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Hi Is using dilators to treat vaginismus permissible? (the condition is thwarting sex and hence the couple is considering this). Thanks

Assalam o alaikum I am writing about my problem in the hope that i will get some help as i think this is making me mentally sick and is becoming a strain on my marriage. I know this is a sisters forum and it is probably the most appropriate place to mention this, but if any guy does happen to read this, then i would appreciate their input as it may help me from a males point of view I have been married to my husband for 1.5 years my husband is in his mid 30's and i am just getting into my late 20's and are both virgins. We both tried to consummate the marriage many times times over many months but it became impossible to do so for me because of the pain. We both just thought it was because i was extremely nervous and maybe I was just unable to take the pain. Anyway i had to go and see a gynaecologist for a separate reason and i brought up this issue and to cut a long story short she told me i had a condition called Vaginismus. Below is just a brief description of what this condition is: Vaginismus is a condition where there is involuntary tightness of the vagina during attempted intercourse. The tightness is actually caused by involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the vagina. The woman does not directly control or 'will' the tightness to occur; it is an involuntary pelvic response. She may not even have any awareness that the muscle response is causing the tightness or penetration problem. In some cases vaginismus tightness may begin to cause burning, pain, or stinging during intercourse. In other cases, penetration may be difficult or completely impossible. Vaginismus is the main cause of unconsummated relationships. The tightness can be so restrictive that the opening to the vagina is 'closed off' altogether and the man is unable to insert his penis. The pain of vaginismus ends when the sexual attempt stops, and usually intercourse must be halted due to pain or discomfort. Now my husband is a very nice man, alhamdulillah i am very lucky to have such a husband. He is religious and puts Allah before everything and is very god conscious when taking any decisions in his life. Nonetheless maybe the temptation got the best of him and about 8months ago i caught him messaging a woman flirtatiously and on confrontation he said it was with the intention of muta (and he his this from me because he didn't want to hurt me). It killed me and i broke down, he apologised for hurting me. I did understand what he was going through and didn't want to blame him for my incapabilities and I forgave him although i could not forget the messages in my head and thinking about them even now hurts me deeply. However a couple of months later he spoke to her again. This time i noticed it the first time he messaged her after the last incident (as some devices were linked and it came up as they were texting) and i confronted him and once again i broke down more. He apologised again and promised me he will never do this again. I know it seems he is a horrible person but i know he is not. He has never been the kind of person who flirts and is a very shy person and would never think about hurting me. This is just the result of me being unable to satisfy him sexually, which i do understand. I asked him if he wanted to be with me, as i would be willing to leave him as i do not want him to suffer with my problems as its not fair. He said this is not the case and he loves me and wants me to be in his life. He said he was looking for mutaa as he is unable to resist and for him sex was just sex and it wouldn't mean anything other than this, which is not something i accept. He says he still wants to have a family and kids with me and would be willing to go through anything to make this happen. He said he thought of doing mutaa as he believes its a right given to him by Allah. I told him i could not accept this (not because i neglect Allah but because i always believed in a one woman faithful man for myself) and could not bring myself to watch my husband sleep with another woman and then come home to me. I told him that i would not be with him if he ever went and conducted mutaa or a second marriage because of his temptations. We both have different views on this and we have just both agreed to disagree on this. This hurts me because i think we should deal with this together as this is not something i have done to myself and is therefore not my fault. I know he has the right to do mutaa but it hurts me that he considered sleeping with someone else and still says he wants to have a family with me only. It makes me angry thinking that he wants everything, he wants to satisfy himself, have a family with me and for me to be happy about this, which i cannot be. Recently we have been very open about this problem, which we never were before and now both of us understand how each of us feel. We both respect each others feelings even though we both differ on the solutions. He still feels he has the right to do mutaa under these circumstances. However he has committed he will not do this as he realises how much it will hurt me and his intentions were never to hurt me, all he wanted was just wanted his temptations to go away. I believe his commitment is genuine and he will not be unfaithful and will only conduct a mutaa if i agree. I have been going through such an emotional turmoil recently and i keep breaking down into tears. I am feeling so alone as i have not told my family or friends about these problems either. I love my husband and i know he loves me and would do anything for me which includes him now being patient and not letting his temptations to take over. I feel like i am oppressing him and making him suffer because of my own problems. I feel like i have ruined his life. i have tried to convince myself to allow him to conduct a mutaa but i cannot allow myself to do this and then i feel selfish and feel like a horrible wife. I keep thinking maybe he is right and he has the right bestowed to him by Allah to do mutaa and i am stopping him, but then i think he is not the only one suffering as i am suffering too and why cant we fight this together. I know you must all be thinking what about curing my problem? Yes that is happening, i am planning on going private but before that starts i still have to wait aprox 5 months due to finances. The cure isn't quick and is mainly counselling and could take a very long time which is hard to predict before i start treatment. Meanwhile i am working on other factors which also effect my husband and how he feels about me i.e my appearance etc and basically what i am saying is that i am working on trying to solve our problems but obviously there is no quick fix and they will take time. I think my husband doesn't have any high hopes and feels that his time is running out as he is getting older. Our families our bugging us about kids which aren't even an option for us atm (not that they know) regardless my husband and i are not ready to have kids yet and we just want to have a normal sex life before we have kids. I really don't know what to do and i have considered leaving my husband so that he can just live his life and be happy. I don't think i am making him happy although he says i do. He tells me that if i left him he would not be happy and that this problem is really stressing him out and he's finding it hard to block out these temptations. I really don't know what to do, i feel miserable, i cry almost everyday as the guilt of torturing my husband kills me, i don't want to oppress him of his needs but i just cannot convince myself to be happy with him having a mutaa. I cannot share him like that. i seriously dont know what to do. Am i really such a selfish wife? Am i expecting too much? Am i oppressing him? These type of things are constantly running through my mind and its killing me and making me depressed. Please can anyone give me some advise and whilst writing this I was very worried about my husband sounding like a bad person, but he is not, just remember he is a guy who has needs. Thank you for reading, appreciate any help.