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In the Name of God بسم الله

For Brothers

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as-salamu alkium wa rahmtuallhi wa barakahatu :Hijabi:

personaly when i get married>>inshAllah<<i would neva look at a men not that i do now but if i did look at a man afta i was in a sextual way well den it is ma kufir n ma husband has to do the best he can(nt dat dat will eva happen astfarililAllah) but when and before u get married u should do ur best to restrict u gaze at the opposite sex..so if ma husband was to look at anda women it will be his kufir n i will let Allah judge him.

Ma'salam

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Guest So Solid Shia

If your wife happens to start noticing other men, then the problem doesnt lie with her....it's gotta be your fault cuz a decent pious hijjabi of a wife wouldn't do that unless you been acting offkey with her.

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I'd kill her!  God, I'd slit her throat..

Breaths..

Breaths..

Breaths..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

(salam)

Well brother Ali...Take Care of ur self. We dont want a Heart Attack (God 4Bid) on such a person... :cry:

N well as far as the question is concerned...

I wont like it at all. My wife noticing other men! :huh: Its fine if its just like PEHLI NIGAAH...One look..just by mistake...I wont like her noticing someone else than me...Like staring n stuff.... :angry:

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Not really, it has nothing to do with trust or insecurity.  It's the principles..  How would you as a guy feel that the love of your life is staring at another man while shes with you?  It's a stab int he back.

BKK, you're telling me it wouldn't eat you inside out if your wife stares at someone else when you're by her?  Not a single bit?  Dude.. I'D KILL HER!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It sounds like you need some professional help.

I find it hard to believe that you wouldn't feel attracted to a good-looking woman, whether your wife is with you or not, maybe you would try to avoid looking around to notice such things, but it is inevitable that in certain circumstances you would, and your attraction to a member of the opposite sex is natural.

Therefore what is wrong with your wife feeling attraction to a man besides you? Women have sexual desires too you know, and you're not the only man on the planet. It's not a stab in the back because it has nothing to do with you and to think that your wife is feeling attracted to other men whilst in your company in order to hurt you is evidence of your arrogance. What a joke. The world doesn't revolve around you you know.

We need to get over this tendency we have to control every aspect of womens' lives simply because they are women. They are human beings and deserve the same respect and entitlements as we do.

Edited by The Enigma
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  • 6 months later...
Guest SayedM'sSister

^ nobody said attraction...looking at the man, like noticing him while being with your husband is going to make them jealous and hurt...nobody said dont get attracted...just dont show it in any way....

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I would obviously not like my wife doing that. There's finding someone good-looking, and then there's commenting on it, dwelling on it and continuing to stare. Disgusting. If you think someone looks good, you're supposed to avert your look, not talk about it and try to forget about it.

Salaam,

to be perfectly honest, if my wife didnt find Brad Pitt good looking then I would think something was wrong with her lol

Wasalaam

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A lot of ppl don't find Brad Pitt good looking.
She can think anyone is pretty, thats her right, its her nature.. but to actually have the nerve to lift her eyes and LOOK at another guy while she's with you , thats when you get the whip out..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So it's ok for her to do it behind your back?
hmm.. are you forgetting that looking at the other sex, regardless of whether your man is by you or not is haram?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's not haram if it's not lustful.
PS...this is just for the bros...don't you like it when girls stare at you?  :!!!: Don't deny it!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm sure you wouldn't know what that feels like.
(salam)

Its just a look! No harm. Just noticing. C'mon bros....am I wrong? Bro wahashimi where are you? Help me out here.

Btw, it is harder living in a western environment. More of a challenge.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's not harder living in a Western environment. And girls hate what you call "just a look". Hadn't it been a sin or penalty for it, girls would lunge at guys who stare and poke their eyes out.
Salam un Alaykum,

Unfortunatly, in the west, one becomes very "independent,"  Maybe I am wrong, but some brothers/sisters{<--especially} become so "independant" and are so used to this "independance" that they might run into trouble in marriage, becuase marriage is not at all about "independance."

Iltemas e dua

Khodahafiz

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's not about independence. It's about respect. It is very disrespectful to imply that you don't trust that a person will make sure she doesn't do haram.
Salaam,

Women dont do that man. I know I might sound Naive....but men have a particular habit on applying the way their minds work towards women.

It is true men think much more about sex than a woman does and it is true that men look more to looks than a woman does.

My personal belief is that if a wife is thinking of another man while being intimate with her husband, then the husband is to blame, because he must be doing something seriously wrong in the relationship, causing the wife to feel lost and lonely and a failure, when these feelings set in with a wife and if they go unchecked, eventually the mind will wander.....but my personal belief is that it isn't the woman's fault. You can push a woman so far and you can only put stress on a lady so far...eventually she will become unhappy....unhappiness breeds doubt....doubt breeds questioning....questioning breeds unfullfillement and a feeling of being trapped in a relationship....eventually your wife will start "wishing" that u were a better person, or that you would treat her better....and when she sees another man accomplishing this somewhere else....her mind will wander...as the whisperings of Shaitaan seize this weak and desperate moment in her mind

so what does this tell you???

KEEP YOU WIVES HAPPY BOYS!!!!

NEVER MAKE THEM FEEL THEY HAVE LOST OUT!!!

A Woman have given her entire life to you, her body and her mind, she gives birth to your children, stands by you through thick and thin....and most importantly she wants you to be happy and to become close to Allah(swt) every day.

Men wish for something that can achieve those things for most of their lives, however some fail to realise that person has been sitting by them all their lives and they already had it....

:)

Wasalaam

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

THANK YOU !!!
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  • 2 months later...
  • Advanced Member
Salaam Alaykum,

THIS IS A SERIOUS POLL

How do you feel brothers is your wife notices other men. She doesn't necessarily do anything haraam at all in anyway whatsoever. Are you the type of man who cannot accept it at all...or are the the type of guy who understands that there are Brad Pitts, George Clooney's and Johnny Depp's out there and it is understandable as she doesn't act on her feelings it is just something she might see on a TV set?

Wasalaam

(salam)

I will never like it and I don't expect her do this....as I expect she will never like me involving in haram.....

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  • 4 months later...
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okay this is what I think.. if something is beautiful and attractive you can glance .. dont STARE.. you shouldn't stare anyway..

When I see a drop-dead gorgeaus grl I tell my hubby "omg baby look she is so pretty".. but i know he wouldn't do the samething.. i guess grls are different and have more understanding :wub:

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I always do this to jealous men.

Men like a challenge.

(salam)

In a family, "emotional security" and "unconditional love" can be a lot more helpful. This doesn't hold only for couples, but also parent-child relations.

In this case, by giving each other "emotional security", mates will be more attracted to each other, than if they play politics to attract their spouse. I suggest you reading Abraham Maslow's Love in Healthy People.

Islam, by limiting two mates relationship with non-mahrams is in part trying to provide mutual emotional security.

(salam)

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Advanced Member

(salam)

Sorry if I am bothering anybody since I am replying in the Brothers Forum.

If I said, "smalla" about the opposite gender, or my "husband" did, I would have no reason to want to kill him or fight with him. That is insecurity and lack of trust. Its different if he kept staring and was like,"Wow, yikhzil 3ein, smalla smalla, 3yuna mitlil amar!"

Then I would just be like, "Yerra Neerrd." :dry:

Fi aman illa

--F

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  • 1 month later...

Take it from me, chances are a decent pious imhajabeh woman , MIGHT see another guy, but she will automatically say "estugferrallah" and then feel guilty. that is the ultimate pious woman.

i was engaged once, to a non emhajabeh, and i would always notice her looking at other men, we would argue, and in the end, its not a matter of ur wife doing it or not, its if u married the right girl.

it never ended up working out with me and her, and the day it all fell apart, she automatically went out and started meeting up with other guys etc etc and now she is a lose cannon.

but what im trying to say is if u find a decent true hearted muslimah , she will never disrespect u. she will constantly be thinking of ways to make u happy, as u would be for her.

the point is , if u marry a DECENT MUSLIM girl then u will have no issues, which inshallah will happen to me one day lol, until then stay away from the "MTV" girls because believe u me they are the ones who will make ur heart burn.

from personal exp thats alll

salams

deebo

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