Feeling Guilty After Mutah

[razkam]

Salams,

I am a student and have many chances to do mutah, but everytime avoided it; as I was thinking that my ultimate goal is Permanent marriage. But recently I couldn't control it and I had Mutah with a girl following all the procedures.

Now after doing it I am feeling guilty....don't know..I am kind off feeling that I have done something bad, even though Mutah is Halal.

Any ideas or advise??

Thank you

Khudahafeez

[Cyan_Garamond]

Imams have spoken well of mutah at times so leave this type of thinking if you respected all the rules and were good-mannered. In Islam, the concept of chastity does not hinge on virginity. If it did, none of the Masooms could be chaste--nawzubillah. You seeked a legal option to satisfy the natural desires God created you with. You even held out for your true goal--nikah; however, mutah was made legal for your very situation, so why should you feel guilty?

[Jondab_Azdi]

Marry her permanently or make a commitment to marry her.

[Bonafide Hustler]

I know mutah is permitted in shias, but its a controversial issue for me, and for that fact only, i woudlnt even ever think bout doing mutah, i dont get how so many poeple jus do mutah like that, i mean even if it is halal

id only do mutah if it was a very desperate situation, like some girl was in bad need of some kind of help, and it wasnt at all moitvated by love or attraction

[Cyan_Garamond]

I know mutah is permitted in shias, but its a controversial issue for me, and for that fact only, i woudlnt even ever think bout doing mutah, i dont get how so many poeple jus do mutah like that, i mean even if it is halal

id only do mutah if it was a very desperate situation, like some girl was in bad need of some kind of help, and it wasnt at all moitvated by love or attraction

It's because you're a Pakistani.

[Abu Hadi]

Salams,

I am a student and have many chances to do mutah, but everytime avoided it; as I was thinking that my ultimate goal is Permanent marriage. But recently I couldn't control it and I had Mutah with a girl following all the procedures.

Now after doing it I am feeling guilty....don't know..I am kind off feeling that I have done something bad, even though Mutah is Halal.

Any ideas or advise??

Thank you

Khudahafeez

You should never feel guilty about anything as long as your actions are within the halal.

I agree that permenant marriage is a better solution, but this is not possible always

You should keep trying to get permenantly married, and do mutah in the meantime.

Also, when you do get permenantely married, you should not lie about the fact that you have done mutah

(like most guys do). Of course, only reveal this information if you are asked directly

All good marriages are based on a foundation of trust, spouses should never lie to each other

[Akbar673]

I see we have only male responses to this question. I'm very curious to know what our sisters have to say about this.

[lalala123]

It's because you're a Pakistani.

:unsure: :unsure: ???? :unsure: :unsure:

[lalala123]

It's because you're a Pakistani.

:unsure: :unsure: ???? :unsure: :unsure:

[lalala123]

Salams,

I am a student and have many chances to do mutah, but everytime avoided it; as I was thinking that my ultimate goal is Permanent marriage. But recently I couldn't control it and I had Mutah with a girl following all the procedures.

Now after doing it I am feeling guilty....don't know..I am kind off feeling that I have done something bad, even though Mutah is Halal.

Any ideas or advise??

Thank you

Khudahafeez

I think so long as you obeyed all the laws of conducting a Muta with a girl then there is nothing to feel guilty about. So long as you both knew what you were doing then it's ok isn't it??

I think it is hard to accept for some because of cultural influences telling us that it is unacceptable even if it is halal. It would be hard for me.

Culture can't turn what is halal into the haram even though it might try to.

[Guest SayedM'sSister]

Salam

Brother as many other brothers stated before you should neither feel guilty nor ashamed it was made for cases like yours. As for mohamad16 it is made halal in the quran for all muslims not just shia.

Wasalam.

[Bonafide Hustler]

Salam

Brother as many other brothers stated before you should neither feel guilty nor ashamed it was made for cases like yours. As for mohamad16 it is made halal in the quran for all muslims not just shia.

Wasalam.

where in the Quran sis?

even if its halal, id stay away from it cuz its mostly used for the wrong reasons, and more importantly, ur tempted to use it for the wrong reasons, once u get in a certain situation, ur thinking mutah is an easy way out

thats why id stay away

[Guest SayedM'sSister]

Salam

[Forbidden to you] are married woman, except what your right hand possesses. This Allah has written for you, and all other women besides these are permitted to you, so that you may seek them out with your wealth, seeking chastity and not fornication. So when you have contracted temporary marriage [istimt'atum] with them, then give them their words. There is no sin on you for whatever you agree to after this. Indeed, Allah is Knowing, Wise.

Al-Qur'an, Surah An-Nisa, Ayah 24

http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/en/chap3.php

[Bonafide Hustler]

Salam

[Forbidden to you] are married woman, except what your right hand possesses. This Allah has written for you, and all other women besides these are permitted to you, so that you may seek them out with your wealth, seeking chastity and not fornication. So when you have contracted temporary marriage [istimt'atum] with them, then give them their words. There is no sin on you for whatever you agree to after this. Indeed, Allah is Knowing, Wise.

Al-Qur'an, Surah An-Nisa, Ayah 24

http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/en/chap3.php

thankyou

ill look further into this, however 99% of the time, mutah is motivated through fornication and not chastity in todays world, this is why only the strongest of muslims should even consider it.

[Zuljenah]

I'm a sister! So I'll give my 2 cents.

I think it's great that you are feeling guilty. I don't mean that in a bad way. :unsure: I mean, it shows that you did not want to do something that could be seen as wrong (i.e., mutah) or make you feel as though you did something wrong.

But now since you've done it and are feeling guilty... The girl you did mutah with, might she be someone you want to permanently marry? If so, maybe you can consider that...

[shukranlillah]

Salam brother.

Another sister here.

Alhamdulillah that Allah has prevented you from haram things! Do shukr to Allah for that.

Mutah is halal. So no guilt for that.

May Allah reward you for the way you adopt in these days of crisis where people hardly do it in halal ways. You've seeked a legal option to satisfy the natural desires Allah created you with. May be without this action you are about to fall in haram. Better to do mutah than doing namaz and zikir and stuffs with the thinking of girls!! (let aside some other single actions!) There are many reasons of making it halal in Islam. Mutah is not only to give helps to some females but also to help ownself!

Yes, sometimes some halal decisions are found to be not worth after sometimes but that doesn't mean it was a fault or it was a mistake or it was a gunah. May be you are thinking of further circumstances. May Allah save you always for the bad circumstances of halal things! If your future permanent wife ask you before or after your marriage about it then tell it frankly with the circumstances that halal is the only way to avoid haram.

May Allah grant you a Mumina spouse so that along with her you could meet your Lord, inhsaAllah.

Best wishes and duas..

Fee Amanillah.

Edited March 14, 2007 by shukranlillah

[Guest Power Of 786]

I know mutah is permitted in shias, but its a controversial issue for me, and for that fact only, i woudlnt even ever think bout doing mutah, i dont get how so many poeple jus do mutah like that, i mean even if it is halal

id only do mutah if it was a very desperate situation, like some girl was in bad need of some kind of help, and it wasnt at all moitvated by love or attraction

I totally agree with you, i too dont support Mutah, i know its halal but it sounds weird to me! Just get married if your're so desperate for something, no father will want her daughter to be seen by any man who is just there for her for few days or hours or whatsoever.

And a dignified girl, in my point of view, wudnt be doing Mutah just to please herself or to please the man, how can anyone just let it happen to them!! I wud die but i wudnt do this!

Sorry, but its totally my opninion!

[Kay]

(salam)

First of all brother you shouldn't feel guilty for the many reasons others have stated above...

and secondly....

I love how people suggest permanent marriage instead of muta'h. I can tell you that a religious person or even a semi-religious person would obviously choose permanent marriage over a temporary one and he/she should. But it doesn’t always work that way. Especially if you are from an Asian culture, marriage is a long process which requires the involvement of parents, siblings, friends etc etc. I mean I cant just show up at my house with a girl and tell my parents yeah we had our wedding (nikkah) done yesterday at the mosque and expect them to accept me. They would not and would be furious, regardless of the proper nikkah and the girl being decent and Muslim either. So from my point of view muta'h is halal and should be practiced if one needs to, if parmenent marriage is not an option.

w/s

[nada1603]

Sister here.

I always thought Mutah was allowed only in exceptional cases. That is, if one is travelling and goes to a country where a family is in dire need of support, for example a widow etc. I've heard that is why Mutah was introduced in the time of our Holy Prophet (S.A.W), in order to support those widows in need with no aid or support for their children had they any and the whole thing about satisfying one's own needs was secondary to the actual purpose, which was to lend help to those unfortunate.

Also, when you say 'girl', I do hope you mean someone who's either divorced or widowed, because I've also heard that Mutah is haram with a virgin. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

From a sister's point of view, I only see Mutah as beneficial if it is to support the woman as I mentioned before. Mutah for the sake of one's own desires, I think is inexcusable and that is only my own opinion. I apologise if it offends you. If you committed Mutah for reasons like the aforementioned then you don't need to feel guilty, instead you'll actually get Thawab inshallah but if it was just because you didn't have any self-restraint... well then Allah is the only one to judge.

Edited March 14, 2007 by nada1603

[Laraib]

Saalam

Brother like most the people have already mentioned you shouldn't feel guilty at all. It is better than commiting a sin is it not? Cultural influences might make you feel guilty but you haven't done anything wrong. Perhaps later on, when you are more stable with a career you could consider getting permanently married to the girl? Might make you feel better.

As for Mutah being Haram with a virgin, no it is not. According to most marjas a girl whos a virgin needs her father's permission before getting into a Mutah.

Wasalam

[nada1603]

Saalam

Brother like most the people have already mentioned you shouldn't feel guilty at all. It is better than commiting a sin is it not? Cultural influences might make you feel guilty but you haven't done anything wrong. Perhaps later on, when you are more stable with a career you could consider getting permanently married to the girl? Might make you feel better.

As for Mutah being Haram with a virgin, no it is not. According to most marjas a girl whos a virgin needs her father's permission before getting into a Mutah.

Wasalam

Oh ok. Though, I remember when I was doing Islamic Studies GCSE and my teacher, who'd spent seven years in a Hawza in Qum told us that Mutah is indeed haram with a virgin because it defeats the point. Why would the virgin just not go and marry someone permanently? It has dire consequences for her later on in life whereas it wouldn't make much of a difference to a man. Say if a virgin was in a Mutah Nikah and then the time goes up and the husband leaves, she still needs to get married and society isn't very likely to accept her if she's not a virgin.

But if it's permissible then who am I to argue. I still think it's wrong though.

[~RuQaYaH~]

(salam)

Nothing to feel guilty about - what you did was halal and you even held out this long. I don't think you should marry this girl permanently if she is not right for you simply because you did mutah with her. As for continuing to do mutah till you get married - I think you should try to avoid mutah as much as possible till marriage if you can coz the more partners you go through, the lesser love and appreciation you will have for your permanent wife. Also, if you go through too many partners, you may come to a point (as some people do) where you actually feel cold towards your partner (whether mutah or permanent) and it becomes a purely physical thing.....so I think only do it again if you really need to, otherwise try and abstain from it.

wasalaam

[shukranlillah]

instead you'll actually get Thawab inshallah but if it was just because you didn't have any self-restraint... well then Allah is the only one to judge.

Being not self-restraint in some halal cases... does it matter sis?

Somebody needs spouse and being a student getting the permanent wife is somehow not possible.. his post clearly states that he needs a halal spouse from before this mutah... he was thinking of girls before this temporary option... so isn't it better to have some halal ways to satisfy ownself?? I'd like to state it again that it is better to have a legal girl aside while doing the namaz than thinking of non-related girls there!

Probably most of you didn't see the cases where mutah is badly needed with your own eyes. Being self-restraint is not always possible.. this is not a fault.. this is normal since Allah has not made this body to live alone on earth. It needs the pair of it!

Let us do dua for all the shias of Ali (a) so that they could find their legal permanent spouses as soon as possible.

Fee Amnaillah.

[nada1603]

Being not self-restraint in some halal cases... does it matter sis?

Like I said, I can't really judge. But I'd have thought, to abstain long enough and marry permanently would bring greater satisfaction and peace. I've always seen Mutah as a desperate or last resort. As I mentioned, it was only introduce so when soldiers would go to foreign land, they can abstain from committing sin ASWELL as support the widowed/divorced woman and her family.

I do apologise, I don't mean to be offensive, but can you understand why this is a bit difficult to grasp for my own sensibility?

[shukranlillah]

^ Sis, it is not only for soldiers or in foreign lands or for helping widows. These are reasons but not all reasons. :)

It is good if somebody abstain long enough but if it is not possible then the mutah comes for an option. I just wanted to focus on its necessity other than your reasons. Thus it is not a fault, not a mistake.. rather it is sometimes necessary to preserve the chastity, not to fall into sins or to get out of already done sins.

Sis, I can understand why it is tough enough to belief but Islam considers all probable cases. Sometimes cases are extreme for the victim but normal or easy in our understandings. Islam has rulings for the personal healings aslo. You can not deny it when you are not the sufferer. So islam allows mutah to be done before and after permanent marriage also for some major cases. And sometimes some brothers' cases are major enough to preserve their chastity!

Sis, it's okay that every one has some different views and understandings. But please do consider other's problems and cases and also please learn about the extreme cases when sometimes things (eg. mutah) are obviously to be done to avoid sins. The focus is on how to avoid sins!

Okay I think I should stop now.

Best wishes and duas for you. :)

Fee Amanillah.

Edited March 14, 2007 by shukranlillah

[Islamic Salvation]

"O Prophet! Why bannest thou that which Allah hath made lawful for thee.........."

Suratul Tahrim (Chapter 66) The First (1) Verse

[~RuQaYaH~]

Salam

[Forbidden to you] are married woman, except what your right hand possesses. This Allah has written for you, and all other women besides these are permitted to you, so that you may seek them out with your wealth, seeking chastity and not fornication. So when you have contracted temporary marriage [istimt'atum] with them, then give them their words. There is no sin on you for whatever you agree to after this. Indeed, Allah is Knowing, Wise.

Al-Qur'an, Surah An-Nisa, Ayah 24

http://www.answering-ansar.org/answers/mutah/en/chap3.php

Thanks for posting the verse sis. I just wanted to add that I've noticed that when the holy quran talks about a controversial issue (such as mutah and I think the male/female inheritance verse also) the verse often ends with ''And/indeed Allah is knowing, wise'' as opposed to ending it with attributes like ''And/indeed Allah is most exalted, high'').....thus if Allah makes something halal or haram, there is a greater wisdom behind it and we should always have faith that he knows better than us.

And a dignified girl, in my point of view, wudnt be doing Mutah just to please herself or to please the man, how can anyone just let it happen to them!! I wud die but i wudnt do this!

Please refrain from passing judgement on women who do mutah (which Allah has made halal)....people are often faced with difficult circumstances - and even if they weren't, at the end of the day it's still halal and someone should not be called undignified for doing something halal.

Like I said, I can't really judge. But I'd have thought, to abstain long enough and marry permanently would bring greater satisfaction and peace. I've always seen Mutah as a desperate or last resort. As I mentioned, it was only introduce so when soldiers would go to foreign land, they can abstain from committing sin ASWELL as support the widowed/divorced woman and her family.

I do apologise, I don't mean to be offensive, but can you understand why this is a bit difficult to grasp for my own sensibility?

I agree that abstaining long enough and marrying permanently would bring greater satisfaction and peace - but that doesn't make mutah bad. And as has been mentioned, mutah was not introduced just for soldiers - that is one major reason for it but not the sole reason.

wasalaam

Edited March 14, 2007 by ~RuQaYaH~

[nada1603]

Heh well not to be narrow-minded or anything but I personally can't come to terms with Mutah unless under extreme circumstances. But hey, that's just me. I respect all of your opinions and suggestions. I have nothing against it because after all, it is Halal, but at the same time I'm not exactly overly pleased that someone will do Mutah because they couldn't wait long enough.

[fyst]

Now after doing it I am feeling guilty

you've got issues, dude.

[DerFeldMarschall]

Heh well not to be narrow-minded or anything but I personally can't come to terms with Mutah unless under extreme circumstances. But hey, that's just me. I respect all of your opinions and suggestions. I have nothing against it because after all, it is Halal, but at the same time I'm not exactly overly pleased that someone will do Mutah because they couldn't wait long enough.

And how long do you think they should have to wait and why when mutah is perfectly permissible.

[Renaissance_Man]

It's understandable why you'd feel guilty after doing muta. The reality is that for most Muslims in the West, muta is no different from dating. Reciting a couple of lines in Arabic and exchanging money may make the encounter halal in the eyes of the shariah but your conscience may not agree especially if you've been raised with traditional eastern values where love and intimacy are supposed to happen within the context of marriage.

If the girl you had muta with was Muslim then perhaps you should consider pursuing a long-term relationship with her that would lead to marriage. That could be one way to make the muta seem more meaningful so you won't feel guilty about it.

[BintAlHoda]

guilt is an innate feeling that is sent to us to guide our actions. i don't think it's benficial to tell someone "don't feel guilty" when only that person knows the exact details of his/her situation. it is said that we have the "external prophet" and the "internal prophet". the internal prophet is our conscience. if you feel guilty about something, you should reflect on why you feel guilty, repent for things you could have done better, and learn from the experience and do things in the future in a way that you won't feel guilty about.

[Hasnain]

It's because you're a Pakistani.

Slave-women are also halal, doesnt mean you have to own a couple :dry:

Some horn-dogs :dry:

[Liggel]

Being self-restraint is not always possible.. this is not a fault.. this is normal since Allah has not made this body to live alone on earth. It needs the pair of it!

This is a dangerous statement. It is alright if we use this argument to encourage people to get married early. However, saying that "self-restraint is not always possible" can actually do more harm than good. There are many people in this world who have no means whatsoever to have any halal sexual outlet. But Islam still requires them to be fully and completely chaste. So if these people are repeatedly told that they should get married or they will fall into haram; then it is likely that they would be forced to think that since they cannot get married, so they have no choice but to fall into haram. This is why there are men who fall into sin and later on say "they had to do it" - only because they had heard that Islam says get married or you fall into sins!

This is why it is so important to preach complete self-restraint and total sexual abstinence before marriage. Otherwise, statements like "self-restraint is not possible" can be misunderstood and used as a justification to fall into sins by those who are unable to get married. It is best that advocating early marriages goes hand in hand with promoting full pre-marital patience and complete self-restraint and abstinence. This is not impossible. This is what Allah expects and requires from people who cannot get married....

"And let those who do not find the means to marry keep chaste..." (24:33)

This verse proves that it is not just possible but also required to be chaste before marriage. We must highlight this verse to our young generation so that they are not misguided into believing that if they cannot get married, then they have to fall into sins because sexual desire cannot be suppressed! Had this been true, Allah would have allowed un-married people to engage in sexual activity (astaghfirullah).

[Guest Power Of 786]

Thanks for posting the verse sis. I just wanted to add that I've noticed that when the holy quran talks about a controversial issue (such as mutah and I think the male/female inheritance verse also) the verse often ends with ''And/indeed Allah is knowing, wise'' as opposed to ending it with attributes like ''And/indeed Allah is most exalted, high'').....thus if Allah makes something halal or haram, there is a greater wisdom behind it and we should always have faith that he knows better than us.

Please refrain from passing judgement on women who do mutah (which Allah has made halal)....people are often faced with difficult circumstances - and even if they weren't, at the end of the day it's still halal and someone should not be called undignified for doing something halal.

I agree that abstaining long enough and marrying permanently would bring greater satisfaction and peace - but that doesn't make mutah bad. And as has been mentioned, mutah was not introduced just for soldiers - that is one major reason for it but not the sole reason.

wasalaam

sis like i said before, its my own personal opinion, and sorry but i cant change what i feel. I would never allow my daughter or son to do Muta just to please themselves, like a sister here said, that only if the girl is widow or if she is facing some problem which can only be solved by Muta than its ok but not for the desires to be fulfilled! A person can live without it, its not something that he'll die if he dont do. Again ill say, only if the matter is serious and out of control that it involves the chances of death or something, than only i wud make it acceptable, otherwise no, never!

Neways if im wrong, than i wish Allah guides me to the right way of thinking.

And a girl or a boy who have never be seen by some other person(muta, etc) has its own charm when they get married. They'll know that they were able to control themselves and are untouched or unseen and they will only be seen by that one person who they are marrying.

Edited March 15, 2007 by Power Of 786