Education vs. Marriage

[FreedomFighter]

(bismillah)

(salam)

Ok, recently i've been having this discussion with many people...Is education more important or marriage? I always say I don't want to get married because I want to finish my education...but I DON'T want an excessively long education...I want something in between so that not only do I have a decent job, but I can have time for my kids, and raise them well...not send them to day-care etc. However, some certain important figures in my life (*cough* parents) believe in the TOP education and nothing less (typical Irani parents) I don't want to talk back either, so I feel kind of stuck...

So my question to you all (especially the married people) is if education is more important or marriage? Both have their importance in Islam...and both are essential for a prosperous life...

For the married people....do you think if you had studied more, gotton a higher degree (PhD), you would have had a better life...? If you did get a high degree, was it worth it...?

I hope you understand my question here :donno:

I'd love some feedback :)

Wa'Salam

[Gypsy]

Education is very important for both Boys and Girls. Is there is any reason why you believe that you cannot combine both Education and Marriage? There do go hand in hand.

[FreedomFighter]

(salam)

I believe they DO go hand in hand, but then again, I don't want to end up studying my whole life (which I feel will happen if I want to become a doctor)...I admire those who dedicate their lives like that...but I feel as if they is something else that is of great importance as well (especially as a female)...

What I would want to study, in my opinion, will give me a good life and a decent job, it may not be as high as a doctor...but I feel it's sufficient...other people don't.

[Slave_Of_Fatima]

in my opinion, my family will come first as soon as I have my first child (inshallah) I will leave work! Children need a lot of love and care, and I don't intend on missing out on any little part of my kids upbringing - Inshallah!

Someone once said to me that its not just education that is important, lifes experiences can be enough

[waiting]

The market for highly educated, well-manned and religious shia men is limited. So the higher you go up, the higher your standards will be, and you will have a much harder time finding an acceptable partner.

On the other hand, if you get married with a man when you are relatively uneducated, and then pursue your education, you might 'grow out' of the man unless he also gets to your level somehow.

[pasdar1]

Salam un Alaykum,

I'd say they should go hand in hand. My mother married right when she got her diploma. She also had two children {one being me} but regardless, both she and my dad went to the university while me and my bro were growing up. One would take morning classes and the other would take evening classes, and they would trade the kids between themselves.

Sometimes they would take us to their class too :)

And when time was tights, they let one of the BEST sister's I know, take care of us...

In this fashion, niether me nor my brother felt the distance of our parents, nor did we feel any pressure, and in this way, My Mom got her doctors in Pharmacy and my Dad got his Doctors in Engineering.

And they are both Iranian, who think education is really important, but they did not sacrifice their kids for it.

May Allah bless them.

I only remember once, when my dad scolded us becuase we made my mom read books to us at night, and so she did not have time to study resulting in her not passing some test.. :squeez: , but thats the only time I remeber my parents studies affecting my growing up. And even that one, if my mom was their when my dad was scolding us, she would have scolded him for scolding us :D

Nothings like a mother :)

Ilteams e dua

Khodahafiz

[roya]

this is my plan: marry a PhD and get my PhD then so he can support me. :)

[FreedomFighter]

(salam)

in my opinion, my family will come first as soon as I have my first child (inshallah) I will leave work! Children need a lot of love and care, and I don't intend on missing out on any little part of my kids upbringing - Inshallah!

sis, that's pretty much how I feel, that's why sometimes I think to myself, what's the point in getting my doctors, my children are more important...especially if I want to raise them as good muslims with Islamic education in this God forsaken society...they would need a lot of attention and care...that's why i've been so....confused....as to what to do....

However, Masha'Allah bro Pasdar's story seemed to give me hope...a highly educated mother and father raised Masha'Allah good muslim children....that's exactly what I needed to hear :)

[FreedomFighter]

this is my plan: marry a PhD and get my PhD then so he can support me. :)

(salam)

Your marrying a PhD...? :huh:

[roya]

this is my plan: marry a PhD and get my PhD then so he can support me. :)

(salam)

Your marrying a PhD...? :huh:

grr :angry: ... a man With a PhD ... insha'Allah.

[FreedomFighter]

this is my plan: marry a PhD and get my PhD then so he can support me. :)

(salam)

Your marrying a PhD...? :huh:

grr :angry: ... a man With a PhD ... insha'Allah.

oh lool, I figured....it's almost 2:00 a.m.....go sleep :shaytan:

speaking of sleep....*yawn*

[roya]

this is my plan: marry a PhD and get my PhD then so he can support me. :)

(salam)

Your marrying a PhD...? :huh:

grr :angry: ... a man With a PhD ... insha'Allah.

oh lool, I figured....it's almost 2:00 a.m.....go sleep :shaytan:

speaking of sleep....*yawn*

khanoum, when I get back there, we're going to brawl ... or go see M.E.C.C.A, k?

[Henna]

I was having a similar sort of debate with a non muslim friend at the bus stop yesterday lol- well it wasn't marraige based, but she was saying that she wants to leave school after her GCSEs and isn't planning to go to uni or anything because she knows she wont be happy studying half her life, and wants to do something creative which she thinks she can do after getting a basic education...

LOL- u should have seen my face!!!! I think I sed WHAT!!!!! abit to loudly... anyeay it lasted for 45 mintutes and it is still to be continued :shaytan:

WELL, as you can see I'm really for studies and everything, but marriage is equally important to me (or even more) and thats why I want to (inshallah) marry straight after I graduate from uni (about 23). But a lot of my friend want to be doctors and therefore are planning to do 7-9 year courses, which of course would mean a lot of extra years of study... which I for one, wouldn't personally want, but seing as I don't think I want to head in that direction, my studies don't appear (as of yet) to present a problem. I guess it depends on what you want to be in the future.

Personally I want to have a career in an area I enjoy and am good at, but more importantly I want to marry by 23, and have a family etc. I wouldn't want my studies to get in the way of that :)

[Nida_e_Zahra]

whaaaaattttttt....doctor courses don't take like 7-9 yrs....my cousin was a doctor when she was 26 (dont ask me how!!!!)......then she got married and still continued her education!!!!!!!!!!!

well my mum says tht i shud bcome sumthin first n then think bout marriage.....so for now...education is like the top priority...marriage will come afterwards....in about like 50 yrs time or sumthin j/k :D

[AnotherIraqi]

I'm a medical student and I don't understand why you think doctors don't marry.. most of the muslim doctors I know are married.

Here in UK it's 5-6 years of study, so you're about 23 or 24 when you start working and earning money. Yes it's hard, unsociable hours compared to other degrees and professions, but believe me I know a lot of lazy students as well as dedicated ones and there are loads of branches of medicine which are suitable for people who want to work 9-5 or part-time (general practice, dermatology, psychiatry, radiology, ophthalmology, audiology, pathology, etc).

The nice thing about medicine is that you are genuinely helping the sick and vulnerable and making a difference to people's lives. For me, it's a blessing from Allah that he has given me the talent and opportunity to become a doctor. When I sit with friends and they tell me about their day's work in their bank or business, I listen with interest. All honest work is important and honourable. But then I tell them about the child a saw that day with a rare genetic disorder which manifests as behavioural problems like self-harm, and screaming at night, and autism. And I see what his parents go through, yet their love and dedication to their child. Or how that day I've helped deliver a baby, or how I've been in theatre and observed someone with ovarian cancer that has spread all over her abdominal organs, and the surgeon struggling to find a way to improve her prognosis. Or like when I was doing Plastics, I saw a fireman who had been in a motorbike accident and lost his wife; he had to have both his lower legs amputated, and he had burns all over his face and body. His kidneys were ruined too. But he was trying to be brave and make the most of what he had left in his life. Or the little girl who was born without external ears, she just had little bits of cartilage and was due for an operation to create some for her - her biggest wish was to have "pretty ears like her sister". It made feel silly and shallow for complaining about my looks, as we girls are prone to do.

You are in such a priveleged position, you have a real glimpse into the tragedy and sometimes happiness in people's lives, and once you qualify, you are actually in a position to influence such things. It's not just a job, it's life and death and illness from morning till night. If you want any job that constantly reminds you of the might of Allah, and the brevity of this life, something that puts your grumbles and worries into perspective, then medicine is ideal.

Ok, maybe fewer men would be interested in me because I will have such long working hours. But the world needs muslim female doctors, and I'm willing to make the necessary sacrifices. However, it really is hard work, one stiff exam after another, so much pressure, people shouting at you, and yes, less time to spend with your family. I would recommend it to any girl who's bright and keen to do something worthwhile with her brains. But I also respect those who steer away because they want more time with their future families. It's entirely your choice.

I probably haven't helped much! :P

[Henna]

The nice thing about medicine is that you are genuinely helping the sick and vulnerable and making a difference to people's lives. For me, it's a blessing from Allah that he has given me the talent and opportunity to become a doctor. When I sit with friends and they tell me about their day's work in their bank or business, I listen with interest. All honest work is important and honourable. But then I tell them about the child a saw that day with a rare genetic disorder which manifests as behavioural problems like self-harm, and screaming at night, and autism. And I see what his parents go through, yet their love and dedication to their child. Or how that day I've helped deliver a baby, or how I've been in theatre and observed someone with ovarian cancer that has spread all over her abdominal organs, and the surgeon struggling to find a way to improve her prognosis. Or like when I was doing Plastics, I saw a fireman who had been in a motorbike accident and lost his wife; he had to have both his lower legs amputated, and he had burns all over his face and body. His kidneys were ruined too. But he was trying to be brave and make the most of what he had left in his life. Or the little girl who was born without external ears, she just had little bits of cartilage and was due for an operation to create some for her - her biggest wish was to have "pretty ears like her sister". It made feel silly and shallow for complaining about my looks, as we girls are prone to do.

You are in such a priveleged position, you have a real glimpse into the tragedy and sometimes happiness in people's lives, and once you qualify, you are actually in a position to influence such things. It's not just a job, it's life and death and illness from morning till night. If you want any job that constantly reminds you of the might of Allah, and the brevity of this life, something that puts your grumbles and worries into perspective, then medicine is ideal.

Thats the exact reason I ever concidered becoming a doctor sis, it was one of my childhood dreams (as well as being a teacher, novellist etc etc) :) - I was having this discussion with my cousins last week and they were saying 'but I thought you wanted to help people' when I mentioned which direction I thought I'd be heading, and of course, helping others is so important to me and i'm sure everyone else wants to do this one way or another...

Here in UK it's 5-6 years of study, so you're about 23 or 24 when you start working and earning money. Yes it's hard, unsociable hours compared to other degrees and professions, but believe me I know a lot of lazy students as well as dedicated ones and there are loads of branches of medicine which are suitable for people who want to work 9-5 or part-time (general practice, dermatology, psychiatry, radiology, ophthalmology, audiology, pathology, etc).

whoops- ok my mistake :D I've been listening to my friend too much, she said she won't be done until she's 27 and shes planning to be a heart surgeon so I assumed all doctors would have to study for quick a long time ;) hehe- didn't mean to put anyone off :D

[FreedomFighter]

I'm a medical student and I don't understand why you think doctors don't marry.. most of the muslim doctors I know are married.

Here in UK it's 5-6 years of study, so you're about 23 or 24 when you start working and earning money. Yes it's hard, unsociable hours compared to other degrees and professions, but believe me I know a lot of lazy students as well as dedicated ones and there are loads of branches of medicine which are suitable for people who want to work 9-5 or part-time (general practice, dermatology, psychiatry, radiology, ophthalmology, audiology, pathology, etc).

The nice thing about medicine is that you are genuinely helping the sick and vulnerable and making a difference to people's lives. For me, it's a blessing from Allah that he has given me the talent and opportunity to become a doctor. When I sit with friends and they tell me about their day's work in their bank or business, I listen with interest. All honest work is important and honourable. But then I tell them about the child a saw that day with a rare genetic disorder which manifests as behavioural problems like self-harm, and screaming at night, and autism. And I see what his parents go through, yet their love and dedication to their child. Or how that day I've helped deliver a baby, or how I've been in theatre and observed someone with ovarian cancer that has spread all over her abdominal organs, and the surgeon struggling to find a way to improve her prognosis. Or like when I was doing Plastics, I saw a fireman who had been in a motorbike accident and lost his wife; he had to have both his lower legs amputated, and he had burns all over his face and body. His kidneys were ruined too. But he was trying to be brave and make the most of what he had left in his life. Or the little girl who was born without external ears, she just had little bits of cartilage and was due for an operation to create some for her - her biggest wish was to have "pretty ears like her sister". It made feel silly and shallow for complaining about my looks, as we girls are prone to do.

You are in such a priveleged position, you have a real glimpse into the tragedy and sometimes happiness in people's lives, and once you qualify, you are actually in a position to influence such things. It's not just a job, it's life and death and illness from morning till night. If you want any job that constantly reminds you of the might of Allah, and the brevity of this life, something that puts your grumbles and worries into perspective, then medicine is ideal.

Ok, maybe fewer men would be interested in me because I will have such long working hours. But the world needs muslim female doctors, and I'm willing to make the necessary sacrifices. However, it really is hard work, one stiff exam after another, so much pressure, people shouting at you, and yes, less time to spend with your family. I would recommend it to any girl who's bright and keen to do something worthwhile with her brains. But I also respect those who steer away because they want more time with their future families. It's entirely your choice.

I probably haven't helped much! :P

(salam)

aww...sister, that's such an, inspiring story :cry: I know what you mean about helping people....that's the dream I have, to help children in one way or another :)

Thanks for that post! it really was touching :(

[Gypsy]

Sis

Sometimes you get more than you bargain for

I got married in the hope that I am fulfilling my deen, having a friend and partner in time of pain and joy and InshaAllah for the little kid to come to this world. Now he is encouraging me (rather strongly) to do my master. Oh..well all I can say is marriage sometimes do bring you things that you never expected.

Education and marriage goes hand in hand.

Edited July 15, 2003 by Zareen

[roya]

sis Zareen: I'm happy to hear that he's encouraging you to get a degree now :) You should go for it.

the question can easily be Career v Marriage. I mean, some of us have careers to think about that may not exactly keep us in the same city as the other half.

[Guest rafidite]

in which case perhaps find a(nother) half who doent mind you travelling...yep hard to do perhaps. It will impinge on how freely you travel. There is one elder sister I know of. She is/was a journalist. She recently lost her mother, otherwise id harrass her in gving you pointers on how to juggle it all.

Edited July 15, 2003 by rafidite

[roya]

in which case perhaps find a(nother) half who doent mind you travelling...yep hard to do perhaps. It will impinge on how freely you travel. There is one elder sister I know of. She is/was a journalist. She recently lost her mother, otherwise id harrass her in gving you pointers on how to juggle it all.

what makes you think I was talking about myself? :angel: as every day goes by, I wonder more and more if this is a path for a muslimah. I'm so frustrated sis. it sucks that it could come down to a choice btw the two.

[Guest rafidite]

ok i cant think of that womans name.. you know the jounalist that is always in palestine.. but you dont necessarily have to be like that to be a journalist. I know the decision between marraige and career is hard. .. not that you have to give up your career.. just maybe take it on in a different fashion perhaps (one tha tyou dont prefer). If this is what you really enjoy and will really serve the community with then continue on your path. You said you wanted to do your phD, well if its impossible to travel all the time, you could try academia and get your views out there just as well.. you would only have to find eyes which you trust, that can act on your behalf elsewhere.

That being said dont worry about something that hasnt occured yet. Do what youre good at and producing good results in now, when the time comes you will inshallah make the right decision.

ok youre tempting me to contact this sister .. hmm.. ill talk to a few who are closer to her and see what i can come up with.. there are actually a few sisters (muslimahs) who are in this field. It would be nice all the same to get their views on this topic.

[ShiaMuslim]

Salaam,

I too think that marriage and education can go hand-in-hand. I think everyone should try to get the highest level of educatin possible because the Prophet (S.A.W.) highly recommended education. Also, Islam highly recommends marriage. That means that both are important.

ws

[Gypsy]

sis Zareen: I'm happy to hear that he's encouraging you to get a degree now :) You should go for it.

the question can easily be Career v Marriage. I mean, some of us have careers to think about that may not exactly keep us in the same city as the other half.

I got married a month ago and I am not seeing him until Christmas :cry: that is 6 months from now. When you get married you try to understand each other and there is always sacrifice to be made. After marriage you dont see who's career is more important and whose isnt and who have to sacrifice his or her..etc

what you do is "Sit down and decide the best options for both. Now .. everything is not he or she but us"

[FreedomFighter]

sis Zareen: I'm happy to hear that he's encouraging you to get a degree now :) You should go for it.

the question can easily be Career v Marriage. I mean, some of us have careers to think about that may not exactly keep us in the same city as the other half.

I got married a month ago and I am not seeing him until Christmas :cry: that is 6 months from now. When you get married you try to understand each other and there is always sacrifice to be made. After marriage you dont see who's career is more important and whose isnt and who have to sacrifice his or her..etc

what you do is "Sit down and decide the best options for both. Now .. everything is not he or she but us"

(salam)

The whole "us" thing is very nicely said sister Zareen and very true, Insha'Allah all our spouses will be as selfless and understanding as that :)

But still, it's not HIM who will endure 9 months of pregnancy, it's not HIM who has to go through actual labor, it's not HIM who has that motherly love and motherly -- even-though-my-child-is-hundreds-of-miles-away-I-know-what-he/she-is-going-through sixth sense thingy -- you know? I think that women have a lot more resposiblity in raising a child in a marriage...that's what lead me to my question of what's more important, education or marriage....?

But I think I got it all figured out Alhamdulillah, thanks to some of the inspiring posts as well as other things.... :)