Exam answers for GCSE

[Socrates]

The following questions and answers were collected

from last year's GCSE

exams, and are some of the answers given by British

students writing their

fifth form (Year 11) GCSE Exams last year. These are

genuine responses!!

(16 years old and stupid - But we love 'em. They cheer

up a teacher's day

no end)

Geography

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be

made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it

removes large pollutants

like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them

perspire.

Q: What is a planet?

A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the

Moon. All water tends to

flow towards the moon, because there is no water on

the moon, and nature

abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this

fight.

Sociology

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?

A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are

well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are

elections?

A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male

gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get

intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to

his adultery.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?

A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the

cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised?

(e.g. abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts - the

brainium, the borax the

abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the

borax contains the

heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the

five bowels, A,E,I,O

and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?

A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a

condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."

A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a

characteristic feature?

A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they

look like umbrellas.

Technology

Q : What is a turbine?

A : Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head.

English

Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you

understand its

meaning.

A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

My personal favourite:

Q : What is a turbine?

A : Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head. :P :P

[FreedomFighter]

(salam)

my personal favs:

Q: What does "varicose" mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

I always like the corny ones :lol:

[~*sara*~]

lol!!!!...so youth of ali have u just done ur GCSE's???...the results are comming soon.... :P ..you will do will inshallah (if u r in yr11 tht is lol)...i have my GCSE's next yr...:(:(

[Nida_e_Zahra]

hehe youth...i think i wrote similar answers in the biology paper...how wud i know wot the hepatic vein was...when we didn't even have anyfin of tht sort in the revision guides...oh btw...how wud we know wot happens to the skin when we have never tried suntan lotion.....

yep sara...u r scaring me man.....as it is i am having nightmares....its bad having ur best friend around in the skool of ur choice...but its worse not being able to go to the skool

anyway...about the answers: lllllloooooollllllllllllzzzzzzzzz :D

now this is funny:

Q : What is a turbine?

A : Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head

Q: What is a seizure?

A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?

A: When you are sick at the airport

Edited July 20, 2003 by Nida_e_Zahra

[Nida_e_Zahra]

and sara i am warning you....start revising NOW!!!! lol

[~*sara*~]

well the summer holidayz havnt even begun and ur telling me to revise!!!lol...i'll have to see coz i reallllllllllly cant be bothered right now..i finsihed my exams right and get this...they crammed in hundreds of courseworks in this last half term...IT, RS, maths, 2 english essays on the crucible (load of [Edited Out]), physics coursework on resistnace which so far i have got 8/8 for the planning and 7/8 for obtaining......im well happy..!!lolz...and biology coursework on osmosis...iv had enough of skool at the mo..and revisin for my GCSE's right now is wayyyyyy out of the question! :P

i refused a trip to italy tho in april next year:(..coz of my exams!!!:(...i didnt know tht it would be in the easter holidays when they told us about it yea..and they fitted in a shopping day just 4 me..and im not even going now!!!:(:(..BUT...i know i made the right decision..nobody disagree with me now!!!lol

[Nida_e_Zahra]

yea u did the right decision...

i can't go to karachi now coz of my stooooopid gcse results which i am not even gonna pass ;)

and i can't go to india in december for my cousins wedding coz i have my first physics AS exam in January!!!

talk about what you have to leave coz of skool :no:

hey i got tht for the resistance coursework....i got 7 for the osmosis....but it wasn't gonna go anyway....and i got 7/8/8/6 analysis...obtaining evidence...planning and evaluation...for the rates of reaction coursework...it got sent off to the examiners....they said they werent gonna return it...but i want it back!!

[~*sara*~]

rates of reaction!!!!!!!!!!1...OMG...i have tht in september...did u do it on manganese oxide/sodium thiosulphate or whatever..or something else????i need to know!!!lolz

btw how comes ur physics exam is in jan????y isnt it in the summer like everyone elses???...its a shame about the wedding...:(...but hey ur exams are far more important..

[Nida_e_Zahra]

sodium thiosulphate....it was fun....(we were planning to pour it on all the boys' heads...but tht wud be like too mean).....

abt physics...they are like doing it in sections...as in if u have like 3 modules to cover for AS...and u have like 4 terms in the whole year....then they'll sort of combine the modules and then do the exams like every two terms or sumthing like tht....i am confused...but the folks did say tht... oh well... and coz of exams i missed two of my other cousins' shaadis as well...sooooo unfair u know.......and this time i really wanted to go to karachi...but i can't :(

[Socrates]

sara, do all ur coursework NOW and I mean it. I was doing coursework till easter year 11 and i was screwing - dnt do it - do it NOW!

[Nida_e_Zahra]

whoa youth??? till easter??? we finished our science crswrk in yr. 10....and my maths crswrk got stolen....then it was returned....then it got stolen again coz of tht stupid teacher..i had warned him to take care of it....buddha khoosat sarooo...and he was like yelling @ me for carelessness...thnk god i got it bk....i wud have killed the person if it was him the second time....

anyways...yea sara...go ask ur teacher wot the topic for ur crswrks are...i bet u knw tht already...and at least do some research now...it wud help....without any panic :)

[Socrates]

whoa youth??? till easter???

Baji, Im bad *runs to hide*

[Nida_e_Zahra]

yea mate u better run away b4 i come n beat u up

(like i can ever do tht to sum1 older)

:P

*whack* x 100 for the naughty boy! :D

[Guest so_solid_shia]

GCSE'S are minorrr!!!!! if any of you lot flop i will have to seriously find out where you live and laugh at your doorstep. THEY WERE PROPER EASY!! AND ZAFFAR SINCE UR DOING FOUNDATION LEVEL IN EVERYTHING, YOU SHOULD GET ALL PASSES ! HEHEHEHEHEH

YOU LOT SHOULD PREPARE FOR THE HARDEST EXAM IN YOUR LIFE .....A-LEVELS :D FORGET GCSE. START CRYING NOW ALL U CHILDREN MUAHAHAH :shaytan: ALHAMDULILLAH IVE BEEN THERE DONE THAT :D university is sooooooo easy, just go in, walk around a bit pop ur head in once in a while in lesson an go home an sleep. thats it. :!!!: :!!!:

let ME KNOW WAT U GET ZAF INSHA Allah IM SURE YOU PASSED WITH FLYING TURBONS, U BOFF.

[Nida_e_Zahra]

lllllooolllllz @ so solid....

i swear zaf is doing higher tier in all of em!

and hes gonna tell me first....if i am alive till then :P

[Socrates]

let ME KNOW WAT U GET ZAF INSHA Allah IM SURE YOU PASSED WITH FLYING TURBONS, U BOFF.

Lol bro exposing me on shiachat :angry: :mad:

Inshallah I will do good lol

I know I am dreading A levels wallah.

[AlShe3eyah]

Salam

What do you mean year 11 , .. such as grade 11 ?? i Never did a test like that in grade 11 .. !!! i'm going into grade 12 and i have absolutely NO idea what you guys are talking about ..!!

WaSalam

[Nida_e_Zahra]

yep yr 11 is same as grade 11/class 11/ 11th standard

nah i tht we do High School exams (yr 10) and Intermediate Exams (yr 12) in most countries :P (thts like a paki way of explainin :) )

GCSEs are basically high school or board exams if u know wot i mean

[AlShe3eyah]

yep yr 11 is same as grade 11/class 11/ 11th standard

nah i tht we do High School exams (yr 10) and Intermediate Exams (yr 12) in most countries :P (thts like a paki way of explainin :) )

GCSEs are basically high school or board exams if u know wot i mean

Sister/ Brother ..

I really am not trying to be rude or anything . And if i DO insult you in any way please tell me and i will be deeeeply sorry . I never understand what your saying , are you speaking english or paki / english ?? . Again i am very sorry , and please accept my apologies .. may Allah forgive me if i did insult you in any way .

WaSalam

[khalf_al_Quaed]

what are GSCE's?

[Henna]

what are GSCE's?

GCSEs= General Certificate of Secondary Education ^_^

It's a two year course which people begin at the age of 15 (year 10 in the uk) and the final exams take place in the summer of the final year... meanwhile you are occupied with like twenty pieces of coursework (if you do art GCSE), which all counts towards the final grade. For each subject you take you get one GCSE- from the grades A*- U (i think ungraded it the lowest :donno: ) but a C is bad enough :(

After this, people can leave school or go on to doing their AS and A2 levels, which are 10 times worse :Hijabi:

[Henna]

buddha khoosat sarooo

:o

Sara!!!!!!! Look at the influence you are having on poor Nida- either you talk to her using our phrases, or it's a scary coincidence :Hijabi:

[Nida_e_Zahra]

really am not trying to be rude or anything . And if i DO insult you in any way please tell me and i will be deeeeply sorry . I never understand what your saying , are you speaking english or paki / english ?? . Again i am very sorry , and please accept my apologies .. may Allah forgive me if i did insult you in any way .

no hard feelings sista...paki to me means short form of pakistani...what i meant by thts a paki way of explainin is tht thts what GCSE's equal to in India or Pakistan... :) n u never said anything mean or horrible...the thing is tht i have a habit of leavin the sentences vague :P....i guess i need to get over tht :)

[Nida_e_Zahra]

Sara!!!!!!! Look at the influence you are having on poor Nida- either you talk to her using our phrases, or it's a scary coincidence

nah sista it isnt ur influence....its my cousins influence who uses these words all the time... in fact i used tht word coz i was chattin to her :P