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Salam everyone, I have been trying to find what sayyed sistani speaks on a wife’s obligations to her in-laws and vice versa. I was told that I do not have an obligation towards my husbands family except showing respect. Does anyone know the answer to this?

I heard from some one that some marjas allow anal sex and others say its makrooh, is this true? i thought anal sex was haram!

Salam everyone, I know with the older generation, some don’t believe in mental health but I feel my anxiety becoming worse since I got married. & my husband knew about me anxiety going into the marriage but I don’t think he knew how bad it was. I have trouble driving, being alone & meeting new people. When I meet knew people especially people that are important to him, I tend to avoid it as much as I can because I fear they won’t like me. My in-laws are amazing but everytime I go over I feel like I’ve failed them because I don’t speak Arabic well & I can’t have a proper conversation with them. My husband says he understands but called me a bad daughter in law because I chose not to go. my cry for help is how do I deal with this? My husband hurt me but I can’t change, my anxiety takes over my life.. I wish I can drive without fearing anything or going somewhere by myself or meeting people with so much confidence. What can I do so I don’t burden my husband? I believe that I’m burdening his life with my mental health issues & im tired of being upset by it everyday. Any marriage advice or mental heath advice please

My question is clear and it is in relation to loyalty within marital relationships only.. I will elaborate furthermore in case it’s not understood.. If a man is allowed to marry more than one wife.. how then can he claim to be a loyal person? What can we understand from the Qur'an / Islam in general when it comes to loyalty / faithfulness? I hope my question is clear..

(Bismillah) Salaam Alaykum I am in a dilemma with using online matrimonial website and I am not sure what to do. Recently, I was getting to know someone for marriage. I saw her picture but she hadn't had seen mine yet. The conversation went really well and we were hitting it off. After about an hour or two of talking, I showed her my picture and she suddenly changes her mind and says essentially (paraphrasing) that I am an amazing person but attraction is important for her too and she wasn't feeling that and just like that, she ended it. Earlier in the conversation she was really impressed and "mind blown" with how I converted to Islam, asking me about my ziyarat experience, hawsa and so on. But it seems like none that about me mattered anymore because of the attraction. Its happened before too. One girl after seeing my full length picture declined (I am not fat or obese, I am a regular at gym and sports), another had similar issues. I am starting to draw the conclusion that it really does not matter how "amazing" and "mind blowing" someone is, its means zilch, if you don't like their face? I guess my questions are: 1) How much importance should attraction hold? 2) From now onwards, should I just get a picture swap done straight away to avoid a repeat? Having said all this, I do agree that there can be a nervousness about speaking to someone who hasn't shown you their picture yet (for whatever reason) and you're slightly worried that what if you just don't feel any chemistry when you do see their picture and how do you break that too them. So from one perspective, I am glad these girls were just honest. As you can see, I am confused. What's the moral/right way of going about all this?

Assalam alaikum, Seeking the guidance from you guys, it’s a matter of my 3 young kids (boy 15 - girl 12 - girl -9). Obviously I love my wife ... I made a blunder made a mistake that cannot be undone and I think I have already paid heavy price for it... I did Mu’tah with a Muslim woman, had a child out of it who is 2 years old now... and I am in contact with her once in a year... it was two years ago, my wife came to know about it and left the home since then I am living alone ... my wife lives in his cousin home, I have done everything she demanded, sell the home and gave her maximum money, paying expenses for children every month... she was melting a bit as I continuously pleasing her .. she hasn’t ceased having conjugal relationship... she too loves me and was understanding that my mistake was big but she is ready to move back to me, but the problem is her brother who are not letting her come back to me as they are demanding to bring my second wife and in front of them I should give talaq saying that she was my mistake... for which I do not want to do, I cannot humiliate a woman. now her brothers threatened me that my wife would take a qula if I don’t do that... how can she take qula when she was having physical and loving relationship with me? What are the basis that she can get qula? I was providing her with home and other necessities and more over requesting her to comeback home so that I can talk to my second wife and settle things... what do I do? I’m in a very complicated situation... I love my kids and my wife very much and do not want to loose them.. on other hand I have responsibility of my other wife and child... can I let marja to contact her brothers and convince if I’m on haq. your help and advise would be appreciated and inshallah will dua for you in Karbala as I will be doing arbayeen there. p.s: I live in Australia and my other wife live in India along with the child.

Salam I've been dealing with this question for some time now and was wondering what your thoughts would be about its answer. What's the right level of husband and wife showing love and affection in public? Some people don't seen to care about it at all; they hug, kiss etc. in public; Some are more strict. And most would simply say, "that's ok, let'em enjoy their time together." But I think it has different aspects; every culture has some sort of decency norms in this regards. like what would you feel if your parents kissed (that kind of kiss) in front of you? or if it's ok, what would you think of a Shaykh or scholar who holds the hand of his wife walking on the street (obviously more intimate gestures seem more shocking). Some time ago, I met one of my friends with his wife on the street, he introduced his wife to me like "this is *her first name* my beloved wife." Then after some time, I have a class about Protocols with foreign visitors and the teacher of that class -who looked, sounded and acted pretty 'westernised'- said: "Under any circumstance, one never introduces his wife to a male friend, it has a very bad meaning!." What are your thoughts?

salam everyone. im iraqi and the person i want to marry is lebanese. we are both shia and both follow sistani. i started speaking to him 2 years ago and told my mum within 3 months of speaking to him. she spoke to my dad and he straight away said "we don't know him or his family and not lebanese" obviously i was hurt but i expected it. i asked my oldest brother for help but he didn't seem too interested. i understand where my father is coming from because he always wanted us to marry an iraqi and whatever but no-one understands how perfect this guy is and i know everyone says that but my faith in Allah came back because of him, i love learning about my religion, i use to miss prayers and since i met him, i love praying on time. i am a better person, his character did that.. inshallah i want my future sons to grow to be exactly like him. i don't know what else to do. my sister spoke to my mum today that they shouldn't ignore it because I've been waiting for 2 years and its just plain wrong. how do i convince my dad? we don't want to disrespect him, we want him on board but he doesn't even want to take the chance to know him. i pray every time to Allah, and i am soo patient, it will happen when Allah wants it to happen but im so upset because his side of the family already loves me and is also waiting for my parents. i don't know if i am writing this for a opinion or just expressing my hurt but can anyone help me, advice me.. maybe even give me hope. thanks in advance everyone x

Salam, It has been a half year since our marriage. from the day first, my wife have problems with my mother. she thinks my mother is needlessly pointing her mistakes. I don't have any convenience(vehicle) and my monthly salary is not good enough so many times I have to borrow my father's car to travel. sometimes he dont give permission so I have to cancel/limit our trip. she thinks that he denied because I discuss it with my mother and then she tells father to deny it. She has so much hate in herself that even she even lie to me that she is okay. On other hand my mother want any disturbance in house ( we are a joint family) so most of the time she complains to me about her rather than discussing with her or infront of any one. my wife dont want me to hear any of mother's complain. my mother do love her, but as she lived her whole life struggling for a peaceful life, at this point she does not want any fights or mishaps home. I have tried to talk to mother, she said "every person have good and bad habit, we appreciate good habits and correct bad ones, if she chooses to marry you and live here with us, she have to correct her habits." I don't know what to do

Assalam o Alaikum I am married i have 2 questions 1 # My wife is far away from me. I use to talk to her on phone . while doing that we both become sexually excited when talking about sex. Is it ok to talk sex on phone do kisses on the phone while imagining her in front of me? 2 # While doing that I fell my genital organ becoming hard and wet. I feel some drops without Masturbation. The Basic question is should I do ((( Ghusl janabat ))) after that conversation. when I feel some drops or just wash and change clothes i am in taqlid of ayat ul ali khamenei

Salam aleykom! I have A sister who's very very religious. I have never seen A more religious woman who lives in the west. She prays on time, never skip prayer, never had any contact with any guy, she didn't put makeup until she got married (she got married at The age of 23 in iraq). Her husband seemed good and nice and all that but not very religious. So they got married and after that My sister never slept without crying. He was really bad to her. It have been to many problems between The Two of them for me to write it in here. So in The Holy Quran Allah SWT says "Good women are for good men and good men are for good women". I really dont understand this can anyone explain? I mean My sister she is good, very good and she always listens to him and she pleases him and his evil mother. I could never stand out with the pain she has been through. I would've been crazy within an hour. So she is good really so why did she get such a bad husband? And he abused her 2-3 times. They have been married 2 years now. They had A fight 2-3 months ago and she is considering a divorce. Her husband and his parents knows that but still they didn't care. She is staying with me and our family now.

You want four wives when you cannot even handle five prayers concentrate on yourself then think about Sunnah Marriage is beautiful relation to make. It is a fulltime job. Where you have to do a lot of compromise, sacrifice, respects, patience, bonding, understanding, friendship and most of all trust and faith. When we see a person, we may attract to her/him through his/her smile, looks, appearance, talks, status. It could be anything. Some go for friendship, some go for serious terms and some go for marriages as quote says, “A successful marriage built daily. Your children are watching your marriage. Be mindful to set a good example. To model them in their future marriage.” Muslims from London, UK can perform umrah with his wife. When we talk about marriages and relations. All country and its religion have its own perspective regarding to culture and inheritance. When we talk about western modern European. They have very simple theme about marriages. If you are not settling, down then just move on. There is no limitations in their religion about concern and relations. However, in Islam, you would find sincerity, loyalty and ever-bounding feeling. . God says about marriages,” "They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you and you too are a clothing (covering) for them." (Surah 2, Verse 187). In Islam you still have right to get married again with the permission of your wife or another reason, if you want a child. You are allowed to get married again with the clause that if you can do justice between them as Allah says,” "Marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess." This verse plainly allows a man to have up to four wives (Allah conveniently granted Muhammad an exception... on authority of Muhammad, of course). According to the Hadith, the "justice" spoken of merely refers to the dowry provided the bride, not the treatment accorded following the wedding”. Sunnah allows you to get married four times. More than four times is not permissible. As well as Allah says about prayers. They are obligatory to you. If you are keen or eager to get married repeatedly, firstly concentrate on your fard. Then think about Sunnah. As Quran says about marriages, “And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He has created love and mercy among both of you. In this there is evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think." (Surah 30, Verse 21).feel yourself obliged and fortune to have lawful Muslim wife. Go at Allah’s home and make dua to live together in this or next world.

Hi, I'm at a struggle with this one. Any insight would help immensely. So, I have read that she was one of the wives of our prophet who bore him a child, Ibrahim, who passed away in his infant years. So I suppose it's a reason why she was considered highly from amongst all his other wives at the time. A fellow mominah asked me regarding her interference between Hafsa bin Umar and our Prophet, for which Surah Tahrim speaks of where he vowed to stop himself from all contact with Maria Al-Qibtiyya to please Hafsa bin Umar? can someone pls shed some light on this? TLDR: prophet spent night with one wife on the day he was supposed to spend it with Hafsa bin Umar, did he act fairly/equally/justly? I'll be honest, I'm stuck Coz the mominah that asked me this doesn't seem to follow normal logic(well I hope mine is normal)

Asalamalekum, Can the negative and fearful thoughts about the Nikah not being recited properly, void and invalidate the marriage? Even though I know from bottom of my heart that my Nikah was performed correctly almost 2 years ago, My Nikah was performed almost 2 years back, the problem was that “the representative asked me twice if I accept my wife in marriage and I said yes each time. Later when I went home I started getting negative and unwanted thoughts about my nikah, that the scholars are supposed to ask me three times.” Therefore, I contacted a Mujtahid and he said my nikah is valid. But the thoughts would not stop and kept on bothering me, I don’t know if its shaytan, but the thoughts kept playing in my head all day wherever i was. The sending of the bride ceremony did not occur at the time of the Nikah, and I went abroad leaving my wife back home. So, I decided that these unwanted thoughts would remain with me forever unless I recite the nikah formula again. So, when I went back for our “sending of the bride ceremony” this January, I stayed at my in laws house for couple day. And me and my wife were together, and we got intimate and I think we might have done intercourse but I am not sure. Because I had received a fatwa from a Mujtahid that my nikah is valid and I don’t have to repeat the “segha” but it is also permissible and no problem even if I repeat it. Afterwards, "before the sending of the bride ceremony" I went to the scholar and he repeated the segha again. But now I am really confused about few things; 1) was my first nikah recitation valid? 2) the intimate relationship I had with my wife before the second recitation, was that halal? 3) And was the last recitation valid and can the negative and unwanted thoughts about nikah not being done correctly void my nikah? Many thanks for helping me!

Is a Muslim man allowed to force his wife to wear hijab? Alsalamu Alaikum According to Islamic jurisprudence, Man is not allowed to force his wife to wear hijab but can prevent her from going out of house although she has worn hijab. Therefore he can bet that if she wears hijab, she is allowed to go out. Although a man is not permitted to force his wife to wear hijab, but what a nice tradition, that shall be regarded and noticed, is reported from Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (a.s) to have said: فَإِنَّ شِدَّةَ الْحِجَابِ أَبْقَى عَلَیْهِنَّ In this tradition, Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib (a.s) says a kind of recommendation concerning to the way of behaving with wife and women. Imam (a.s) says, "Severity in Hijab more maintain their chastity."

#husbandpenguin #wifepenguin

Different perspective on whats happening. His wife's interview.

Assalaam alaikum..I'm married with three grown up kids. My parents are old but Mashallah self reliant and still quite independent but slowly it is reducing. My kids are great n a great effort could be attributed to my wife for that. But I'm not happy with her on many accounts. The main reason and the one that hurts me most is her attitude towards my parents. She doesn't sit with them or talk to them and lately I have observed that she doesn't even say salaam to them either. I know they are not her parents but they are my parents & if I respect n care for her father who is also residing with us, I feel a hatred for her that's difficult to suppress or hide. Is my patience unjustified?are my expectations unfair?

Hello. I need some advice in dealing with long distance relationship with my wife. The thing is that, currently i am waiting for my wife visa approval. During this time we talk on phone for hours, which i have no problem with, because my job allows me to speak to my wife when i am there. The problem arises, when i am off two days and at home. During this time i feel like getting intimate with her, and i want a release my desires through masturbation. Which is haram act, and i feel guilty afterwards, so should i make a excuse, so i dont speak to her those two days? Thank You.

I originally posted this in the brothers forum; however, another brother suggested I post this in the sisters' forum. Here is some advice I gathered from being married. (these are not in any logical order) 1) Find enjoyment and pride in beautifying yourself for your husband, and maintaining modesty outside the home. Discover what your husband likes in terms of appearance for the home: have fun shopping for nice pretty pieces of clothing for the home. I find it really enjoyable to go shopping with sisters, choosing clothing, fragrances, and makeup for the house. One of my female coworkers (non-muslim) once told me she finds it very charming how Muslim women buy beautiful pieces solely for their husbands, while maintaining modesty outside. 2) Figure out which dishes and cuisines your husband prefers and finds appetizing. Spend time learning recipes and perfecting them. Select elaborate dishes for special occasions or for "dates" at home. 3) Set aside time once a week for a "date" with your husband. Always make sure to find time with your husband to keep things eventful and entertaining. These don't have to be spontaneous; rather, I find it great to pick one specific thing both of you enjoy, and find time to do these things, especially during stressful or busy times. 4) Figure out something your husband excels at, and appreciate, and thank him (especially things that pertain to homemaking). For example, my husband is really knowledgable about tea and coffee brewing. Sometimes, men want to help around the house as well, and sometimes they may feel that you do everything for them, and they would like to pamper you in the same manner. Make sure to always thank him for whatever he does, no matter how often he does it. Just because, say he always makes tea for you, or buys you clothes, does not mean you should forget to thank him for what he does. Let him know that, you ALWAYS appreciate what he does for you. ​5) Find time for religious learning together. Whether it be reading Islamic books or articles. Find time to incorporate religion into your daily lives. Read and recite Qur'an together. 6) Allow him time for his friends. Some sisters feel they want to always be his priority (and you should be), but make sure he has time to talk to his friends as well. Also, having other sisters to communicate with (especially converts) makes being a Muslim sister even more comforting and enjoyable. 7) Appreciate his hobbies. As long as the hobbies are halal, make sure that you do not criticize or mock his interests. If he enjoys video games, allow him to partake in these activities, and respect them. Do not call his hobbies "childish" or "stupid." In turn, make sure he respects your hobbies as well. If he prefers to be alone during these times, allow him to do so. If you feel lonely, find a hobby that you enjoy as well. 8) Respect his need for intimacy. This one is pretty self explanatory. Sometimes, men have more of a "drive" than women, try to understand his disposition is different than yours. But also make sure he respects your boundaries. Communicate about your likes and dislikes pertaining to intimacy; do not judge his preferences, as long as they are halal, you do not need to worry. 9) Keep a clean home (if you are the homemaker exclusively: I understand this isn't a required duty for women) A clean house keeps one's mind focused and relaxed. I know that if my house is untidy, I find things like assignments and work even more daunting. 10) If arguments occur, respect what calms your husband down. If your husband needs to cool off by going outside or driving, do not prevent him from doing so. Even though sometimes we wish to be stubborn, understand continuing an argument only creates further strife and discord. 11) If your husband strays from Islamic teachings or principles, offer advice respectfully, and make a point to state your intentions are only to help him in this world and the hereafter. Do not condemn him outright, rather impartially speak to him, in a calm, but warm manner. 12) Do not allow jealousy to come between you and him. If you are feeling jealousy, simply tell your husband why you may feel jealous, do not accuse him of dishonorable things. Speak like "I feel ___" not "You make me feel ___". This is very accusatory, and makes your husband feel as if he is wronging you. (Obviously, if he does wrong you and you have reasonable evidence that he has done so, this is an entirely different manner). Let him know your jealousy does not come from you feeling he is dishonorable or unfaithful, rather it comes from your love for him. In general, jealously is very harmful for a woman, and she must combat this. At the same time, men can be equally jealous or more so; I am not saying this is an exclusively female trait. 13) Compliment him in both regards to surface and deeper levels. By surface I mean, compliment his appearance, and by deeper, I mean his piety, righteousness, and character. Everyone needs to be complimented on both. But make sure you appreciate both of these aspects. For example, women enjoy when their husbands call them beautiful, but also when their husbands say they are great mothers and modest, religious sisters. ​This is all I could think of for now. More advice would be great :)

(bismillah) (wasalam) InshAllah you are well. I had been noticing a new divorce "trend" that has been seemingly augmenting among muslim communities recently. Divorce (Talaq) is one of the worst and hated halals that exists in Islam, but being the most realistic religion, Islam accepts divorce as a reality in certain social circumstances. How divorce's existence, or nonexistence, affects society as a whole is a different topic. But my question is, are we justifying too many 'silly' circumstances that are out of our comfort zone to mandate divorce? We all have flaws and only through genuine prayer and jihad of nafs do we allow ourselves to grow spiritually. I understand that it's easier said than done but whether from experience or by other means, what do you personally think are some of the most common reasons for divorce, how should they be avoided? Some reasons that I could think of from the top of my head (not in any specific order): 1.Spouses not educated about their Islamic responsibilities/rights in a marriage 2.Not aiming to live a God based marriage 3.Education and social prestige are prioritized over motherhood and responsibilities of a wife 4.Lack of forgiveness 5.There is a lot of blaming rather than self reflection 6.Lack of kindness 7.There is a lot of family meddling without proper management of the spouses 8.Lack of trust 9.Lack of attention and respect to the spouses interests --- (can translate to individuals 'worth' in the eyes of the spouse) Please feel free to add to the list, any relevant contribution helps inshAllah! jazakAllah khairan, mysterious secrets

Salaam aleikom! I was discussing a couple of days ago with my friends about men and what they seek in wives. I know that looks doesn't matter to most woman (well, looks as in he doesn't have to be a model) but when me and my friends discussed, one friend of mine said that looks matter so much to men that they'd choose a non-religious wife who's very beautiful rather than a "normal" looking, average girl who's as religious as they want their wife to be. Now I can't read minds. I don't have a husband and no brothers that I can talk to regarding this topic. So I'd like to ask some of the brothers here on SC. 1. Would you rather pick a Angelina Jolie kind of girl but she's not religious or would you rather pick a average looking girl but who fits your religiousity criteria? 2. How important is looks? 70 %? 60 %? 3. Could you accept a girl who's beuatiful but has for example acne, under eye circles or bad teeth etc... Meaning, does she have to be perfect? Sorry if this topic has been brought up before. Nevertheless, I still hope you can help me. Thank you!

Salaam alaykom. I was reading a post about poligamy in Islam and it remind me a life-time question of mine!!!! As a muslim I totally accept the plogamy which is ruled by my beloved Allah :angel: . But as a woman, I even cannot imagine my husband even thinking about another woman rather than me as a wife :angry: . Why is that? Is that because it is against women's nature? Since they can not tolerate any competitor by their side? I don't think that it is the answer. Becuse Allah would never rule a thing as appose to our nature and fitrah, would he? Any sister reading this? Or brothers? Any idea? Why some women can't accept it as a woman? And why some can? Where is the missed part of the puzzle?

Salaam, I'm a young guy, not ready to get married right now. Maybe in the next four to six years. But, I'm Iranian and have always been attracted ESPECIALLY to women of two races: Iranian and Far Eastern (aka Korean, Japanese). I'm Shia, and I realise the Shia community in these countries are small, but I have two questions. 1. Is it wrong of my to want my wife to be a certain ethnicity? I mean I should be attracted to my wife right? 2. How would I find Shia in those countries (Korea & Japan) if I decided I want to marry someone of that ethnicity? Wassalaam

Salam, So in Islam, it is the responsibility of the husband to name a child, correct? Is this his right or just a responsibility? Also, why isnt the responsibility given to the wife? Is it because women would die from childbirth often and not live to see the child or something? Thanks.