HILARIOUS EXAM ANSWERS!

[safdarhassan]

Salaams to all.

I just had to post this!!!

Actual student GCSE examination answers.

This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.

They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the

Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the

Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their

children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened

bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount

Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't

have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice.

They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death,

his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and

threw the java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans

because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides

of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.

Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the

fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same

offense.

13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the

futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote

literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while

standing on his son's head.

15. [sorry, this ones censored!!]

16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented

removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the

circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he

invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised

the world with a 100 foot clipper.

17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was

born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money

and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and

hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example

of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote

Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise

Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great

navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships

were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's

Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people

died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all

this.

21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in

their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post

without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay

for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented

Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers

of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by

rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself

cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure

domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to

keep bare arms.

23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. His mother died in

infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.

Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.

24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire

invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the

autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large

number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept

up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most

famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half

Italian and half English. He was very large.

27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote

loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling

for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted

into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since

Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in

the East and the sun sets in the West.

30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.

She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event

which ended her reign.

31. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a

naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered

radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

32. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an

anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

[Renaissance_Man]

(bismillah)

(salam)

LOL :lol: Good stuff

[Nida_e_Zahra]

llllloollllllllllzzzzzzzzz...i wish i cud rite these answers in da exam :D

[Henna]

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened

bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount

Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

:lol:

[Saahir]

LOOOOOOOLLLZZZz!!!!!!!!

[Guest so_solid_shia]

"CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS CIRCUMSISED THE WORLD WITH A 164 FOOT CLIPPER"

HISTORY GCSE EXAM EARLY 90'S

[Henna]

looooooooooool