. I would seriously advise you against trying to get involved with this boy you have a crush on; for Islamic reasons, but also because you don't know how he would react to an advance- he could beat you to a pulp, spread negative rumors, who knows what. You really aren't at the age where you should be pursuing physical relations at all.

Also, spend some more time with the qur'an and with other healthy activities or hobbies, and try to avoid staring at these guys you are attracted to. I wouldn't advise going to a sheikh unless you really know him well and trust him to be fair and non-judgmental; these matters are really issues for a psychologist, not for a sheikh.

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......., but I would be wary of trying to "train" yourself to be attracted to girls; from what I've seen human sexuality isn't something that can be so easily controlled.

I agree

Despite your problem, its still haram to look at a non-mahram. Simply, lower your gaze, and occupy your attention elsewhere.

Inshallah, Ba-Haqe Ahlulbayt (as), the guiders of guidance, may you overcome your problem with ease and full success.

Kindest regards

Malek

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yoo geezer ... whats up with u ? leave the sheikhs and muslim help organisation on one side, it wont help

you probably live in england, visit a couple of sikh melas, and see some fit chicks there. go for a brawl, fast rides and some 'panga and danga' .. u probably dont have a brother or a brother figure around u, u need to know how to be a real man,, a macho and rough & tough type. believe me this will get u out of ur sissy-hood of being a gay.

You will get little beating for doing the above in qayamat, but if u be guy u will be screwed bad here and hereafter

and also dont use this chat and msn a lot, thats girly too .. eat doner, start smoking and play some real sport like football or squash, weights training etc

and dont tell ur parents or any family members about this gay stuff, that will just be crazy. dont embarrASS them. u will get out of this soon.

3) No swear words, unmannered replies or racist comments, especially when directed at other members. A warning followed by a temporary ban shall be met. If a member repeats their offensive or racist language, a permanent ban will take place. No excuses.

Edited by -ZeinaB-

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^

your comments were rude and completely uncalled for.

Seriously...im astounded at some of the rude comments in this thread, but seeing as the OP doesnt seem to make much of a deal of it, I wont either.

And to the OP: remember that things like these are a natural phenomenon that result from past experiences (for the most part). I guess it is something difficult to go through, but inshallah if you have the willpower and the determination you can do anything.

These types of things happen to lots of people and we dont even hear about it because people are that ashamed (due to cultural bashing on such people unfortunately). Its great that you have accepted it and are seeking some kind of help; may Allah bless you for your efforts.

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(salam)

Its funny how more than half the people on this topic have forgotten that looking at a non mahram in a way like that is haram under any circumstances.

A much more succesfull method would be having a more religious environment to be around (as others have said) and to remember that stoping one haram by another makes things twice as worse.

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Wooooah! this is going abit too fast id say! im not ready for a serious relationship andyes i am 14,

When I said serious relationship I didn't mean to get married or find some girl and be with her for years or anything like that. What I was trying to get at was to do mutah but to not jump from one girl to the next...stick with the same girl. If you feel that you can control your urges and refrain from haram with your cousins etc without having to do mutah then that's great but if you fall back into haram and can't control it then I think mutah is good (non-sexual mutah if you can)...perhaps with that girl who you think looks alright....if you opt for sexual mutah make sure you use protection and take all possible measures to prevent pregnancy and STD's.

Hi, thanks for the replies...

im making HUGE improvments! im looking at girls more and i try to throw up whenever i think about guys... i just force myself to think "eeiw" and "hmmm nicee" to girls and ive seen one gal in particular that looks sorta allright but there are a few guys who are nice but im rying hard to 4get about them...

If i get the chance to, should i talk to that guy and tell him how i feel? would it get it of my chest or would it make it worse? what should i do?

Alhamdulilah it's good to hear that you're making improvements. But as others have mentioned, looking at girls in the wrong way is also haram, so try to lower your gaze. And I think it would be a really bad idea to tell this guy how you feel, it will make things alot worse.

Brother, I may be contradicting the advice of some others, but I would be wary of trying to "train" yourself to be attracted to girls; from what I've seen human sexuality isn't something that can be so easily controlled. You don't want to end up being dishonest with yourself, pretending to be atracted to women when you aren't, and storing up repressed feelings until you have some kind of emotional breakdown. I would also advise against early marriage- it's unfair to the woman, and you're really too young to be in any kind of serious physical relationship anyhow.

My advice would be to find a reputable pschycologist who specializes in treating teenagers and who an help you sort through these issues, and to halt this relationship with the cousin. I would seriously advise you against trying to get involved with this boy you have a crush on; for Islamic reasons, but also because you don't know how he would react to an advance- he could beat you to a pulp, spread negative rumors, who knows what. You really aren't at the age where you should be pursuing physical relations at all.

Also, spend some more time with the qur'an and with other healthy activities or hobbies, and try to avoid staring at these guys you are attracted to. I wouldn't advise going to a sheikh unless you really know him well and trust him to be fair and non-judgmental; these matters are really issues for a psychologist, not for a sheikh.

I doubt he'd be able to afford a psychiatrist without informing his parents....but if you do bro, make sure the psychiatrist is a practicing and believing Muslim. And as bro trekker mentioned, spend more time with the quran and healthy activities and hobbies.

wasalaam

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^

Great advice giving a 14 year old kid to go do mutah and ON TOP telling him to use protection. No shame?? use your brains, :unsure: who is he going to do muta with?? a 10 year old? or a 30 year old widow? maybe you can give him your number?

Look kid the the best thing is stay away from it all, your young and its very important you get your priorities set.. what your going through is what we call mixed emoticons and feelings, heaps of people go through it at your age, that is why you need to wake up to yourself and realise that been gay aint going to get you know where but into problems.

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^

Great advice giving a 14 year old kid to go do mutah and ON TOP telling him to use protection. No shame?? use your brains, :unsure: who is he going to do muta with?? a 10 year old? or a 30 year old widow? maybe you can give him your number?

.....and where's your shame?? Why aren't you using your brain and a bit of ikhlaq for that matter.

If I had a sister and somebody said that to her, i'd be deeply offended and would probably also give that person a broken nose.

Edited by Malek-e-Ashtar

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..Salam Alaikum..Mustafa..The guy your saying you like when ever you look at him think about Allah (SWT) & think omg astagfirullah..and just look some where else or if you have a lesson with him or something just read a dua init..any dua..just to keep your mind off him..At the moment your only 14yrs old so i think you are gona get out of being "gay"..

& shiachatters (the ones who are being rude)..Mustafa has come here to try to solve his problem..and he's asking us shia/sunni bro'z & sis'z to help so if you don't want to say anything nice or give any advice just don't say anything..

Good Luck

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Mustafa,

DO NOT TELL your that cousin about your feelings!! It will be worse than ever for you and also for him! Trust me!! I am telling you little brother!! This will stand for further waswasa from shaytan to your cousin and also for you.

So, DO NOT even THINK of telling him!

And whenever you think of something like gay....

Do the zikir:

Ya Khairal Habibin wa Mahboob

Salle Ala Muhammad wa Aale Muhammad wa Ajjil Farjahum.

Hope and pray you'll be out of this thing soon inshaAllah.

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Can the people in here realize that if Mustafa tries to feign "straightness" and gets married how unfair that is to the girl and what a distastrous marriage that would be?

Also, I agree that homosexuality is unacceptable for Muslims, but I do not partake in gay-bashing and am not in favor of criminalizing the issue.

Edited by Kaniz-e-Fatima Shiapower

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Guest ya ameer

^ didnt u read the above ayahs in the quran?

as for this kid mustafa...look mate u need a wake up call!! u r a young teenager and ur thinking of a million things at once. u r unsure about yourself and you are in the process of dicovering yourself(as the saying goes). i suggest u do not tell anyone about this because after they know u r going to feel better and relaxed about your 'gay desires' it will make u feel good that everyone knows and u will have this hope that they have to accept it...unless u know they can help u out of this and if u want them too...maybe u shud tell ur family about it and beg them to help u (if u want them too) that will show them that u hate being like this (if u really do hate being like this?)

otherwise i suggest u keep it to yourself and Allah...pray to him the almighty, the most high, fast and in time it will just fade off...ur only 14 man! if u were 21 then it wud be a diferent story u wud have more of an ego and pride. but at your age u gotto struggle! do u not know of the hadith from imam jafar sadiq(s) ''Allah loves most the faithfull youth'' (not exact words). and remember this against all natural laws think ''WHAT AM I DOING!!''

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.....and where's your shame?? Why aren't you using your brain and a bit of ikhlaq for that matter.

If I had a sister and somebody said that to her, i'd be deeply offended and would probably also give that person a broken nose.

Why dont you break my nose tough guy? infact pm me and i will be more then happy to give you my address so you can come break it, maybe if you had abit of common sense you would realise that her post was way out of line, and if i had a l4 year old little brother and some random person online was encouraging him to do muta and above that telling him to use protection!!!!! whats this world coming to?

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^

Great advice giving a 14 year old kid to go do mutah and ON TOP telling him to use protection. No shame?? use your brains, :unsure: who is he going to do muta with?? a 10 year old? or a 30 year old widow? maybe you can give him your number?

Look kid the the best thing is stay away from it all, your young and its very important you get your priorities set.. what your going through is what we call mixed emoticons and feelings, heaps of people go through it at your age, that is why you need to wake up to yourself and realise that been gay aint going to get you know where but into problems.

^ Bro JoeThug..that was so rude to say..she's a sister for god sake..have you got a sister? or a cousin? if someone said that to them how would you feel?..she was just telling what she thought you didn't need to be that rude..maybe you didn't intend to be that was so rude!..i understand what you mean about mutah & the protection bit because yes he is only 14yrs old and it is wrong to tell him to go do that but she's just telling her thought you know what i mean?..bro just chill lol..

(Btw..i'm not trying to be being rude or anything so don't take me wrong :) )

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Bro, try lowering your gaze..and just say astaghfirullah when these thoughts come in to your mind and stuff. Also, keep up your prayer and pray to Allah (swt). Try fasting as some people said. InshALlah everything will be fine. Have faith bro :)

Edited by amTul786

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^ Yeah but most of the gays I have met are sissies >_<

And they lose their manliness in the real sense of the word. They are incapable of reproducing because they don't have sex with the opposite gender. Healthy sex resulting in reproduction is important for the survival of human specie. The real purpose of sex is to breed and multiply, sexual pleasure is there just so you don't get bored of it ;)

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^ Yeah but most of the gays I have met are sissies >_<

So? Most heterosexual men are sissies. In fact, I think all those that use >_< as an emoticon and spend their time generalizing are sissies.

And they lose their manliness in the real sense of the word. They are incapable of reproducing because they don't have sex with the opposite gender. Healthy sex resulting in reproduction is important for the survival of human specie. The real purpose of sex is to breed and multiply, sexual pleasure is there just so you don't get bored of it ;)

Many heterosexual males and females are incapable of reproducing for whatever reason.

The survival of the human species is not in danger. Gay sex is just as healthy as straight sex.

Edited by -ZeinaB-

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^

Great advice giving a 14 year old kid to go do mutah and ON TOP telling him to use protection. No shame??

:huh: So you think it would be better to tell a 14 year old kid to do mutah without reminding them to use protection?

There are two aspects to overcoming the problem. The first is trying to keep away from homosexual tendencies/thoughts/actions and the second is getting to like females. People have suggested to simply stay away from it all. Even if someone successfully manages to stay away from homosexuality and also stays away from it all (which in itself takes an incredible amount of willpower which this kid doesn't seem to have since he's already acted on his homosexual tendencies), then unless they develop feelings for females, they will most probably eventually go back to those homosexual tendencies and act on them. Simply forcing yourself to think ''eww'' to males and ''nice'' to females is probably not going to be enough, and I don't think it's realistic to expect that a natural interest in females will develop over time solely by staying away from homsexual thoughts/tendencies/actions without not actively doing something to develop feelings for females. Actively doing something to develop an interest in females also has the benefit of making the first task easier.

I mean if he is able to stay away from it all and naturally come to like females over time without having to do anything then that's excellent, but I don't think that's realistic and I don't think such risky expectations should be made when the sin is as big and serious as homosexuality. This is mainly why I think mutah is a good option. There's also the fact that he is only 14 and has not experienced being with females and thus what he is going through is most probably based on a pre-made inexperienced assumption and a phase which can be overcome if dealt with in the right way - ie. it would be harder to tell a 30year old male whose been with both males and females to develop an interest for females by doing mutah because he has already been with females and experienced it and he decided he didn't like it.

Can the people in here realize that if Mustafa tries to feign "straightness" and gets married how unfair that is to the girl and what a distastrous marriage that would be?

I agree, I don't think he should get married. He's not mature enough and it will most likely end up being disastrous and very unfair to the girl.

Anywayz, that's my opinion and I don't think I have anything else to contribute to the thread. Good luck mustafa, and never stop making dua to Allah (swt) to help you overcome this.

wasalaam

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^lol

What's next, animals and humans?

All in the name of Freeeeeeeeedom & equal Rights!

Here is a list of few diseases that are extraordinarily frequent among male homosexual practitioners:

Anal Cancer

Chlamydia trachomatis

Cryptosporidium

Giardia lamblia

Herpes simplex virus

Human immunodeficiency virus

Human papilloma virus

Isospora belli

Microsporidia

Gonorrhea

Viral hepatitis types B & C

Syphilis25

A fairly dispartial and well-referenced article by the 'National Association for research and therapy of Homosexuality' on the health risks of Homosexual activities :

http://www.narth.com/docs/whitehead.html

Gay Sex is in no way healthy!

Edited by Malek-e-Ashtar

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:huh: So you think it would be better to tell a 14 year old kid to do mutah without reminding them to use protection?

There are two aspects to overcoming the problem. The first is trying to keep away from homosexual tendencies/thoughts/actions and the second is getting to like females. People have suggested to simply stay away from it all. Even if someone successfully manages to stay away from homosexuality and also stays away from it all (which in itself takes an incredible amount of willpower which this kid doesn't seem to have since he's already acted on his homosexual tendencies), then unless they develop feelings for females, they will most probably eventually go back to those homosexual tendencies and act on them. Simply forcing yourself to think ''eww'' to males and ''nice'' to females is probably not going to be enough, and I don't think it's realistic to expect that a natural interest in females will develop over time solely by staying away from homsexual thoughts/tendencies/actions without not actively doing something to develop feelings for females. Actively doing something to develop an interest in females also has the benefit of making the first task easier.

I mean if he is able to stay away from it all and naturally come to like females over time without having to do anything then that's excellent, but I don't think that's realistic and I don't think such risky expectations should be made when the sin is as big and serious as homosexuality. This is mainly why I think mutah is a good option. There's also the fact that he is only 14 and has not experienced being with females and thus what he is going through is most probably based on a pre-made inexperienced assumption and a phase which can be overcome if dealt with in the right way - ie. it would be harder to tell a 30year old male whose been with both males and females to develop an interest for females by doing mutah because he has already been with females and experienced it and he decided he didn't like it.

I agree, I don't think he should get married. He's not mature enough and it will most likely end up being disastrous and very unfair to the girl.

Anywayz, that's my opinion and I don't think I have anything else to contribute to the thread. Good luck mustafa, and never stop making dua to Allah (swt) to help you overcome this.

wasalaam

You dont seem to understand what you have put forward is not practical for him and on top going into detail about your so called "advice" which is not going to solve anything but put more doubt into the kids mind, you just typed up a page of information which is getting him nowhere.

I'll make it simple for you: 1st your a girl your the last person he should seek advice from in this subject, 2nd you have reccomended something which is impossible for him, muta isnt as easy as you make it out to be, this is too funny his 14 for crying out loud!! who is going to give him their daughter to do muta with? or which girl who is old enough and fits the requirements for muta is going to do muta with him?

Its been said many times by our prophet if you cant marry fast, sometimes you just have to hold yourself back.

The material form and its impulses (manifested through the nafs) are reigned in during fasting. All the things which give strength, vigor, and life to the body and nafs are terminated - the attachment is reduced, denuded, weakened. We cease to consume and are no longer able to enjoy what feeds our physical form and with that cessation we begin to unhook the clamps which bind us to the most basic goods of this world. We undo the shackles which tie us through our physicality to the world. By penetrating to the very root of our attachment, to the most fundamental layer, to the very seat of our creaturely connection to the world - food, water, sex (the three cardinal symbols of life) we overturn their dominion and arrive at a position where we, for a time, subdue them.

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There is this dude i know for the last few years whos sunni muslim. He was around 18-19 when he told his parents that he was gay. After some counseling with the local sheik his parents married him off to a girl in pakistan and she moved to sydney with him 6 months later. they have a 2 years old boy now..

Last year he went to india for his brother's wedding where he met this guy and they lived together for 3 months. he says he feels complete when he is with a male partner.

Homosexulity is like a disease it can be controlled but CANNOT be cured.

Edited by Fardeen

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There is this dude i know for the last few years whos sunni muslim. He was around 18-19 when he told his parents that he was gay. After some counseling with the local sheik his parents married him off to a girl in pakistan and she moved to sydney with him 6 months later. they have a 2 years old boy now..

Last year he went to india for his brother's wedding where he met this guy and they lived together for 3 months. he says he feels complete when he is with a male partner.

Homosexulity is like a disease it can be controlled but CANNOT be cured.

I feel sorry for his wife.

This is what happens when you try and "fix" gay people.

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(salam)

mustafa...

i think u should stay away from that cousion of urs and personally i believe even if ur gay u should still think of it as wrong and haram if u dont see this point and u think that being gay and having a relationship with the same sex is fine then go ahead do it but when u die ull find out how everyone warned u and u will be punshied, so take my adivce if u cant help it then live alone and give that time to who it rightfully belongs to (Allah <swt>) and He will reward u

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You dont seem to understand what you have put forward is not practical for him and on top going into detail about your so called "advice" which is not going to solve anything but put more doubt into the kids mind, you just typed up a page of information which is getting him nowhere.

I'll make it simple for you: 1st your a girl your the last person he should seek advice from in this subject, 2nd you have reccomended something which is impossible for him, muta isnt as easy as you make it out to be, this is too funny his 14 for crying out loud!! who is going to give him their daughter to do muta with? or which girl who is old enough and fits the requirements for muta is going to do muta with him?

Its been said many times by our prophet if you cant marry fast, sometimes you just have to hold yourself back.

The material form and its impulses (manifested through the nafs) are reigned in during fasting. All the things which give strength, vigor, and life to the body and nafs are terminated - the attachment is reduced, denuded, weakened. We cease to consume and are no longer able to enjoy what feeds our physical form and with that cessation we begin to unhook the clamps which bind us to the most basic goods of this world. We undo the shackles which tie us through our physicality to the world. By penetrating to the very root of our attachment, to the most fundamental layer, to the very seat of our creaturely connection to the world - food, water, sex (the three cardinal symbols of life) we overturn their dominion and arrive at a position where we, for a time, subdue them.

I can understand some of where you are coming from, but I disagree overall with what you have said and I am sorry to say the manner in which you have decided to say it.

- Yes I agree with you that fasting and abstinance would be an ideal approach for a person with difficulty in finding marriage.

- But if a person is going to do something haram like homosexual relations, and if doing mutah (something halal) will help them avoid that sin, then it should be recommended. I think sister Ruqayah did a good thing to advise Mustafa about all his options, he can decide what he think will help him the most.

- I agree with you if the advice was given to your 14 year old brother who was completely innocent from adult affairs it would not be appropriate. But the person to whom the advice was given has admitted to having knowledge of and being involved in adult affairs, so if he continues to need an outlet for these desires because they have been awaken within him and he is finding it too difficult to subdue these desires through other means (as you have suggested abstinance) then it is useful for him to atleast know that there is an option for him out there where he can satisfy these desires through a halal means.

- I agree with you that it is difficult to find a partner for mutah. But I think it is difficult for men of all ages, not just 14 year olds. But it is certainly not impossible. A 14 year old boy could with some effort find an Ahl Kitabi girlfriend/temporary wife. I dont know where Mustafa is, but if he is in the west I dont think it is a complete impossibility. Nowadays 11 and 12 year olds start dating in school, and at 14 and 15 it is very, very common. Girls mature faster than boys, so it should not be overly problematic for Mustafa to find someone from school. For example my brothers friends all had their first girlfriends by 14, 15 and 16.

- I think it may be worth trying for Mustafa. Because it is halal, it isnt impossible and it may help him be interested in other areas. If it doesnt work, he can try something else, he wont have done anything wrong because it was halal. From a general ethical point of view, as long as he is honest with the girl and saids he wants something temporary and doesnt deliberatly mislead her emotionally or hurt her, he will be ok as well. The mutah does not even need to lead to sexual relations, the companionship alone could be useful for Mustafa.

- Finally I hope you can consider what you said to Sister Ruqayah, about giving her number. I am sure if you think about it you will realise that this was very wrong and shouldnt ever be said to a muslim lady. Even if you thought she was wrong, you shouldnt s[Edited Out]e to the very bottom of indecency and say such an immoral thing. It may seem wrong to you what she said, but even if you dont understand or agree with her reasoning, I am sure with a bit of analysis you can see that she was saying this only with the intention to help him not to corrupt him, she did not say something unfamiliar to him or beyond his level of innocence, she offered advice so that he knows his halal options. You are certainly allowed to disagree with others, but there are ways to disagree and debate with others that maintain a level of acceptable decency and courtesy. If you continue to debate this, I think the proper thing would be to take this comment back or to appologise for this comment because it was innappropriate, after that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you continuing to disagree with others and following your own position on this issue.

Please do not take this as a lecture, none of us are perfect, I often make many mistakes, I am advising you of this point as a muslim (as we are supposed to encourage each other to do good) just in case you have failed to consider this view. I may be wrong that you wish for advice from one muslim to another, but I am just doing as I wish others will do for me if they fell I am mistaken. No harm to anyone is intended, I do not wish to be rude or harsh to you.

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Hi and thanks for ALL your help.

I have understood that i must perform Jihad Al Akbar and i will try.

I am going to think more about girls and i have tried it, its not making much difference.

It will be hard to refrain but what shall i do about that one boy? the boy that i fancy the pants off? the one that i just want to hug and kiss? the one i want to be with?

Im doing alot of research and this one girl told me not to think about it bou if i am to think about girls and... its too dificult!

Plus i CANNOT tell anyone in my family or they will not speak to me and maybe kick me out of the house because they are strong beleivers.

How can i get in toutch with a scholar, learned person or anyone that is wise and can help me further?

I say picture this boy doing the most descusting thing you can think of like a thing you hate so much you would not like him anymore!! and train your mind to see him doing this everytime you see him!! also try imagening what kind of woman you would marry and have children with!!

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(salam) hi all im no expert so i wont risk giving advice that may do more harm than good. but i am intrested if anyone here has herd of or knows of a gay man that turned stright, that seems to be the advise this kid is being told, "just change your feelings" is it that easy or is it even possible?

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ukh! stop being pessimistic.

Still, i'm assuming its rare, and even if it isn't I doubt anyone would come clean about it, so we can't really know if:

1) Anyone is a homosexual

2) was one and has come out straight

3) Still remains one.

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(salam)

Well, I have some advice although I'm not sure how hopeful it will be.

We all have different situations that we encounter.. Some of use have family issues, health defects, emotional disorders, addictions, and even sexual confusions. You must keep in mind that it is just a huge hurdle in life to jump over, and once you do everything else will be a peace of cake. Basically I have mainly family issues due to being the only Muslim in my family out of all the Christians. I know that if I can resolve this issue by learning to adapt to my family and also perform my duties as a Muslim that all the other small things in life won't phase me. Everyone has different situations so not everyone is going to relate to my situation. My advice to you brother is to remember this whole attraction for men is just a mountain that you have to climb, once you're over this mountain everything else will be bumps in the road requiring no effort to pass since you have the experience of climbing a mountain. So just train yourself to strive to do good, only way you can succeed is by trying. Allah is not a butler who answers every call at your wish. You have to learn to walk the mile yourself a lot of times. Hope this helps!

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(salam)

Brother, nice to see someone my age in here! I'm also 14 years old. And believe me - there's nothing that can't be helped by the will of Allah (swt), you just have to be a part of it yourself to show that you're committed to it.

It's a GREAT idea to start praying, not only the 5 daily prayers - but everytime you're in the mood for asking, thanking and so on. God loves those who ask. Don't call yourself gay, then you'll remain it.

If you're ever home alone and you experience homosexual thoughts, put on a tape or cd of Islamic chants or recite verses of the Qur'an to distract your mind, afterwards go perform wudhu and pray a do'aa - you know what they say, that when you say "Allahu Akbar" at the beginning of your prayer, you leave this world and all worries in this world. Doing this will give true meaning to the phrase "A'udho billah min al shaytaan al rajim" (I seek refuge in God from the Satan the cursed one). If you're at a location where you can't pray, focus your mind on something else, be disgusted by your thoughts and think about girls, not touch or look at them - just think, your imagination is open to anything!

Imagine at the pleasures and beauties of a girl and at bedtime - try and imagine yourself having intercourse with one and imagine yourself enjoying it soo much. Meanwhile, if the thought of a boy just happens to cross your mind, then think about all the unattractive things about them. A religious environment is also good and it shouldn't be so hard for you because as you said, you have a religious family. Oh yeah, someone mentioned going to bed tired - I don't recommend that - I've experienced not being able to wake up for Fajr prayers because I went too late into bed.

And keep making supplications to Allah (swt), and learn how to pray Salatul Lail & Salatul Ghufaila. There are also moments recommended for praying, moments where the Gates to Heaven are open.. Some of these are:

  • When wind is blowing
  • At noon
  • When raining
  • At dawns until sunrise

You can also make prayers to the 14 Infallibles, asking for their help as well and their mediation.

It may all seem like a big handful but it's not. It's only difficult if you want it to be :)

I'd looooooove to help you all that I can - even though 'jihaad al nafs' is supposed to be private, I am going through the jihaad myself - and I don't see why we shouldn't be able to help each other out. You can just reply to this topic and we'll figure something out :).

Fi amaan Allah!

Wassalam.

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