In the Name of God بسم الله
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Assalamualaikum. Ya Ali (عليه السلام) Madad. I hope this message finds you well. I would like to share a deeply personal experience that I have undergone, seeking clarity and guidance from an Islamic perspective. About five years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting a remarkable girl online. She is a zakira, devoted to reciting majalis throughout the year. We developed a strong connection over time, nurturing our relationship despite the physical distance between us. We've met sometimes tho. Unfortunately, our journey together took an unexpected turn when faced with a challenging situation. Before delving into this, allow me to provide some context. I have an elder sister who remains unmarried. The girl I was in love with and I aspired to marry one another. However, I held the belief that my sister's marriage should take precedence, delaying our own plans until she found a suitable partner. Despite our sincere intentions, we struggled to find a suitable match for my sister, leading to a prolonged wait. As time went on, the girl I cared for started receiving marriage proposals from other suitors. She expressed her concern to me, emphasizing the urgency of addressing our own relationship's future. She insisted that I approach my family about our desire to marry, or she would have no choice but to consider other proposals. Taking her words to heart, I initiated a conversation with my mother about our intentions. It is important to note that my father had passed away a few years prior, leaving me with the responsibility of communicating our intentions to my mother alone. To my dismay, my mother's initial response was one of rejection and unwarranted criticism against the girl's character. This reaction deeply pained me. This was the first instance I had witnessed such behavior from my mother, as she had always been kind and understanding. I found it difficult to reconcile the fact that the person I held in high regard could harbor such prejudice against someone I deeply loved. I embarked on a mission to convince my mother, invoking the significance of compassion and fairness emphasized in Islamic teachings. I reminded her that hasty judgments and character defamation were strictly prohibited, especially without sufficient knowledge about the person in question. I beseeched my mother to consider the qualities of the girl I loved, and to view our relationship with an open heart. I implored her to evaluate the situation fairly, placing trust in the values she had instilled in me over the years. The ensuing weeks were challenging as I balanced my deep affection for the girl I loved and my commitment to respect and honor my mother's wishes. Eventually, the emotional strain led to a point where my mother urged me to leave the house, coupled with the threat of being disinherited. In that moment of despair, I confided in my sister, who assured me that she would manage the situation and find a solution. Trusting her, I shared the girl's contact details with my sister, who took the initiative to speak with her father. Tragically, my sister's actions were contrary to what I had hoped for. She approached the girl's father and persuaded him to distance his daughter from me. This revelation shattered me completely, leaving me in a state of emotional turmoil. I felt utterly isolated, with thoughts of suicide clouding my mind as I believed I had lost everything dear to me. In the aftermath of these events, I found myself grappling with overwhelming emotions and a deep sense of loss. The girl I had envisioned a future with was now united with another, my relationship with my mother and sister had suffered irreparable damage, and the trust I once held for my loved ones was shattered. For the past two years, I have tried to mend the broken ties with my mother and sister. While some semblance of normalcy has returned to our interactions, it is undeniable that the dynamics have forever changed. Their actions have left scars that continue to affect our relationship, leaving me feeling conflicted about the love and respect I once held for them. Their insistence that I seek forgiveness for a transgression I fail to comprehend only deepens my internal struggle. As I reflect on my journey, one question remains at the forefront of my mind: What guidance does Islam provide for individuals facing such intricate and emotionally charged situations? I yearn for clarity on how to navigate this turmoil in a way that aligns with my faith. My earnest aspiration is to eventually establish financial stability, enabling me to make the difficult choice of parting ways with my family and seeking a life of my own. I am genuinely appreciative of any insights or wisdom you might be able to offer, grounded in Islamic teachings and values. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for considering my plea for guidance.
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- family issue
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Recently Person A offered to take the dua of Person B on their Umrah. Person B hesitated due to some differing views. For example: Person A: -Emphasis on mercy, forgiveness and charity. -Questionable actions/lack of actions in job role. -Questionable integrity regarding empathy in major life changes; using sensitive information to make "joking" remarks that are hurtful. Person B: -Stubborn, good natured struggling to maintain work/life balance. -Emphasis on work ethic, sacrificing personal desires to secure a better future. -Expectations and standards for self projected onto others (too high). Of note that this takes place in the Way West. Person B makes prayers and believes that this dua is a bit more sacred due to its being recited at the sacred site, as they believe the intentions of Person B to be pure, despite all else. The dua is informally written in a poetic verse with the penultimate and final words altering in placement and order for the emphasis of meaning. The dua was enclosed in a blank sealed envelope. When Person B hands the envelope over to Person A, they state "Please do not open it or read it until you arrive at your destination." Person A laughed and began to tear the corner of the envelope and opened it. Person A read it silently right in front of Person B. Person A said nothing more to Person B nor asked questions. It is my suspicion that Person A: -did not understand dua of Person B -will show the dua of Person B to others. What can be understood by the interaction of these two individuals, when something that is universally understood to be sacred is responded to in this manner? Do you think there is a chance that Person A does not comprehend the dua? Feel free to ask any supporting questions regarding the observation of the two subjects in this scenario. Many Thanks In Adv.
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As-salamunalaikum, 1. How does a person do tawakkul? 2. How does your dua work with tawakkul? Like when you want to have something or someone, you ask Allah for it. But how does tawakkul come into play here? Do I trust in Allah that I'll get what I asked for, or do I completely leave the matter in his hands trusting his whole plan? Wa-assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullah
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Assalamu 3aleykom I hope someone can give me advice on what to do This is my situation: Ive been married for almost 2,5yrs and have a 1yr old son. A few months ago, just days before our 2nd wedding anniversary I looked through my husbands phone when he was asleep as I saw something strange during the day. That is when I found out he had a secret fb account and was talking to a married woman with a child, there were some inappropriate parts where he would ask for nude pictures and flirt with her, she would call him pet names and flirt back but mostly they were sharing pics of the kids and asking how things were. I felt totally betrayed and cheated on and I confronted him the next morning in the car. He apologized, got angry at himself and smashed his phone on the driving stick. I had to calm him down so he wouldnt make an accident and I let it go at that moment. Afterwards we talked about it but I had to drag every bit of information out of him. In his eyes it was: I did something wrong, I said I was sorry and won’t do it again and now the conversation is over. Over the next couple of days I went all fbi on him and found out about him adding women to his fb account (he has his friends on private so id never saw who his friends were). I deleted his secret fb account and blocked and deleted that woman on all social media and changed his passwords. From then on til now Ive tried to move on but I find myself still not trusting him and check his accounts regularly on which I don’t find anything special. I do not have access to his phone now which drives me crazy as I do not know if he has any new accounts or not. Ever since this happened I can’t get passed the idea that he is not attracted to me, and that he does not love me as he claims he does, I feel used as I did and do everything for him (from paying bills, getting his green card, wash his clothes, make food,...) And when I look at old pictures, I feel like every picture we are on together is a lie, it also deeply hurt me that he shared our son with that woman, which is what probably hurt me the most since its so personal and means that it was more than just a physical thing. I want advice on how to move on from this. I have no one I can talk to about this, since I do not want to involve our families or mosque. And also because I am pregnant with my second child. My pregnancy should be a happy period, but all I can think about is how hurt I am and I feel myself slipping away in depression and cry almost everyday My husband does not know I feel like this right now as I try to hide it from him because he gets angry whenever I bring up what he did (as for him it is a thing in the past and we moved on). My parents are leaving on holiday next week and I’m thinking of sleeping at their house for a week to take a break. But I do not want to mess up my marriage, I want to work through this and have my children being raised by 2parents In sha Allah someone can give me some good advice and thank you for reading my story choukran
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(Quote from The Orbital Perspective, by Ron Garan.) It's common sense, but sometimes common sense benefits from elucidation. In any relationship, friendship, marriage, business partnership, whatever, success requires understanding and commitment from both sides. Only through commitment and striving to understand can mutual trust develop. When there is mutual trust, hardship strengthens rather than weakens the bond.
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- relationships
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(salam) InshAllah you benefit.
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- testslife
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Salaams Brothers and Sisters, My question relates to istekhara for marriage Is it permissible for a man to do an istekhara for marrying a woman without informing her or asking her? I ask this because I have read that going against an istekhara is not allowed, so if the istekhara comes good, isn't it obligatory on BOTH of them to get married? Also, I hear istekhara can change with time. Is this true? Is it even allowed to do istekhara anymore because nowadays it's being used as a reason for not making a big decision and just relying on istekhara? When should istekhara for marriage be done? Both the people think they are good and decent people, yet if someone is not 100% sure, should they resort to istekhara? And if istekhara comes bad, can one still consider marriage with the same person after a certain amount of time, when circumstances have changed? Lastly, is our partner destined for us, or is there any way that we can make dua to Allah for Him to grant us the person we wish to marry but can't at the moment? Duas can change destiny. Allah accepts all duas that are legitimate. Isn't dua for marrying a specific person a legitimate desire? Thanks a lot in advance for your responses.
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The Zahra TrustRamadhan Appeal In the holy month of Ramadhan, many families across the world struggle to obtain the bare necessities to prepare for fasting. That is why we, The Zahra Trust, work with various volunteers to find those families in special hardships and distribute food aid to all those in need, including the elderly and disabled, widows, orphans, refugees and those affected by disasters or conflict. You can help us by donating and therefore increase the amount of aid we can distribute to those in need. Please Donate The Zahra Trust Donation Page Please specify your donation type, with a reference, ie Ramadhan Appeal
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